Neighborhood crazy-watch

March 6th, 2009 · 75 comments

Our anonymous submitter in Quebec says this note is posted on the door of an apartment in her building. “Looks like somebody had a rough breakup,” she speculates…in which case I think dude is probably better off.

Still, I think the ambiguity here presents a wealth of other possible scenarios, no?

You know who you are. THIS IS A REMINDER that just because you have a key it doesn't mean you can enter my apt!

related: and all the pieces matter

FILED UNDER: Canada · crazypants · ex drama · neighbors · you know who you are


75 responses so far ↓

  • #1   r.m.

    this is when you change the locks.

    Mar 6, 2009 at 8:31 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Sirius bang

      Or alert the Weighboorhood Watch

      Mar 6, 2009 at 9:51 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Canthz_B bang

      This is what happens when you give Mr. Wogers a key.
      Would you be my, could you be my, won’t you be my weighboor?

      Mar 9, 2009 at 1:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Simple Simon

    I hate when my land lord enters and fixes stuff when I’m not there to over see.

    Mar 6, 2009 at 8:33 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Canthz_B bang

      Tried wearing shades?

      Mar 6, 2009 at 10:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Callisto

    This person’s laziness knows no bounds. Would it hurt to get a new piece of paper instead of this upside-down photocopy of some guys?

    Mar 6, 2009 at 8:59 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Sirius bang

      Photocopy of some guy’s what?

      Mar 6, 2009 at 9:47 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   heather em

      yeah, the paper choice had me chuckling in amazement, even though i recycle sh*t to an obscene degree… at least cut it off cleanly or something! Also, the drawing of the watchful face is freakin’ gold…..

      Mar 7, 2009 at 2:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    I beg to differ. Possession of key of keys is second only to an invitation on the permission scale.
    That’s like saying “Just because I bought you dinner, it doesn’t mean you can eat it”.

    Mar 6, 2009 at 9:16 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Canthz_B bang

      Oh, look…I stuttered! :-D

      Mar 6, 2009 at 9:28 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Kim

      My bet is for roommate giving boyfriend a key. Happened to me (w/o p-a notes), and had to make clear to him that when roommate is not expected home for several hours sound of locks opening is v.v. scary! Especially as had not been informed of boyfriend getting key.

      Mar 6, 2009 at 10:20 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Jilly

      No, not really, I have given people keys for a specific reason, to pet sit when I am away and I have asked them to go in or to have in case of emergency and someone has to go in to feed or get my pets. That doesn’t mean they now have permission to enter at any time they please. I had this problem with my mother letting herself in uninvited when I was not home, or scaring the crap out of me by walking in when I was home. Needless to say, I did not give her a key to my new place when I moved. I have been given keys for the same reason. I don’t go waltzing into those homes unless I am specifically asked. That’s just rude.

      Mar 7, 2009 at 9:36 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Canthz_B bang

      You may as well not have keys if you distribute copies so liberally.
      Keys given for a specific purpose should be given for a specific time period, and retrieved once the need (pet sitting, etc.) has passed.

      But, hey, it’s your life.

      Mar 7, 2009 at 4:29 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   aaa

      Remember that episode of King of the Hill where Bill let himself into Hank and Peggy’s house with the key he got when he was feeding Ladybird when the Hills were one vacation when Hank went away for a few days for whatever reason? Jilly, if you don’t watch yourself, you might end up with some overweight, divorced, balding dude hugging your trash can and stalking you at the grocery store and your son’s baseball games. SRSLY.

      Mar 7, 2009 at 11:17 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   tinkerbell2

      “Keys given for a specific purpose should be given for a specific time period, and retrieved once the need (pet sitting, etc.) has passed.”

      Not sure I totally agree, we have given a key to our friends who live 2 streets down in case we ever lose our keys or get them stolen. You just have to be sure only to give them to someone you trust..

      God, that was a boring post. Not sure where my SOH has gone today..

      Mar 9, 2009 at 8:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   Canthz_B bang

      Like I said, to each his/her own. I’d rather call a locksmith if I lose my keys than to give anyone access to my home.
      Haven’t you ever heard of ex-friends? I’ll bet they have heard of getting extra keys made. How can you now know just how many copies of your keys may be floating around and in whose hands they may be?

      Nope, not for me, but if you’re comfortable, it’s none of my business.

      Of course, I don’t worry much about losing keys or having them stolen because I keep mine in my pocket where they belong.

      Mar 10, 2009 at 10:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Geek Goddess

    Obviously what is happening here is a classic case of split personality. Note the upper case used for the first 8 letters, at which point personality number 2 takes over, using lower case. This is sad, very sad, a tormented soul desperately trying to evict that secondary personality from their life. Of course they have a key! The addressee and addressor are one and the same. My heart goes out to this person.

    Also, top PAN points for use of very detailed version of ‘smiley’ face.

    Mar 6, 2009 at 9:31 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Sirius bang

    This is a reminder

    That just because you say I can’t enter your apartment…

    Mar 6, 2009 at 9:50 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Lorelie

      It doesn’t count if I enter when you’re not there, right? Then everyone’s happy. You get the illusion of privacy; I get to pick through your things and see if you’ve moved on.

      Mar 6, 2009 at 11:55 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   #1 stunna

      And sniff used under garments from the hamper.

      Mar 7, 2009 at 12:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   AuntyBron

      Well there’s not much point in sniffing unused underwear…. Is there?

      Mar 7, 2009 at 8:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Canthz_B bang

      Not unless you’re doing a fabric softener commercial. Those are the clothes sniffingest people on Earth!

      Mar 7, 2009 at 8:38 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   QuarterRoy00 bang

    Just because you know how to speak english, doesn’t mean you should be writing it down for others to see!

    Mar 6, 2009 at 10:03 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   se

      curious, is that a comment on the note or a comment on the comments?

      Mar 7, 2009 at 9:18 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   QuarterRoy00 bang

      I am an equal opportunity commenter, so if it fits …uh….you must acquit?

      Mar 7, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Canthz_B bang

      Um…if it fits, you’re guilty.

      Mar 7, 2009 at 11:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   mamason bang

      Sometimes, even if it doesn’t seem to fit and you’re inexplicably acquitted, you’re guilty as hell and we all know it!

      Mar 9, 2009 at 3:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Griffen P.

    That key was fucking delicious!

    LolZ!!

    ROFLM :)

    Mar 6, 2009 at 11:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Lorelie

      You too.

      Mar 6, 2009 at 11:54 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Griffen P.

      Lolz!!

      That comment was fucking delicious!
      ROFLMAOZ! :)

      Mar 7, 2009 at 12:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Bunnee

      With a pointy shoe.

      Mar 7, 2009 at 12:22 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   zenvelo

    it’s extra PA in Quebec because it’s in English. it should be “garder mes yeux sur vous…”

    Mar 7, 2009 at 12:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Phalange

      Doesn’t every sign in Canada need to be posted in English and French? Doesn’t this mean the note-poster is committing a crime?

      Mar 9, 2009 at 7:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Ti O bang

      PAN-ing is not a CRIME!

      Un trousseau de clés pour les gouverner tous et dans les ténèbres les lier …

      Mar 9, 2009 at 8:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Girl Friday

    I like it when he enters my apt.

    It makes me akey for more.

    You know who you are, – Becauge.

    The neigboor hoods watch – and I like it.

    Mar 7, 2009 at 12:35 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Ti O bang

      you’re a bad dirty girl…
      :razz:

      Mar 9, 2009 at 8:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Thanks!

    This girl needs a little blue pill so she can chill the hell out and find a clean sheet of paper and maybe take her time spelling, sheesh.

    I also somehow feel that the neighborhood watch would advise calling a locksmith.

    Mar 7, 2009 at 9:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Lorelie

      Wouldn’t taking viagra mean she would be more likely to rush through, so she could get to the good stuff?

      Mar 9, 2009 at 10:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Mishee bang

      Lorelie – Morphine pills are blue too…

      Mar 9, 2009 at 10:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Themiki

      So are Valium and Adderoll. Blue is a very popular color for uppers and downers.

      ***waits for obligitory ‘upper’ joke about blue pills***

      Mar 9, 2009 at 12:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Lorelie

      Obviously my pharmaceutical knowledge is severely lacking.

      *makes note to go party with Mishee more often*

      Mar 9, 2009 at 12:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   Thanks!

      I was thinking valium or xanax, I really feel the uppers would led to an even worse paper and scrawling. Let’s forget the viagra, the guy would definately be in her apartment waiting for her return, and this chic would need a lot more xanax.

      Mar 9, 2009 at 8:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Janelle Holden

    My favorite part of the note is the drawing of the face to represent “Neighborhood Watch”. Was that really necessary? It shows a real attention to detail that seems lacking in the other elements of the note.

    Mar 7, 2009 at 2:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   TP

    Unfortunately, it DOES mean they can enter your apartment. SHOULD they? That is another thing altogether.

    Perhaps changing the locks should be on her list of things to do.

    Mar 7, 2009 at 4:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   pope suburban

    I had a roommate give her goddamn bum boyfriend a key, but my other (sane) roommate and I handled that by telling him to get out unless he was coming in with her. When he kept up, we sicced the landlord on him. All the results, none of the effort to create a Weighborhood Watch and wrestle paper out of the shredder halfway through.

    Mar 7, 2009 at 8:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   aaa

    Is that a photo of a scrotum on that note?

    Mar 7, 2009 at 10:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   #1 stunna

      I guess it’s true that you only see what you wanna see…

      Mar 8, 2009 at 5:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   aaa

      Well, I do need some more testicles to add to my collection…

      Mar 8, 2009 at 10:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   aaa

    I’m guessing that this is a copy of a note that Crazy Note-Poster got after their last breakup and they’re putting it up as a way of projecting their own problems (psychoses?) on their ex.

    Mar 7, 2009 at 10:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Neeners

    I love neighborhood watch man! He looks strangely indifferent with one eyebrow raised and a straight line for a mouth as if to say, “I quite possibly could give a shit.”

    Not sure but I think it says Weighborhood Watch which is like a division of Weight Watchers and Neighborhood Watch combined.

    Which brings me to my next pointless observation on this pointless note , having a key does mean you can enter the apartment that’s why they make them.

    Mar 8, 2009 at 1:18 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   RunBarbara bang

    i dont give out keys, ever.
    i guess i just love being broken and entered a bit too much.

    Mar 8, 2009 at 3:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Canthz_B bang

      *knows he’ll dream of doing a b&e of rb’s place tonight* :twisted:

      Mar 9, 2009 at 1:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   fantasy bang

      …….you can be broken only once, but entered many times.

      Mar 9, 2009 at 1:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Canthz_B bang

      Well, I’ll never say “Give me a break.” again!
      I don’t want to give anyone any ideas!

      *shudder*

      Mar 9, 2009 at 1:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Saysh bang

      oooh CEEEEEBEEEEEE..

      Come here, *I’ll* “break” you. :twisted:

      Mar 9, 2009 at 3:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   beesnest

    What would be the point of giving him a key if he could only use it with her in the apartment or with her there? then he wouldn’t need a key. So he used it when she wasn’t there- that’s what it was for.

    Mar 8, 2009 at 4:04 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Geek Goddesss

      Unless she was trying to set him up

      Mar 8, 2009 at 6:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Masha G.

    Geez, even if you’re too lazy to change locks, there is no excuse for leaving a note on that unsightly half-piece of ripped paper. Just what kind of impression do you think that’s leaving?! I don’t even know what that’s a picture of. A cocoon wearing earrings in front of some tree branches? Bitch deserves whatever happens!

    Mar 8, 2009 at 7:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Thanks!

      Indeed!

      Mar 8, 2009 at 8:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Wolverine Girl

      What gets me is it looks like the piece of paper was already stuck to the door before being written on. Notice how the lines at the bottom get shorter to accommodate the tape. And to me the picture looks like an upside-down guy with his body half twisted, all the better to show off his giant thunder thighs and leotard.

      Mar 8, 2009 at 11:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   claw71 bang

    Oh, I most certainly can enter your apartment. Even if I don’t have a key, which I don’t, I can easily coax the bolt out of the catch with a pocket knife. Then I can make myself comfortable in your dark, quiet apartment. And wait. Will you be stopping at the gym after work? Perhaps you’ll meet friends for drinks? It’s OK. I can wait. In the dark. All alone.

    When I hear you fumbling for your keys at the door I can quickly, but quietly, move to your bedroom and stand behind the door. Ever so still. Ever so quiet. Waiting. Waiting for you to retire to the bedroom. You might talk on the phone or watch the evening news. Maybe you’ll read a few chapters from that Mary Higgins Clark book next to the couch. But eventually you’ll come to bed.

    Of course you won’t see me. You won’t even know I’m there. At least not until that convenient little blade–the one that helped me enter your apartment– effortlessly slices through your skin and pierces your jugular. Oh yes. Yes I can.

    Mar 9, 2009 at 9:40 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Andy

      Whoa.

      *backs away from comment cautiously*

      Mar 9, 2009 at 9:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Mishee bang

      *freaked out on how claw knows I finished my Mary Higgins Clark book this morning*

      Mar 9, 2009 at 9:52 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   Tinymama

      Claw, you are a sick man-I think I love you. Muh ha ha!

      Mar 11, 2009 at 2:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Jojo'sCircus

      Claw isn’t making that up! Creeper has really dreamed of doing this! YIKES.

      Mar 18, 2009 at 5:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Beth

    I vote landlord not respecting the 24-hour non-emergency notice law (…at least, it’s the law in the two states I’ve lived in).

    Mar 9, 2009 at 10:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Meesh

      I concur. The landlord clearly stole the PAN writer’s pot stash when the landlord stopped by unannounced. The law is in place so people can hide that shit!

      Mar 9, 2009 at 12:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Bernd das Brot

    I think this is just an extreme case of someone trying to use reverse psychology.

    Mar 9, 2009 at 10:57 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   blake

    The drawing is very passive aggressive. It’s not a smiley-face, but the artist showed restraint by not making the mouth a frown

    Mar 9, 2009 at 11:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   GhostWriter bang

    Note to Rihanna- I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to stop Chris Brown from coming in.

    Mar 9, 2009 at 1:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   D / DM

      Note to GhostWriter:

      Celebrity gossip on PAN = not funny.

      Mar 20, 2009 at 4:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   aaa

    Is it just me, or does Mr. Neighborhood Watch Face kinda look like a janky David Bowie?

    Mar 9, 2009 at 1:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   mike

    I did not know that Burt was the poster child for neighberhood watch.
    I wonder if ernie knows?

    Mar 10, 2009 at 12:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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