Rachel in Victoria, B.C. found this somewhat puzzling bit of anthropomorphism (stairs have feelings? really?) posted in the elevator of her building. “My favourite part is ‘your bum will love it,’” Rachel says. “No better way to guilt trip people into ’saving energy’ than by insinuating that they’re fat!”
related: hey, fatty
100 responses so far ↓
#1
Cap J
Lies. Stairs feel tthey are the oppressed masses getting walked all over by the evil slave lords.
….and my bum likes sitting down.
Mar 28, 2009 at 1:59 am rating: +17
#2
fantasy
I kicked my bum out 4 years ago, I feel so much better now.
Mar 28, 2009 at 2:09 am rating: +24
#3
Hi
Fuck stairs. Fuck ‘em I say.
Mar 28, 2009 at 2:09 am rating: +1
#4
Lamah
I can’t work out the motivation for this note. Is the author sick of waiting for the elevator or something?
Mar 28, 2009 at 2:26 am rating: +9
#5
Brainsmmm...nevermind
My bum doesn’t like it when I am raped in a creepy, dark stairwell.
Mar 28, 2009 at 2:35 am rating: +25
#6
Canthz_B
Stairs have feelings too…they’re tired of your stares. WTF are you looking at?!
Mar 28, 2009 at 2:43 am rating: +5
#7
Angus
I hope the science community has been informed that a source of “limitless and free” energy has been discovered!
Mar 28, 2009 at 2:44 am rating: +30
#8
Canthz_B
Is “bum” short for Biomass Undermined Metabolism?
yes dear, your ass does look big in those pants!
Mar 28, 2009 at 2:53 am rating: +6
#9
park rose
The 12-step programme to higher esteem?
Mar 28, 2009 at 3:16 am rating: +3
#10
Canthz_B
This note brought to you by Stairmaster, proud makers of The Stairclimber™…and by the bitch with no ass in flat 17-G.
Mar 28, 2009 at 3:17 am rating: +3
#11
sarcasticsister
“Your bum will love it” is a big name for a 10 yr old. Won’t u say?
Mar 28, 2009 at 3:22 am rating: +1
#12
Bald Outing
that note deserves an equally passive aggressive response.
Mar 28, 2009 at 4:02 am rating: +3
#13
Grimfool_Reluctant
The message itself is incomprehensible, which leads me to think the PAN goddess judged that the only thing passive-aggressive about this sign is the handwriting. And that is, my friend, some severely passive-aggressive printing.
Mar 28, 2009 at 4:53 am rating: 0
#14
pxmidnight
But I have an allergy to climbing stairs…. it causes pain in the distal lower extremities and shortness of breath… (it MUST be a medical condition – I can’t possibly be responsible for my own obesity!)
Mar 28, 2009 at 9:02 am rating: +3
#15
Wade
You grok. I grok. The stairs under my feet grok in happy beauty.
Mar 28, 2009 at 10:14 am rating: +8
#16
claw71
Bums love it when you take the stairs. They hide in the darkness and wait. Then they shove you from behind and when you’ve finally settled at the bottom in a broken, bloody heap they rummage through your pockets with dirty fingers, stealing every last item of value. After they’ve searched every nook and cranny(some of them totally unnecessary) they kick out your teeth so you look like one of them. Oh yeah, your bum will love it if you take the stairs.
Mar 28, 2009 at 10:16 am rating: +9
#17
ClearlyDemented
Those stairs really ARE passive-aggressive. I mean, they didn’t even write their own note. They lobbied a stair sympathizer to write it for them. If Bush was still in office, the note would be more like this:
Dear Fellow Americans,
If you don’t use the elevator, then you hate your country.
Love,
President Bush
This message paid for by the Oil for Elevators Coalition.
Mar 28, 2009 at 10:25 am rating: +15
#18
secondsout
umm, you shouldn’t anthropomorphize inanimate objects. They hate it when you do that.
Mar 28, 2009 at 11:22 am rating: +22
#19
secondsout
Are you saying my energy is limitless and free? You and my boss suffer from the same misconception.
Mar 28, 2009 at 11:23 am rating: +13
#20
aaa
Is that to say that the feelings of stairs supersede the feelings of elevators? What have elevators done to earn your disdain?
Mar 28, 2009 at 11:28 am rating: +3
#21
Carla Cunningham
I can relate to this article as I know from first hand experience just how hard it is to lose weight, and to maintain it. I wrote a book called Alone in the Storm, which has recently been published, and it is about an overweight woman who subconsciously put on the weight to protect herself from being hurt by love. She struggles with her weight issues, and in the end she manages to overcome them, but not before she learns some important lessons about herself and life.
Carla Cunningham, Published Book Author of Alone in the Storm
The website foI can relate to this article as I know from first hand experience just how hard it is to lose weight, and to maintain it. I wrote a book called Alone in the Storm, which has recently been published, and it is about an overweight woman who subconsciously put on the weight to protect herself from being hurt by love. She struggles with her weight issues, and in the end she manages to overcome them, but not before she learns some important lessons about herself and life.
Carla Cunningham, Published Book Author of Alone in the Storm
The website for my book is – http://www.eloquentbooks.com/AloneInTheStorm.html, or if you’d like more information about my book you can email me at cmccunningham@msn.com
r my book is – http://www.eloquentbooks.com/AloneInTheStorm.html, or if you’d like more information about my book you can email me at cmccunningham@msn.com
Mar 28, 2009 at 11:36 am rating: 0
#22
mamason
My bum really likes it when I leave more than a mouthful in the MD20-20 bottles I throw out every morning. I never ever recycle though because I don’t want the neighbors or the garbage collectors to know how much I drink or that I’m such a cheap drunk.
Mar 28, 2009 at 2:25 pm rating: 0
#23
Beelzebubba
An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order” sign, just “Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.” -Mitch Hedberg …
Mar 28, 2009 at 3:08 pm rating: +6
#24
TheOldSchool
When I was a kid, I had a friend whose older brother had fried his brain completely after eating 50 hits of acid at once. The only thing the poor guy could do was laugh and grunt. He huffed glue. He drank cleaning products.
But he was also more in touch with reality than the spaced-out freak who put up the goofy sign pictured above.
Mar 28, 2009 at 5:36 pm rating: +2
#25
Flaboy2425
B…b..but Mom, we live on the tenth floor.
Mar 28, 2009 at 9:41 pm rating: +2
#26
mr. gaga
those stairs were fucking delicious.
Mar 29, 2009 at 12:31 am rating: +1
#27
English teacher
This is an example of personification, not anthropomorphism. Anthropomorphism involves animals.
Mar 29, 2009 at 10:13 am rating: +1
#28
incurable hippie
I wish my energy was limitless!
Mar 29, 2009 at 6:13 pm rating: +1
#29
Shu
Actually, as a person with lupus, my energy levels are the opposite of “limitless”. Fuck you , random PA poster-person.
Apr 6, 2009 at 2:44 am rating: +1
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