Keeping peace in the sinks of the Middle East

April 2nd, 2009 · 168 comments

Our anonymous submitter in Tel Aviv spotted this note outside the kitchenette of a client’s office. In case your Hebrew is a little rusty, she also provided an English translation:

In this kitchen, please feel free to] pour drinks, cut up food, warm things through, stir and mix food, chop food up into ridiculously small pieces, taste whatever you like and eat until you are well satisfied and utterly sated. BUT [the Hebrew slang originating from the Arabic equivalent of "for fuck's sake,"] do it quietly!

In this kitchen, please feel free to] pour drinks, cut up food, warm things through, stir and mix food, chop food up into ridiculously small pieces, taste whatever you like and eat until you are well satisfied and utterly sated. BUT [the Hebrew slang originating from the Arabic equivalent of

Adds our submitter: “Presumably, noise is a problem — I was just tickled by how much I was permitted to do, as long as I kept my mouth shut.”

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Middle East, the U.S. Armed forces aren’t quite so “anything goes.” Except, apparently, when it comes to shitting in the shower.

Oh oh oh, you said DO NOT do

related: Why is it that on this night we’re, like, allowed to eat carbs?

FILED UNDER: Hebrew · kitchen · military · noise · office · shit · The Middle East


168 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Mishee™ bang

    For fuck’s sake, they don’t have Comic Sans in Tel Aviv??

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:11 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Ti O

      כמובן שיש לנו את כל הקומיקס. יש לנו

      We have Mel Brooks San serif!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:32 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Mishee™ bang

      So many Jews are in show biz…

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:39 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   unfortunate names

      and in Tel Aviv i hear

      Apr 2, 2009 at 8:02 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Julia

      “So many Jews are in show biz…”

      Tom Cruise isn’t but I heard his agent is!

      Apr 3, 2009 at 11:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   not_an_ola

      Ti O, what else do you have? There is a dangling sentence in your phrase. You said “We have_____”

      Apr 5, 2009 at 6:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   park rose bang

      That’s not all that dangles on Timo. ;)

      Apr 5, 2009 at 7:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   HilRIUs bang

    The shit looks backwards to me…

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:18 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   TheMiki

      Cause you’re supposed to read Hebrew right to left.

      It just occured to me that maybe you know that and were just being sarcastically uninformed. Damn the internet and it’s lack of vocal tones.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 5:20 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   KatieMB bang

      Apparently the shit is on the shower floor…

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Geek Goddess

      It only looks backwards when your head is up your ass. Don’t wash it in the sink.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 7:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   HilRIUs bang

      No, no.. definatly not up my ass.. tried that and nearly drowned while washing up!

      Apr 3, 2009 at 10:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   TheMiki

    Is it cool to chop up my hookers here? I can do it quietly, and they always have duct tape over their mouths…

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:19 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Mishee™ bang

      well, it does ask you to not leave TRASH all over the floor and sink… so as long as you are quiet and neat, I am sure that won’t be a problem…

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:05 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Canthz_B bang

      High-priced call girls are not trash!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 9:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   mamason bang

      I was at a bar once and this guy approached me and asked if I would have sex with him for a million dollars to which I said, “hell yeah.” He then asked me if I would have sex with him for 5 dollars, to which I replied, “Hell no! What kind of girl do you think I am?” He answered, “I think we’ve already established that. I was just haggling over the price.”
      *jew bastard*

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:12 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason,

      What did the two of you finally settle on?

      (If I were you, I say a really high price, otherwise you’ll be inundated with PANsies (m&f) wanting you to offer them a cup of Sleepy Time tea, massage their aching muscles, and tell them stories with happy endings.)

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:01 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   mamason bang

      I actually realized the err of my ways and declined the indecent proposal altogether with a well aimed cock-punch.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   TheOldSchool bang

      I wonder if he’s still there? I could introduce him to my mom or my sisters. (Naturally, I’d expect a sizable cut of their takings.)

      Apr 4, 2009 at 1:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   mamason bang

      and btw… All of my stories come with happy endings. ;-)

      Apr 4, 2009 at 2:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   TheOldSchool bang

      Mama,

      With the exception of the guy who made you the indecent proposition in the bar, I completely believe that they do with you.

      Of course, I’m just basing that on second-hand observation. Mr. Armstrong is the only one who can offer the ultimate rending of judgment concerning the validity of such a claim.

      Apr 4, 2009 at 2:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.9   TheOldSchool bang

      Well, my family sucks.

      Both my sister and my mom are quite eager to meet mamason’s indy-prop dude.

      BUT, regarding the critical matter of my compensation:

      My sister says she won’t pay me a nickel, but she will let me watch from the closet. Yawn…. “Been there, while you done that.”

      My mom clearly takes me for a fuck-wit. She said, “Of course, honey, I’ll write you a check as soon as I’m finished hosing this john.”

      “Oh, certainly, mother.” I say to myself. “And then I’ll just dribble it to the bank.”

      Dad was on to something when he advised me: “Love your mother, but lock up your camels.”

      Apr 4, 2009 at 2:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   nick bang

    I guess they don’t like noisy eaters in Tel Aviv!

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Maybe the UN should carve out an entirely new country somewhere in the middle east that will be a beacon for all the noisy eaters of the world to call their own.

      “Crunchistan.”

      “Chompo Chompo.”

      “The People’s Republic of If You Don’t Like It, Then Get the Fuck Out.”

      Apr 4, 2009 at 2:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Before any of you g/c’ers* open your big yappers,
      I ‘ll say that, yes, such a place DOES already exist:
      New Jersey.

      But, it isn’t a country. It’s a sort of hybrid between a “state” and a “parole restriction.”

      * geographically-obsessed/cock-suckers.

      Apr 4, 2009 at 2:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Monkey Speaks

    Im just proud that I can still read that

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   TheOldSchool bang

      We’re all very proud of you. It’s nice to know you feel the same way.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Monkey Speaks

    They never taught us in hebrew school “Aval” also meant for fucks sake. AWESOME. So using that more

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   MeWho

      “Aval” means ‘but’ …. it was “V’Chayayat rah-vak” which means ‘for fucks sake’

      Apr 2, 2009 at 8:09 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Monkey Speaks

      I thought something was off. I know Aval is but…(i spent a lot of time in israel but my hebrew is beyond rusty since i havent used it in ten years) the way the translation was written it made it seem like they were saying Aval also meant for fucks sake.

      man now im disappointed.
      Well maybe not… I now have V’Chayayat rah-vak”

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   MAMARILLA2 bang

    All your food prep must be done right to left, and quietly.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:23 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Resident Grammarian esq bang

    feel free to break things, rip up the tiles and defacate in the fridge, but ffs do that quietly too.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   HilRIUs bang

    Of course! Where else does good sarcasm come from?

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Mishee™ bang

    Why do they keep referencing pi?

    Will there be pie?

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:25 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   nick bang

    I love pie!!

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   HilRIUs bang

    Pie is the best! Lurve cherry pie!

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Mishee™ bang

    Wait… if I can’t wash my donkey in the sink, then where in the hell do you expect me to wash him??

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:36 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   KatieMB bang

      At the Ass Wash, of course!

      * $7.00 for basic wash
      * $8.00 for power wash
      * $9.00 for wax plus power wash
      * $10.00 for clean up after the wash

      Your ass will be … clean, your satisfation is guaranteed!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   fantasy bang

      how would they like it if I washed my camel toe?

      Apr 2, 2009 at 10:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   aaa

      Camel toes are extra.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 10:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   HilRIUs bang

      Fantasy has a camel? How cool is that?!!

      I tried keeping too many beavers once, you know, at one time and got in so much trouble for that. You know they fight when they run into each other.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 10:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   Sirius bang

      BEAVER FIGHT ! ! !

      Apr 3, 2009 at 11:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   TheOldSchool bang

      Sirius,

      Never shout “Beaver Fight!” at a crowded web-site.

      People could get hurt. Luckily, I only twisted my ankle.

      The First Amendment extends only so far. Our Four Fathers were trappers and woodsmen. They understood, better than most, the perils of beaver fever. Those adorable eyes, the paddle tail, and the tenacity to gnaw away at hard wood until there’s a happy ending.

      HilRIUs,

      Fantasy has a lot of things you don’t know about.
      Talk to your doctor and see if she is right for you.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   HilRIUs bang

      *being no fool, Hil, stares out the window at the ball field. TOS is wise and uses good vocabulary words.. surely his advice must be heeded*

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   TheOldSchool bang

      Hil,

      If you had spent as much time around camels, as I have, you’d be better at picking up on who is and isn’t camel-savvy.

      Camels are much more sarcastic than horses. If you ever get a chance to stand close to a camel while it’s eating, you’ll know what I’m getting at.

      The camel will chew with its eyelids half closed, and then, as if annoyed by your presence, it will roll its eyes and slight shake its head to indicate that it thinks you are quite possibly the most boring being to ever exist in any form anywhere in the universe.

      (Don’t be insulted. They’re that way with everyone ……. I think……. maybe I should have that fact-checked.)

      To me, a chewing camel always brings back mental images of Bette Davis in “All About Eve.”

      Stars were stars, back then. We’re fortunate that camels are still camels, because, now, more than ever, we as a species need them for their insouciant attitude and their natural ability to command our enraptured attention whenever we’re lucky enough to get near them.

      Most importantly, as long as there are camels , there will always be dreams.

      ******

      Regarding Fantasy: I could tell she owned camels
      because of the tightness of her pants. (Never wear loose-fitting pants on a camel. I know you’ve seem lots of film footage of desert nomads riding while wearing their male-moo-moos. But what the film’s narrator conveniently forgets to mention is that the nomads are wearing skin-tight unitards underneath their traditional attire.)

      Apr 3, 2009 at 3:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.9   Woman on the Verge bang

      TOS, never admit that you have spent a lot of time around camels.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 3:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.10   TheOldSchool bang

      WotV,

      I know for a fact that the camels don’t like me mentioning it, but there are things they do that I’m not so keen about, either.

      Yes. I’m talking about spitting. In my face. Repeatedly.

      Secondly, there’s the “fake” stumble they love to do when you’re atop them, but not quite into position (for riding).

      Apr 3, 2009 at 4:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.11   HilRIUs bang

      Tell me Uncle TOS, what do we do about all this spitting in the face from these wild critters? I never had this issue with my beaver collection. Am I missing out? I am perplexed. What causes the stumble?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 4:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.12   TheOldSchool bang

      I believe Shere Hite was among the first to OFFICIALLY document the spitting beaver phenomena in her magnum o’pus, “The S.Hite Report.”

      I’m slightly bitter because I’d been not only observing them, but actually playing a bit-part role in triggering, the “female ejaculation” for years prior to the publication of her book.

      As an honorable gentleman, I was, quite naturally, far too discreet to write about these experiences.

      I just talked about them in bars, loudly and incessantly, to anyone who was within earshot.

      Looking back on those experiences, I’ll have to admit I made a few errors along the way. Talking in a bar about what a screamer/gusher this girl (whom I ‘d boned the night before) happened to be, was one of the biggest.

      She was engaged to one of my closest friend’s at the time. He was a bartender. And I was telling the tale — in his bar — to him and about 20 of our mutual friends.

      Awkward.

      As soon as her name left my lips, I realized my error. I covered it by pointing at him and shouting “gotcha!” Everyone laughed, including him, but his laughter was faked.

      Apparently, he’d been bartending the night before, and tried to phone his fiancee several times during the evening.

      Sadly, they broke off their engagement. He left Seattle to go to college in Las Cruces, New Mexico. She became a bar girl, eventually moving to Nevada.

      The other mistakes were the kind that all of us guys have commonly made: usually it involves a girl we’ve picked up in a bar at closing time, and we’re in bed going at it in a coke-fueled, full-tilt, doggy-style salami-slam-fest, shoot our loads, then roll over to discover that the girl has an erection.

      It’s only truly embarrassing when you make the same mistake twice with the same she-male.

      If it happens three times….well, let’s just say it’s time for a young man to have a heart-to-heart with himself.

      I have lots of gay friends, but none that I would knowingly bone.

      I don’t even drink homogenized milk.

      If it’s not heterogenized, it won’t pass my lips.

      Knowingly, anyway.

      We’re all fallible, and I’m extremely tolerant with myself regarding my own mistakes. I’ve bent over backwards to help myself so many times, I can’t even approximate the number!

      Luckily, for me, I come from a long line of contortionists, on my father’s side.

      Apr 4, 2009 at 2:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   oi!

    DO not wash your ass and do not wash your dishes.
    Both are in same set of instruction. How disgusting it can be?

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Mark bang

      Indeed! You’ll get fecal mist all over your dishes! And maybe even on your toothbrush!

      Apr 3, 2009 at 4:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   HilRIUs bang

    Well, as I see it, what is left for them to do in the sink?

    Cause you know, someone has already covered all the bases!

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Mishee™ bang

      Pee?

      Apr 2, 2009 at 5:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   QuarterRoy00 bang

      What if I combined things? What if I shit, then cut my ass hair, then wash that same ass all in the sink at once. Is that OK?

      Apr 2, 2009 at 5:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   KatieMB bang

      Can I cut someone else’s ass hair?

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   EyeHeartA2

      Only ass hair

      Apr 2, 2009 at 7:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   T-Rex Annum bang

      ass hair comb overs.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   TheOldSchool bang

      HilRIUs,

      They could put a bunch of little green plastic toy soldiers in the sink, chew some gum, and then stick pieces of the chewed gum on the soldiers heads, creating the effect of battle-inflicted head injuries.

      Get a steak knife and cut off some limbs!

      Then get some red finger nail polish, and mix it with phlegm, semen, and a granola-based cereal, and voila! You’ve got all the makings to create a nonrealistic battlefield in military sink.

      What’s more, this one is better than the real thing, because it isn’t burdened with any unnecessary visual distractions — like all of those pesky dead Iraqi civilians.

      In reality: we don’t count them, so what’s the point of having them clutter up the sink?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   HilRIUs bang

      Though this is very true, TOS, I’m thinking if I am taking a shower and suddenly decide to shit where I am standing then perhaps I surely would not go the effort of cutting up my only entertainment for the afternoon… you know, right after nappy time.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 3:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.8   TheOldSchool bang

      Hil, not ALL of them. Keep the one who looks like Alan Alda injury free, so he can make while tending to the wounds.

      (On the dishrack, you might construct a miniature tent, where the other docs and nurses in the MASH unit are making heartwarming wisecracks while playing poker and wondering when Hawkeye is getting back with the beer. If you have a cd of sit-com canned laugh-tracks, it’ll help keep the mood light enough that it won’t offend any Americans who get turned off by wars without light-hearted banter.)

      You could bring a fresh squadron of (toy) soldiers into the shower with you.

      Here they are about be suffer significant casualties as the brutal dictator, Saddam Hussein, unleashes his weapons of mass destruction upon our troops. This time it’s chemical weapons being delivered by an unmanned drone.

      (If you want to get really creative, why know you place a child’s toy pistol inside a bag of of organic porcini mushrooms and then place that bag inside a larger bag of cotton balls. Then the troops could face the ultimate of Saddam’s evils:
      “THE SMOKING GUN IN THE FORM OF A MUSHROOM CLOUD.” For this to work, you’ll need to then microwave the troops into a syrupy goo and then pour them into suitably poignant places. )

      Apr 3, 2009 at 3:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.9   HilRIUs bang

      Oh I get it… the toy soldiers were picked up and the mess left behind during the shower shitting episode. Now we know what they were doing in the shower! They were lined up and the reenactment ensued with the fecal bombing of troops and civilians! Should we tell anyone?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 4:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   oi!

    what does “warm things through” is it some kind of Hebrew slang or something?

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   tinkerbell2

      you know, in a microwave. to make a cold thing, eg leftover takeout, hot again so you can eat it.

      Apr 6, 2009 at 8:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   QuarterRoy00 bang

    I think some of the U.S. Armed Forces need to go to Tel Aviv to wash/shit/cut hair…as long as they do it quietly.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   HilRIUs bang

    Pee!! Hahah.. guessing probably the least of their worries considering someone has figured out how to get their ass up there for a scrubbing.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Mishee™ bang

      Hil – if you click on “reply to this comment” or “add to this thread” at the right hand lower side of the gray comment box, you can nest you comments making them much easier to read and understand.

      Like so.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Beanster bang

      Mishee, your work in educating the masses about nesting comments is laudable.

      *lauds Mishee*

      Apr 2, 2009 at 8:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Anon

      Ya because it was sooo had to understand what you were referring to

      Apr 2, 2009 at 8:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   aaa

      Because not gigglebraxing makes you a tool. :D

      Apr 2, 2009 at 8:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Canthz_B bang

      Anon, are you from Boston? :-P

      Apr 2, 2009 at 9:13 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   HilRIUs bang

    I’m so proud to have our tax dollars going to support such extravagant hygiene practices.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 5:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   KatieMB bang

      Shouldn’t this have been covered in Basic Training??

      It would appear that Hygiene 101 needs to be a remedial class.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 6:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Robs

    U.S. Forces Occupied Building, Pile of Waste…what’s the difference again?

    Apr 2, 2009 at 6:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Canthz_B bang

      US Armed Forces don’t occupy buildings…they liberate them!!

      Apr 2, 2009 at 9:14 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Beanster bang

      * loves canada *

      Apr 2, 2009 at 10:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   Clumber bang

      Error : Already Voted

      Apr 3, 2009 at 4:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   Mishee™ bang

      *blames Canada*

      Apr 3, 2009 at 10:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.5   HilRIUs bang

      Haha CB, I ducked back… no takers on the liberal-ate comment!

      Apr 3, 2009 at 10:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.6   Beanster bang

      MIIIISSSHHH. *cries because mishee hates her*

      if i log out and in again, can i vote again?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 11:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.7   Mark bang

      Nope. But you can vote from different computers. I believe it’s based on your IP address.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 12:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.8   Bunnee

      I think it’s based on your registered name, because my husband and I can each vote from the same computer, just different sign ons, fwiw.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.9   Mishee™ bang

      I think its a mixture of Mark and Bunnee’s explanations.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 12:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.10   HilRIUs bang

      *diplomacy.. hmmm, Hil thinks he is correct about Ms. Mishee…. so much for the whip and leather edu-matrix fantasy*

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   KatieMB bang

    *noisily crosses Tel Aviv off her “Potential Vacation Spots” list*

    Apr 2, 2009 at 6:32 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   T-Rex Annum bang

      So you are saying you are a noisy one? :wink:

      Apr 3, 2009 at 9:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   KatieMB bang

      You already know the answer. *ahem*

      Apr 3, 2009 at 4:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   T-Rex Annum bang

      Oh yes… Yessssssssssh! ♥

      Apr 3, 2009 at 4:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   mamason bang

      Get a room! ;-)

      Apr 4, 2009 at 11:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   leftfoot

    i had a welcome home party for a bunch of grunts and I was informed by the one I’m closest to that it would be best to put “dishes are not fucking ashtrays” and “pick up the fucking seat before you piss, lazy ass” signs. I wish I’d taken pictures of them.

    (the slang was required, I was told.)

    But about the actual letter, I’m impressed that “defecate” was spelled properly. They may shit in the showers, but they know how to use spell check.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 6:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   TheOldSchool bang

      It’s kinda sad, but not too surprising, that the individual who wrote the note felt compelled to define “defecate.”

      Apr 2, 2009 at 10:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   ryanmalloy

      > felt compelled to define “defecate.”

      … and yet felt compelled to use “sh**” instead of “shit”. Strange way of combining straight orders with some kind of political correctness?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:20 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Our forces: “armed and dainty.”

      Ummm. You said the “s” word.

      Mailering it in.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   Mishee™ bang

      The “S Word”??

      So cial ism?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   mamason bang

    “…Do not use it like a pile of waste”

    I have never washed my feet, dishes or my ass in a pile of waste although I’m a little confused about the defecation part. That is a pile of waste.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 6:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Mark bang

      Pile? It could also be a puddle. Refer to the Bristol Stool Chart for more information.

      Apr 2, 2009 at 7:26 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Canthz_B bang

      I’m confused as to just what one would use a pile of waste for and precisely how one would go about it. :???:

      Apr 2, 2009 at 9:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   Mark bang

      *engage nerdy wastewater engineer mode*

      You could anaerobically/anoxically make methane out of it and burn that to make power. This is a fairly complex process, on a larger scale it makes economic sense. Or, alternately, you could aerobically make compost out of it, which is simpler and easier, but energetically less efficient. Then, feed plants with that compost. On a smaller scale, it makes economic sense.

      Hey, you asked…

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:39 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Mark,

      You guys are the unsung heroes of modern life. Seriously. If you’ve ever spent time in crowded places without sanitation, you know.

      Once I was sicker than I’ve ever imagined it was possible to be, for eight straight days, 130 degrees, no fan, let alone a/c.

      Shitting, puking, sweating, hallucinating, simultaneously and nearly continuously.

      Azzemour. Looking over at the bright lights of El Jadida.

      Guy made living selling bleach door2door in wheelbarrow.

      Another — pistachios. Whatever works.

      People I was with: natives — no problems.

      Mark, WE OWE YOU.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.5   Canthz_B bang

      I only asked because I knew you’d be there for me Mark.
      I love you man! :-)

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.6   anglophile bang

      You might find this site educational, CB.

      I think Mark will enjoy the video.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 7:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.7   Mark bang

      Wow, Anglo, that is a fantastic video. It glosses over some important stuff, but for what it is it really gives a great overview of what wastewater treatment is all about.

      Bookmarked.

      Thanks Anglo!

      Apr 3, 2009 at 11:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   mamason bang

    “…taste things and eat until you are well satisfied and utterly sated”

    C’mere, Mishee! :twisted:

    Apr 2, 2009 at 7:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Mishee™ bang

      *reports for duty*

      No, not doody!

      Apr 3, 2009 at 10:06 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   agatha christie

      *Snickers anyway for the use of the word duty.*

      Apr 3, 2009 at 7:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Cap J

      Mamason, just remember that you have to do it quietly or someone may put up another sign!

      Apr 6, 2009 at 7:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Jall-apeno

    So, you can kinda see the trail of logic here…

    PFC Johnson has just come in from the hot Iraqi desert, feels very dehydrated, and releases his bowels in the shower. It’s a fucking mess and he has to get out of there before he pukes. (Point 5)

    Steps out and realizes his feet are covered in shit so he goes to the sink and washes them. Same thing with his ass cause it was a total blow out and no way is he getting it clean with the standard issue toilet paper. (Points 1 & 2)

    Now he needs to dry his feet but he’s been standing on the floor so he uses the paper hand wipes rather than his towel and leaves them on the counter. He uses a couple more to stand on so he can keep his feet clean. (Point 6)

    As for point 3, washing dishes in the sink, PFC Johnson later washed PFC Juarez’s dishes in there because Juarez borrowed his GameBoy and lost it on a patrol. Johnson knew the sink was all shitty and shit so it was his private joke.

    As for the hair trimming, that’s just plain fucked up. No reason to do that…who does that?

    Apr 2, 2009 at 7:53 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   MuyMuyMuy

    Oh dear, in the summer I wash my feet in the sink at work all the time… I didn’t realize that that sort of behaviour belonged in a passive aggressive note that also mentions pooping in the shower (and ass washing in the sink).

    Am I… … … gross?

    Apr 2, 2009 at 8:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Girl Friday

      Yes.

      Apr 4, 2009 at 12:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   aaa

    I actually had the hair thing happen to me, although it was on the stairs, not the sink. I had really shitty, immature, piggish roommates last year. One (roomie #1) of them cut and dyed their own hair. I come into my apartment building one day to find chunks of black hair all up and down the stairwell. Turns out roomie #1 had roomie #2 cut her hair while sitting on the steps out there and didn’t see any reason to clean it up. But they were entitled pig-dicks and seemed to think that they could do no wrong. *sigh* Thank god my roomies this year and nice and clean up after themselves.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 8:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   mamason bang

      OMG! That is so totally the same same thing only completely different. What a coinky-dink!

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:18 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Hey, Hambone!

      Who let you out of the split-pea soup?

      Easy mama. Don’t lets not go tangential.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   aaa

      Would it helped if I told you they crapped in the shower? Not that they actually did, but I bet they wanted to.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 8:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   Mishee™ bang

      aaa, WTF?

      “Thank god my roomies this year and nice and clean up after themselves.”

      You need to go get yourself some slobby roomies again and let the P/A notes fly so you can share them with us!

      Apr 3, 2009 at 10:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.5   aaa

      Sorry Mishee, I’m not willing to take one for the team. I’m actually planning on getting an apartment sans roommate fairly soonish. I guess I could write myself PA notes to keep myself on my toes…

      Apr 3, 2009 at 10:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.6   HilRIUs bang

      aaa, the economy is crapper too (though not on the note).. might want to reconsider.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 11:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.7   mamason bang

      8-O

      *read TOS’ comment as tangenital…*

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Flaboy2425

    Well, Mishee, there was a toilet at Vought aircraft plant in Grand Prairie, TX that used to flush with excessive power. Someone had written on the door. “Free ass wash.” You might try there.

    Apr 2, 2009 at 11:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Mishee™ bang

      I would rather have a nasty, smelly, rank donkey than go to Texas.

      I thought I had already made my feelings about that state perfectly clear.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 10:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      No chance you were mistaking a bidet for a toilet?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 11:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   Bunnee

      That’s too bad, Mishee. I live about 15 minutes away from said aircraft plant. I’d shelter you from all the ass wipes that live here… ;)

      Apr 3, 2009 at 12:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   mamason bang

      but, Mish… you love their toast so much…

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   TheOldSchool bang

      I must be a real jack-ass, Mishee, because your comment (28.1) confused me. You seem to be making an unfavorable comparison between the having of nasty, smelly rank donkeys, versus the ones you usually have.

      Then, you state that you’d rather have one of the nasty donkeys than go to Texas. Does this mean that you still like Texas, but you like having it off with donkeys, no matter how foul-smelling, just a tad bit more?

      Nobody here should be judging you, Mishee.

      Let them bray and hee-haw all they want, because you know as well as I do that
      we all have our quirks and peccadildoes.

      Do you give scheduled performances, or is it catch-as-catch-can according to when the moment is right and the donkey is ready?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.6   T-Rex Annum bang

      you could visit the farm Mishee™ and make a toast.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.7   Girl Friday

      Did TOS refer to dildos? Is pecca Spanish for something good?

      Apr 4, 2009 at 12:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.8   TheOldSchool bang

      Girl Friday, I’ll first tip my ribbed party hat to CB, then say, “You’re from Boston; you tell us.”

      Apr 4, 2009 at 2:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.9   Girl Friday

      Oh, well, I live down South and if someone here were to say peccadildoes I would have to assume, due to lack of enunciation, that they were saying pack of dildos.

      I would then assume they were purchasing their sex toys in bulk at Sam’s Club and promptly get a membership.

      Apr 4, 2009 at 8:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   shel

    Maybe it’s just me, but when reading the note about what “not to do” in the latrine, are they saying please do not defecate in the latrine (which seems strange to me, as I thought that was the purpose of a latrine) and instead people should shit in the shower?

    Using the hair trimming point above as an example, I would think the info in the parentheses is the preferable alternative…

    I find this latrine very confusing…

    Apr 3, 2009 at 12:05 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   N/A

      It’s not just you. I was just about to post that too. Really that bullet point means “don’t defecate in the latrine, sh** in the shower instead”

      Apr 3, 2009 at 8:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   HilRIUs bang

      Totally.. Mr. Military Note Writer fucked it up. Did they put a weapon in his hand at any time or is he too busy monitoring the potty room?

      Apr 3, 2009 at 10:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   Snayl

      Maybe the latrine doesn’t have a flush toilet, and therefore is strictly for pissin’ in… and the building that houses the showers has proper working toilets for voiding one’s bowels…?

      That’s the only possibility that makes any sense to me.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 4:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   GhostWriter bang

    No wonder I couldn’t decipher the 1st note- I thought it was written in Aurebesh.

    Why? Because the translation just happens to be Obi-Wan Kenobi’s plan for sneaking into the Death Star. As Yoda (arguably the 1st jewish mother) always said, “The Imperial Forces, attack you must- hmmf! ..but an empty stomach? Not on!

    Apr 3, 2009 at 8:54 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   KatieMB bang

      “Help us be quiet when we cook, Obi Wan. You’re our only hope.”

      Apr 3, 2009 at 4:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   heisa

    so am i allowed to shit in the sink then?

    Apr 3, 2009 at 8:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   GhostWriter bang

    The thing I hated most about boot camp was when Sarge would call Attention! while I was in the latrine.

    Apr 3, 2009 at 9:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Isuck

    The best thing about shitting in the shower is stomping it through those little holes in the drain.

    Apr 3, 2009 at 10:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   HilRIUs bang

      That would imply that the US Armed Forces occupying (liberating) that building were cleaning up after themselves. The note does not reference clean-up policy or procedure should one find themselves in afore noted practice.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 11:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   HilRIUs bang

      ..empty comment..
      System is slooooow

      Apr 3, 2009 at 11:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.3   Canthz_B bang

      It’s the military, they’re waiting for the police to clean it. ;-)

      a little knowledge of military jargon may be required on his joke. Don’t feel bad if you don’t get it.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 8:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.4   mamason bang

      I always feel bad when I don’t get it.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 9:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   octavius

    Emission accomplished.

    Apr 3, 2009 at 12:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Stuff Queer People Need To Know

    Who defecates in the shower? That is just gross.

    Apr 3, 2009 at 12:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   HilRIUs bang

      No, no, no.. is no DEFICATING in the latrine.. feel free to SH** in the shower.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 1:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   Isuck

      Sometimes you don’t want to get out and dry off.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 2:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.3   HilRIUs bang

      And then of course there is the risk of slipping wet assed off the seat so ..well, there you have it. I guess there is reason and safety in their practice.

      Apr 3, 2009 at 3:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   RoxyBlue

    Maybe the ultimate aim of the message is to stop the dish washers. After reading that list I wouldn’t do my dishes there.

    Wash your ass in the sink??!! Apparently the US forces should be investing in some bidets.

    Apr 3, 2009 at 1:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   fluffy8u

    Mommy, the second note scares me…

    Apr 3, 2009 at 6:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Sheila

    lol – first time visitor, what a great site.

    I saw you recommended in an Australian newspaper, (in a list of recommended blogs in The Weekend Australian 04-5/Apr/09). It was in an article ‘A soapbox in cyberspace’ by brian appleyard. You were 1 of 2 featured under ‘comic relief’ – he wasn’t lying. :)

    Apr 3, 2009 at 10:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Girl Friday

      Is your name really Sheila?

      Did you know they have latrines just for you at every Outback Steakhouse here in the States?

      Just don’t wash your feet in the sink. I have to wash my ass there.

      Apr 4, 2009 at 12:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   park rose

      Nicely spotted, Girl Friday. All Aussie chicks are named Shelia. It’s a fact. Even me. Don’t let that name above the little grey box fool ya’.

      Apr 4, 2009 at 12:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Is your name really “Park”?

      Or is it, as I suspect, really: “Sheila Park Rose”?

      Apr 4, 2009 at 2:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.4   Girl Friday

      My name’s really Girl Friday.

      My parents, Mr. and Mrs. Friday, didn’t bother with really naming me as I am the second born and female. Not a worthy heir to their 1967 trailer with the front porch made of beer can tabs.

      Although Girl Friday is a much better name than the alternative – Number 2. The jokes in Elementary School would have sent me over the edge by Third Grade.

      Apr 4, 2009 at 9:08 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.5   Sheila

      lol, my name’s not sheila :) it’s an old nickname, or part of one. details on my blog if you’re interested under the tab It’s All About Me

      glad you stopped the cheque, murdoch and his employees have enough money :)

      i’d never heard of the outback steakhouses – what do they call the male loos? If it’s Sheilas for women, should be Blokes for men.

      Apr 5, 2009 at 8:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   TheOldSchool bang

    Thanks, Sheila.

    I take it then, that Bryan received my cheque.

    It’s a pity for him that I put a stop-payment order on it as soon as the printers e-mailed me that the piece was running.

    In fairness to Bryan, I’m confident he would have run the promo even without an incentive.

    Saving money wasn’t the real reason I stopped the payment; I feel better knowing that yet another Aussie newspaperman can sleep easier with a clean conscience.

    First, Murdoch. Now, Appleyard.

    It’s the humble beginnings of a tiny PANtheon of well-rested, if not so well-respected, journalists.

    “G’night, mates.”

    Apr 4, 2009 at 2:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Hi, Mishee.

      Apr 4, 2009 at 2:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   dingoatemybaby

    So glad The Weekend Australian ran that piece – I had just finished peeing myself over at Cakewrecks so was happy to find this site! Having worked in a few offices, it’s good to see that my old granny had it right when she said “There’s nought so queer as folk.” I just wish I had kept some of the notes over the years! Great site!

    Apr 4, 2009 at 8:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   Girl Friday

      Did a dingo really eat your baby?

      *noisily crosses Australia off places to vacation with newly born offspring list*

      Apr 4, 2009 at 10:01 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Damn PA dingoes. Eating your babies then shitting in the showers.

      Apr 4, 2009 at 12:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.3   Mishee™ bang

      Poor Lindy.

      She will never get any peace.

      Apr 4, 2009 at 1:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.4   dingoatemybaby

      The weird thing is, I never think of Lindy or her poor baby when I think of this phrase. I just think of Meryl Streep doing an Aussie accent.

      Apr 5, 2009 at 1:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.5   Girl Friday

      I always think of how full that dingo must have been.

      Apr 5, 2009 at 9:25 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Bald Outing

    man, i don’t ever want to go near that bathroom!

    Apr 4, 2009 at 10:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   not_an_ola

    I’m touched by the note from Tel Aviv, I never thought a PA note from our part of the world would make it out there. Israelis aren’t known for being passive-aggressive, they’re more, you know, aggressive aggressive.

    Apr 5, 2009 at 6:34 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   park rose bang

      Definitely word-worthy – not that I want to influence the Goddess or anything or ruin not_an_…’s (can’t see his name while I’m editing) chances. ;)

      Apr 5, 2009 at 10:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   park rose

      Sorry, I mean “Wordsworthy” – after all both Byron and Shelley (or their close cousins) have been referenced above.

      Apr 5, 2009 at 12:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   Sharon

    I love that the U.S. Army had to “translate” what the word “defecate” means in such crude terms for the troops while implying that the only worthwhile facilities were the U.S. ones. “This is a U.S. Forces occupied building and work space. Please do not use it like pile of waste” (i.e. like you treat the outside neighborhood). Maybe they should make up drill chants to help the guys keep it all straight? ” I don’t know but I’ve been told, the toilet seat is mighty cold.” Or at least put up some of those posters they have in pre-school and kindergarten classrooms illustrating how to properly use the bathroom?

    Apr 7, 2009 at 11:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   your a geneous

    [...] related: (don’t?) wash your ass in the sink [...]

    Jul 10, 2009 at 10:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   A Random Grown-up

    why doesn’t the owner of this blog delete all the comments that use the “F” bomb as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, etc etc??

    If they don’t have enough words to use a sentence without it, then don’t write. Get real!

    May 17, 2010 at 10:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   mamason bang

      Fuckin’ – A, Random grown-up. I mean, What the fuck? Why the fuck do people have to cuss so fucking much? Am I fucking right or am I fucking right? Fucking retards. Fucking fuck fuckers. Fuck!

      May 17, 2010 at 11:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     

Comments are Closed