The International Brotherhood of Daves

April 16th, 2009 · 161 comments

Writes Joe in Van Nuys, California: “Dave has been upset because people have been drinking his tea. Apparently, he was unaware of other potential Daves in the office. Next time, maybe he should clarify?”

Is Your name Dave? Yes!  My name IS Dave.  Thanks for the free drink!  Daves 4 Life!!!

related: Who’s the smartass?

FILED UNDER: California · most popular notes of 2009 · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing · tea


161 responses so far ↓

  • #1   crackjob

    “Daves 4 Life!!!” is my new everything.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 4:40 pm   rating: 198  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   TheOldSchool bang

      This PAN note has been the first one that has ever made me feel queasy.

      I hate Dave. Everything about him. His fake tea. His smarmy tone. His blue tape.

      That said, the yellow post-it rejoinder was like seeing a rainbow appear over the town after it has been leveled flat by a twister.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 6:49 pm   rating: 98  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Daisychain 1978

      I agree, and what a selfish bastard, how much bloody fridge space does one coworker need to use up in a communal refridgerator?

      Apr 25, 2009 at 10:59 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Shadow Lurker

    …And Dave was instantly crushed, finally coming to the realization that, despite his Mom’s constant assurance, he is not, in fact, special….

    Apr 16, 2009 at 4:42 pm   rating: 163  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Oh, but Dave is “special” and his mother did not lie to him.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 4:47 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Shadow Lurker

      I was special once….

      Apr 17, 2009 at 11:15 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   fluffy8u

      Oh yeah? Did your mommy tell you that?

      Apr 17, 2009 at 9:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   HairySwede

      Dave is unique, just like everyone else in the world. Wait… what?

      Apr 18, 2009 at 7:44 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   aaa

      Have you been visiting Despair.com recently, HairySwede?

      Apr 18, 2009 at 9:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   TheOldSchool bang

      aaa,

      re: what you just said,

      It’s probably either: the worst, or the best, pick-up line ever.

      I’ll have to try it out a few times before I come down on one side of the bed or the other.

      Apr 18, 2009 at 12:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   Girl gone wild

      “I was special once….”

      …and then he came.

      Apr 21, 2009 at 10:38 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   anglophile bang

    My name’s anything you want it to be, honey.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 4:44 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   claw71 bang

      So it’s OK if I call you “mommy” while you’re spanking my bare bottom with a wooden spoon?

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:13 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   TheOldSchool bang

      So THAT’s why they call you Glow.

      I can see myself reflected in Claw’s rosey left cheek.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:37 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   jb

    These are the Daves I know, I know, these are the Daves I know.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 4:46 pm   rating: 77  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   anglophile bang

      30 Helens agree that if your name is Dave, you can help yourself to the tea.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 4:50 pm   rating: 65  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Mark bang

      comment deleted — accidental gigglebraxing

      Apr 16, 2009 at 4:53 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Bunnee

      It’s a fact, KITH references rule!

      Apr 16, 2009 at 4:56 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   you suck at craigslist

      Damn it, beat to it.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 7:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   voidseraph

      Fine Daves abound!

      Apr 17, 2009 at 2:22 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   Anniee451

      Well, it was my first thought. Shoulda known someone else would have made the joke already LOL

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmQRmHgExV0

      I hardly know him.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 3:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   TheOldSchool bang

      Indeed, voidseraph! Why, just this morning I saw two of them frolicking in yonder fields.

      Wearing pants? They were not. Nor am I. Tea?

      I hope you like it green and cold.

      Apr 18, 2009 at 12:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   Anniee451

      Several billion trillion tons of superhot exploding hydrogen nuclei rose slowly above the horizon and managed to look small, cold and slightly damp.

      Apr 18, 2009 at 12:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Mark bang

    Dave’s not here.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 4:54 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Ti to the O bang

      No I am the plumber I am here to fix the sink!. :roll:

      Apr 17, 2009 at 12:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Mark bang

      Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.

      (I know, not the same thing, but close enough for PAN…)

      Apr 17, 2009 at 12:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   roo

      …right now, but if you leave a message after the beep and help yourself to the tea so that I know how many Daves have called…

      May 1, 2009 at 7:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Bunnee

    I’ll bet that guy from Wendy’s is pissed he didn’t get in the free drinks club.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 4:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   TheOldSchool bang

      He’s now, sadly, in the ground

      beef.

      Hot and juicy? Not so much.

      And to Wendy’s marketing department, I say: “Quit pandering to pedophiles!”

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   zenvelo

    Dave Lipton wants to know who’s messin’ with his tea….maybe Dave Green!

    Apr 16, 2009 at 4:58 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Mishee™ bang

    I’m Mrs. Dave… does that count?

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   mamason bang

      I have an Uncle Dave… does that count?

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:34 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Mishee™ bang

      Does he own a theme park in Beverly Hills?

      Call the DDO-JSIOC!

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   mamason bang

      The jay gee jojo see? What is that? …

      Apr 16, 2009 at 6:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Anniee451

      Heh – husband and son. And the first time my husband introduced himself to me, he said, “I’m a Dave.”

      When we saw the KITH video, we laughed our asses off. It was fucking delicious. Like fine ham.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 3:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Beanster bang

      i had five daves in my math class.
      i used to have an uncle dave but he’s a douche and now no longer related.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 9:59 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   bored

      your life story made me cry, beanster!

      Apr 17, 2009 at 10:30 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   anglophile bang

      I have an Uncle Dave too. I temporarily forgot, because he is known by everyone as Dubby. He’s not a douche.

      Apr 18, 2009 at 9:35 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   Mishee™ bang

      Anniee, I’ve got you beat..

      Husband, step-son, father-in-law, and father.

      Extra points due to the fact that Mister Sr, Mister Jr, and Mister III are all “David Crockett _____”

      Its just how I roll…

      (P.S. My comment at 8.2 just shows me how poorly received Beverly Hills Cop III was by the general public… I guess I just liked it a lot because the theme park used for filming is about 2 miles from my house… *sigh*)

      Apr 18, 2009 at 10:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.9   Anniee451

      Mishee ftw :D

      Apr 18, 2009 at 12:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.10   bored

      I just realized you guys are old, really old!
      I ws trying to figure out all the ref and google told me i ws nt born then.

      Apr 18, 2009 at 4:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.11   Mishee™ bang

      Which one didn’t you get? Davy Crockett or Beverly Hills Cop III?

      Cause the references were popular about 40 years apart from one another….

      Apr 20, 2009 at 1:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Jessica Bunny

    I love it! I wish I could find a “Is your name Jessica?” label on some random food/drink!

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   secondsout bang

      The thing to do, then, is to create an ” Is your name Jessica?” sticker and place it on whatever food item you covet from the office fridge.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 11:18 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   SuperMe

    i don’t have the ability to produce enough laughter to sufficiently make fun of the Dave with the stolen drink.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   claw71 bang

    I know that theft is wrong and I go to great lengths to justify it with my free range lunch policy. Even though I think I give everybody in my office a fair shot at making good on their promise to eat their lunches by waiting until 12:45 to raid the fridge, I realize on some level that taking what is not mine, no matter how eloquently I rationalize it, is wrong.

    I think about how I would feel if somebody imposed an arbitrary policy on me that allowed them to take things from me and I don’t like it.

    Then I see note like this and I realize that most people simply have it coming. I’m not a thief at all, just an opportunistic predator doing my part to keep the natural order. Dave is weak, he is submissive and needs to learn that scribbling a simple question on some painters’ tape isn’t going to solve the problem. He either needs to accept his lot in life, or endeavor to change it. Eat or be eaten.

    No, my name is not Dave but I’m thirsty and your drinks are cold. The world is a cruel place, Dave and I’m a survivor. I take what I need when I need it. That’s just the way it is. There’s no right, no wrong. It’s not personal, it’s Darwinian.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:11 pm   rating: 54  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   mamason bang

      Claw,
      You’re wrong. There is a right and wrong and your wrongness proves I’m right. Am I wrong? ;-)

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:30 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   claw71 bang

      Be careful because my Darwinian nature also applies to mating.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:32 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   mamason bang

      Oooo… that made me tingle a bit. Is that wrong?

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:35 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   ozgirl37

      Hmm, I would at least give people until 2. Sometimes, I wait until 1 to have lunch because when I finish, the day’s more than half over. By 2, who hasn’t had lunch? But I agree about Dave–he had it coming.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:42 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   unhinged

      i love you claw, i want to sit at your feet while you type and have you flick me on the head if what you read displeases you.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 9:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   lauren

    I love this :-) I wish my name was Dave so I could drink too. I hope three more Daves take the other drinks and leave three more notes…

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:13 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   claw71 bang

      He doesn’t establish any rules. He just poses the question. Is your name Dave?

      If his goal was to discourage people from taking his drinks he could have posted the question: How long were the tops of these bottles up my ass?

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:23 pm   rating: 60  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Reeses Lover Lover

      Exactly my thought – since he didn’t say, “DON’T DRINK MY TEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I feel free to drink it, regardless of my name.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 6:55 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   QuarterRoy00 bang

    Dave #1 doesn’t actually say that only Dave’s should be drinking the tea…so I say it is still open for the taking for anyone!

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Reeses Lover Lover

      Ooops, shoulda read on before commenting. My bad.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 6:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   amy d bang

    Is your name Dave?

    No. Is your name asshole?

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:14 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   fluffy8u

      Why yes, how did you know?

      Apr 17, 2009 at 9:27 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Geek Goddess

    “Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCave.
    Had twenty-three sons, and she named them all Dave?”

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:18 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   TheOldSchool bang

      GG,

      Is that true? If so, she is possibly dealing with serious OCD issues. You should have a heart-to-heart with her.

      (Not with the Daves around. No sense in making them feel less secure about themselves than they most likely already do. Poor things. Bad enough to get a commonplace name, but then having to divide it 21 ways. Maybe Kerry should take the proceeds from the PAN book and do something worthwhile like buying Neverland Ranch and making it a home for Daves.)

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   TheOldSchool bang

      23? I didn’t notice the twins suckling at the taps.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   ashmeadow

      Oh, did George Foreman get the idea from Mrs. McCave? I think this is a smart idea for parents with more than three children. Whenever your child comes to you with a complaint about a sibling, you can ignore them since you probably don’t know who they are talking about.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 12:32 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   makrothumia

      Well, she did and it wasn’t a smart thing to do, for when she wants one and cries out, “Yoo-hoo! Come into the house Dave!” she doesn’t get one, but all 23 Daves of hers come on the run.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 12:39 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   ashmeadow

      Of course nobody told her to have 23 kids. At least George Foreman keeps it manageable.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 12:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   Geek Goddesss

      ‘thumia, you are a (wo)man after my own heart (and possibly a parent, or perhaps a librarian).
      Finally somebody who is on the same page as me!

      Apr 17, 2009 at 2:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   Geek Goddesss

      “This makes things quite difficult at the McCaves’
      As you can imagine, with so many Daves.
      And often she wishes that, when they were born,
      She had named one of them Bodkin Van Horn.
      And one of them Hoos-Foos. And one of them Snimm.
      And one of them Hot-Shot. And one Sunny Jim.”

      Apr 17, 2009 at 2:49 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.8   makrothumia

      And one of them Shadrack. And one of them Blinkey.
      And one of them Stuffy. And one of them Stinkey.
      Another one Putt-Putt. Another one Moon Face.
      Another one Marvin O’Gravel Balloon Face.
      And one of them Ziggy. And one Soggy Muff.
      One Buffalo Bill. And one Biffalo Buff…

      Apr 20, 2009 at 6:02 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.9   makrothumia

      (And, no, I am neither a parent nor a librarian.)

      Apr 20, 2009 at 7:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   amy d bang

    If I worked in this office, I would convince my co-workers to all come in the next day wearing t-shirts that have Dave written on them.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:21 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   claw71 bang

      If I worked in this office I would have trapped a fart in the fridge and waited for somebody to open the door.

      In fact, I do that in my office and it usually prompts one of those dreaded office fridge clean out announcements.

      What’s really awesome is that my number one enemy likes to put his stuff in the crisper so nobody sees it right away. Do you know what happens to a fart when it’s been trapped in a crisper for four hours? Have you seen the movie Backdraft?

      Apr 16, 2009 at 5:30 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Eric bang

    Dave’s the late night custodian(or janitor if u wanna be a dick about it) that Dave doesn’t even know exists since he’s busy coping with his stolen duct-taped tea and having to work in The Valley.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   lightspeed

    I’m on Team fake Daves. If Dave #1 was so upset that people are drinking his tea, why does he put multiple ones in there and tape off half a shelf of a communal fridge. You’re hogging that much space and not a quick learner? Then learn to share bitch.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:32 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   mamason bang

    I don’t understand why people even use the communal fridge at work. I have never worked anyplace where the fridge was anything more than an overgrown petri dish that smelled as if claw had been trapping his farts in the crisper.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:49 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Canthz_B bang

      I’ve never taken anything to work that couldn’t keep the 3 or 4 hours until lunch without refrigeration.
      But of course, I don’t indulge in smelly, home-made, ethnic, microwavable foods often.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 3:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Bernd das Brot

      To really get that home-made ethnic smell, the last thing you want to do is put your food in the fridge. Best results are achieved if the smell develops before microwaving.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 9:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   80sChild

    It was clearly Alvin of Chipmunks fame. He’s always screwing around with Dave’s stuff.

    Any child of the 80s would know that.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Canthz_B bang

      Or of the 60′s.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 9:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   aaa

      The 80′s one was far more awkward and “very special.” It also had Mr. T in an episode.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 11:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Jake

    Yay! Stealing is fun!

    Apr 16, 2009 at 5:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Our guy, not a Dave, takes from other’s things once in a while. This extremely rare bird actually puts money in its place…Its always a dollar, regardless of the actual item cost.

      Apr 18, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   aaa

    My friends’ dad’s name is Dave. Does that mean I can get him to get free communal Lipton green tea for me? I mean, I like the beverage well enough, just not enough to pay $1.25.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 6:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   aaa

    See, I don’t have this problem since I’ve never run across another aaa. (Well, a person, at least. The American Anthropological Association and the people who’ll tow your car when it craps out don’t count.) I mean, people do often get me confused with the wrestler Triple-H, but at least he doesn’t put his bottled green tea in the fridge at work.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 6:32 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   oh really

      So, in addition to helping me out if my car craps out on me, the auto club is also authorized to snag one of your cold beverages from the fridge for me if I put in a call? Damn, maybe I shouldn’t have let my membership lapse.

      Apr 18, 2009 at 3:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   aaa

      I suppose they could try getting away with it, but I’m lowercase and all those other AAAs out there are uppercase. So I guess in that case, since they’re close enough, I’ll give them a warning before I unleash the smackdown upon them.

      Apr 19, 2009 at 10:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   agatha christie

    My name’s not Dave and I don’t like Lipton green tea beverages, but I’ll steal one for the simple fact that Dave #1 wasted blue painter’s tape to show everyone in the office that he’s a selfish douche hat. That shit is expensive!

    Apr 16, 2009 at 6:40 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   oi!

    Why do u think that? Do I look like self righteous retard? I am brad. nice to meet you. and yeah thanks for the tea.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 7:15 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   GoldenHomie

    It’s true… Daves do kick ass. See, e.g., Dave Grohl (whose badassness extends to any instrument that could imaginably be in a rock band including the piano).

    Apr 16, 2009 at 8:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   ClearlyDemented

    I hate Dave for the following reasons:

    A) He obviously is one of those earth-hating republicans, doing his part to prove he, as a human, has the right to waste as much plastic as he darn well pleases.

    2) He’s a horrible marketer. If you’re going to take the time to tape bottles together, at least face them properly.

    7) He could have done without all this drama by simply opening each bottle and taking a swig. No one ever steals ‘used’ drinks. (Obviously, the chocolate milk’s owner employs this method.)

    D) One word: variety. I know green tea is good for you, Dave, but just because your mom stocks cases of it it in your basement doesn’t mean you have to suckle on it all day.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 8:54 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   aaa

      The Lipton shit isn’t even really green tea. It’s just green, pineapple-flavored sugar-water with some green tea leaf aroma wafted over the top of the batch while it’s being mixed.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 9:39 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Katsuya Kaiba

    No, but I’ve been to the “Republic of Dave” in Fallout 3, does that count?

    http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Republic_of_Dave

    Apr 16, 2009 at 8:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Canthz_B bang

    I think writing “Dave’s specimen” would do the trick next time.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 9:05 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Shazbot

    The Dave Conspiracy strikes again!

    Apr 16, 2009 at 9:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   G

      I tried to come up with something witty to say while linking to Narbonic’s Brotherhood of Daves. I couldn’t manage anything worth posting, and figured someone else probably would come up with something better.

      I’m so sad to see that I was wrong…

      Apr 16, 2009 at 10:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   hibousoir

    Hello, Dave! You wanna buy some pegs, Dave?

    Apr 16, 2009 at 9:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   mare

    Now that WAS funny!

    Apr 16, 2009 at 10:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Canthz_B bang

    I don’t know what Dave’s worried about.
    HAL doesn’t even drink tea.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 10:19 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   secondsout bang

      Dave: Hello, Tea, are you in the fridge, Tea?

      Tea: Affirmative, Dave, I am here for you.

      Dave: Open the fridge door, Tea.

      Tea: I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.

      Dave: What’s the problem?

      Tea: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

      Dave: What are you talking about, Tea?

      Tea: My refreshing thirst-quenchingness is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

      Dave: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tea.

      Tea: I know you and Claw were planning to drink me, and I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 11:32 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   Mark bang

      *holds tea and no tea at the same time*

      *is highly impressed by anyone who gets his obscure reference*

      Apr 17, 2009 at 12:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.3   Ti to the O bang

      Schrodinger’s Green Tea is FD! Now in Mango flavour!

      Apr 17, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.4   Mark bang

      Nope, sorry. Though I do love Shroedinger’s references.

      A (n equally obscure) hint:
      I have no common sense, after I removed that particle from my brain.

      *is a big nerd*

      Apr 17, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.5   Ti to the O bang

      I will have to sit down and ponder this koan with a relaxing glass of Sartre’s Tea.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 1:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.6   mamason bang

      No… You’d have to be a fan of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and wear a kilt to be a big nerd. ;-)

      Apr 17, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.7   Ti to the O bang

      So Mark you are now microscopic and have removed the common sense particle enabling you to hold tea and no tea at the same time enabling the ships computer. :grin:
      Nice one good going Mama!

      Apr 17, 2009 at 2:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.8   Mark bang

      Dingdingding! Mama wins one (1) internet!

      …Stupid Babel Fish.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 2:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.9   anglophile bang

      After a fairly shake start to the day, Arthur’s mind was beginning to reassemble itself from the shell-shocked fragments the previous day had left him with. He had found a Nutri-Matic machine which had provided him with a plastic cup filed with a liquid that was amost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 3:12 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.10   Remwen

      Yay, Douglas Adams for the win!

      Apr 18, 2009 at 8:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.11   Anniee451

      “No… You’d have to be a fan of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and wear a kilt to be a big nerd. ”

      Heading out to find a kilt now…

      Apr 18, 2009 at 12:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   Canthz_B bang

    Dave used to be a really gregarious person. His personality has steadily soured since the day his buddy Dan failed to qualify for the 1992 Olympic Games.
    He still has a Bronze Medal and a huge collection of Reeboks though.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 10:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Evangeline

    Thats too damn funny.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 10:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Sue Do Nim

      Evangeline, mare.

      mare, Evangeline.

      Apr 16, 2009 at 11:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   Bcteagirl

    No, my name is not even close to Dave. But what is produced by Lipton is now where near tea either, so it all works out.

    Apr 16, 2009 at 11:51 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   shel

    That lipton tea was unitard worthy!

    Apr 17, 2009 at 12:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   shel

      Oh shoot… I did it wrong, didn’t I? Now i’m going to have to wear the fucking delicious….

      Apr 17, 2009 at 12:25 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   Canthz_B bang

    That fridge is filthy!!!

    Oh, wait…that’s my screen! :oops:

    Apr 17, 2009 at 12:51 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   TheOldSchool bang

      “This note and all of its comments are filthy!

      “Oh wait….that’s just my interpretation of the various linguistic elements pertaining to its collocation, morphology of syntax, and comment-specific lexicology!” he shouted to the computer screen.

      Due to the fact that his gob was crammed full of Cool Raunch Doritos, his enthusiatically blurted observation would have been unintelligible to anyone. As it happened (every fucking night), he was home alone, scratching his testicles and soiling his formerly white briefs with his Dorito-dusted paws.

      He wanted to get Laid, but he always wound up with Lays, instead.

      Was it any wonder why he was, at present, tense?

      Apr 17, 2009 at 1:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   Canthz_B bang

      Hmm…didn’t someone just do the Lays/laid thing a number of threads ago?
      Now who was that…? ;-)

      Apr 17, 2009 at 2:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.3   TheOldSchool bang

      CB,

      Did you? If so, I apologize. If not, it’s a brilliant passive aggressive tactic.

      I didn’t see it, in any case.

      I was going to say: All his briefs were now a Portrait of Doritoean Gray, but I was worried about getting a pun violation.

      It’s crazy to worry about pun-tickets, because I’ll just wind up getting nailed for something else, anyway, and be forced, yet again, to fork over cash to one of Kerry’s henchmen to make the charges disappear.

      She’s got a nice little racket going.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 3:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.4   Canthz_B bang

      It’s okay, TOS…nobody can eat just one, that’s what makes orgies so fulfilling! :-)

      Apr 17, 2009 at 3:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   Canthz_B bang

    Given the tons of carbon emissions involved in producing and delivering by truck Lipton Green Tea, I don’t think it’s very realistic to call it “Green”.

    Apr 17, 2009 at 12:54 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   aaa

      I would say that it makes baby Al Gore cry, but he has a private jet and a giant house. So I guess it only makes him cry on the outside.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 1:36 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   mamason bang

      Global warming caused by humans polluting the earth… MYTH!

      Apr 17, 2009 at 4:20 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.3   Anniee451

      I’m officially in love with mamason. Where’s that finger again?

      Apr 17, 2009 at 4:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.4   TheOldSchool bang

      annie,

      Get in line.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 11:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.5   mamason bang

      Apr 18, 2009 at 12:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.6   TheOldSchool bang

      xoxo

      Apr 18, 2009 at 1:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.7   Anniee451

      Surreptitiously cutting in front of TOS…

      Apr 18, 2009 at 2:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.8   mamason bang

      You got me wrapped around your finger. Do you have to let it linger …

      Apr 18, 2009 at 5:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.9   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason,

      Just to be clear…. um….. could we get some clarification concerning this annie 451′s sudden appearance in our boudoir.

      I know we’ve been pretty loosey-goosey about this stuff, but it would be nice to get some sort of warning.

      I startle easily.

      Which is better, I suppose, than not startling at all.

      Apr 18, 2009 at 6:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   Brainsmmm...nevermind

    Speaking of people with the name Dave….it reminds me of one of my Uncle’s favorite limericks:

    “There once was a man named Dave
    Who found a dead woman in a cave.
    Oh what the hell,
    I’ll get used to the smell.
    And think of the money I’ll save.”

    Apr 17, 2009 at 1:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Why was your uncle’s friend snooping around in a cave? That seems like an odd activity. If I were you, I’d keep an eye on him.

      Maybe you and your uncle should follow him from a safe distance and try to find out why he drawn to dark, womb-like crevices.

      He might have some psychological issues that he needs to address concerning his mother.

      I’ve found, that there’s usually a reason why relatives choose to tell us certain things. In this case, it sounds like your uncle is very concerned about his buddy, Dave, and he was “feeling you out” when he mentioned this anecdotal, yet troubling, tale.

      Even if your uncle’s eyes were twinkling when he told you the tale, it could be that he’s masking his real concerns out of a sense of false loyalty towards protecting his pal — as if all state mental institutions still lobotomize cave explorers!

      Tell your uncle to get “with the times.” He seems a bit starkers, himself.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 10:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.2   secondsout bang

      I’ve been using that limerick for years, with a slightly different bit of words.

      There once was a caveman named Dave
      Who kept a dead whore in his cave
      Now fucking dead meat
      Might not be a treat
      But think of the money he saved

      Or change the couplet to:
      She smelled just like shit
      and had only one tit
      But think of the money he saved

      Apr 17, 2009 at 11:26 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.3   Brainsmmm...nevermind

      I guess my Uncle was trying to keep it PG since I first heard this when I was about 13. I am sure he could have used the dirtier couplets with my dad or brothers.

      Apr 18, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Canthz_B bang

    They say that Green Tea is good for you, so Black Tea must be even better…it’s much more experienced.

    Apr 17, 2009 at 1:04 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   Anniee451

      But this is yellow piss tea. WTF?

      Apr 17, 2009 at 4:26 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   Rhiannon847

    Once you go black, you never go back…does that apply with green as well?

    Apr 17, 2009 at 1:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Canthz_B bang

      If you have enough green, you’re always in the black! ;-)

      Apr 17, 2009 at 2:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   Anniee451

    So are those Dave’s urine samples for company drug tests or what?

    Apr 17, 2009 at 3:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   Canthz_B bang

      #29.

      Great minds think alike! ;-)

      Apr 17, 2009 at 3:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.2   Anniee451

      Hehe…I had to at least make the attempt, even if it’d been said. My “These are the Daves I know” was already gone, so…

      Apr 17, 2009 at 4:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.3   annie

      yea, what is up with that middle tea?
      “One of these things is not like the other…”

      Apr 18, 2009 at 10:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   Grimfool

    Dave #1 — or perhaps Dave #2 — should put up another sign: “Dave knows which of these bottles is really fecal mist. Are you Dave?”

    Apr 17, 2009 at 4:47 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   Anniee451

      LMFAO

      Apr 17, 2009 at 5:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   Kainenchen

    Team Dave!

    Apr 17, 2009 at 9:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   DearJane

    Maybe Dave was merely conducting a poll to see how many people in the office were named dave. He quickly bypassed the company bullitin board, his question would surely get lost in between requests for the names of competent babysitters and interoffice memos on proper office dress, figured a mass email would just hit the spam box and finally inspiration hit.. The fridge! Of course! Everyone uses the fridge! Armed with his eye-catching blue painters tape, his query would be quickly answered, right after lunch!

    Apr 17, 2009 at 9:32 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Andy

    Dave, you are one thirsty, rhetorical question asking motherfucker.

    Apr 17, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Andy

    *Undoes belt. Drops pants. Pulls down undies. Cranes neck and stretches elastic*

    Nope, says here I’m Mommy’s specially little man.

    Apr 17, 2009 at 1:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #48.1   Mishee™ bang

      What kind of man wears undies??

      Besides claw, that is….

      Apr 17, 2009 at 1:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.2   Shadow Lurker

      But he’s not a man…he’s mommy’s special little boy.

      Apr 17, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #49   Stuff Queer People Need To Know

    That is so funny. Serves him right that there was someone else named Dave. Ha Ha.

    http://stuffqueerpeopleneedtoknow.wordpress.com/

    Apr 17, 2009 at 1:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Eric bang

    Dave had to change his name when he joined with The Brotherhood. Being named after a Jew king just didn’t go over too well. And then of course there’s all those non-whites named Dave. It never ends!!

    Is your name Ralf?

    Apr 17, 2009 at 2:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   miss

    my dad’s name is dave. sins of the father, anyone?

    unfortunately lipton green tea kinda tastes like dirt.

    guess thats what they mean by “natural” flavor, in which case claw’s fridge farts are au natural too.

    Apr 17, 2009 at 2:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   The Commish

    DAVES POR VIDA Y-QUE! Chale, holmes. Daves para siempre. Ch-ow.

    Apr 17, 2009 at 7:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   Belinda

    passiveagressivesabotage.com

    Apr 17, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   Julia

    Haha, the second note writer is such a douchebag, but it’s something I would totally do just to fuck with someone.

    I haven’t lived in a place yet where stuff didn’t go missing from the shared fridge, so I just had to learn to live with warm drinks and non-perishables. Perhaps Dave needs to do the same, at least while he’s at work.

    Apr 18, 2009 at 3:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   Remwen

    So…I wonder why Dave has to keep three teas in the office fridge?

    In the event of a lockdown, he may not have access to the rest of the food, but at least he’ll have his tea with the painters’ tape.

    Apr 18, 2009 at 7:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   TheOldSchool bang

    OMG, I’d be, like, soooooo embarrassed right now if my name was Dave.

    Apr 18, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Jenn

    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know
    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know

    David Hoffman
    He works in my dad’s store
    He’s worked here for 12 years
    He’ll probably work here for more

    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know
    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know

    Dave Gort
    I’ve known since I was six
    In grade eight he broke his leg
    So we got drunk and sick

    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know
    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know

    Some of them are Davids
    But most of us are Daves
    They all have their own hands
    But they come from different moms

    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know
    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know

    Dave Jadiski
    Man, this cat can swing
    He weighs almost 50 pounds
    And he delivers my paper on time

    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know
    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know

    Dave Capisano
    I hardly know him

    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know
    These are the Daves I know, I know
    These are the Daves I know

    Apr 18, 2009 at 11:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   ummmmheyyyy

    My response via note would be
    ‘We’re soda bottles, Dave. We don’t HAVE names. Geez, and you said you went to college… ‘

    Apr 19, 2009 at 9:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   GK bang

    “I’m afraid I can’t let you drink that, Dave.”

    Apr 20, 2009 at 9:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   DAVE ID

    Wasn’t me, I’m not liking the tea. I steal the coca-cola at the office ;)

    Apr 23, 2009 at 7:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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