Quelle horreur! “A good week after using my roommate’s microplane to grate parmesan, this note showed up on the fridge whiteboard,” writes Tori in (where else?) San Francisco. “Apparently microplanes are for ZESTING ONLY!”
(unless, of course, it’s a microplane zester/grater.)
related: notes white people leave
247 responses so far ↓
#1
Quite Contrary
Why am I not surprised there are refrigerator poetry magnets? I’m surprised they didn’t use those to create the scolding message.
And I’m whiter than most whites. I know these things.
Mar 30, 2009 at 2:22 pm rating: 17
#2
Melissa
Ceci n’est pas une passive aggressive note.
Mar 30, 2009 at 2:23 pm rating: 5
#3
Angela C.
But what if they wanted to have a ZESTY parmesan?
Mar 30, 2009 at 2:25 pm rating: 17
#4
Mishee™
Funny. I thought that was a ped egg.
Sorry Tori’s roommate.
Mar 30, 2009 at 2:27 pm rating: 45
#5
claw71
I’d never use a microplane for grating cheese. It’s far too messy. Us a Ped Egg instead. The Ped Egg’s revolutionary design features a compartment within the ergonomic handle that captures your shavings, allowing for even distribution of your favorite cheeses. Or dead skin if your wife IS A LAZY COW WHO NEVER RINSES OUT THE PED EGG AFTER SHE USES IT!
damn you mishee
Mar 30, 2009 at 2:28 pm rating: 13
#6
VB
Fine.. now I’ll just have to throw out all these recipes requiring chesse zest.
Mar 30, 2009 at 2:39 pm rating: 12
#7
GhostWriter
What is the song I’m thinking of?
“Microplane zester…
…not a cheese grater…”
…some punk song, right?
Mar 30, 2009 at 2:41 pm rating: 1
#8
amy d
But, as Tori demonstrates, they can grate on roomates.
Mar 30, 2009 at 2:43 pm rating: 16
#9
Joe
Ordinarily, I think I would side with the note-writer. A tool should not be misused if you care about making it last. Even if the owner only noticed a week later, he’s within his right to complain.
That said, even the version on Amazon not explicitly listed as a grater has this in the product description: “For zesting and grating of Citrus Zest, Hard Cheese, Nutmeg, Ginger and Garlic” and “Grates Parmesan cheese light and fluffy”.
Team Both Parties are Douchebags. (I hear that’s pretty common for San Francisco, though.)
Mar 30, 2009 at 2:49 pm rating: 18
#10
aaa
Like Alton Brown says, the only unitasker that should be in the kitchen is the fire extinguisher.
Mar 30, 2009 at 2:53 pm rating: 16
#11
aaa
How would roomie know that Tori used the microplane on cheese? Lemme guess, she didn’t wash it after she was done using it. I’d be pissed too if I found week old parm on my kitchen tools.
Mar 30, 2009 at 2:59 pm rating: 9
#12
ikkin82
You’re not fully bitch until your Zestfully bitch!
Mar 30, 2009 at 3:00 pm rating: 18
#13
ikkin82
I miss those commercials
Mar 30, 2009 at 3:05 pm rating: 1
#14
Meesh
A bigger concern might be who is using the zester on his face in front of the fridge and spattering the whiteboard with blood.
Mar 30, 2009 at 3:40 pm rating: 15
#15
Monkey Speaks
I used both my parents microplanes (er yes, they had two…) to both zest and grate.
I was a horrible daughter.
Mar 30, 2009 at 3:44 pm rating: 4
#16
Tmoney The Shocka'
I thought Microplanes were initially used as wood rasps! I think it can stand up to a little bit of cheese…
Mar 30, 2009 at 3:45 pm rating: 4
#17
mamason
I’m so sick of the “white people and their zesters” stereotype.
Mar 30, 2009 at 3:55 pm rating: 7
#18
KatieMB
Ok, I’m ordering out tonight.
Mar 30, 2009 at 4:09 pm rating: 0
#19
Holiday Djinn
Anybody else think this PAN was put up just so their could be some hot “make-up” sex?
Mar 30, 2009 at 4:43 pm rating: 1
#20
chekur
Those red splotches look suspiciously like blood…
Do you think they zested someone’s forehead, just to get their point across?
Mar 30, 2009 at 4:43 pm rating: 1
#21
TheOldSchool
Mishee,
I love everything you say and do, but please cut Chekur some slack. Not everyone reads everything before posting.
Maybe Chekur did read it and forgot by the time he or she reached item 20. These days, possessing a short attention spans seems to be the rule rather than the exception.
Mar 30, 2009 at 5:37 pm rating: 6
#22
secondsout
They could have gotten a bit more creative with the PAN. If you can write a PAN with the word magnets and make them look they were coming out the penguin’s mouth, that would be genius.
Mar 30, 2009 at 5:42 pm rating: 4
#23
anonymous
This has absolutely nothing to do with race, and associating it as such, even ironicly, is race-baiting. Way to go, idiot.
Mar 30, 2009 at 6:37 pm rating: 1
#24
anglophile
Look, I jumped in on the Microplane™ craze way early–at least 8 years ago. If you want to grate your parmesan with it, knock yourself out; it won’t hurt anything.
But I have to say, it really isn’t the best tool for the job. It grates it too fine, resulting in insubstantial cheese shreds which melt too quickly and disappear into hot dishes and don’t deliver the salty bite of flavor you’re looking for in a Parmesan sprinkle. You might as well use the Kraft junk in the plastic bottle.
I whole-heartedly endorse the Microplane™ for zesting, however. And it’s great for grating onions for dips and dressings.
Mar 30, 2009 at 8:11 pm rating: 4
#25
Ahem..
Tori, you failed to mention one detail.. your roommates are VEGAN. They asked you not to use it BEFORE this note, you asshole.
Mar 30, 2009 at 8:33 pm rating: 6
#26
Racerx
It’s a tart maker
Not a cheese grater
Touch it again and I’ll use it where you pee.
(Sung to Heartbreaker)
I couldn’t find anything to rhyme with zester except Jester or fester……….
Mar 30, 2009 at 8:51 pm rating: 2
#27
Jen
My microplane has a picture of someone grating parmesan on it.
Mar 30, 2009 at 9:04 pm rating: 3
#28
candy177
Shit. I had a comment all typed out and then I registered….anyway….
I use my microplane zester for grating parm all the time. However, I totally agree with anglophile that it’s not the best tool for the job. I second the wispy thin insubstantial cheese shreds that melt too quickly. What other tool do you recommend? (Woohoo! More kitchen tools! :))
I also agree that it would have been so much funnier if it would have been written with the poetry magnets.
PS. I’m new to commenting here, but I love PAN. And for what it’s worth, that parm was fucking delicious.
Mar 30, 2009 at 9:45 pm rating: 1
#29
Buzz
um yes you can use a microplane for Parmesan. Here is the webpage for the model you mentioned, “For Zesting and Grating of Citrus Zest, Hard Cheese, Nutmeg, Ginger and Garlic”
Mar 30, 2009 at 11:22 pm rating: 1
#30
Lillian
At least no one used it to remove calluses from one’s feet.
Mar 30, 2009 at 11:53 pm rating: 0
#31
Canthz_B
Interesting how we have tended to assume that Tori was betrayed by a dirty zester, rather than by grooves on the cheese.
Not that cheese isn’t groovy, but it’s not normally grooved…except by the French!
Mar 31, 2009 at 1:11 am rating: 1
#32
Krista
I don’t understand… You’re upset that your roommate left you a note about you using their equipment that they cleary don’t want you using (a specific way?). Are you like, five years old? Do you want the equipment to be taken away from you instead? Go sit in a corner.
Mar 31, 2009 at 8:42 am rating: 3
#33
Isuck
WHITE PEOPLE ARE SO STUPID! WTF IS A ZESTER? YOU EAT ORANGE PEELS? YOU PUT LEMON PEELS IN YOUR TEA OR SOMETHING? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO EAT THAT?
Mar 31, 2009 at 8:52 am rating: 2
#34
Isuck
HEARING IS DONE WITH SOUND NOT TEXT… AND VERY CLEVER THING YOU DID WITH MY NAME CANTHZCHEZBRGR.
Mar 31, 2009 at 9:40 am rating: 0
#35
Isuck
Sorry everyone, that was just a little sociology experiment.
People who live on the internet, like most of you, make up rules that they follow and expect other to follow. Your little community continuosly makes new rules and invites/kicks those that are worthy/unworthy.
It’s pretty amusing to screw with you guys. You redicule the P/A note writters for having these issues, then instantly write P/A notes when someone USES CAPS. BEAUTIFUL.
Amy D has written a classic P/A note that I’m sure will make the site.
Mishee, I just don’t think your at the level of some of the others. That’s not for a lack of trying though.
Well done Beanster you went right for the stereotype. Also, insulting vocabulary when there is clearly no issue, I’m sure you think non-white people are inferior.
Greek Goddess, you were doing so well. Ignoring trolls is probably the best way to make them go away. I guess you had to join in the fun.
I’m glad you guys participated. I especially enjoyed when you included my comment name, that made me snicker every time.
Mar 31, 2009 at 12:21 pm rating: 3
#36
Beanster
Hi. Nice to meet you. I’m Tanzanian.
I actually didn’t imagine you as being non-white. I did imagine you as being upper-middle class and hating your parents though.
Ah, racialization. Sociology is FUN!
P.S. Why do you think we comment here? Surely it is not because we are, in fact, passive aggressive ourselves (read: I thought that was obvious).
Mar 31, 2009 at 12:28 pm rating: 3
#37
Huh?
Well, you wouldn’t get a PA note if you didn’t use what’s not yours for a purpose it isn’t for. How did roomie find out you used it? You didn’t bother to clean it well enough afterward?
Team Leave MY Shit Alone.
ugh, a passe reference, I am old.
Mar 31, 2009 at 12:39 pm rating: 0
#38
HairySwede
as far as Im concerned, zest is soap and only soap.
Mar 31, 2009 at 1:21 pm rating: 0
#39
asdfoqqq
See the thing about the microplane zester is that you actually CAN’T use it on whatever you want if it’s not yours….If the tori went out and purchased her own, she could use it on whatever her little heart desires – her feet or cheese or her tongue.
Mar 31, 2009 at 2:27 pm rating: 1
#40
Mark
Oops, gigglebraxing error. Disregard.
Mar 31, 2009 at 2:29 pm rating: 1
#41
JoeyGirl
i looked up the microplate zester thing and it looks like a callus remover…eww.
Mar 31, 2009 at 6:55 pm rating: 0
#42
Melissa
I can kind of relate to the note-writer… for a year after we started living together my lovely and darling housemate used a metal sieve to drain pasta because “the spaghetti goes out the holes” of a real strainer. Drove me insane. Pasta starch + very fine metal grid = complete nightmare to wash.
It happened, like, three times a week, too (hey, university students eat a lot of spaghetti).
Apr 3, 2009 at 4:36 pm rating: 0
#43
Helenasia
I am so so guilty. I have on various occasions used the “zester” for a cheese grater… Infact, thats what i thought it was for. Like a cheesegrater for one. I thought some thoughtful person had invented a grater for someone who likes a little bit of cheese, but not a lot.
Oh well.
Apr 3, 2009 at 4:48 pm rating: 0
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