Just remember: smashing packets of condiments might be a festive way to celebrate, but it’ll cost you.
(Thanks to Coral from Minnesota for the photo.)
related: Deviled egg, anyone?
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— Canthz_B
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107 responses so far ↓
#1
Woman on the Verge
Nothing says passive aggressive like paying to burst packets of mayo on the sidewalk… except maybe bursting packets of catsup, free of charge.
May 5, 2009 at 8:07 am rating: +17
#2
Girl Friday
What if I fold them in half and put them under the toilet seat? Who pays for them then? Me or the person who sat down and smashed them?
May 5, 2009 at 8:15 am rating: +29
#3
CS harmonikah
The key is to just throw them around and hope other people smash them.
There is always a loophole.
May 5, 2009 at 8:27 am rating: +13
#4
Fresca
I would hate to work in the kind of establishment where notes like this are necessary.
But then….I say that about a lot of the notes that show up here.
May 5, 2009 at 8:36 am rating: +3
#5
Canthz_B
Charged for mayo packets?
Um, yeah. I think I’ve got that covered.
FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!
May 5, 2009 at 8:42 am rating: +2
#6
Mishee™
Well what do you expect me to do? Go throw rocks in the lake?
This is Minnesota for cripes sake! I’m bored!
May 5, 2009 at 8:48 am rating: +13
#7
Never known as the kid
I bet it’s not even real mayo, it’s probably that Miracle Whip shit………..
May 5, 2009 at 9:13 am rating: +11
#8
Beanster
Im interested in the system the proprietor of this establishment proposes to put in place to exact monetary and sanitary payment from offending customers.
Does reception of mayo only occur after a thorough interview, after which the receiver’s motives are sieved out from amongst the lies and ruses?
Will the receiver have free access to the mayo at first, but then be chased down by fore mentioned proprietor onto said sidewalk?
Will the proprietor charge the mayo to the credit card the customer used and then use the information to track said customer to his or her respective home with cleaning supplies, intending to drag said customer back to the establishment for forced labour?
Is the proprietor aware that forced labour is generally frowned upon?
So many unanswered questions!
May 5, 2009 at 9:18 am rating: +14
#9
you suck at craigslist
What if I wish to wear them like earrings? Or to balance one on my nose while singing “Hungry Like the Wolf”? It seems to me they haven’t thought through all the possibilities.
May 5, 2009 at 9:22 am rating: +5
#10
amy d
But the mayo squirting out of the packets adds panache to my Mexican Hat Dance. How will I earn money for my beer today?
May 5, 2009 at 9:40 am rating: +3
#11
anglophile
The urge to smash the packets is probably strong enough to overcome my innnate cheapness, but not my innate laziness. Damn it! They’ve checkmated me!
May 5, 2009 at 9:45 am rating: +16
#12
aaa
So Kerry, how long were you waiting to make this joke? ;D
May 5, 2009 at 9:50 am rating: +7
#13
GhostWriter
Don’t all Jewish weddings culminate with a ceremonial smashing of Mayo packets on the sidewalk? I’m pretty sure that the ones held in the Deli district do.
I’m sick of Arby’s anti-semitic ways!
May 5, 2009 at 9:53 am rating: +4
#14
Neeners
Psst! Psst! Psst! Ya you!!!
I know where you can get some free mayo packets man. It’s good chit man! All the free mayo packets you want! Chik Fil A is my supplier, they got the best!
May 5, 2009 at 10:41 am rating: +5
#15
Wade
They take the act of smashing packets of mayo very seriously in Minnesota. There’s even a clinic for it.
May 5, 2009 at 10:54 am rating: +43
#16
claw71
Yeah, um, you know those greasy white globs out there on the sidewalk? Not mayo. Sorry. I’d apologize and tell you that it won’t happen again, but I hate lying.
May 5, 2009 at 11:15 am rating: +8
#17
mamason
I’ve heard of smashing pumkins, but smashing packets of mayo, nope.
*but smashing*
May 5, 2009 at 11:46 am rating: +4
#18
ClearlyDemented
Maybe it’s just my aversion to authority figures, empty threats and smiley exclamation points, but I feel I’m too weak to fight the urge to…ah, fuck it, Travelocity, how soon can I be in Minnesota?
May 5, 2009 at 12:02 pm rating: +9
#19
JoelWhy
Well, there goes my Friday night plans…
May 5, 2009 at 12:34 pm rating: +2
#20
Daisychain 1978
Is that mayo on the sidewalk or are you just pleased to see me?
May 5, 2009 at 12:52 pm rating: +9
#21
Bunnee
Yay! Isuck had some comments on here for all of 45 minutes or so before Kerry got rid of them. She really IS magical!
May 5, 2009 at 1:32 pm rating: +5
#22
TheOldSchool
Tommy: “Mommy, our, new next door neighbor, Mr. Smith, said he has a magic puppet that lives in his pants.
“He said he’s a one-eyed, bald man, who cries real mayonnaise tears! I asked to see him, but Mr. Smith said his puppet only talks to women, ages 18 and older. You’re 28. He might show you!”
Mother: “Not now, Tommy. I need to rest. I’m worn-out from yesterday’s show. That puppet is such a crybaby…. just cries and cries and cries.”
May 5, 2009 at 1:52 pm rating: +4
#23
suzanne
I love this blog! Thanks for being…
and mayo is most disgusting
May 5, 2009 at 3:41 pm rating: 0
#24
claw71
Jerry Lundegaard: [answering the phone] Jerry Lundegaard.
Carl Showalter: Alright, Jerry, you got the phone to yourself?
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, yeah.
Carl Showalter: You know who this is?
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, yeah, I got an idea. How’s that Hellman’s working out for ya?
Carl Showalter: Circumstances have changed, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, what do ya mean?
Carl Showalter: Thing have changed, circumstances, Jerry, beyond the… uh, acts of god.
Jerry Lundegaard: How’s the Miracle Whip?
Carl Showalter: [puzzled] What’s Miracle Whip?
Jerry Lundegaard: SALAD DRESSING! What the-?
Carl Showalter: Oh, it’sshe’s alright, but there’s a few packets in Brainerd that aren’t so okay, I’ll tell you that.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck are ya talking about? Let’s just finish this sandwich here.
Carl Showalter: Mayo has been shed, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck do ya mean?
Carl Showalter: Three packets, in Brainerd.
Jerry Lundegaard: Oh, jeez.
Carl Showalter: That’s right, we need more mayo.
Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck are ya talking about? What do you fellas have yourself mixed up in?
Carl Showalter: We need more mayo…
Jerry Lundegaard: [interrupting] This was supposed to be a no rough stuff type deal!
Carl Showalter: [angry] DON’T EVER INTERRUPT ME, JERRY, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, I’m sorry, but I just- I don’t…
Carl Showalter: I’m not gonna debate you, Jerry! I’m not gonna debate! We now want the entire case of condiments!
Jerry Lundegaard: Oh, for chris’sake here
May 5, 2009 at 4:39 pm rating: +10
#25
mamason
May 5, 2009 at 4:48 pm rating: 0
#26
geeklygirly
Oh-oh-mayo-oh
Oh-oh-mayo
What’s on the sidewalk?
The white stuff
May 5, 2009 at 5:21 pm rating: +5
#27
SuperMe
what if i use the mayo to dip my fries in? do i get charged for it then? i don’t see why it should be sandwiches only.
May 6, 2009 at 4:42 am rating: +1
#28
MAMARILLA2
She could have scored higher with her note had she just used a heart instead of a smiley face.
May 6, 2009 at 3:29 pm rating: +1
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