“my co-worker had a ‘meet our bundle of joy’ party in a common space of his apartment building,” says our anonymous submitter in new york city, and these notes were peppered throughout the space.
he adds: “not only did i opt out of ‘touching’ their baby, i also passed on digging into the bowl of ruffles.”
meanwhile, as carson in atlanta points out, someone else has channeled that parental germaphobia into a bona fide business!
related: this is all about the childern
372 responses so far ↓
#1
Edon
“Wanna touch the baby?”
…does that sound vaguely dirty to anyone else?
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:15 am rating: +60
#2
whOOt
I didn’t wash my hands before making this comment
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:15 am rating: +45
#3
Jen
Gawd, I hate to be the one to do this, but sometimes parents really do need to be careful about handwashing and people touching their kids. As a mom to preemies, it’s really important because you could give my kids RSV and my kids could DIE, like really, actually die. So I will fly my passive aggressive notes in favor of that. I know some parents are just germaphobic freaks, but sometimes they’re just doing what’s necessary to keep their kids safe. We’re not just being a$$holes, I swear. Flame away.
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:16 am rating: +64
#4
Hmmm
How about people with babies not feeling free to just change a shitty diaper in a public space on any surface they deem handy (like the booth in a restaurant)?!?
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:17 am rating: +93
#5
mamason
I was at the pediatricians with my little one and this overly cheerful snot encrusted walking turd of a toddler came toddling over at an alarmingly high rate of speed with the obvious intention of *shudder* touching my precious and properly sanitized one month old bundle of joy. I literally had to force my foot back to the ground, a feat *punny* managed only by my iron will and a strong desire to remain out of prison because my first instinct was to block his approach and my hands were full at the time. So I would say to all you parents of babies and small children… don’t flatter yourself. Why not dip that nasty little booger sausage you call a child into a bathtub every now and then and then maybe I’ll consider actually touching it. kthx
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:35 am rating: +74
#6
Miss Lynx
I can see being careful about germs with a newborn, whose immune system hasn’t fully developed yet, especially if the baby was premature as in Jen’s comment.
But… once the kid hits the crawling stage, which the one in the second pic certainly looks old enough to be at, they are going to be eating dirt and rug fuzz by the handful at every opportunity, so the germphobe thing is kind of a lost cause at that point.
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:36 am rating: +34
#7
Lisa
How did any of us survive?
But OK, though the signs are a bit much, I’m going to defend the mom here. You should always wash your hands before touching a baby.
The hand sanitizer, however, is actually not a good substitute and you shouldn’t touch a baby’s hands after you have used it. It’s bad for their digestive system and burns the hell out of their eyes. On a sidenote, teenagers also ingest it to get drunk. I won’t allow it in my classroom for that reason.
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:42 am rating: +19
#8
mamason
Wanna touch the baby?
…use this on your hands first.
Well, ok but I wasn’t going to use my hands so I don’t see the point.
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:43 am rating: +88
#9
BDAYGURL
Puh-lease! That baby probably has more germs than an adult. Who knows what cracks and crevices that kids put his hands! Nose, ear, belly button… the diaper! Yuck. Children are carrier monkeys of disease.
/half-kidding
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:44 am rating: +28
#10
Cat Skyfire
In all honesty, I don’t WANT to touch them. And for those children who seem to want to come and touch me…I want them to use the sanitizer first.
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:59 am rating: +56
#11
Canthz_B
Why should I be clean just because they did the nasty?
Apr 6, 2009 at 1:20 am rating: +8
#12
Canthz_B
Please include lab report with your RSVP. There will be a Lysol shower at the door, and remember… this is a BYOCS (bring your own clean-suit) affair.
Thank you, and don’t forget to bring a gift.
Apr 6, 2009 at 1:34 am rating: +15
#13
Canthz_B
I think it’s safe to say that we know of someone who had sex in the shower.
Apr 6, 2009 at 1:38 am rating: +9
#14
Regina
I really hope those kids grow up to be mud-wrestlers. Or garbage-men. Or something else ironic and hyphenated.
Apr 6, 2009 at 1:39 am rating: +27
#15
mamason
Daddy: But honey, everyone wants to see the baby.
Mommy: I don’t care! I don’t want a bunch of low lifes coming into my home and sitting on my furniture… What if they tried to use the bathroom, for fucks sake? *starts sobbing*
Daddy: OK… we’ll invite folks to the lobby, throw that stale bag of Ruffles into a bowl and you can walk the baby through, real quick like.
Mommy: What if someone tries to touch him?
Daddy: I’ll put out the hand sanitizer… with a note. That way they’ll know we really mean it. OK, honey?
Mommy: Ok. Thanks Terry. *sniff*
Apr 6, 2009 at 2:06 am rating: +47
#16
oh really
Unless the baby is a preemie or has a health situation, I think normal, healthy adults holding the baby are fine, and the Purell is not a great idea, for reasons already mentioned. I’d say if you’re that overly concerned about your guests being inconsiderate enough to massage germs into your baby’s skin, and your baby is in an extra-vulnerable state, don’t throw a big old “come meet the baby (and give us gifts!)” party. Because when people come meet the baby, a lot of the time, they’re going to expect to get to hold the baby.
Also, yeah, “Want to touch the baby?” sounds very, um, wrong.
Apr 6, 2009 at 2:10 am rating: +28
#17
Anna
whatever happened to letting your kid get sick every once in a while? god forbid they grow up with any kind of immunities…
Apr 6, 2009 at 2:10 am rating: +16
#18
Canthz_B
Purell? Bah!
Camel piss was good enough for the Magi, so it’s good enough for me!
Apr 6, 2009 at 2:26 am rating: +5
#19
lownote
It’s notes like that that make me despair of my fellow parents, if you are worried about germs, don’t have kids!
Apr 6, 2009 at 2:29 am rating: +7
#20
Grimfool_Reluctant
What would be really P/A would be if the contributor had stolen the bottle of Purell and replaced with, oh, I don’t know — a pitchfork?
Apr 6, 2009 at 2:44 am rating: +3
#21
Canthz_B
This is the kid that, in seven years, will be in the back seat of the car screaming, “Will you stop touching me?!”…pretty normal stuff, but weird when there are no siblings back there with him.
Apr 6, 2009 at 3:16 am rating: +13
#22
TheOldSchool
If teenage boys had boobs and could get pregnant, I’ll bet we would see far fewer signs like the ones above.
Then again, anarchy would break out around the globe, as these young “momboys” waged epic street battles, using their swollen tits as squirt guns for shooting their breast milk at one another.
So, Your Boy Is Pregnant:
(Some Frank Advice For Parents Who Are Soon To Be Grandparents)
You love your son. Sure, he’s been a fuck-up since the day he was born, but at least he’s big and fat and stupid.
Now that your son is about to become a momboy, you are slightly worried he’ll be tempted to neglect his baby while he frolics in the streets with his fellow momboys, squirting like there’s no tomorrow.
Naturally, you want to think that even if he gets into the occasional tittie-milk-squirting scuffle (and you know he will, because, after all, pregnant or not, he’s still a boy) your son will be smart enough to keep some of his breast milk squirting ammo “in reserve,” so he can feed his baby when he returns home from the front.
Yeah, right. C’mon, get real! Seriously.
He may be a mom, but he’s still a boy!
Do you honestly believe that your pregnant son is going to (all of a sudden!) start magically thinking like an adult, just because he’s now with child?
Face it, your boy is still the same fat, lazy half-wit he’s always been. Just because some horny bitch was drunk enough to stumble into his bedroom, and too drunk to stumble back out of it, doesn’t mean that your kid’s brain has been improved.
His intellectual bandwidth rating remains where it has always been — perched halfway between the mind of a mildly-retarded gerbil and that of an extremely slow-witted hamster.
He’s a teenaged boy!
Since your lad is both chubby and tubby, he’s in double-danger of being recruited into one of the drive-by tit-squeezer gangs.
A “husky” and “larger-sized” lad is always highly sought after by gangs because of the awesome firepower the he carries within the Ultra-Big-Gulp-Sized confines of his Sag Harbor “Hoist-Em-Up Bra.
It’s sad, but these gangs don’t care about your son, they only want him for his SUPER-SOAKERS.
Here’s some important advice I give to all parents:
If your son is pregnant, congratulations, but whatever you do, don’t let him hold a baby shower!
Especially if he’s a chunky lad!
Usually, at this point, the lad’s parents will stop me and start in with the moaning and the hand-wringing: “But he loves getting the presents….for the baby.”
I calmly look the parents in the eyes, and then matter-of-factly reply:
“Look, Mr. and Mrs. Soandso,
“You’ve already fucked up once, by letting your son get knocked up by a two-bit tramp, don’t compound your mistake by letting him have a baby shower.
“If you do, he’ll get sucked into one of the gangs, where, once they get feast their eyes on his gleefully glowing globes of glistening globular glands they’ll pray they never get glaucoma.
“They’ll milk him dry as the farmer’s wife’s ancient udder-purse.
“There’ll be no milk for the baby….
“No milk for the Joads…..
“The only sound we’ll ever know again is the sound of six billion human voices a’weepin’ and a’wailin’ as they stumble along our lactated and saturated, sour-smelling sidewalks, crying over all that spilled and squirted milk.
“Mamas , don’t let your boys grow up to have baby showers.
If he’s with child, and wants to go blow off some milk streams, by all means, let him. Boys will be boys. He can have fun and still be a good mom.
P.S. Do remember to remind him that after he’s had a baby, that doesn’t mean he can’t get pregnant again. In fact, now he’s even more desireable to the girls — because now he is a
MILF.
Apr 6, 2009 at 3:39 am rating: +22
#23
dingoatemybaby
I’m betting this is their first child…
Apr 6, 2009 at 3:49 am rating: +13
#24
dsny
Ugh, children are dirtier than adults ktnx. How about them using some sanitizer before groping at strangers in public.
Apr 6, 2009 at 4:23 am rating: +4
#25
Griffen P.
Lolz@ this thread!! LMAOROFL!
Apr 6, 2009 at 5:35 am rating: +5
#26
KT8711
Okay, I understand that parents don’t want their kids to get sick, because this recent germaphobic phenomenon is simply pathetic. If you are constantly using Purell around your children, they simply aren’t going to develop the antibodies they’ll need later in life. Other than sheer curiosity, the biological need to develop antibodies is why babies are constantly putting things in their mouths. They need to be exposed to germs.
My brother and his wife were constantly using Purell around my niece and nephew when they were very small. Now that the kids have entered school, it seems like they get sick every 5 minutes. Coincidence? I think not.
It’s going to be really interesting to see how just how allergic-y and sensitive this generation of children born to obsessive helicopter parents will be. Every generation just seems to get softer and softer.
Apr 6, 2009 at 6:07 am rating: +19
#27
thrall38
Maybe the sign should have read, “Wanna touch the baby? Get your own.”
Apr 6, 2009 at 7:54 am rating: +27
#28
Amanda
I think they must have seen the ep of House, where all the babies were dying because some crazy old lady kept wiping her nose on their teddy bears. There’s a lot more to it, but that’s the gist.
Apr 6, 2009 at 8:14 am rating: +6
#29
GhostWriter
(1) Squirt Purell between thumb and forefinger
(2) Grab chips with same hand
(3) Pick up Skoal juice cup with other hand
…then, in one quick motion, chug the Skoal juice, snort the Purell, and mash the chips into your mouth.
What, you’ve never done a BabyShot?
Apr 6, 2009 at 8:41 am rating: +14
#30
aaa
Well, I wasn’t planning on touching the baby. I’m sorry that you dropped him, but I still wasn’t planning on touching the baby when you shoved him in my face.
Apr 6, 2009 at 8:52 am rating: +4
#31
The Style PA
I hate to disappoint you, but I wouldn’t put my hands anywhere near your ugly baby.
Apr 6, 2009 at 8:53 am rating: +4
#32
claw71
I’mm wash my hands if that’s what you want, but it was not my hands with which I was going to touch your baby.
Apr 6, 2009 at 9:08 am rating: +2
#33
Bernd das Brot
Deng! What a great business idea. These things must be flying off the shelf. This is even better than my “100% fat free bottled water” idea. Why didn’t I think of this first?
Apr 6, 2009 at 9:09 am rating: +1
#34
J
OK, so being completely honest I didn’t let people touch my kid. I also didn’t thrust her in their faces. There was no “Meet the new bundle of joy” bullshit. And when random strangers tried to touch her, I threatened to rip their arms off and then use aforementioned arms to beat them to death with. I think it was all very healthy!
Apr 6, 2009 at 9:34 am rating: +15
#35
Gunderson105
So the kid dies, big deal.
Just make another one, they all look the same at that age anyway. Who would know? Plus, if you play it right, you’d have 2 tax write-offs, with the expenses of only having one kid.
Apr 6, 2009 at 9:39 am rating: +16
#36
alouette
I just don’t understand how people can really think that everybody gives a damn about their child. I’m all for kids, in fact I’m 3 months away from having my own, but jesus people, I don’t like your children.
And babies are just the beginning, once the kids get a little older they get even worse, because their never think to tell them sit down and shut up when they are in public. There are very few things as grating on my nerves than eating a restaurant and having to listen to your child misbehave. I didn’t act like that as a kid, and I refuse to believe that if my parents could raise a happy, well behaved child, so can everyone else.
Apr 6, 2009 at 9:42 am rating: +17
#37
Heroin
I never cared about people I know touching my baby, sanitized hands or not, but strangers will try to touch random babies at grocery stores all the time.
The old lady in line behind me once actually tried to pick my son up while I was putting my stuff on the conveyor. It didn’t bug me that she was giving germs to him with her dirty, old lady hands, so much as, holy crap, have some boundries.
Another time an old lady tried to give my 6 month old a raisin. It’s always old ladies.
Apr 6, 2009 at 10:08 am rating: +15
#38
aloria
If you’re so concerned about germs touching your precious wittle babeh, then maybe you shouldn’t have a “hey look we had unprotected sex this is what happened” ego stroke party.
Just an idea.
Apr 6, 2009 at 10:12 am rating: +15
#39
Angela
I don’t see anything wrong with the note. People who visit the home of a new baby always want to touch the babies hand or hold it. Wash your hands and/or use hand sanitizer. A newborns immune system is not that strong and a fever for a newborn means an automatic stay in the hospital. I don’t know why a parent would want a bunch of people in their home with a newborn. The party was a bad idea!
When my kid was first born strangers were always poking their head into her stroller trying to touch her with their unwashed hands. It’s not sanitary and I didn’t know these people. I started screaming “don’t touch” for people to get the hint. Sure they thought I was rude but no more rude than I thought they were for trying to touch a strangers baby.
Apr 6, 2009 at 10:52 am rating: +3
#40
JustSaying
I know this doesn’t fit the bill for everyone, but I have several friends who use this sign because their child has a neuromuscular disorder that affects their lungs, and even the common cold could put them in the hospital or kill them. That is just one issue-there are also immune disorders, etc. You can’t keep them in a bubble in their house, but people are NOT courteous about not touching babies/children. Sometimes it isn’t passive/aggressive to ask people not to touch, sometimes it really is important. And sometimes people are just overprotective ninnies.
Apr 6, 2009 at 11:24 am rating: +3
#41
Tim
Should be:
“Please use this. Doing test research on the impact of hand sanitizers on children”
“Working on developing Asthma, please don’t touch.”
Apr 6, 2009 at 11:30 am rating: +14
#42
leftfoot
You know, I don’t want to touch your damn baby anyway. It’s creepy.
Apr 6, 2009 at 11:30 am rating: +3
#43
The T word
Did you know that if you flush a baby you will get fecal mist all over your toothbrush? I saw it on mythbusters so it is true!
Apr 6, 2009 at 11:30 am rating: +16
#44
Molly
This flies out the window as soon as the second child arrives and the first child is a little germbag.
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:10 pm rating: +5
#45
tara
This kind of crap drives me NUTS. Somehow I managed to grow to adulthood without everyone that came into contact with me as an infant washing their hands, so the lengths that some people go to are just cuckoo bananas. Isn’t there also a theory that the excessive use of anti-bacterial products is why kids are so much more allergic to things these days than previous generations?
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:14 pm rating: +6
#46
barbaraxmanatee
people need to stop procreating. ENOUGH ALREADY!
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:33 pm rating: +11
#47
Goldie
Is that a used diaper on the floor in the back of the 1st picture?
Wanna touch it? Use Purell first.
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:41 pm rating: +3
#48
secondsout
Of course, there’s something to be said for not attending the “meet our bundle of joy” party in the first place. Frankly, I don’t think babies are all that special.
Apr 6, 2009 at 12:52 pm rating: +7
#49
Jim
Is that a turd on the floor in the first picture?
Damn, someone had the same thought a few minutes before
Apr 6, 2009 at 1:01 pm rating: +1
#50
bald outing
these poor babies – they have no idea.
Apr 6, 2009 at 1:04 pm rating: 0
#51
Kate
It’s things like this that make me wonder how our great grandparents ever made it to adulthood.
Clearly we are all moments from death due to an unsanitary telephone or some shit.
Apr 6, 2009 at 1:09 pm rating: +3
#52
Poor Ol Dirt Farmer
My wife and I saw a stroller this weekend with TWO of those exact signs (2nd pic) on it.
Apr 6, 2009 at 1:29 pm rating: +2
#53
mamason
It uses the Purell or it gets the hose.
Apr 6, 2009 at 1:38 pm rating: +19
#54
childfree
Let me get this straight….
Your child exudes noxious substances (mucus, poop) on a 24 hour basis, and I need to wash my hands to protect your PWECIOUS?
Tell that to my boyfriend who made the mistake of swimming in our neighborhood’s pool…..where all the parunts were allowing their shitstains to swim, and he picked up cryptosporidium from the little PWECIOUSES swimming in the pool in their diapers.
Next babybee I see, I will be sure to wipe my ass with my hands before touching.
Apr 6, 2009 at 3:03 pm rating: +9
#55
J
heh
i remember someone telling me ab out a similar party they had held long ago. allegedly, the father had asked everyone who attended to stick their finger in the boy’s mouth to give him a taste of as many casual germs as possible early on. by all account the boy is 6′5″ now, and neigh indestructable.
Apr 6, 2009 at 4:11 pm rating: +8
#56
J
heh
i remember someone telling me ab out a similar party they had held long ago. allegedly, the father had asked everyone who attended to stick their finger in the boy’s mouth to give him a taste of as many casual germs as possible early on. by all account the boy is 6′5″ now, and neigh indestructible.
Apr 6, 2009 at 4:12 pm rating: 0
#57
Rebel
Please, take my baby!
Okay, seriously, I believe human beings are social creatures who need to be touched. If someone else wanted to hold my baby, then all it meant was that I could have a few minutes break from holding him or her myself.
I never worried about anyone touching my children.
Except once, when I was stuck on the first floor of a twenty story building. The elevator was broken, I didn’t have any spare diapers, and my 2 month old had a diaper full of icky mustard yellow breast milk poop. I was trying to hike up the stairs to the eighteenth floor when an Arabic-looking man stopped me and started talking to me.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t speaking English. So, after a moment he gave up and plucked my baby right out of my arms. I ran after him, trying to tell him that the baby was dripping poop, but he didn’t stop until we got to the eighteenth floor (how did he know that was my floor, anyway?). Then he handed her back to me with lots of reassurances that I suppose were meant to assure me that he wasn’t kidnapping her.
And then he noticed the poop all over the arm of his very nice expensive-looking leather jacket. I tried to apologize, but he just took off.
It was weird. And unfortunate, since I think he was trying to be helpful. But the last thing I was worried about was his *germs*.
Apr 6, 2009 at 4:53 pm rating: +6
#58
MW
Your hideous little crotch fruit probably has more germs on his fucking softspot than I have on my entire body. Thanks, I’ll use the disinfectant for my own protection.
Apr 6, 2009 at 5:29 pm rating: +7
#59
Geek Goddess
I especially appreciate the line on the second picture that explains that the pink sign tells people to wash their hands before touching the baby. If people can’t figure it out from reading the pink sign, it is kind of pointless to use one of those signs in the first place.
Apr 6, 2009 at 5:42 pm rating: +2
#60
Sarah
That’s funny, I usually sanitize AFTER being anywhere near a baby (you couldn’t pay me to actually touch them), since the little snotballs are usually crawling with filth.
Apr 6, 2009 at 5:56 pm rating: +3
#61
Dr. T
Crotchfruit – love it.
Apr 6, 2009 at 6:20 pm rating: +3
#62
Girl Friday
Sorry it took me so long to post today. I was busy securing a patent on the sneeze guard for baby strollers.
It doubles as a punch shield for hookers so I thought I’d ask the Shamwow guy to do the infomercial.
Apr 6, 2009 at 7:19 pm rating: +11
#63
gargggg
also, i would like to add that when i have children, fuck hand sanitizer, they will just be allowed to run around naked to get used to germs. i have allergies. i dont want them to have ANY!!!
Apr 6, 2009 at 8:56 pm rating: +2
#64
Leisa
I won’t use hnd sanitizer before touching your kid (because I would never voluntarily touch one) but I’m damn sure using sanitizer afterwards if the little snotfactory comes near me. Parents are so worried about their kids getting germs from everyone else, but don’t seem to care if their kids give germs to others (runny nose, dirty hands, open-faced sneezing with snot landing on everyone nearby, changing diapers in public areas, tossing diapers on the grounds or leaving them in a shopping cart, and so on and so on and so on). Kids are gross.
Apr 6, 2009 at 9:35 pm rating: +5
#65
Jilly
OMG….let’s all come together and use the sanitizier and create a SUPER BUG ALREADY.
Apr 6, 2009 at 9:40 pm rating: +6
#66
Flaboy2425
Yeah it sounds dirty to me. I’ll use the hand sanitizer after I touch the baby. On second thought, why would I want to touch the nasty kid?
Apr 7, 2009 at 12:25 am rating: 0
#67
Grimfool_Reluctant
Yep. This thread has officially been around the block twice.
Apr 7, 2009 at 1:25 am rating: +7
#68
GK
I think my favourite part of the little sign is the teeny copyright symbol. Why?
Also, somebody really needs to explain what this term “preemie” that everyone’s slinging around as if it were a real word means before people start suffering terrible accidents.
Apr 7, 2009 at 5:09 am rating: +2
#69
not_an_ola
Jebus, people on the internet really hate little kids.
Apr 7, 2009 at 5:18 am rating: +1
#70
Tripletmom
Jen- I have to agree with you! I too usually am laughing at these notes too but as a mom of 3 premature babies…RSV is a killer. Even with RSV shots you have to be so careful. I stayed in the house for 2 years because of not only the germs during RSV season but with 3 babies…..it was too hard to get out! lol That been said I would never put a sign on my kid or the house. First of all I just never took them out near people so I would not freak out. Second you can tackfull ask people to wash. You don’t need a sign. Hope your preemie is well! Mine are 7…they were 28 weekers and happy and healthy now! Thank GOD!!
Apr 7, 2009 at 12:38 pm rating: +1
#71
Mack Truck
Kids are major germ factories, and someone wants ME to wash my hands before touching one?
First of all, I don’t WANT to touch/hold your spawn, and it irks me when people thrust their drool monkeys at me, expecting me to coo and smile.
Just because I’m a woman doesn’t automatically make me genetically inclined to want to hold your gooey, snotty, smelly little bundle of joy.
Apr 7, 2009 at 2:32 pm rating: +5
#72
Laura K.
I am a total bitch when it comes to MY children as newborns. If they get sick it’s much worse as a newborn than as an older baby so yes, I am one of THOSE moms.. I’m not like that for my kids now, ages 5 years and 9 months, but considering my entire family has been sick for most of 2009, I am wagering a bet it could be related to all the strangers who can’t keep their dirty paws OFF my baby! I swear I cannot go anywhere without someone touching her! Yes she’s cute, admire from afar please? Why is it that people insist on touching fingers or faces of babies anyway?!
And in defense of all germaphobe parents, you have NO idea what their story is. Their child could be immunosuppresed for example and they are only protecting that innocent child from being sick (and thus sucking up any chance they have as parents to sleep).
Let’s not be so hard on parents mkay?
Apr 7, 2009 at 2:51 pm rating: 0
#73
Anonymous
Am I the only one annoyed by the redundancy of the tagline text on the second picture?
Apr 7, 2009 at 2:53 pm rating: 0
#74
ana
Studies have shown children who are kept germ-free by overzealous parents actually end up getting sicker in the long run because they don’t build up any immunity toward germs and illnesses. Why not just seal your baby in carbonite while you’re at it?
Apr 7, 2009 at 3:09 pm rating: 0
#75
The T word
Babies who breast feed gain immunities from their germy, filthy, dirty whore of a mother.
But mom knows she isn’t going to get tipped for providing life, nourishment, and antibodies. Oh no just by looking at the baby she knew there wasn’t going to be any tip. Cheap little vomiting fucker. Should have stuck him on Simulac.
Apr 7, 2009 at 3:52 pm rating: +5
#76
TPS
It has been proven that excessive handwashing and anti-bacterial products increases skin conidtions and allergies because you are destroying the outer layer of skin. The more you know! *Sees rainbow*
Apr 7, 2009 at 4:02 pm rating: 0
#77
Canthz_B
Hand sanitizer…the cure for the common airborne pathogen?
Baby takes in more nasties in one good breath than from 50 handshakes.
Good old pollen and mold spores and such. Live in fear…the world is a dangerous place, and “they” are out to kill your baby!
Apr 7, 2009 at 4:14 pm rating: +2
#78
Canthz_B
Dear Neighbor,
While I would love to come to the common area to meet your “bundle of joy”, I feel we’ve already met. We’ve spent many a night together in fact…your “bundle of joy” screaming at the top of her lungs, me cursing into my pillow, summoning the strength to not kick in your door and choke her.
No, I think that rather than attend, I’ll use that time to get some much needed sleep.
PS, no guarantees that I’ll always summon the strength, but be assured that I will sanitize my hands before I wrap them around your little bundle of joy’s neck.
Apr 7, 2009 at 4:36 pm rating: +4
#79
mamason
Who loves ya’, baby?
Apr 7, 2009 at 6:15 pm rating: