I’ll admit, my first thought upon reading this note — found in the hallways of an American high school — was something along the lines of “Argh, kids today, with their chatspeak!” Can we all agree that adolescent girls are probably the most passive-aggressive creatures on earth?
related: 2 good 2 be 4gotten
220 responses so far ↓
#1
Ev
“can we all agree that adolescent girls are probably the most passive-aggressive creatures on earth?”
I’m actually going to have to go with their moms on this one. No one is as passive-aggressive as a mom.
Except maybe my ex boyfriend. Dammitt now you have me thinking in the morning. So not right.
Apr 23, 2009 at 12:54 pm rating: 44
#2
GhostWriter
I only got so far as to imagine a Jello wrestling match between Ashley Cage and Ashley Club.
Apr 23, 2009 at 12:55 pm rating: 21
#3
oi!
What’s W/B? with bile?
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:02 pm rating: 9
#4
anglophile
You know that thing you do where you bring up a potentially touchy topic in a real off-hand manner, like you just thought of it? That doesn’t work so well in writing.
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:04 pm rating: 104
#5
not gen anything
w/b is write back
This note isn’t aggressive. Merely pitiful.
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:05 pm rating: 8
#6
GhostWriter
Why did I lie?
…ummm, it was all part of a secret plan for a turn-around surprise party for you, but you just ruined it!
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:09 pm rating: 7
#7
Bunnee
Emma, she’s obviously not your friend because:
a) she DID lie to you
b) she didn’t invite you to her birthday party
My advice is to find some new friends who either:
a) won’t lie to you, or
b) don’t have birthdays
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:12 pm rating: 72
#8
oi!
Does she expect her to write back? To get extremely lame excuse? clearly girl does not take a hint.
either that or you have to be extra courageous to receive a blow like that on your self respect!
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:27 pm rating: 3
#9
edicius
I actually feel kind of bad for Emma. But then again, I was like her in high school, the “not friend”, so I kind of get it.
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:30 pm rating: 4
#10
Ti O
Emma never did recover from this social snubbing and later when she pole danced under the stage pseudonym “Xtacsy” she would think back to those days and how she would eventually get her revenge…
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:30 pm rating: 5
#11
crackjob
Kids these days. How do they keep track of all the Ashleys? Sooooo many Ashleys…
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:35 pm rating: 18
#12
oi!
So nowadays highschooler’s fav. past time is to keep track of bday parties, during bday parties?
Government is to blame really. Where are those day when weed was the fav. past time?
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:44 pm rating: 6
#13
liz
I’ve been enjoying your site since forever…and I never noticed that you don’t use caps. I’m a big fan…thanks for the daily chuckle!
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:47 pm rating: 3
#14
VB
I question it’s validity as H.S. note. While it seems to have had the required number of folds to protect it from prying eyes, it lacks the dirty and makeup smeared fingerprints of having passed through 10 sets of hands to reach the recipient.
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:50 pm rating: 4
#15
Katy
Yes. We can wholeheartedly and enthusiastically agree that adolescent girls are the most passive-aggressive creatures on the planet.
Except for Mother-in-laws. They’re worse.
Apr 23, 2009 at 1:55 pm rating: 7
#16
Blanketparty
MMmmm adolescent girls… It’d be fun to rape their tiny little assholes.
Apr 23, 2009 at 2:02 pm rating: 7
#17
mamason
I always wanted to be friends with girls like Emma when I was in highschool. Look at her perfectly adorable handwriting. And her mom buys her really cool pens with pink ink. Just think of the pink penis doodles Emma can do. *sigh* It all could have been so different.
Apr 23, 2009 at 2:12 pm rating: 28
#18
Mishee™
Actually kerry, I find your lowercase to be more “e.e. cummings-y”
but your spelling of “first” is appalling!
Apr 23, 2009 at 2:14 pm rating: 3
#19
CS Harmonikah
There are definite signs that this was from a generation slightly before the complete break-down of human language.
“you” instead of “u”
as well as completely illogical abbreviations like “wen” instead of “when”. It makes no sense. wtf.
If this is an old note, it’s starting to look like the Landlady note. People hang onto PA notes for a while.
Apr 23, 2009 at 2:44 pm rating: 5
#20
Geek Goddess
Did any one else think that she had the birthday party at softball camp on the first reading, or am I just special?
Apr 23, 2009 at 2:45 pm rating: 4
#21
CS Harmonikah
And never trust an Ashley. Much-less two of them.
Apr 23, 2009 at 2:46 pm rating: 13
#22
Mishee™
“ashleys cages bday party”?
Cages were involved? Sounds like my kind of party!
Apr 23, 2009 at 2:58 pm rating: 14
#23
jkc
my favorite part of this note is the awkward one-sided conversation at the beginning. maybe jessica is supposed to “w/b” to respond to “whatcha up to?” i also appreciate emma’s pre-emptive counter-response. she might be pathetic, but at least she’s efficient.
Apr 23, 2009 at 3:44 pm rating: 3
#24
BlackInk
Does any body else wonder why this was found in the hallway?
I bet that bitch Jessica read it in front of her friends, laughed about it and in plain view of everyone threw it away to show how cool she is. Then she went home and cried.
Poor Emma.
Apr 23, 2009 at 4:11 pm rating: 12
#25
claw71
Emma,
I don’t lie to friends.
Jessica
D/N w/b
Apr 23, 2009 at 4:53 pm rating: 25
#26
Eric
ASHLEYS!!!!
… scandalous!
meeting at the tire pile! no emmas or jessicas allowed!
Apr 23, 2009 at 4:56 pm rating: 6
#27
agatha christie
I’m surprised there isn’t a single pink penis on this note considering it’s written in eye-scorchingly pink ink that only teenage girls own.
Apr 23, 2009 at 5:49 pm rating: 2
#28
Fern
Love the bubble font.
Apr 23, 2009 at 6:27 pm rating: 1
#29
aaa
You are Jessica’s friend, Emma. You’re just what we like to call a second-tier friend.
Apr 23, 2009 at 8:15 pm rating: 12
#30
Neeners
By the time that note is translated they will be graduating seniors…… or drop outs.
Apr 23, 2009 at 9:35 pm rating: 0
#31
Canthz_B
Emma,
What happens at softball camp, stays at softball camp.
Just like if anything cool happened at band camp, it would stay there.
Jessica
Apr 23, 2009 at 10:35 pm rating: 6
#32
baldouting.blogspot.com
haha #32 so hilarious!
Apr 23, 2009 at 10:50 pm rating: 0
#33
Canthz_B
Ashleys’ parents knew she’d grow up to be a possessive bitch. They tried to name her Ashley’s so that whenever her name was written she’d gain ownership, but there was a clerical error at the hospital.
Apr 23, 2009 at 11:36 pm rating: 5
#34
Byatch
Technically, according to some psych lecturer I had, teenage girls aren’t passive-aggressive so much as overtly instrumentally aggressive – they use their social status and network of friends to bully other girls by excluding them. Looks familiar?
Apr 24, 2009 at 3:39 am rating: 6
#35
lauren
Emma the future lawyer:
Hey defendant, how r u? I’m cool, jst hangin out in this courtroom, u kno. O btw, did you kil dat guy?
Cz lyk 4 ppl sed u did, n kevin sed he saw u dump the body n evryfin, n u kno, dats not cool.
Let me kno! xxx
Apr 24, 2009 at 11:35 am rating: 23
#36
Woman on the Verge
Emma,
Like, why would you totally believe Ashley? I mean, she doesn’t even have her own name. She and that other Ashley and the fat one and the one who picks her nose all have the same name, you know, right?
So, do you wanna come over and listen to the awesome cd I got at my bday party?
Jessica
Apr 24, 2009 at 12:07 pm rating: 7
#37
fluffy8u
Dear Emma,
OMG! I totally LUV your outfit 2day. It reminds me of the top I got @ my bday parT… which…I didnt have …on account of my Nanna have a flair up of vomeria. Can we say ‘ew’?
Mr. Drier is totally buggin’. He’s all “Jessica, wat is blah blah blah squared?” I mean, HOW can u turn a number in2 a sqare? Talk about impossible, Drier. Sum 1 needs 2 gb2 skool. Lol.
Anyways u didnt miss much on my bday. jus a hole lotta gross sounds cuming from the bathroom. (again: ew)
<3s and kisses,
Jessica
P.S. Stop sleeping w/ my bf. Thanks, whore = )
Sorry for the tripeat of “Love Jessica”s. Ah teenagers, can we really despise them when they give us so much to laugh at?
Apr 24, 2009 at 1:00 pm rating: 15
#38
sugarlips
“friends don’t lie to friends”
“Lies make baby Jesus cry.”
–Todd Flanders
or was it Rod?
Apr 24, 2009 at 7:57 pm rating: 4
#39
mamason
Friends don’t lie 2 friends… but we will lie to our spouses.
Apr 24, 2009 at 8:00 pm rating: 0
#40
Canthz_B
Friends don’t lie on friends, unless they are friends-with-benefits.
A little lying to is good for a friendship…and no, your ass doesn’t look fat in those jeans!
*snickersbehindback*
Apr 24, 2009 at 10:06 pm rating: 5
#41
Julie
I love how she answers her own question: “Whatcha up 2? nm im in band…”
Did she not realize no one was asking her at the moment?
Wow.
Apr 25, 2009 at 4:28 am rating: 1
#42
geeklygirly
Emma,
hey wats up? So umm I guess no1 told you only lozers have birthdays now. Yeh we all went to ashleys’s party jus to make fun of her for being such a baby. and like wut was up with those cages? I thot they were gunna be the kind my mom dances in but instead it was sum kind of lame sports thing. N E wayz bdays are stupid and I decided im not having one this year (my mom says it don’t matter cuz I probs wont be moving up a grade next yr n e wayz) but don’t come over or call me next Saturday nite cuz Im gonna be like visiting my aunt in the hospital , yeah she’s like rlly rlly sick! NE wayz I hope we’re still friendz and u wont tell any1 I didn’t invite you to my bday party cuz IM not having one!!1!
BFF
Jessica
PS. if u want to get me a prezint ne way you can like leave it in my locker or something expectially if its a Twilite dvd
Apr 25, 2009 at 5:49 am rating: 1
#43
TheOldSchool
Emma,
I used to write notes like this when I was in pre-school.
I repeat: “in PRE-school.”
Why don’t you GROW up!?!?
Apr 25, 2009 at 2:50 pm rating: 1
#44
Sam
I thought all friends lied to all their friends? Is that not what the basis of friendship is?
Apr 25, 2009 at 6:22 pm rating: 1
#45
sirpent
anyone else notice how “myface” is written as one word?
talk about gen 2.0
May 4, 2009 at 3:29 pm rating: 0
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