Our anonymous submitter was mildly amused when he noticed this little hypothetical how-to pop up in his Facebook feed. But the real kicker, he realized, is that the one person tagged in the note happens to be (ouch) the notewriter’s current roommate.
Adds our submitter: “To my surprise, the girl never commented on it, but I’m sure she got the message — she was called out!”
related: Some dating advice
142 responses so far ↓
#1
Sean
How about not making the pic private so it can be read…??
Apr 28, 2009 at 8:41 am rating: 15
#2
Mortal Light
Looks like the roommate should have followed her own advice about number 5…
Apr 28, 2009 at 8:41 am rating: 4
#3
lizard
the first five rules are actually pretty legit…i think i’ve had each of those issues come up with the various roommates i’ve had over the years.
slash i think i was the roommate to cause the necessity for rule #2 (minus the relatives in the room part? although i’m trying to imagine the situation where this would happen…).
Apr 28, 2009 at 8:42 am rating: 1
#4
CS Harmonikah
oooh. She had me until “u no where”
and #7 isn’t advice on an actual action
Apr 28, 2009 at 8:43 am rating: 2
#5
Meesh
How-to pop-ups on Facebook? Tagging people in e-notes? Whatever happened to PANs scrawled on post-its and defiantly stuck to fridge doors? Kids these days…
Apr 28, 2009 at 8:46 am rating: 6
#6
Meesh
If you’re NOT having sex on the sofa in your apartment, it’s time to reevaluate your life.
Apr 28, 2009 at 8:50 am rating: 37
#7
nick
Sex on the sofa??? Must be crazy monkey sex in order to break the sofa!!
Apr 28, 2009 at 8:58 am rating: 2
#8
Resident Grammarian esq
I love how the note starts off as a generic note about roommate etiquette that sucks in her audience (of one) to say well this seems fair. It then tails off into a rant about sofa sex. The sofa sex was so important it got two rules, one on the first half of the note, and one in the rant.
Apr 28, 2009 at 9:10 am rating: 4
#9
claw71
What’s the story with the relatives? Sex in front of them? Were the relatives upset? Because if they weren’t you have no right to complain on their behalf. You also can’t complain if their gripe was over not being included in the festivities.
Of course, given the fact that the couch was broken I’m inclined to believe that the roommate was on the chunky side. The complaints were probably valid.
Apr 28, 2009 at 9:16 am rating: 10
#10
Mishee™
Next week it will be “Roommate Advice in 140 Characters or Less” on Twitter.
Geez, the internet moves so quickly nowadays!
Apr 28, 2009 at 9:18 am rating: 8
#11
Rachet
I’d be angry, too, if my roommate was having sex in front of my relatives, sofa cover or not!
And I must remember to use the word “physco” sometime today. No idea what it means. But I like the way it sound.
Apr 28, 2009 at 9:33 am rating: 8
#12
GhostWriter
Re.: Rule #5- It’s true! I knew a kid in 5th grade who held his tongue all day, and by gym class, it had built up so much it choked him.
Luckily, Mr. Corkland carried a pocketknife in his super-tight gym shorts. Willy talked with a lisp after that.
Apr 28, 2009 at 9:36 am rating: 6
#13
QuarterRoy00
Who wants to place wagers on how soon the roommate removed the sofa cover for sloppy-couch-breaking-relative-impressing monkey love?
Apr 28, 2009 at 9:51 am rating: 3
#14
se
I like Rule #5. don’t hold back the tongue, cause it will build up, then explode all over the back of your mouth and gag you.
Apr 28, 2009 at 9:57 am rating: 6
#15
lovey
In all seriousness, this is *truly* passive-aggressive.
However, I can’t help but wonder…who has sex in the presence of their roommate’s relatives? Or, maybe the roommate was dating notewriter’s super-hot cousin, and was having sex WITH notewriter’s relative. I guess that’d be ok.
Apr 28, 2009 at 10:01 am rating: 4
#16
sugarlips
This is jealousy plain and simple, and truly PA because the intended was meant to see it, read it, and digest it.
(In Beavis and Butthead voices)
It’s cool to break the couch during sex… heheheh
Apr 28, 2009 at 10:30 am rating: 2
#17
Cat Skyfire
It might be a much more enjoyable note if it could be read.
Apr 28, 2009 at 10:36 am rating: 8
#18
anglophile
I disagree with the advice about holding your tongue. I find when I say what’s on my mind I tend to be accused of being a cunty bitch.
No one likes being called a cunty bitch.
Apr 28, 2009 at 10:55 am rating: 11
#19
claw71
If you are ever posting a message about a roommate these are some things you need to do:
1. Be sure to bone up on basic spelling, grammar and syntax rules. You don’t have to publish your missive in the Queen’s English but it helps if you stay coherent.
2. Don’t attempt satire or its simplistic cousin sarcasm unless you’ve had people not related to you complement you on your wit. Please be sure that they weren’t employing one of these devices when this compliment was paid.
3. You want to seem more mature than the person you are complaining about. This can be accomplished if you avoid text-speak and shortcuts such as “u r” . Emoticons are also counterproductive.
4. Stay on point.
5. Don’t make your roommate sound cooler than you.
6. Don’t be overly obsessive about one particular issue lest you sound jealous that your roommate was having more sex than you were. Just because you sat in a pool of tacky semen doesn’t mean you should tell the world about it.
7. Don’t bring other people into the issue unless they are willing to participate in the discussion.
8. If they are willing to participate cite them by name. Vague titles such as “relatives” lack credibility. Especially when you fail to follow the rest of these rules leading the audience to believe that nobody could possibly like you enough to hang around your apartment. Even if they are technically related to you.
9. Before publishing your complaint, reference http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com and compare your message to the countless others that have been examined by relentless regulars. Will they take your side or will your message be so weak that they just make fun of you?
10. Know that your message will end up on http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com. Never underestimate the power and reach of Kerry.
Apr 28, 2009 at 11:43 am rating: 33
#20
RP
While the note itself is PA, the “you get your bodily fluids on it then it’s your problem” rule seems reasonable.
But then you have to worry about someone deciding to mark their territory with a rule like that.
Apr 28, 2009 at 12:02 pm rating: 2
#21
park rose
Apr 28, 2009 at 1:30 pm rating: 23
#22
unholyghost2003
My favorite part of this note is “2. get sofa covers…roommates can have sex on them while your relatives are in the room”
It almost sounds like a tip from some Home Decorating on a Budget book. “Limited seating in the living room? Invest in a good quality sofa cover. Household members can use the sofa cover as a comfortable surface to fornicate on while guests enjoy the comfort of the couch.”
Apr 28, 2009 at 1:46 pm rating: 23
#23
LAPowerball
eeeehhh…. could the image be a little bigger next time?
Apr 28, 2009 at 1:57 pm rating: 0
#24
Neeners
Were they having sex on the couch those two extra hours in their 26 hour day? Sounds like drugs are involved definitely. Where can I get what they are taking? I could use the extra time to get things done.
I am not sure what kind of build up occurs when holding your tongue? Is it that oily kind that you get when you don’t wash your hair?
Apr 28, 2009 at 2:06 pm rating: 2
#25
pope suburban
Wow, so my former roommate somehow found another one after my friend and I ran for the hills. Never thought I’d know, but damned if she didn’t stay true to form.
Apr 28, 2009 at 3:53 pm rating: 1
#26
Deanna
How could anybody who still writes like that be old enough to have a roommate? Maybe she and her little sister can just draw a line down the middle of the room like in “The Brady Bunch.”
Apr 28, 2009 at 3:53 pm rating: 7
#27
aaa
Tongue buildup, eh? Didn’t that happen on an episode of House? I think the dude’s testicles swelled up and exploded too, if memory serves.
Apr 28, 2009 at 4:21 pm rating: 4
#28
Julie
I know nothing about Facebook so will someone confirm for me – are we to assume that the PAN writer “tagged” the roommate as an extra level of PA-ness? Or might a third party have done it?
Apr 28, 2009 at 4:32 pm rating: 0
#29
meli$$a
I am assuming the facebook author is at least 18 years old. So, why do they write and spell like someone much younger?
Apr 28, 2009 at 6:39 pm rating: 1
#30
Chinchillazilla
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COMPUTERS HAVE SPELLCHECK.
That was a dam bursting. I feel better now.
Apr 28, 2009 at 10:30 pm rating: 5
#31
Canthz_B
Never lie while having sex on a sofa, you could break it.
Stand on the sofa instead.
Don’t hold your tongue during oral sex.
Apr 29, 2009 at 12:13 am rating: 1
#32
Nikki
When someone with spelling and grammar problems like that thinks you suck… You must really suck.
Apr 29, 2009 at 12:18 pm rating: 0
#33
kathie
so harsh!
Apr 29, 2009 at 12:35 pm rating: 0
#34
ashmeadow
is being physco something like defying the laws of gravity?
Apr 30, 2009 at 2:32 am rating: 0
#35
MW
Whoever composed that grammatical nightmare is a goddamn retard and should have her bed shat on immediately.
Apr 30, 2009 at 3:19 pm rating: 0
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