Askin’ for it

April 13th, 2009 · 131 comments

Writes Marc from Chicago: “I saw this in a small town off Route 26 in Nebraska. As soon as I finished snapping photos of the signs, the woman who ran the drive-thru came out and demanded to know what I was doing. Once she realized that I was not there to mess with the sign, she became friendly. Evidently, the situation was exactly as it appeared: unidentified no-goodniks had been swiping the letters from the sign or re-arranging the amiable witticisms (‘Men, I don’t understand. Chocolate, I’m an expert!’) into significantly ruder form.”

Our signs will end if people don't leave them alone

askin' for it

Meanwhile, Rikki spotted this sign (which may or may not be an homage to this one, which made the rounds on the interweb a few years back) in downtown Oklahoma City.

Lo Siento!

related: and pull up your sign

FILED UNDER: Nebraska · Oklahoma · restaurant · retail hell · stealing · vandalism


131 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Mishee™ bang

    So this was what Ace of Base was singing about!

    Apr 13, 2009 at 11:01 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   claw71 bang

      HA! I, I made message
      You would hardly recognize it
      I’m so glad.
      Why would a person like me rearrange?
      Why would I bother?
      When the letters don’t belong to me
      OOOOO
      I can’t get enough

      I changed the sign
      and now I’m with the cool guys
      I changed the sign
      Now the owners not understanding
      why I fucked with his branding
      I changed the sign
      and now I’m with the cool guys
      I changed the sign
      The cops might write me up,
      That’s why we wait until their gone
      but we don’t have long.

      Under a pale moon
      There are so many letters
      I wondered what to say
      How can I impress you—bring me joy
      under the pale moon
      anagrams are child’s play
      OOOOO
      I can’t get enough

      I changed the sign…..

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:51 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   aaa

    I was going to make a witty quip about Mexican restaurants becoming t3h l33t haxx0rz, but I soon lost interest in the project.

    Apr 13, 2009 at 11:03 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Ti to the O bang

      lol speak on signs?
      Sign stealerrs ar teh suc.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   fluffy8u

      Ahh! I don’t understand! Why did my parents teach me English and not internet lingo?! Why?!

      Apr 13, 2009 at 3:10 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Mark bang

      Me fail English? That’s unpossible!

      Apr 14, 2009 at 11:02 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Mishee™ bang

      My cat’s name is Mittens….

      Apr 14, 2009 at 11:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Mark bang

      I bent my Wookiee… :(

      Apr 14, 2009 at 11:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   aaa

    P.S.

    Evidently Firefox’s spellcheck doesn’t think “t3h l33t haxx0rz” is incorrect.

    Apr 13, 2009 at 11:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Firefox should change its name to “Unicorn” because of all the browsers I tried, it seems to be the gayest and most magical.

      (If unicorn is already taken, they could try “rainbow unicorn.” I would.)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 5:48 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Mark bang

      Dude, you don’t know where that horn’s been.

      Apr 14, 2009 at 11:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   You Suck at Craigslist

    “Men, I don’t understand. Chocolate, I’m” , which is the maximum the anagram generator I found would allow me to input, anagrams to:

    “Trenchant, cuddlesome domination.”

    So there ya go.

    Apr 13, 2009 at 11:10 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Two more:

      Cementer x denied homotransplantation cud

      Homotransplantation dune excrement diced

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:49 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   not me!

      somebody’s fixated on homotransplantation…

      Apr 13, 2009 at 6:43 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Someone besides Cementer x?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   claw71 bang

    I’m damned near 40 and this is what I’d pull over and do:

    1st sign, molested: “WE SELL DOPE AND WHORES”

    2nd sign: “SEE IF YOU ARE GAY 532-7002″

    3rd sign: ” QUIT T ALIN O R L TTER” (compliance)

    Apr 13, 2009 at 11:17 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Were we doing physical age or mental age?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   claw71 bang

      Haven’t you found that the closers guys get to 40 the more likely they are to act like they’re 14?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:42 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Mishee™ bang

      I am just wondering where this store is.

      I am almost out of both dope and whores…

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:42 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Is Frankie out of town?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:51 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Mishee™ bang

      No, but your mom is.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   claw71 bang

      Frankie isn’t a whore.

      Whores charge.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   TheOldSchool bang

      Mishee: That’s just rude!

      My mom’s in the shower. She doesn’t like it when I smoke in bed.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.8   Frankie bang

      Whores also at least wear some clothes. Frankie just walks around naked most days. It pisses your mom off because she says I’m taking all her business. (That’s for all of you with dirty whore mothers.)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.9   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Do you get a family rate?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.10   TheOldSchool bang

      Rilla2,

      No. Only because mom is old fashioned. But I did get a reduction beyond her AAA and AARP discounts.

      While mom was searching her purse for the appropriate cards, I whispered in the clerk’s ear that he if cut us some slack on the rate, I’d save him a piece.

      He took another 10 percent off, but if he thought that was worth a round with my beloved mother, he was mistaken.

      I would NEVER rent her out for less than 15%.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   amy d bang

    I think sign #1 is just giving in. Maybe the sign miscreants want the signs to end?

    Apr 13, 2009 at 11:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   claw71 bang

      I know I do. How many tired old cliche quotes or stale biblical references do we have to be subjected to?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:26 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      John 3:18

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Brunogirl

      I don’t know – I would be flattered to have a sign re-arranged, but then we did that stuff as kids. I would make it my personal mission to only put up signs in haiku – give the kids a challenge for crying out loud.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:35 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   claw71 bang

      Oh, I’d rearrange your sign. I’d reararange it hard.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:57 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   claw71 bang

      I also have 7 I can stick in the middle of your haiku.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   mamason bang

      That’s what they all say.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   TheOldSchool bang

      Not all of them, mamason.

      Some get the 5-7-5 order mixed up, and they promise to stick 5 in the middle.

      To those guys, I say: “Get a clue!”

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   Brunogirl

      Wait – I think I dated that guy. LOL

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:11 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   not me!

      I married that guy.

      I feel sorry for his girlfriend now….

      Apr 13, 2009 at 6:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.10   TheOldSchool bang

      I’m his lover, now.

      He’s not so bad. He just seems to have difficulty writing Japanese lyric verse in an unrhymed poetic form, while adhering to the formal structure of seventeen syllables arranged in three lines of five, seven, and five syllables, respectively.

      He also rebels against the tradition of ensuring that the poem deal with aspects of the seasons, or even nature, in general.

      That said, he’s like a human dildo with limbs and a skillful, supple tongue.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 9:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.11   Meesh

      TOS, is that a Bob Dylan reference? If so, I love you.

      Apr 14, 2009 at 8:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   mamason bang

    Our local Hardee’s marquee once read,
    “TRY OUR NEW T ICK BURGER!” for several months before they finally fixed it. :-|

    And this one time, at band camp…

    Apr 13, 2009 at 11:48 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   claw71 bang

      Would you like a side of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever with that, or just a large Lyme disease?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Our sign has LOW WEEKLY RAT S on it…true . I’m waiting till the Boss finally catches on ….

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:05 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason,

      Now I wish YSAC had never reminded me about anagram generators:

      u. r. buttering cow Kerry

      NW recruiter got KY rub

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   You Suck at Craigslist

      TOS, you’re welcome!

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Freakin bang

      Cold Sloth Hoe.

      I don’t even need a generator. Did that one in my noodle.

      I love words.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   mamason bang

      Hot Clod Holes.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   TheOldSchool bang

      Wow! An anagram of “cold sloth hoe” is:

      The Old School.

      You must have known that. You didn’t just choose those words randomly. Did you?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   Brunogirl

      Ah – best anagram for the tick burger….

      Bucket Rower Ruing Try

      I got a nice visual for that. ;) thanks YSAC !

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   mamason bang

      Best anagram for Brunogirl…

      Blur Groin! :lol:

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:55 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.10   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason:

      A.M. Moans

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.11   Freakin bang

      Here’s your gold star. Go sit with the others now and I’ll bring you some milk and crispy treats later.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.12   TheOldSchool bang

      Freakin,

      Claw always gave me a rusty star…

      (Freakin’: You might consider changing your avatar. It’s very similar to Frankie’s, and she’s a bit of a trollop. I’m hip to what’s goin’ down, but there are others here who, sadly, aren’t quite as savvy.)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.13   TheOldSchool bang

      Hell yeah! I must be cookin’ with gas today because I computed this one without resorting to the generator:

      Claw = C Law.

      It was easy!

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.14   Brunogirl

      Ha – Blur groin… that’s priceless!

      I like Bro Luring (My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard… but I only keep the ones that know what a Ferengi is)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.15   GhostWriter bang

      It grew short.

      The worst rig.

      (I hate this game…)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.16   mamason bang

      Right Towers ;-)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.17   Brunogirl

      GW – you have a really tough one….

      How’s this for a little boost?

      Erst Girth Ow
      ;)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.18   DearJane

      Our local burger king has it’s share of letter stealers, their sign to hire some people who wanted to work at night read a while ago
      “Now hiring losers”
      I’m sure there is a guy hiding in the bushes, clutching the C and laughing his ass off.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:30 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.19   mamason bang

      Oh, he’s clutching something, alright!

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.20   Freakin bang

      Oh TOS. You poor misguided soul. You just keep doing your thing man. Someday you’ll get it.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.21   TheOldSchool bang

      mamason,

      I think you’re right. He’s probably clutching a gun.

      Misguided loner, angry at the world, probably can’t afford spray paint, so the only way to get his message out is to rearrange the letters on signs.

      He’ll think nothing of killing anyone who tries to interfere. He’s probably already killed others.

      For what?

      As for the “C,” you can bet that it’s already tucked carefully into his backpack, where it’ll be used on another sign, in another town, most likely to lend coherence to a message that wouldn’t have made complete sense without the “C.”

      If I could talk to him, I’d say: “Hey, man. I like your reinterpretations of the original messages, but, please try not to kill people. That’s not cool. Especially when you shoot the cute kids. And why do you dress so scruffily? You are your own best advertising.

      “If you wear clothes that announce to the world that you don’t care about your appearance, how can you expect a potential employer to look at you and say, ‘Well, backpack guy, I’ve reviewed your letter rearrangements on signage portfolio, and I must say that I’m impressed. I think you are the perfect person to represent my firm in potentially lucrative meetings with high-profile clients.’

      “Go to Penneys. They’ve got remarkable deals right now on Haggar slacks and Van Heusen ‘never iron’ shirts. A pair of loafers with a matching belt will complete the ensemble.

      “Who knows? In a few months you could be the fellow in the corporate office who thinks up the messages for all the company’s signs — and gets paid an unfeasibly indecent salary for doing so!

      “Go knock ‘em dead, Tiger!”

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:19 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.22   Frank bang

      :|

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.23   Anniee451

      So…what was it supposed to say?

      What the hell is a trick burger?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 7:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.24   mamason bang

      :lol:

      THICKBURGER

      Apr 13, 2009 at 9:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.25   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason,

      I guess you haven’t heard. Frankie’s out of town.

      (Mishee didn’t seem to know where she was, let alone Frankie.)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.26   you suck at craigslist

      “You Suck at Craigslist” anagrams to:

      “Gutsy, salacious trick”

      I like that.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:24 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.27   TheOldSchool bang

      GST,

      RE: all these little anagram frolics that you’ve started at PAN — Yeah…. it’s all fun and games, right now, but will it be so amusing when some of the women here are a couple of months late getting their periods?

      I just hope that when the moment of reckoning comes, you’ll be able to provide everyone with a “paternity test generator” web site from your dangling hairy bag of web site tricks.

      In all sincerity,

      Hot Clod Holes

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.28   aaa

      aaa anagrams to aaa. Awesome.

      Apr 14, 2009 at 12:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.29   TheOldSchool bang

      Nice job figuring that out, aaa.

      We have been waiting all day long to see who would be the first to crack that one.

      But here’s something that won’t be quite so easy.

      What is the palindromic version of aaa?

      Apr 14, 2009 at 12:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.30   TheOldSchool bang

      !!!!NOSAMAM

      ?UOY ERA EREHW

      Apr 14, 2009 at 12:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.31   Geek Goddesss

      “Dodges Geeks”

      Hmm. I may have figured out the problem…
      *wanders off to rethink dating strategy.*

      Apr 14, 2009 at 1:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.32   aaa

      If you play my name backwards, it’ll tell you to worship Satan.

      Apr 14, 2009 at 2:53 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Sandy

    Those letters were fucking delicious.

    Apr 13, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Frankie bang

      boo :(

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:14 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Freakin bang

    Maybe they jumped the gun here. It could just be a dyslexic employee messing the signs up.

    Apr 13, 2009 at 12:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   mamason bang

      m’I lesdyxic.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Melanie

    “men, i don’t understand. chocolate, i’m an expert!”

    Witticism FAIL. I’d rearrange the sign simply on principle. Because a Facebook quiz told me that in another life I was Oscar Wilde.

    Apr 13, 2009 at 12:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Pervo

      You can sit on my facebook.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Brunogirl

      I’m thinking maybe if she laid off the chocolate a little… ;) just sayin’.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Melanie

      you’re an asshole.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Melanie,

      Don’t you think that the quipster, Oscar Wilde, would have injected into that same subject matter a few more dollops of thrusting jocularity?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Melanie

      Indeed. My temper got the better of me. Shameful for me to have been so vulgar and humorless — best to hit the absinthe and regroup.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   mamason bang

      *thrusting jocularity*

      Apr 13, 2009 at 1:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      When thrusting jocularity one must exercise caution, ensuring that all sharp edges are dulled and the wit is not too pointed.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:20 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.8   TheOldSchool bang

      It’s a blunt instrument, indeed.

      I’m thick.

      The truncheon I wield isn’t very trenchant.

      Well then, now that we’ve discussed “wit,” perhaps it is time to have a frank talk about penis sizes and shapes. There will be some hands-on learning activities during conference time.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 3:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.9   mamason bang

      Will there be oral presentations?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 3:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.10   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Snacks will be served at the break and soft drinks and water available during the conference.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 3:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.11   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason,

      Hopefully.

      Provided there is no talking.

      I’d also like to insert a big surprises your curriculum, this evening. Maybe fill a few holes in your transcript.

      Could be a late night.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 4:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.12   Meesh

      If you experience thrusting jocularity lasting longer than 4 hours, contact your doctor.

      Apr 14, 2009 at 8:42 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Causeitdoesn'tmatter

    I’m going to shamelessly tell you that the first sign is not in Nebraska (cause it really matters??) but is in Torrington, Wyoming. At least he had the highway right. How did he miss the big ol’ sign that says, “Welcome to Wyoming?” Did he blink?
    I’m so proud of my peeps… and seriously impressed that it is all spelled right. Wow!

    Apr 13, 2009 at 1:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Why shamelessly? What are you hiding?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 11:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   TheOldSchool bang

      oooops…..

      Should have been: “What aren’t you hiding?”

      Now it makes perfect sense.

      Apr 14, 2009 at 11:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Teaha

      I have to confirm Causeitdoesn’tmatter’s statement … the sign does in fact reside in Torrington, Wyoming. In the submitter’s defense, Torrington is 7 miles inside the Wyoming/Nebraska state line … but still.

      Imagine my surprise to check passiveaggressivenotes to find my home town on there!

      Apr 15, 2009 at 9:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Ida Knowe

    We have a Auction House and our high school senior was on the football team.
    I put this on the sign.
    AUCTION (these “auction” letters are big & red)
    CLOSED FRIDAYS
    GO WARRIORS
    SEE YOU SATURDAY

    Someone changed it to
    CAUTION (in the big red ones)
    GOT WARTS

    Apr 13, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   anglophile bang

      Where did they get the extra T?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:13 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Mishee™ bang

      Duh Glo. Just like everything else we enjoy here in the states.

      China.

      Hence the term, “All the “T” in China.”

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:19 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   amy d bang

      From Mr. T?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Sue Do Nim

      From Saturday?

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   amy d bang

      There are 3 Ts in the anagrammed message and only 2 in the orignal message.

      I made the same mistake, at first, Sue ;)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 2:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   TheOldSchool bang

      Amy,

      I realized there were only 2 Ts during the first read-thru. I’m not boasting, but I figured you’d probably be curious.

      Sometimes it’s good to let people ponder.

      Other times, I figure, what the hell, why not just go and spill the beans. Why keep people on pins and needles?

      She’s probably got other more pressing concerns that need to be shunted to the fore in her cerebral kotex.

      Amy D, If there are any other questions you need answered, feel free to ask.

      I like to tell my patients: “The only stupid question is the one that you asked.”

      The ones who get it, laugh phony little laughs. The ones who don’t, probably wouldn’t have any good questions, anyway.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 5:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   Canthz_B bang

      I think “CAUTION, GO WARTS” sounds much more threatening anyway.
      Nothing worse than viral warts (ICD-9 code 079.8) on the move!

      Apr 14, 2009 at 1:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   Canthz_B bang

      Been a while since I’ve done that, but what the Hell? Someone is paying me good money to know that shit again. ;-)

      Apr 14, 2009 at 1:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   txBart

      Thanks for giving it away for free here.

      Apr 14, 2009 at 10:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.10   amy d bang

      I didn’t ask any questions to begin with, TOS. I’m not bitching, I just thought you’d probably be curious.

      Apr 14, 2009 at 11:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.11   TheOldSchool bang

      Amy,

      Thank you for getting back to me. I’m usually very curious about everything, but, right now, I’m just antsy and uncomfortable.

      It’s mostly because mamason’s not here.

      Adding to my discomfort is the fact that this morning, without really thinking too much about it, I accidentally got dressed in one of my mother’s more attractive skirt, blouse, and jacket ensembles, complete with pantyhose, jewelry, lowish heels (I’m not going to make a fool of myself tottering around in public) and the most darling purse ever.

      I’m terrible at make-up, so I said to myself: Fuck even trying! I grabbed a tube of the brightest red lipstick I could find, and just smeared it around the general vicinity of my lips.

      Before I left for Whole Foods, I decided to take a leak. What a pain it is to piss when you’re in women’s attire! I was planning to just undo the zipper on the side of the skirt, pull down the panty hose enough to pop over the fence, pee, and be done with it.

      But even the most astray plans sometimes get waylaid.

      There was a puddle of water in front of the toilet, most likely caused when I lost my grip on the handheld master blaster in the shower while giving myself an ecstatically satisfying rectal pummeling earlier in the morning.

      As I spurted ejaculate onto the tiles, the master blaster was dancing like a cobra at 1990s Ibiza rave.

      Anyway, I knew that if I stood and peed, there was a good chance that mother’s skirt would drop to the wet (and possibly semen-tinged) floor.

      So I did it the way ladies do. It was a pain, but I knew mother would be horrified if, while she were wearing that same ensemble, one of her acquaintances were to enquire: “Joyce, it seems as if you have a couple of rather generously sized dollops of semen residue staining the area just above your hemline.”

      Skirt dry, bladder empty, I headed for Whole Foods, and spent a lovely couple of hours gazing fondly at the beautifully displayed food products, and flirting with fellow shoppers.

      Then I came home, put away the groceries, turned on the computer, saw that mamason was still otherwise engaged, made a sad face, then went to a mirror, to see just how sad my sad face looked when I was caked in lipstick.

      That’s when I noticed that the back of my skirt was tucked into the back of my panty-hose.

      My face turned lipstick red with embarrassment.

      I wished that I’d never given out my calling card to so many flirting shoppers.

      Then I remembered an old zen koan that says:

      “If life hands you lemons, save them in your pockets. You can use them later as make shift ball gags.”

      Everyone tells me what a nice ass I have. (Think of two perfectly round, tightly packed snowballs sitting side by side on a pedestal in climate controlled museum of fine asses, and you’ll get the picture.)

      I’ll bet some of the Whole Foods people were grousing to themselves that I was peacocking around the store that way, intentionally.

      But I wasn’t. I’m just good at making lucky mistakes, that’s all.

      “attention whole food shoppers: there is a gentle lady/man at customer service who claims he’s missing his mamason. if you are mamason please report to customer service immediately. thank you.”

      Apr 14, 2009 at 1:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.12   Too Long; Did Not Read

      *scroll scroll scroll*

      Apr 14, 2009 at 1:55 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.13   mamason bang

      TOS- :lol:

      Apr 14, 2009 at 2:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   riskatstake bang

    the title is an anagram for frat is oink.

    this amused me for all of 2 minutes.

    -take a skirt

    Apr 13, 2009 at 1:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Nat

    I live in OKC, and eat at LaLuna’s often. They just have “witty” signs. The sign is definitely too far off the ground for anyone to steal letters, so I will assume they were “trying” to be funny.

    Apr 13, 2009 at 2:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Frank bang

      ME TOO! NAT! I’m in OKC!!! RIGHT NOW!

      This is exciting… We don’t get too many Homies (I like to call Oklahomans, Homies)

      Big day for me.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 3:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Nat

      What up, Homie?! Have you ever dined at LaLuna? It’s on Reno, between Walker and Harvey. Of course, there’s the one in Norman, too.

      However, I prefer San Marcos on SW 59th.

      Tasty delish! (Even more so than those letters!)

      Apr 14, 2009 at 12:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Frank bang

      I like Markies Deli a lot. It’s up the block and around the corner from me on Robinson. They have a baked potato the size of your head. NOM NOM NOM!
      If you like La luna you should try Mama Rojas on Hefner Pkwy. They are one of our clients and they make some damn good Mexican food.

      Apr 14, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Nat

      Markie’s IS good!

      I will definitely try Mama Rojas!

      Peace out, Homie!

      Apr 14, 2009 at 7:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   TheOldSchool bang

    I hate it when radio talkshow guests say, “that’s Billions with a B.”

    Like we can’t spell!

    The arrogance! “Oh, look at me! I’m a local radio personality!”

    I’ve news for them. I’m a pretty decent speller, myself. I just don’t talk about it that much.

    Maybe I should find a way to bring it up more in conversation. Subtlely.

    There is something sexually primal about how women, upon learning of ones spelling expertise, seem to reflexively clench and unclench their inner thigh muscles, buttocks, and the interior hoo-haw-related bits.

    Obviously, when at a cocktail party, I don’t stand there staring at the lower half of a woman’s body as I sprinkle my spelling prowess anecdotes into the conversation. That would be disconcerting to any young woman.

    Her stiffening nipples are an excellent indicator of the transformations taking place down below. There’s no need for cross-checking and endless re-verification.

    It’s like this:

    Good speller? You’re gonna get lucky, feller!

    Apr 13, 2009 at 2:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Brunogirl

      one’s

      LOL

      Stiffening hoo-haw related bits…. ;)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 3:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   mamason bang

    Hoo-Haw? Wasn’t that a tv show in the ’70s?

    Apr 13, 2009 at 3:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   mamason bang

      *gigglebrax fail*

      Apr 13, 2009 at 4:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason,

      I think you’re thinking of Dr. Hoo Haw, a low budget British sci-fi series about a interplanetary gynecologist with a shape-shifting penis that also functioned as an impromptu ATM.

      (The show was largely responsible for two generations of English boys growing up with feelings of profound inadequacy.)

      Apr 13, 2009 at 4:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason,

      I lived in London for six years. We should go there, sometime. I’d be happy to show you around the Tube. Don’t worry about anything. I’ll mind your gap.

      Apr 13, 2009 at 4:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   bored

      Eiffel tower yay!

      Apr 13, 2009 at 4:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   TheOldSchool bang

    bored,

    La Tour Eiffel is in Berlin. It’s pretty. Mussolini built it to honor his countrymen’s bravery during the Falklands War. Stupid Brazilians.

    Apr 13, 2009 at 5:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   se

    That ‘men, I don’t understand. chocolate, I’m an expert’ could be changed to ‘nude sex ahead’

    Apr 13, 2009 at 6:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    Just my luck. As soon as I start to seriously think of studying Spanish, they change it!!

    Apr 13, 2009 at 9:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    I’d hate to live in that town.
    The thought of being limited to a Community Drug instead of being allowed my drug of choice is abhorrent!!
    Pro-choice people are being discriminated against all over it seems.

    Apr 14, 2009 at 1:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    “Our signs will end if people don’t leave them alone…so stop fucking with the zodiac!”

    and no more playing connect-the-dots on star charts!

    Apr 14, 2009 at 1:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    On the telephone number sign…how can we be sure that’s the right number if people have been messing with their sign?

    Apr 14, 2009 at 1:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    In other news, ICE cryptologists raided La Luna today…

    Apr 14, 2009 at 1:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Canthz_B bang

    Upon seeing the”La Luna” sign, Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County Arizona announced the formation of a signboard profiling task-force.

    “We can’t have red numbers and black letters mixing together in public. It’s a threat to public safety, and it’s not very American either!”, the Sheriff was overheard telling a subordinate.
    A barely audible “Yazza Boss” was heard in reply from the subordinate.

    Apr 14, 2009 at 2:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Norman

    can’t say i blame them for stealing la luna’s letters. think of it as the only way to get back at them for their AWFUL food.

    Apr 14, 2009 at 6:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   voidseraph

    “Community drug drive-thru” is so, so good. i wish i had a car….

    Apr 16, 2009 at 12:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Mungo

    That Community Drug is in Torrington, Wyoming. Close to Nebraska, but no cigar, Chicago boy!

    Apr 21, 2009 at 9:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Now that's just tacky. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] askin’ for it [...]

    Apr 12, 2010 at 7:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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