Free to be you and me

April 12th, 2009 · 95 comments

Writes Jay in Miami Beach: “The woman who lives in Apt. 2, right next to the front door of the building, had such a stinky dog smell emanating from her apartment that you could smell it through the closed door.”

Presumably, she could hear everyone’s complaints through the closed door, too.

I'm Dirty and I LOVE it. I LOVE my dirty dog BAD smell. I DON'T CARE If it bother you. -Dirty Lady #2

Dirty Lady #2

related: When you can’t blame the dog

FILED UNDER: dogs · Miami · neighbors · odor · oh no you didn't


95 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Quite Contrary

    Does Dirty Lady #2 live with Dirty Lady #1 or does Dirty Lady #1 live in apartment #1? Whatever the answer is, I don’t want to live in this apartment building.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 1:54 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   you suck at craigslist

      Hmmm. Stinky lady & dog live in #2? How apropos.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 4:01 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Flaboy2425

      I wouldn’t either, even if it were rent free.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 6:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   mamason bang

      I wonder if the folks in #1 are pissed?

      Apr 12, 2009 at 9:30 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   TheOldSchool bang

      I’d guess the folks in #1 are less pissed (in either the U.S. or U.K. sense) than the people in #3, #4, #5….etc., because the lucky bastards in #1 don’t have to pass #2 to get home.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 9:40 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   mamason bang

      tru dat

      Apr 12, 2009 at 9:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason,

      Is there any phrase in any language that doesn’t sound like an erotic purr when it comes from your lips or fingertips?

      If so, I’ve yet to see it.

      (There’s no need to try to find one, because I was just making an observation, not proposing a challenge.)

      Apr 12, 2009 at 10:05 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   r.m.

    If she doesn’t care why did she write a note?

    Apr 12, 2009 at 2:12 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Reeses Lover Lover

      Exactly. Besides, it’s not as if that note is going to stop people from commenting on the nasty dog smell.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 3:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Dawnavive

      I dont think she left the note…. I would assume that it was someone else being facetious…

      Apr 12, 2009 at 3:27 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   mamason bang

      I don’t care.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 3:39 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   mamason bang

    I’ve been told that I’m a very dirty girl but it wasn’t a complaint. :twisted:

    Apr 12, 2009 at 2:16 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Was it a suggestion? I guess I’m having difficulty understanding the context in which the comment was made.

      The only thing I can imagine is your baseball coach saying: “Great game, mamason. You’re dirty. Hit the showers.”

      Apr 12, 2009 at 9:09 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   mamason bang

      He wasn’t my baseball coach, but he was swinging some wood.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 9:32 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Now …. I’m catching your drift, mama.

      There’s no need to be euphemistically coy here at PAN.

      ESPECIALLY when it comes to getting down to the nitty gritty of what really turns you on, or what gets you off, and even your favorite positions. There’s no reason to censor yourself, or be embarrassed about the things that bring you physical pleasure.

      Lots of Americans absolutely LOVE the game of cricket.

      Did you score much?

      Apr 12, 2009 at 9:55 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   mamason bang

      Well, I am an all-rounder though I’m known primarily for my googly.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 10:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   TheOldSchool bang

      This could one of those rare sticky wickets that is worth not only touching, but actually probing.

      Because I’ve been blessed with a seemingly magical flipper, I’ve bowled more than my fair share of maidens.

      We should pop out to the pub for a pint. Maybe compare leg theories, bodylines, overs and unders, inners and outers, french cuts, and that sort of thing.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 11:02 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   mamason bang

      There is a certain appeal in your approach. I have every confidence that you really know how to bend the back and could really bang it in. Be sure to bring your box as I’ve been known to break a wicket or two.

      *wonders if I should have gone a bit further through alphabetical list of cricket terminology*

      Bye

      Apr 12, 2009 at 11:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   rn

      These posts read as a excerpt from P.G. Wodehouse-very well done you!

      Apr 13, 2009 at 7:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   mamason bang

    This would have been much more neighbor friendly had it been done using Comic Sans.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 2:20 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Where is the clip art and the colored markers?

      Apr 12, 2009 at 2:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   mamason bang

      I don’t know where they is.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 3:37 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   TheOldSchool bang

      “Where be” would have sufficed.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 9:18 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Wade bang

    Sounds like a pitch for the next Orbitz gum commercial.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 2:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   mamason bang

    “I LOVE my dirty dog BAD smell.” 8-O

    Um… I don’t think she has a dog. :-?

    Apr 12, 2009 at 2:26 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Maybe the note WAS from another tenant, as was mentioned in #2.2 by Dawnavive (a new PAN commenter/dishwashing detergent from Procter and Gamble).

      Maybe the lady in apartment 2 died. Her dog ate her. And now the dog is dead, too.

      Obviously this is quite unpleasant for me to contemplate.

      I love dogs. Especially little ones. They’re so cute. As long as they’re not yappy. It would be awful if that little guy’s last meal was the lady in apt 2.

      It leave a bad taste in my mouth even thinking about it (although that could be from the overbaked salmon I had at an Easter lunch).

      Why are all of my elderly relatives so obsessed with salmon? They practically worship the fucking fish.

      Whenever I’m cornholed into going to any one of their mausoleum/homes for dinner, I’m always greeted at the door by one of my kindly-yet-diminished uncles.

      Then, after hanging my jacket in the foyer closet, they will turn and gaze at me with twinkling eyes and a bemused expression, before saying: “You’re in for a treat, TOS, your aunt Millie has cooked us up a really sweet salmon for dinner. I hope you’re hungry.”

      I always say the same lie: “Sounds great, Uncle Pete!” When, in fact, I’d probably enjoy eating just about anything else a great deal more.

      That said, they’re all lovely people. Sure, they’ve got their quirks, but who among us, with the possible exception of mamason, doesn’t?

      Apr 12, 2009 at 10:40 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   mamason bang

      TOS, your pet Fido, would never eat you if you died. Dogs are much too loyal for such an act. The dog would howl continuously until animal control came and rescued it or barring that, it would just curl up next to you and die.

      Now, cats, on the other hand, would be chewing out your eyeballs before you had a chance to cool off. That’s the only reason they even stay with humans, in the hope that you’ll kick the bucket and they can have a go at you before the coroner arrives. *Glo… take note. This is a cautionary tale for you*

      You are however, correct in your assumption that I am quirkless. *twitch*

      You may kiss me now.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 11:14 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   TheOldSchool bang

      BEST. EASTER. CANDY. EVER.

      Mamason, I’ve got a package for you, as well.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 11:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   mamason bang

      :lol:

      Special delivery? ;-)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   TheOldSchool bang

      Overnight?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   mamason bang

      Is it just me or is it getting hot in here? :oops:

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   Canthz_B bang

      mamason and old school, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g! :-D

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   mamason bang

      *chases CB around the schoolyard screaming, “Shut-up!* hehe

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   Canthz_B bang

      *gives mamason a love tap and runs for dear life*

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.10   Geek Goddesss

      *Steps out into schoolyard and reminds children not to run with scissors or markers (of any color).*

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.11   mamason bang

      Well he started it! :lol:

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.12   Canthz_B bang

      But she was chasing me, and I got my school clothes dirty and my mom’s gonna kill me!!! :cry:

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.13   Canthz_B bang

      Besides, she thinks the secret admirer card she got in class on Valentine’s Day was from TOS when it was from me, now she likes him better. :-(

      That’s why I pissed in his gym locker.
      Now when his gym clothes get warm he smells like pee! :lol:

      (I really did piss in a kid’s gym locker once…the effect was marvelous!!! I’m a baaaad boy Abbott!! :-D)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.14   TheOldSchool bang

      CB,

      The principal wants to see you in her office.

      Mama, you come and come come again with me.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.15   Canthz_B bang

      OH NO!! SHE’S GONNA MAKE ME EAT HER MUFFIN AGAIN!!!

      Hey, TOS…are you on the West Coast, or overseas (from a US point of view that is)?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.16   mamason bang

      *emission accomplished*

      Does anyone have a cigarette?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.17   Canthz_B bang

      Too late to sing ♫ Come on and go with me, come on over to my place. ♫?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.18   Canthz_B bang

      Okay, it’s Teddy people. ;-)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.19   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason,

      Mr. Armstrong doesn’t want to leave. He’s like a kid with a new bike. Let’s let the lad have a few more laps. He loves the new terrain.
      I’ve never seen him so happy and proud. Popping wheelies! Backwards flips! Juggling ball gags while giving head stands on the handlebars! That’s not just entertainment, it’s destiny!

      Apr 13, 2009 at 3:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.20   pony girl

      6.1

      That was great.

      Of course, now I have lemonade all over my keyboard, but it was totally worth it.

      Nov 16, 2009 at 1:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Icanseethroughyou

    I schampooed MY schmelly Schnauzer.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 2:38 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   agatha christie

    She might love her dirty dog smell, but I bet her landlord wouldn’t. Most rental places have some kind of agreement that if you’re going to be a tenant, you have to keep your apartment in some kind of hygienic non-smelly order.

    Otherwise the health inspector comes in and it just causes a big debacle for everyone involved.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 2:49 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   CGP

    i would be *so* tempted to add a ‘s to the end of dog.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 2:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   marlo

      dirty doga?

      I don’t get it.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 6:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   TheOldSchool bang

      CGP meant it this way: “dirty doga’s.”

      Apr 12, 2009 at 9:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   HugsandKisses101 bang

      dude, she meant “dog’s”, possessive ….duh. (dirty dog’s bad smell…)

      although, that wouldn’t be as funny, IMO.

      Nov 15, 2009 at 10:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Canthz_B bang

      Stunning…but there for all to see.

      Nov 15, 2009 at 10:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Regina

    Reading that gave me a little tingle. Ohhh yeah, now tell momma about how you steal people’s food from the communal fridge…

    Apr 12, 2009 at 2:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   mamason bang

    Don’t lie. You know you like it.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 2:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   cTo

    holy god that is so gross

    Apr 12, 2009 at 3:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Reeses Lover Lover

    Wonder if the dog minds his owner’s smell…

    Apr 12, 2009 at 3:26 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Jim (The Canuck One)

    New from Chanel: Dirty Lady #2

    For a girl who just doesn’t give a sh*t.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 3:30 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Reeses Lover Lover

      For the girl who wants to smell like shit.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 3:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   mamason bang

      blerg! nevermind.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 3:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   A

    She LOVES her dirty dog. Her dirty, dirty dog. She doesn’t care if it bothers you. Remember, she’s dirty too.

    Reads like bestiality to me.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 3:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    This sign replaced the one which read:

    WARNING, Mental illness ahead!!

    Apr 12, 2009 at 4:16 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   mamason bang

      So… we have crazy cat ladies and dirty dog ladies. Very interesting.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 4:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Geek Goddesss

      Could we be crazy dirty, and just skip the pets altogether?

      Apr 12, 2009 at 5:06 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Document

    OT: Which post is the origin of the pink penis? I tried Googling it and got nothing.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 5:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Phalange

      I shudder to think of what a Google search on “pink penis” brings up. Needless to say I imagine I won’t be doing that query on my work interweb.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 8:01 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   marlo

    welp, now I’ve got Christina Aguilera stuck in my head.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 6:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Your head must be huge. What’s your hat size?

      Apr 12, 2009 at 11:21 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   JuanRojas

    I’m sure if all her neighbors puke on her doormat she’ll thank them for the lovely addition to the bad smell.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 7:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   MJWalrus

    My favorite?
    -The note is crinkled and has that “I just used it to wipe up a coffee ring off my computer desk” look.
    -It’s slapped up on the door in an off-kilter, way too low position as if to say “I don’t even care about this note–bitches.”

    Apr 12, 2009 at 7:43 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Geek Goddesss

    And as you are reading the note, you look up, just a little bit, and see the peephole in the door. Although you can’t really see in through it, you notice that the amount of light shining through it has dimmed. And then you see the glint of an eyeball . . .

    Apr 12, 2009 at 8:06 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   TheOldSchool bang

    I’ll bet it’s not the dog. It’s her pussy.

    But I’m an eighth grader, so it’s OK for me to say that.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 9:02 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   anglophile bang

      Well, that explains a lot! ;)

      Apr 12, 2009 at 9:19 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   mamason bang

      8-O

      :lol:

      Apr 12, 2009 at 9:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Glo, mama: when I say “eighth grader, ” I’m not referring to the American school system, I’m addressing my achievements based on a metric I’ve devised that combines the buddhistic levels of attainment concerning tantric sex with my personal international cricket results, divided by the number of PAN thumbs ups that gradstudent gets whenever he or she posts.

      I should have made that clearer in #22.0.

      Apr 12, 2009 at 11:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    If you’re dirty and you know it post a sign,
    If you’re dirty and you know it post a sign,
    If you’ve got a filthy belly,
    And your dog’s absurdly smelly,
    If you’re dirty and you know it post a sign!

    Apr 12, 2009 at 9:10 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   claw71 bang

      I was thinking of the All American Rejects:

      When you’re by my door it’s a stinky smell, it’s a stinky smell!
      When you see my dog it’s a stinky smell, it’s a stinky smell!

      I love dirt and don’t give a damn, you can go to hell! When you’re in the hallway it’s a stinky smell!

      Now where’s you’re precious Glade, love?
      Did you leave it in your car…and has it even worked so far?
      I know the smell’s intense, love.
      Kind of like a barnyard.
      It’s enough to make you yark.

      And you should know I LOVE IT
      If you don’t like, go SHOVE IT!

      When you’re by my door it’s a stinky smell, it’s a stinky smell!
      When you see my dog it’s a stinky smell, it’s a stinky smell!

      I love dirt and don’t give a damn, you can go to hell! When you’re in the hallway it’s a stinky smell!

      NOW YOU BITCH ABOUT ME, WHILE I STINK WITH GLEE.
      YOU CAN WHINE TO YOUR FRIENDS, THEY’RE NOTHING TO ME!
      I KNOW I ATTRACT FLIES, THEY LAY MAGGOTS IN MY EYES
      AND YOU KNOW I DON’T CARE, SO GO TO HELL!

      When you’re in the hall it’s a stinky smell, it’s a stinky smell (it’s a stinky smell)
      When you see my dof it’s a stinky smell, it’s a stinky smell (it’s a stinky smell)

      I love dirt and don’t give a damn, you can go to hell! When you’re in the hallway it’s a stinky smell!

      Apr 13, 2009 at 10:38 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   aaa

    Hasn’t Dirty Lady #2 heard that clichéd turn of phrase about how you can swing your arms around all you want as long as you don’t hit anybody?

    Apr 12, 2009 at 10:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Chinchillazilla bang

    All this dog/no dog confusion would have been averted if Dirty Lady #2 could just use a hyphen.

    Hyphens have little to no effect on your putrid odor, so I don’t see why she didn’t.

    Apr 12, 2009 at 10:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Julia

    Anyone else really kinda want to know what this woman looks like, in order for her to not care what she smells like?

    Apr 13, 2009 at 2:27 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Geek Goddesss

      NO!
      *What has been seen cannot be unseen*

      Apr 13, 2009 at 3:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Based on the smell and the fact that she likes it, it’s a fair bet that she is visually alarming.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 8:15 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   bored

      dt’s boring

      Apr 17, 2009 at 1:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Mishee

    Wow. 77 comments and not one mention of RunBarbara.

    She is the first person who ran through MY mind when I read the note.

    But I guess that’s just me.

    Apr 13, 2009 at 9:37 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   claw71 bang

    That’s not a note, those are Randy Newman lyrics.

    Apr 13, 2009 at 10:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Monkey Speaks

    Awww this reminds me of home. We lived in a no-pet apartment complex but EVERYONE had pets and all tenants respected the don’t ask don’t tell rule (even the management kind of followed it).

    What sucked though is we could never yell at the crazy guy who lived above me who would “accidentally” dump kitty litter all over the stairs.

    Yay Miami Beach Pet Owners!

    Apr 13, 2009 at 1:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   coffeebaby

    the stinky woman didn’t write the note.

    Apr 13, 2009 at 7:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   randy

    has anyone given thought to the fact that maybe she doesnt have a dog, but she uses that as an excuse to cover up her own stink?

    Apr 14, 2009 at 10:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Andy bang

    Wait. It’s signed “Dirty Lady #2″.

    Who is Dirty Lady #1?

    I must know!

    Apr 14, 2009 at 8:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   oi!

    Dirty dog, dirty dog, What she is doing to you?
    Dirty dog, dirty dog it is not your fault.
    she is making you cum
    obviously she is not getting some
    you may not be a sexy big hunk
    but you do stink
    It is not your fault, she loves your bad smell,
    Dirty dog, dirty dog what she is doing to you

    Apr 15, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   oi!

      There is not delete button here!
      I am ashamed of myself.

      Apr 15, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   me

    Did anyone think to call an authority? A building super, the ASPCA?! This seems like signs of a classic animal hoarding situation. We’re used to treating the crazies like crazies. Instead of doing that, let’s take some action. The woman needs help and her animals are suffering terribly. Mocking notes are no help at all.

    Apr 19, 2009 at 2:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays…

    [...] Dirty Lady #2 got an office [...]

    Nov 15, 2009 at 8:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   HugsandKisses101 bang

    Hahaha! She called herself #2….

    Nov 15, 2009 at 10:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   windy

    aaah, thanks coffeebaby

    Nov 16, 2009 at 4:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   GK bang

      Gigglebrax, damn your hide!

      Nov 16, 2009 at 4:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     

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