Our anonymous submitter found several copies of this notice posted around her McMansion-filled neighborhood in Leander, Texas, just five charmingly rustic miles north of Austin proper. (If you’re a little short in the 4-H ribbon department, that’s your cue to shake your head and mutter “Pshaw, city folk!”)
related: If your grandma wrote PSAs
221 responses so far ↓
#1
zombieBlanco
Dang nabbit! Why didn’t I put up signs like this to cover the feed bill for my four kids? I could have mentioned that they looked scrawny, but were fed mac’n'cheese and kool-aid on a daily basis.
Mar 22, 2009 at 7:23 pm rating: 63
#2
jabbadabbaduu
“(…)and look forward to your help in their care.” I have to say I don’t think I would be much help if I was being taken care of by this guy’s cattle…
Mar 22, 2009 at 7:39 pm rating: 5
#3
Emily
This is one of the best notes that’s been on here in a long time…
Mar 22, 2009 at 7:45 pm rating: 68
#4
TheOldSchool
“Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from the suburban Austin mcmansion that had just been built across the road.
“Well, ma’am,” answered the rancher, “cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ‘em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns…. But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”
Mar 22, 2009 at 8:10 pm rating: 179
#5
Fresca
Beautiful note. I’d like to buy them a bale of hay.
Mar 22, 2009 at 8:13 pm rating: 19
#6
Tammy
Good for the rancher.
What a spineless neighbor, running to the sheriff, gah.
Mar 22, 2009 at 8:17 pm rating: 36
#7
KatieMB
I always report scrawny animal sightings to the sheriff, though I admit they seem to care alot less about starving squirrels than I do.
Mar 22, 2009 at 8:40 pm rating: 52
#8
The Prof
HER “Tom!”
HIM “What is it, honey?”
HER “Look at that poor starving cow! DO SOMETHING!”
HIM “I’ll call 911 right now~”
HER” Oh Tom, I love it when you take charge…let’s go out for Soyburgers!”
Mar 22, 2009 at 8:41 pm rating: 110
#9
G
Lotsa busybodies out there who’d rather call Animal Control than just ask an animal’s owner about why things have a negative appearance (to the busybody, anyway). If they’d just go talk to the owner, could save time–and their tax dollars–and let Animal Control go handle the *real* problems. But nooooooooo, they have to make anonymous complaints, sometimes many anonymous complaints, so the owners and AC can’t even go reassure them about the issue.
(I’m not the rancher in question, and I don’t have any cows, but I feel for the guy.)
Mar 22, 2009 at 8:41 pm rating: 30
#10
Alicia
Oh this is one of the best ones lately! Love it!
Mar 22, 2009 at 9:17 pm rating: 1
#11
aaa
How do we know these donations are going to go towards feeding the cows and not to the surrey with the fringe on top?
Mar 22, 2009 at 9:38 pm rating: 33
#12
TastyPrawn
LEANDER! Represent!
(Actually, I do not live in Leander. I’ve just always thought “Leander” sounded funny and imaged living there may be fun because you’d get to say “Leander” all of the time.)
Mar 22, 2009 at 9:40 pm rating: 5
#13
yarnpr0n
Well they probably look starved because he’s feeding them round bales.
Funny I thought they stopped making round bales a while ago…(the cows weren’t getting a square meal, you see…)
Mar 22, 2009 at 10:08 pm rating: 33
#14
Kay
I live in Cedar Park which is 2 miles South of Leander… I am really sorry I missed out on this note… Though, CP is a little more “big city” (:oP) than Leander (who just got their first McD’s a month ago) so maybe that’s why.
Mar 22, 2009 at 10:34 pm rating: 0
#15
leftfoot
Personally, I’d be scared to approach anyone’s farm in fear of getting shot – especially if I was inquiring about the condition of their livestock.
Mar 22, 2009 at 11:33 pm rating: 12
#16
Jenn
I had someone call the sheriff on me for one of my horses. She likes to sleep in the sun on her side. This busybody called the horse in as starving and dead in the paddock. Deputy comes by asking after the dead horse which is standing in the paddock, nickering at him.
Mar 23, 2009 at 12:22 am rating: 27
#17
Griffen P.
That round hay bale was fucking delicious!
LOLMAOz!
So was the cattle feed!! Lolz!!!!!!
Mar 23, 2009 at 12:35 am rating: 3
#18
Canthz_B
♫ Green Acres, we are there! ♫
Mar 23, 2009 at 12:49 am rating: 4
#19
Grimfool_Reluctant
I don’t know what the NURSING PROCSSS is, but it sounds sorta naughty and slithery, so it probably is a drain on ol’ Bossy. Or maybe it’s an anagram for Cross, Spring, Sun. Because they’re Holy Cows!, don’t you know. I’ll bet they’re eating Christian Bales.
Mar 23, 2009 at 1:12 am rating: 23
#20
Canthz_B
This must be from the Double R Bar Ranch.
You can tell by the “SHERRIFFS”.
yeah, i used to work at roy rogers’. what of it?
Mar 23, 2009 at 1:30 am rating: 3
#21
aaa
Is this sudden rush of proactiveness signaling the end of the bystander effect? If we can’t count on people to behave according to social psychological phenomena, what can we count on? What is this world coming to?!?!?! D:
Mar 23, 2009 at 1:30 am rating: 5
#22
Meesh
I’d like to give the PAN author +5 points for the nursing process/drain pun.
Mar 23, 2009 at 8:32 am rating: 0
#23
Tatman
This is another shining example of “Mind your own fucking business!” Bravo to the rancher.
Mar 23, 2009 at 8:51 am rating: 15
#24
claw71
See honey? I told you that I wasn’t being insulting when I called you a cow.
Mar 23, 2009 at 9:00 am rating: 8
#25
Canthz_B
♫ Home, home on the range. Where the yuppies and the city slickers prey.
Where seldom is heard,
A discouraging word,
So developers plant McMansions each May! ♫
Mar 23, 2009 at 9:05 am rating: 7
#26
Mishee
I guess this note goes to show that not everything is bigger in Texas…
Mar 23, 2009 at 10:10 am rating: 2
#27
heyzeus
Leander is about 30 miles from downtown Austin. It’s the most distant suburb and still rural and ranchland on the edge.
Mar 23, 2009 at 10:43 am rating: 0
#28
Wade
“procsss”?
Since when did Cobra Commander start running cattle?
Next time don’t call in the local constabulary… contact GI Joe!
Mar 23, 2009 at 11:21 am rating: 4
#29
Ti O
“Hello I am Sally Struthers for only five dollars a week you could adopt a starving milker like “Mooey” here. Won’t you please help”
Mar 23, 2009 at 11:30 am rating: 7
#30
Wade
Let’s just face facts. The note writer got tired of his brother-in-law in the sheriff’s department coming out to the place to “investigate his cattle”.
He kept showing up at dinnertime and was eating him out of house and home.
Mar 23, 2009 at 1:15 pm rating: 6
#31
Stuff Queer People Need To Know
I do not understand this sign at all. But it is definitely aggressive.
Mar 23, 2009 at 1:45 pm rating: 0
#32
Wade
“They of course found no issue with the cattle.”
No issue? So there really weren’t any calves!
The plot thickens.
Mar 23, 2009 at 2:52 pm rating: 11
#33
cTo
Lole, I love that the rancher worded the note so calmly and eloquently. Its a definite smack in the face.
As someone who has grown up with animals, I cannot begin to express my annoyance for people who don’t understand them but think they do. Like the parent who pulled her child out of camp because one of the camp rabbits nibbled on her shirt, claiming that the rabbit was “aggressive” and “could spread rabies.”
I also worked at a zoo for awhile, and if I had a nickel for every time a guest ran up to me, claiming that X animal was sick and dying in its exhibit, only to follow them there and see said animal taking a nice lazy nap in the sun, well…I could put myself through grad school
I appreciate that people care about the animals, I really really do, it’s a step in the right direction. But the total disconnect of many americans with actual animal science, replaced with fuzzy anthropomorphizing, is a step in the wrong one.
Mar 23, 2009 at 3:37 pm rating: 19
#34
LadyRed
Round bales are only $55 each where this guy lives? So not fair! Pffft. And seriously… animal control over post calving skinniness is ridiculous.
Mar 23, 2009 at 5:13 pm rating: 3
#35
claw71
The cows aren’t underfed, they’re anorexic.
It’s the impossible standard of beauty those slutty sheep force everybody else on the ranch to live up to. Sure, the cows are good enough to milk and grind up into hamburger, but come spring when those freshly sheared sheep are luring the ranchers out behind the silo for NSA sex the cows are neglected. So they try to slim down, but they can never seem to get skinny enough. It’s got to be the hormones.
Mar 23, 2009 at 5:18 pm rating: 7
#36
Wade
I’m amused at the folks who take the side of the note writer. While it is not unreasonable for him/her to be upset at the visits by the deputies, it is equally unreasonable for him to assume that: a) all the residents of the sub-division are calling in about his cows (or even give a damn about them), and b) that they would reasonably be able to discern that the cows has recently calved. There are ample incidents of animal neglect around the country to warrant at least some sort of call if there is a question as to the cattle’s condition. And it is not beyond the realm of possibility that the land in question is being held by a developer waiting on a zoning change, and is running a few head of cattle, without regard for their condition, to maintain an agricultural exemption (this is probably not the case in this instance, but someone driving by could not reasonably be expected to make that distinction).
As for not telling the note-writer to his/her face: a) if the cattle are in a pasture, it is often hard to tell who they belong to, and b) walking up to a stranger’s ranch in Texas and questioning their skills at animal husbandry is a good way to get a face (or backside) full of buckshot.
That said, it is a funny note. And it is, after all, all about the note.
Mar 23, 2009 at 5:29 pm rating: 6
#37
Goldie
OMG it suddenly dawned on me… Picture this. You’re an up&coming suburban resident. You owe the bank an insane amount of money for an oversized McMansion, which by the way you will never be able to sell for the price you bought it for.
Now imagine that, on top of house prices dropping in general, your property value is taking an extra hit because it shares a border with a farm, and a cow pasture. On sunny weekend mornings, you wake up to a sound of loud MOOing, and walk out onto your three-tier deck only to smell the relaxing scent of cow manure.
Now, I ask you, in this situation, what responsible citizen would not call the cops on the cow-neglecting farmer? You know, just on the odd chance the farmer gets tired of the harrassment and takes his farm elsewhere.
So yeah, this is what I think happened. Sadly, the farmer was there first, and has no intention of moving. Did I mention I fell in love with the guy after reading his note?
Mar 23, 2009 at 5:57 pm rating: 12
#38
EDiT
Why can’t you city folk stay the fuck out of country folk business?
Oh, I forgot … all y’all liberal city folk have the same “punch drunk” mentality as the piece of shit y’all conspired to elect as president!
Mar 23, 2009 at 6:59 pm rating: 3
#39
Jenn
I am at a loss for words. I was harassed for many weeks about my horse that likes to sleep in the sun. The sheriff dept finally had to start circular filing complaints so the people that were doing all of the harassing called the state equine management people, they drove all the way out from the big big city to come check on the poor horse that would lay in the sun dying of heat stroke and thrashing wildly (rolling btw NOT colic). And I live out in the middle of nowhere, the people calling were simply passing motorists going from urban area to another. I understand where they are coming from, because everyone knows horses sleep standing up and if they lay down the weight of their bodies in the wrong position will crush their lungs or some such nonsense. Come to think… I should post that on wikipedia!
Also, my hubby said we should move the horse to the back fields off the roads and then put up a giant sign that said, “Stop calling, horse was tasty!”
Mar 23, 2009 at 7:23 pm rating: 15
#40
G
Heh. Looks like everybody who’s had experience with livestock, and/or experience with morons filing idiotic false police reports on their animals[*], understands this rancher’s pain.
[*] because they’re, frankly, stump dumb and don’t bother to put in a few minutes’ effort to relieve their ignorance
Mar 23, 2009 at 8:49 pm rating: 6
#41
aradia
Team Doesn’t Think Olson is Being an Intolerant Petulant Bitch but also Team Mishee Usually Makes Me Laugh So Hard I Wet Myself.
Yeah, I swing both ways.
Mar 23, 2009 at 9:58 pm rating: 5
#42
Olson
Actually, upon further scrutiny of this note, I just noticed that “they will thank you too.” How do cows show their appreciation?
Mar 23, 2009 at 11:19 pm rating: 1
#43
Lucy
HAH. idiot neighbor.
Mar 24, 2009 at 1:35 am rating: 2
#44
aging hipster
I just wish I looked starved after giving birth. I had people asking me if I was pregnant again.
Mar 24, 2009 at 12:31 pm rating: 1
#45
RP
I don’t see how asking first would have helped in this situation. Sure, that’s good advice in general but who’s going to take someone’s word for it that the cow is supposed to look like it’s starving to death.
Mar 24, 2009 at 1:42 pm rating: 2
#46
Bassem B.
That’s a very good note. I especially like the last paragraph. That man has class.
Mar 25, 2009 at 10:01 am rating: 1
#47
plasticwrapcharlie
maybe it’s just me, but if I was the rancher, I’d be pissed if some people called the cops on me for something they knew nothing about, too. Which would lead to a pretentious note filled with “helpful” advice, which, while annoying, is far from unexpected or entirely illegitimate. just saying. and yes, if someone wrote that note to me that positive, kind tone would piss me off, I’m still just saying.
Apr 11, 2009 at 5:13 am rating: 0
#48 the good samaritan
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Sep 17, 2009 at 9:29 pm rating: 0
#49 the patty hearst of fish
[...] related: no, yuppie, my cow’s not starving [...]
Oct 7, 2009 at 11:52 pm rating: 0
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Feb 15, 2010 at 8:35 pm rating: 0
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