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On jamming

April 1st, 2009 · 207 comments

This note is so goddamn beautiful that if I just saw this floating around on Digg or something, I’d probably assume it was fake. And yet, Marta in Vancouver swears it’s for real.

She explains: “The guy who lives in one of the basement suites in our house left this on our front door after we stomped on the floor when he was blasting “Hotel California” at 11 p.m.” Oh, and just so you get a clear picture in your head, Marta says: “This is a guy who hangs out in the backyard with a katana wearing full-on samurai robes.”

TO the person who stomps on my ceiling

Adds Marta: “Never have any of the people in the basement complained about us ‘running down the stairs.’ In fact, they’ve all told us they can never hear us.  Sorry for walking, guy, we’ll try to levitate from now on.”

related: Oxford drama

FILED UNDER: Canada · crazypants · most popular notes of 2009 · music · neighbors · noise · TL;DR · Vancouver

207 responses so far ↓

  • #1   The Dude bang

    I HATE the fucking Eagles, man!

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:05 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Thomas Jefferson bang

      They stole Marta’s rug man. What can she do?

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:17 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   claw71 bang

      I don’t like you sucking around, bothering our citizens, Lebowski. I don’t like your jerk-off name. I don’t like your jerk-off face. I don’t like your jerk-off behavior, and I don’t like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:20 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Thomas Jefferson bang

      Did you go to college?
      Oh, no I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various administration buildings… smoking a lot of thai stick… breaking into the ROTC… and bowling. To tell you the truth Brandt, I don’t remember most of it.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:35 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Your Mom

      I went to college!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 2:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   The Commish

      You have no frame of reference, Your Mom. You’re like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie …

      Apr 2, 2009 at 3:48 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Mark bang

      Shut the fuck up, Donny!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 4:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   T-Rex Annum bang

      I don’t roll on Shomer fucking SHABBOS!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 4:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   bobby

      Keep your ugly fuckin’ goldbrickin’ ass out of my beach community.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   Anniee451

      Damn human paraquat!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 7:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   Mark bang

      Ow! You fucking fascist!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 7:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   KatieMB bang

      Fucking dipshit with a nine toed woman.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 7:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   Mark bang

      Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 7:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #1.13   KatieMB bang

      You have got to buck up, man. You cannot drag this negative energy in to the tournament!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 8:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #2   vikkitikkitavi

    Sorry, I’m with Pete. If they had gone down and asked him first to turn it down and he didn’t, they yes, stomp away.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:11 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Anne Boleyn

      You want them to go down to some creepy guy’s window at 11 at night? That’s how rape/murder stories begin.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 60  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Audrey H. bang

      rape/burgle/murder stories you mean.
      but I’m with you Anne. who knows what this guy is doing with his slightly eerie music and his literal and euphemistic swords at such a time?

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:33 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   riskatstake bang

      again: my love for the word burgle is unending.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Audrey H. bang

      (i can’t stop using!)

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   bullwinkle

      I’m with knocking on the door first as well.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:20 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   Audrey H. bang

      he doesn’t have a door. just a window. and you have to crouch down to see it.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.7   riskatstake bang

      at least he “jams” and doesn’t “rock out”

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:36 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #2.8   Ti O

      I think that Mojo Nixon’s song “Don Henley Must Die” played at eleven could work too.
      Or he obviously is in need of a percussionist so Marta should take up the drums. Then Marta and Pete could be the next big thing to come out of Canada since Bryan Adams! :roll:

      Apr 1, 2009 at 2:23 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.9   slythwolf

      Disagree, man. Actually going and having an argument with the person is an escalation from stomping on the floor/pounding on the ceiling. After which you call the landlord, and then the cops. There is a protocol to these things.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 5:26 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.10   Anniee451

      Totally agree. As a lifelong duplex tenant, I would FAR prefer a stomp on the floor, or a tap on the ceiling, than I would a DOOR visit. (Unless we were actual friends, which…yeah, no.) And if I get a visit from the landlord, we’re in serious fucked-upness. Unless you’re being unreasonable, a simple floor-stomp gets the message across perfectly clearly, same as my broom hitting the ceiling does. Of course I end up with holes in my ceiling, but then some tenants suck. It’s called shorthand, it works, and I much prefer it to having people at my freaking DOOR. Or, in this case, window. Which seems worse somehow.

      Your protocol seems perfectly reasonable to me, and its one I have abided all my life. Until now as homeowners, where we can do whatever the fuck all we want so long as we don’t violate any ordinances, which ROCKS! LOL

      Apr 9, 2009 at 5:58 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #3   Sarah Palin bang

    Knock on his window

    What… dude doesn’t even have a door???

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:13 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   riskatstake bang

      ninjas don’t need doors. duh…

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   mamason bang

      Come to my window…

      Apr 1, 2009 at 6:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Mishee™ bang

      I’ll come on your window any day mama.

      I hope you have a healthy supply of windex cause I’m a gusher!!

      Apr 1, 2009 at 6:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   mamason bang

      *tries to imagine Mishee cumming on my window* :-? 8-O :twisted:

      Apr 1, 2009 at 11:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   Anniee451

      Dear PAN commenters, I realize I am just a newfag here (or is n00b the preferred nomenclature?) but ladies, ladies, ladies, some of these comments contain just a **little** TMI. I was hoping we could all tone it down a little so we can all have happy fun time together without causing unnecessary offense or requiring the services of anytime stan.

      But if you really insist on these gross missives, I’m totally going to shoot my rocket pubes all over your microplanes. Just fair warning; there is no enmity in this, and I’m not mad.

      Thanks! :)

      Apr 1, 2009 at 11:51 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #3.6   aaa

      Well, since I’m a hermaphrodite, I can provide some TMI from the male perspective. BTW, that sound isn’t me stomping on your ceiling. :D

      Apr 2, 2009 at 12:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.7   mamason bang


      It appears we’ve offended someone’s delicate sensibilities. Oh, wait… never mind. She was talking about some ladies, not us.

      Eat me.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 12:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.8   TheOldSchool bang


      Thank you for not being mad. Every once in awhile, it is nice to get a reality check from someone with a relatively fresh perspective.

      Two days ago, Kerry called me at my residence and asked me if I would give consideration to becoming the new liasion person for on PAN “noobs.”

      I laughed and said, “Nice try, Kerry. I’m not falling for an early April Fools joke.”

      She then went on to tell me in bullet-point detail about how she started the site, watched it blossom, snagged a book deal, etc.

      “Great,” I said.

      “Not as great as I want it to be,” she responded.

      “Well, what exactly is it that you want?” I asked.

      Kerry sighed. “That’s the problem. I can’t put my finger on it. The civs [civilians(?)] are great. I realize that some of the notes aren’t always first rate, but they always make the site worth a read.”

      I agreed.

      “But lately….” she said, pausing to choose her words carefully, “I’ve been noticing more noobs referencing the clique-like language, the insider jokes, and the rancor they feel thrust upon them when they make a simple mistake.”

      “I don’t Kerry,” I said. “I’ve been here since early January, and it seems about the same now as it was then.”

      “Maybe you haven’t been here long enough to gauge the difference, TOS. Believe me, the tone has changed. That’s why I’m calling you.”

      I didn’t know what to say, so I just waited for her to continue.

      After about 20 seconds of poignant silence, she said: “Look, you seem as if you would be capable of understanding where the noobs are coming from, and you’re familiar enough with the others that you would make the perfect liasion whenever the inevitable conflicts bubble up.”

      “Thanks, Kerry. I really appreciate your kind words, but I’m not sure that role would be my cup of tea.”

      “Please, TOS. Don’t give me a final answer right now. Think about it for a couple of days. That’s all I’m asking.”

      “O.K., Kerry,” I said. “I’ll write you when I’ve made my decision.”

      “That’s all I can ask,” she said. Then she added,
      “I hope you understand that I won’t be able to pay you….”

      “Kerry,” I assured her, “I don’t want your money. If I do this, it’ll be because I think I can help.”

      That was it. I’ve been thinking about it for the past two days. To be honest, I was prepared to officially decline the offer tonight.

      But when I logged on, when I read Annie451′s post, the first thought I had was of the sincere tone of Kerry’s voice.


      Maybe I can be of some help.

      Can’t hurt. Could help. Why not at least try?

      Kerry, I accept.


      A few questions: A) What, specifically, do you think crossed the line in regard to women giving out too much information?

      B) Do you think that male posters here are guilty of similar offenses?

      C) Do you think the liaison position is necessary?

      D) How do you think PAN can retain its edge, while still respecting the sensibilities of those who aren’t comfortable having their noses rubbed in other people’s sex lives?

      I hope you take the time to carefully think about these questions before you answer. Kerry and I look forward to hearing from you.

      PS: If any other noobs or regular contributors would like to weigh in on this topic, please feel free to do so.

      Kerry and I are trying to create an environment here where you are all free to speak your minds freely.

      You’re not required to respond, but we will be taking notes about who among you participates.

      Remember this, folks: My door is always open.
      And Kerry’s door is always open for me.

      P.S., Starting immediately, Kerry and I both expect to see some actual thought put into your comments.

      You guys and gals are good, but good doesn’t make the NYT Bestseller’s list, does it. You can be funny AND respectful of others’ feelings.

      (Think: Carrot Top, Jerry Lewis, Erma Bombeck,
      and Harlan Sanders.)

      Apr 2, 2009 at 1:52 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #3.9   TheOldSchool bang

      To those of you who are thinking that Kerry and I are somehow trying to stifle your freedom of expression:

      Honestly, I might be suspicious, too, if I were sitting where you are.

      Let me use an analogy to explain our thinking.

      Because we have the capacity to imagine, we all can picture ourselves, in our minds, as being horses or unicorns, correct?

      And when we form that mental picture, most of us imagine ourselves galloping against the wind — fast and free-spirited.

      I doubt there’s a single one of us who would like to envision him-or-herself as being a tired, speckled mare forced to perform against our will in a third-rate circus, amongst gypsy/hoboes, ex-con body builders, cigar-smoking midgets, fly-by-night trapeze artists, and porn-loving, alcoholic clowns.

      Of course not.

      That would be a sad situation, indeed.

      However, take a moment to contemplate the stallion, running wild and free.

      Romantic? Yes! Realistic? No.

      When was the last time you saw a real-life wild stallion or unicorn?

      Been a while, hasn’t it?

      We all know why. I’m not here to point fingers, but we all have heard stories about the love of stewed horse-meat (even the eyeballs!) among the peoples of France and China.

      (They dislike the taste of unicorn, but poach the beloved breed, nonetheless, because they believe ground unicorn horn is a potent aphrodisiac. The impoverish citizens of those distant lands can’t even afford Levitra, let alone Cialis or Viagra.)

      What Kerry and I are proposing for PAN, in effect, can be likened to what a sensible owner of hundreds of thousands acres of unspoiled land would do if the ranch animals were running riot and fighting amongst themselves. (Those horns are actually poisonous when they’re still attached to the unicorns’ heads — as are the mushrooms, which, after a warm spring rain, seem to instantly sprout upon our fresh, pungent manure, like viewing film footage of a championship-calibre Whack-a-Mole player being shown in reverse.)

      The landowner loves his herd. He knows their brains aren’t quite as complex as his, so he creates for them the illusion of being free (i.e., by purchasing buttloads of land), when, in fact the property is completely, yet invisibly, fenced by an electronic force field.

      The landowner tweaked the ranch by tricking the feeble-minded beasts into believing they were frees, and, in the process, not a single one of them was unceremoniously transported overseas in a flag-draped coffin.

      To the worry-warts: fret not. The changes we’ll be implementing are relatively minor. Just a few tweaks here and there.

      Kerry and I want you to feel free to run like the wind, kick out the jams, say whatever you feel like saying, just so long as it doesn’t have the potential to possibly upset a noob’s sensitivity in any way.

      Run as fast as you want, but be careful of where you’re going, because you might get tazed.


      P.S. To any of our Chinese friends: Can one of you contact me in private? I know this guy who is Uni-Horn-Powder curious. He wanted me to put some feelers out and try to discern whether the shit makes it longer and thicker, or just harder. Hopefully, all three! (For his sake.)

      Apr 2, 2009 at 4:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.10   TheOldSchool bang

      Re: 3.8.

      Kerry just called again. (She says hi to all the civs and noobs.)

      She wanted me to add Jack Webb to the winners’ circle of certifiable role-models.

      (Did anyone besides me not know that Webb was a professional tap dancer during the entire televised run of Dragnet?)

      Apr 2, 2009 at 4:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.11   TheOldSchool bang

      Or that Henry Morgan always wore women’s satin panties whenever he was performing? He claimed the panties made him feel sexy and confident in front of the cameras.

      I may have to test that theory someday (i.e., as soon as the downtown Macy’s opens this morning).

      Apr 2, 2009 at 10:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.12   Mishee™ bang

      How funny – did you know today would’ve been Jack Webb’s 89th birthday?

      Weird that you choose today to mention him.

      But I still didn’t read your long ass, stupid diatribe.

      Yea right, like kerry would ever call you of all people!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 11:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.13   TheOldSchool bang


      But did you read the second one?

      JW’s birthdate is still a little fuzzy to me. Maybe a trip downtown would refresh my memory.

      I was as surprised by the call as you are. In fact, for a minute I thought the caller might be you, Ti O, or Frankie, but she was articulate and capable of breathing through her nostrils….

      Mishee, if I can be serious with you for a minute, when Kerry asked me to start thinking of putting together a board of directors, your name was among the top four that came to mind.

      (Try to stay on Kerry’s good side for the next few days, until I run the board creation paperwork past my attorney. I love her madly, but, let’s face it, Kerry can be …. how shall I say this?….. emotionally volatile at times, but mostly in a good way! Keep it light. Keep it funny. And please don’t let yourself get dragged down to the gutter level. You’re better than that, Mishee.)

      Apr 2, 2009 at 12:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.14   TheOldSchool bang


      Sorry about sending this through MBL instead of PAN, but I wanted to keep you up to date about where we are.

      Kerry was thrilled with my initial board member suggestions. Much more than I was.

      Being an older woman, she seemed to intuitively pick up on my reticence. “What’s wrong, TOS?”

      I told it to her straight: “Kerry,” I said, “you do realize that we don’t have a single black person on this list.”

      She seemed surprised. “TOS, I guess you didn’t realize CB is black.”

      “Canthz B?” I clarified.

      “Yes,” she said emphatically. “He’s black.”

      I was so dumbfounded by this news that all I could say was: “Wow, he sure has a way of keeping that fact hidden under his hat.”

      That’s one of the many great things about Kerry. She’s got that mother hen-like ability to keep track of all her babies. Women are so great.

      Anyway, I’ll keep you apprised of the high-level machinations going on behind the scenes, but strictly on a need to know basis.

      I’ll apologize, once again, for being forced to contact you though MBL. (Could they have possibly dreamt up a more scatologically deviant name for a web site? Perverts.)

      Apr 2, 2009 at 12:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.15   Anniee451

      Sigh…it’s too far over my head now. I was just trying to make a joke, and word it in the style of the PA notes. If it was a total fail, I’m sorry. I don’t care how many times someone talks about cumming on windows (or any other gross thing); it doesn’t bother me. :(

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:10 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #3.16   Mishee™ bang

      Anniee, just ignore TOS.

      We all do.

      As for my comment…well, just cause someone gets all nasty, doesn’t mean you did a COMMENT FAIL.

      Most of us can get pretty nasty in here. I just hope you have a thick skin…

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:13 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.17   Anniee451

      Well, just don’t cum on my window, then lady :D (Thanks, btw. It takes a little while to learn netiquette at a new place!)

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.18   mamason bang


      TOS may be off his meds and drinking again *still* but I think he understood your humor, as did we all, and he was just responding in kind.
      I, unlike Mishee, always read every tantalizing word Tos writes although I’m lucky if I understand half of what he says. I’m not sure where the disconnect occurs, in my understanding or in his ability to communicate but then, I’m off my meds too.

      I hope you will be able to excuse my penchant for giving TMI and leaning toward the vulgar but between my obvious lack of anything substantive to say and my burning passion for Mishee, I can’t seem to help myself.

      *well, Mishee ♥ let’s me help myself*

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #3.19   mamason bang

      aaaaaghhh! it won’t let me edit.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #3.20   TheOldSchool bang


      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #3.21   TheOldSchool bang

      I’m sorry, that should have been: “Hello.”

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.22   mamason bang

      Hiya, TOS. ;-)

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #4   Sirius bang

    I swear on my father’s grave there’s no emnity in this message.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:13 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

  • #5   Sean

    The contrast of the horrible grammar against the questionable use of the (obviously thesaurus derived) term “enmity” is endlessly amusing.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:14 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Audrey H. bang

      i thought assistant instructors at universities were supposed to have a tenth grade grasp of syntax.

      oh wait, what’s that? oh, only instructors of real courses.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:30 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #6   suz

    Team Pete! She was way more passive aggressive by stomping on the ceiling. Let him JAM OUT!

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:15 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #7   Mishee™ bang

    At least he isn’t jammin’ in the name of the Lord…

    But from the tone of the note, I am thinking he is gonna jam until the jam is through…

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:15 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Mishee™ bang


      Not a Bob Marley fan in the house, huh?

      *slinks away, hopefully unnoticed*

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Sirius bang

      Every little thing’s gonna be alright

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Bunnee

      Oh, Mishee, don’t let him fool ya.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Racerx

      Does anyone believe Mishee ever wants to be unnoticed?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 12:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   Racerx

      Could be unnoticed?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 12:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   Racerx

      Should be unnoticed?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 12:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.7   Racerx

      But you told Carol Ann not to go into the light….

      Apr 3, 2009 at 12:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #8   Thomas Jefferson bang

    So marta are you stomping on the floor like petulant three year olds because the bad man downstairs makes noise you don’t like? Suck it up and ask him to lower the volume if you can summon the courage.

    Then again Pete fuckingeagle
    SUCKS! Just stop it already and I am a instructor at the Sharpshooting japanese sword instructors school.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:16 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Thomas Jefferson bang

      I meant it Eagles suck and so does Nickleback. They probably do a cover version of Hotel California to further cement their suckiness.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:23 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   Audrey H. bang

      Nickelback is one of Canada’s shameful moments, and yet our industry clings to them with such vigour.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:28 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   claw71 bang

      I know! Whenever I’m up in the Erie/Buffalo/Rochester area I pick up a great station out of Canada that does a wonderful job of putting together a playlist. Except for the fact that every fourth song is a Nickleback joint.

      To their credit, however, I did hear a really great acoustic set out of them on said station. I was trying to figure out who it was and then it dawned on me. I finally realized why those guys got a record contract.

      Of course we Yanks have no room to talk. If you haven’t heard Katie Perry’s new pop-emo ballad you’re in for a treat when you do.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   Audrey H. bang

      I have the same issue with Katy Perry as I do with Nickelback, actually. If you just heard one song you would be like “hmm, interesting. different. fun.” and then you hear the rest of it and it sounds exactly the same. Most of Nickelback’s albums are just one horrendously long song cut into 13 bits.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   Anniee451

      “Nickelback is one of Canada’s shameful moments, and yet our industry clings to them with such vigour.”

      Well, at least they apologized for Brian Adams. On several occasions.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 5:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.6   agatha christie

      I still can’t get over how Nickleback had the balls to rhyme “sorry” with “story”. I know they have Canadian accents and all, but that’s taking artistic license a smidge too far.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 6:04 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #8.7   Mishee™ bang

      ok girls… (8.5 & 8.6)

      BrYan Adams


      Is it time to go home yet or what??

      Apr 1, 2009 at 6:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.8   agatha christie

      Ugh, but Mishee, everything inside me says that it should be spelled the other way. I mean, it only shows my ignorance about sucky Canadian bands, and I apologize.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 12:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.9   Mishee™ bang

      *decides not to mention that I have both Nickelback AND Bryan Adams on my iPod*

      *also leaves out the track from Jesus Christ Superstar*

      I don’t want people to think I am a dork!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 9:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.10   MAMARILLA2 bang

      (scurries about hiding her Helen Reddy and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat)
      Wasn’t Nickelback cool for about a week once? Bryan Adams, never cool.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 12:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.11   Mishee™ bang

      rilla, what’s even funnier is that one of my JCS tracks I have is a REMAKE of a Helen Reddy song… So I guess that makes me a dork x 2.

      Oh well.

      *embraces her dorkiness*

      Apr 2, 2009 at 1:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.12   MAMARILLA2 bang

      The sheer fact that you KNOW about Helen Reddy makes me feel all warm and fuzzy about you…I embrace your dorkiness too.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 1:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.13   Mishee™ bang

      Do I get a warm and fuzzy hug if I tell you I was also raised listening to Neil Diamond?

      Apr 2, 2009 at 1:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.14   MAMARILLA2 bang

      (fanning her face briskly) Laws but you have set my world a-reelin..If you say that you had a Peter Frampton album or A Moody Blues collection, I will declare us separated sisters..I regret that since I also Had a crush on David Cassidy I must be the Older sister..

      Apr 2, 2009 at 1:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.15   Racerx

      Neil Diamond ROOOOOCKS the gangsta jams!

      Apr 3, 2009 at 12:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #9   claw71 bang

    When I first saw this letter I really wanted to give Peter both barrels…I just hate those guys who play with swords…but after reading this note, I’ve got to call Marta out for being the asshole.

    Stomping on the floor on the first offense? That’s rather P-A, don’t you think? And childish.

    You should have put on a robe and gown downstairs to politely ask him to turn it down. If he opted to be a dick at that point you would have had every right to stomp on the floor or simply let your tub overflow in hopes of shorting out his circuit.

    Boo on you, Marta.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:16 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Sirius bang

      …or simply open your robe and see if he makes a move for his sword.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:31 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   riskatstake bang

      but he’s a freaking samurai!

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   ME

      I actually did that in college. We had a group of guys blairing golden girls on their tv at 1am below our dormroom. I went downstairs and politely asked them to turn it down; however, to my dismay they only turned it up. I could hear them laughing about it too. So I got a big jug of water and poured it in the crack between the wall and the window (this was an old dorm). I’ll never forget those screams .

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:37 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   riskatstake bang

      and here i was hoping there was some form of disrobing in that story…

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:47 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   Sirius bang

      The screams from below were from when the Golden Girls started disrobing.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   Thomas Jefferson bang

      When Blanches 44 longs hit the floor then they passed out.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 3:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.7   telecomladyj

      boobie or hackeysack?

      YOU DECIDE!!

      Apr 1, 2009 at 4:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.8   Clumber

      Oh fuck it, Claw… 1st sentence, 3rd ¶ and now my stupid brain keeps giggling to itself and shrieking “I put on my robe and wizard hat!” and it won’t STOP!

      gdamn recalcitrant brain… next it will start singing “Tell your your friends, tell your dad, tell your mom, even though they’ve been singing our song since we first showed up with the pirate hats on! ….…..” So yeah, fuck you.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 5:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.9   agatha christie

      Did you get your daily dose of cake wrecks this morning, telcom?

      Apr 1, 2009 at 6:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.10   telecomladyj

      sadly, Ag- I had to look up the term cake wreck…
      and now that I have, all I can say is ummm, no. and- OMGWTFBBQ??

      Apr 2, 2009 at 9:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #10   Zhopka

    Despite the many precious moments in this masterpiece, I still don’t think that stomping on the floor in order to communicate anything to the neighbour below is as normal as the submitter seems to assume. In fact, I think it’s pretty lame. (Unless it’s a last resort, preceeded by several failed attempts to express concerns verbally). Hm.

    Then again, maybe I’m just old-fashioned? :\

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #11   Sirius bang

    TO the tattoo-ninja in my basement:

    As my typewritten response would be equally devoid of emotion, I will have to resort to pissing down our shared heat register the next time I hear ‘Hotel California’ wafting upward at 11 pm.

    Believe me, I’m not mad either.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:17 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

  • #12   lightspeed

    Perhaps Peter should focus less on his jamming and more on reevaluating his life.

    Perhaps then he would come to the realization that no 35 year old man should be living in the basement and playing with his sword :) in the backyard.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:19 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Audrey H. bang

      He only plays with his sword when he reduces his jam session to 20 from his regular 50 songs (NB. At 50 songs times 4 minutes Pete either cannot count or does not have a job). He’s gotta find that satisfaction somewhere, especially since his amps aren’t as cool as ACDC’s

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:25 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Thomas Jefferson bang

      Those amps go to eleven.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   Doctor of Compassion bang

      Maybe they do TJ, but only before sunset. I mean clearly he starts at 11 and turns down the volume in correlation with the Sun’s position in the sky. What are these music haters complaining about??!!

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:42 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   Audrey H. bang

      *sticks fingers in ears*

      “Nana Nana I can’t hear you and you suck at drumming and this is spinal tap NanNa”

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.5   riskatstake bang

      lets call it an even 3 minutes a song. that’s 2 and a half hours. clearly our man pete has trouble seeing the sunset from his basement window if he believes that 8:30 PM is “the day time”.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.6   Bunnee

      Dear Pete,
      If I want respect from a 35 year old man, I’ll do it the old fashioned way. I’ll be the other woman in his loveless marriage and he can be my sugar daddy. Something tells me if you’re living in a basement apartment doing samurai moves all day, you do not have the means to be a good sugar daddy. Therefore, I do not want or need your respect.

      Good day, sir.
      The Swedish Clog dancer (and sometimes hooker) from upstairs

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

  • #13   Audrey H. bang

    The correlation between Pete’s volume and the (perceived) altitude of the sun is outstanding.

    Vampires have to be sleeping before sunset, Ninja’s have to be quiet before sunset?

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:22 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #14   marlee

    The last paragraph really made my day. I am thinking of using it in every personal message I write in the future. A nice disclaimer.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:27 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   riskatstake bang

      i think im going to use that as my email signature for the rest of the month. its just too good…

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:38 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #15   Doctor of Compassion bang

    How do you nicely tell someone off? Say “Fuck you and your loud-ass jamming” while smiling?

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #16   Completely Balanced Woman bang

    “Believe me, I’m not mad…. just insane.”

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:31 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Sirius bang

      I’m not mad. The women in my crawl space — they’re mad.

      Yeah, Marta, go tap on his window some night. You can check out any time you like…

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:45 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #17   Melodie

    Why oh WHY has it never occurred to me to swear things on my father’s grave? He’s been dead for nearly five years, and I missed out on this, the silver lining.

    I swear on his grave that I’m going to start taking advantage of this opportunity RIGHT NOW.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:33 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #18   joyce

    peter is marginalized because of his quirkiness. i want to hug him.

    marta is a childish bully. i want to kick her.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   riskatstake bang

      assistant instructors of swordsmanship who double as professional tattoo artists aren’t quirky…they’re ninjas.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:40 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Audrey H. bang

      i wasn’t aware that stomping was bullying or marginalizing. irritating, maybe, but i feel that the jab at his personal life resulted FROM the note, not the other way around.

      team marta and non-verbal communication that carries no emotion. believe her, she’s not mad.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:49 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   not me!

      Sure, Peter’s quirky.

      But you gotta admit the dude’s got great skills. You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking …

      Apr 1, 2009 at 2:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   DearJane

      and there’s nothing that impresses a girl more than a guy with skills….
      Has pete been hitting himself in the head with his katana? That’s the only reason I can imagine for the disjointed-ness of his note. “sometimes, I jam everyday” you can either jam everyday, or sometimes. Space-time continuum does not allow for both.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 4:38 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #19   cre8tivewmn bang

    “Sometimes I jam everyday….”

    Priceless! And that’s just one of the meandering ideas in this letter. I’m worn out just trying to follow the logic.

    It reminds me a of poem I learned as a child that begins:

    ‘Twas a wintry day in summer and the snow was raining fast. A barefoot boy with shoes on stood sitting in the grass…

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:37 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Andy

      What the hell is so hard to follow?

      Sometimes he jams everyday, sometimes he jams every night. Didn’t he explain his jamming set list tendencies being contingent on the length of said set list?

      Peter, you gotta fight for your right to jam sometimes everyday, my man.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 5:50 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #20   Doctor of Compassion bang

    I want to learn how to be stealth!!

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Audrey H. bang

      it comes with ninja training.

      this whole note is just an ad for the class that he assists to instruct.

      “Walking too heavy? People aware of your presence? Don’t worry!! Now there is a coursse at UBC teaching you STEALTH. Sign up now and receive a free pair of Geta with every Katana!”

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   Doctor of Compassion bang

      But I want to skip they beginner’s course that teaches me stealth and jump right into the advanced course that teaches me how to be stealth.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #21   Nicole

    To everyone saying that stomping on the ceiling was jerk like:

    I honestly prefer people stomping, or banging on the wall, or banging on the ceiling with a broom handle, to coming to my door. It’s way less awkward and it makes me feel suitably abashed for being inconsiderate.

    I am not being sarcastic at all here: I’ve lived in apartments where maybe I had the music too loud, or the cats wouldn’t shut up, and a good solid stomp is the best way to get MY attention. And it’s exactly what I would do. I don’t think it’s rude at all.

    (Also if this guy hangs around in samurai robes with a katana in the backyard and plays Eagles at 11 PM I think a face-to-face encounter might be dangerous. I’d be scared of this person until I knew better, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.)

    Go team Marta.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:51 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Audrey H. bang

      i concur.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 12:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   honeyedhemlock

      My noisy neighbors would be subjected to an old pair of boots with wooden heels and a piece of heavy-duty chain in the dryer for 30 minutes. They didn’t speak English and I didn’t speak Tamil. PA is a universal language.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:03 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #21.3   claw71 bang

      All I’m saying is that I’d feel like quite the asshole if my neighbor was so bothered by the noise I was making that they felt inclined to come downstairs and ask me if I could be a dear and turn it down. I’d probably buy them a bottle of wine the next day for their trouble.

      On the other hand, if they felt like stomping on the floor like a couple of weenies was the better course of action, I’d ignore the stomping and ready myself for one of those epic nasty neighbor battles.

      If Marta thinks Hotel California is bad, wait until the bikers from that seedy bar onthe corner start pounding on her door at 3:00am to redeem the Cuckold Special coupon I printed up.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:26 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #21.4   Anniee451

      I lived in a duplex all my life, and a mop handle to the ceiling, or a stamp on the floor when the other party is way out of line was always perfectly acceptable. If the problem persists, then it’s time to have a talk about hours and noise levels.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 6:11 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.5   Chinchillazilla

      I also would really prefer a stomp to someone coming down and face-to-face talking to me. I’d be mortified at just the stomp.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 2:48 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.6   Bunnee

      I’ve left a few indentations in my ceilings in the past when I’ve lived in apartments. I meant them to be the non-verbal form of communication, but damn it if my neighbors didn’t come down and knock on my door after I banged the ceiling a few times. Don’t they know they’re not supposed to do that?

      Apr 2, 2009 at 5:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #22   honeyedhemlock

    Oh dear, I think I’m in love with this man. His brutal assault on the English language really turns me on. The kimono and sword are just an added bonus.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:55 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   DearJane

      the only thing that would make him possibly more attractive is if he still lived with his mother *Swoon*

      Apr 1, 2009 at 4:40 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   Clumber

      … who is slowly… methodically rocking in her driftwood rocking chair… dead and decayed to skeleton…. wearing the very lightest and daintiest of frocks, and her best Sunday Church hat… layers of dust counting down the years since her samurai sword-brandishing good for nothing creepyass son was forced to kill her…

      Apr 1, 2009 at 5:31 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #22.3   Chinchillazilla

      “Well, if the woman down there is Mrs. Bates… who’s that woman buried out ‘n Greenlawn Cemetery?”

      Apr 2, 2009 at 4:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #23   aloria

    Stomping really is a completely ineffective way of getting a noisemaker to STFU. I live in a basement apartment and trust me, it’s pretty difficult to differentiate “turn your shit down” stomps with “I’m pissed at my boyfriend” or ‘HOLY SHIT A COCKROACH” stomps.

    Then again, my upstairs neighbor is a giant fatty.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   riskatstake bang

      sounds like you need katana training from the assistant instructor of japanese swordsmanship. best way to scare off the fatties.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 1:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #24   leftfoot

    Oh hot damn, this is my jam. Keep it partyin till the A.M.”

    Do ninjas jam out to Flo Rida?

    Apr 1, 2009 at 1:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #25   David

    I really enjoyed this letter. The upstairs neighbors (the ones who submitted this, I assume) sound like total douche bags. Stomping? Really? What are they 7? At least this guy wrote a funny note.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 1:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #26   claw71 bang

    To the tune of Hotel California:

    In a basement apartment
    At the base of the stairs
    Faint smell of Adidas
    but an old, musty pair
    Through the floor I could hear it
    a played out song I don’t like
    I stomped heavy on the floor below
    It’s just oo late at night.

    The next day in my doorway,
    I had to say what the hell
    A long note was there posted
    again, man, what the hell?
    So I contacted Kerry:
    post this note right away
    If the PANsters hate me
    this is what they’ll say-ay

    Why didn’t you go downstairs to tell him?
    such a lazy bitch
    makes my eyeballs twitch
    He’s jamming downstairs, just go tell him
    He might compromise
    if you look him in the eyes.

    Your floor is his ceiling
    Stomping isn’t nice
    so he wrote, the next time you stomp at me
    I’ll turn the volume up by twice
    this note’s not filled with hatred, not in the least
    but you should know I own some knives
    if you push me, I could be a beast.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 1:17 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Mishee™ bang

      claw, I love you, but as a former employee of the US Headquarters Office in Portland, OR, I feel obligated to inform you that adidas SHOULD NOT be capitalized.

      That’s just how things are.


      Apr 1, 2009 at 2:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   what now

      all day i dream about samurais

      Apr 2, 2009 at 9:49 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #27   VB

    Dear Pete,

    I’m sorry you thought we were stomping. I heard the music and couldn’t help myself. I guess my tap dance teacher was right.. I need to take up painting instead.


    Apr 1, 2009 at 1:22 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #28   Ali

    Someone banging on their ceiling with a broom always made us want to dive and tumble on the floor even more during our 4pm/6pm Nerf gun battles. If we were doing so at 11pm, I would’ve felt like such an ass.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 1:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Phalange

      Who schedules Nerf gun battles at 4 AND 6pm?

      Apr 2, 2009 at 8:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #29   MW

    If you’re working two jobs, seven days a week, and you’re still living in a poorly insulated basement at 35, maybe you should rethink your life plan.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 1:42 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Anniee451

      Well he can’t get out, he’s got no DOOR.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 6:15 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #29.2   KatieMB bang

      A trip to Home Depot is in order.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 7:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #30   rainyday

    I picture Peter to have graying hair that’s just long enough to put in a ponytail.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 1:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   jadefirefly

      No, no. It’s plenty long enough for a ponytail, but it’s one of those thin, stringy sorts of ponytails. It’s making up for the fact that most of the *front* of the ponytail has long since disappeared.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 2:46 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   mamason bang

      I’m imaging (love ya CB) he looks like Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 3:48 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #30.3   The Dude bang

      Best. Comment. Ever.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 3:53 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #31   Stuff Queer People Need To Know

    “If you want respect from a 35 year old man …” Really? What the fuck does being a 35-year-old man have to do with deserving respect?

    Apr 1, 2009 at 2:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Anniee451

      That was one of the weirdest things in this buffet of weirdness.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 6:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.2   Mishee™ bang

      I’d say its a bit queer

      if you will…

      Apr 1, 2009 at 6:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #32   Tony

    Gotta be honest guys….the man has a point.

    Would it have been so hard to walk down the stairs and knock on his door? Who knows….maybe you woulda made a new friend :)

    Apr 1, 2009 at 2:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Mishee™ bang

      yet he doesn’t ask for a knock on the door…

      instead, a knock on the window

      that should be your first clue that things aren’t as they should be…

      Apr 1, 2009 at 2:16 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #32.2   Clumber

      not to mention that he has already diss’ed them for running up and down the stairs. How are we supposed to get down there and knock to nicely tell you off, dumbass!?

      Team 20 ft long stick, hanging out the window to knock on basement window.. all night long.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 5:36 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #33   cheatedon

    Wait a sec, sword boy is running a tattoo biz out of his basement apt? I think the landlord might be interested in that bit of info.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 2:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #34   se

    Let’s see, somewhere between 1 hr and 3 hours a day of loud music. This guy has no right at all to talk about respect.
    team “see how deep the tub can get”

    Apr 1, 2009 at 2:18 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #35   Julie

    None of the tattoo artists I know introduce themselves as tattoo artists unless they are trying to freak out the squares. Nice try, buddy.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 2:20 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #36   Jessica

    I feel bad for the guy downstairs. I live on the bottom floor of an apartment building, and I’m sure the people above me don’t mean to be noisy, but I wish I could just tell them to stop walking around in their apartment unless they learn how to be graceful. I especially hate it when it sounds like they are having sex in the hallway….

    Apr 1, 2009 at 2:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   Mishee™ bang

      Try living beneath a large woman who wears heels all the time and two rowdy boys.

      And my husband had the nerve to say yesterday that he wants to see how much the 3 br next door is and we could move in there.

      No way in HELL I am moving underneath the SIX KIDS who live above that apt!!

      That is grounds for divorce right there!

      Apr 1, 2009 at 2:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #37   mamason bang

    To The Office of the PTA/AI of JS at UBC


    My name is Luka
    I live on the second floor
    I live upstairs from you
    Yes, I think you’ve seen me before.
    If you hear something late at night,
    some kind of trouble some kind of fight
    Just don’t ask me what it was,
    Just don’t ask me what it was,
    Just don’t ask me what it was.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 2:40 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #38   Mishee™ bang

    Little does Peter know, but Lee next door with the baby has a deaf baby.

    Hence no complaints.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 2:45 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #39   Rodger Man

    hahahahaha, I love the fact that he starts his note off by talking himself up.
    I also love the fact that he mentions respect! these girls never asked for his respect, nor do I think they care much for it! I mean this guy wears spurs for gods sake. Also, I think it is funny that he mentions in this note that the neighbor beside him has a baby. Even if this neighbor has not complained…yet, the simple fact that there is a baby next to him should make him rethink his volume.
    fifty songs??? the guy “jams” for the duration of fifty songs?? I think that deserves a nice bang or two on the floor. Banging on the floor with a broom is not hostile. It is the universal sign for please shut up a bit, used by neighbors for decades.
    …..Hotel California is a bad ass song. I’ll give him that.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 2:51 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #40   there’s no emnity in this message

    [...] painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over ← on jamming [...]

    Apr 1, 2009 at 2:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #41   Nobody Important

    Apr 1, 2009 at 3:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   Sirius bang

      You need the right person to wrap your tsuka if you want your ito to stay tight.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 4:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #42   riskatstake bang

    Dear Pete,

    Can I call you Pete? I feel as though I’ve come to well enough through your touching typewritten note that contained no enmity. It could also be the 9 months you spent in my womb or the 35 years you’ve been living under my roof.

    In the future we will refrain from stomping on the floor and remember that you “working” 7 days a week downstairs and “jamming” is your release. In return all we ask is that you stop referring to your father in his grave.

    Just because you live in the basement and we give you free reign in that domain doesn’t mean that you can pretend your father is dead. It really upsets him.

    With love,

    Your neighbor from upstairs (aka Mom)

    Apr 1, 2009 at 4:20 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Clumber

      Error : Already voted
      Error : Already voted
      Error : Already voted
      Error : Already voted
      Error : Already voted
      Error : Already voted
      Error : Already voted

      Apr 1, 2009 at 5:39 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #43   CS Harmonikah

    It’s a thin line between “work from home all day, 7 days a week” and “have no real f*cking job”

    At 35, maybe you dont need to “jam” every single day for 1-3 hours. I dont think you’re going to “make it big”. Just a hunch.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 4:23 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #44   Kevin

    This will be a good place to share my stomping story.
    Well, I didn’t stomp; better.
    I was on the top floor of two. Some guys lived downstairs, didn’t know much about them.
    I guess it was Friday night and they were partying until dawn. I don’t remember if I’d complained or stomped or just suffered, but around 8AM I’d had enough. I had an 80′s German heavy metal compilation tape, which I hardly even knew about but just bought because it was pretty hardcore. I put it in my stereo, put the speakers face down on the floor (a/k/a their ceiling), and cranked it to 11. So only one side played, for 20-25 minutes. I went out the door, and though there wasn’t much noise, the floor was vibrating when I left. I came back about an hour later, when the stereo had shut off, to find the cops taking one of the guys away. Apparently these drunken early-20-somethings had started fighting. I like to think that I helped drive them over the edge. I never had a problem with them again.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 4:31 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #45   joyous

    His tone — especially at the beginning — is somewhat reminiscent of Dwight Schrute.
    Or maybe that’s just me?

    Apr 1, 2009 at 5:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   mamason bang

      No, your tone seems fine.

      Apr 1, 2009 at 5:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #46   Mishee™ bang

    “My name is Peter”

    That’s how the Mister introduced himself to me on the day we met.

    Of course, his name is David.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 5:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   mamason bang

      Mishee, he didn’t say, “my name is Peter.” He said, “This is my peter,” then he shoved it in your mouth. Duh!

      *she was kind of drunk at the time… big surprise*

      Apr 1, 2009 at 11:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #47   Karen

    Personally, I found the money-shot to be Peter’s oath to assume all future stomps are “off-key drum beats.”

    Looks like he hasn’t learned too much about musicality, even after EONS OF JAMMING OUT!!!!!!!

    Apr 1, 2009 at 6:11 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #48   Anniee451

    Sometimes I wish I could make better jokes. This thread has been *hilarious* beginning to end. That’s like the best commenting I’ve seen in a long time :D

    Apr 1, 2009 at 6:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #49   violet bang

    Off key drum beats??

    Apr 1, 2009 at 7:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #49.1   telecomladyj

      i noticed that too vi- thought it was just me…..

      Apr 2, 2009 at 10:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #49.2   T-Rex Annum bang

      Obviously Karen at #47 figured that out too. ↑

      Apr 2, 2009 at 11:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #50   aaa

    Okay, so they have to come and bitch him out in person, but he can write all the PA notes he wants? Nice.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 9:08 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   Chinchillazilla

      Yeah. I’d just complain to the landlord next time he gets too loud. It’s the next step in this war of passive-aggression.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 5:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #51   aaa

    I bet I-wish-I-were-Japanese sword boy totally sucks at tattooing. And am I the only one who imagines him watching bad obscure Japanime (subbed, of course, never dubbed) just because it’s from Japan and obviously TEH AWESOME! And you know he’s got some bad Japanime shirt on under his samurai gear and has little Japanime/video game character keychains and shit all over his man-purse.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 9:19 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #52   m

    Apr 1, 2009 at 9:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #53   pegolas

    Come on, Pete – everyone knows that the universal sign for STFU is stomping on the floor; especially if you’re in your jammies.

    Apr 1, 2009 at 11:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #54   Brainsmmm...nevermind

    Anybody that has to say, “I’m not an asshole…..” really is one. Just like anybody that prefaces a statement with, “I am not racist or anything…” and then says something incredibly racist.

    He writes a note complaining that the people above him did not come and talk to him like civilized people…..umm pot meet the kettle.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 1:43 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #54.1   Canthz_B bang

      Some of my best friends are White…but they’re not like the rest of them.

      You mean like that?

      That kind of thing pisses me off!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 2:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #54.2   telecomladyj


      CB FTW!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 10:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #55   Tim

    Team basement guy.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 6:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #55.1   aaa

      HOCRAP IT’S BASEMENT GUY! I didn’t know his middle name was Tim!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 8:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #55.2   Mishee™ bang

      I wonder if Basement Guy has a Basement Cat.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 9:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #55.3   clumber

      ’tis other way ’round. Basement Cat has Basement Guy to do BC’s bidding.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 1:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #55.4   aaa

      We do know for a fact that Ceiling Cat comes down from Marta’s apartment to harass sw0rd boy and tell him to not be a complete social retard.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 1:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #56   Fraser

    Hotel California on guitar, and Katana swords in Samurai regalia? Peter sounds like the King of the Fucking World- for serious. Marta, on the other hand, totally sounds like someone who would be named Marta.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 10:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #57   TPS

    Fuck, I hated living in basement suites.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 12:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #58   Jall-apeno

    Pete was just disappointed that his evening was interrupted by distracting noises from upstairs.

    He had wrapped up his standard, 30 song Friday set and completed an extended shower with his new Axe Detailer Shower Tool. A slight delay ensued as he decided between Tsunami, Orion, or Apollo as his fragrance for the evening. Remembering his God-like Smoke on the Water riffs, he selected Apollo. Awesome.

    He pulled his hair back into a pony tail – Gawd he had incredible hair, thin up front mind you but the mane flowing down his back was a lady killer. Tonight he was feeling special…maybe it was the extra attention he gave his boys with the soft side of the detail tool or maybe it was just springtime, but tonight he would wear his special outfit, the one reserved for nights like tonight. Yes, tonight was assless Shinobi shōzoku night.

    So there he was, halfway through his 6th can of malt liquor, Eagles cranked, and Ninja Miss opened to Miss Shigatsu (April). He was close now, so very close… “…you can stab it with your steely knives but you just can’t kill the beast!” Oh here we go….


    What the?!?…his katana drooped. The moment was gone. All his preparations for nothing. With a heavy sigh he capped the lube, sheathed his sword, and pulled out the typewriter. It was message time. Message without enmity.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 4:57 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #59   octavius

    Peter isn’t on any instructor list at UBC that I’ve seen, Marta should invest in good locks and a taser.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:38 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #60   Racerx

    I don’t blame Marta. The blame should obviously fall squarely on her parents shoulders.

    Apr 3, 2009 at 12:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #61   Jeni

    I am Lee, from next. And I object.

    Apr 3, 2009 at 12:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #62   TheOldSchool bang


    Never apologize. Never explain.

    Although though I was called in to liaison more I examined PAN, the more I

    what I was initially viewed will soon prove to be a paradigmatic restructuring

    Apr 3, 2009 at 1:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #62.1   TheOldSchool bang

      did dig matic mishhee.

      let them eat gamewhows.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #62.2   mamason bang

      Caught between the injunction to do no harm and the command not to allow harm through inaction, Tos’ positronic brain seems to have been severely damaged as it oscillates back and forth between the demands for action and inaction. One can only hope for the stabilization of the cognitive dissonance that is clearly disabling this robot.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #62.3   TheOldSchool bang

      My testicles are named yin and yang. (I almost wrote yin and yanni.) (Oopsy daisy.)

      Mr. Armstrong sometimes goes by the name of Lance, and other times by Neil.

      It’s all performance related.

      When he outlasts the others in a stamina-driven ride of epic adventure, he earns the moniker: Lance.

      When he’s the first one on the moon: Neil.

      I missed my rebooting last night.

      I was going to catch up on missing sleep, but in my hotel room there’s a show on about making stuff. There was a big segment on how toothpicks get made, followed by another equally intriguing piece on bathtubs. Right now they’re talking about beer scum in the brewing process.

      I’d never sleep if tv were always like this.

      Even the commercials are good. Your life, apparently, does NOT have to be seemingly endless battle against muscle and joint pain!

      Joint lubrication is key. Natural and gentle. From Iceland. It figures. They’re always thinking up stuff. Wait…there’s a bonus for anyone who calls in the next 15 minutes. Gotta go.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 3:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #63   Sam

    Hahaha. I used to get pissed at the guy who lived above me last year for stomping around and it always sounded like he was dropping things, so I would get a broom and hit the ceiling sometimes. I started doing this after he was so drunk one night that he was banging on my bedroom window and trying to use his keys to open my back door, thinking he was at his place.

    I like that little disclaimer at the end. “Believe me, I’m not mad.” Hahaha. He managed to be even more passive aggressive. Amazing.

    Apr 3, 2009 at 8:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #64   trois

    You know, I’ve got to sympathize with Peter, the letter-writer. Fact: The Eagles suck. Another true Fact: Hotel California is a fucking great song that deserves to be heard only at a high volume.

    I think his letter was pretty reasonable, especially since he has put some thought into jamming at the appropriate time and with regards to his neighbors.

    As someone who also jams and lives on the first floor: I jam to the appropriate level (somewhat LOUD) until 10pm and I also feel somewhat justified in my noise level because the stompings/gigglings up and down the staircase which no one else but me, suffers through.

    My neighbors don’t complain about my noise, but they are welcomed to do so especially in a considerate, reasonable way. No problem.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 4:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #65   Ghostbuck

    I’m tickled that the girl who submitted the letter felt she was somehow wronged because he left a note. Honey, the guy has a point. If you were disturbed the adult thing to do is knock on the door and say “Hi, you music is loud. Would you please turn it down?” Amazingly, that often works well! Of course, you have to be a sane adult to know that and there are so few in this world!

    Jul 14, 2009 at 7:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #65.1   Beanster bang

      i’m tickled that you used the word tickled.

      let’s strip down to out undies and have a tickle fight.

      Jul 14, 2009 at 9:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #66   latj

    I actually agree with him. If you’re bothered by the noise, say so and show you’re well educated, don’t stomp around and be even ruder than him…

    Aug 5, 2009 at 5:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #67   edhurley

    She went about it all wrong. You cannot combat a an electric guitar amp with foot stomping, the amp wins everytime. Try rotten eggs. I have moved many a annoying neighbor with mystery odor.

    Jan 6, 2010 at 9:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #68   Rene

    And this is the reason I love Shocking posts.

    Mar 10, 2010 at 2:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #69   Roberta, how do you do it?

    Mar 10, 2010 at 2:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #70   A Random Grown-up

    Well, aside from all the profanity, you guys are missing the point here. (And what – can’t you guys express yourselves in a sentence that does not contain the “f’ word? Are you 12?)

    I think it takes an idiot to not know his music is too loud after 10 pm ANYWHERE. People have jobs – even if yours is from home, or a different shift, respect that!

    Also, the root problem is INCONSIDERATION.
    I’ve had a house, and lived in apts. When we had our house, there were rude, noisy neighbors on the street as well, so apts aren’t the only place rudeness happens. Right now, we live in a 4-townhouse bldg. When we moved in, the guy next to us welcomed us, and just nicely said that he worked night shifts and slept during the day, and that the walls here are incredibly thin. Nice way of saying not to be too loud. I respect that. We aren’t noisy people anyway, so it is a great match. HOwever, rudeness abounds around the complex. I don’t want to hear your latest CD on your car stereo (or apt stereo) ANY time of the day – that is what HEADPHONES are for. Then it can be as loud as you like it, to the point of personal deafness. The added benefit is that you won’t hear the steps of other people over your head thru the music haze. You don’t want to hear my music either, I am sure.

    I wouldn’t go down and knock on a door that late for anything – I’d call the police if the floor hit didn’t work. After all – I’d assume someone was drunk, stupid or on drugs to not be able to read the clock. Let the armed police deal with them.

    Be considerate – that includes your loud music, your drunk buddies, your bored dog (who you let run even tho there are leash and scooper laws), your children (who are like farts – you can only really tolerate your own. I don’t want to have yours playing on my doorstep!), etc etc. If you want to party with your buddies, find a friend who owns a house or rent a barn. If you have friends over, make sure they don’t park in your neighbor’s spots. If you want to have an argument on your cell phone, GO INSIDE!

    It is sad how little people care about how what they are doing affect their neighbors. Grow up. You are sharing space, like it or not. Living in close quarters might not be a choice, but being a jerk is.

    May 17, 2010 at 10:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #71   Escape poodle |

    [...] On jamming [...]

    Jul 6, 2010 at 10:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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