Writes our anonymous submitter: “I’m the oldest of four girls, none of whom are living at home. In fact, we’re all currently living in different states. My mom resents the fact that we don’t want to spend the rest of our lives living under her roof. On mother’s day she screened my call, then mass-texted all four of us this gem. Happy mother’s day, Mom!!”
Meanwhile, Stephen in Spain thought he was being considerate by waiting until later in the day to call, given the six-hour time difference. Next year, he’ll know to wake his Mom up at 4 a.m. to show her JUST HOW MUCH HE CARES!
related: really, mom, you shouldn’t have
93 responses so far ↓
#1
Liz
I’m reminded of Kitty Forman from That ’70s Show.
“This is your way of acting grown-up? Grown-ups don’t just leave the comfort of their parents’ home to…to move to a new city and start a life! I think this is nuts. Don’t you just think this is nuts? The whole thing is just…just nuts!”
“Mom? I kinda think you’re the one who’s kind of being…”
“Oh, if you say I’m nuts you’re going right through that sliding door.”
May 10, 2009 at 5:06 pm rating: +30
#2
Gunderson105
There’s an elated baby goat day now???
I hope I can find a card for that.
May 10, 2009 at 5:27 pm rating: +15
#3
Grimfool_Reluctant
We need to get this mom together with the kid on the bus going to Michaels. I’ll have you know they would make a wonderful texting duet.
May 10, 2009 at 5:50 pm rating: +41
#4
KatieMB
I love the complete perfection and simplicity of this PAN – it needs to be nominated for the PAN HOF (Hall of Fame) as well as be included in the “PAN How-To Guide.”
May 10, 2009 at 6:01 pm rating: +6
#5
Dory
@Gunderson: Thanks, now I have this vision of ecstatic goats frolicking about the countryside, all happy and hopped up on Vicodin.
May 10, 2009 at 6:06 pm rating: +4
#6
KatieMB
PAN? Ur doin it pretty well, acktually.
May 10, 2009 at 6:06 pm rating: +3
#7
Canthz_B
…because I’d be very disappointed if you were living other people’s lives.
Love,
Mom
May 10, 2009 at 6:17 pm rating: +16
#8
ClearlyDemented
*REPLY*
Happy You-Need-Therapy Day!
P.S. Buy a dog.
May 10, 2009 at 6:17 pm rating: +27
#9
park rose
Kids, you need to tell ur mom that that she forwarded you from her inbox a long time ago.
Of course that is kind of mom’s point.
May 10, 2009 at 6:19 pm rating: +14
#10
ClearlyDemented
I’m sure the mother was a disappointment as well, as her mom didn’t want her to be a self-centered, controlling, crazy woman who procreates in order to have friends.
May 10, 2009 at 6:21 pm rating: +30
#11
Canthz_B
Mom thinks she’s God, giving life so magnanimously, all by herself.
It looks like a bleak Father’s Day for Dad, who had nothing to do with giving his children life as far as Mom is concerned.
May 10, 2009 at 6:22 pm rating: +8
#12
Kate
Ah, mothers. When I told my mom I hadn’t sent her a present, she went off on a “I am a martyr how dare you!” rant until I followed it up with the second half of my sentence, “…..but I’ll bring it when I visit in June.”
At which time she said, “You don’t have any money, don’t get me anything. I’ll return it.”
Moms are special snowflakes.
May 10, 2009 at 6:24 pm rating: +59
#13
Canthz_B
Thanks for the company, Mom.
Having you constantly living vicariously through us has been a complete joy to us.
Our only regret is that our umbilical cords were cut at birth.
Love,
Your tickets to immortality
May 10, 2009 at 6:46 pm rating: +22
#14
ClearlyDemented
This has now replaced the old #1 in my list of reasons I’m glad I’m a Gentile. Sorry, ‘I couldn’t take Mel Gibson thinking badly of me’, you’ve been demoted.
May 10, 2009 at 7:08 pm rating: +11
#15
TheOldSchool
Happy Mother’s Day, you silly old Moo.
The Restraining Orders are still in effect. Now piss off!
From: Your 4 Fuck Trophies
May 10, 2009 at 7:16 pm rating: +19
#16
TheOldSchool
Not uncoincidentally, the four states (where the daughters live) all have names that begin with the letter, “R.”
Repugnance, Repulsion, Reprobation, and Revulsion.
May 10, 2009 at 7:45 pm rating: +7
#17
Will
Man, I feel for Stephen. That’s a mom who knows how to lay down a guilt trip.
May 10, 2009 at 8:11 pm rating: +3
#18
Resident Grammarian esq
I think she should have accepted the phone call to make vague, bitter sounding remarks to make him as uncomfortale as possible. Then she should have mass texted them. The text could also have better, make up a story about backpain, the children should end up feeling guilty, not relieved that they got away.
May 10, 2009 at 8:22 pm rating: +2
#19
Wade
mom no està disponsible per al xat
translation:
mom is not available for xanthippic, aggrieved tirade
May 10, 2009 at 9:28 pm rating: +6
#20
Carol
Yeah, these moms are quite over bearing, but be happy your mom is still on the face of this earth. My mom passed almost 2 years ago and I would give anything to have her play a guilt trip on me. My mom wasn’t over bearing, but I’ll take over bearing over passed away anytime.
May 10, 2009 at 10:00 pm rating: +7
#21
Grimfool_Reluctant
I feel sorry for Stephen’s dad. “… and of course Dad would not remind you like I remind you when it is Father’s Day so you will send him something … ”
It looks innocent there in text, but I’m sure every word was snipped off with spite scissors.
Dad’s getting his share of the blame, too. Of course, Dads always do . . . “I get credit for pushing you out of my birth canal, but it’s THAT MAN’S fault for putting you up there in the first place.”
At least Stephen is on a different continent, but Dad is well within reach of the rubber slippers.
May 10, 2009 at 10:18 pm rating: +15
#22
aaa
Somehow, I don’t think Spain is far enough away for Stephen…
May 10, 2009 at 11:15 pm rating: +7
#23
Logan
My mom wrote on my birthday cake, “So glad I had to give birth to you so close to mother’s day. Those 27 hours of labour were easy” I hate when my birthday is on Mother’s day. If it’s the day before fine, but she has to comment on how long she was in labour for. Why oh why do I have to be born today!?
May 10, 2009 at 11:21 pm rating: +7
#24
Sarah
heh. I’m glad my mum doesn’t believe in Hallmark holidays. Even so, there’s an 11-hour time difference between me and mum (she’ s 11 hour ahead). Even though I have bronchitis and am really ill I stayed up late on Saturday night to call mum around 9:30 her time on Sunday. But she didn’t answer the phone! When she called me the next day I told her and she said that she’d been home the whole time. Gah!
May 11, 2009 at 2:01 am rating: +5
#25
TP
It’s usually the moms that guilt you and accuse you of not caring that deserve mother’s day greetings the least.
May 11, 2009 at 4:29 am rating: +7
#26
cat
be entertained
May 11, 2009 at 5:52 am rating: 0
#27
Mishee
That second email is why I took a half day on Friday, drove up 2 hours to surprise my mother at home by the time she got off work, and then waited all day alone on Saturday* while her and my step-dad went to a baseball game just to be able to spend Mother’s Day with her.
*ok, that wasn’t much of a sacrifice. It was my vacation too, dammit!
May 11, 2009 at 10:44 am rating: 0
#28
park rose
One can understand now why Stephen (who has 2 sisters) penned:
From the ice-age to the dole-age
There is but one concern
I have just discovered :
Some girls are bitchier than others
Some girls are bitchier than others
Some girl’s mothers are bitchier than
Other girl’s mothers
When his mother discovered this little love letter, she responded with a text that said:
The sins of the mother are indeed visited upon the child.
May 11, 2009 at 12:26 pm rating: +2
#29
DearJane
Why do I get the mental image that after this mother posted this text that she was clutching a daggar and started launching into Juliet’s soliliquy while watching the little “message sending” icon flash on her cell phone….
May 11, 2009 at 3:57 pm rating: +3
#30
Vic
Nice.
You should wish your mother Happy Mother’s Day while you can. There will be a day that you can’t.
May 11, 2009 at 4:32 pm rating: +1
#31
LOLLY
Can you say borderline personality disorder? Oh my yes.
May 27, 2009 at 6:37 pm rating: +1
#32
Daughter
This reminds me of when my mother called me two days after her birthday to say “I just checked the post mark on the card you sent me and it says 17:15 on the date of my birthday”. She added some more PA payback on my birthday a few days later when she called to make sure that I had received my card on time.
Crazy guilt-trip attempting mother.
May 29, 2009 at 11:16 am rating: 0
#33
Brian X
There seem to be people here who don’t understand that sharing half of someone’s DNA does not require that you put up with their emotionally abusive, mock-obsequious dipshittery…
Jun 20, 2009 at 6:56 pm rating: 0
#34
Sara
Wow, something very similar happened to me. I live a few states away from my parents but called and had lengthy conversations with them on their respective days. Yesterday my mother emailed me an ESSAY on how I obviously don’t love them because I didn’t send them a card and presents.
Jun 25, 2009 at 11:56 am rating: 0
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