Friends don’t lie 2 friends

April 23rd, 2009 · 220 comments

I’ll admit, my first thought upon reading this note — found in the hallways of an American high school — was something along the lines of “Argh, kids today, with their chatspeak!” Can we all agree that adolescent girls are probably the most passive-aggressive creatures on earth?

friends don't lie 2 friends

related: 2 good 2 be 4gotten

FILED UNDER: birthday · frenemies · mean girls · schools & teachers


220 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Ev

    “can we all agree that adolescent girls are probably the most passive-aggressive creatures on earth?”

    I’m actually going to have to go with their moms on this one. No one is as passive-aggressive as a mom.

    Except maybe my ex boyfriend. Dammitt now you have me thinking in the morning. So not right.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 12:54 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   GhostWriter bang

    I only got so far as to imagine a Jello wrestling match between Ashley Cage and Ashley Club.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 12:55 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   claw71 bang

      Nevertheless, I find the number of Ashleys involved in this fray to be a little disturbing.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 5:00 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   agatha christie

      I’m reminded of the cartoon “Recess” in which they had an Ashleys Club.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 5:41 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Kara

      Not that it makes any sort of difference, but I think it was ‘Ashley dubs’ as in Ashley W. Ashley Clubbs sounds like a great slogan for something though.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 1:52 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   ScottR

      While I have no ASHLEY references, it reminded me a bit of HEATHERS with Christian Slater and Winona Ryder.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 2:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   claw71 bang

      Scott, my dead gay son, that was a real reach.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 2:49 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   oi!

    What’s W/B? with bile?

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:02 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   anglophile bang

      It’s either Whale Bitch or Write Back, reader’s choice.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:05 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Joe bang

      WB? I thought the adolescent girls were watching the CW these days?

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:07 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   KatieMB bang

      I vote for Whale Bitch! Way to tell Jess what’s up, Em!

      Btw, Em? I’m not having a bday party either, but don’t ask Ashley about it. Kthx.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:13 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Ti O

      Ashley C is a lying gaped mouth whore that hitchhikes with a mattress strapped to her back! I didn’t have a party my g’ma and g’paw and my Aunt Flo came over and we had a cookiepuss. So she needs to shut her cum dumpster face! w/b

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:23 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   oi!

      Thnx glo

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   anglophile bang

    You know that thing you do where you bring up a potentially touchy topic in a real off-hand manner, like you just thought of it? That doesn’t work so well in writing.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:04 pm   rating: 106  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   not gen anything

      It does when you’re a teenage girl.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:06 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   amy d bang

      That’s interesting that you would say that, Glo, ’cause I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that California trip….

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:28 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   not gen anything

    w/b is write back

    This note isn’t aggressive. Merely pitiful.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:05 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Girl Friday

      Oh the things that come out at Softball Camp…

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:42 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Mishee™ bang

      Including half of the junior class team.

      Now they all want to be P.E. teachers who wear velcro band watches.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:46 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   mamason bang

      Softball camp? That’s nothing. This one time, at band camp…

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:02 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Mishee™ bang

      Did you stick a flute up your pussy mama?

      Cause that would really turn me on if you did.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Holiday Djinn

      Pics or it didn’t happen mamason! :D

      Apr 23, 2009 at 3:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   mamason bang

      OMG! You actually shocked me, Mishee! :lol:

      Apr 23, 2009 at 3:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   Mishee™ bang

      Yeah babe, I’d like to give you the shocker too…

      Although something tells me you won’t be as shocked as others would be.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 3:18 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.8   Bunnee

      Hint: a trombone works nicely, too! ;)

      Apr 23, 2009 at 3:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.9   mamason bang

      It’s not rusty, is it?

      Apr 23, 2009 at 3:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.10   Ti to the O bang

      Played by that foreign exchange kid from Jalisco named Sanchez

      Apr 24, 2009 at 9:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   GhostWriter bang

    Why did I lie?
    …ummm, it was all part of a secret plan for a turn-around surprise party for you, but you just ruined it!

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:09 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Bunnee

      Why did I lie?

      ….ummm, because you’re in band. Do I need to say more?

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:14 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   GhostWriter bang

      Why did I lie?

      …ummm, do you remember how you danced with Brandon at Prom? I do.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:18 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   KatieMB bang

      Um, Emma, it’s coz you don’t wear Hollister or Aeropostale, like OMG! Freak!

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:19 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Ti O

      Like duh I said something about Hot Topic and you said “oh you mean the shrinking rain forest?” Then I was like OMG. Plus, yeah, the whole band thing.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:28 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   unholyghost2003 bang

      Pshhh. Timo. Hot Topic is for the GOTH KIDS. ewww. No one named Ashley is ever Goth.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 8:58 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   ashmeadow

      Hot Topic is for the EMO kids! And yes there actually are a lot of Emo Ashleys. It was a backlash against the Valley Girl Ashleys.

      Apr 25, 2009 at 9:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Bunnee

    Emma, she’s obviously not your friend because:
    a) she DID lie to you
    b) she didn’t invite you to her birthday party

    My advice is to find some new friends who either:
    a) won’t lie to you, or
    b) don’t have birthdays

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:12 pm   rating: 74  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   mamason bang

      Emma,
      She’s just not that into you.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:03 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   mamason bang

      Congrats on Word! Yay, Bunnee!

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Bunnee

      Thanks, Mama! I try to tell myself that it’s sad that this really makes my day, but what can I say? I live a small, unimportant life and it really does make my day! :lol:

      Apr 23, 2009 at 3:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   mamason bang

      Are you kidding? I call friends and make them come to my house to look at it! They can’t just go online… they have to come over and we have cake and fruit! :lol:

      Apr 23, 2009 at 3:37 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Bunnee

      You always know just the right thing to say!

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Geek Goddess

      Fruitcake for everyone at Mama’s!

      Apr 23, 2009 at 6:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   oi!

    Does she expect her to write back? To get extremely lame excuse? clearly girl does not take a hint.
    either that or you have to be extra courageous to receive a blow like that on your self respect!

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   ClearlyDemented

      Exactly. What she should have done instead is broke up Jessica and her boyfriend by having all his friends tell him that she has herpes, then make out with him and post it online. When Jessica approaches her with the inevitable high school I-thought-we-were-friends bit, then she calmly says, oh, yeah, like friends that you invite to your birthday party, or like friends whose face you lie to? Then she purses her lips, closes her locker and walks away while Jessica stands there, mouth hung open.

      Oh, shit, gotta go…Degrassi starts in 5.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:45 pm   rating: 81  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Sirius bang

      Hair flip; needs more hair flip.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:45 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Bunnee

      …and flouncing.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Mishee™ bang

      Don’t forget that little shocked/upset gasp noise they make as they flip their hair and flounce away…

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:10 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Holly

      ClearlyDemented, I’m ROFL (almost-but-not-really). As the mother of a formerly teenaged girl (who has, I’m happy to say, outgrown the teen years), I was already picturing Degrassi before I got to the last line.

      Who’s more passive-aggressive? Grandmothers. Has to be the grandmothers. Mothers are just prone to fits of martyrdom.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:10 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   The Lion

      Oh yes, she does. And she will get a response jam packed with even more PA than the original note.

      I don’t miss high school. That note threw my mind right back there. I remember those notes well. Even the handwriting is the same…

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   edicius

    I actually feel kind of bad for Emma. But then again, I was like her in high school, the “not friend”, so I kind of get it.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Ti O

    Emma never did recover from this social snubbing and later when she pole danced under the stage pseudonym “Xtacsy” she would think back to those days and how she would eventually get her revenge…

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Mishee™ bang

      My sister in law was “Chastity” (yeah! okay!) and her revenge is acting now like her shit doesn’t stink.

      But I remember those days when she was just “that chick who worked at the Candid Club that my brother somehow got to go out with him”….

      Skank.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:55 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Sirius bang

      I want front-row seats at your next family reunion.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 5:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Mishee™ bang

      Sirius, that would be as dangerous as front row seats to the WWE when the featured fight that night is someone known for throwing their opponent out of the ring a lot, and about as messy as front row at a Gallagher show.

      Except I guaranfuckingtee you that ain’t no watermelon flying through the air!

      Apr 23, 2009 at 5:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   crackjob

    Kids these days. How do they keep track of all the Ashleys? Sooooo many Ashleys…

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Holly

      Same way we kept track of the Heathers and the Tiffanys. (Or is that Tiffanies?)

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:19 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Mishee™ bang

      Holly, where have you been?? This is 2009, not 1989.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 5:37 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   katie

      And the Brittanys and the Courtneys, right Holly? :)

      And, I think that was her point, Mishee dahling.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 1:08 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   geeklygirly

      When I was in high school it was the Katies that were hard to keep straight… so don’t go acting like you’re such a special snowflake! :-P

      Apr 25, 2009 at 5:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   oi!

    So nowadays highschooler’s fav. past time is to keep track of bday parties, during bday parties?
    Government is to blame really. Where are those day when weed was the fav. past time?

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Mishee™ bang

      Its still mine!

      Apr 23, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   oi!

      *gotta find Mishee, ASAP*

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Mishee™ bang

      Its pretty easy to find me, follow the trail of broken hearts and the smell of the skunk weed…

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   mamason bang

      There’s that other smell, too.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 3:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Mishee™ bang

      Not right now, I used Summer’s Eve last weekend.

      Just wait until about a week before Aunt Flo visits.

      Then the smell you know and love will be back.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 3:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   oi!

      by any chance you are not talking about YSAC’s dwarfs, are you?

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   mamason bang

      I was talking about the Texas Toast. :-?

      Apr 23, 2009 at 6:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   liz

    I’ve been enjoying your site since forever…and I never noticed that you don’t use caps. I’m a big fan…thanks for the daily chuckle!

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   VB

    I question it’s validity as H.S. note. While it seems to have had the required number of folds to protect it from prying eyes, it lacks the dirty and makeup smeared fingerprints of having passed through 10 sets of hands to reach the recipient.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Katy

    Yes. We can wholeheartedly and enthusiastically agree that adolescent girls are the most passive-aggressive creatures on the planet.

    Except for Mother-in-laws. They’re worse.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 1:55 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   mamason bang

      I’m a MIL and I’m not PA at all. Oh, sure… when I go to visit, I’ll tidy up the powder room while I’m in there. It’s never any trouble. I’ve learned how to manage my time better over the years and I don’t expect their standards of clean to meet mine, yet. And I always make sure I carry a jacket or sweater for the baby because I know he won’t be dressed properly. They just don’t have the experience I have when it comes to raising children. That too will come with time and I’m more than willing to help.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:22 pm   rating: 54  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Sirius bang

      She’s so helpful, bless her heart.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:50 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Blanketparty

    MMmmm adolescent girls… It’d be fun to rape their tiny little assholes.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 2:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Mishee™ bang

      does anyone else get a little uncomfortable reading the above comment?

      Why not just try a very uncomfortable place? Like the back of a Volkswagen?

      *wishes now kerry had left the “thumbs down” button up*

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:08 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   mamason bang

      Yeah, Mishee. I think that is the only comment I’ve seen on this site that I wish could be removed.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:14 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   You Suck at Craigslist

      Seriously. That’s scary and inappropriate.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:16 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   Mishee™ bang

      Wow mama. The only one?

      Oh yeah… this is YOU I’m talking to! :D

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:17 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   Bunnee

      My jaw actually dropped a little bit upon reading that. I think that is a first for me, too, Mama. (jaw dropping while reading this site, not jaw dropping while doing, ahem, other things) :shock:

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:19 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.6   ClearlyDemented

      Yeah, the offensive to humor ratio there is way off.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:23 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.7   mamason bang

      :-| . . . What do you mean by that, Mishee? :-? Oh, right. Never mind. :lol:

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.8   Blanketparty

      Haha i win, lighten up tools

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.9   Mishee™ bang

      Ummm… yeah… there’s “lightening up” by joking about how RunBarbara likes to take my mom from behind on a daily basis, and there’s “joking” about anally raping teenage girls.

      Guess which one is funny?

      (Hint: it’s not you)

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:37 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.10   CS Harmonikah

      um…..yeah. You’d be surprised how raping children is not usually funny…….ever.

      It’s usually just used for shock value when someone is unable to be funny or clever.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:50 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.11   Blanketparty

      Whatever I’ve seen plenty of comments about raping people, and fucking them with strap-ons and really violent stuff. Just because it wasn’t you that said it doesn’t make it horrible.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 3:41 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.12   Mishee™ bang

      Now the question begs to be asked:

      Were these previous people that were joked about over the age of consent?

      And no, its not just because I didn’t say it, but when you joke about rape you have to make sure its damn funny before hitting that submit button.

      Yours wasn’t. Deal with it.

      We all strike out sometimes.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 3:45 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.13   TheOldSchool bang

      If I had my way, ther would no longer be jokes allowed om PAN about the human sphincter.

      It’s sacred.

      It won’t happen, though. There are too many cheeky assholes out there who seem to take perverse delight in poking people’s most vulnerable sore spots.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:13 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.14   snicklefritz

      What’s a petterass?

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.15   Mark bang

      NOBODY fucks with the Jesus!

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.16   snicklefritz

      Don’t worry Emma, it wasn’t a birthday party, it was a bidet party to wash off the Blanketparty’s taint.

      You kids today and your Dan Fogelberg and pacman video games.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:34 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.17   NoExit

      8 year olds, dude.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:40 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.18   You Suck at Craigslist

      That’s a different definition of “win” than I’m used to, Blanketparty.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:49 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.19   se

      Don’t feed the trolls

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:53 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.20   GK bang

      Don’t worry, guys.

      It was probably just a project for his sociology class.

      mmm, social spearamint flavour

      Apr 24, 2009 at 4:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.21   unholyghost2003 bang

      Yet another person trying and failing to be Claw.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 9:08 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.22   claw71 bang

      No, blanketparty, you don’t win. In this case nobody does. You’re right that there’s a lot of offensive humor here but the operative word is humor and that’s where you failed.

      Look, I like anal sex. I like teenaged girls. I like anal sex with teenaged girls*, but you went too far. I mean, look at how desperate Emma is for approval. She’s been completely marginalized by Jessica and the two Ashleys but yet she’s still holding out hope that there’s a logical explanation for everything. She still thinks of that bitch Jessica as a friend. The way I see it, Emma’s a two wine coolers and a “Wow, you’re so mature for your age” from letting anybody play her back nine. Why would the subject of rape even come up?

      *claw71 does not engage in sexual relations with anybody under the age of consent. Age of consent may vary. Check your local revised code for restrictions. Offer void in Utah, Mississippi and West Texas. Fat Chicks may be excluded. See label for details.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 10:59 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.23   anglophile bang

      Aw, I thought you liked fat chicks. Dammit.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 2:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.24   claw71 bang

      Fat chicks may be excluded. claw71 and claw71 enterprises reserve the right to refuse service to anybody.

      If you’re a thick girl like Queen Latifa, it’s all good. If you’re a corpulent blob like Gilbert Grape’s mom, that’s a different story.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 2:41 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.25   mamason bang

      I guess I’m kind of “thickulent.” How’s that work for you?

      Apr 24, 2009 at 6:27 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.26   TheOldSchool bang

      mamason,

      Are you referring to body-shape or mental alertness? There are two entiely different scales on most thickulentometers.

      Nonetheless, the Yes or No result, from either scale, is derived through the same sort of calibrations: i.e., the level of the measuree’s thickulency, juxtaposed against the level of measurer’s intoxication.

      I sell thickulentometers to men and women on my blog.

      (You should read all the amazing testimonials I’ve “received” from people who only have first names.)

      Apr 25, 2009 at 3:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.27   TheOldSchool bang

      Claw,

      This is your lucky day! Just last night I created a handy pocket-notebook filled with consent forms that are appropriate to each of the 50 states and all of our protectorates, territories, and corporate-shell/off-shore banking Island entities in the homeland empire.

      It looks exactly like a passport, but it is SO much more useful.

      I sell “The Passport To Pleasure” to men (and to female school teachers) on my blog.

      He said/She said?

      Dead.

      Once you’ve got your PtP!

      Starting next week, you’ll start seeing lots of amazing testimonials I’ve “received” from people who only have first names.

      PtP for men comes in Black or Navy Blue.

      PtP for women school teachers comes in six different shades of pretty pastel that are sure to compliment your Victoria’s Secret naughty nothings, as well as your i-pod nano.

      Apr 25, 2009 at 3:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   mamason bang

    I always wanted to be friends with girls like Emma when I was in highschool. Look at her perfectly adorable handwriting. And her mom buys her really cool pens with pink ink. Just think of the pink penis doodles Emma can do. *sigh* It all could have been so different.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 2:12 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Mishee™ bang

    Actually kerry, I find your lowercase to be more “e.e. cummings-y”

    but your spelling of “first” is appalling!

    :)

    Apr 23, 2009 at 2:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Snippy

      And then there’s the “that that” in the third line of the context paragraph…

      Aw, there there, what what? (Neener-neener!)

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:34 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Mishee™ bang

      Haha, missed the cutoff. kerry won’t fix it for another 10 or 15 minutes.

      Its scary how omnipresent she is.

      I love it, and I hope she sees me when I shower too, cause I sure see her (in my mind).

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:38 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Geek Goddess

      Ha Ha!

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   T to the O

      I know what you mean Mishee™ I took the book she signed for me and rubbed it all over my naked body.
      I guess I should have waited until I got home to do that judging by the reaction of the bookstore security.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:48 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Mishee™ bang

      I built a little shrine to mine, including some pictures of kerry, a few lighted candles, and an incense stick… I pray to it daily.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   CS Harmonikah

    There are definite signs that this was from a generation slightly before the complete break-down of human language.
    “you” instead of “u”
    as well as completely illogical abbreviations like “wen” instead of “when”. It makes no sense. wtf.

    If this is an old note, it’s starting to look like the Landlady note. People hang onto PA notes for a while.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 2:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Mishee™ bang

      I’m thinking its an old note too.

      I mean, this is all subject matter than can be discussed via text message or facebook status, so why would Emma feel the need to actually pick up a pen and risk a papercut by using an obsolete form of communication?

      I, myself, have a box full of notes from H.S. – but none as delightfully P/A as this…

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:50 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Holly

      You SAVED them?

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Mishee™ bang

      Yes.

      Didn’t you?

      *looks around to see if anyone else did*

      Its perfectly natural!

      *gasps*

      *flips hair and flounces away*

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:14 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Woman on the Verge

      This isn’t an old note… I would bet money (if I had any) that Emma has lost all computer privileges due to an inordinate amount of inappropriate pictures posted to her facebook page. Reduced to wide-ruled notebook paper from her younger sibling’s math binder, she toiled over this emotionally overwrought yet seemingly nonchalant prose, all to elicit some attention from Ashley. Either that or she’s really just bored in Band…

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:31 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   Holly

      No, but I have a few cringeworthy comments in my 7th grade yearbook.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 5:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   Girl Friday

      I so, like, totally have all my notes from the 4th Grade on!

      I love reading them now and remembering how PA we were.

      I just can’t get them refolded…

      Apr 24, 2009 at 3:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.7   Mark bang

      My favorite was the rectangular fold, with the little tab that you pull to unfold it. I think I could still do it…

      *folds piece of paper*

      Yep, still got it!

      Apr 24, 2009 at 4:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.8   Grimfool

      neener

      Apr 24, 2009 at 9:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.9   geeklygirly

      I still have some of my funnier high school notes, too!

      (I wanted to begin this with “Don’t fret, Mishee!” but I don’t know if I am allowed to address The Mishee™ directly…)

      Apr 25, 2009 at 5:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.10   Woman on the Verge bang

      Well, geek, it is ALL ABOUT MISHEE, so you are probably safe….

      Apr 25, 2009 at 4:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Geek Goddess

    Did any one else think that she had the birthday party at softball camp on the first reading, or am I just special?

    Apr 23, 2009 at 2:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   not me!

      I thought that myself. And maybe that explains why Emma wasn’t included.

      But the lying….. Ashley sucks.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 2:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Geek Goddess

      Well, I’m glad I’m not special, then!

      Oh. Wait a minute…

      Apr 23, 2009 at 6:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   CS Harmonikah

    And never trust an Ashley. Much-less two of them.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 2:46 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   geeklygirly

      One of the worst bitches I know was an Ashley. Even my mom hated her.

      Apr 25, 2009 at 5:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Mishee™ bang

    “ashleys cages bday party”?

    Cages were involved? Sounds like my kind of party!

    Apr 23, 2009 at 2:58 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Sue Do Nim

      I thought Ashley had her birthday party at the batting cages.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:59 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Sirius bang

      That is a logical conclusion. Deductive reasoning sure can spoil a good fantasy.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 5:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   unholyghost2003 bang

      Batting cages birthday party? wow. ummm despite the pink pen and the big writing it is time to line these girls up, and issue their flannel shirts, mullet haircuts, and velcro watchbands. Oh! and don’t forget the sneaker style hiking boots!

      Apr 24, 2009 at 9:14 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   Ti to the O bang

      or the subaru!

      Apr 24, 2009 at 1:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   geeklygirly

      Hey! It depends on what kind of Subaru you drive, okay? The Outback is a lesbian car, the Impreza – not so much! :-P

      Apr 25, 2009 at 5:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   jkc

    my favorite part of this note is the awkward one-sided conversation at the beginning. maybe jessica is supposed to “w/b” to respond to “whatcha up to?” i also appreciate emma’s pre-emptive counter-response. she might be pathetic, but at least she’s efficient.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 3:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   The Lion

      Again, typical of a girl’s note. You have to ask and then respond as if you were asked. It is the only polite way to begin.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Chinchillazilla bang

      I agree, that was my favorite part too.

      Yeah, honey, I’m sorry, but Jessica does not care that you’re up to “nm,” which is probably my least favorite abbreviation ever because people always say it and then say something that is in fact happening.

      Apr 26, 2009 at 1:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   ashmeadow

      I appreciate the politeness because Emma is just making sure that Jessica knows she isn’t offended or anything. Because she’s not. Offended. At all. And to show her happiness she will be polite

      Apr 26, 2009 at 11:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   BlackInk

    Does any body else wonder why this was found in the hallway?

    I bet that bitch Jessica read it in front of her friends, laughed about it and in plain view of everyone threw it away to show how cool she is. Then she went home and cried.

    Poor Emma.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 4:11 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   oi!

      More important question is: What PAN goddess was doing in highschool hallway?
      Nope, nothing is implied here.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 4:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   claw71 bang

    Emma,

    I don’t lie to friends.

    Jessica

    D/N w/b

    Apr 23, 2009 at 4:53 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Eric bang

    ASHLEYS!!!!

    … scandalous!

    meeting at the tire pile! no emmas or jessicas allowed!

    Apr 23, 2009 at 4:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   agatha christie

      No Spinelli either, even though her first name was Ashley, too.

      Apr 23, 2009 at 5:53 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   agatha christie

    I’m surprised there isn’t a single pink penis on this note considering it’s written in eye-scorchingly pink ink that only teenage girls own.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 5:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Fern

    Love the bubble font.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 6:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   not me!

      Do people hand-write in fonts?

      If so, mine has to have a name like “illegible chickenscratch” or “M.D. Especial”…

      Apr 23, 2009 at 7:24 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   aaa

    You are Jessica’s friend, Emma. You’re just what we like to call a second-tier friend.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 8:15 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   CS Harmonikah

      Awesome. I also use the “friend pyramid”
      It’s easiest if everyone knows where they stand.

      “Dude, i’m not helping you move because we casually speak at work. You’re a level 3 friend at best”

      Apr 24, 2009 at 9:01 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Neeners

    By the time that note is translated they will be graduating seniors…… or drop outs.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 9:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Canthz_B bang

    Emma,

    What happens at softball camp, stays at softball camp.
    Just like if anything cool happened at band camp, it would stay there.

    Jessica

    Apr 23, 2009 at 10:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   baldouting.blogspot.com

    haha #32 so hilarious!

    Apr 23, 2009 at 10:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   aaa

      It’s too late at night for me to mock you for not gigglebraxing, so I’m just gonna give you a virtual bitchslap.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 2:16 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Canthz_B bang

    Ashleys’ parents knew she’d grow up to be a possessive bitch. They tried to name her Ashley’s so that whenever her name was written she’d gain ownership, but there was a clerical error at the hospital.

    Apr 23, 2009 at 11:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Byatch

    Technically, according to some psych lecturer I had, teenage girls aren’t passive-aggressive so much as overtly instrumentally aggressive – they use their social status and network of friends to bully other girls by excluding them. Looks familiar? :)

    Apr 24, 2009 at 3:39 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Grimfool

      Psych lecturers are pathologically passive aggressive and should be bitch-slapped on a regular basis.
      Wait, this is probably too personal. I shouldn’t click submit.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 5:33 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   Canthz_B bang

      I’m still trying to figure out what my psych professors found so interesting about the ceiling. :???:

      Apr 24, 2009 at 9:08 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.3   Sirius bang

      She just lay there, staring at the ceiling, contemplating the futility of desire while I slipped her the ol’ Schopenhauer.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 6:26 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.4   Sirius bang

      Futility of desire = my college sex life

      Apr 24, 2009 at 6:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.5   sarcaticsiter

      I dont doubt dt a bit.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 7:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   lauren

    Emma the future lawyer:

    Hey defendant, how r u? I’m cool, jst hangin out in this courtroom, u kno. O btw, did you kil dat guy?
    Cz lyk 4 ppl sed u did, n kevin sed he saw u dump the body n evryfin, n u kno, dats not cool.

    Let me kno! xxx

    Apr 24, 2009 at 11:35 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Woman on the Verge bang

    Emma,

    Like, why would you totally believe Ashley? I mean, she doesn’t even have her own name. She and that other Ashley and the fat one and the one who picks her nose all have the same name, you know, right?

    So, do you wanna come over and listen to the awesome cd I got at my bday party?

    Jessica

    Apr 24, 2009 at 12:07 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   fluffy8u

    Dear Emma,

    OMG! I totally LUV your outfit 2day. It reminds me of the top I got @ my bday parT… which…I didnt have …on account of my Nanna have a flair up of vomeria. Can we say ‘ew’?

    Mr. Drier is totally buggin’. He’s all “Jessica, wat is blah blah blah squared?” I mean, HOW can u turn a number in2 a sqare? Talk about impossible, Drier. Sum 1 needs 2 gb2 skool. Lol.

    Anyways u didnt miss much on my bday. jus a hole lotta gross sounds cuming from the bathroom. (again: ew)

    <3s and kisses,
    Jessica

    P.S. Stop sleeping w/ my bf. Thanks, whore = )

    Sorry for the tripeat of “Love Jessica”s. Ah teenagers, can we really despise them when they give us so much to laugh at?

    Apr 24, 2009 at 1:00 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Stuff Queer People Need To Know

      That is like all of my little sister’s notes that I would read when she was in middle/high school. I thought they were hilarious.

      http://stuffqueerpeopleneedtoknow.wordpress.com/

      Apr 24, 2009 at 1:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   claw71 bang

      You see, I was going to click on the hyperlink in your name to check out your website because I’ve been thinking about making a change (mostly because there’s no confusion as to whether or not a guy had an orgasm) but the fact that you also included your website in the body of your comment proves that you don’t really care about us or this site. You’re a shameless web whore.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 2:46 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.3   aaa

      I was wondering when Stuff Queer People Need to Know was going to get the Hall Monitor treatment. I was far too lazy and apathetic to do it myself, you know.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 6:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.4   Sirius bang

      “Shameless web whore!” What a cathartic, liberating phrase. Try shouting it out your car window at random pedestrians.

      Safety Tip: Make sure you can get through the next light before it changes.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 6:31 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.5   mamason bang

      I’m a shameless web whore and I’ve been waiting for my web pimp all day so he could download on me. I’m virtually climbing the walls here. *still waiting*

      Apr 24, 2009 at 7:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   sugarlips bang

    “friends don’t lie to friends”

    “Lies make baby Jesus cry.”
    –Todd Flanders
    or was it Rod?

    Apr 24, 2009 at 7:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   aaa

      Rod and Todd are interchangeable enough that I don’t think it really matters.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 9:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   mamason bang

    Friends don’t lie 2 friends… but we will lie to our spouses.

    Apr 24, 2009 at 8:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   sugarlips bang

      *buzzer*

      Apr 24, 2009 at 8:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   TheOldSchool bang

      “I’d gild your lily,” he whispered, apropos of nothing.

      Gentlemen: this is a always a nice retort to any comment your boss’s wife makes when you’re enjoying a formal dinner in their home.

      It is especially amusing, if you can maintain eye contact with her for a few seconds longer than what is normally considered appropriate.

      As the evening rolls along, you can up the ante by following the same retort with a lascivious leer, and a muttered: “she knows what she wants.”

      As the guests are saying their cliched: “thank you for the lovely evening” and giving their little farewell kisses on the cheek, make your exit more memorable by standing face to face with Mrs. Boss, reaching around so both your hands are firmly squeezing her ass, then raise your right knee slightly so that it can raise ther skirt as you shove it more surely between her legs and pin her against the entry way wall.

      Obviously, what you’re after is full on tongue wrestling, but if she plays coy and turns her head, zero in on the side of her neck, clamp on and take a free ride to hickey town.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 10:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.3   sugarlips bang

      Oh my… Hickey Town is my destination tonight…

      Apr 24, 2009 at 10:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.4   TheOldSchool bang

      Gosh, that may have unintentionally sounded a bit chauvinistic.

      If your boss is a woman, just do all of the same things with her husband. (Otherwise people will think you’re sexist.)

      Apr 24, 2009 at 10:45 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.5   sugarlips bang

      *giggle* Oh you… I’m a woman and I wasn’t offended in the least.

      Although, I do like that image of myself kneeing the boss’ husband’s nether regions as I suck on the rough skin of his neck thus producing a hickey the likes of which haven’t been seen since Drive-Ins were popular…

      Apr 24, 2009 at 10:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.6   TheOldSchool bang

      Hickeys are under-rated by most adults. There are few things more enjoyable than planting them on the inner thighs. It’s just, I don’t know, a nice way of letting someone know that you think she’s, like, special.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 10:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.7   sugarlips bang

      You are so, like, articulate. It’s SEXXY!

      Apr 24, 2009 at 11:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.8   TheOldSchool bang

      Sugarlips,

      I like your attitude. My firm ____ could always use a woman like you around. After this thread closes, why not swing by my office and we can feel each other out. See if we can build up some headsteam. I’ve already got some ideas of where to put you, but lets see what happens over my desk.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 11:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.9   sugarlips bang

      I have seen how these types of scenarios go down, *cough*, in pornographic films. Now, I don’t want to sound naive but, uh, where would you like to put me? I am bendy and very versitile…

      Apr 24, 2009 at 11:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.10   TheOldSchool bang

      It only seems articulated. I can assure you it’s just one enormously long rig. But, don’t worry, I know how to handle it.

      You wouldn’t believe some of the tight spots I’ve maneuvred it into. (Husbands with guns drawn coming up the stairs is what makes my lifestyle so, like, edgy.)

      Just out of curiosity, Sugarlips, in what sort of abode do you currently dwell. House? Apt? How many stories? Fire escapes?

      Apr 24, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.11   sugarlips bang

      I dwell in an apartment, on the second floor, with one fire escape conveniently located outside the window above my big, comfy bed.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 11:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.12   TheOldSchool bang

      I didn’t mean “edgy,” I meant “ledgy.”

      SugarLips…..your name….does it refer to your mouth lips?

      Sugary lips, be they high, or be the down low, nice and slow, are always a highly valued commodity.

      In our to put you in the right position, we’ll have to probe around and get a sense of where your greatest talents can be put to best use. Some people are content to just lay around all day and take whatever comes their way. I’ve got a feeling you’re more imaginative. I like that.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 11:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.13   TheOldSchool bang

      I’m certain any bed that you’re in would be comfortable.

      You dont’t seem the sort to buy an uncomfortable one.

      Do the neighbors ever complain of the noises you make? He asked, hopefully.

      Apr 24, 2009 at 11:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.14   sugarlips bang

      My high lips are talented all over a man’s body. My lower lips are sugary sweet, I’ve been told. And when either lips are engulfed by the male member, the moans of pleasure he enjoys are wonderful sounds.

      Unlike Annie Lennox, I WILL mess with a Missionary Man. The yin/yang of two bodies can also be enticing. My knees and back are strong for anything else we could imagine…

      Have a copy of the Karma Sutra at your disposal?

      Apr 24, 2009 at 11:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.15   sugarlips bang

      Oh those pesky neighbors… They so jealous, they are greener than the Wicked Witches’ guards…

      I long to live in a house where the nearest neighbor isn’t for miles so I can be completely uninhibited…

      Apr 24, 2009 at 11:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.16   TheOldSchool bang

      Kama Sutra in 14 different translations.

      I’m always interested in deviations, variations, and ations, in general.

      Is there anything quite as pleasurable as pleasure?

      Who needs the baubles, bangles, bling, and blogs, when the most intensely remembered experiences of anyone’s life always come back to the times when he or she was fucking on all cylanders with a like-minded, equally-fit explorer-fuck-buddy, easing gracfully from one enchanted intrigue into the next with a mix of passion, tenderness, ferocity, boldness, subtlety, nuance, and a keen sense of timing.

      Mix in the ability to be serious, when necessary, giving spnkings, for instance, and yet maintain a realization that life is absurd, and it is funny if someone falls out of the bed while trying the superyoga69pilatesarch position. I thought so anyway. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that I realized she’d fallen out the window! She came in soaking wet. Thank God I’d been pickling cucumbers in the hot tub for the annual pickle hunt. The juice broke her fall, the cucumber her hymen. Not really. There was no pickle juice in the hot tub. It was empty. She broke her neck and died instantly. Sad.

      Everything after the falling out of the bed part wasn’t true.

      (Why do I have to insert cucumbers into everything! Stick to the knitting, TOS. Don’t go off on stupid little tangents. )

      (But, then again, I’m not just an eight-track pony with the tool of a full-grown stallion and the endurance of a camel. I’ve a mind, too, you know.)

      Apr 24, 2009 at 11:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.17   mamason bang

      *ahem* TOS… would you like to introduce me to your little friend? :-| *taps foot*

      And you can put that away! Him, I’ve already met. I was talking about Ms. lips, here.

      *turns to loose lips…extends hand* I see you’re pre-op. When’s the transformation going to be complete, “Ms.” lips? :roll:

      Apr 25, 2009 at 12:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.18   TheOldSchool bang

      Now, I feel like I’ve been victimized twice.

      Once by foolishly failing to see what was what and who was who.

      The second time by follishly failing to see who was who and why his clitoris was so much larger than average.

      Please: I don’t need to hear anyone’s stories about avoiding women with deep voices. I’ve had my share of husky-voiced women, and I can assure everyone that each of these ladies were ALL-WOMAN.

      (Though, oddly enough, their apartments were always extremely dark, and they all favored anal. It must be due to some kind of genetic link between the huskiness of the voice and sexual preference.

      Most likely, it’s an attribute of the “flight or fright” school of anthropological survival from way back in the “olden days.”

      In fact, I’m possibly sure of it.

      You can take it to the river bank and talk to the otters about it. They’ve been around forever, and have seen a lot. Wear flip flops. Otters love toes. But, then again, who doesn’t?

      Apr 25, 2009 at 12:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.19   mamason bang

      Otters, schmotters. I’d love to take you to the pond and show you the beaver there. ;-)

      Apr 25, 2009 at 1:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.20   mamason bang

      *hopes sugarlips knows I was only kidding around* :-|

      *now I’m worried by her seemingly abrupt departure* :-(

      *was hoping for a 3-way* :twisted:

      Apr 25, 2009 at 1:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.21   sugarlips bang

      Thank you for clarifying sweetie…

      I am all woman.

      Do I sometimes wish I were a man? Yes, in those times my period is late because condoms aren’t 100%. But I digress…

      A 3-way, aye? I could sit on TOS’ face and you could ride his cock like the stallion he is. How does that sound?

      Apr 25, 2009 at 5:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.22   TheOldSchool bang

      I’m guessing it’s a mushy/squishy, thwappa thwappa thwappa sound.

      But, no matter what it sounds like, I’m certain I can find a way to dance to it. I just enjoy having good old-fashioned, clean, dirty, kinky fun.

      Apr 25, 2009 at 3:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.23   sugarlips bang

      “Sex is only dirty if you’re doin’ it right.”

      Apr 25, 2009 at 3:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.24   TheOldSchool bang

      That’s what I always tell my parishioners.

      Occasionally from the pulpit, but more often when they come to me for private guidance.

      Words of wisdom are always nice, but there’s nothing like one-on-one tutoring to drive home my message of love.

      All ye faithful: Come! Then come again and again and again! Hallelujah…..

      Apr 25, 2009 at 4:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.25   sugarlips bang

      Praise dah Lord!

      Apr 25, 2009 at 4:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.26   TheOldSchool bang

      With your mouth filled with my ejaculate, it sounded like you were saying, “praise the load.”

      I’d get you a wash cloth to tidy your face up, but my manly lotion has so many nutrients that give your skin a youthful glow, I’d recommend just smearing it around.

      I can always provide you with another dollop for your tits, tummy, thighs, butt. Wherever you like.

      Apr 25, 2009 at 6:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.27   sugarlips bang

      I do swallow. I better boob fuck your rock hard ready cock so I can smear it all over my luscious breasts.

      Apr 25, 2009 at 6:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.28   TheOldSchool bang

      Don’t be surprised if some recording executives start pestering you to sign on with their labels. Your vocal chords will soon be coalescing into a hormonious/harmonious instrument with a range and a timbre that is so lush, that when you’re heard by even the most jaded, cynical, “heard-it-all-types,” it drops them to their knees, and has them weeping like hungry little babies.

      As for your tits: if they’re already big, swollen, soft yet firm, I’m afraid my man seed can’t improve upon perfection.

      The good news for you: I’m a nipple man!

      Always have been, always will be. I come from a long line of nipple men. The family crest features them prominently.

      I’ve never come across a nipple, yet, that hasn’t been improved by me coming across it.

      As I’m quite fond of licking, sucking, nibbling, twisting, biting, and playing ham radio operator with them — they tend to get more than the normal wear and tear from an extended play date with me.

      That where the seed of wonder comes into play.

      Any deformities triggered by my attentions, are instantly dissipated the moment the pearly goodness makes contact.

      Then as nutrients seep naturally into your pores, the real magic begins. With 18 hours, you’ll see that your nipples are more expressive than you ever dreamed possible.

      I’m so sure you’ll agree, otherwise, why would I make such an amazing offer?

      Apr 25, 2009 at 7:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.29   sugarlips bang

      This is the greatest infomercial ever made!!!!!

      I can just imagine what you could do with tomatoes!

      Apr 25, 2009 at 7:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.30   TheOldSchool bang

      Well, if my prize-winning beefsteaks are anything to go by, I’d say: plenty.

      The judges discovered, to their delight, that my tomatoes had double the normal vitamin C, 40 times normal vitamin A , higher levels of anthocyanin than ever recorded, and two to four times the normal amount of lycopene.

      All good, no doubt, but it wouldn’t have made the slightest bit of difference had the proof not been in the tastiness of the pudding fed beefsteaks. One judge described the experience as being akin to suckling upon God’s scrotum. Another came in his pants. (He left before completely the judging, so my victory is still in question amongst some of the contestants — the ones who, I might add, chose not to sample my product.)

      You should hear the offers I’m receiving from “organic farmers” in Humboldt County. I don’t know what they’re growing, but they sure do seem keen for me to bless their crops with my love nutrients. It’s kinda cute how desperate they seem. Nutty people.

      Apr 25, 2009 at 7:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.31   sugarlips bang

      There’s nothing like human protein to plump up a good tomato. I’d buy ‘em and be proud to make BLTs…

      Apr 25, 2009 at 8:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.32   TheOldSchool bang

      Sugarlips:

      Two confessions: (1) Those beefsteaks I mentioned: they were really cherries. I didn’t want to make any more enemies in the tomato community than I already had, so I just let everyone rest easy in the vat of their preconceived notions.

      (2) These aphrodisiacal qualities of these tomatoes aren’t just effective on those in the Bi/Lesbian/Tranny community, they work on heterosexuals, as well.

      I’m still working on a name for marketing purposes. Right now, I’m toying with: “Semen-Kissed,” but I worry that too many Americans will get the wrong impression that there’s a nautical theme going on. I don’t want anchovy lovers to be disappointed.

      “Cum-drenched” might work.

      I don’t know….titles of products always seem to come out in massive spurts, so I’m confident that if I keep playing around with this thing, I’ll coat the wall with enough material so that one of these names will surely stick.

      Apr 25, 2009 at 8:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.33   sugarlips bang

      “Man Juicy Tomatoes”

      Apr 26, 2009 at 4:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.34   TheOldSchool bang

      Not bad, but I think it would offend all those people who have lost loved ones in giant blender accidents.

      (Then there are entire subsets of surviviors to those pulverized by: food processing machinery, wood chippers, pulpers, shredders, manure spreaders, confetti makers, industrial coffee bean grinders, etc..)

      Sugarlips, I’ll bet your dental bills are massive.

      Apr 26, 2009 at 10:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.35   sugarlips bang

      The film FARGO comes to mind…

      I do have a few fillings but no massive dental bills. Thanks for your concern.

      Apr 26, 2009 at 11:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.36   TheOldSchool bang

      Fargo did have some memorable dental scenes.

      But what I’ll treasure most about it is the people.

      And….what a beautiful city.

      Any sugar-related problems downstairs?

      Apr 26, 2009 at 2:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.37   sugarlips bang

      I haven’t had a yeast infection in years downstairs if that’s what you are asking about. Nor have I EVER had an infection of any other kind downstairs, lets get that straight…

      Apr 26, 2009 at 3:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.38   TheOldSchool bang

      Good. My basement is also spotless.

      I’m guessing that you were keeping your yeast in the cupboard. (Most people do.) It’s a BIG mistake.

      The wamth of the cupboard is a prefect breeding ground for infectious pathogens.

      Keep it in the refrigerator door compartment where the butter should go.

      If your dwelling is ever burgled (let’s hope it isn’t, because it feels like your stuff has been raped), the thieves would be able to steal your yeast. (The idiots never think to lift the butter flap! Possibly because they’re high on illegal substances, but I shouldn’t speculate.)

      What’s more, in either case, when the moment is right and you are oh so ready for yeast, you’ll know exactly where to find it.

      Apr 26, 2009 at 3:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   Canthz_B bang

    Friends don’t lie on friends, unless they are friends-with-benefits.

    A little lying to is good for a friendship…and no, your ass doesn’t look fat in those jeans!

    *snickersbehindback*

    Apr 24, 2009 at 10:06 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   mamason bang

      Hey, CB! What’s up? Why ‘ve you got that candybar behind your back?

      Apr 25, 2009 at 12:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason,

      Don’t talk to CB. You know how he gets when he’s wounding an old nurse.

      But, mamason, the other* news is that it just so happens that I’m free!

      *tentatively worded so as not to further rile anyone.

      Then again, if she gets her “backside up,” that is something I’d enjoy immensely, provided I was also allowed to get up her backside.

      Apr 25, 2009 at 12:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.3   TheOldSchool bang

      Speaking of getting innuendo….

      Apr 25, 2009 at 12:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.4   mamason bang

      TOS,

      Are you trying to analyze me?

      Apr 25, 2009 at 1:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.5   Canthz_B bang

      If you have enough control there, mamason, you could be classified as anal retentive!
      Get a grip, Girl!!! :-P

      Apr 25, 2009 at 3:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.6   TheOldSchool bang

      I think a know a way to rectify all of this…..

      Apr 25, 2009 at 2:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.7   TheOldSchool bang

      I think I …..

      (Sadly, my hindsight isn’t 20/20, either.)

      Why not be more assertive?

      I KNOW a way…..

      Apr 25, 2009 at 2:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Julie

    I love how she answers her own question: “Whatcha up 2? nm im in band…”

    Did she not realize no one was asking her at the moment?

    Wow.

    Apr 25, 2009 at 4:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Mamason,

      I just realized that your comment: 42.1 is somewhat misleading.

      If CB was holding a candy bar “behind his back,” wouldn’t that mean he was holding the candy bar in front of his chest?

      If I’m right, I’d suggest calling Kerry at home and asking her to get some of the PAN tech crew back to the office so your comment can be remedied to more accurately reflect your intended meaning.

      There’s no need to thank me with words.

      I don’t do the things I do for any reason other than seeing how your eyes sparkle like Liberace’s top hat whenever we see one another and reminisce playfully about the time I discovered your error in a comment to CB about that darned candy bar.

      Memories.

      Apr 25, 2009 at 7:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   geeklygirly

    Emma,
    hey wats up? So umm I guess no1 told you only lozers have birthdays now. Yeh we all went to ashleys’s party jus to make fun of her for being such a baby. and like wut was up with those cages? I thot they were gunna be the kind my mom dances in but instead it was sum kind of lame sports thing. N E wayz bdays are stupid and I decided im not having one this year (my mom says it don’t matter cuz I probs wont be moving up a grade next yr n e wayz) but don’t come over or call me next Saturday nite cuz Im gonna be like visiting my aunt in the hospital , yeah she’s like rlly rlly sick! NE wayz I hope we’re still friendz and u wont tell any1 I didn’t invite you to my bday party cuz IM not having one!!1!

    BFF
    Jessica

    PS. if u want to get me a prezint ne way you can like leave it in my locker or something expectially if its a Twilite dvd

    Apr 25, 2009 at 5:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   TheOldSchool bang

    Emma,

    I used to write notes like this when I was in pre-school.

    I repeat: “in PRE-school.”

    Why don’t you GROW up!?!?

    Apr 25, 2009 at 2:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   Sam

    I thought all friends lied to all their friends? Is that not what the basis of friendship is?

    Apr 25, 2009 at 6:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   TheOldSchool bang

      Sam, that’s a bit cynical, don’t you think?

      Apr 25, 2009 at 7:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Sam,

      I see the problem. You’re confusing friendship with marriage.

      Apr 25, 2009 at 7:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   sirpent

    anyone else notice how “myface” is written as one word?
    talk about gen 2.0

    May 4, 2009 at 3:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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