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Oh, the Rancher and the McMansioner should be friends

March 22nd, 2009 · 221 comments

Our anonymous submitter found several copies of this notice posted around her McMansion-filled neighborhood in Leander, Texas, just five charmingly rustic miles north of Austin proper. (If you’re a little short in the 4-H ribbon department, that’s your cue to shake your head and mutter “Pshaw, city folk!”)

Neighbors in Grand Mesa: I appreciate the concern as to the condition of my cattle. However, it is normal after calving that a cow looks "poor/starved." She also begins the nursing process that is a drain on her. I now have 6 spring calves. These are fed round bales on a regular basis as well as daily cattle feed. However, since you feel this is not enough, please feel free to contribute to their feed bill. You can send your contributions to [redacted]. Round bales are $55. Cubes $10 a bag. I do appreciate your concern and I look forward to your help in their care. And they will thank you too. Thanks too for calling the Williamson County Sheriff's Dept. It was good to see them again! They of course found no issue with the cattle.

related: If your grandma wrote PSAs

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · CAPS LOCK · horses, cows, & chickens · most popular notes of 2009 · MYOB · neighbors · Oops? · Texas · thanks (but not really)

221 responses so far ↓

  • #1   zombieBlanco bang

    Dang nabbit! Why didn’t I put up signs like this to cover the feed bill for my four kids? I could have mentioned that they looked scrawny, but were fed mac’n'cheese and kool-aid on a daily basis.

    Mar 22, 2009 at 7:23 pm   rating: 86  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Om NOM


      *bursts through the wall*

      I prefer purple drink.

      Mar 22, 2009 at 10:06 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Doug

      Psh, nobody cares about your kids, but I need my cows nice and juicy when I eat them! (It makes them so much more delicious.)

      Mar 22, 2009 at 10:32 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   aaa

      I care about zombieBlanco’s kids. I need them to be nice and juicy when I eat them. (It makes them so much more delicious.)

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:20 am   rating: 68  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Canthz_B bang

      She gets so scrawny after giving birth to and breast feeding them. I called the sheriff after she had the last one!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:17 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   MJWalrus

      @ Om Nom:

      The proper terminology is “purple drank.”

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:50 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Doesn't Pull Out

      No, no, @Om Nom likes the virgin version of Purple Drank, thus it is only the drink. However, please give me the whole sinful version, with ‘tussin and all.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #2   jabbadabbaduu

    “(…)and look forward to your help in their care.” I have to say I don’t think I would be much help if I was being taken care of by this guy’s cattle…

    Mar 22, 2009 at 7:39 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #3   Emily

    This is one of the best notes that’s been on here in a long time…

    Mar 22, 2009 at 7:45 pm   rating: 84  small thumbs up

  • #4   TheOldSchool

    “Mister, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” asked the young lady from the suburban Austin mcmansion that had just been built across the road.
    “Well, ma’am,” answered the rancher, “cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep’em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ‘uns by puttin’ a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops ‘em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns…. But the reason this cow don’t have no horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”

    Mar 22, 2009 at 8:10 pm   rating: 233  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   famine

      Love it! :-)

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #5   Fresca

    Beautiful note. I’d like to buy them a bale of hay.

    Mar 22, 2009 at 8:13 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   zombieBlanco bang

      Is ‘buy them a bale of hay’ a metaphor for ‘have sex with baby cows’ ?

      suddenly suspicious that ‘Fresca’ is actually a nom de plume for ‘Claw71′

      Mar 22, 2009 at 8:54 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Beanster bang

      do you think kerry will send us the number so we can contact rancher man and set up maybe a pay-pal transfer of funds? i just feel so inspired to help his cow. (of course i will send money from a fake account for the tax receipts. it’s that time again.)

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #6   Tammy

    Good for the rancher.
    What a spineless neighbor, running to the sheriff, gah.

    Mar 22, 2009 at 8:17 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

  • #7   KatieMB bang

    I always report scrawny animal sightings to the sheriff, though I admit they seem to care alot less about starving squirrels than I do.

    Mar 22, 2009 at 8:40 pm   rating: 68  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Ti O bang

      Is that why you called the Sheriff on me? :razz:

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:56 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   KatieMB bang

      I called you sheriff after you called me your “cute little prisoner” and handcuffed me. Btw, I found the sheriff’s star under my nightstand. *ahem*

      Mar 23, 2009 at 3:38 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Ti O

      Why shucks ma’am you couldn’t be purtyer ceptin that time you were hogtied in that field of texas bluebonnets and clover. I still get shivers everytime I smell fresh cut grass.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 4:11 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   KatieMB bang

      That was the best afternoon of my life. Sigh.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   Ti O bang

      “The hills are alive with the sound of KatieMB…”

      Mine too.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #8   The Prof

    HER “Tom!”
    HIM “What is it, honey?”
    HER “Look at that poor starving cow! DO SOMETHING!”
    HIM “I’ll call 911 right now~”
    HER” Oh Tom, I love it when you take charge…let’s go out for Soyburgers!”

    Mar 22, 2009 at 8:41 pm   rating: 122  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   voidseraph

      Good point. If only those vegetarians had a bit more real world agricultural experience they would realize that beef patties aren’t “dead/slaughtered” animals. They’re perfectly healthy. It’s just how they look when they’re nursing.

      Mar 25, 2009 at 3:29 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #9   G

    Lotsa busybodies out there who’d rather call Animal Control than just ask an animal’s owner about why things have a negative appearance (to the busybody, anyway). If they’d just go talk to the owner, could save time–and their tax dollars–and let Animal Control go handle the *real* problems. But nooooooooo, they have to make anonymous complaints, sometimes many anonymous complaints, so the owners and AC can’t even go reassure them about the issue.

    (I’m not the rancher in question, and I don’t have any cows, but I feel for the guy.)

    Mar 22, 2009 at 8:41 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   aaa

      Well, we all know that people never lie when asked about their seemingly suspicious activities, especially when strangers come knocking on their door.

      Mar 22, 2009 at 9:06 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Perhaps they feel that they will someday be included on that wonderful Animal Planet show. Animal Cops. Or maybe, PETA celebrity Jenna Jameson will show up on their door to congratulate them on the nosieness.

      Mar 22, 2009 at 9:13 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   G

      If people would just ASK, sometimes they’d learn that…oh…cows often look scrawny after giving birth.

      Or some horses are so allergic to grass that it’ll kill them, so no, that horse CANNOT be let out of its dirt paddock into the grassy pasture next to it (the horse in question died because some busybody felt sorry for her and opened the gate).

      Or this one house is fostering rescue dogs, which get adopted occasionally, and that’s why dogs sometimes suddenly disappear, and are replaced by other dogs. Or the house that has the dog that barks all night is the next one over, and they’re calling to report the wrong house.

      Or the horse is just short, not stuck in the mud.

      Yeah. There’s more, but I’ll stop now…

      If you’re not convinced by someone’s explanation, by all means, call AC. But if you just ASK beforehand, you might learn more about the situation and save everyone a lot of hassle.

      Mar 22, 2009 at 9:17 pm   rating: 120  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   Canthz_B bang

      And just how is Animal Control supposed to know where the “*real* problems” are if no one calls them, G?
      Do you suppose that my neighbor would tell me he tortures his dog, or that his dog always howls when he listens to country music?
      Have you any idea how many children die each year because people don’t call an authority to investigate a suspected situation, preferring to accept the explanation offered up by an abusive parent that the kid with bruises is “just clumsy”?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:09 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   anglophile bang

      When my sister moved from Wisconsin to Ohio, she was amazed at the number of calls she had to field at the humane society from people who were convinced the local dairy farmer was starving his Holsteins to death. She said they just wouldn’t take her word for it that dairy cattle are supposed to be boney like that.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:03 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   Meesh

      Oh so THAT’S why the neighbor kids are so bony and sick looking! They must be nursing their calves.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:38 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #9.7   Doesn't Pull Out

      How does calling Animal Control help those silly clumsy kids from knocking themselves loopy? You have an awful lot of faith in those Animal Control folks!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:44 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #9.8   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Ahh, “nursing their calves.” So THAT’s what the young people are calling it these days.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 5:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #10   Alicia

    Oh this is one of the best ones lately! Love it!

    Mar 22, 2009 at 9:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #11   aaa

    How do we know these donations are going to go towards feeding the cows and not to the surrey with the fringe on top?

    Mar 22, 2009 at 9:38 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   EthanH

      I don’t think I’ve ever commented here, but this comment did indeed make me laugh out loud. Credit where credit is due.

      –Non-McMansioner Austinite

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #12   TastyPrawn

    LEANDER! Represent!

    (Actually, I do not live in Leander. I’ve just always thought “Leander” sounded funny and imaged living there may be fun because you’d get to say “Leander” all of the time.)

    Mar 22, 2009 at 9:40 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Val

      pronunciation guide: LEE-ander

      I used to live there-ish. Williamson County cops are assholes.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:54 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   tammy

      Leander High graduate here :) Yes…it’s really that fun to say. Can’t help but have the accent on it hard as you may try.

      (BTW…the high school song contains the phrase “Let’s meander, oh Leander”)


      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:00 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   evil herbivore bang

      G, I agree with you 100%. I live on a dairy farm, and we get an amazing number of phone calls from “concerned” neighbours. My favourite was the one we got from an animal rights activist telling us it’s cruel to butcher animals for food… um… DAIRY cows, lady. Dairy.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:26 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   aaa


      Is the Threat of the Unitard out of vogue enough to be considered retro now?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.5   aaa


      Wikipedia says Leander is part of the Leander and Hero myth from ancient Greece. So evidently Leander can be said without “The Accent.” But only if you’re Greek, I guess.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #12.6   tammy

      Not if you’re from Leander :)
      I prefer claiming myself from Austin either way…

      Mar 23, 2009 at 3:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   yarnpr0n

    Well they probably look starved because he’s feeding them round bales.
    Funny I thought they stopped making round bales a while ago…(the cows weren’t getting a square meal, you see…)

    Mar 22, 2009 at 10:08 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

  • #14   Kay

    I live in Cedar Park which is 2 miles South of Leander… I am really sorry I missed out on this note… Though, CP is a little more “big city” (:oP) than Leander (who just got their first McD’s a month ago) so maybe that’s why.

    Mar 22, 2009 at 10:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      Yup. A town just ain’t modern until it gets a McDonald’s. It’s hard to keep’em down on the farm once Ronald and Grimace arrive.
      Soon they’ll have movin’ picture shows and one of them thar strip malls!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:58 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      I went to a strip mall once, but I think I misunderstood the concept. Those $1 bills stuffed into my man-thong really helped pay for my McMuffins, though!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:28 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   Canthz_B bang

      You showed your buns for McMuffins?! :lol:

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Don’t even ask about my quarter-pounder!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:36 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #14.5   Canthz_B bang

      I won’t even ask about the couple of McNuggets in that bag! :-P

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:46 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.6   Ti O bang

      Hoooo golly I heard tell that Leander is going to get one of them thar ceement ponds for folks to go a swimmin’ in.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:00 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #14.7   mamason bang

      Your “special sauce” was fucking delicious!

      :oops: sorry

      Mar 24, 2009 at 11:26 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #15   leftfoot

    Personally, I’d be scared to approach anyone’s farm in fear of getting shot – especially if I was inquiring about the condition of their livestock.

    Mar 22, 2009 at 11:33 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   aaa

      Well, you’d only have to worry about that if they wanted you to involuntarily contribute to their cattle’s feed. Now that people figured out that cows’ brains (and the brains of the humans that eat them) turn to Swiss cheese after they eat other cows, they have to turn to human sources of bone meal. Humans are just too plentiful and delicious for them to ignore.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:57 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #16   Jenn

    I had someone call the sheriff on me for one of my horses. She likes to sleep in the sun on her side. This busybody called the horse in as starving and dead in the paddock. Deputy comes by asking after the dead horse which is standing in the paddock, nickering at him.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 12:22 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Isn’t nickering a deputy a felony offense?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:21 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Canthz_B bang

      Not if there’s consent!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   Geek Goddesss

      Don’t you mean knickering? Or am I thinking of something else?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:22 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   Canthz_B bang

      Is knickering anything like “pants-ing”?

      Because, this one time at band camp…

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:43 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #16.5   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Keep thinking, Goddess!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.6   park rose bang

      It’s the thin edge of the wedgie ;)

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:10 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #16.7   dsny

      Don’t lie, you just picked up the dead horse and hid it under a carpet or something when you saw the squad car pull up. City folk are never wrong about animal cruelty!

      Mar 25, 2009 at 9:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #17   Griffen P.

    That round hay bale was fucking delicious!


    So was the cattle feed!! Lolz!!!!!!

    Mar 23, 2009 at 12:35 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    ♫ Green Acres, we are there! ♫

    Mar 23, 2009 at 12:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Alabaster Mom

      Thanks. I did have “Paper Planes” by M.I.A stuck in my head for the past two days, so I guess this’ll be the replacement.

      The chores! (And the anorexic cattle!)
      The stores!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

    I don’t know what the NURSING PROCSSS is, but it sounds sorta naughty and slithery, so it probably is a drain on ol’ Bossy. Or maybe it’s an anagram for Cross, Spring, Sun. Because they’re Holy Cows!, don’t you know. I’ll bet they’re eating Christian Bales.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 1:12 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Canthz_B bang

      Oh, you! You’re good, you! :-)

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Shucks, ’tain’t nuthin’ but bull flop!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    This must be from the Double R Bar Ranch.
    You can tell by the “SHERRIFFS”.

    yeah, i used to work at roy rogers’. what of it?

    Mar 23, 2009 at 1:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Meesh

      That’s terriffic. We at the Double F Dude Ranch wholly support both sherriffs and Roy Rogers fast food.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #21   aaa

    Is this sudden rush of proactiveness signaling the end of the bystander effect? If we can’t count on people to behave according to social psychological phenomena, what can we count on? What is this world coming to?!?!?! D:

    Mar 23, 2009 at 1:30 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Canthz_B bang

      Next thing you know people will be calling the police just because they hear someone crying rape outside their windows, instead of minding their own damned business…or asking the guy if he’s really raping that poor girl. That’s the least they can do before wasting tax dollars on a police presence.
      Damned nosy busy-bodies!!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:38 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   Jonas

      Believe it, or not, but for every one of those Jack and Jill’s who’ll call the cops about “malnourished” cows, there’s a Jane and John who know cattle and will if they notice actual maltreatment, but didn’t in this case where there was none.

      This isn’t the equivalent of someone calling the cops after hearing screams outside, this is the old lady who’ll call the cops on “gang wars” outside her window every time she sees someone who’s under the age of 40. Or the overly concerned woman who will call CPS every time she sees parents with a toddler not wearing socks in a stroller.

      Caution is important. But there’s a fine line between reporting suspicious behavior and being entirely unfamiliar with animal husbandry and calling the cops on a suspicion that is neither based in fact nor backed by even remote familiarity with the topic.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 4:54 am   rating: 57  small thumbs up

    • #21.3   Canthz_B bang

      So next time I see someone smack their kid silly, I’ll be sure to run to the library and pick up a book on child rearing.
      Excuse me, but the right thing to do if you have a reasonable suspicion about something is to call the authorities. That’s why we call them “the authorities”, because we are not all familiar with all topics, and cannot be expected to be.

      The right answer is not “If you don’t know what you’re talking about, shut up.”, it’s “If you don’t know, call someone who does.”

      At least that’s my humble opinion.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:11 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #21.4   Bernd das Brot bang

      Isn’t it kind of sad though that people don’t know what cows are supposed to look like in the first place? So they need to call the cops just in case (assuming the cops know)? That’s just my humble opinion.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:58 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #21.5   aaa

      Especially because we all know American children are taught proper cattle BMI in school. One of the few things that didn’t get completely obliterated by No Child Left Behind. :D

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:44 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #21.6   Olson

      Here’s the thing though. There’s an enormous difference between thinking someone’s cattle (property)MIGHT be malnourished and seeing someone smack the crap out of a kid or hearing someone shout “rape” outside your window. It’s ridiculous to compare the two.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 11:42 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #21.7   Wade bang

      That’s how hyperbole works. ;)

      Mar 23, 2009 at 11:52 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #21.8   Goldie bang

      What if a cow shouts “rape” outside your window, while simultaneously smacking the crap out of her kid?
      Srsly though, calling cops “just in case” because they “know better” is #1 on my pet peeve list. Do we really want to land an innocent person in jail, or an innocent parents’ child in foster care, just because we confuse our local police department with Google? If you don’t know, educate yourself and *then* consider making that call.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:15 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #21.9   Mishee bang

      Goldie, that’s when you call Gary Larsen for an artist’s rendering of the situation.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:22 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #21.10   G

      Canthz, I don’t think you understand “reasonable suspicion” as it relates to this topic.

      Which is precisely the problem that people owning/working with animals often have. People are way too willing to get indignant before even finding out if their suspicion is reasonable, or if it’s bullshit.

      Be informed. Know what you’re talking about. Ask the owner; if you don’t like the answer, then by all means call somebody, but make an attempt to find out what’s going on before you make accusations. Repeated anonymous complaints are a PIA for everyone involved, because if you never leave any contact info, no one can inform you about genuine facts of the matter (including those authorities, should they determine everything is fin)–and if you’re in error, then you’ll ignorantly continue to make the stupid complaints, and keep wasting everybody’s time.

      There are so many situations where people don’t understand what’s going on, and call the authorities or even interfere. Sometimes it wastes time (and your tax dollars). Sometimes it actually harms the animal involved, as in the case of the horse who died because some busybody felt sorry for her and opened the gate.

      Reasonable suspicion? Well, everybody who can talk is a human, and can manage to understand a lot of human issues. You may not have raised a kid, but you were once a kid. Trying to apply ignorance about child-raising to ignorance about animals is just irrelevant, and you know it is.

      If you don’t know how an animal reasonably looks, how it reasonably acts, how it reasonably IS, how can you begin to have a “reasonable suspicion”?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:28 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #21.11   Wade bang

      LOL, G

      And apparently you have no understanding of “passive aggression”.

      Or hyperbole.


      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #21.12   aaa

      Y’know Wade, if we get get some irony and some self-referencing going on here, maybe we could get this to be all bitchin meta so we can be “in” with all the hipsters and jaded philosophers.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.13   Olson

      Here’s the thing. I don’t necessarily think it’s hyperbole. It might be hyperbole if the comparison was skinny cows to beaten cows (not even going there with the raped cows thing…), but the comparison is skinny cows to raped and beaten humans. There’s no comparison and the supposed hyperbole doesn’t even fit.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:47 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #21.14   Mishee bang

      Personally, I just like to call the cops to keep them on their toes and say “Hi”…

      But if someone has “reasonable suspicion” that I am getting raped or robbed or beat up, by all means, PLEASE CALL THE COPS! That is why they are there and if that’s not the case, they will find out when they arrive. Otherwise, who knows how long it will be until they find my mangled, desecrated body floating in the bay?

      If more people paid attention to other people’s situations in this country, we might not actually be leaning toward being the cesspool of the world when it comes to violent crimes.

      And animal cruelty. I bet you $20 Michael Vick’s neighbors just “minded their own business” or figured “hey, he just likes dogs alot!” – (yeah, like a black man likes dogs… ever!)…

      G – just STFU before you make yourself sound more stupid.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:49 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #21.15   Mishee bang

      CB – the above comment regarding dogs has nothing to do with you and the Rockstar… since apparently you are a white woman…

      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #21.16   Wade bang

      Oh, and Olson. Quit whipping out your thing. It’s frightening the cattle.


      Mar 23, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.17   Olson

      Wow, Mishee….you certainly don’t hesitate to pull out STFU and name calling when you disagree with someone. I don’t understand why it makes G sound stupid to point out that people should actually make sure that there is reasonable cause before reporting that someone is abusing their animals (property). Don’t get me wrong. Outright abuse and neglect of animals is one thing, but just calling the authorities and saying someone is starving their animals to death with absolutely nothing to back that up (and no knowledge of what the freakin’ cow is supposed to look like) is just nosiness.
      As for the calling the cops if you are being beaten or raped…. stopped acting like that is at all related to calling the cops because you don’t like the way someone’s cows look. It’s completely different, so stop being ridiculous.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:02 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #21.18   aaa

      I think Olson should keep whipping out his thing. I’ve gotta test my new Dispos-all. I’m too lazy to keep burying my human remains in the woods… :c

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.19   Olson

      Wow…um…Wade, I don’t think I could whip my thing out if I tried…lol….certain physical restrictions on that, ya see! I’ll tell my husband to keep his put away, though.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.20   Wade bang

      ROFL ;)

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.21   Mishee bang

      Olson – As I am ridiculous by nature, it is physically impossible for me to stop being that way.

      I love STFU and will pull it out in a moment’s notice.

      And I am not the one who brought up being beaten or raped, I just jumped on the bandwagon, as Mishee™ often does.

      So STFU and let me be me!

      Oh, and calling the cops is calling the cops… I had a neighbor who would call the cops every single time we were on the sidewalk in front of her house, and although the cop (usually the same one) would show up every day, he would just laugh, shake his head, and go inside to calm her down and have a glass of lemonade.

      Like I said, the main point of my posting is: Its better to be safe than sorry, and the cops get paid for it – so once again, I implore you to STFU.

      Thank you, Cleveland.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:18 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #21.22   Olson

      *Goes to call the cops on Mishee*

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:21 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #21.23   Mishee bang

      And its really pissing me off that you keep saying “someone’s animals (property)” – although they may OWN them by law, they are still a living being and you keep referring to them as if they are a fucking couch or big screen TV.

      Get a clue!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:21 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #21.24   aaa

      People don’t really own big screen TVs. They only rent them just long enough to end up paying way more than it would cost to just go out and buy one.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:31 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #21.25   Bernd das Brot bang

      This reminds me of yesterday’s episode of TAR where one of the contestants got all teary-eyed as they were driving through a desolate part of India because nobody seemed to be feeding the stray dogs.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #21.26   Olson

      Regardless of whether it pisses you off (which I seem to do, by nature) the fact is that animals are property…like couches or big screen TVs. That doesn’t mean that people should abuse them, but they are still property.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #21.27   Mishee bang

      You must be a Republican.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.28   Olson

      Hmmmm…..I never considered that the fact that I know that animals are property might peg me as a Republican.
      Nice to meet you, you must be a Democrat.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:04 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #21.29   Bernd das Brot bang

      Hey, hey. Let’s all lighten up a little! Somebody make a joke about how delicious that cow was or something…

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.30   Wade bang


      You shouldn’t be down with O.P.C.*

      *it’s another six-letter word rhymin’ with tattle or prattle

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.31   Mishee bang

      No, the “property” issue didn’t peg you as a Republican.

      It just dawned on me that I don’t like you, therefore you must be one.

      I don’t like ANY republicans (with the exception of ghostie)… especially that W. dude.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.32   Olson

      Oddly enough, even though my political lean tends to get me labelled as intolerant, I like a lot of liberals. I just don’t generally get along with closed-minded people.
      I am, however, just tickled pink that you’ve decided that you don’t like me merely because I have the gall to disagree with you.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:33 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #21.33   Mishee bang

      Don’t feel special.

      I don’t like anyone who disagrees with me!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.34   mrs. pommelhorst

      “But if someone has “reasonable suspicion” that I am getting raped or robbed or beat up, by all means, PLEASE CALL THE COPS! ”

      Ahh but Mishee, your comparison is slightly off… if for instance I was pleasuring you in a way that the neighbors might construe was similarly sounding to you say, being attacked by hedgehogs… and they repeatedly called the cops, and we repeatedly told them we were fine and simply practicing the fine art of nipple clamping….

      Would you still agree with unnecessarily calling the cops?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 3:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #21.35   blah

      @21.11, did nt u mean sense of humor?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 4:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #21.36   Mishee bang

      Mrs. Pomm – I don’t mind.

      Then we can invite the cops to join! I mean, think about it… they have tasers

      Mar 23, 2009 at 4:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.37   claw71 bang

      First of all, Olson, that whole rape thing you keep bitching about was your wife’s idea. It’s not my fault she’s got a rape fetish. I will take the blame for bruising her cervix, however.

      As for slapping your kids in public, that was just your daughter and I believe she’s reached the age of consent.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 5:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.38   Sirius bang

      … even though my political lean tends to get me labelled as intolerant …

      I have a different theory about what’s earning you that label.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 5:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.39   Olson

      Yeah…about my “wife”….do a little reading. I don’t have a wife. I do appreciate you including me and my family in your daily fantasies, though.
      You may label me intolerant, but I’m not the one who is here insulting people and telling people to STFU because they disagree with my opinion. I’m pretty sure THAT is what falls within the definition of intolerance.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:10 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #21.40   Mishee bang

      *sits back and enjoys the shit she started*

      Oh, and Olson – I think there is a pretty good reason you don’t have a wife…

      I’m jus’ sayin’…

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.41   Olson

      That reason might be that I’m not a lesbian…

      I’m just sayin’…

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:22 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #21.42   Sirius bang

      It seems to be important to Olson that you address him in the feminine. Humor him. Sorry, her.
      I wasn’t really looking for your definition of what constitutes intolerance, but instead was pointing out that the label of intolerant may have been applied to you, not because of your political lean (whatever that is), but rather because you’re a petulant little bitch. Who takes offense easily. And thinks he’s a lady.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:23 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #21.43   Wade bang

      Here’s the thing, Olson ;)

      Sirius didn’t call you intolerant. Just wondered if your theory as to why others label you as intolerant might have an alternate explanation.

      And Mishee was talking to G, not you.

      Try making a joke about the note. It’s fun.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.44   Geek Goddess

      *Tsk* Goldie (21.8)
      Cows don’t have kids, they have calves! If she was smacking the crap out of a kid, chances are she had abducted it, and you should be calling the cops for sure!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.45   Olson

      I think it’s awesome that you guys can come up with so many justifications for your rudeness.
      Exactly what is it that I have done to make you call me a petulant bitch? I haven’t been rude, cussed anybody, called anyone names, insulted anyone’s family….I’m being pretty nice, actually. So what, exactly, is it that I’ve done to get all of this disrespect?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:28 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #21.46   Ti O bang

      What is a cow goes into a crowded fire station and shouts “MOVIE” ?
      Mrs Pommelhorst would that be the West European hedgehog Erinaceus europaeus or the North African Hedgehog Atelerix algirus. Because I think the West European would be a better nipple clamp than the North African. My last girlfriend Dixie, she was a midget Las Vegas showgirl with a polio limp and a lazy eye, always enjoyed the West European and found the North African lacking.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:32 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.47   Sirius bang

      Mrs. Olson:
      You called my cow a property.

      More importantly, you showed a tendency to get offended, which in PA Land is akin to a big Kick Me sign.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.48   Olson

      I certainly apologize for offending you by calling your cow a property, even though it is property. I just wish that this fact wasn’t offensive to you.
      As far as my tendency to get offended….pshaw….I’m not offended . I just offered up an opinion of my own and was treated disrespectfully because it didn’t agree with what certain other people thought. I’m actually pretty amused. I just find it all to be a little odd.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:40 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #21.49   Sirius bang

      It’s perfectly understandable, dude — your inability to see the crystal-clear connection between skinny cattle and child beating caused you to judge the comparison invalid, and to demand that the commenter stop using it. Which earned you an intolerant label, and a hot cup of STFU. You’re just lucky nobody called the cops on you.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.50   Ti O bang

      Here Mrs. Olson rent my cow. Do a little hand milkin’ make yourself a White russian and chill out. They are just Nihilists there’s nothing to be upset about.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:55 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #21.51   Mishee bang

      *finally figures out that Olson’s first name is Nellie*

      That explains the hoity toity attitude and extensive knowledge of a cow’s well being.

      These are things you need to know when you live in Walnut Grove.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:56 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #21.52   Olson

      STFU is definitely best served hot…but I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be served before or after the White Russian.
      How much is the rent on that cow?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.53   Olson

      Mishee, don’t forget my beautiful golden curls and cute upturned nose.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:58 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #21.54   Mishee bang

      Yes, I just want to “boing” them.

      Oh wait… that’s Ramona.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.55   Ti O bang

      Depends if you want it by the day, the week or the month. With this economy these dairy cows are a hot property erm… commodity. :wink:

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.56   anglophile bang

      So, um, Olson.

      First day on PAN? You’ll get the hang of it. If we’re lucky, tomorrow’s note will be about tipping servers!

      @Greek Goddess: I don’t think a cow kidnapping a kid is a call-the-police emergency. Everyone knows goats are heartless good-for-nothing parents who couldn’t care less if their kid got abducted.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.57   Olson

      Definitely not my first day on PAN. I just don’t always take the time to comment. I love it here and find the comments generally more entertaining than the notes. As a matter of fact, the people who have been hardest on me today are usually the ones who have me cracking up the most.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.58   Mishee

      *is cracking up instead of cracking others up*

      That’s what you get for getting into it with me on a Monday!

      And on a so-so note day!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.59   Olson

      *sends Mishee a White Russian*

      Drink up! The milk’s fresh!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.60   Canthz_B bang

      G, I know full well what reasonable suspicion means. I just don’t happen to agree with you on what to do when I have one.
      No big deal.

      Olson, I know the difference between child abuse, rape and livestock abuse as well.
      It’s often helpful take an idea and test out how it would work if applied in other circumstances.

      Now personally, if I’m driving by someone’s fucking south forty and see what I think (at 55MPH) was an awfully skinny cow, I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass. But I suspect someone else may call the police rather than try to find where on this vast spread the main house may be so they can trespass on private property and get a face full of buckshot.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.61   Olson

      Have a White Russian, Canthz B.
      Sit back,
      watch the skinny cows go by.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:47 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.62   Mishee

      See, this is why I live in CA.

      All we have here are Happy Cows.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:58 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #21.63   Canthz_B bang

      In AZ all of ours are skeletal remains…if you go by old Warner Bros. cartoons!

      Trust me, Olson, I’m not into White Russians. ;-)

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.64   anglophile bang

      Well, shit, CB. I think that’s going to totally bum Goldie out.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.65   Olson

      How about a Black Irish, Canthz B?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.66   Canthz_B bang

      That’s me…on my father’s side.

      Long story from the 1820′s. :-P

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.67   Canthz_B bang

      At least it’s good to know that G is looking out for our tax dollars. I’ll bet he’s the first one picketing in front of the statehouse against farm subsidies that pay taxpayer money (not chump change either) to farmers and ranchers to produce less to keep the prices we all pay for food higher.
      Gotta love the free market and supply and demand being manipulated by a few to screw the many.
      In fact, I’ll wager that if G qualifies for a farm subsidy check, he’ll send it back to Washington as happily/grudgingly as the execs at AIG have sent their bonus money back.

      Them’s what we call “Heartland Values”!

      Of course, those animal control people are drawing a paycheck whether they go into the field on investigations or not. It’s not like they get paid on a piece-rate/per call basis…I’d rather have them earn their pay, than get paid to sit in an office and play poker all day.
      It doesn’t save a dime to not call them.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 2:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.68   Canthz_B bang

      #21.4: Isn’t it a shame that you confuse animal control (who should be expected to know), with the police (who shouldn’t be expected to know) what cows should look like? Like I said, call the proper authorities, that’s why we call them “the authorities”.
      I admit to not knowing all that much about cows, I’d trust those who are supposed to know to know, and put the ball in their court. It’s nothing personal against the owner of the damned cow. It was probably just an honest concern about the cow. The owner, who presumably cares about his cows should be happy that if his cow were to be in distress someday, other eyes would be there to give him notice.
      If someone calls the police about such an issue, the complaint is normally directed to animal control. At least that’s what happens where I’ve lived.
      In fact just a few weeks ago I called the police about a stray dog w/collar, but no tags, and asked that they send someone out to take it to the pound. I was hoping the owner would look there for it in the morning. It was around 11pm. They told me I’d have to call back at 8am when animal control opened, so I had to keep the lost K-9 until morning. Cops don’t even do animal calls here it turns out (unless they are vicious).
      Go figure.
      Kept the mutt over-night, animal control came by first thing in the morning.
      Wasn’t rocket surgery, but I was late for work by a few minutes.
      What an inconvenience.
      Saw the dog being walked by the owner a few days ago…felt fucking great!!!

      Mar 24, 2009 at 3:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.69   Canthz_B bang

      Oh, and the whole rape hyperbole thing…go back to comment #21. She was referring to a classic case from back in the 1960′s (sorry, the name escapes me–college was way long ago) wherein a woman was being raped, and was ultimately murdered, the whole time screaming for help…and no one wanted to “get involved”. Most thought that surely someone else had called the police.
      No one had.
      So that’s where my rape comment came from.
      If you’d taken Sociology (do they offer that at Aggie?) you’d know that, and more, about human nature, and you wouldn’t have taken my comment so literally.
      But then, that’s what happens when you come to a conclusion and complain without asking what the deal is. If you’d only have asked me how I got to rape from cows, I’d have told you.
      But you didn’t ask…did you?

      Way to follow your own advice, thanks for the entertainment. It’s been real. :-P

      Mar 24, 2009 at 4:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.70   Corvid

      Urgh, I hate people who just don’t know better. Still, having them call the cops(or ask) is much better than those who try to take justice into their own hands. Last year, I had one of those busybodies release all the ‘abused animals’ in my backyard. I’m a wildlife rehabber. Most of the released animals died.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 8:07 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.71   Act

      For what it’s worth, animals *are* technically property. They’re property that I like better than many humans and who should be treated humanely, but you own your dog… unless it’s paying rent and working the nine-to-five, but hey…

      Also, the “but wouldn’t you report someone screaming RAPE?!?!?!?!” comparison was in fact ridiculous. I’m not sure how pointing that out merited a character assassination, though…

      This is more a case of people being nosy and uninformed than concerned. *shrug* Fortunately the farmer (or rancher, I guess) had a wonderfully dry attitude about it.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 3:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.72   Canthz_B bang

      You must not have read #21.69 and #21.
      Or you did and just don’t get it.
      Not my job to explain. Look it up.

      And the moon? Can’t you tell when someone is reaching into left field for a little sarcasm?
      Obviously not.
      A shame really.

      Would you rather I say that if I see a car that I’m pretty sure was a Chevy, I’m perfectly comfortable telling someone “I think I saw a Chevy today” without actually researching the make and model of the car before I do so?
      Because I can do that if you need me to.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 10:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #21.73   geeklygirly

      @Bernd das Brot (#21.25) – That bugged the hell out of me too! I was like, um, how about the starving CHILDREN? I would like to think that maybe they just focused on that because it was the least sad part of the situation, but somehow I don’t even buy my own theory there. Way to be selectively compassionate, former cheerleaders.

      Although I thought it was sweet when the deaf kid started crying. Guess I’m a sucker for a sensitive guy :-\

      Mar 25, 2009 at 1:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.74   d yma bang

      This sure is a long thread. And funny, too.

      Mar 25, 2009 at 1:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #22   Meesh

    I’d like to give the PAN author +5 points for the nursing process/drain pun.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 8:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   Tatman

    This is another shining example of “Mind your own fucking business!” Bravo to the rancher.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 8:51 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   aaa

      It’s kinda hard to mind your own business when others post their business all over town.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 11:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #24   claw71 bang

    See honey? I told you that I wasn’t being insulting when I called you a cow.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 9:00 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    ♫ Home, home on the range. Where the yuppies and the city slickers prey.
    Where seldom is heard,
    A discouraging word,
    So developers plant McMansions each May! ♫

    Mar 23, 2009 at 9:05 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #26   Mishee bang

    I guess this note goes to show that not everything is bigger in Texas…

    Mar 23, 2009 at 10:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #27   heyzeus

    Leander is about 30 miles from downtown Austin. It’s the most distant suburb and still rural and ranchland on the edge.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 10:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #28   Wade bang


    Since when did Cobra Commander start running cattle?

    Next time don’t call in the local constabulary… contact GI Joe!

    Mar 23, 2009 at 11:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Ti O


      Mar 23, 2009 at 11:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.2   KatieMB bang

      Is that your cobra or are you just happy to see me?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 5:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #28.3   Ti O bang

      The Cobra is mine but if it is a python your looking at well that belongs to Claw. :wink:

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #28.4   KatieMB bang

      Oh it’s a cobra alright… yessiree…

      *wonders where she can find some bluebonnets*

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #28.5   mamason bang

      Be careful, Katie. That cobra spits.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 11:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #29   Ti O

    “Hello I am Sally Struthers for only five dollars a week you could adopt a starving milker like “Mooey” here. Won’t you please help”

    Mar 23, 2009 at 11:30 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #30   Wade bang

    Let’s just face facts. The note writer got tired of his brother-in-law in the sheriff’s department coming out to the place to “investigate his cattle”.

    He kept showing up at dinnertime and was eating him out of house and home.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 1:15 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #31   Stuff Queer People Need To Know

    I do not understand this sign at all. But it is definitely aggressive.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 1:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Bernd das Brot bang

      What a PA thing to say.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #32   Wade bang

    “They of course found no issue with the cattle.”

    No issue? So there really weren’t any calves!

    The plot thickens.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 2:52 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #33   cTo

    Lole, I love that the rancher worded the note so calmly and eloquently. Its a definite smack in the face.

    As someone who has grown up with animals, I cannot begin to express my annoyance for people who don’t understand them but think they do. Like the parent who pulled her child out of camp because one of the camp rabbits nibbled on her shirt, claiming that the rabbit was “aggressive” and “could spread rabies.”

    I also worked at a zoo for awhile, and if I had a nickel for every time a guest ran up to me, claiming that X animal was sick and dying in its exhibit, only to follow them there and see said animal taking a nice lazy nap in the sun, well…I could put myself through grad school :P

    I appreciate that people care about the animals, I really really do, it’s a step in the right direction. But the total disconnect of many americans with actual animal science, replaced with fuzzy anthropomorphizing, is a step in the wrong one.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 3:37 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Ti O bang

      “Excuse me sir I passed by your cattle and not one of them said ‘Hello’ they are rude cows.”
      Thank you Walt Fucking Disney.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:16 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #33.2   dsny

      This to the umpteenth degree!

      Mar 25, 2009 at 9:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #34   LadyRed bang

    Round bales are only $55 each where this guy lives? So not fair! Pffft. And seriously… animal control over post calving skinniness is ridiculous.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 5:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #35   claw71 bang

    The cows aren’t underfed, they’re anorexic.

    It’s the impossible standard of beauty those slutty sheep force everybody else on the ranch to live up to. Sure, the cows are good enough to milk and grind up into hamburger, but come spring when those freshly sheared sheep are luring the ranchers out behind the silo for NSA sex the cows are neglected. So they try to slim down, but they can never seem to get skinny enough. It’s got to be the hormones.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 5:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #36   Wade bang

    I’m amused at the folks who take the side of the note writer. While it is not unreasonable for him/her to be upset at the visits by the deputies, it is equally unreasonable for him to assume that: a) all the residents of the sub-division are calling in about his cows (or even give a damn about them), and b) that they would reasonably be able to discern that the cows has recently calved. There are ample incidents of animal neglect around the country to warrant at least some sort of call if there is a question as to the cattle’s condition. And it is not beyond the realm of possibility that the land in question is being held by a developer waiting on a zoning change, and is running a few head of cattle, without regard for their condition, to maintain an agricultural exemption (this is probably not the case in this instance, but someone driving by could not reasonably be expected to make that distinction).

    As for not telling the note-writer to his/her face: a) if the cattle are in a pasture, it is often hard to tell who they belong to, and b) walking up to a stranger’s ranch in Texas and questioning their skills at animal husbandry is a good way to get a face (or backside) full of buckshot.

    That said, it is a funny note. And it is, after all, all about the note.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 5:29 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   anglophile bang

      Now I’m confused, although that could be just because it took me so long to read this comment, what with all that city planning stuff and four-syllable words in there.

      All this time, I’ve thought it’s all about The Mishee™.


      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #36.2   Ti O bang

      Wait… so now I am confused. Is or isn’t it all about the Mishee™ ?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #36.3   Mishee

      Yes, for once Wade is wrong.

      It is all about the Mishee™…

      And don’t you forget it!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #36.4   Canthz_B bang

      Shoot, Wade.
      I wrote some of the same thing almost word for word above.
      That’s what I get for not reading the whole day before responding to someone who thinks it’s unreasonable for someone to not look-up or study something that they think is obvious…even when they’re wrong.

      I’m a pretty knowledgeable person, but I didn’t know all that about cows and nursing and I wouldn’t think most people not raised around cows would. I think it’s a reasonable, albeit wrong, assumption to make that when something looks excessively bony it’s malnourished. I do not think it is reasonable to expect someone, having made this assumption,to go skipping up to some one’s door and ask about it.
      I don’t think it’s reasonable to think that they’d go and study up on the subject either.
      If I look up at night and see what I believe to be the moon in the sky, I’m not going to go study astronomy to make sure.

      I really don’t see what the big deal is. Nothing was wrong with the cows, the note-writer didn’t get hauled off to jail unfairly. If he’s this insulted at a visit from whoever has proper jurisdiction to come by and see if everything is ok…imagine how he would have treated an average concerned citizen. I don’t think he’d have sat them down and given them a folksy lesson on dairy cows, but I do think he’d have taught them a lesson they would not soon forget.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:12 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #36.5   Meesh

      CB and Wade, I couldn’t agree more.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 8:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #36.6   Act

      FTR, Wade does make valid points.

      But… the moon comparison is just a logical fallacy. It’s reasonable to assume you recognize the moon, something you’ve been taught about and seen you’re entire life. Unless you’ve had experience on a ranch, it’s *not* reasonable to assume you can, from a distance no less, distinguish a healthy animal from a seriously malnourished one.

      In the same vein, you kind of have to consider that this is a cow being spoken about. Many, if not most, people could recognize a malnourished dog… again, because many people have regular contact with dogs. I own a bird, and I could definitely discern if one was sick or not. But if you don’t have any experience with cows, you really have no basis to make judgments, particularly ones serious enough to call the police on the owner.

      Hell, I live down the road from a ranch. I see the cows all the time. Never once have I seen one sunbathing and thought, “OMG DEAD CARCASS POLICE!!!!” It’s completely ridiculous… especially because I’m aware of the fact that I don’t know enough about cows to even determine if one is ill or not.

      If these people had enough prior knowledge that they felt they really needed to call the police, then maybe the farmer does have a real problem. But odds are, they just think they know best, when they really didn’t. And this is the difference between responding to rape calls, a starving/ill dog or cat, the moon (?!?!), and a dying cow.

      I can’t even believe I had to write that last sentence. Imagine how ridiculous that sounds out of context. xDD

      EDIT: Holy crap. tl;dr?

      Mar 24, 2009 at 3:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #36.7   Canthz_B bang

      Oh, please. People may not have a lifetime of experience with cows, but most have a pretty good clue of what starvation looks like.
      It just so happens that cows can be perfectly healthy and look like skin and bones.
      Is it so hard to believe that someone, using their life’s experience of “skin and bones equals starvation”, could just make an honest mistake?
      Why are you people so disdainful of people who just don’t know this quirky fact because in their everyday lives they have no need to know?

      Acting because you’re sure is not acting on reasonable suspicion, it’s acting on known fact.
      Suspicion means you’re not sure, but you think something may be the case.

      You be trippin’ , Yo.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 10:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #36.8   dsny

      “b) that they would reasonably be able to discern that the cows has recently calved.”

      Yeah, not like people can help it that calves are tiny and camouflaged and hide behind small lumps of grass whilst their mothers stagger around on crutches with an empty wooden bowl mooing “Please suh, can oi have some moah?”

      Really, with wikipedia at almost everyone’s fingertips there’s very little excuse for ignorance.

      If you can’t make the distinction between regular animal care and animal neglect, it’s not animal neglect. Neglect is more often than not more than obvious to even the biggest laymen, it is the nature of neglect.

      Mar 25, 2009 at 9:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #36.9   Mishee bang

      *likes it when CB speaks in Ebonics*

      It makes him sound so… ethnic

      Mar 25, 2009 at 10:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #37   Goldie bang

    OMG it suddenly dawned on me… Picture this. You’re an up&coming suburban resident. You owe the bank an insane amount of money for an oversized McMansion, which by the way you will never be able to sell for the price you bought it for.
    Now imagine that, on top of house prices dropping in general, your property value is taking an extra hit because it shares a border with a farm, and a cow pasture. On sunny weekend mornings, you wake up to a sound of loud MOOing, and walk out onto your three-tier deck only to smell the relaxing scent of cow manure.
    Now, I ask you, in this situation, what responsible citizen would not call the cops on the cow-neglecting farmer? You know, just on the odd chance the farmer gets tired of the harrassment and takes his farm elsewhere.
    So yeah, this is what I think happened. Sadly, the farmer was there first, and has no intention of moving. Did I mention I fell in love with the guy after reading his note?

    Mar 23, 2009 at 5:57 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #38   EDiT

    Why can’t you city folk stay the fuck out of country folk business?

    Oh, I forgot … all y’all liberal city folk have the same “punch drunk” mentality as the piece of shit y’all conspired to elect as president!

    Mar 23, 2009 at 6:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Olson

      So…you should probably go ask the nurse for your meds now, EDiT.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #38.2   Ti O bang

      You may have to speak louder to get through the tinfoil helmet.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:20 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #38.3   Olson

      I don’t think I can yell that loud Ti O.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #38.4   Mishee

      *sits back and waits for CB to take care of EDiT*

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #38.5   Canthz_B bang

      Just two words: Iowa Caucus ;-)

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #38.6   Canthz_B bang

      The funny thing is, we “liberal city folk” said the same thing when the “Bush is the kinda guy I wanna have a beer with, and Gore answered every question” folks critiqued the debates, and then voted in as the leader of the free world, a man who admitted to having gotten “gentleman’s C’s” in college.
      And talk about a conspiracy? A Supreme Court ruling wherein the high court states that this is not to be considered a precedent, but stop counting the votes anyway?
      Yeah, we really farted one off by electing the former editor of the Harvard Law Review…but at least he can speak English, and probably won’t grope the Chancellor of Germany any time soon, or have any shoes tossed his way.
      What an embarrassing eight years. :-(

      Mar 24, 2009 at 12:24 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #38.7   Mishee bang

      What eight years are that?

      Oh… the ones I have blocked out of my subconscious? Last I remember the news told me Gore was president… then I woke up and saw Obama being sworn in.

      That explains a lot.

      Mar 25, 2009 at 10:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #38.8   EDiT

      What an embarrassing eight years, sweetheart?


      Mar 25, 2009 at 8:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #38.9   EDiT

      And, it only gets more special olympic-y!

      Mar 25, 2009 at 8:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #39   Jenn

    I am at a loss for words. I was harassed for many weeks about my horse that likes to sleep in the sun. The sheriff dept finally had to start circular filing complaints so the people that were doing all of the harassing called the state equine management people, they drove all the way out from the big big city to come check on the poor horse that would lay in the sun dying of heat stroke and thrashing wildly (rolling btw NOT colic). And I live out in the middle of nowhere, the people calling were simply passing motorists going from urban area to another. I understand where they are coming from, because everyone knows horses sleep standing up and if they lay down the weight of their bodies in the wrong position will crush their lungs or some such nonsense. Come to think… I should post that on wikipedia!

    Also, my hubby said we should move the horse to the back fields off the roads and then put up a giant sign that said, “Stop calling, horse was tasty!”

    Mar 23, 2009 at 7:23 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   The Dude

      Uhmm so not ” Stop calling the horse Fucking delicious”?


      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #39.2   Mishee

      You think you escape my scrutiny The Dude?

      I know where you live!

      The Unitard is in the mail!!!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #39.3   cTo

      Seabiscuit used to sleep lying down, i hear

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #39.4   Jenn

      lol this horse is definitely not seabiscuit… more along the lines of sea-donut. We like to says she’s well sprung in her ribs… more like she’s just very famine resistant.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #39.5   Meesh

      I had a similar experience. I live near horse farms, and this one horse would always be lying on its side when I drove by. So I went to the neighbor’s house and asked if she knew the horse was lying down so much. She said thanks for the concern but that the horse just really liked lying down. No harm, no foul. I guess that’s what happens when both people behave like rational adults.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 8:47 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #40   G

    Heh. Looks like everybody who’s had experience with livestock, and/or experience with morons filing idiotic false police reports on their animals[*], understands this rancher’s pain.

    [*] because they’re, frankly, stump dumb and don’t bother to put in a few minutes’ effort to relieve their ignorance

    Mar 23, 2009 at 8:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   Canthz_B bang

      Why would anyone file a report on an animal? Wouldn’t paper be more convenient?

      “…stump dumb and don’t bother to put in a few minutes’ effort to relieve their ignorance” indeed!!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #40.2   Canthz_B bang

      I mean, really, G…just because you know something about cows that nobody else gives a crap about, doesn’t mean that they are dumb.

      Have you not considered that you don’t know everything about everything? If so, are you currently studying up…on everything?
      Does not knowing everything about everything make you dumb?
      I bet I know more about African-American History than you do. I also would hazard a guess that you’re “frankly, stump dumb and don’t bother to put in a few minutes’ effort to relieve (your) ignorance” about the subject.

      Food for thought.

      Oh, and thanks for the info on cows…I had really never heard that, and would have assumed that a skinny cow was sick…like most animals are when they don’t look “healthy” . We weren’t big on 4H in the NY metro area where I, about 15 million other of your fellow Americans were raised. We didn’t spent much (any at all) time with real, live animals (dogs, cats and gerbils excluded), so forgive us for thinking the seemingly obvious is true.
      I mean, if you saw, I dunno, a skinny… basically insert animal here, I’d forgive you for thinking it had missed a meal or six.
      It’s a reasonable assumption, though not a fully informed, reasoned one. There’s a difference.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 11:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #40.3   mamason bang

      Ooo… I know, I know! The gerbil was the insert animal, right?

      Mar 24, 2009 at 12:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #40.4   Mishee bang

      Only to Richard Gere.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 12:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #41   aradia

    Team Doesn’t Think Olson is Being an Intolerant Petulant Bitch but also Team Mishee Usually Makes Me Laugh So Hard I Wet Myself.

    Yeah, I swing both ways.

    Mar 23, 2009 at 9:58 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   Mishee bang

      Personally I am usually on Team Gigglebrax.

      Sorry, I was off my game today. I feel ashamed and now will fade into the background and wait for another day.

      Maybe tomorrow will be better… after all, it IS another day…

      (BTW – I didn’t think Olson was being a intolerant petulant bitch either… I was just trying to cause trouble… see what being the youngest of 8 can do to a person? What can I say, I am a shit starter!)

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #41.2   Olson

      Don’t DARE fade into the background and wait for another day!
      No shame necessary and today has actually been a great day. (It was a pretty gorgeous day here, actually) No shit was actually started….just heated debate that kept this place from dying.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #42   Olson

    Actually, upon further scrutiny of this note, I just noticed that “they will thank you too.” How do cows show their appreciation?

    Mar 23, 2009 at 11:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Canthz_B bang


      Mar 24, 2009 at 12:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #42.2   Sirius bang


      Mar 24, 2009 at 10:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #42.3   mamason bang


      Mar 24, 2009 at 12:03 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #42.4   Ti O

      A “thank you neighbor” pie?

      Mar 24, 2009 at 12:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #42.5   KatieMB bang

      ….a chocolate pie?

      Mar 24, 2009 at 5:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #42.6   Ti O bang

      Hmmm. Maybe. Looks kind of like a chocolate rubarb.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 5:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #43   Lucy

    HAH. idiot neighbor.

    Mar 24, 2009 at 1:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #44   aging hipster

    I just wish I looked starved after giving birth. I had people asking me if I was pregnant again.

    Mar 24, 2009 at 12:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #45   RP

    I don’t see how asking first would have helped in this situation. Sure, that’s good advice in general but who’s going to take someone’s word for it that the cow is supposed to look like it’s starving to death.

    Mar 24, 2009 at 1:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   Canthz_B bang

      Certainly not the PETA nut who bothered to call it in.

      Besides, every time I’ve ever driven by one of those huge spreads with animals out in the field, and the house about a half mile to a mile in from the road, the gate at the road normally has a few “Private Property” and “No Trespassing” signs prominently displayed. I don’t think they want company.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 11:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #46   Bassem B.

    That’s a very good note. I especially like the last paragraph. That man has class.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 10:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #47   plasticwrapcharlie bang

    maybe it’s just me, but if I was the rancher, I’d be pissed if some people called the cops on me for something they knew nothing about, too. Which would lead to a pretentious note filled with “helpful” advice, which, while annoying, is far from unexpected or entirely illegitimate. just saying. and yes, if someone wrote that note to me that positive, kind tone would piss me off, I’m still just saying.

    Apr 11, 2009 at 5:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #48   the good samaritan

    [...] related: oh, the rancher and the mcmansioner should be friends [...]

    Sep 17, 2009 at 9:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #49   the patty hearst of fish

    [...] related: no, yuppie, my cow’s not starving [...]

    Oct 7, 2009 at 11:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #50   "It takes a mother-fing village, asshole!!" |

    [...] related: Oh, the Rancher and the McMansioner should be friends [...]

    Feb 15, 2010 at 8:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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