Passive-aggressive? Oh, heavens no! These are just a few selfless public service announcements.
From an office in Oregon…
New Zealand…
and Kentucky…
related: the overly friendly coworker: ruining your day since you held the elevator for her that one time
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FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · kentucky · noise · odor · office · oregon
"customer service" "helpful" advice a little patronizing actually totally reasonable all-staff e-mail anthropomorphism austin australia bathroom birthday blitzkrieg approach boston brooklyn california canada CAPS LOCK cleaning clip art catastrophe confusion??? crazypants d.c. dishes dogs e-mail ellipses-crazed etiquette ex drama excessive underlining exclamation-point happy! facebook family florida food frenemies garbage group bitchfest guilt trip heart highlighter holiday spirit hygiene illinois irregular capitalization jesus kids kitchen london los angeles martyr complex massachusetts mean girls meta michigan microwave moms & dads money more aggressive than passive music neighbors new york noise north carolina not-so-veiled threats now that's management odor office office fridge oh no you didn't oh snap old folks p.s. parking piss pleasantries as afterthought questionable logic raging against the machine rebuttals restaurant retail hell rhetorical question roommates saga san francisco sarcasm seattle sex sex sex shit signed with love smiley spelling and grammar police stealing texas thanks (but not really) that shit is disgusting TLDR toilet touching u.k. university unnecessary "quotation marks" unsolicited feedback virginia visual aids whiteboard wtf? you call that punctuation?
121 responses so far ↓
#1
Sheila
wow- another breathtaking selection – all of them so carefully done
May 1, 2009 at 8:11 am rating: +4
#2
park rose
“I’m never gonna fart again,
guilty pee got no rhythm…”
Kinda fits.
May 1, 2009 at 8:26 am rating: +26
#3
Lexi
I don’t care if you can see me pee, so long as you don’t listen. I get stage fright.
May 1, 2009 at 8:26 am rating: +11
#4
unholyghost2003
Unless note #1 is actually about the content of the whispers it seems more like an issue that needs to be addressed with the contractor and not the people in the next office. Those walls are WAY too thin and probably not up to code.
hey! Accounts Receivable! Who are YOU to demand that Recruitment work in silence all day? They are already whispering and they still need to answer their phones for fear that last weeks ‘Answer your damn PHONE!’ note will return.
May 1, 2009 at 8:29 am rating: +17
#5
Gunderson105
TOO BAD YOUR SIGN IS YELLING AT ME!!!!!
May 1, 2009 at 8:36 am rating: +9
#6
ryanmalloy
Why waste this much space? “I can c u p” is way shorter
May 1, 2009 at 8:40 am rating: +12
#7
Mishee™
What kerry didn’t mention was that all three of these notes were written by Sting.
May 1, 2009 at 8:43 am rating: +24
#8
Scubasteve
The first two are really freaky, like there’s ghosts printing out P/A notes.
The last one is just gross, “We noticed your shit stuck to the back of the toliet and we’d like you to clean it up” How embarassing!
May 1, 2009 at 8:45 am rating: +2
#9
GhostWriter
I once worked in an office that was so small…
May 1, 2009 at 8:52 am rating: +4
#10
GhostWriter
You may hear whispers,
but there is no one next door.
May 1, 2009 at 8:56 am rating: +22
#11
shel
I don’t quite understand the point of the “I can see you pee” note… unless someone is peeing in a non-approved receptical, ie not a bathroom.
If they are using an actual bathroom for their peeing, I think it’s the note poster who has the problem for getting stuck right next to a bathroom without normal walls…
Who builds a bathroom like that anyway? Or are people doing other strange things while they pee??
I’m so confused!
May 1, 2009 at 9:12 am rating: +6
#12
you suck at craigslist
Reading the story behind the “whispers” one, it seems like it’s less passive-aggressive and more, “Hey, maybe you shouldn’t gossip about people over here, since by the magic of acoustics we can hear you over there.”
If I had to do it all over again, I’d go into acoustical engineering and architecture. Too many architects these days don’t consider acoustics at all when they design something, and there is good money in designing fixes for acoustically poor spaces.
Sorry, I’m being serious again. I’ll stop that now.
May 1, 2009 at 9:18 am rating: +9
#13
CS harmonikah
The “I can see you pee” note isn’t as much PA as just plain creepy. I can see a (really horrible) movie being made about that.
“I know where you peed last summer”
May 1, 2009 at 9:35 am rating: +8
#14
MeTooExpert
Next week on PAN, from Kentucky:
“It’s a small office.
We know who you are.
This time, please clean the toilet brush after use.”
May 1, 2009 at 9:35 am rating: +5
#15
CS harmonikah
The third note is fairly well done. It makes good use of negative space. The small type makes it seem more subtle and PA. Well done sir!
The “it’s a small office” part does remind me of my last workplace. The mens restroom was 3 feet from the receptionist desk and where the two hallways of offices intersected. Everyone in the office could see and hear you. I drove home to poo everyday for almost a year.
May 1, 2009 at 9:40 am rating: +10
#16
claw71
Toilet brushes are generally disgusting. You use them to scrape pesky poo from the sides of your loo, and then what? Swirl it around in the bowl and hope to shake the residual feces from the bristles? Nice. Then you put that brush in a receptacle next to the toilet where everything just festers.
Now think about those toilet brushes in public restrooms. Do you suppose people are washing their hands before they put the brush to use? I doubt it. No, the people who use that brush are reaching for right after they’ve finished excavating their ass cracks. More importantly, the toilet doesn’t get messed up every time. Only on those big jobs. Those big messy jobs that require extensive wiping efforts. Wiping efforts that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, result in poo getting on our hands. Hands that may or may not be reaching for that toilet brush.
So I’ll pass on the brush, thank you very much. You might know who I am but I don’t know who you are and certainly don’t know where you’ve been. I’d rather not become intimately acquainted with your poop.
May 1, 2009 at 9:46 am rating: +15
#17
claw71
On the next episode of Max Brown, Poop Detective…
Office Manager: I’m so glad you came, we’ve got a problem.
Max Brown: Unclaimed skidmarks?
Office Manager: YES! How did you…
Max Brown: I see it everyday, Ma’am.
Office Manager: Well here’s the toilet, as you can see the toilet brush is right there.
Max Brown (peering into bowl): The culprit clearly had a burrito for lunch. Black beans, guacamole, and corn (extracts sample from bowl, puts it to his nose and sniffs, then tastes it) pulled pork and sour cream. That’s a big meal.
Office manager, grimmacing: It’s a small office.
Max Brown: Yes it is. I saw that when I walked in but there’s a problem here.
Office Manager: What is it?
Max Brown: You have seven people out there. Two of them are Jewish, no pork for them. One, the slovenly girl up front with the jet black hair and the facial piercings, is clearly a vegan. She was wearing a PETA pin. So she wouldn’t eat meat. Two more were eating their lunches. That takes us down to three, but one of them was Latino and we both know Latinos don’t eat at Chipotle and the older woman, in accounting, she’s constipated. I could tell by the way she was sitting. Her bowels are all plugged up. No way she did this.
Office Manager: So it’s got to be…Tyrell!
Max Brown: You’d like me to think that, wouldn’t you?
Office Manager: Whatever do you mean?
Max Brown: It’s not Tyrell ma’am. Tyrell’s a black man and there’s a Church’s Fried Chicken on the corner with a special. Two pieces, dark, with greens and a biscuit for 2.99. Tyrell got his chicken on today.
Office Manager: So…
Max Brown: So it’s YOU! You left streaks in the bowl and when your coworkers complained you called me to create a diversion. You counted on them to believe that it couldn’t be you. Not if you were going to call me. You counted on me to exclude you from the list of suspects because you hired me. But it didn’t work, toots.
Office Manager: Well I never! You have some nerve.
Max Brown: You have some nerve. I can see a smudge of guacamole on your cheek, and there’s burrito juice on your blouse. I bet if I checked your desk I’d find black beans and corn. But I don’t need to. (darts behind her and sniffs her ass, then sniffs the fecal sample from the toilet) A perfect match!
Office Manager, breaks down and sobs: I’m sorry. I just forgot to check the bowl when I was done. I’m so sorry. Go ahead and arrest me.
Max Brown: What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t arrest people.
Office Manager, brightening: No? So what are you going to do?
Max Brown: I’ll tell you what I’m going to do, ma’am.
Office Manager: Yes?
Max Brown: I’m going to hand you my bill…and can you validate my parking stub?
May 1, 2009 at 10:27 am rating: +45
#18
Sirius
The National Security Agency — Watching you pee since 1952.
May 1, 2009 at 10:51 am rating: +7
#19
Flaboy2425
Well, if you enjoy seeing me pee, I come here about once every four or five hours.
As for the whispering, I can hear you fart. Are you the one leaving the brown stains in the toilet?
Get a life! People work here. Pepople pee, whisper, and leave brown streaks. A brown stgreak in the pot is better than a pile on the floor.
May 1, 2009 at 11:04 am rating: +4
#20
DearJane
the toilet here is picky about what it flushes. If you don’t look back after it finishes flushing, you might not notice that it has kicked back a bit of paper, or worse, more organic material. It’s total fun babysitting the toilet to make sure that it’s done it’s job. At least it doesn’t habitually overflow like the last one.
May 1, 2009 at 11:31 am rating: +3
#21
Wade
For some reason all these notes bring George Michael to mind.
May 1, 2009 at 11:41 am rating: +10
#22
park rose
If you know this, you know this, and it could be a hell of a lot better, and I’ve really got to get to bed. Anyone want to give the third verse a try?
That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, turds and snakes, an air-fresh plane -
Pine Spruce is to be sprayed. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn -
turd serves its own needs, regarding your own needs. Feed it up a knock,
speed, grunt no, strength no. Bladder structure clatter piss from a height,
down height. Wire in a fire, represent the seven strains in an accidental
mire an’ to combat shite. Left her, wasn’t coming out in a hurry with the furies
breathing down her neck. Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered
crap. Look at that low aim! Fine then. Uh oh, overflow, defecation,
common group, but it’ll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. Turd serves its
own needs, listen to your farts deeds. Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right – right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright
light, feeling pretty psyched.
There’s a toilet brush if you need to use it
There’s a toilet brush if you need to use it
There’s a toilet brush if you need to use it, and you’ll feel fine.
Six o’clock – peeing hour. Don’t get caught, know who you are. Slash and burn,
return, listen to yourself churn. Blocked in bladderworm and hook burning,
blood letting. Every motion escalate. Automotive incinerate. Light a candle
light a motive. Step down, step down. Watch ordeal rush, rush. Uh oh,
this means no fear – cavalier. Renegade and steer clear! Ah, tore and rent,
ah tore and rent, a tournament of flies. Office has solutions, office has alternatives
but you decline.
There’s a toilet brush if you need to use it
There’s a toilet brush if you need to use it
There’s a toilet brush if you need to use it, and you’ll feel fine
…
There’s a toilet brush if you need to use it
There’s a toilet brush if you need to use it
There’s a toilet brush if you need to use it, and you’ll feel fine.
(It’s time I had some time alone)
(repeat to fade, or at least until the smell subsides)
May 1, 2009 at 12:21 pm rating: +12
#23
oi!
is that a restroom wall?
Note to self: Never go to New Zealand.
May 1, 2009 at 12:32 pm rating: +2
#24
oi!
you guys are mean! they are doing community service by posting informative notes, investing in binoculars and hearing aids and hiring toilet investigators all in name of humanity. so YOU are not blamed for social misconducts even by accident. In turn of spending money and time in pretty clip art, you posted that on PAN? shame on you.
May 1, 2009 at 1:10 pm rating: +5
#25
Woman on the Verge
When I’m in that office in Oregon I plan to whisper, “Can you hear me now? Good.”
May 1, 2009 at 1:47 pm rating: +5
#26
techmonkey
I used to live in an apartment that had a full window in the shower and had the frosted contact paper on it. I thought nothing of it until I came home after it was dark and my room mate was showering… That note looks like it may be in the same building I lived in.
May 1, 2009 at 2:11 pm rating: +1
#27
aaa
Big Brother is watching you.
May 1, 2009 at 2:58 pm rating: +3
#28
mamason
We can hear your whispers next door…
during our paranoid schizophrenics support group meeting.
BYOAF (Bring your own aluminum foil)
May 1, 2009 at 3:52 pm rating: +9
#29
mamason
I knew it! Just because I’m paranoid, it didn’t mean they weren’t watching!
May 1, 2009 at 3:59 pm rating: +3
#30
LLnL
This is my first visit and I know I’m going to like it here.
May 1, 2009 at 6:29 pm rating: +1
#31
Canthz_B
Of course you can hear my Whispers.
I crank up the volume for And The Beat Goes On and Olivia (Lost and turned out)
Stop writing notes and get off your ass and jam!
May 1, 2009 at 9:32 pm rating: +1
#32
nick
We can hear you pee and we know who you are.
May 2, 2009 at 9:59 am rating: +1
#33
Niccirf
Wait! Is this my office??
Nope…but it might as well be
May 2, 2009 at 2:45 pm rating: +1
#34
J
I was going to make a joke in reference to ceiling cat, but decided it was too easy.
May 3, 2009 at 10:31 pm rating: 0
#35
TP
The first note would be better accompanied by a bloodied axe and a ragged soaked in chemical.
May 3, 2009 at 11:17 pm rating: +1
#36
renoblue
IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, DON’T LISTEN.IF YOU CAN SEE ME, DON’T WATCH.AND PLEASE,PLEASE CLEAN UP YOUR OWN SHIT.PRETTY FRICKEN SIMPLE.
May 10, 2009 at 10:39 pm rating: 0
#37
t-bone
I would like to offer some background on the “I CAN SEE YOU PEE” sign…
imagine looking out the window above your desk, and seeing the fuzzy silhouette of a construction worker in the building opposite, looming above. Now imagine a strong, proud stream of “PEE” crashing down like Keith Richard’s guitar solo in Sympathy for the Devil… there is no choice NOT to see the pee.
May 18, 2009 at 10:28 pm rating: +1
#38 Really professional, for real. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: just sayin’ [...]
Dec 27, 2009 at 11:46 pm rating: 0
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