Ladri di biciclette

May 11th, 2009 · 194 comments

Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence:

1. Assuming the thief who stole your bike is schooled in Italian neorealism; appealing to said thief’s desire to be one of the cool kids.

This is not post-war Italy. Stealing bikes is not cool.

2. Feigning empathy for said thief.

Dear bike thief, I am very sorry that circumstances in your life led you to need to steal my bike. I hope that taking it had helped you to get your life back on track. Good luck. Love, a friend [response] Thanks, chap! Don't worry - doing fine, the bike is terrific, hello from me mates. Later, bicycle thief

3. Chiding said thief for his stupidity via a barely legible run-on sentence without double-checking “you’re” grammar first.

STUPID BIKE THIEF YOUR [sic] RUBBISH NOW NOW ONE CAN USE THE BIKE SHAME ON YOU TRYING TO STEAL

(Grazie mille to Nadia in Melbourne, Chris in Amsterdam, and Tom in London for submitting!)

related: No, Daddy, I asked for a Wii!

FILED UNDER: Amsterdam · Australia · bicycle · London · Melbourne · public shaming · stealing · your/you're


194 responses so far ↓

  • #1   jen

    :)

    May 11, 2009 at 3:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   park rose

      I’m figuring that is on-topic and ironically iconic, ‘cos the smiley represents those cool plastic decorations that, when you were a child, you rummaged the bottom of the cereal packet for, and which you then clipped onto the spokes of your bicycle.

      May 11, 2009 at 4:06 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   T to the O

      :razz:

      May 11, 2009 at 9:33 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   anglophile bang

      :?

      May 11, 2009 at 10:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Ti to the O bang

      :sad:

      May 11, 2009 at 10:27 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Daisychain

      ;-)

      May 11, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   KatieMB

      :mrgreen:

      May 11, 2009 at 3:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Ti to the O bang

      :cool:

      May 11, 2009 at 4:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Mark bang

      :twisted:

      May 11, 2009 at 4:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   mamason bang

      :roll:

      May 11, 2009 at 4:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   Bunnee

      :shock:

      May 11, 2009 at 4:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   Mark bang

      :cry:

      May 11, 2009 at 4:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.12   unholyghost2003 bang

      :evil:

      May 11, 2009 at 4:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.13   unholyghost2003 bang

      :|

      May 11, 2009 at 4:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.14   Mark bang

      :oops:

      May 11, 2009 at 4:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.15   KatieMB

      :lol::lol:

      May 11, 2009 at 5:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.16   Mark bang

      :x

      May 11, 2009 at 5:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.17   Wade bang

      :o

      May 11, 2009 at 5:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.18   Wade bang

      :D

      May 11, 2009 at 6:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   lizard bang

    ohhh because i was a film major, mad props for referencing bicycle thieves/the bicycle thief! i don’t care if the thief knows it or not, he wants to be one of the cool kids: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/16/fashion/16CODES.html?_r=2&adxnnl=1&ref=fashion&adxnnlx=1242026654-rpykvPSdtSeL1JpQeumddg

    http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2009/04/15/style/20090416-dutchbike-feature.html

    …sooo pretentious… :-D

    May 11, 2009 at 3:25 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      I see your over priced import pretention and raise you a well maintained 1960 Columbia Torpedo. That is right, I ride a classic American bike and I was doing so BEFORE it was “cool”. I was also drinking American craft brews while you all were still drinking imports in clear bottles

      *derisive snort*

      May 11, 2009 at 10:15 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   ryanmalloy

      American beer is like making love in a canoe.

      May 11, 2009 at 10:53 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Mark bang

      Correction, ryanmalloy. American megaswill is like making love in a canoe. (and of course there’s that whole thing about how you define “American” anymore — BudMillOors are all foreign-owned now)

      There are plenty of American craft brews that knock the socks off of anything else out there in the rest of the world.

      May 11, 2009 at 10:58 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   park rose

      Sockless in Seattle, Mark?

      May 11, 2009 at 11:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Mishee™ bang

      UGH – you are such a snob.

      I love it!

      May 11, 2009 at 11:34 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   lizard bang

      actually…because i’m in china, this is more my style:

      http://www.chinatravel.net/feature/The-It-s-the-S-t-Factor/2313.html

      http://www.chinatravel.net/feature/5-000-Years-of-Civilized-Riding/2328.html

      hehehe
      although it does spoofily condone stealing bikes

      May 11, 2009 at 11:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   mamason bang

      So… what is it like, making love in a canoe?

      May 11, 2009 at 4:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   Ti to the O bang

      tippsy!

      May 11, 2009 at 4:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.9   unholyghost2003 bang

      oar-gasmic.

      May 11, 2009 at 4:47 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.10   oi!

      It’s raw.

      May 11, 2009 at 4:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.11   KatieMB

      Rise to the bait!

      May 11, 2009 at 4:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.12   rebecca

      FUCKING CLOSE TO WATER!

      ….sorry for screaming, i got really excited

      May 11, 2009 at 5:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.13   Tastelessandless

      So, you’re a screamer, eh? Nudge-nudge, a nod’s as good as a wink to a blind (dead gay) horse.

      May 11, 2009 at 5:48 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.14   TheOldSchool

      Sounds to me like someone’s beggin’ for a paddling.

      May 11, 2009 at 6:03 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.15   Tastelessandless

      Well then, you should ask Wade — even though he’s on record as being against rowing.
      [Row v. Wade]

      May 11, 2009 at 6:09 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.16   TheOldSchool

      The best canoe fuckers know how to boof.

      Controlling the tempo your pivot strokes is another key.

      May 11, 2009 at 6:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.17   Canthz_B bang

      Water-boarding.

      May 11, 2009 at 8:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Curmudgeon

    Why do people steal bikes? Do they really need them or are they selling them for crack money? I can’t keep up with what the kids do these days. Bah!

    May 11, 2009 at 4:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   cheeky

      well, at least you follow current events enough to know that the kids are doing crack. that’s a good start.

      May 11, 2009 at 5:06 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   claw71 bang

      Current events? Please. Crack is so 1989 and back then we weren’t stealing bikes for crack money, we were jackin’ niggas for their kicks. Air Jordans, baby. Once in a while you might snatch a fool’s Starter Jacket, but only if he was representin’ the Oak-town Raiders, Chicago White Sox or the LA Kings. Cuz if dey aint wearin’ black, you be knowin’ dey wiggity-whack.

      May 11, 2009 at 8:49 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Canthz_B bang

      People steal bikes because they don’t yet have license to drive.
      Once they pass the written and road tests, they move on to auto theft.

      May 11, 2009 at 8:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Clumber bang

      …until they get too many DUIs and lose their licenses whereupon they are back to bikes and perhaps, meth.

      May 13, 2009 at 9:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Or they do what they do here in the south..drive anyway, after all they don’t have insurance or seat belts…hoods on the engines, windows, headlights……..

      May 17, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   ian in hamburg

    Bike thieves are the worst form of scum. Around here they either ship them whole for re-sale in Eastern Europe or strip them from parts and throw the frame in the river.
    If you could buy and off-the-shelf pipe bomb to stuff into the frame and set off by remote control should the bike ever be stolen, I’d buy it.

    May 11, 2009 at 6:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   claw71 bang

      This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb.

      May 11, 2009 at 8:51 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Mishee

      This bike will self destruct in 30 seconds.

      May 11, 2009 at 9:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   anglophile bang

      Really, ian? The worst form of scum? I can think of a few worse forms of scum. Sex-trade slavers, church arsonists and puppy-kickers come to mind right off the bat.

      May 11, 2009 at 10:26 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   park rose bang

      Not even to begin to mention the scum that rises to the top of the brothel broth when making soup.

      May 11, 2009 at 10:32 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Mishee

      …or Hitler, Glo!

      Does that invoke Godwin’s Law?

      May 11, 2009 at 10:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   TheOldSchool

      “My brother wants a grande brothel broth without that awful brothel broth froth, if it’s no bother.”

      May 11, 2009 at 10:59 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   park rose bang

      Froth and bother, brother. That’s what a brothel’s all about, or so I’ve heard.

      May 11, 2009 at 11:08 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   KatieMB

      Oh it’s no bother, here in the brothel to serve you a frothless grande brothel broth … you did say grande, didn’t you? Of course you did, I can see that is what you would want…. that will, of course, be at an additional cost, but I assure you it’s well worth the investment.

      May 11, 2009 at 4:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.9   Clumber bang

      4.5 – I thought you had to say it 3 times in the mirror?

      May 13, 2009 at 9:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Wade bang

    “Now no one can ride the bike.”

    I wonder if the ladies bike in question belonged to Alotta Fagina.

    May 11, 2009 at 6:40 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Ti to the O bang

      Oh behave!

      May 11, 2009 at 11:48 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Do we shag now or shag later, on the bike.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Tastelessandless

      That’s up to our lovely spokes-model. (She prefers to drink alone because she can’t handle bars.)

      May 11, 2009 at 4:06 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   KatieMB

      I won’t bite… hard.

      May 11, 2009 at 4:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   oi!

      That’s what red dragon said………..

      May 11, 2009 at 4:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Woman on the Verge bang

    What exactly would you like me to do with my rubbish?

    May 11, 2009 at 8:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Phalange

    Apparently I wasn’t segmenting the first one like the author wanted. I read:

    Att: Bike – This is war, Italy! Bikes is thief. Not post stealing? Not cool.

    Which leads me to believe that someone is declaring war on Italy because some dude named Bikes is a thief. And apparently you are only cool if you go around stealing fence posts.

    May 11, 2009 at 8:14 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      I did the exact same thing.

      May 11, 2009 at 8:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   park rose

      Steals Uhg’s post

      I did the exact same thing

      …anything to be considered cool.

      May 11, 2009 at 8:31 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   AuntyBron

      Maybe it’s the English major in me, but I had trouble decyphering it even when I did have it segmented correctly.

      May 11, 2009 at 11:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   park rose

      Was he standing to attention, like the bike?

      May 11, 2009 at 11:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   fluffy8u

      Oh thank goodness! I thought I was the only one who couldn’t read that!

      So we’re all in agreement that instead of worrying about his bike, this fool needs to go back to school?

      May 11, 2009 at 3:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Canthz_B bang

      I was having trouble figuring out what an AT&T bike was. Talk about hi-tech wheels!!

      May 11, 2009 at 8:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   LDhummingbird

      See, I read it as declaring war on the bike because ItalyBikes was stealing. Otherwise exactly the same.

      May 12, 2009 at 12:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   April

      It took me five minutes to figure out what exactly they were trying to say. I’m still not really sure… Italian Bike War?

      May 12, 2009 at 6:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   Clumber bang

      I thought the same thing, Phalange, but you thought it much, much funnier.

      Thanks, asshole, for the stomachache! (holy shit that’s a strange word to type… stoma! Cha Che Cha!)

      May 13, 2009 at 9:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   anglophile bang

    I just can’t believe no one has tried to steal the post-war Italian sofa.

    May 11, 2009 at 8:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   claw71 bang

      Yes, but which war?

      May 11, 2009 at 8:52 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Mark bang

      Don’t mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.

      May 11, 2009 at 10:33 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Sirius bang

      What do you mean, I started it? You started it — you invaded Poland!

      May 11, 2009 at 10:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Mark bang

      ♫ Springtime for Hitler and Germany… Winter for Poland and France! ♫

      May 11, 2009 at 10:55 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Dis makes me feel like a little school girl.

      May 11, 2009 at 1:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   KatieMB

      Make love, not war.

      May 11, 2009 at 4:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   QuarterRoy00 bang

    So did the bike theif in the 2nd submission steal a computer to type up his response?

    These are the questions we need answered!

    May 11, 2009 at 9:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   ryanmalloy

      That is only one question.

      Question 2: If so, did the bike thief use spell check to correctly spell “thief”?

      May 11, 2009 at 10:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   T to the O

    I want to ride my bicycle. I want to ride my bike. I want to ride my bicycle. I want to ride it where I like.

    May 11, 2009 at 9:42 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Bunnee

      BI-cycle, BI-cycle!

      May 11, 2009 at 11:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Ti to the O bang

      BI-cycle… RACE!

      ( ♥ Bunnee )

      May 11, 2009 at 11:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Beanster

      ( dring dring )

      May 11, 2009 at 5:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   park rose bang

    By my reckoning, the third note was written by a school marm (whose specialty is not English), and whose only mode of transport was stolen on her way to work. Who else carries blue chalk in the pockets of their ankle length skirts? (hell on the spokes).

    I am also confused as to whether the stupid bike thief stole a lady’s style-bike, or a bike belonging to a lady. I’m not sure which way the shame is being angled.

    May 11, 2009 at 9:51 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Bunnee

      I’m not sure if he actually stole it, or if he tried to steal it, according to the note. Maybe the school marm spotted said bicycle thief trying to steal the bicycle and came-a- running, beating him around the head with her umbrella, school-marmish style.

      May 11, 2009 at 11:31 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   park rose

      Well spotted, Bunnee. I guess I got distracted by the lack of ‘attempted’ snuggled inbetween ‘stupid’ and ‘bike thief’.

      I would argue that the school marm has a frilly parasol rather than a functional umbrella (and blue chalk).

      May 11, 2009 at 11:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Mishee™ bang

      ummm… I believe the school marm would probably use her handbag, as it is May now and no need for an umbrella.

      (And I would’ve missed Bunnee’s post had she not said “marmish”.)

      May 11, 2009 at 2:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Bunnee

      But don’t you know that all school marms subscribe to the same credo as Scouts? “Always be prepared”. Therefore, they always carry an umbrella, or parasol, if you like. (and blue chalk, like Rose said. One never knows when one will need to scribble out a PAN on a sidewalk!)

      “Marmish” is a fun word to say, much like your name, Mishee. Aren’t we supposed to work your name in wherever we can? (if not your actual name, then something that sounds like it?) :)

      May 11, 2009 at 2:53 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   slythwolf

      It does occasionally rain in May in many parts of the world.

      May 12, 2009 at 3:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   park rose bang

    The town bike’s encounter with the bike thief was so traumatic that she declared, ‘Your [sic] rubbish! I’m never letting anyone ride me again.’

    Thus it was spoke.

    May 11, 2009 at 10:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Mishee™ bang

    You notice none of these notes hail from the Good Ol’ USA?

    That’s cause when someone steals our bike over here, we just turn around and steal someone else’s in turn…

    We play musical bikes!

    May 11, 2009 at 10:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   AuntyBron

      I don’t know where you’re from Mishee, but in Detroit it’s more like “Stop, Bike thief (BLAM, BLAM, BLAM) or I’ll shoot!”

      May 11, 2009 at 11:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   fluffy8u

      LA’s like that too. Well, East LA is. The other parts are more like, “Wow, you had a bike? Did your Prius break down?”

      May 11, 2009 at 3:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   KatieMB

      Most bikes here in CT are the stationary kind you find in the gym… they hardly evah get stolen, but they do have signs on them:

      “Wipe your sweat off the seat when finished using the bike you disgusting pig! kthx!”

      May 11, 2009 at 4:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Phalange

    I bet all these stolen bikes wind up in the basement of the Alamo.

    May 11, 2009 at 10:25 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Ti to the O bang

      The stars at night are big and bright… ♫

      May 11, 2009 at 10:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Bunnee

      OK, Timo, I waited for someone else to do this, but I guess since I live in Texas, I’ll have to be the one.

      clap-clap-clap-clap

      May 11, 2009 at 1:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Que nos acordamos de que?

      May 11, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Bunnee

      No habla espanol… (and I can’t make the little mark over the “n”, either) Are you saying “do we agree about this” ? Yes, I am in Texas, but I can only grasp the most rudimentary Spanish, since I took French in high school and college. I know, I know, real practical for someone living in Texas! ;)

      May 11, 2009 at 2:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Regarde Le Alamo? (jr High French& high chool typing) Do itashemashete.

      May 11, 2009 at 2:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   Bunnee

      Do itashemashete.

      Ummm, what?
      Yes, I have seen the Alamo, but only on out of town trips. And Pee Wee wasn’t there.

      May 11, 2009 at 3:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Badly spelled Japanese …how about Domo arigato..

      Is the word ecoute? Babblefish, where are you?

      May 11, 2009 at 3:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.8   Ti to the O bang

      YAY!
      Deep in the heart of Texas!

      Si nous avons demandé à la guide touristique où le sol a été elle rient de nous. Mais pas avec le rire que vous avez. Le rire de joyeux des cloches qui me fait naviguer de haut en l’air avec bonheur.

      Si pedimos a la guía donde el sótano se ríen de ella nosotros. Pero no con la risa que tiene. La risa de campanas feliz que me hace la vela de alta en el aire con la felicidad.

      There are many things we should remember and don’t.

      May 11, 2009 at 3:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.9   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Light me up a cigarette baby, I am so done…thank you.

      May 11, 2009 at 4:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.10   Bunnee

      Timo, you are a man of many talents! High school and college were cough-cough years ago, so it would take me a LONG time to translate that. I can pronounce the hell out of it, though! :lol:

      May 11, 2009 at 4:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.11   Wade bang

      Merci-bleh-bleh!

      May 11, 2009 at 10:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Bernd das Brot bang

    Bicycle owners of all lands, unite!

    May 11, 2009 at 10:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   fluffy8u

      I can’t say anything… My heart still cries from that time I got my bike stolen when I was 7.

      I ran in the house to get my mom to show her a trick, when we came out, my bike was gone.

      I miss my bike… Santa gave it to me… (I think he was the one to take it, so that’s why I now leave cookies out for the Tooth Fairy instead. She never took back the goods.)

      May 11, 2009 at 3:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   TheOldSchool

    Carpe bicycle!

    May 11, 2009 at 11:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   park rose

      Stop being koi, now.

      May 11, 2009 at 11:21 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Bet you had to fish around for that comment.

      May 11, 2009 at 11:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   AuntyBron

      This thread had me hooked. It was reely bad

      May 11, 2009 at 11:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   park rose

      You can stop, now, too, Mrilla2, you’re just too finny.

      May 11, 2009 at 11:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   amy d bang

      You wouldn’t want her to flounder around, would you?

      May 11, 2009 at 11:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.6   Ti to the O bang

      The whole thing gave her a haddock!

      May 11, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I really need to ge trout of here fast then.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.8   ryanmalloy

      The whole thing sounds fishy

      May 11, 2009 at 12:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.9   anglophile bang

      You guys are going to be in so much trouble when aaa reads this. She’ll have your heads on a pike.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.10   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Is she that much of a barracuda?

      May 11, 2009 at 12:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.11   park rose

      On a broad scale, not really, but personally, she’ll be gutted. Excuse my offal joke.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.12   MAMARILLA2 bang

      But I was just squidding around, you know?

      May 11, 2009 at 12:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.13   park rose

      Shore, shore, that’s what you say now. Well, I’m sleepery as an eel, so it’s off to bed for me. *Waves*, froth and bubbles.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:39 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.14   Ti to the O bang

      Come on she isn’t as crabby as you make her sound.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.15   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Will she give me a sockeye just for luring people onto this thread?

      May 11, 2009 at 12:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.16   park rose

      I don’t know about her, but if you lure some tender, young, whitebait, you’re sure to hook Claw.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.17   Ti to the O bang

      Not if you mollify her with a gentle tuna.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.18   TheOldSchool

      I just wish she’d return my cod piece.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.19   park rose

      I heard the sperm whale was using it.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.20   MAMARILLA2 bang

      You are acting like I’m some kind of Pool shark.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.21   TheOldSchool

      Just for the halibut, no doubt.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.22   park rose

      caviar emptor, Mrilla, caviar emptor.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.23   TheOldSchool

      They must not have read the sturgeon general’s warning.

      May 11, 2009 at 1:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.24   MAMARILLA2 bang

      This must be what they meant when they said the pen was mightier that the swordfish.

      May 11, 2009 at 1:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.25   Sirius bang

      Shrimply awful puns. The whole grouper ya should just clam up.

      May 11, 2009 at 1:10 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.26   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Once the lamprey is lit then all betas are off.

      May 11, 2009 at 1:15 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.27   Bunnee

      This comment roe is trying my sole. Cod you guys cut it out?

      May 11, 2009 at 1:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.28   Sirius bang


      If you’re diving at night
      And you feel an eel bite
      That’s a Moray ♪

      May 11, 2009 at 1:22 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.29   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Beluga! You are enjoying this shad-dy example of opportuna-istic verbal whale-ing.

      May 11, 2009 at 1:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.30   Sirius bang

      I had to steal the bike — my Barracuda wasn’t running because I blew a seal.

      Which reminds me — did I ever tell you about the time I got kicked out of Sea World?

      May 11, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.31   MAMARILLA2 bang

      God… everyone thinks he’s a clownfish.

      May 11, 2009 at 1:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.32   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Has this thread reached the end of its line?
      Have we given up hook ,line and sinker?
      Somebody chum the water for another sucker.

      May 11, 2009 at 2:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.33   Eric bang


      Goldfish shoals
      nibbling at my toes
      Fun Fun Fun
      in the Sun Sun Sun♫

      May 11, 2009 at 3:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.34   fluffy8u

      Wow. I’m bass-full. How cod I ever continue the fishful puns?

      May 11, 2009 at 3:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.35   Tastelessandless

      Abalone! Salmon has to keep the current stream of comments flowing or we’ll die of shark.

      May 11, 2009 at 3:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.36   anglophile bang

      Red Dwarf! Eric, I have starfish in my eyes!

      May 11, 2009 at 4:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.37   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Mako no mistakes, we can not afford to be Basking shark in the sun while others Hammerhead out the problems.

      May 11, 2009 at 4:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.38   Tastelessandless

      re: 16.36 – I believe that they prefer to be called Communist little persons. I had to share that so you wouldn’t think I was shellfish.

      May 11, 2009 at 4:11 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.39   amy d bang

      I’m tube-eyed that ya’ll are still going at this with a vendace.

      May 11, 2009 at 4:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.40   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Ah, the world is our bi-valve mollusk and we the sand to make the pearl..

      and today I feel like such an urchin ready to sponge off the old day and sing the new coral of the new.

      May 11, 2009 at 4:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.41   KatieMB

      “We’re going to need a bigger boat…”

      (Had to use it since I couldn’t come up with another fish-y pun! Well done everyone!!!)

      May 11, 2009 at 4:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.42   mamason bang

      Clam up.

      May 11, 2009 at 5:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.43   TheOldSchool

      That blowfish is a hootie.

      May 11, 2009 at 7:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.44   Canthz_B bang

      This type of thing doesn’t usually go on so long.
      I guess this was just a fluke.

      May 11, 2009 at 9:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.45   unholyghost2003 bang

      CB, Don’t you ever go to the place with the thing?
      Not to school you on the ways of PAN

      May 11, 2009 at 9:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.46   octavius

      Is your wrass big and shiny?

      May 11, 2009 at 11:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.47   RandyinReno

      I’m sure we could keep this up trout the evening.

      May 12, 2009 at 3:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.48   Canthz_B bang

      Trout = 16.7, Randy, but don’t give up, there are still shads of fishes to choose from! ;-)

      May 12, 2009 at 8:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.49   Canthz_B bang

      I hope I didn’t just make anemone of RandyinReno. I just smelt a joke there, nothing personal!

      May 12, 2009 at 8:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   park rose

    nevermind

    May 11, 2009 at 12:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Miss Latela, do you also abhor Sax and Violins?

      May 11, 2009 at 2:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Ti to the O bang

    Does your bicycling Monkey bite?

    May 11, 2009 at 12:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Now is the time on sprockets when we dance.

      May 11, 2009 at 12:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Bunnee

      Would you like to touch my monkey?

      May 11, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Touch my monkey!

      May 11, 2009 at 1:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Ti to the O bang

      :grin: :!: :lol: :mrgreen:

      May 11, 2009 at 3:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Tastelessandless

      Touch him!

      May 11, 2009 at 3:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   KatieMB

      OK now that you’ve touched him…

      May 11, 2009 at 4:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   TheOldSchool

    I think the thieves are the heroes in the story.

    Bicyclists pretend to be environmentalists, but they rarely consider all the energy and natural resources that are expended in the manufacturing of their bikes.

    And they NEVER consider all the consider all the petroleum that gets wasted when cars have to swerve around them, rather than proceeding in a straight line.

    Bikers want to love the earth, but the earth just wants to be friends.

    Mother Nature’s just not that into them.

    May 11, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   fluffy8u

      Bikers are woth 10 points if you can hit them (because they’re mobile). 15 if they’re bike is motorized.

      May 11, 2009 at 3:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Tastelessandless

      How can you tell if they are “bike is motorized”?

      May 11, 2009 at 3:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   TheOldSchool

      By they are smiles. The whirring sound. She makes they are faces show the delight. Happy like Mrs. Chef Boy They Are Dee.

      May 11, 2009 at 6:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Daisychain

    *Written in pink chalk with a lovely chalk flower/penis adornment/cheeky emoticon*

    “Dear, blue chalk and ex-ladies bike owner.
    So if it was a man’s bike that would have been okay then? Okay thanks, I’ll know for next time.

    Yours now educated on the etiquette of bike theft,

    Rubbish bike theif x x x”

    May 11, 2009 at 12:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Bunnee

    Boy, talk about dedication to your PANs! The writer of the second note went to such lengths as to place the note in a sheet protector!

    May 11, 2009 at 1:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   oi!

    In the first note why it says it is not post war? Were there any responses from bike thief? I want to see them!

    May 11, 2009 at 2:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   ryanmalloy

      The post war is over. The e-mail war is on now.

      May 11, 2009 at 2:42 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Tastelessandless

      Flame on!

      May 11, 2009 at 3:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   fluffy8u

      Wait, Ryan, if PAN has taught us anything it’s that we have moved on to the Text War and are trasitioning to the Facebook War.

      May 11, 2009 at 3:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   anglophile bang

      *awaits with trepidation the first Twitter PAN entry*

      May 11, 2009 at 4:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   oi!

    Per poster # 1, It was cool to steal the bike in post-war Italy but not now. I need to know exactly what is cool to steal? I will make sure I will steal that stuff only. Does it also depend on the country or time of the day etc? If yes I need exact details.

    May 11, 2009 at 4:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   park rose

    I’m thinking that if the owner of the bike in picture one had the foresight to use that masking tape to secure his/her bike to the wrought iron posts, there wouldn’t have been any need for the post war post modern cut up dissertation. Though that could be all an allusion on my part.

    May 11, 2009 at 8:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   beachpeach

    wouldn’t it be… I Ladri? …. but i believe there is only one, so then should it not be ladro, regardless of whether or not you decided to include the article?
    just sayin.

    May 11, 2009 at 9:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      ummm except the “hero” becomes a thief himself … But thanks for playing pretentious with us!
      (seriously, thanks for playing :D )

      May 11, 2009 at 9:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   park rose

      la-dri-di, la-dri-da

      (I’ve got a nineties dance track stuck in my head, and I can’t, for the life of me, remember the name. If I hum a few off-key bars of the tuna you might be able to help me out).

      May 11, 2009 at 9:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   Lexi

      park rose
      I think you are thinking of Crystal Waters
      Gypsy Woman (She’s Homeless)
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaIGPlfH_rs

      May 12, 2009 at 9:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   beachpeach

      wow unholyghost, you sure suck
      playing pretentious? no, i actually just speak the language…
      but i’m glad you got your passive-aggression out for the day. no really, i am.

      May 12, 2009 at 8:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   park rose

      You’re a legend, Lexi! :D That’s the one.

      May 12, 2009 at 11:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   hey now

    Apparently the sign writer isn’t schooled in italian neorealism either. Stealing a bike in postwar Italy was decidedly UNcool.

    May 11, 2009 at 10:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   nick

    :) sorry, I’m late.

    May 12, 2009 at 7:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Canthz_B bang

      Dead people can post here?

      The late nick says he’s sorry :lol:

      May 12, 2009 at 8:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Canthz_B bang

      Wouldn’t it be wild if the internet also functions as an electronic ouija board? Who’s to tell which of us are communicating from where?

      May 12, 2009 at 9:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   oi!

    well internet is not ouija board so I ‘ll do you a favor and let you know that I am howling from hell.
    *dark, ominous music plays*
    this one fits rightly on, I am late thread.

    May 20, 2009 at 8:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   oi!

      damn gigglebrax 28 = 27.3.

      May 20, 2009 at 8:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   The mystery of the bum-scratching bike thief | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

    [...] Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence [...]

    May 4, 2010 at 7:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Sorry for the re-stealing | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] Dear Bike Thief, I am very sorry [...]

    Oct 14, 2010 at 10:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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