your new best friend

April 8th, 2009 · 375 comments

this is why the “seething and waiting” strategy will never get through to a messy roommate. (they are oblivious to your blind rage!)

to wit: laura lives in a four-person suite at boston college, where she says one of her suitemates, christin, is “a notorious neat freak.” what that meant was that christin and her roommate, amanda, cleaned the shared bathroom a lot. “kelsey and i never did, because they never let the bathroom reach a point where it was actually dirty.” they also never figured it was an issue, seeing as, uh, nobody ever mentioned that it was an issue. (“the number of times they have mentioned the state of the bathroom? ZERO.”) so laura and her roomie were a bit surprised, one day in february, to find this screed on the floor of their room.

why seething and waiting will never get through to a messy roommate

related: letter from a narcotic

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FILED UNDER: TLDR · bathroom · boston · cleaning · martyr complex · roommates · that shit is disgusting · that's disrespectful · university


375 responses so far ↓

  • #1   TheOldSchool bang

    How soon before the shit hits the shower floor?

    Apr 8, 2009 at 8:35 pm   rating: +24  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   unfortunate names

      I think this is actually one time that crapping in the shower would be warranted. As long as she has the wherewithal to leave it there.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 9:51 pm   rating: +18  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Canthz_B bang

    At least she doesn’t expect them to clean the ceiling.

    I love it when people with nasty personal habits get a PA note from someone who’s cleaner, and they tell the world how angry their nastiness has made someone.
    I’d call it airing one’s dirty laundry, but I doubt Laura does much laundry.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 8:41 pm   rating: +43  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Jalissa

      I disagree. Sure, Laura may be a bucket of filth, but she doesn’t know that she’s offending Amanda if Amanda never tells her.

      Team Laura.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:06 pm   rating: +68  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Canthz_B bang

      She is, like you are, lying to herself.
      When people use other people, they know the other person not only knows, but resents it. They’re just willing to take advantage of others who may not be willing to speak up.
      What? You think Laura assumed Amanda derived pleasure from cleaning up behind her? Even I don’t think she’s that much of an air-head!

      She’s lucky it was a scrawled note instead of a pot of boiling water in the middle of the night.

      If I take your Klondike bar and you don’t say anything about it, does that mean your Klondike bars all belong to me from now on?

      And besides,Laura JUST TOLD HER. and instead of taking it to heart, she submits it to PAN.

      Loser.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:07 am   rating: +85  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   zebra

      I agree. Cleaning a bathroom every 2 weeks isn’t excessive, especially for FOUR women!! I can just imagine how much hair collected.

      Bathrooms are pretty important places. Although we clean up in them, they don’t clean themselves.

      Besides, Laura and her buddy knew they weren’t cleaning and never offered to help. Did they really think Amanda and her buddy just LOVES to clean the bathroom?? Not the most exciting fun to have in college. (Or anywhere for that matter.)

      You know when you don’t lift a finger to help and if you feel like you’re getting away with it she probably let it slide. Which is PA in and of itself!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:32 am   rating: +45  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   David

      I’m with you. It seems pretty clear that the submitter has to be a slob. Also, submitter could have offered to help clean. It wasn’t Amanda’s job to tell her it is her turn to clean. Not even a neat freak enjoys cleaning after others.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 10:21 am   rating: +21  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   ScottR

      Sorry to disagree with you David, but I had a girlfriend that was self-proclaimed OCD and LOVED to clean. She said it was therapeutic for her.
      There were times I’d go upstairs after dinner and come back down to find her cleaning the kitchen. I’d tell her to stop and she’d say she would after she was done, then start moving on to the bathroom. That’s when I’d drag her out into the living room.

      I know, you’ll all give me a ration of stuff…”that’s why she’s an ex…” but no, that’s a whole other story. I’ll just say bad timing on that end.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 11:48 am   rating: +14  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   mamason bang

      People clean their bathrooms? Who’d a thunk it?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   Jalissa

      This is a response to Canthz’s reply. : )

      Well, first of all, I’m really not lying to myself — that’s just my honest opinion. ; )

      If anything, I think the people on Team Amanda are being unrealistic, or “lying to themselves.” With the exception of murder and rape, nothing “just goes without saying.” Most people aren’t on either side of the extreme — not compulsive neat freaks & not total slobs. If a super-clean person like Amanda has a problem with a less-clean person, she needs to sit down and talk to her about it. Laura isn’t a mind reader. You can’t expect someone to magically know what you’re thinking, or you’re setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.

      That being said, if Amanda talked to Laura first and said the bathroom bothered her, I’d think Laura was being inconsiderate. My whole beef with this is just the “it goes without saying” philosophy of the note. People will never know what you’re thinking unless you tell them directly. They’re too stupid to be that perceptive.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 3:50 pm   rating: +35  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   mamason bang

      With the exception of murder and rape, nothing “just goes without saying”… 8-O

      Does this mean that the only things we can be sure of are murder and rape?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 4:47 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.9   Sirius bang

      Gratuitous “burgle” mention in 3, 2, 1, …

      Apr 9, 2009 at 4:58 pm   rating: +6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.10   Anniee451

      “If a super-clean person like Amanda has a problem with a less-clean person, she needs to sit down and talk to her about it.”

      Cleaning a bathroom once every TWO weeks, for four people, is not remotely “super-clean” or “neat-freak.” It’s actually pretty grody. If they waited it out until it got unbearable, I’m willing to take their word for it that it was nasty and Laura freaking knows it – she’s a pig. Nothing wrong with that, but when you share a place, you have to have some sense.

      Amanda’s being a dick, though, with the “have fun cleaning because we won’t” deal – just set it up to take freaking turns. And she shouldn’t have waited so long.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 5:31 pm   rating: +22  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.11   Beanster bang

      Sirius, I was going to say

      “Rape and Murder go without saying, but to Burgle is a grey area.”

      But then you went and spoiled it for me.

      Apr 10, 2009 at 2:30 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.12   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry, Jalissa, but if you are so immature that you think that not having been told means you can’t be expected to know, then you may not be lying to yourself, but you sure don’t get it.

      You don’t have to tell me that you’d not like me to call you an idiot for me to know that that would offend you.

      Yes, Dear…some things do go without saying, so I won’t say it. ;-)

      Apr 11, 2009 at 3:39 am   rating: +10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.13   J

      People have different standards. One person’s “dirty” is another person’s “just fine”. And yes, some people have *disgusting* standards. But if that’s what you were raised with (and it happens all the time), then that’s your “normal”. Which means you don’t know any different until someone else tells you.

      String together a bunch of passive-aggressive roommates in a row, and you don’t find out until something like this. But then, since there was no attempt at a regular conversation, it comes off as an attack. So you reject what they say in defense, even if it’s true, and keep on being a slob.

      I’ve seen it happen that way so many times. You either set clear rules up-front, assuming nothing, or you get drama. Most roommate problems stem from somebody thinking “oh, well *everybody* knows that, it’s just common sense!”

      Apr 20, 2009 at 9:13 pm   rating: +10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.14   J

      (There will be a quiz on this next week, if you were wondering. Class is dismissed.)

      Apr 20, 2009 at 9:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Canthz_B bang

    Must have been like waiting for this economy to hit bottom.
    Just when you think it can’t get any worse…SPLAT!!…toothpaste in the sink, make-up on the sink, and a roomie who thinks “…they never let the bathroom reach a point where it was actually dirty.”

    What does this bitch need? Mud?

    Apr 8, 2009 at 8:47 pm   rating: +49  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Lorelie

      She was waiting for yellow streaks across the toilet seat and a brown film across the bowl. A trashcan overflowing with over-ripe tampons would probably help, too.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:19 am   rating: +16  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   The Commish

      I totally agree. I live alone and clean my bathroom more than every two weeks, and in no way am I a neat freak, just hygienic. Team Amanda.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: +7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   3339666 bang

      Seriously. I wouldn’t call myself a neat freak by any stretch, but I share a bathroom with my husband and I spend one or two minutes every day rinsing out the sink and wiping something. Every few days I either clean the floor or the toilet and bath. If you do it frequently it takes almost no time – never do I spend more than five minutes in a day.

      Apr 11, 2009 at 6:22 am   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Grossed Out

    If Laura’s idea of a ‘notorious neat freak’ is someone who cleans a bathroom every two weeks, then I’d hate to see Laura’s idea of dirty.

    Eww.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 8:49 pm   rating: +131  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   jadefirefly

      This. Seriously, if they cleaned it like every other day, I’d be on Team Note Receivers, but… a four person bathroom, cleaned every two weeks, and this is “neat freak” behavior? Dear lord.

      Get off your messy behind and clean on the off-weeks. I find it hard to believe with four girls in a single bathroom, that sucker didn’t need cleaning at least twice a week.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 8:52 pm   rating: +66  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Beanster bang

      seriously. i think the note is way overboard, but ya. every two weeks is NOT enough.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 8:56 pm   rating: +23  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      I agree with the way overboard . . . seeing hair in the sink ruins her much-anticipated shower? Wait a minute . . . she looked forward to the shower all day? Now she feels like she needs four more showers?
      I’ll bet her boyfriend uses Purell (and lye) before there’s any contact!

      Apr 8, 2009 at 9:31 pm   rating: +48  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   unfortunate names

      Plus it seems like there was an overhaul every two weeks and regular maintenance in the mean time (if the girl really is a neat freak).

      Apr 8, 2009 at 9:53 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   GK

      Two weeks? Two weeks?! Are you kidding me? I am TRULY DISGUSTED(!) that Laura thought that was obsessive territory. Of course, we already had our suspicions thanks to the “neat” freaks’ handwriting skills (or lack thereof). Having seen what one girl can do to a bathroom inside the space of a scant few hours, I am incredulous.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 4:48 am   rating: +9  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   claw71 bang

      I wouldn’t say that Laura’s dirty but she’s not the kind of girl who’s shy about giving a fella a rusty trombone on the first date.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:02 am   rating: +13  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   dawn

      I’m with you; I was on Laura’s side until I read the “2 weeks” part. Eww. I realize that everyone’s standard of clean is different-I have three teenage sons, and what they consider clean is frightening sometimes, but even they know that two weeks is way too long to wait before at least attempting to clean the bathroom

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:29 am   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Claw! rusty trumbone? Utube is great, no?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.9   Rachet

      Seriously. I cringed at the thought that a 4 person bathroom getting cleaned only every two weeks. I live with just my husband and our bathroom is cleaned every weekend and wiped down at least once during the week.

      Disgusting.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 10:10 am   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.10   Heather

      I disagree. I had a neat freak for a suite mate that cloroxed everything every other week and it took hours to get the smell out so that coming home from practice you felt like you were bathing in the stuff. She actually liked to clean it and told us so (4 girls, one tiny bathroom). But I do agree that regular maintenance and it won’t need an overhaul every two weeks. Just once a month. Ours was never nasty enough to wear shoes in the bathroom.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 11:07 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.11   Woohoo

      This would have been cleared up with a cleaning schedule set at the beginning of the school year. I shared an apartment with 3 other girls, and our bathroom was cleaned every week, along with the kitchen and living room. We would alternate bathroom, living room, kitchen, and week off. Now THAT’S neat-freak!!!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 11:28 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.12   The Commish

      No, it’s not “neat freak.” It’s smart and a grown-up thing to do.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:36 pm   rating: +14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Heather

    The best response to this is to never clean the bathroom, at all. What’s she gonna do, more verbal diarrhea all over an innocent piece of paper?

    (Also, this is why I broke down and hired a *weekly* maid…)

    Apr 8, 2009 at 8:49 pm   rating: +14  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Canthz_B bang

      Yeah, because cleaning up behind yourself is so beneath you.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 9:18 pm   rating: +40  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Behind and beneath . . .

      . . . sorry, I got distracted. What were we talking about?

      Apr 8, 2009 at 9:32 pm   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   unfortunate names

      I agree with heather.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 9:54 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   TheOldSchool bang

      I agree with Behind and Beneath.

      Grimfool, you don’t look that Reluctant to me!

      Apr 8, 2009 at 10:33 pm   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Sheila

    Why does she assume that being married means that the wife does the cleaning? Is it 1952 again?

    Apr 8, 2009 at 8:54 pm   rating: +84  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   mamason bang

      Are you saying that being married doesn’t mean the wife does all the cleaning? 8-O

      PAAPAAA… WE NEED TO TALK! :evil:

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: +23  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Canthz_B bang

      Of course the wife doesn’t do all of the bathroom cleaning!
      The husband rinses his own toothbrush at least twice a day! ;-)

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:00 am   rating: +18  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   mamason bang

      Yeah, but who do you think has to disinfect that toothbrush from all the fecal mist?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:07 am   rating: +13  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   kellif

      I also love how she assumes that she’s going to have a husband at all. Because no one in this world is interested in people of the same sex/not interested in marrying anyone.

      Oh wait, I forgot–a female is only worth something if she has a man. Silly me.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:29 am   rating: +26  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Kinsey

      Why does she assume that Laura’s going to get married to a man?

      Oh, probably because realizing that girls leave notes like these will have disillusioned her from the female species.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:33 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   aaa

      Yay, I love reading way too far into shit to find things that I want to be offended by! We all know that people never do the mentally lazy thing and generalize what the majority does to everyone simply because they don’t want to put out the effort to list all the options someone could choose.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:38 am   rating: +34  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   mamason bang

      a female is only worth something if she has a man.

      That is silly. Your true measure of worth as a female is in how many men you have. I feel the same way about my men as I do my posts on PAN… Quantity before quality. Big numbers, ladies. Big numbers. Whoever dies with more boys, wins.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:42 am   rating: +53  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   Canthz_B bang

      The gay marriage thread is a-ways back.
      Been there, done that. :roll:

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:45 am   rating: +7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   TheOldSchool bang

      CB,

      I learn more about you everyday. Who was the lucky fella?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:51 am   rating: +11  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.10   warinthepocket

      Sheila, make me a sandwich.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:26 am   rating: +9  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.11   Canthz_B bang

      Don’t pretend that you were that drunk, TOS.
      You said you’d never been so thoroughly reamed, and now act as if it were all a dream. :roll:

      Honestly! I’m hurt! :cry:

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:30 am   rating: +7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.12   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Sorry, I just love that “Sheila, make me a sandwich” came between CB and TOS responses. Somehow, it just seems so American domestic.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:57 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.13   Lorelie

      Naw, if it were American domestic it would have been “Sheila, make me a sandwich. And bring me a Natural Light.”

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:21 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.14   dawn

      I had a majoring defining moment about a year after getting married; I was 9mos pregnant; had been on my feet in an operating room for 12+ hours; it was Saturday; my husband had been home all day, waiting for me to come home and cook and clean; when I stated that I was too tired and that he could have done something, he actually said (whined) to me “Well, if you’re not going to cook and clean and take care of me, Why did I get married?” oh. bad bad bad.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:34 am   rating: +32  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.15   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      sorry.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.16   Ravenlynne

      Dawn: This husband of yours still lives?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 10:30 am   rating: +16  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.17   Mishee™ bang

      I am sure if he does still live, it is chained up in the basement, only to see the light of day to take out the garbage, clean the bathroom, and pleasure his wife…

      My question is, if you are 9 mo pregnant, why in the hell did you spend 12+ hrs in the OR? I mean, they do offer maternity leave at the hospital, right??

      Apr 9, 2009 at 10:36 am   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.18   Ravenlynne

      Well, aren’t taking out the garbage, cleaning the bathroom and pleasuring his wife all the same thing? I’ve got newborn twins and if my husband threw out even a coke can without having to be asked, I’d probably orgasm on the spot.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 11:10 am   rating: +18  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.19   TheOldSchool bang

      CB,

      All I remember about it is how, for the first time in my life, I was truly happy to just BE. There was no need to rush off and do anything. The desert sunrise was spectacular that morning, in keeping with the dawning of a new day in the way I look at life.

      Later in the day, I went home to shower and discovered the flag.

      CB, when the picnic is over, be kind, rewind, and please place all used prophylactics into the container of potato and then remember to give it a good stir.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:17 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.20   N/A

      I’m the wife, I do all the cleaning. My husband is at the office working all day, I’m at home raising the kids and making the house nice for my family. Just another day in paradise.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:47 pm   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.21   Mishee™ bang

      Or Pleasantville from the way you describe it N/A….

      At least now I don’t wonder where you got your screen name…

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:50 pm   rating: +7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.22   N/A

      Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. It’s a great life. Harder than sticking the kids in daycare and going out to work to be sure but way more rewarding.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 3:52 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.23   not me!

      @N/A:

      I would like to direct you to STFU, Marrieds

      Just wondering. Yawn.

      ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:17 pm   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.24   not me!

      frack, that “Just wondering.” was left over from an (obviously) incomplete edit.

      N/A, please disregard that part, but please do visit the site.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.25   KeyChain

      [...] they do offer maternity leave at the hospital, right ??[...]

      Yeah… but usually you need to have the baby FIRST.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.26   Beanster bang

      @ Ravenlynn: I’m the same way.

      “Boyfriend, since I made you dinner with the groceries I paid for do you think you could do the dishes?”

      (next morning)

      “Why didn’t you do the dishes? You said you would.”
      “I did.”
      “You didn’t do the cups or the frying pan.”
      “Oh. Those are part of the dishes?”

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:53 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.27   RP

      @kellif: How do you even know it’s an assumption? Maybe the note writer just knows that Laura is straight.

      Apr 10, 2009 at 9:09 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.28   N/A

      STFU marrieds doesn’t apply here. It’s all about people simpering or over-sharing or whatever on facebook. Talking about a career choice isn’t simpering.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 7:33 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.29   not me!

      Implying that you’re superior, hardworking, or whatever for making that “career choice” is pretty close, actually.

      There are others out there who have been where you are and beyond, who know better (myself included).

      Apr 13, 2009 at 7:02 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.30   Stephanie

      Just proving what an asshat she is. Knock on the girl’s bedroom and ask politely if she would like to sign up on a cleaning schedule. The girl is a ****ing passive-aggressive whore, and she needs sucker-punched in the face. Such a note is never called for. Knock on the door and talk. Or write “please clean the bathroom.” this bullshit is uncalled for, period.

      May 9, 2009 at 5:53 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   plausibletheories bang

    What, no mention of Laura’s rocket pubes? Sorry, this is not anal-retentive enough for my standards.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 8:57 pm   rating: +24  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Reeses Lover Lover

      Agreed. In addition, why wasn’t this typed in caps? Where are all the exclamation points??

      Apr 8, 2009 at 9:34 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   aaa

      No rainbow text, inconsistent bolding/italicizing/spacing, or references to Jesus, either. But +30 points for blaming the parents.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:21 am   rating: +16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Beanster bang

    * Imagines a world as a mini-person living in a hair brush. Loves this world *

    Apr 8, 2009 at 8:57 pm   rating: +31  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Beanster,

      I had a dream where Prince Charles and I were slightly smaller than we are now, and we were living together on one of Camilla Parker-Bowles’s tampons.

      It wasn’t an ideal situation, but we made the best of it.

      One day we were chillin’ on the pon, smoking a joint of some primo royal weed, and I decided it was time to get something off my chest.

      He was holding a big toke for as long as he could, when I surprised him by looking him directly in his reddened, sad, freshly kicked bloodhound eyes, and told him that I held him personally responsible for the tragic death of his first wife, the late Princess Diana.

      “Why is it my fault, TOS?” He sulked. “She was with Dodi Fayed in Paris on the night her car crashed.”

      I took the joint, held it to my rosy lips, then shook my head slowly, to hint at my dissatisfaction with the lameness of his response. Next, in order to completely hammer my point home, I exhaled a massive cloud of smoke into his quizzical face.

      “Look,” I said. “What’s done is done. Nobody can go back in time, so what I’m about to tell you is for future reference only, O.K.”

      “Of course, TOS, of course.”

      “Here’s the deal, Your Highness,” I said with a knowing wink. “When you and Di agreed to divorce, you should have stuck to the honorable traditions of all the royals who have come before you.”

      He stared at me blankly, his ears now appearing to be the most normal looking aspect of his face. He was handsome, in an oddly, outwardly inbred sort of way.

      “Charles, one day you will be King.”

      “I know,” he giggled. It’s a pissah, innit?”

      I wasn’t detoured by his girlish charms.

      “Had you stuck to English tradition, Charles, your ex-wife would never have been with in Paris with Dodi Fayed on that horrible night in 1997. The world would not have endured the double tragedy of the fatal car crash, which was cruelly followed by that awful Elton John bastardization of his 1973 non-hit: “Goodbye Norma Jean.”

      He stared at me mouth agape, arms akimbo. Drool forming a bridge, linking his lower lip to the roach he was holding in his left hand.

      He flashed momentarily into consciousness.

      “I’m sorry, TOS, but should I have forbidden her from ever leaving our green and pleasant land?”

      “No.” I said. “You should have had beheaded in the Tower.”

      “You’re probably right,” he said, somberly.

      “I know I am, Charles. Think of it. She died with a freak named ‘Dodi.’ How fucking embarrassing is that? Dodi. It sounds like something a hobo does in his trousers.”

      Charles smiled. “Dodi,” he said softly. “Sounds like the name of one of me mum’s ass pickles.”

      Right then, a giant calloused hand reach down and grabbed the bow of the pon. Sensing imminent death, I leapt to safety. Charles, waved one of his poncey little waves, and hollered, “Ta, TOS.”

      As I gazed skyward toward his final destination, the reality of the situation hit me hard. “Bloody, hell,” I said to myself, “that was some sweet weed.”

      In the days that followed, Charles texted me several times to come and join him in the bloody cave. I just forwarded his messages to Halley’s grandfather, Lou.

      Something tells me that Lou’s advanced senior technology ID’d where Charles was writing from, and Lou opted to remain in Idaho.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:43 pm   rating: +33  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   GK

      TOS’s tale was alright, but Claw’s ones are better. Rambled a bit. Overall I’d give it a 7/10.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 4:43 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Well, sure, if ramblin’ is a penalty, Claw’s always going to win. Rambling is old school, old school is rambling. Claw is sharp, sharp is claw. Why can’t we all just get along?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:00 am   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   GK

      Well, the rest of the scoring panel might feel differently. Let’s go over to the studio now to see what Mishee™ has to say.

      <turns to face off-camera, expectantly>

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:21 am   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Resident Grammarian esq bang

      I see where you’re coming from Simon, but but TOS I see your heart, and and I think you look lovely tonight. Don’t you think so audience? So bravo!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:22 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Mishee does seem conspicuously absent, no?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   anglophile bang

      I think TOS is better the quicker he is and claw is better the longer he takes.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:44 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   anglophile bang

      And give Mishee a break. It’s not even 6 am where she lives.

      (That’s San Francisco in case you’ve never heard)

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:58 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.9   Canthz_B bang

      I agree with anglo’s assessment…but I’d like to review GK’s credentials as a PAN-judge. :-)

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:06 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.10   Mishee™ bang

      Ummm…. 3/10

      First of all, I do not believe that Camilla hasn’t already experienced menopause, and if she hasn’t I sure as hell don’t want to think about her bloody tampon. Leave that to the lead singer of L7…

      Secondly, it was wayyyyyyyy too fucking long, and made me want a joint…

      And thirdly, “Goodbye Norma Jean” isn’t even the name of the fucking song, and the original made it to #11, the live remake in 1986 made it to #6, and the Diana remake made it to #1. So how does that make it a non-hit?

      Personally I think that a 3/10 is a generous score on my part…

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:35 am   rating: +6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.11   mamason bang

      I ♥ TOS because he pulls my hair when we’re doing it doggie style.

      I ♥ claw because he smacks my ass when we’re doing it doggie style.

      I ♥ doggie style.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 11:29 am   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.12   Mishee™ bang

      You need to do what I did mama, and find a man that will do all of that…

      I mean, its just so confusing remembering what nights you have with which guy, its alot easier to consolidate and just find yourself a freak…

      Apr 9, 2009 at 11:37 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.13   Frankie bang

      I concur.. It’s a solid 3 out of who gives a fucking rat’s ass. The points only come from its dependability for being long and sleep inducing. Screw Ambien.

      Take TOS thirty minutes before bed time for a somewhat peaceful nights rest.
      Please be ready to devote a full 17 to 20 hours to sleep. Do not take TOS anywhere remotely close to heavy machinery. TOS is absolutely not habit forming. Typical side effects of TOS include itchy watery eyes, to the point you want to scratch them out of your skull, depression, seizures, severe migraines accompanied by mild diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting. Anal seepage and death have occurred in less than 15 percent of reported cases. Self mutilation while sleep walking has been reported in cases of overdose. Not to be taken with alcohol or in conjunction with any other medication. Please tell your doctor if you are nursing or pregnant as TOS may cause severe birth defects in unborn children.

      Beat the shit out of your night with a little help from TOS.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 11:48 am   rating: +12  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.14   Mishee™ bang

      Well, that explains the anal seepage….

      Apr 9, 2009 at 11:58 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.15   mamason bang

      I have to say that I find this trend of zeroing in on one person and attacking repeatedly to be really off putting. With all of the nasty, outrageous, fucked-up comments that we all make here, I don’t understand how any one person becomes a target. This just feels like bullying to me. This is supposed to be fun and sometimes it feels like the mean girls in highschool are roaming the halls.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:27 pm   rating: +15  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.16   MAMARILLA2 bang

      When you put a group of chickens together for any length of time, they always find one weak chicken to peck to death..Social Darwinism, more or less.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:32 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.17   mamason bang

      It makes me sad. :-(

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:34 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.18   Mishee™ bang

      mama, were you home schooled? (jokes!)

      I love you more than I probably should, but when said person targets everyone else, they in turn, make themselves a target for retaliation…

      *slips a finger in a “special place” in hopes to make mama not sad*

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:35 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.19   mamason bang

      :lol: No, I wasn’t homeschooled. I was the target. I like to think it was because I was already so damn smart and good-looking that it was the only way the bitch-clique could feel good about themselves. It helps when I see them now with their gaggles of children, all with different daddys, as I’m dropping off donations at the homeless shelter.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:46 pm   rating: +6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.20   Mishee™ bang

      I was also the target.

      Hell, I was a target (and still am on occasion) when I first came on PAN.

      But being the youngest in my family and the target at school helped make me great at retaliation and survival skills. It didn’t hurt that my mama passed down her sarcastic wit and “don’t take shit attitude” either…

      I don’t let anyone push me around… except Mister Mishee and RunBarbara… but I like it when they do it! :D

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:52 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.21   mamason bang

      And point taken, Mishee. TOS doesn’t need me to defend him. He’s a big boy. *trust me. I know.*

      8-O Mishee ♥ You always know what I need. :twisted:

      We’re like bonobo chimps. Any conflict can be resolved with a well placed finger. :lol: *A little more to the right.*

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:53 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.22   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason, (re: 8:11),

      I’m sorry. I didn’t know you liked getting slapped on the ass.

      (Claw warned me: “Whatever you do, don’t ever slap Mamason’s ass!)

      I can’t help but think that he’s either VERY forgetful, or else he’s trying to get mamason to associate “orgasmic bliss” with “Claw.”

      I’ve got news for you, Claw. I can slap and pull hair at the same time!

      Now if I can just do both of those activities simultaneously while riding bareback, it should make for a pleasant evening.

      (CB: call me. I’ve got a couple of questions I’d like to run by you.)

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:03 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.23   Woman on the Verge bang

      But, Frankie, the only way I can take TOS is in conjunction with copious amounts of alcohol and medication….

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.24   mamason bang

      I couldn’t tell you, TOS. It’s impossible to talk with that ball gag in my mouth.

      Call me, OK?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:10 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.25   TheOldSchool bang

      Claw,

      It may interest you to know that, at the college I attended (a community clown technical training Institute), my classmates actually called me, “Slappy.”

      (Although they spelled it “Slappee,” due to technical considerations concerning who was slapping and who was getting slapped.)

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:18 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.26   Mishee™ bang

      Personally I always associate “orgasmic bliss” with “Claw”….

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.27   Frankie bang

      Am I missing something here? I never saw Claw anywhere in thread number 8. Maybe TOS is predicting the future and Claw will join this thread soon. Or, because he’s not the type to give a flying fuck, he won’t..

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.28   Mishee™ bang

      claw is always on TOS’s mind frankie. For one of two possible reasons: he is claw incognito or he is threatened by claw’s superiority.

      I’m thinking its the latter.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.29   Frankie bang

      oh.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.30   TheOldSchool bang

      Frankie,

      Every time you post a comment, it serves as a poignant reminder to the rest of us of an ongoing American crises.

      I am, of course, referring to the lack of proper funding for education in our nation’s trailer park communities.

      On behalf of Sally Struthers and myself, I’m making a special plea to all PAN readers to:

      PLEASE donate to The Frankie Fund.

      It’s obviously too late for Frankie and her siblings, but there are new litters being born every day.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 5:06 pm   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.31   Sirius bang

      An crises? Try not to slam the door on your own dick, TOS.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 5:12 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.32   TheOldSchool bang

      Re: 8:10,

      Eeyore! God damn it! I told you to keep Mishee away from the bong!

      Look, I know you get busy doing your thing, but from your vantage point you can see what she puts in her mouth.

      Living as she does in a perpetual bong fog, she’s lost the ability to differentiate dreams from reality.

      I know you’re depressed, Eeyore. I’m working on getting a replacement for you, but all the other donkeys claim they’re booked up.

      Look at the bright side. At least you’re getting paid three times the going rate for this ordeal.

      Yes, we’ll cover all medical expenses for any and all STDs she gives you.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 5:21 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.33   TheOldSchool bang

      Re: 8:15,

      Mamason, I think you’re wrong about the mean girls thing. The mean girls were hot-looking.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 5:25 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.34   Sirius bang

      I’ve noticed that “the School” is sometimes a stuffy academe filled with pedantic English Lit majors; sometimes it is a ’special’ School for obnoxious boys who haven’t learned to control all their body parts yet; and, quite frequently, appears to be a School for simpering Internet brats who are jealous of the attention that the big kids get.

      C’mon, TOS, choose one of your personalities and stick with it! I mean, I’m a rude asshole, but I’m a dependable asshole; you can always count on me to be there when you don’t want me.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 5:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.35   Anniee451

      “*slips a finger in a “special place” in hopes to make mama not sad*”

      O..m..g.. I can’t tell if I’m disturbed or excited – it’s so confusing.

      This thread is totally bizarre, but that one stood out :D

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:11 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.36   GK bang

      Oh man, there was a “You’re like the mean girls at school” comment and I missed it! Curse these tired old man eyes!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:40 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.37   TheOldSchool bang

      Sirius,

      To be honest, I was wondering three things about you:

      1) Why we kept you around?

      Then, poof! There you appeared as “Typo Boy!”
      Well-spotted.

      2) Just how bad an acne problem has to be to prevent a fellow from ever getting laid? I mean, you’re good at spotting typos, for heaven’s sake! Chicks dig that.

      Granted, while your acne-scarred face must be a nuisance to you, there are lots of guys with the same problem who, nonetheless, did quite well with the ladies. (Bukowski springs to mind.)

      Then it hit me! It’s your personality.

      3) Why do I always feel like smoking a cigar whenever I see one of your comments?

      *Theme from Jeopardy*

      When I try to envision you in your surroundings, I have difficulty getting a definite vision. It’s dark. It’s dank. It’s damp. It’s …. clammy.

      Then, once again, it came to me. The reason I feel like smoking a cigar when I see one of your comments is because you remind me of a human humidor.

      P.S., you might want to get rid of those wadded up, semen-saturated white crew socks that are spilling out from under your bed. They’re whiffy.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:47 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.38   Mishee™ bang

      Sirius – after a few seasons you begin to learn when Spring Break, Christmas Break, and Summer Break are… and then you just start to ignore the kids.

      I do miss those little + boxes next to a commenter name… what happened to those?

      Eerac?!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.39   TheOldSchool bang

      Mish,

      Good job on the dream Elton John stats.

      (Something tells me you didn’t even have to look them up. It must be one of those suburban things.)

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:57 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.40   TheOldSchool bang

      Re: 8.7:

      Anglophile, I’ll borrow a line from mamason, and reply: “That’s not what you were saying last night.”

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:02 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.41   anglophile bang

      You must have me confused with someone else, TOS. I’m pure as the driven snow–ask anyone.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:29 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.42   PANU bang

      I can verify that ‘glo is indeed pure as the driven snow, and will testify to such before witnesses.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.43   TheOldSchool bang

      Glo,

      No doubt. But snow, after it’s been driven on, isn’t that pure anymore.

      Tires come from tire stores. These stores have restrooms. The restrooms have doors and toilets.

      Glo, here’s what you do:

      Don’t blame it on sunshine,
      Don’t blame it on moonlight,
      Don’t blame it on good times,
      Blame it on the fecal-mist contaminated snow tires….

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:39 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.44   PANU bang

      Um, TOS, not to be contentious in any way, but the snow is driven by the wind as it falls. It isn’t driven upon by anything. There are no tires.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:46 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.45   TheOldSchool bang

      So, PANU, if I’m understanding you correctly, you’re suggesting that the snow is chauffeured to the ground by the wind.

      OK, then. Three questions: What kind of automobiles does the wind drive? What kind of automobiles have no tires? Have you been getting into Mishee’s stash?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:01 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.46   PANU bang

      I believe only the last of your questions deserves an answer. I personally try very hard to avoid things that kill off brain cells. I would recommend you do the same as you seem to be in deeper need than most of us. Mish has cells to spare, you do not.

      *must not feed the troll – must resist*

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.47   Canthz_B bang

      Wind? Cars? That’s not how I drive Glo’s snow-whiteness! :twisted:

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:42 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.48   anglophile bang

      Look, people, I don’t think you understand.

      I own multiple cats. I knit. I have been described as having a good personality. I have decorative hand towels.

      Jeez. What more proof do you people need?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:47 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.49   Canthz_B bang

      I’ll say! Your (ehem)…”personality”…is a marvel of nature!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 10:33 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.50   TheOldSchool bang

      Panu says: “Mish has [brain] cells to spare, you do not.”

      TOS replies: “Well, fuckstick, there goes your credibility.”

      ***

      Panu says: “Um, TOS, not to be contentious in any way, but….”

      TOS replies: “Would you mind taking a step or two back. Your breath wreaks of hobo ejaculate, you groveling little wormanoid.”

      Panu says: “*must not feed the troll – must resist*”

      TOS replies: “Listen, fucktard, if I ever want to hear any of your cloying, simpering, holier-than-thou, weasel words, I’ll let you know by jiggling my zipper. ”

      TOS makes a note to self:

      “*must not feed the pissy-pantied-panu. must resist*”

      Well, that’s just a pee-rific idea!

      Apr 10, 2009 at 4:42 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.51   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason (8.24),

      You look so cute in a ball-gag.

      You are the kit to my kaboodle.

      By the way, I’ve decided I’m going to stop wearing my ear-gags.

      There’s a bit of a Mickey Mouse vibe with them that subtracts, rather than adds, to the proceedings.

      I think they even make my voice sound higher, but that just could be from how hard you’ve been squeezing my balls…..

      You’ll pay for that, next time.

      Apr 11, 2009 at 2:19 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.52   flying fish

      what is an ass pickle?

      Jul 23, 2009 at 2:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.53   Canthz_B bang

      I’ll show you.

      Come over here and look into this mirror… :lol:

      Jul 23, 2009 at 4:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   jfruh

    That last bit about “great practice” is obviously incorrect. When Laura can finally find her own place, she will be happily living in her own filth, as will whatever slob-husband she manages to woo into her hair-clogged shower.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 8:59 pm   rating: +13  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   TheOldSchool bang

      jfruh,

      I think you’re right. All we can do is sit back and cluck like disgruntled hens, shake our heads slowly and sadly, maybe throw in a few tut-tut-tuts, followed by a heavy, exasperated sigh.

      Newlyweds……

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:46 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   lightspeed

    What kind of showers does she take if she looks forward to them all day? :)

    Maybe that’s the real problem, the messiness is ruining her special alone time….

    Apr 8, 2009 at 9:08 pm   rating: +40  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   ClearlyDemented

      Seriously. No wonder she’s so PA if the most exciting thing in her day is cleaning herself, something most of us do as a mindless chore. I think I enjoy sleep more.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:06 pm   rating: +9  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Edon

      Then obviously you aren’t taking the right kind of showers, ClearlyD….

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:54 am   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   mamason bang

      It’s all about the handheld shower head.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:58 am   rating: +16  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      I enjoy sleeping in the shower, especially on Monday mornings after drinking too much beer and soju on Sunday night!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:43 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Anniee451

      “It’s all about the handheld shower head.”

      Set to pulsate. Once you have one, you never go back. Last time I moved, first thing that went in was the showerhead and the television. Because I have my priorities straight LOL

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:13 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   TheOldSchool bang

      I hope you bought a waterproof television.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:49 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   Anniee451

      I wish you’d been there to warn me before I used it.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:57 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.8   TheOldSchool bang

      But not TOO early either. Just in time to unplug, relax, and unwind.

      Apr 10, 2009 at 11:01 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.9   Sirius bang

      I installed a Water-Prik shower massager, and it has my wife climbing the walls. Shoulda got the hand-held.

      Apr 10, 2009 at 2:40 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   lightspeed

    I love how some roommates think that just because no one ever has said anything to them it’s totally cool to never ever do any cleaning in a shared area. No really, people LOVE to clean the bathroom, they love it so much they rush to do it before you get a chance. They really want the toilet scrubbing all to themselves, I’m sure.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 9:14 pm   rating: +28  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Laura (not the one who sent in this note)

    I lived in a dorm with 4 girls and our communal bath got cleaned… once every couple months? I swept every couple weeks and that was all that it really needed. Unless you’re total pigs, it’s not like bathrooms get THAT dirty.
    So basically, I’m on Laura’s side here. And not just because she has the same name as me.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 9:14 pm   rating: +19  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Canthz_B bang

      Laura, the reason your bathroom didn’t “get THAT dirty” is because you all cleaned up after yourselves reasonably well.
      Apparently the submitter is not very good at that.

      If you treat your home bathroom like a public restroom, it will get just as dirty as a public restroom. Do you think they just sweep those every few weeks and that’s it?

      Apr 8, 2009 at 9:23 pm   rating: +10  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      I still think that the main benefit of dorm life is to teach brats that the entire world is not your mother!

      Apr 8, 2009 at 9:26 pm   rating: +17  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   anglophile bang

      I lived in a dorm with 4 girls and our communal bath got cleaned… once every couple months? I swept every couple weeks and that was all that it really needed.

      Words fail me.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 9:54 pm   rating: +27  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   agatha christie

      Laura (not the one who sent in this note), I was in the same boat as you. I lived with six other girls and five of us shared a bathroom (the one girl living on the first floor had her own bathroom) and we might have cleaned it once a month because that’s all it needed. However, I have also lived in an apartment with one other girl who never cleaned the bathroom and had hair down to her waist… guess who did the unclogging of the shower every three weeks.

      I’m Team on the Fence. It’s only common courtesy to clean up after yourself and pitch in (even if you feel like it “never got to that point”). But then again, if you’ve got such a problem with your roommate’s lack of consideration but never confront it, don’t expect a sudden change in behavior when you let it carry on for the better part of a school year and finally post your chagrin in some whiny piece of passive aggressiveness.

      I’m willing to bet Laura isn’t going to pick up that Clorox or toilet scrubber for the remainder of the semester.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 10:06 pm   rating: +13  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   anglophile bang

      Look, I am by no stretch of the imagination a neat freak. Dust rhinoceroses live under my bed. Things grow mold in my refrigerator and it sometimes takes me a week to put away my clean laundry.

      But you spit in the sink. You wash off your dirt and shave in the shower. You throw all sorts of disgusting things in the garbage can, and we all know what you do in the toilet.

      Believe me when I say to you, the bathroom does get dirty.

      Team Clean The Bathroom Once A Week. It only takes a half-hour, for pity’s sake.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 10:19 pm   rating: +38  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   Mortal Light

      I’m with Anglophile. Though the bathroom may not look dirty, a lot of things get doe in the shower. You should give every surface a little scrub about once a week.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 10:33 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   Canthz_B bang

      Once every few months?

      BOY! That’s a lot of accumulated fecal mist deposits!! 8-O

      Weren’t things a bit, er..sticky in there?

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:02 pm   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   agatha christie

      You know CB, I can’t recall anything sticky from accumulated fecal mists. I do speculate, though, that my roommates had sticky things in their rooms from all the passion-filled noises I heard coming from all their rooms at one time or another. Such is the risk of living with sorority girls.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:18 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      I grew up on a cow farm in western Kentucky (go ahead, have your funnies, udder nonsense). Anyway, one of my tween/teen chores was sweeping out the stalls every couple of weeks. That’s all it needed.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:49 pm   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.10   TheOldSchool bang

      GR,

      In other words, you know exactly what it’s like to lather yourself up in KY.

      I’ll bet you DO have the stories.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:00 am   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.11   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      I guess I was too subtle. What I meant was that sweeping out the cow stalls once every two weeks was enough . . . if your bathroom is the equivalent of a cow stall, then once every fortnight is enough.
      Yeah, I’m from country USA and I said fortnight. Wanna make something of it?
      And for the unenlightened who have never been around a cow stall . . . once the smell gets into your nostrils, it never really leaves your brain.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:48 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.12   Wade bang

      It is a little known fact that Heracles was actually given a choice for his fifth labor: clean the stables of Augeas in a single day… or a bathroom shared by four college coeds.

      Greek mythology records that he chose wisely.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:23 am   rating: +22  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.13   anglophile bang

      +40 for using Heracles instead of Hercules.

      I like the Greeks better than the Romans.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:47 am   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.14   zebra

      A public restroom is cleaner than an ice dispenser on a soda machine.

      The reason why is because the bathrooms are cleaned daily whereas the ice dispenser not.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:40 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.15   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Where the fuck are the public bathrooms you’re talking about? I’ve been on three continents on two levels (rural and urban) and have never found bathrooms that are cleaned daily.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:53 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.16   Ravenlynne

      WTF are people doing on those ice dispensers?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 10:38 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.17   N/A

      It’s the stuff you can’t see that you have to worry about. My bathrooms never look dirty but I still give them a proper clean once a week because it’s unhygienic to leave them for ages. Cleaning a bathroom every 2 months is just disgusting. If I were your friend I’d be making sure I peed before visiting and then I’d leave before I needed to go again.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:42 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.18   Beanster bang

      * shudder *

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:30 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

    Amanda Please! (Sorry for the Nickolodean shoutout.)
    Laura needs to get her head screwed on before the fecal mist really hits the fan. First, cleaning the bathroom every two weeks is not neat-freak behavior.
    But even more so — as a happily-married husband who NEVER “cleans” the bathroom . . . there’s a big difference between putting on the rubber gloves and opening the bleach, and simply bending the fuck over to pick your own hair out of the shower drain! Even I know that! Same thing with toothpaste in the sink (I won’t touch it, but I will keep running water on it until it dissolves), and I can only assume it’s the same thing with wiping up your spilled cosmetics.
    Jeez, Laura, what kind of pig are you? Do the frat guys all chase after you just one night a year?

    Apr 8, 2009 at 9:24 pm   rating: +15  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Canthz_B bang

      Exactly! Not leaving a mess behind yourself is not the same as cleaning the bathroom. But leaving a mess behind yourself makes you a disgusting pig. Even more so when you share the bathroom. And even more than that when you think it’s funny.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 9:35 pm   rating: +16  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   TheOldSchool bang

      CB,

      How would one’s views on the humor of the situation have any impact on the cleanliness of the bathroom?

      I’m assuming, of course, that the young woman doesn’t have any medical conditions where laughter somehow triggers an involuntary spurt of projectile vomiting.

      If so, I pray she never sees my penis.

      (I washed it last week, so I still have another week of free time.)

      Apr 8, 2009 at 10:30 pm   rating: +9  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Canthz_B bang

      Um, it doesn’t. That’s the point. She should stop with the OMG! She’s such a neat freak!, and start with the OMG, I didn’t realize I was such a slob!.

      Not that I think this note will do it, mind you.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 10:45 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      And her mother let her get away with this at home? OMG if you don’t pick up after yourself in my house you don;t get fed, and I am not a neat freak.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   sarah

    coming from a self proclaimed neat freak..cleaning once every two weeks is not neatfreak. Its called cleaning for the sake of being sanitary. I share a house with three other girls i know how much hair can accumulate in a house. And we have two washrooms, i can only imagine one washroom between four. Laura needs to get off her ass and clean

    Apr 8, 2009 at 9:34 pm   rating: +11  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Sarah,

      If the four of you showered together, you’d spend 75% less time cleaning.

      I might be able to be persuaded to drop by your house and share some of my other ideas with you hot young coeds.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 10:07 pm   rating: +11  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      According to campus security logs, you’ve already been dropping by 4.3 times per week.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:52 pm   rating: +10  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Grimfool,

      You seem to never miss an opportunity to promote your stool-samples collection business. I don’t begrudge you — just stay out of urine. I’m Number One in Urine, and I aim to stay that way. Don’t get me pissed.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:17 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      At the risk of writing stupid . . . huh?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:03 am   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   subito

    if I were Laura it would never be cleaned….I wouldn’t mind doing the cleaning but after being given a note like that…screw ‘em

    Apr 8, 2009 at 9:56 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   TheOldSchool bang

    Totty potty cat fight!

    Let the scratchin’ begin.

    When is PAN going get hip to video? This kind of shit is pay-per-view gold. (Kerry: call me.)

    Apr 8, 2009 at 9:56 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Mishee™ bang

      I’m starting to think that The Old School is just another login that claw got for when he doesn’t really have anything that funny to say…

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:49 am   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Julie F

    “Or with your husband”?

    What the fuck is that about. Maybe she thinks that once you’re married, you’re going to have to keep the bathroom clean, or your husband will write you pissy little notes about it.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 9:57 pm   rating: +16  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   TheOldSchool bang

      I agree with you, Julie F. Why does she start off the letter moaning about the lack of cleanliness in the communal bathroom, and then veer completely off track with a rant about marital masturbation?

      I’ll bet she’s a divorcee. She’s seen a thing or two, and learned her lesson the hard way.

      Now, she wants to wise these pigeons up with a dose of her hard-learned lessons in a class called Reality 1o1. (I’ll bet she makes them all shave their pubes tonight! I would!)

      Apr 8, 2009 at 10:19 pm   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Mishee™ bang

      Funny thing is I married a man with a son.

      Guess who gets to clean the bathroom now?

      Hint: Its not me.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:50 am   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      I married a woman with a son and a daughter. Guess who cleaned the bathroom? It wasn’t me.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:56 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   Sirius bang

      I live alone.

      Guess who cleans the bathroom?

      Hint: It’s not me.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:25 pm   rating: +22  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Wade bang

    “…but there are other poopie in this sink with you”??!??

    Ohhh! “people” “suite”

    Must rage always lead to poor penmanship?

    Apr 8, 2009 at 10:09 pm   rating: +6  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Wade bang

      “We _ried _o wai_ i_ou_ _o see how long i_ would _ake you guys _o clean, bu_ _o no avail, i_ reached a deplorable level _ha_ we did no_ wan_ anyone else _o have _o look a_ when _hey came over.”

      I’d like a T, Pat.

      Wow! Look at that! 20 T’s!

      I’d like to solve the puzzle…

      Apr 8, 2009 at 10:19 pm   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Louisa

      I thought the same thing as Wade. No need to shrink down too much for hairbrush world if you are already small enough to be living in a suit.

      Apr 10, 2009 at 2:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Anniee451

      Yeah, what the hell was up with that “in your hairbrush” thing? That was really weird. I mean, Team Amanda and all, but seriously, that was weird.

      Apr 10, 2009 at 2:37 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Kristen

    i live in a dorm with girls who leave stuff everywhere (PAINT in the showers, open boxes of sugar sitting out, makeup everywhere, cereal bowls in the bathroom that i assume they were going to ‘wash later’)

    so this note…. sounds totally reasonable to me.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 10:13 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Beanster bang

      that’s weird. i’ve heard of sugar scrubs, but dorm-honeys need to learn that Domino’s and Cherry-Flavoured Honey scrub is different.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    I blame Title IX.

    Hey! They could make Home Economics a varsity sport. Then girls (and some special boys) from across the land would be motivated to get good at cookin’ ‘n cleanin’ n’ sewin’ n’ such in hopes of someday landing a job in the pros (the Home and Garden Channel)!

    Apr 8, 2009 at 10:35 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   anglophile bang

      Speaking as one who has in fact been in the pro leagues for cleaning, I have to say the signing bonuses suck and the endorsements are non-existant.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 10:53 pm   rating: +7  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      But . . . I bought Purell because you told me to!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:40 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Hate to tell you this, CB, but it’s called “Title 9,” not “Title IX.” I think you’ve confused it with the one of the line-item extras on our hotel bill.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.4   Mishee™ bang

      TOS – try googling before opening your damn mouth.

      Title 9 is a line of women’s athletic apparel (most likely named after the following), Title IX is an educational amendment to the constitution stating “No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance.”

      And just when I thought you couldn’t get any stupider…

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:32 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.5   N/A

      What Mishee said.

      Also, why on earth do so few schools offer home economics nowadays? When I was in HS it was required (cooking and sewing) for the first two years but even that was something of a rarity because most people my age wouldn’t have a clue how to operate a sewing machine and I know a lot of them can’t even boil an egg.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.6   Canthz_B bang

      Luckily I didn’t jump to respond, TOS.
      Mishee is correct.
      I’ve never even heard of the clothing line, but I know the law that’s helped get millions of girls and young women the funding they deserve to help cover the expenses of their athletic programs.
      It’s been law for like 35 years (give or take a few years, I’m too tired to google it right now…early 1970’s), where’ve you been?
      Oh…that unfortunate arrest, conviction and confinement thingie…sorry. :oops:

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:51 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Sarah

    I think if this roommate had mentioned it at least once before, then she’d have the right to get pissed off. I’ve lived with a complete moron who had to be nagged *every time it was her goddamn turn* to just take out the trash, and also had to be forced to clean her own vomit up…so uh, sounds like if Laura was a reasonable human being, this note would be a nasty move form an evil bitch. But if Laura possesses a single digit IQ like my former roommate (and her sister, who happens to be named Laura), then I’m surprised her roommate hasn’t snapped and made some serious murder.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 10:38 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Canthz_B bang

      I sort of with you, Sarah, but I can see why it would be frustrating to have to mention it at all.
      I know “it goes without saying” is a fallacy, but some things really should.
      If out of nothing more than common courtesy, if a roommate does a dirty chore, you should try to share that chore from time to time…unless you’re doing an equally dirty chore exclusively yourself.

      But then, I have a sense of fairness…damned Sun in Libra! :-)

      Apr 8, 2009 at 10:56 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   aaa

      Yes, but mayhap your sense of fairness is tipped greatly in your direction? ;)

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:12 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   Canthz_B bang

      That’s only fair, it is my sense after all!! :-P

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:16 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Sarah, which digit? Just curious. There’s a huge difference between 1 and 9, for instance.

      Less between 2 and 8.

      I don’t know, it just seems so random…. They’re just just shapes with names that we call “numbers.” The could be called “pookies,” and they’d still mean the same thing to me, i.e., the same thing as they do now.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:56 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   shel

    I don’t think this is all Laura’s fault… what about this 4th roomate? She is mentioned in the letter as a non-cleaner, but the letter is not directed at her…. Are all 3 of the other roomates bald? How is all of the hair Laura’s? Unless her hair is a completely different color (meaning dark brown/black vs all blondes etc) or if everybody else has super short hair, how do they know it’s all hers?? The same thing could go for the make up or the toothpaste… A more thorough investigation is necessary to form a solid opinion…

    I guess I kinda want to be on Laura’s side, since I’ve experienced the neat freak roomate who couldn’t abide an unwashed cereal bowl for more than 12 hours… if only PAN.com existed 6 years ago… the pictures I could have taken…

    I like ellipses…

    Apr 8, 2009 at 10:45 pm   rating: +6  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   aaa

      Maybe they did get lucky and everybody’s hair has a different color/length/texture. My three roommates and I all have very different hair, so I was thoroughly confused when long, dark brown hairs (when the only brown-haired roommate has medium-length hair) started creeping under my bedroom door and attempting to strangle my toes.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:04 pm   rating: +7  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Canthz_B bang

      Tries desperately not to determine how very many clearly distinct hair colors there are and then the odds that all four roomies have the same color hair.

      aahhhh, success!! ;-)

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   aaa

      I’ve seen it happen before. But then again, that was before the state banned human cloning and the lab got shut down.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:14 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   shel

      I’m not saying that there aren’t a lot of easily distinguishable hair colors out there, but with 4 girls with even slightly similar hair colors, or 2 of them with similar hair colors, it can all look the same in a clump in a drain or collecting around the nasty carpet because each girl takes a turn brushing their hair in front of the mirror each day. Especially if these are the typical college girls who all have highlights and multiple shades of hair color on each of their heads, and the same layered haircut it could be concievable that every piece of stray hair doesn’t belong to Laura…
      Unless said neat freak roomate cleans/inspects the bathroom prior to and after each time Laura uses it. Which is entirely possible… I had a roomate who would try to listen from her room to ensure everybody washed their hands, despite the fact that not everybody in the household needed the water on superblast (the only level audible outside the bathroom) to simply wash their hands.

      Team don’t have a roomate!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:48 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   TP

      I’ve never been called a neat freak and don’t see why you can’t wash a cereal bowl – or any bowl from which you’ve eaten – right away. It’s really not hard. You don’t even have to do that good of a job if you have a dishwasher.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:31 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   shel

      No, a cereal bowl is not a hard thing to wash, but isn’t it reasonable (in a house with no dishwasher) to rinse it out before leaving for class to then wash it more thoroughly in the evening with all of the dinner dishes?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 9:34 am   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.7   Bunnee

      Um, TP, I’m calling you a neat freak. If you have to wash dishes right away, you might have a problem.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 11:52 am   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.8   N/A

      Why would you leave a bowl sitting for 12 hours? Stick it in the dishwasher if you have one, squirt a little soap on a sponge and wipe it out if you don’t. It takes a matter of seconds and it means that bowl is then clean for someone else to use and it’s not taking up space on the counter.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:26 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.9   Sirius bang

      N/A, if I was your husband, I’d have two jobs.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:55 pm   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.10   N/A

      Because I think people should put a dirty dish in the dishwasher instead of leaving it sitting all day?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 3:55 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.11   shel

      Apparently I should have picked a better example than a cereal bowl (and don’t forget about the spoon!)… I didn’t realize not washing it immediately because I usually wanted to get to class on time and knew I would have more dishes to wash at the end of the day and no dishwasher to just stick it in was so offensive to non neat-freak people.
      I was just trying to say that I have lived with a crazy roomate who liked leaving PA notes about cleaning for the other 4 non-crazy roomies and that is my reasoning behind being more on Laura’s side without knowing all of the facts…

      And if I had only taken a matter of seconds to quickly wash said bowl, I’m sure I would have recieved another beautiful PA post-it about how the bowl wasn’t properly disinfected, or the water wasn’t hot enough or I didn’t use the correct sponging technique.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:17 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.12   N/A

      Be grateful it was just PA notes. I lived with a crazy OCD girl (straight bleach on the counters, couldn’t leave a pan soaking for 10 minutes while you ate dinner) and she favored violence. I’ve had pans thrown at me. Once she screamed at me for leaving a plate on the counter before realizing that it was actually her plate.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:15 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   aaa

    Here’s my prediction:

    Laura and Kelsey really are disgusting pigs, and Christin and Amanda truly do have the societally-accepted standard of cleanliness, but Christin’s and Amanda’s parents never taught them to actually tell people when they have a problem with them. Like their parents (either divorced or they just hate each other), they expect people to psychically divine their thoughts and get really pissed when others don’t cooperate with their ideas of how the world should work. Thus, Laura and Kelsey have no clue that their piggishness isn’t appreciated by their other roommates, and thus are baffled when the note appears.

    50% chance that Laura or Kelsey gets on here to clarify something we were supposed to divine from the invisible context in the note.

    30% chance that Christin or Amanda gets on here to defend themselves.

    15% chance of an all-out Pigs vs. Neat-freaks bitch-fest.

    94% chance that the situation is far more mundane than we would like it to be. :/

    Apr 8, 2009 at 11:01 pm   rating: +20  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   aaa

      Thus, I should thusly use “thus” twice in one sentence. Again. :/

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:22 pm   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Anniee451

      That still sounds like it would be fun. I hope they all come.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:43 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   Rose

      Having been in said room, Laura and Kelsey are typical college girls and the other two are ready to be 50’s housewives; yes, cleaning a shower every other week seems infrequent to many people who have husbands and wives or who wouldn’t consider themselves neat freaks, but honestly, at college, you would be considered a neat freak. I know that in the real world I would be considered slightly messy, but I’m actually very clean by university standards.
      It’s their own fault for setting a precedent by cleaning the bathroom every time they wanted it clean, rather than even hinting at the other two or casually saying, “hey, would you mind cleaning the bathroom this weekend? It’s starting to get a little gross.” It’s really very simple, and they were obviously aware that everyone had different comfort levels. I’ve both been told to clean pans in a very specific way and also had to constantly ride a roommate for leaving dishes hiding in corners of the room- but it never was really a problem because we told each other.
      Lack of communication -> Amanda was being passive aggressive.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 10:50 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Victor

    Foul, dude. Four women sharing a bathroom and it only gets cleaned every TWO WEEKS?! That’s so fucking nasty. With that many people that make that much mess sharing one bathroom, it should be cleaned once or twice EVERY WEEK. I don’t blame Laura’s suitemate at all; if you’re so foul that you don’t notice dirt and grime after that long, you have other issues inside your head that need sorting first. What the hell is Laura looking at instead, I wonder.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    To be fair, all things are relative.
    Maybe Laura was raised in a real hell-hole, and a little dried toothpaste in the basin, and hair extensions in the shower drain, are what she’s always imagined life at the Ritz-Carlton to be like.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 11:26 pm   rating: +5  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   mamason bang

    I just want to know how you can get into college without the ability to write legibly, in straight lines. I mean it’s not just crooked. It’s like rolling up and down crooked. Seriously! Was Amanda on a see-saw when she wrote this?

    Apr 8, 2009 at 11:27 pm   rating: +8  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   aaa

      Graphologists would have something profound to say about her psychological state when writing this, but since I’m not a graphologist, I’d just say that she’s a nutter.

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:37 pm   rating: +7  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Canthz_B bang

      Riding the mood swings?

      Teetering on the edge of sanity, tottering on the brink of madness?

      Flooded by a roller-coaster of emotions?

      Oh! What a slide from her usually studied calm!

      Could we all be just a swinging gate away from losing it?

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:39 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   Canthz_B bang

      No, just you, CB. :-|

      Beat ya to it! :-P

      Apr 8, 2009 at 11:51 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Maybe Amanda was hopping from one foot to the other: because she really had to pee, she’d been looking forward to this pee all day, but seeing Laura’s pee in the bowl ruined that special pee for her, and now she’s going to have to pee four times.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:00 am   rating: +15  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   Canthz_B bang

      That’s just golden, GR!

      Also, it answers comment #10. ;-)

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:51 am   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Moreover, CB, if you care to count, you’ll see exactly 8 p’s in my post, making it a P-8, which Old School mixes with vodka to make his Spuddy Marys. (Although, considering his Charles and Camilla post, maybe he prefers the original name!)

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:51 am   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.7   smiles

      Seriously I do not believe that the author of the note is a true neat freak bc if she was, her penmanship would have been MUCH better. I got motion-sickness just reading that up and down crap. I’m a slob and even my handwriting is prettier and at least STRAIGHT. She should spend less time fantasizing about nice showers and more time buying and using binder paper. Maybe even wide-ruled.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:20 am   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.8   Anniee451

      “Maybe Amanda was hopping from one foot to the other: because she really had to pee, she’d been looking forward to this pee all day, but seeing Laura’s pee in the bowl ruined that special pee for her, and now she’s going to have to pee four times.”

      FTW!

      That bit bothered me too. Why 4? That’s very specific, so what is it about that number that she believes would make the difference? If you take 5 showers in a filthy stall, do you get clean? It’s all such a mystery.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:52 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Mica

    If you’re leaving massive amounts of hair and makeup all over the bathroom for your roommates, maybe you SHOULD just clean it up for once! Nothing is more annoying than a vapid bitch who can’t clean up her own mess.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 11:40 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      A thumb for vapid bitch. Sounds poetic.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:43 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   you suck at craigslist

    When I lived in the dorms the guys down the hall used to save their pee, soak toilet paper rolls in it, and throw them at one another (or us) in the hallway.

    I would have LOVED for there to just be some hair in the drain every so often.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 11:40 pm   rating: +6  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      PLEASE tell us which university you went to, because this is something the fuck of which I have never heard. And I want to know who went to this university, so I can file restraining orders against each and every one.
      I’m a dirty old man with a conscience that won’t let me sleep at night, but . . . damn. That’s just way, way, way across the foul line.
      And if your university was in Kentucky, keep the fuck quiet. I’ll send you a check in the mail.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:56 am   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Grossed Out

      Seriously, it is your CIVIC DUTY to tell us where you went to school so we can avoid these nasty ass people.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   GhostWriter bang

      It was Yale. The Skull and Bones society is very much into urine-soaked toilet paper bombs.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:11 pm   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      You know . . . I could honestly believe that. After all, Dubya pissed on us for eight years.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 8:02 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.5   Canthz_B bang

      She didn’t say “school”. She said when she “lived in the dorms”.

      That small distinction may shed some light on this matter. ;-)

      Apr 9, 2009 at 10:00 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Kate

    On the fence with this one.

    I share a six person apartment, so things get dirty from time to time. I’m used to messy house, so I never notice until things start to get bad. One of the first things I did when I moved in was to tell my roommates that if they wanted me to help clean, all they needed to do was ask; if they didn’t I’d never realize there was an issue.

    So yeah, I think the roommate could have saved herself a good deal of cleaning if she’d just bothered to say, “Hey, do you guys mind cleaning the bathroom?” or if they’d worked out a cleaning schedule, or done something to indicate there was problem.

    On the other hand, unless the roommate is exaggerating, it sounds like Laura’s causing more than her fair share of the mess. Hair all over, make-up spills, toothpaste in the sink, etc. I understand that things just naturally tend to get dirty after a while, but she could do a better job of picking up after herself.

    Apr 8, 2009 at 11:51 pm   rating: +5  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   mamason bang

      I don’t get it. What kind of world do you live in that you have the attitude that someone needs to ask you to “help” keep your home clean. In my house, it’s clean as you go but if something does get left behind, there’s none of this, “it’s not mine” or “I didn’t leave it there.” If something needs to be picked up, put away or wiped clean… just do it. *oh. I just know there’s a joke about asses here somewhere*

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:05 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   Kate

      I do put away things that need to be picked up and wipe away any spills I spot and stuff like that. I know there’s a mess there, so it isn’t a problem.

      The issue tends to come around with stuff that accumulates over time. It’s all about standards. I might look at the floor and think it’s perfectly clean, while my roommate thinks that it’s in dire need of mopping. There’s no reason to clean something I don’t think is dirty, so it’d never even occur to me to do it unless they asked. If they got tired of asking, they could always set up a schedule that it’d be cleaned every so often, so I know when to do it.

      Not sure why help is in quotes there. Should I be cleaning the entire apartment on my own?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:34 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   mamason bang

      *Help was in “quotes” because it makes it more antagonistic somehow. I really wasn’t trying to single you out, Kate. You sound like a perfectly lovely and reasonable woman. Sometimes we just pretend to pick fights with people here.*

      So, what? You steppin’?

      *See? That was another example of me pretending to get all up in your grill. I’m just fronting, though. wink wink*

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:52 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   Kate

      Why was quotes in quotes, huh? Do you think I should have said “quotation marks” instead? Do you?!

      *I’d put something perverted here about you wanting to get all up in my grill, but I’ve resolved to become a better person than that*

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:02 am   rating: +7  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   mamason bang

      Now you’re just retarded.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:07 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.6   Canthz_B bang

      mamason, if I wipe your ass, can I do it ’til I’m satisfied (whatever it is)?

      hopes mamason says “♫ go on and do it, yeah ♫”

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.7   mamason bang

      Whatever it is…

      And I heard that you’re insatiable…

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.8   Canthz_B bang

      No, I’m in Arizona! :-P

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:12 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.9   mamason bang

      rimjobshot

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.10   TP

      I actually think that’s a good idea – if you know your standards of cleanliness are a tad bit below others, or are worried that it might be and you are deathly afraid of PA notes, then asking others to let you know when you’re not meeting their standards is fair. My parents are pretty much neat/clean freaks so if I have to stay there for any length of time I get harassed about stuff. When people come to MY house, I am always the cleanest person so I ask people to help out (As casually as possible, and drop little hints here and there if I can).
      Go Kate.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 6:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.11   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      “now you’re just retarded” is a PERFECT reply to that post. How many thumbs can I give?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 10:01 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Shazbot

    Some people can never be bothered by the state of a bathroom, blithely stepping on discarded tissues and toilet paper tubes for months.
    Some people freak out once they notice that someone let the mouthwash drip on an otherwise spotless sink.
    Unfortunately, people in the latter group are going to be screwed if they try to change people in the former group this way. Neat freaks, you will inevitably be more miserable than the slobs when you avoid cleaning up after them. Ask them to clean up after themselves, but in the end it’s a matter of what YOU can put up with–their tolerance for messes is obviously higher than yours, and weeks of thinking “Dear god this bathroom is disgusting” while they wander around drooling toothpaste on every available surface is not worth it, because eventually you’ll break down and clean it for your own peace of mind.
    If you MUST be PA about it, drive them crazy by photographing their messes and leaving those pictures on their beds or someplace else where they can’t miss them. Don’t expect them to suddenly start caring about messes.

    Apr 9, 2009 at 12:20 am   rating: +6  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   mamason bang

      Just who do you think you are, coming all up in here and dropping some logic on the situation? ;-)

      Though I must say, I love the idea about taking pics of the offending messes.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:24 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   aaa

      That’s when you start piling the dirty dishes and week-old food they leave out on their bed.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:31 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   Kate

      You actually said what I meant in my comment a lot better than I did. I’m not near as bad as the first group, but I definitely have lower standards than some of the people I live with. I’m willing to try and keep to their standards, they just have to let me know what they are.

      Can’t say the photograph idea would work so well with me. Unless there was a something explaining it, I’d just wonder why there was a picture on my bed.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:39 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.4   Canthz_B bang

      I’d say the aggravation is equal both ways, not that the neat freak inevitably loses.
      Neil Simon’s The Odd Couple is an example of note. ;-)

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:03 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.5   Canthz_B bang

      “…worthy of note.”

      About time to call it a night. :oops:

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:23 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.6   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Let’s hear it for Kate’s lower standards!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:58 am   rating: +8  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.7   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      CB, don’t you mean ‘call “it” a night’?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:00 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.8   Canthz_B bang

      I just don’t know anymore, GR.
      I’m not the best at punctuation, as I’ve said many times before.
      I was trying to say that I wanted my original to read a certain way, so I put the correction in quotation marks hoping that most readers would get the point.

      I sure hope I didn’t make it mean something totally different.

      You no I don’t read two gud. :oops: :-|

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:11 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.9   Anniee451

      Ok, I’m not reading this comment, but you get a thumbs up just for being named fucking Shazbot.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Sika

    When I lived in the dorms a custodian came in every day and cleaned. It took her a couple minutes. Still, there were girls who wore shower shoes and refused to touch the walls. My roommate used seat covers when she used the toilet.

    We left shit everywhere…dishes, brushes, towels, etc. If someone left something or didn’t take their hair off the wall we’d just holler “Hey bitch, come get your shit so I can have a place to put my curling iron!” or if it was hair all you had to do was yell “MARISSA!” and one of the two Marissa’s who both had long black hair would rush in giggling and apologizing while trying to make up for it by saying that the hair was in fact clean(which it was).

    If there wasn’t a custodian…I imagine the bathroom might never have been cleaned. None of the six of us wanted to touch each other’s filth. We would just have tiptoed around and applied our make-up in our rooms. Or in my case, not cared at all and enjoyed having the bathroom mirror to myself.

    I tried to explain this to a co-worker of mine that lived with her niece who never did her chores. If you don’t mention it, she’s not in trouble yet, so she’ll just hope you never notice. That’s with pre-agreed upon chores people. She asked how often I clean my bathroom (I have a husband by the way) and I said when I have company. I made sure to tell her though, that the college student’s I know who rent apartments, clean them only when they move out. Or if they have already done enough damage to have lost their deposit. Not at all. EVER!

    In summary

    1. Every two weeks is not being a neat freak, but I would venture to say that most college roomies rarely clean their bathroom that often. If they clean it at all.

    2. People cannot read your mind. If clean to you needs to happen more often than clean to me…then I’m going to leave you in charge of making sure you’re in your own comfort zone.

    3. Ordering me to clean the bathroom because you think it’s dirty…even though I don’t, is the worst way to ever get me to clean it.

    4. This note would have been more effective if written with colored markers.

    Apr 9, 2009 at 12:52 am   rating: +16  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   mamason bang

      “colored markers”

      PC/FYI- They prefer to be called “African-American” markers.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:47 am   rating: +9  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Canthz_B bang

      Or “Markers of Color”.

      They’re working towards “Markers of the Diaspora”, but there’s been some resistance…mostly from the “flesh”-shades.

      You know what they say…one drop of black ink, and you’re an off-white shade…wazzup eggshell?! :-P

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:01 am   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   aaa

      Of course the albino markers get made fun of by the “flesh” shades for being inkless…

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:17 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   Canthz_B bang

      Their Reps are flying to the next conference on the matter.
      They’ll be in on the red-eye!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:32 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.5   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Oooh. Ow. Wow. When I grimace and laugh at the same time, my brain and testicles (I know, no difference) hurt. I wish I could give you two thumbs.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 7:02 am   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.6   Bunnee

      Don’t forget the Great Britain/Canada version-”Markers of Colour”.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 12:24 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.7   Geek Goddess

      That would be “African-Canadian” markers.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:15 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.8   Beanster bang

      thanks Bunnee. it’s like CB never said that.

      In Canada we like to say “People of Afro-Caribbean Origin” because… well because we like to invalidate our own PC inventions as soon as possible with new ones.

      Apr 10, 2009 at 3:01 pm   rating: +3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.9   Canthz_B bang

      Like I never said what? Diaspora?
      Please say it was ‘diaspora’, because you really don’t want to get on my bad side on the subject of what “New World” people would like to call me.

      *makes ready canadian flag, lighter fluid and matches* :evil:

      Apr 11, 2009 at 3:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.10   Canthz_B bang

      So damned angry I missed that I didn’t say “Please say it wasn’t ‘diaspora’”!!! ☈

      Apr 11, 2009 at 4:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.11   Beanster bang

      CB, making fun of Canada, not you.

      “it’s like CB never said that” was in reference to Bunnee making the same comment as you, not putting words in your mouth.

      * waves flag of surrender *

      Apr 11, 2009 at 11:42 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.12   Geek Goddesss

      CB said ‘Markers of Color’;
      Bunnee said ‘Markers of Colour.
      Hence the Great Britain/Canada version.
      *grabs flag of surrender, scribbles PA note on it in non-monotone markers, hands back to Beanster, runs and ducks.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 12:08 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   meh

    I don’t understand why people get so judgemental about the people writing these notes or the people who got them.

    Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe the two “slob” roommates do a lot of other household chores that the “neat freaks” avoid, and so the slobs thought that it was a fair trade that the neat freaks cleaned the bathroom every time?

    Maybe the slobs take out the trash every time. Maybe they cook for everyone, or do most of the grocery shopping, or drive their roommates places, or do household repairs.

    There are plenty of easily imagined reasons why the slob roommates might believe that it’s okay not to pitch in on this one chore that the other two always do without saying a word about it.

    Also: bathroom cleanliness depends a lot on how nice the bathroom is to start with. A shoddily constructed bathroom gets grimy and moldy fast, but a nicely designed bathroom can stay clean a long time just from the water that gets swirled around during normal use. You are CLEANING yourself at a sink or in a shower, which means water and soap are cascading over every surface, helping to keep it clean too. If the shower surfaces aren’t cheap, they might only need scrubbing every couple of weeks. When I moved from my old, crappier apartment to my current one, I was pleasantly surprised at what a difference the upgrade in bathroom fixtures made to how often things needed to be cleaned.

    Certainly a nice bathroom shared by four could stay clean for a couple of weeks, especially considering that the women sharing it are students who probably spend a lot of time at classes, libraries, jobs, boy/girlfriends’ or friends’ places– ie, not at the suite constantly using that bathroom.

    I know everyone loves to pass judgement, but come on, think about the possibilities for five seconds.

    Apr 9, 2009 at 1:24 am   rating: +4  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   mamason bang

      We are thinking about the possibilities. We just prefer to think about the possibilities that make the note writer and/or note submitter seem as douche baggity as possible.

      It makes me smile.

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:36 am   rating: +7  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   Canthz_B bang

      If “ifs” and “buts”, were “beer and nuts”, we’d have a hell of a party.

      meh,
      The submitter had the opportunity to present mitigating testimony upon submission.
      She did not submit any. In fact, what she did was say that the bathroom never met her standard of dirty. So we are free to assume that there are no mitigating factors.
      She is also free (subject to standard risk) to come here and defend herself.

      May God bless her soul…

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:49 am   rating: +7  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   mamason bang

      Oh, snap! CB got all legalese up in here!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 1:54 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.4   aaa

      meh:

      Did it ever occur to you that you’re on a humor site?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:19 am   rating: +5  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.5   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

      Comment #33 was supposed to be a reply to this, but my P/A office computer is having another Commodore 64 day!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:22 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Grimfool_Reluctant bang

    Meh said, “I don’t understand why people get so judgemental about the people writing these notes or the people who got them.”

    Meh . . . you do get the whole purpose/attraction of this site, don’t you? Or were you perhaps looking for the “Passive Notes” page?

    BTW Mamason — if CB got all legalese up in there, it’s his responsibility to clean it out again. Be considerate of others, CB!

    Apr 9, 2009 at 2:13 am   rating: +5  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Canthz_B bang

      I clean every two weeks, GR!
      PA rooms don’t get really dirty in that amount of time…do they?

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:27 am   rating: +2  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   mamason bang

      This room is virtually spotless!

      Apr 9, 2009 at 2:31 am   rating: +6  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.3   Canthz_B bang

      Mamason…I was just re-reading this thread and am ashamed to say I didn’t “get it” the first time!!! Well-fucking-done!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

      Apr 9, 2009 at 10:06 pm   rating: +1  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.4   mamason bang

      Why, thank you, CB. :oops:

      Apr 9, 2009 at 10:33 pm   rating: 0