All the makings of a great Noah Baumbach screenplay

March 25th, 2009 · 248 comments

Victoria in Foster city, California, says her brother taped this note to one of the kitchen cabinets in their mother’s house after her boyfriend took his own frozen chicken out of little brother’s grasp the night before. (Just to clarify that mess of pronouns: it was Victoria’s boyfriend’s chicken. Not that it really matters.)

Kitchen Rules

“He’s 17 and constantly PMS-ing and thinks he has reign of the house,” Victoria says of her brother. So, in response, Victoria did whatever any older sibling does when a parent tells you to suck it up and act your age. (Namely: exactly the opposite.)

New "house" rules: pubescent adolescents don't make house rules

all the makings of a great noah baumbach screenplay

all the makings of a great noah baumbach screenplay

related: no girls allowed

FILED UNDER: California · family · kitchen · not-so-veiled threats · rebuttals · siblings


248 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Sirius bang

    I said GOOD DAY Sir!

    Mar 25, 2009 at 7:44 pm   rating: 72  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   TheOldSchool

      Abraham Lincoln once said, “While using a feather is considered erotic, using the whole chicken is, like, totally awesome.”

      Had freezers been invented during Lincoln’s lifetime, one can only imagine what kind of kinky shenanigans our 16th President would have enjoyed with his beloved wife, Mary Todd.

      He was ahead of his time.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:55 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Saysh bang

      Sirius – that was my very first thought as well! I want to see the rest of the room to see if everything is cut in half.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Mishee™ bang

      I still don’t get how he was able to use that half of a teacup…

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Saysh bang

      Same way the great glass elevator could go through a roof without breaking and then continue on into space.

      Some things are just not meant to be questioned Mishee.

      Like me.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Mishee™ bang

      That movie ruined elevators for me. Now every time I get in one at work, I always look for that damn button!

      Never find it though.

      *sigh*

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Saysh bang

      I want it to be there too.

      But I want to push it for the OTHER people as I get OFF the elevator. Just so they can slam into the ceiling while I point and laugh

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Mishee™ bang

      How coincidental is it that the phrase in question was made popular by both a candyman (he can!) and a candy junkie?

      That’s spooky!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   agatha christie

      Mishee, I thought Fez instead of Willy Wonka when Sirius made the first post. And then felt sad that I thought Fez first instead of Willy Wonka.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 7:19 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Even worse.. I thought of Bobby Hill..*sob*

      Mar 27, 2009 at 9:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   Bunnee

      I’ve got you all beat. I thought of Phoebe from Friends.

      *ponders my life up to this point, and how it’s been wasted smoking out and watching drivel on TV*

      *on second thought, loads bowl and checks the TV listings*

      Mar 28, 2009 at 2:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   bobby

      TheOldSchool took mine.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 5:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Sirius bang

    I guess if you finish high school

    Mar 25, 2009 at 7:45 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Sirius bang

      you can plan your notes to

      Mar 25, 2009 at 7:46 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Sirius bang

      fit on one page.

      Mar 25, 2009 at 7:46 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Sirius bang

      Burma Shave!

      Mar 25, 2009 at 7:47 pm   rating: 76  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   DCSC

      *standing up and clapping*
      Nicely done!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 7:06 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   T bang

      IsaidgoodDAY!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:42 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   Quite Contrary

      You…you…guest bringer, you!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:11 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   VB

    So if I’m not hungry at 11pm then I just throw the food out?

    And kudos to the note writer spanning three post-its. All these years I’ve just been sticking them to each other and making one long note.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 7:47 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   TheOldSchool

      If I’m reading this jumble correctly, Victoria addresses her younger brother as, “Dad.”

      Given this, I think the headline should have referenced Robert Towne rather than Noah Baumbach.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Sirius bang

      Bravo for the Chinatown reference. You’re much funnier when you’re funny.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:04 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   TheOldSchool

      I found that remark to be a bit passive-aggressive.

      Maybe you should find a site that revels in that sort of thing, and make your back-handed compliments there.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 7:19 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   anglophile bang

    I don’t have a little brother, but close observation of my nephews has taught me that one should never taunt one’s younger brother with the words, “what are you going to do, hit me?”

    Mar 25, 2009 at 7:52 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   KatieMB bang

      I said that to my mother … once. Learned that lesson quite quickly!

      Mar 25, 2009 at 8:17 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   TheOldSchool

      Glo,

      Too close. Your siblings are talking.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Monkeyspeaks

    PLEASE!!! What does the missing note say! I can’t formulate a witty response without ALL of the passive aggression available

    Mar 25, 2009 at 7:52 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Lorelie

    Shit, wait, what? 17 year old males DON’T make the rules?

    My step-mother lied to me! I didn’t have to listen to Rancid and smell nasty socks. *sobs*

    Mar 25, 2009 at 7:57 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Lorelie

    They must live in Europe if grocery shopping is to be done on a daily basis.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 7:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   TheOldSchool

      It’s slightly ironic that this got started over a frozen chicken, and the family lives in Foster City.

      Frank Perdue is probably rolling in his grave, slow-roasting, rotisserie-style.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:01 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Mishee™ bang

      If you have ever been to Foster City then you would know its not something that one would actually brag about.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Quite Contrary

      But, considering it’s Foster City, I’m not surprised the older sister is having her boyfriend stay there, keeping her up, keeping others up, frustrating others, annoying her, and imprisoning her to one room.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Saysh bang

      Well, yeah, now that the Circle Star is gone…

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Mishee™ bang

      Well, have you seen the price of rent in this area?

      I had to live with my mama until I was 25.

      Its just impossible.

      But I wouldn’t live anywhere else… Bay Area, represent!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:17 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   T bang

      Most of the houses in Foster city are built on infill! No thank you I would rather live in San Mateo or San Carlos. :razz:

      Mar 26, 2009 at 1:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Monkeyspeaks

      We do grocery shopping every few days or I stop in at night on my way home to pick up something fresh for dinner. BUT then again my parents learned to cook in italy so they imposed that habit on me and now I still do it when I want to cook something that involves fish (or meat for the meat eater i live with)

      Mar 26, 2009 at 1:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   Mishee™ bang

      T – I would rather live in Sunnyvale..

      Oh wait.

      I do.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 1:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   T bang

      How far from Moffet is that? if it is closer than I would rather live there.

      Oh And ALL of Foster city is on landfill over swamp land. YAY! :razz:

      Mar 26, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.10   Mishee™ bang

      Well, lets put it this way….

      first of all, in the week after 9/11 I was still hearing planes in the sky overhead… I can tune out when the F-16s and other planes decide to go do maneuvers and attempt to break the sound barrier… I have no cell service at my mother’s old house since we are directly between Moffett and SJC…

      Oh… and where ever I live is close to a Moffett considering it’s one part of my two part maiden name! :)

      Mar 26, 2009 at 1:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.11   mrs. pommelhorst

      Note to self:

      Mishee in Sunnyvale.
      Favorite tea shop in Sunnyvale.

      Must stalk Sunnyvale.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 3:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.12   Mishee™ bang

      Really Mrs. P?

      And what tea shop might that be?

      *makes mental note to stalk Mrs. Pommelhorst*

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Sam

    sounds like a whole family of bitches.

    (aside from the sick mother).

    Mar 25, 2009 at 8:00 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Lorelie

      Including the sick mother. You know she’s faking to avoid her annoying children.

      Mar 25, 2009 at 8:25 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   KatieMB bang

      …. because she’s so proud of the job she’s done raising them.

      Mar 25, 2009 at 8:30 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Seitz

    That was confusing. The whole time I was reading that, I thought the boyfriend was the mom’s boyfriend, but now I get the sense it was Victoria’s boyfriend. It makes more sense if that’s the case.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 8:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Paul

      My confusion as well. “Her” is too close to “mother…”

      Mar 25, 2009 at 8:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   claw71 bang

      I thought they were talking about the TV show. When I saw “House” rules I thought to myself, yes, House does rule. Hugh Laurie is awesome.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:17 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Clumber

      Sadly, when i see Hugh Laurie I cannot think of anything beyond Percy in Blackadder… and then laugh myself into a stupor and forget what… Baldric – put that penis-shaped turnip down and get over here…!

      A Dr.? Yeah right, and WTF is Queenie!??!

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    Maybe Sis’ boyfriend is acting like he lives at mom’s house too. Notice the dash subconsciously placed in front of “out by 11PM” as if it is a bullet point in and of itself.

    Oops, just finished the note! It’s a stand alone house rule. Must have come to him when he did the kitchen rules. :-)

    Mar 25, 2009 at 8:11 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   KatieMB bang

      But out of the kitchen by 11, or out of the house altogether?

      Either way, “GET OUT!” *shoves the offender*

      Mar 25, 2009 at 8:14 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   KatieMB bang

    *puts her name on her Diet Coke, Monsters and percocets*

    Mar 25, 2009 at 8:12 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Mishee™ bang

      That’s all you really need to live a happy life. Well… except…

      *puts name on Thin Mints*

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:30 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Saysh bang

      *puts my name on CB*

      What? *I* need that to live a happy life…..

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:49 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   mare

    glad I don’t live in that heathy household!

    Mar 25, 2009 at 8:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Canthz_B bang

      I love Heath toffee bars! I’d stay with them for a while.

      Mar 25, 2009 at 8:22 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   park rose

      I guess it is the type of note that Cathy might write.

      Mar 25, 2009 at 8:31 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   mamason bang

      10 points for the “WH” reference, Rose! ;-)

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Scribbles the Monkey bang

    I like the concept of arbitrary rule-making, actually. This piece is inspiring. I live alone, but maybe I’ll post some rules for myself… Why not, eh?

    Mar 25, 2009 at 8:15 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   JoelWhy

    Do I have to write my name on EVERY Cheetoh?

    Mar 25, 2009 at 8:27 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Holiday Djinn

      The real bitch is putting it on every single grain of rice and pasta. . . . . .

      Mar 26, 2009 at 7:09 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   TheOldSchool

      I’m hoping you’re both just “joshing” (i.e., engaging in a form of good-natured bantering).

      Nobody in his right mind would write his name on every cheetoh, or every single grain of rice!

      He’d get himself a tiny rubber stamp.

      It’s called “T-E-C-H-N-O-L-O-G-Y.”

      Mar 26, 2009 at 7:13 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Warn someone when you’re going to pull out a good ha. I had just taken a large sip of coffee. My poor laptop.

      Mar 29, 2009 at 12:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   anglophile bang

    The notes were clearly written in a fit of Flowers-in-the-Attic-style jealousy.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 8:32 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   claw71 bang

      There’s also a Gilbert Grape vibe going on here. Is mom really sick, or just stricken with super duper morbid obesity?

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:22 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Mishee™ bang

      *starts cutting out construction paper flowers and a big purple snail for the walls of mother’s room*

      It should cheer her up… right?

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   T bang

      I’m having a party and you can’t come..yer not invited.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Beanster bang

    Extra Info:

    I know that mother’s “imprisonment” is more related to the handcuffs she got a hold of when snooping through my things and then used on herself and swallowed the key (like I said, she’s extremely sick), but I fucking hate your boyfriend, so he should just go home. Plus, Mother starts shaking the headboard at 11, so it’s really best for him to leave.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 8:39 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   ryan0mega

    I have to side with the 17 year old. My sister is a super inconsiderate tool, and I wouldn’t like it if she brought people in the house and ‘bullied’ me. I would have probably put their numbers in truck stop stalls, but then again, if i’m tough enough to tag up a truck stop stall (not actually use it though) then I guess I could just tell the douchebag to get out of my house. sooo, bring a knife out next time. it only takes one time to fix the situation!

    Mar 25, 2009 at 8:50 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Mishee™ bang

      Is your sister’s name Carrie Lee?

      Cause if so, her number is already there.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:34 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Carolyn

    Other than the annoying note, I’m with the little brother. It’s his house and unless someone has ruled otherwise, the food in the fridge belongs to people who live in the house. He saw some chicken and took it. If non family members leave food in the fridge perhaps they should label it.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 8:54 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   djr

      I’ll wager a guess that the house actually belongs to the mother. Kid needs to STFU and not eat other people’s food without asking.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Quite Contrary

      People! it’s frozen chicken!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   djr

      Frozen chicken is serious business.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 3:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   agatha christie

      Serious business indeed, djr. It can be downright expensive depending on what kind of frozen chicken it is: boneless/bone-in, legs/thighs/wings/breasts, generic/natural/organic…

      Mar 26, 2009 at 7:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Monkey Speaks

      ERRR, if you read the “bit” above the post you’ll notice the OP mentioned that the chicken was her boyfriends and the brother wanted it and didnt get it.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 7:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Wade bang

    Earlier that day…

    Brother: [Sister turns around; startled by Brother's presence] Sorry. I’m here.
    Sister: I didn’t see you.
    Brother: I’m just writing a passive-aggressive note. I’m trying to do something inappropriate but also unfunny. Not jokey, more pubescent adolescent humour…

    Mar 25, 2009 at 9:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   T bang

      Father?
      Yes son?
      I want to kill you.
      Mother?
      Yes son?
      I want to Aiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *screams does lizard king dance*

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:48 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Saysh bang

      Oh Timo!!

      Today, you are my hero!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Mishee™ bang

      “Son?”
      “Yeah, Dad?”
      “How was your day, son?”
      “Great, Dad. How’s yours?”
      “Super. Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?”
      “Great, Dad. But I got homework to do.” :(

      “That’s okay, son. You can do it on the boat.”
      “Gee.” “Hon, isn’t our son swell?”
      “Yes, dear. Isn’t life swell?”

      no… wait…

      “Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk.”
      “You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful!”
      “Shut up bitch. Go fix me a turkey pot pie.”
      “No dad, what about you?”
      “Fuck you!”
      “No dad, what about you?”
      “Fuck you!!”
      “Dad, what about you?”
      “Fuck you!!!!”

      Ok. That sounds more like it.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:04 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   KatieMB bang

      “Is that for real?”
      “You wanna come over sometime?”

      Yay! Another Breakfast Club reference!!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 3:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   T bang

      For my birthday I got a carton of cigarettes…

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   Mishee™ bang

      Katie, besides the obvious reasons I put that in there just for you.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.7   KatieMB bang

      Why thanky Mishee™!

      “Being bad feels pretty good, huh?”

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.8   Mishee™ bang

      Yeah… Molay really pumps my nads….

      (I mean, if I had nads!) :D

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.9   KatieMB bang

      We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that’s all.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Shadow

    I’d have to say I agree with the little brother… he is probably just sick of his sister’s bf acting like he lives there.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 9:10 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Flaboy2425

      Big sisters can be such a PIA, especially where bf is in the picture. I’m with younger brother.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 2:00 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Anonymous

      I actually know all parties in this story and I can honestly say that the little brother is an inconsiderate, irresponsible, rude want-to-be tyrant. The boyfriend is respectful of his space and the sister can sometimes instigate things, but he is to blame most of the time.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   Mishee™ bang

      Well, get Vicki on here and tell her to take a pic of the note that was cut off.

      We hate getting only half of the information!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   Sirius bang

      I actually don’t know any of the parties in this story, and I can honestly say (without fear of contradiction) that the little brother is a bit imperious for thinking he gets to make the rules, is kind of a jerk for using the whole sick-mom guilt trip, and could probably benefit from taking another crack at English Comp before he finishes high school. He may also need a psych eval if his sister doesn’t get her Dad/Brother confusion issues resolved.

      The boyfriend should stop grabbing his “chicken” while someone else is holding it, and also shouldn’t sit on little brother’s bed while touching his thing.

      Sister is just a P/A cunt; in other words, our favoritest kind of person.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:53 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   aaa

    I’m fairly sure I find all players involved to be annoying prats, so Team aaa. Because I’m just that awesome. c:

    Mar 25, 2009 at 9:16 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Goldie

    So lemme get this straight, Victoria’s little brother was caught choking the chicken that belonged to Victoria’s BF… Gasp, how disturbing.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 9:26 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Clumber

      no, no… after making a flowchart I think I can follow the pronouns now, and it would seem that little_brother saw boyfriend’s chicken and was planning to choke it later, but boyfriend ruined little_brother’s plan by choking his own chicken himself. And once the chicken has already been chocked, well it needs a rest.

      Right?

      Mar 30, 2009 at 1:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Goldie

    HOUSE RULE #22: If you’re old enough to move in with your girlfriend, to the point where her mother’s fridge is stocked with your groceries, then you’re old enough to rent your own damn apartment! Yes, that means you, Mr. chicken-buying boyfriend.

    Team lil brother, because I liked his handwriting/grammar and also because I don’t want my own kids’ SOs ever moving in with me.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 9:31 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   park rose bang

    wrong thread. sorry.

    Mar 25, 2009 at 9:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Mishee™ bang

      Rose, I believe posting on the wrong thread goes against PAN House Rule #5

      *writes demerit out and sends out for a Unitard*

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   C

    Why doesn’t anyone in this family TALK to each other?

    Mar 25, 2009 at 10:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Mishee™ bang

      Said by an obviously only child.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:36 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   Quite Contrary

      If anybody *talked* to each other, we would not have passiveaggressivenotes.com.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   Clumber

      C – well, my best guess is b/c they can’t stand each other.

      ~shrug~

      Mar 30, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Larry

    Is the food thrown out by 11 P.M. to make absolutely sure that the Mogwai don’t eat it after midnight?

    Mar 25, 2009 at 11:05 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   mamason bang

    I’m not sure I want to know why the bf brought a frozen chicken and his sick mother to the gf’s house to annoy and imprison her. :-?

    Mar 26, 2009 at 12:31 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   mamason bang

    We learned in kindergarten that you should never let anyone touch your thing.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 12:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Mishee™ bang

      Damn! I must’ve been absent that day.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   mamason bang

    “Out of the living room/house by 11pm”

    So, is this an either/or situation? I mean, can I just hang out in the bathroom if it’s after 11? Or maybe I could stand in the hallway… just outside of your bedroom door… eating my frozen chicken…

    Mar 26, 2009 at 12:37 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   sarcasticsister

    Younger bros are so annoying. Always like oooh i am so telling mom.
    Once I decide to go to take a ride on moped (Two stroke engine two wheeler) down the bridge. I was not not allowed to go over the bridge for safety reasons. I ws 15 and my bro 8. I stupidly took my brother wid me. I ran the light and got caught by traffic attendent. He asked me to call my dad but did not want to do that for obvious reasons. Cop took us to the nearby booth and my brother started crying. Here I am trying to figure out how to solve ds w/o involving my dad and he would not stop. I am like if you whine cop is gonna put you in jail. One of the cop heard this and started laughing and let us go. so funny. yeah and when cop started laughing my brother thought he ws monster and started wailing even more. We reached home first thing he did, told my dad. Result? My moped privileges are gone since then.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 1:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   mamason bang

      It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom…

      Mar 26, 2009 at 1:36 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Tobi

      If I was your younger brother, I’d dislike you too. Who tells a little kid that they’re going to jail for crying? Someone should put you in jail for blaming your problems on small children :|

      Mar 26, 2009 at 3:35 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   secondsout bang

      The words “moped privileges” are just very strange together.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 3:43 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.4   T bang

      Like broccoli abattoir.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:50 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.5   Mishee™ bang

      I always found “Penne al la Arrabiata” to be quite funny.

      But it might possibly be cause I imagine it as a main dish in the Death Star Canteen.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.6   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      Sounds like you were recklessly endangering the life of your 8 year old brother by running that red light. When you got caught, you didn’t suck it up and tried to conceal your illegal activities. It’s natural for kids to alert parents to things like that… If you wanted him to keep quiet about it, maybe you should have considered bribing him.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.7   Mishee™ bang

      The moped thing is nothing. Once when I was 15 I took my mama’s car out for a joyride (joyride in the sense that I drove it up and down El Camino for about 20 minutes and then went and put some gas in on my way home)… my luck being that when I pulled out of the gas station near my high school and came up to a red light I stopped next to my brother and his best friend in the next lane.

      When I got home my brother said either I could go wake up mom and tell her what I did or he would.

      Nothing quite wakes a mother up out of a dead sleep like the phrase “Mom, I just stole your car.”

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:42 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.8   sarcasticsister

      In my defense, I tried to bribe him first but it did nt work. I dont blame him for telling actually, but I wanted the story to be told in my words so I dont come out as total criminal just misdemeanor. My problem is he told bare truth. I loved my moped to the death, he knew that.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.9   Bunnee

      Wow! Where’s all the love in these families? I, too, stole my Mom’s car when I was 15 and went to a convenience store. When I went in, there was my sister in law, and I was totally busted. She didn’t tell my Mom OR my brother.

      Also, it helps if you can come up with some info on them that they don’t want known. :twisted:

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.10   anglophile bang

      Mishee, I have it on good authority that the most effective words to bring a sleeping mother to complete consciousness is, “It’s ok, Mom. We put the fire out.”

      Mar 26, 2009 at 2:12 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.11   TheMiki

      “But it might possibly be cause I imagine it as a main dish in the Death Star Canteen”

      This tray is wet, this tray is wet, wet, wet, wet! Did you dry these in a rainforest?

      Mar 26, 2009 at 3:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.12   Mishee™ bang

      Miki, I enjoy it with the peas myself.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.13   Canthz_B bang

      That’s nothing Tobi.
      I wrapped an extension cord around the leg of a wooden chair, made my little cousin sit in it, and told him it was the electric chair and if he didn’t tell me the truth he’d fry!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.14   TheOldSchool

      SecondsOut (30.3)

      Same with “organ grinder.”

      Mar 27, 2009 at 9:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.15   GK

      I am in favour of damn teenagers being banned from using mopeds as it happens. Also, I like how you apparently were completely serious when saying that your problem was him “telling the truth”. Overall, I’d give this sob-story an 8 out of 10. Needs more dramatic whining about how your social life is ruined by lack of moped, though. Please bear things like that in mind next time.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 6:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Ashley

    Someone tell this kid to stop wasting all the painters tape! That shit is expensive!

    Mar 26, 2009 at 1:04 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   TheOldSchool

      If the painters left their tape in the kitchen — at 11 p.m., it became the property of Baby Dad.

      Mar 27, 2009 at 9:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   mamason bang

    bf to gf: “I know it’s 10:58 but if we start now, I’ll be finished before curfew. I promise.”

    Mar 26, 2009 at 1:41 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   SARAH

    i bet i know her brother… i live in FC… most guys are like that here… maybe that is why no one wants to date them…

    Mar 26, 2009 at 1:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   shmunk

    i dont like either of them.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 1:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Hod

    None of this is funny. This is an actual abusive family.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 2:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Moem

      And won’t somebody please think of the chicken?

      Mar 26, 2009 at 3:15 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   Tobi

      You must have grown up in the picture-perfect family if you think that this is “abuse”.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 3:32 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.3   Hod

      I think the fact that I wanted to punch the sister when she wrote that her brother needed a “psych eval,” and when she goaded him by saying, “What are you going to do, hit me?” shows that my family was not “picture-perfect.”

      Maybe fucks like Tobi don’t consider psychological abuse to be “real” abuse, but I can assure you that what happens next is.

      I expect this post won’t be that popular here, and I apologize for not taking this one lightly, but this isn’t an empty candy machine or hay bales we’re looking at here. It’s sometimes discouraging that no distinction is seen, that nothing is out of bounds for our amusement.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.4   Mishee™ bang

      I have three older brothers and an older sister.

      BELIEVE me… this is NOT abuse.

      No, Sir! Not by far!

      In fact, IMO, for being the older sibling, Victoria is quite tame and isn’t very good at her job.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:28 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.5   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      But dude… They are all adults or nearly so. The youngest one is seventeen… In my state, at that age, they put you in adult jail when you get arrested and you get strip searched and put in the general jail population. Alexander the Great had conquered like the whole known world by that age.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.6   Kimmy

      talking from experience?

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.7   Mishee™ bang

      You must live in Texas.

      They also electrocute retarded people.

      And Bush is from there.

      You do the math.

      I think we should just give it back to Mexico and claim no harm, no foul.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:44 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.8   TheOldSchool

      Mishee,

      Can’t do the math. Calculator stolen.

      Hod,

      Will you please make a chart of what should be classified in or out of bounds on this site, put it on your refrigerator, take a picture, and then post it here?

      It would be helpful.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:06 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.9   Mishee™ bang

      TOS – If you can’t do the math in your head and you actually require the damn calculator, then hey, I guess if you don’t finish high school then you don’t know such things…

      But I’m getting ahead of myself, as you have to get out of middle school first, right?

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.10   Bunnee

      Hey now, Mishee, I live in Texas (I’m not FROM Texas, but I do live here) and most of us aren’t that bad. Don’t get me wrong, Texas is filled with assholes, but you can spot them a mile away and avoid them like the plague. At least it’s not Oklahoma (sorry, Frankie!)

      I also grew up with 3 older brothers and I agree, this is FAR from abuse. I really don’t think PA note writing is in the psych books under “Psychological Abuse”, Hod.

      Good Day.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:54 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.11   RP

      I’m sorry but I don’t see how the notes even come close to indicating abuse. Lots of people call other people crazy or say “What are you going to do, hit me?” but that doesn’t mean that any psychological abuse is going on.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.12   anglophile bang

      “Moooommmm! Vicky said I need a psych eval!”

      “Vicky, stop abusing your brother, or I’ll get out the wooden spoon again.”

      Mar 26, 2009 at 2:09 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.13   Hod

      Okay, I’m not going to try to defend what I wrote much longer; it’s clear that not many people agree with me. And I’m not a psychologist. I am, however, a mandated reporter (I’m a middle school teacher) and this DOES fit the definition of emotional abuse (I mislabeled it psychological abuse). Bullying, physical intimidation… forgive me for being in a profession which takes this seriously. I think it’s a cop out to say that this is not abuse simply because there are worse forms of abuse. If these were children, I would check to see if they were okay. Since they are adults behaving like this, I am even more worried.

      Sorry for spoiling everyone’s fun. By the way, feline AIDS is the number one killer of domestic cats.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 3:31 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.14   Wade bang

      Hod, Hod, Hod

      You are going to have to work a lot harder than that if you think you are going to spoil the fun on this site.

      Oh. And your statement that you want to “punch the sister”, based solely on a note on a website by someone you have never met , leads me to think that you might benefit from a psychological evaluation yourself. I’m sure that your middle school principal would find your expression of rage… disturbing.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 3:48 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.15   mamason bang

      I never engage trolls. Ever. But hod, you are such an idiot that I’ve made an exception. Your statements illustrate perfectly why our public schools consistantly pump out unmotivated barely literate self entitled slackers for whom mediocrity is the standard. Perhaps you could concentrate your efforts on making sure “Johnny” knows how to read, reason and engage in rhetoric rather than trying to evaluate domestic situations for which clearly you have no ability or even the slightest trace of common sense. If you seriously consider these notes to be evidence of abuse and not simple juvinile sibling banter, then you are dumber than a bag of rocks and of less value. If I emptied the bag of rocks I’d at least be left with a bag to use and rocks to throw at your head. Seriously, you suck. I hate you. If we ever met, there would be no suspicion of abuse. Fuck off.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:21 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.16   Mishee™ bang

      mamason, why oh why do I keep getting the message: Error: Already Voted?

      Does that mean I can’t plus your comment more than once?

      Dammit!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:25 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.17   mamason bang

      Just keep hitting that button, Mishee. Yes… YES! hehe

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.18   KatieMB bang

      What mamason said. *^5′s mamason*

      I don’t know if I hate you Hod, but I hate your POV.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.19   Mishee™ bang

      I’ll have what she’s having…

      *gestures to mamason*

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.20   Beanster bang

      I’m a teacher too, and have JUST finished a refresher course on abuse and neglect. It is no joke, and any suspicion is important to follow up.

      However…

      I’m also one of five kids.

      HOD… one teaching professional to another, you’re that teacher that loves paper work and doesn’t know any real people.

      If this is emotional abuse my entire childhood should be prosecuted. If it were a parent it would be a different story, but I’m guessing that there is maybe a two year age difference between these kids and, drawing from my experience with twin brothers 18 months younger than me (the three of us are very close and loving, always have been), this kid should be glad his sister is responding at all.

      Fun story. I once broke a pool cue over my brother’s back when I was baby sitting. However, since I was 14, I got grounded and not put in jail.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 5:05 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.21   mamason bang

      Beanster, you’ve made me feel hopeful. Thank you.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 5:11 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.22   Beanster bang

      there’s nothing i’d rather do.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 5:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.23   Mishee™ bang

      I am the youngest of 5.

      We are all three years apart from March 16 to August 18. With the exception of my sister, she is somewhere in the middle there…

      I am not sure exactly the circumstances since I was a toddler when it happened, I just know that my whole life we were never allowed to have a croquet set.

      My father and mother still shudder when they see one of the mallets…

      Hod – you are just a freak of nature if you think that was “abuse”.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 5:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.24   Bunnee

      When they were younger, my 3 older brothers did things like:

      The oldest one talked the middle one into sticking his finger into a water wheel-pump (don’t ask me) and it cut his finger off.

      The middle one hit the youngest one in the face with a picnic bench and knocked out his two front teeth.

      They all 3 played “Mr. Freeze” in our basement with powder insecticide.

      They all 3 once set a field on fire.

      And they all grew up to be normal, productive, upright citizens. (for the most part)

      So you see, what one person (Hod) considers abuse, the rest of the world considers part of growing up with siblings.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 5:50 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.25   Mishee™ bang

      … and don’t forget to spay or neuter your pets.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 6:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.26   mamason bang

      …or your parents.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 6:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.27   Hod

      I suppose the hypocrisy on this site is only amusing until it’s leveled at you. I had it coming, and I knew I did when I wrote it.

      Thanks for the childhood stories, everyone; I have some, too. Abuse is not always from parents. My comments came from genuine concern.

      Mamason, spell-check before you try to solve the education crisis. Others, watch your commas. KatieMB, thanks for hating the opinion, not the person.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 6:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.28   Wade bang

      :lol:

      You know, Hod, I wasn’t sure if you really were a tool or not.

      Thanks for clearing that up.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 6:22 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.29   Mishee™ bang

      Hod. Of those three brothers, I was abused by one who singled me out when he got into a rage while he was addicted to meth for about 5 years.

      And yes, I was between the ages of 13-18 when he did this, so it’s not like I was someone who “couldn’t defend” themselves.

      My situation finally petered off when I got 7 staples on the crown of my head that was compliments of his fist. I was 18 and he was 24. (But even then it didn’t end completely. I just saw him for the first time in a long time last week, and it was difficult to accept the hug he offered me. The staples happened 10 years ago…)

      I know what abuse is. This isn’t it.

      Why don’t you try to actually know what you are talking about before you open your big fat mouth.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 6:22 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.30   anglophile bang

      Hypocrisy.

      I don’t think that word means what you think it means.

      It’s a rough and tumble world, both growing up with siblings and on PAN, and sacred cows get slaughtered here daily. Sorry you had to see your cow killed, Hod.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 6:28 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.31   Sirius bang

      Well, then Hod would be a learner and not a teacher.

      I teach a little for a military academy. One of the first things I learned is that I don’t know everything, and that I look like an asshole when I assume that I do know everything.

      More of an asshole, I mean.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 6:38 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.32   Sirius bang

      And a double-posting asshole at that.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 6:38 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.33   Mishee™ bang

      WTF? Heisa didn’t catch this duplicate?

      Slacker!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 6:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.34   Mishee™ bang

      I think that chicken is the culprit here glo.

      Leave the poor cows alone!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 6:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.35   Bill

      I think the missing ingredient in reconciling these two opposing views is simply context. Emotional context is tricky; we’ve all been in situations where a family member said something to us in the presence of friends where the friend thought it was perfectly innocuous and we KNEW it was a knife to the kidneys. We had the historical and emotional context to understand the full import of the snipe and our friend didn’t.
      In this case, it seems pretty clear that Hod has an historical and emotional context in which the kind of exchange shown in this post would be heavily loaded, and not playful or innocent. For many others, the opposite applies and they see only banter with a bit of sibling bite.

      It can be hard to separate your internal emotional monologue from the external world – when I applied my own family dynamic to that note, yeah, it was a lot nastier and played into a highly abusive dynamic. But it also made me realize that I *don’t* apply my family dynamic to things like this; I’ve put a lot of work into moving on and clearly it’s been successful. Hod, I think you have a bit farther to go in letting go of your past; start by not letting it color everything you see, like this exchange of notes.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 7:07 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.36   mamason bang

      Typos and misplaced commas aren’t the issue. And I’m sort of sorry that I resorted to name calling but then I remembered that idiot is a technical term used by doctors of psychiatry to describe and categorize *stupid* people and while I’m not a doctor in real life, I did see one once on tv.
      In psychiatry, idiot, imbecile and moron are terms used to determine the placement of people on the IQ scale.

      “Idiot” (n.) refers to a person who is utterly foolish or insensitive or who lacks the capacity to develop beyond the mental level of three or four years.

      “Imbecile” (n.) refers to a silly person or a mentally feeble person who is slightly above the grade of idiot.

      “Moron” (n.) refers to a person of arrested intelligence whose mentality is incapable of developing beyond a child of ten or twelves years.

      I believe I chose well.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 7:09 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.37   Beanster bang

      Bill, you seem like a wise man who I would like to have as an uncle.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 7:15 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.38   mamason bang

      And we’ve already established that your favorite neighborhood chinese food place is the number one killer of domestic cats. Get your facts straight.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 8:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.39   Beanster bang

      But mamason! Bill loves cats and hates MSG. You can tell by his kindly demeanor and soothing voice.

      wait… you mean I’ve constructed Uncle Bill and our whole lifelong camaraderie is a figment of my lonely and oft abused imagination? Curse you older brothers!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 8:51 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.40   mamason bang

      I didn’t mean Bill! I was refering to hod’s post #35.13 so your highly incestuous imaginary relationship with Uncle Bill is safe. hehe

      I was trying to provoke another response from hod because I’m feeling all fiesty and itchin’ for a fight. hmmmm…

      *checks calendar* uh-oh. Where’s the Midol?

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.41   Bill

      Even worse, Uncle Bill is actually Aunt Bill… which might affect your interpretation of our imaginary incestuous camaraderie.
      /innocently bats eyelashes

      p.s. No, I will not cover any psychiatric fees you might incur as a result of this revelation. :p

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.42   Beanster bang

      I know.
      Similarly, I just wanted to talk about Bill some more.

      What was with that, eh? Cat AIDS? Somehow that don’t concern me as much as people AIDS.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:11 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.43   mamason bang

      Now PETA’s not going to be happy about that.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.44   TheOldSchool

      Re: 35.1. (Moem)

      First, I’ll assume you’re either a hipster, named Moe M. (either that, or you’re a suburban mom who has spelling issues).

      In the parlance of either of those communities, the term “chicken” is said to refer to young male prostitutes (AKA: “rent-boys,” “high-school wrestlers,” “GOP pages,” and “up-kilters”).

      Second, I’ll assume you’re being facetious when you ask, “Won’t somebody please think of the chicken?”

      Surely you’ve read enough here to know the Number One concern of 86 percent* of PAN males is “the inflation rate in chicken dates.”

      *Internet census: Dec. 2008.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.45   Beanster bang

      Aunty Billy, I’m over it already. Thank you for your lifetime of wisdom.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.46   Canthz_B bang

      Great, Hod. Just what the world needs. Another teacher too busy trying to be a social-worker to spend quality time teaching.

      I bet you think skinny cows are starving and you call animal control at the drop of a hat too.

      Being a snot-nosed brat is not being emotionally abusive, it’s being a normal sibling.

      stop touching me…i’m not touching you!!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:45 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.47   Beanster bang

      you’re on my siiiiiiiide canthz!!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.48   Mark bang

      (will you stop touching me) If you’ve got one child, and the child’s doing that, you gotta take it away.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.49   TheOldSchool

      Re: 35.36.

      If I’m reading you correctly, Mamason, you’re saying that when someone calls me a “moron” or an “imbecile,” it’s actually a kind of compliment (at least it is when compared to being called an “idiot”).

      Thank you, Mamason. You’ve just made my night!

      Today was a typical day. I got called a moron a couple of dozen times, an imbecile 14 or 15 times, and an idiot only 11 or 12.

      I reckon folks do recognize intellectual firepower when they sees it!

      Bow Down to the big Bow Wow!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:12 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.50   Mishee

      Mark – Any man who can quote The Coz at the drop of a hat is okay by me!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.51   mamason bang

      TOS, I am always happiest when I can help others. It’s what I live for. Just knowing that I played even a small part in your night being “made” has given me that warm, fuzzy feeling deep down in my special place.

      Mar 27, 2009 at 12:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.52   Mark bang

      Mish –

      “But Dad! I’m Jesus Christ!” :lol: :lol: :lol:

      BEST LINE EVAR!!!!!!11!!!1!

      Mar 30, 2009 at 1:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.53   Monkey Speaks bang

      Mz Cosby: I am just sick
      Bill: “And Tired!”

      Worst beating of my life

      Mar 30, 2009 at 1:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   secondsout bang

    “sit” on your bed? Dude, as soon as you go off to school, these two are going to fuck on your bed and if you’re enough of an asshole, they’ll leave the condom under your pillow.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 3:45 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   claw71 bang

      Victoria doesn’t strike me as the kind of girl who concerns herself with things like birth control.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:07 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   se

      Secoundsout, the night after they left the condom, older sister would wonder why her pillows were wet, because I would’ve pissed on them.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:04 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   claw71 bang

    I agree that 17 year-olds shouldn’t be making the rules; especially if they’re still going through puberty. Of course slutty older sisters who can’t seem to find their own apartments so they can shack up with their loser boyfriends don’t hold much sway either.

    Sorry to say this, Vicky, but you come out of this episode looking like a much bigger loser than your brother. Here’s a tip: snap your legs together, get a job and stop mooching off of mommy.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 9:13 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Kimmy

    Where is Dad?

    Mar 26, 2009 at 9:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Mishee™ bang

      Dad went to go get a pack of smokes 15 years ago and never came back.

      Do you blame him?

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:38 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   Kimmy

      He should have stayed and beat those kids.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:43 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   Mishee™ bang

    I love the threat “If this is to be taken down, it gets worse”

    How can it possibly get any worse?

    Mar 26, 2009 at 9:41 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Kimmy

      Mom will be released from her imprisonment.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:45 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   sarcasticsister

      I know how. He would put more elaborate notes wid clip arts, colored fonts ellipses and what not.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.3   Chinchillazilla

      Wid? Really? “With” is just too many letters to type?

      Apr 1, 2009 at 4:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   Scribbles the Monkey bang

    The first rule of the house is — don’t talk about the house!

    Mar 26, 2009 at 10:13 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Mishee™ bang

    Must.Go.To.Foster.City.

    Must.Find.Victoria’s.Brother.And.Beat.The.Shit.Out.Of.Him.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 10:14 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   sarcasticsister

      Wid ya Mishee, all the way.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.2   Mishee™ bang

      Ok. I have held my tongue (with help from Sirius) for long enough… I am going to tell you the same thing that I tell one of my BFFs when she texts me…

      IF YOU KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT, THEN DO SO!

      You sound like one of those rap guy’s girlfriends or something.

      Is it so much harder to actually type that extra ONE letter to make it “With” instead of sounding like a retard (don’t go to Texas!) by typing “Wid”?

      Just curious…

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:00 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.3   djr

      I think I have that day off work. Let’s carpool.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 12:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.4   T bang

      “her ass is so big and round. they only like her because she dresses like a total prostitute.”

      On a related unrelated note. Yesssss Team Mishee™

      Mar 26, 2009 at 1:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.5   Beanster bang

      facebook status of one of Beansters “facebook friends”

      “tiffani is spending some qualiti time wid her hubbi and her babi”

      this girl honestly things that replacing the letter “y” with the letter “i” is not only adorable, but appropriate for communication with the part of the world that is not 22 and blonde.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 5:26 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.6   Mishee™ bang

      beanster: “Delete This Friend”

      And quick!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 5:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.7   Beanster bang

      i keep her because the entertainment provided outweighs the possibility that her dumbness will leech out through cyberspace.

      how can you beat it? it’s like TMZ in real life!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 5:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.8   sarcasticsister

      Yeah it is much work whn u r surfin net during wrk!
      I think you guys r nt looking for serious reply but It would be worthless now to post a debate worthy reply, right?

      Mar 28, 2009 at 12:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.9   Chinchillazilla

      Mishee, you beat me to it by several days. Oh well.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 4:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   Dani

    Jesus! Somebody call Dr. Phil on these people, wouldja?!

    Mar 26, 2009 at 10:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Mishee™ bang

      Methinks this is more of a “Jerry Springer” type family.

      For all we know boyfriend hangs around so much cause he is not only banging Vicki, but also mom… and possibly little brother too. That would explain the hostility.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   Dani

      JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

      We should send Victoria to boot camp, and we’ll have an episode of Maury.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.3   Kimmy

      Maybe the brother is jealous of bf and wants vicki for himself

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.4   Kimmy

      or sister and wants bf and his chicken

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.5   mamason bang

      Little bro must never be given the chicken. He’ll just try to choke it, again.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 8:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   Kimmy

    who didnt finish highschool?

    Mar 26, 2009 at 10:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      I think we’re to assume she’s referring to the seventeen year old brother, meaning that he hasn’t finished high school *yet*.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.2   Kimmy

      Maybe he is considering not finishing, why should he, if mom will support deadbeat sister and bf, why not him too

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   TheOldSchool

    Yet another reason why I never eat frozen chicken.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 10:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   DearJane

    “My mother? You want me to tell you about my mother? Let me tell you about my mother…” (sorry, having a flashback moment)

    Mar 26, 2009 at 11:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   octavius

    If these dunderheads are eating frozen chicken it’s a miracle only mommy is severely sick.

    Presumably they also store it above the cream pastries and cooked meat while it’s thawing out.

    Ever heard of Salmonella guys?

    Mar 26, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   Canthz_B bang

      Any relation to Sal Mineo?

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.2   TheOldSchool

      I knew Salmon Ella.

      When it came to oral reciprocation — trust me — one would be best advised to keep traffic flowing one direction.

      Nice personality, though.

      Mar 27, 2009 at 1:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.3   Canthz_B bang

      I always knew there was something fishy about Ella Fitzgerald… :???:

      Mar 27, 2009 at 3:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.4   TheOldSchool

      Not salmon, though.

      Scat fish.

      Mar 27, 2009 at 10:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #47   RP

    OK, so the chicken turned out to be something V’s boyfriend bought. I don’t see why that has to turn into such a huge freaking deal. Ask him to label his stuff and be done with it.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 1:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #47.1   Scribbles the Monkey

      The risk there is that the food could be eaten or thrown away at 11pm, as declared, or armpit-cradled by the little brother, which is rather implied (“it gets worse”).

      Mar 26, 2009 at 2:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #48   gt

    Best posting for a while (but the livestock one was also a big snork).

    PAN clique: frig, don’t you peeps have each others’ home e-addresses by now? All the in-jokes get super-boring for surfers. Thanks, and have a great day :)

    Mar 26, 2009 at 1:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #48.1   bf

      Agreed!

      And appropriately passive aggressive.
      Good job!

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.2   Wade bang

      Good thing it’s a big ocean. ;)

      Mar 26, 2009 at 4:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.3   Beanster bang

      its just that i so much want to be part of it. i would even start wearing ugg boots if it would mean the cool kids would like me.

      no seriously. like me.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 5:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.4   mamason bang

      First they have to like me. Let’s try and stay focused people.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 6:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.5   gt

      Yeah, Wade, big ocean, even bigger egos.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.6   mamason bang

      ok… everyone who’s been here long enough to have “inside” jokes, cut it out! No referencing old notes and such. gt doesn’t get it.

      And I happen to love me some big eggos. Warm, buttery, syrupy… hmmm? Egos? Not eggos? Oh… :-| Well I still love eggos.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 9:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.7   TheOldSchool

      Mamason,

      Don’t go heating up the waffle iron. You remember what happened last time!

      Sigh……Baconstripapalooza! Happy sausage memories….

      These days, I can’t look at a plate of L’il smokies without thinking of “you know who’s” nipples.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 10:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.8   gt

      You’re my favourite little brother. Now leggo my eggo. Okay, mamason, I’m old enough to remember that commercial. And yes, we get it: you’re all really smart and were probably on the honour roll every year in high school, and imitating Dorothy Parker from when you were 8. But as I said, reading the little ‘we’re so clever’ conversations amongst some commentators, every damn day, can get tedious. And yeah, I know I don’t have to read them if I don’t want to. Just saying: start a lunch club or something.

      Thanks Terry. Have a nice day.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 11:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.9   mamason bang

      What do you think this is, dude? This is our lunch club. And breakfast club and dinner club. And thank you for the compliments. I don’t know about everyone else here but I was raised Amish and have only an 8th grade edumacation. No honor roll, no highschool, no prom… and who is this Dorothy Parker you spoke of? Was she Amish?

      Tos, I’ll just have to remember to wear a bra next time.

      Mar 27, 2009 at 12:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.10   Canthz_B bang

      When I find a site that bothers me like that, I stop visiting it altogether. I realize that I have little chance of changing the culture of the place just because I show up.

      Mar 27, 2009 at 12:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.11   TheOldSchool

      M,

      I think Dorothy Parker was married to Daniel Boone before he had SSA issues and wandered off into the woods with Davy Crockett.

      He may have left KY, but he found a way to keep a little KY in him.

      Faux coonskin bras are sexy. (Otter’s probably better for churnin’, burnin’, slippin’ and slidin’.)

      I love Amish mash. It turns my incongruent thoughts into an unchained medley of hodge-podged pot pourri and antique fair-trade knick-knacks that all fuses magically together like a Bollywood finale of a musical about a monkey’s honeymoon that has built up into an ecstatic simian orgy. (And, what’s more, you wind up caring about all the monkeys — not just the two stars.)

      CB, are you suggesting there are web sites with culture?

      Mar 27, 2009 at 1:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.12   Canthz_B bang

      Perish the thought, TOS…with a culture.
      If I wanted a site with culture, I’d go to the library to do my reading, or the head…certainly not this cesspool! :-P

      Mar 27, 2009 at 3:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.13   Sirius bang

      I love side conversations. Hey CB, were you in the Navy?

      I only ask because you used the word ‘head’ in a way that usually only sailors use it…

      Wait, that came out wrong.

      Mar 27, 2009 at 1:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.14   amy d bang

      Sirius,

      you forgot to make an inside joke that displays how clever you are.

      Unless that’s what you were going for there.

      :oops: Sorry.

      Mar 27, 2009 at 1:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #49   Scribbles the Monkey

    For the record, yes, I’m in Texas (born in a foreign country, though), and yes, I’m speaking from experience on that adult-jail-at-seventeen note. Also for the record, I think Texas is a great place to live, and I’ve lived and traveled all over the place.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 2:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   CasinoInWest

    Me too, I think in the same way about Texas.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 2:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   Mishee™ bang

      I wish people thought the same way as I did when it comes to nesting their comments…

      *sigh*

      Oh, to be in a party of one.

      :(

      Mar 26, 2009 at 2:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.2   anglophile bang

      Spambots are notoriously hard to train.

      Mar 26, 2009 at 2:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.3   TheOldSchool

      I wonder if Victoria has Spam in her freezer….

      Mar 26, 2009 at 7:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #51   Zhopka

    What kind of guy bothers to righteously re-claim a piece of food literally out of his gf’s little sibling’s mouth? What a loser.

    Mar 26, 2009 at 10:19 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #51.1   TheOldSchool

      Forget about it, Zhopka. It’s Foster City.

      Mar 27, 2009 at 10:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #51.2   Chinchillazilla

      He’s my brother AND my father!

      Apr 1, 2009 at 4:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #52   geeklygirly

    Pubescent Adolescents: Coming soon to a Department of Redundancy Department near you!

    Mar 27, 2009 at 2:55 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #52.1   Sirius bang

      Firesign reference FTW!

      Mar 27, 2009 at 1:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #53   WhatTha?

    Lil bro should STFU and enroll in some night classes for that GED. He won’t have time to be annoyed and frustrated.

    Mar 28, 2009 at 4:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   Servo

    “___s are cowardly, ___g across in ___en… but hey, I guess if you don’t finish high school, you don’t know such things.”

    Can someone fill in the blanks?

    By the way, the first thing I thought of after “Good Day” was Dr. Ball from Robot Chicken Star Wars.

    Mar 29, 2009 at 9:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   GK

    The most important question: how delicious was the chicken? Inquiring minds want to know!

    Mar 30, 2009 at 7:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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