I’ve observed the same types of human “misreads” with Red Eared Slider turtles.

(“He’s not a narcissist, he just likes sitting on the rock more than the other one.” “No, I don’t think she has OCD.”)

Everyone thinks they’re an animal psychology expert all of a sudden, whenever a couple of Red Eared Sliders enter the picture.

Hey, bub, how about diagnosing yourself for once. The turtles are alright.

Well, I shouldn’t be so absolutely declarative.

I know that I certainly wouldn’t want to meet up with my mother that way.

I could jokingly have myself debating: my mom….or the free pills? But it wouldn’t honest.

She’s a sweet lady.

Addicting?

I remember licking woman for like eight hours on mushrooms once. Every inch of her body. She was so responsive, I couldn’t not keeping doing it.

She was the mother of one of my friends.

A year or so later she was riding in a car with some people I knew. The driver was trying to make a traffic light, and drove too fast making an abrupt left turn. She was in the rear passenger seat with a jar of 100 hits of pharmaceutical something or anothers on her lap, but apparently her door wasn’t closed all the way.
As the car went into the sharp turn, the door flew open, and she rolled out onto the pavement with the pills flying everywhere. There were a bunch of people around, some of whom helped her, while many of of the others busied themselves scooping up pills and stuffing them into their pockets. She just had scrapes and bruises, but still, it was one of the situations that call out for a high pitched voice-over saying: AWKWARD.

She did love the sensual gestures….

Actually, that should have read: “I tried to give make-shift hickies to a couple of the more attractive fish via a straw.”

One more thing regarding the two fish who hung back at feeding time. It turns out, that if there was anyone who should have been embarrassed, it was me.

Months later, I learned that one of them was, in fact, a dude.

I’ve got nothing against gays, bi’s, lesbians, or trannies, but, c’mon TOS, do your homework!

straw hickeys, that’s new. fish can get so jealous, though.

Is masturbation better stoned?

I know music sounds better.

And when I make weird faces in the mirror, they make me laugh more when I’m stoned.

I’ve never done the aquarium cock dunk stoned, but once, after smoking some hash, I stuck a straw into the tank and tried to a couple of the more attractive fish make-shift hickies via the straw.

They seemed to enjoy it, but, for the next week or so, whenever I fed the fish, those two hung back, just a little.

I can’t help but feel that the others must have teased them about interspecies dating, and they were slightly embarrassed about the whole thing.

It wasn’t even a date! It just happened. (I’m thinking the others were jealous that they didn’t get the straw suck treatment.)

By the way, there were no hickie marks whatsoever.

Not in a long time.

You shouldn’t feel guilty about feeling good, though. You also shouldn’t ever get to a point where you’re desparate.

A lot of things are more fun when you’re stoned.

Don’t be blue, we understood completely. Why do you think we’re here?