Entries from April 2009

Friends don’t lie 2 friends

April 23rd, 2009 · 220 Comments

I’ll admit, my first thought upon reading this note — found in the hallways of an American high school — was something along the lines of “Argh, kids today, with their chatspeak!” Can we all agree that adolescent girls are probably the most passive-aggressive creatures on earth?

friends don't lie 2 friends

related: 2 good 2 be 4gotten

Tags: birthday · frenemies · mean girls · schools & teachers

And a very happy Earth Day to you!

April 22nd, 2009 · 87 Comments

Alec in Houston found this little work of art on his desk, he says, “after I went out for lunch and didn’t do the dishes like they had asked.” With gritted teeth, he goes on: “They have ‘too much work’ and I have ‘none’ so I might as well wash them!”

Thanks so much for not wasting water on doing the dishes

related: Al Gore knows you drove when you could have taken your new bicycle

Tags: a little patronizing · dishes · Houston · office · thanks (but not really) · The Earth

Filthy, and very nasty

April 21st, 2009 · 169 Comments

Writes Tim in Berkeley: “Although this note is over 17 years old, I think it’s still worth submitting, at the very least as an example of notes from a bygone era. I received this note from the apartment manager when I was a senior at Rice University, living in an off-campus apartment. Admittedly, I wasn’t the cleanest tenant — but what 20-year-old college kid living alone in a studio apartment is?”

Sorry about this, but what I have said is the truth.

Adds Tim: “The really sad thing was that I had cleaned my apartment before this note — she should have seen the place before!”

related: be informed, homeland security will be

Tags: cleaning · college life · Houston · landlords and property managers · Texas · that's disgusting

…and forgive us our trespasses

April 20th, 2009 · 162 Comments

Writes Kerry in Brooklyn: “I just moved into a new apartment, and they don’t have secured outside parking for bikes. My place is NYC-sized, so naturally I decided to lock one of my bikes to the banister right outside my door. Apparently that’s a big no-no in the building.”

Please Move Your Bike!!!

Meanwhile, Melanie in Newport, Rhode Island spotted this on the lawn of the Salvation Army in her neighborhood, adding “I, for one, certainly applaud whomever had the baguettes to do such a thing.”

STOP WASTING FOOD!

related: The first thing I did when I woke up

Tags: bicycle · bread · Brooklyn · food · neighbors

Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have

April 19th, 2009 · 91 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter: “Unable to visit my mother last year for Mother’s Day, my partner and I sent her a box of chocolate truffles and an antique brooch. This is her ‘thank you’ note (which is really more like a ‘fuck you’ note).”

I enjoyed the truffles as fattening as they are

The final “fuck you,” of course, is the nearly indecipherable handwriting. Here’s the transcription:

Looked forward to seeing you on Mother’s day. In Lieu of such optimism I enjoyed the truffles as fattening as they are + the pin is very attractive. Thanks. Love, Mom

related: I can has guilt trip?

Tags: Moms & Dads · Mother's Day · thanks (but not really)

The International Brotherhood of Daves

April 16th, 2009 · 161 Comments

Writes Joe in Van Nuys, California: “Dave has been upset because people have been drinking his tea. Apparently, he was unaware of other potential Daves in the office. Next time, maybe he should clarify?”

Is Your name Dave? Yes!  My name IS Dave.  Thanks for the free drink!  Daves 4 Life!!!

related: Who’s the smartass?

Tags: California · most popular notes of 2009 · office fridge · rebuttals · stealing · tea

A day in the life of a crank

April 15th, 2009 · 172 Comments

What to do after you’ve already written your daily letters to the editor, congressman and the local weatherman and you’ve still got hours to go before the early bird buffet? Well, you turn to the classifieds!

Dear gar. sale persons: if you just put out signs, you would have no "early birds." Why advert. in Chronicle then say no early? Don't advert. there. Just put out signs. They'll come - but later. Wear earplugs.

related: Cloudy with a chance of hate mail

Tags: awk abbrev · comma diarrhea · excessive underlining · garage sale · Houston · old folks · unsolicited feedback · You call that punctuation?

Your hamster died? Well, I can top that.

April 14th, 2009 · 124 Comments

“I’m a server at a chain restaurant,” writes our anonymous submitter, “and we have a bulletin board in the back where people can trade shifts. Lately, people have been including (along with their phone number and shift information) sad stories about why you should choose their shift to pick up (instead of all the other ones that are available).” This one, though, might be the most shameless yet.

Please Pick-Up my Thursday March 26. I have to go to a lecture about the Holocaust.

related: It’s not a race (it’s a social construct)

Tags: Massachusetts · oh no you didn't · restaurant

Askin’ for it

April 13th, 2009 · 131 Comments

Writes Marc from Chicago: “I saw this in a small town off Route 26 in Nebraska. As soon as I finished snapping photos of the signs, the woman who ran the drive-thru came out and demanded to know what I was doing. Once she realized that I was not there to mess with the sign, she became friendly. Evidently, the situation was exactly as it appeared: unidentified no-goodniks had been swiping the letters from the sign or re-arranging the amiable witticisms (‘Men, I don’t understand. Chocolate, I’m an expert!’) into significantly ruder form.”

Our signs will end if people don't leave them alone

askin' for it

Meanwhile, Rikki spotted this sign (which may or may not be an homage to this one, which made the rounds on the interweb a few years back) in downtown Oklahoma City.

Lo Siento!

related: and pull up your sign

Tags: Nebraska · Oklahoma · restaurant · retail hell · stealing · vandalism

Free to be you and me

April 12th, 2009 · 95 Comments

Writes Jay in Miami Beach: “The woman who lives in Apt. 2, right next to the front door of the building, had such a stinky dog smell emanating from her apartment that you could smell it through the closed door.”

Presumably, she could hear everyone’s complaints through the closed door, too.

I'm Dirty and I LOVE it. I LOVE my dirty dog BAD smell. I DON'T CARE If it bother you. -Dirty Lady #2

Dirty Lady #2

related: When you can’t blame the dog

Tags: dogs · Miami · neighbors · odor · oh no you didn't