And yet…the pink flowers?

March 29th, 2009 · 81 comments

Writes our anonymous submitter in Hartford, Connecticut: “We’re not much for posting notes in our restroom at work., so the situation must have been pretty dire for someone to go to the trouble to craft this one.”

I appreciate the initial sentiment here — I really do. this website has already condemned the cutesy rhyme that begins with “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” to a watery grave. so, for a brief flash in time, the note-writer had me. But then…the irregular Capitalizations, the excessive exclamation points!! and (seriously?) the pink flowery clip art…I’d say those make for some serious deductions in both the “technical merit” and “artistic impression” categories.

Ladies: None of this "If you sprinkle when you tinkle" crap. If you want to squat Go Ahead - BUT Have the DECENCY To clean up after YOURSELF! Those who sit will Appreciate it! As will the Cleaning staff!

Judges — what say you of the final tally?

related: the rhyme that must be flushed

FILED UNDER: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Hartford · inappropriate word EMPHASIS · irregular capitalization · office · piss · toilet


81 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Woman on the Verge bang

    Random capitals, underlining, exclamation points and clip art. Yup, it’s a PAN. All that’s missing is misspellings…. Perfect passive-aggressive note foiled by spellcheck.

    Mar 29, 2009 at 8:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Quite Contrary

      Actually, penises are missing…in more ways than one.

      Mar 29, 2009 at 8:13 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Deb

      I agree with you Woman on the Verge! Alongside the things you mentioned, this note also has a WTF nature to it. Haha, which reminds me, I think you might all enjoy http://holykiddingme.com. Just found it today.

      Mar 29, 2009 at 8:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Annalee Flower Horne

      Also, the “those who sit will appreciate it” part comes dangerously close to being a rhyme. Which is hilarious, given the context.

      Mar 29, 2009 at 9:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   crackjob

      My God, it’s the missing third line of the Sprinkle/Tinkle rhyme!

      Mar 30, 2009 at 1:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Beanster bang

    without the Flowers the Ladies would not have known it was for them. Regular notes Relying on Text to deliver a message are for Boys

    Mar 29, 2009 at 8:09 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   KatieMB bang

      I Depend on pink flowers to guide me in the confusing world of genders.

      Mar 29, 2009 at 8:34 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Doug™

      Yes, pink flowers make me feel manly!

      Mar 29, 2009 at 9:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Quite Contrary

    Was the “sprinkle when you tinkle crap” an intentional or unintentional pun?

    Mar 29, 2009 at 8:13 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   T bang

      Who the hell tinkles crap? If it is crap then it is not tinkle. Unless it is Schrodinger’s crap maybe.

      Mar 29, 2009 at 8:51 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Doug™

      Haha! Good job, I hadn’t noticed that!

      Mar 29, 2009 at 9:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   secondsout bang

      Drink the water in Mexico, and you’ll see that they can actually be one and the same.

      Mar 29, 2009 at 9:48 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Doug™

      Oooo! I can totally believe it!

      Mar 29, 2009 at 9:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   TheOldSchool

      I happen to classify diarrhea as “osmotic,” “secretory,” or “exudative.”

      What the sign poster refers to as “tinkling crap,” is actually “secretory diarrhea.”

      Secretory diarrhea occurs when one’s body is releasing water into the bowel when it shouldn’t.

      Unfortunately, our bodies then think the poop is pee.

      Men inevitably wind up spraying fecal mist out of their dicks and into the air where it floats around for a few hours before landing on the nearest toothbrush.

      Scientists still don’t know whether or not secretory diarrhea in women is exuded from their nethermost orifice, or if it shoots straight out of their pussies (like ordinary piss), because scientists aren’t allowed in the ladies’ room (and even if they dressed up like women to fake their way in, they’d still face the obstacle of closed stall doors, so they figure: “Well, then…fuck it.”

      Mar 29, 2009 at 9:58 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   ClearlyDemented

      I think it was VERY intentional, as well as the ‘BUT’ a little bit after. This writer could teach a literary class in PAN writing – so many layers.

      Mar 29, 2009 at 10:01 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   TheOldSchool

      CD,

      Don’t forget the: “Ass will the cleaning staff.”

      (The second “s” is done in a super tiny font.)

      I agree with you on your final point, too.

      The writer’s sign had more layers than a Noah Bumbaster screenplay that has been written entirely in felt pen on Charmin Ultra Soft Pillow-top, Stay Puft premium brand bathroom tissue with organic aloe.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:43 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   TheOldSchool

      I was slightly pissed by the flower selection: there’s not a single little puckered pink rosette.

      The sign artist missed a “golden opportunity” to up the poignancy factor.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 10:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   fantasy bang

    Those flowers are sooo 70′s. They just say, feminine hygiene product.

    Mar 29, 2009 at 8:13 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      You know, fan, I think that top flower is actually a full tampon…

      Mar 29, 2009 at 8:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Doug™

      Yummy…

      Mar 29, 2009 at 9:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Bunnee

      They also say, “Stay tuned for a very special episode of “PAN–Notes from the Potty”.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   park rose

    If you squat, don’t miss the pot.

    Mar 29, 2009 at 8:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    If you want to squat go ahead?

    Wouldn’t it be better if they went behind those who sit?

    Mar 29, 2009 at 8:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   KatieMB bang

      This just bums me out….

      Mar 29, 2009 at 8:44 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Annalee Flower Horne

    I don’t really care if people squat or sit. What I can’t understand is what they need the toilet seat down for if they’re not using it.

    Seriously: 1. Lift seat. If paranoid, do so with foot instead of hand. 2. Squat & etc. 3. reverse step one. 4. get dressed. 5. wash hands. 6. ??? 7. PROFIT!

    Mar 29, 2009 at 9:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Doug™

      What happens if I don’t sit or squat? Do I still get to profit?

      Mar 29, 2009 at 9:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   secondsout bang

      Being male is its own privilege. There is a nice flow chart that explains this.

      Mar 29, 2009 at 9:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Doug™

      Yes, I like those flow charts. Life is soooo much simpler!

      Mar 29, 2009 at 10:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Mishee™ bang

      I have a flow chart. I hope one day soon it will be interrupted.

      Then 9 months later… Mini Mishee™.

      Then we all win!

      Mar 30, 2009 at 10:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   TheOldSchool

      Anal Lee Flower Horney:

      Admit it. You’re the sign artist, aren’t you?

      Everybody doesn’t like something. But nobody doesn’t like it, anally.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 10:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Julia

    I’m pretty sure Word used to capitalize the first letter of every non-word-wrapped line break. Not sure if it still does, but that might explain all the crazy capitalization. A lot of people are too stupid to notice and/or attempt to fix it.

    Of course, that doesn’t explain the capitalized “ahead,” “decency,” and “yourself.” So I’m pretty much at a loss as far as explanations go.

    Mar 29, 2009 at 9:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   candy177 bang

      It still does. And it sucks.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 10:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   hibousoir

    I don’t know, I just think this whole note is BEGGING for a rhyme scheme.

    Mar 29, 2009 at 9:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   TheOldSchool

    I wish the sign poster had been more explicit about what it is, specifically, that is being done wrong.

    A collage of photos would not only have been more helpful, it would have held out the possibility of being used as a launching platform for a career as a “lavatory faux pas artist.”

    Mar 29, 2009 at 9:32 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Doug™

    I was just thinking (I know, it’s quite the surprise), but the “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” is in quotes. Was there a previous PAN before this?

    Inquiring minds need to know!

    Mar 29, 2009 at 9:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Canthz_B bang

      Not very inquiring.
      The link is provided above.

      Mar 29, 2009 at 11:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Mishee™ bang

      Doug, you always need to do the extra credit.

      How else do you think you are gonna pass PAN 101??

      Mar 30, 2009 at 10:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Beanster bang

      hint: blue underlined words mean “click me”

      Mar 30, 2009 at 11:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   secondsout bang

    So wordy… How about a sign that says in big letters, “Quit pissin’ on the seats!”?

    Mar 29, 2009 at 9:55 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Jessica

      Actually, her point was that they can piss on the seats all they want, as long as they clean it up.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   ClearlyDemented

    I love the contrast of the flowers and the pop-punk attitude. It reminds me of when my dog softly licks my nose to wake me up and then immediately throws up near my face.

    I also like how ‘yourself’ is underlined and capitalized, as though if it weren’t you might *gasp* clean up after somebody else. I do wish the word ‘crap’ was a much larger font and all caps.

    Mar 29, 2009 at 9:55 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   aaa

    I’m conflicted…They hate the hoverers, but they also have random capitalization and underlining and a clipart of a hibiscus. I don’t know whether to love this person for hating hoverers or hate them for writing such a ridiculously PA note… I’m… so lost… D:

    Mar 29, 2009 at 10:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   mamason bang

      I tried hovering once. It was a dismal failure. I ended up peeing all over the floor at a very busy IHOP. I know everyone in the restroom was aware of what I had done. To compensate I complained bitterly to management about the condition of the ladies room and refused to pay for our meals. I mean if the bathrooms are that disgusting…

      Mar 30, 2009 at 3:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   High On Markers

    I think the capitals are for emphasis.

    Were this piece to be performed orally, the capitalized words would be said in a louder voice and with one of those side to side head moves certain people (people in the movie Bring it On, for example) do to signal aggression.

    Mar 30, 2009 at 12:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   TheOldSchool

      HOM,

      I’m wondering whether the sign writer has been approached by any derriere-garde producers yet? I’m sure half of lower Manhattan will be clamoring to acquire performance rights.

      I can’t even look at the sign without hearing James Earl Jones’s baritone booming out from behind a restroom stall, adding substance and profundity to every guttural syllable.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Canthz_B bang

      Certain people? People in the movie Bring It On?

      Oh, you mean actors!

      For a second I thought you were making a stupid stereotype joke, without having the balls to do it outright.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 1:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   GhostWriter bang

      He got the movie wrong. Those guys who move their heads side-to-side were in , “A Night at the Roxbury.”

      Mar 30, 2009 at 7:45 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   Mishee™ bang

      HOM is on the right track…

      Just think how much better this message would be if performed with “jazz hands”??

      Mar 30, 2009 at 10:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   mamason bang

      Just think how much better this message would be if it were performed by Al Jolson in “black face”, doing jazz hands.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 3:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Grammar Police

    “As will the Cleaning staff!!” is not a viable sentence. Subject, predicate, and verb are either not present or not in acceptable syntax. Destroy note writer without warning. This message will self-destruct in 156 days.
    REDRUM

    Mar 30, 2009 at 12:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Resident Grammarian esq bang

      Who the hell are you?

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   TheOldSchool

      Memo to the Chief of the Cleaning Staff:

      The sentiment behind your poster was nice, but it will have zero influence on the behavior of the psychotic bull-dyke piss ‘n’ shit freaks who’ve infested your ladies’ rooms.

      The thing is, the gals you’re after don’t wear signs on their backs stating, “I shit on toilet seats.”

      No, they look and act just like everyone else when they’re out at the sinks, primping, plucking, and fussing in the mirror.

      It’s only when they get behind closed stall doors, that they let their hair hang down, so to speak.

      There’s only one way to stop them.

      Call the feds. Demand to get a team of crack I.B.S. agents deployed to your building, immediately.

      Before you dismiss the idea as being too far-fetched, consider this: if it hadn’t been for the gritty grunt work performed by the I.B.S., both Al Capone and Larry Craig would still be haunting the stalls of our minds.

      Work with the agent in charge to see that the I.B.S. agents are in-stalled in the key trouble spots within the hell zone.

      Local law enforcement can be used to secure the perimeter. Be sure to have extra cleaning staff on stand-by. When the shit goes down, it could get messy.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Bunnee

      Resident Grammarian, it sounds like they’re your worst nightmare.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    I bet the hypertext led to some really interesting websites when this note was typed.
    I wonder…if someone poked those words with their finger, would a new PA note pop up?

    Mar 30, 2009 at 1:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    Is a staff really the best cleaning implement for use in/on a toilet?
    Must be one of those Hints From Heloise items that I skip in the newspaper.

    Mar 30, 2009 at 2:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Meesh

      That reminds me of this:

      “We’re sorry, your fingers are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad now.”

      Mar 30, 2009 at 9:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   kureshii bang

    If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
    be a a sweetie and wipe the seatie.
    Those who sit will appreciate it!

    Ah, thank you submitter, the rhyme is now complete.

    Mar 30, 2009 at 2:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Canthz_B bang

      Nice rhyme…
      Did you know that if you flush with the seat up fecal mist can land on your toothbrush?
      Or that people who refuse to tip servers shouldn’t go out to restaurants?
      Or that Chinese people don’t eat cats?
      Or that people who are against Gay marriage are intolerant, but those for Gay marriage, but abridge the free speech of those against it, are not?

      Been there, done that. Someone order a unitard. :roll:

      Mar 30, 2009 at 4:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Mishee™ bang

      Ummm, CB.

      I am pretty sure we came to the conclusion that Chinese people do eat cats.

      Silly CB! :D

      Mar 30, 2009 at 10:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Olson

      Mythbusters also disproved the myth of the fecal spray landing on the toothbrush.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   T bang

      Don’t flush condoms or wipe cheese on doors. :roll:

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   claw71 bang

      I didn’t order this dead horse, but I guess I’ll put it away:

      But Olson, Mythbusters didn’t disprove the myth of me sneaking into yourbathroom and brushing the dingleberries out of my ass crack with your toothbrush. They didn’t disprove the myth of me swabbing my rectum with my roommate’s toothbrush either.

      And they never will.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   GhostWriter bang

    I don’t like the Tinkle crap either,
    I prefer Mix-A-Lot:

    Oh, ladies (yeah?), ladies (yeah?)
    If your gonna flood on the seaties (woh, yeah!)
    Then turn around,
    and wipe it up!
    Even janitors gotta be proud,
    Baby done squat!

    Mar 30, 2009 at 7:57 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   lady j

    see, whenever somebody pees on the seat at my work, I just get the urge to put up a note that says “stop pissing on the seat.” But I’m not exactly known for my tact or diplomacy. :P And really, when I think about it, by the time somebody notices there’s pee on the seat, the offender is long gone. I think I just love bathroom graffiti too much.

    Mar 30, 2009 at 9:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Bunnee

      There is always one stall in my restroom at work where there is not only pee dribbled on the seat, but on the floor as well. I’m not quite sure how that happens–anyone? (It’s a women’s restroom with a key lock on the door to keep out the riffraff, FYI)

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   High On Markers

    Canthz – since you may have just impugned my balls in some sneaky manner, I’ll be more explicit:

    I am talking about makeup-encrusted bad girl teenyboppers who are pretending to be powerful, angry black women.

    To me, this stratum of society would fit the tone and graphics of the note.

    Mar 30, 2009 at 9:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Mishee™ bang

      HOM – I am pretty sure if you click on “reply to this comment” or “add to this thread” at the bottom right hand corner under the gray talk box you are reading now, this comment would be in its rightful place and make a helluva lot more sense!

      Gigglebraxing: Ur doin’ it rong!

      Mar 30, 2009 at 10:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   High On Markers

      quelle horreur

      Mar 30, 2009 at 10:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Andy

    crap.

    Mar 30, 2009 at 10:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   claw71 bang

    I know several people who leave bits of their work behind in hopes of retaining exclusive rights to that particular receptacle later in the day. One guy I know simply doesn’t flush. Since the other stall is usually open and another restroom is just down the hall, leaving his “big job” behind keeps others away.

    A woman I used to work with apparently smeared the toilet seat with fecal residue in order to mark her territory. Another woman in the same office–the one who presented this theory to me–countered by straddling the offended toilet seat and pissing all over it. I admired her skill and her nimbleness.

    Urinating on the seat is also a tactic used by some germ-o-phobes who think that a few drops of pee is going to discourage somebody from simply wiping the seat and plopping down for a number 2. It’s not generally effective unless another germ-o-phobe happens by.

    Personally, I find all of it to be rather annoying and a little gross. Instead of venturing into the bathroom for any projects that require me to be seated, I simply keep a few plastic grocery bags handy and pull the handles snug around my buttocks when the time is right. Coworkers in the neighboring cubes usually don’t care for the resultant aroma and occasionally the sounds can be rather disruptive but I feel that it’s worth their while to keep me a neutral party in the potty wars.

    Mar 30, 2009 at 11:17 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Mishee™ bang

      Good thing you don’t live in San Francisco.

      Plastic grocery bags are outlawed and what would you do then??

      Mar 30, 2009 at 11:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   claw71 bang

      I’m not opposed to reusable hemp bags. I could even wipe with it.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Isuck

      Socks are perfect, poop in it, wipe, throw.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 12:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   GhostWriter bang

    I like to celebrate a great wipe job by popping open an ice-cold Mountain Dew.

    So sue me.

    Mar 30, 2009 at 11:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   fantasy bang

    Gallon size zip lock bags.

    “They seal in freshness and odors!”

    Mar 30, 2009 at 11:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   fantasy bang

      ability to nest my comment did not function properly.

      May I be excused from the unitard on this rare occasion.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 11:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Mishee™ bang

      Since you came forth and admitted it, and it isn’t your fault, plus you have a wonderful gigglebraxing record, we will look past it just this once.

      I love you fan.

      Mar 30, 2009 at 11:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   candy177 bang

    I’m curious…what’s gigglebraxing?

    See, here’s the problem with the bags (both plastic and reusable) – they don’t keep the odor in. That’s why you need a ziploc or something of that effect, like Fantasy said. For the big jobs, use space bags. Not only do they seal, but you could even vacuum out the air…if it’s ummmm…solid enough. ;)

    Mar 30, 2009 at 10:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   GK

      Allow me to demonstrate. This is a correctly gigglebraxed comment. Hope that cleared things up for you! If you still have any confusion please see Casey in Human Resources.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 3:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   okay, now you’re just screwing with me

    [...] related: and yet…the pink flowers? [...]

    Aug 5, 2009 at 11:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   2 notes, 1 cupcake

    [...] that must be flushed and the clip art that must be stopped…with some additional ridiculous floral clip art  thrown in for good [...]

    Sep 2, 2009 at 1:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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