So…the water cooler’s hosting rainbow parties again?

May 13th, 2009 · 155 comments

Spotted above the office “water cooler” by “Josh” in Boston…

I can't believe the amount of 'pink' lipstick that was removed from the water spout. Please be more considerate of others. You know who you are!

related: And all the pieces matter

FILED UNDER: Boston · office · unnecessary "quotation marks" · water · you know who you are


155 responses so far ↓

  • #1   I suck

    You should see the amount of pink lipstick under my spout

    May 13, 2009 at 9:04 am   rating: 80  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Jimmy Straightline

      Lipstick on the spout is the most efficient way to get the new shade of “Fuck Me Pink” onto everyone in the office.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:41 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   coorain bang

      I can’t believe some people don’t wear lipstick. It’s soo inconsiderate of others.

      May 13, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   marblecheshire

      Do you have a preference for pink or does brown raisin crank your tractor?

      May 15, 2009 at 11:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   famine

    Is it still considered cool to be first? :-)

    May 13, 2009 at 9:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   famine

      Darn it, doesn’t matter. . . was second. Beaten by a better comment, I might add!

      May 13, 2009 at 9:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Joe bang

      Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s very self-deprecating to call yourself worse than Isuck.

      May 13, 2009 at 9:41 am   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   CS harmonikah

      and yet in this case, accurate.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:06 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   sarcastic monkey

      It was never cool to be first. There have just been idiots like you who thought it was cool.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:17 am   rating: 40  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   famine

      thank you for your assistance helping me win a bet. . .

      May 14, 2009 at 2:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   Holiday Djinn

      What bet is that? Who is a bigger douchebag you or isuck? House wins, it’s a push.

      May 14, 2009 at 3:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   famine

      Whatever you need to tell yourself. . .

      May 20, 2009 at 9:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Woman on the Verge bang

    Why is the word pink in quotation marks? Was it really pink or was it red? Coral? Passionfruit?

    May 13, 2009 at 9:09 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Goldie

      Red is the new pink. Canine erection is the new lipstick. What the note really says is “Your dog tried to hump our water cooler and got stuck. You know who you are.” Happy hump day, PAN friends!

      May 13, 2009 at 9:23 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Grimfool_Reluctant

      Why is Boston in quotation marks? Was it really Boston? Why isn’t the submitter known as “Josh”? Are these “air quotes” or “direct quotes”? “Inquiring” “minds” “want to” “know”!

      May 13, 2009 at 10:08 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   CS harmonikah

      I think the “boston” was mocking that the note that had one word randomly in quotation marks.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Lady J J

      “pink” is a euphemism for “i bet you can suck the chrome off a hitch”

      May 13, 2009 at 11:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   fluffy8u

      I disagree, Lady J J, I think the author was doubting that it was actually pink.

      Or, perhaps it is symbolism for the childish personality of the note recipient. That would make pink a good choice in color as directly putting one’s lips to the tap is childish in nature.

      May 13, 2009 at 6:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   Daisychain

      Nah, they quotation marked “pink” because not only does “you know who you are” know, the “Boston” poster knew who the culprit was too because “pink” was meant to be their snaptastic way of exercising the oh so passive aggressive technique of :
      I won’t call you out directly but I will sure as well hint the burro’s ass out of it.

      Am I right or am I right? Too bad there is no “D” to set us straight on the matter.

      May 14, 2009 at 7:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   unholyghost2003 bang

    Really! Have some thought for others. Here at Poppy Z Brite publishing we do not appreciate PINK lipstick on our staff.

    May 13, 2009 at 9:09 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Holiday Djinn

      I enjoy pink lipstick on my staff!

      May 13, 2009 at 9:13 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Grimfool_Reluctant

      Thanks, Samuel Jackson!

      May 13, 2009 at 10:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Canthz_B bang

      I’M TIRED OF THIS MOTHER-FUCKING LIPSTICK, ON MY MOTHER-FUCKING SPOUT!

      May 13, 2009 at 4:10 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Canthz_B bang

      HD, is that lipstick, or a “staff” infection? :lol:

      May 13, 2009 at 4:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Woman on the Verge bang

    Why does this evoke images of secretaries gathered around the cooler taking turns placing their heads under the spout while the others chant “Drink! Drink! Drink!”?

    May 13, 2009 at 9:10 am   rating: 72  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   CS harmonikah

      Now i picture someone being held upside down like a keg stand. And most likely an intern; that’s what they are there for

      May 13, 2009 at 9:16 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   RoxyBlue

      That’s almost exactly what I visualized. Gross.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Clumber bang

      DAMN the “Error : Already Voted” message! DAMN IT TO HELL!

      lols and such.

      May 13, 2009 at 7:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Tigli

    Ewwwww… who puts their mouth on the office water cooler? Is this some sort of double entendre that I’m not getting?

    May 13, 2009 at 9:11 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   fluffy8u

      Yes.

      May 13, 2009 at 6:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Tigli

      fair enough. the story of my life…

      May 14, 2009 at 9:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   CS harmonikah

    Are they suggesting that someone is drinking out of the water cooler like a sippy cup?

    Who does that? Are they a fucking gerbil? That should be one of the things that results in an automatic termination in the workplace.

    May 13, 2009 at 9:11 am   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   RoxyBlue

      It’s so weird. Every time “insert girl name” is sick the whole office gets sick.

      Nasty!

      May 13, 2009 at 10:32 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Kimberly

      I’m thinking it is a water fountain, not a water cooler. I was envisioning someone drinking like a gerbil at first too.

      May 13, 2009 at 11:57 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Bunnee

      You should see them when they get on their little exercise wheels!

      May 13, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   chance

      Same thing happens at my damn office. It’s these women (read: whores) who apply freaking metric tons of lipstick which gets transferred to their water bottles. Then they put their disgusting, germ-ridden water bottles right up to the spout coating it with hot-pink goo! Damn them!!!

      May 13, 2009 at 1:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   SuperMe

      Happens at my office too. It’s water bottle – water cooler transference.

      May 13, 2009 at 3:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Clumber bang

      Knowing the answer to this makes me want to strangle myself to death… but here goes…

      I 100% believe they meant water cooler, not fountain. The water cooler nozzles where I work ALL get CAKED with disgusting gobs of lipstick, various shades of pink, thus I would probably also call it “pink”.

      I have worked here now 3½ years and I have yet to see anyone bent over sucking the water cooler (feel free to entendre that all you want, it’s ok. They like that sort of thing hereabouts…) yet. Could, indeed, be some odd transfer, but 3rd degree crud transfer doesn’t make it any less vile. I am exceedingly cautious, making sure that no part of my own water bottle touches the damn spout when I refill it… scarier then Operation : The Wacky Doctor’s Game!

      May 13, 2009 at 7:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   HappyNat

      This is why I get my drinking water from the toilet.

      May 14, 2009 at 8:52 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   KatieMB

      Well who doesn’t like a golden shower?

      May 14, 2009 at 6:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   QuarterRoy00 bang

    The after work BJ class really needs to start cleaning up after themselves.

    May 13, 2009 at 9:24 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Grimfool_Reluctant

      The class is bound by the curriculum. They’re just now doing tutorials on “swallowing.” The next lesson is “swapping.” “Tissue application and swabbing” is just before final exams.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Eric bang

      Final Exam:

      “Two Girls, One Cooler”

      May 13, 2009 at 2:08 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Diane

      Pretty soon reaction videos will be all over YouTube.

      May 13, 2009 at 2:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   QuarterRoy00 bang

    It’s all “pink” on the inside…or so I’ve been told…

    May 13, 2009 at 9:26 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Canthz_B bang

      It should be, that’s why I wear a spelunker’s helmet when I go down.
      I may not have a warrant, but I’m searching the premises! ;-)

      May 13, 2009 at 4:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   elli

    Had the same problem at another office I worked at. It’s because ladies drink out of water bottles and get lipstick on the mouth of the bottle, and then stick the mouth of the bottle onto the spigot to refill it. Thanks for spreading your germs to all the rest of us! You’re the best!

    May 13, 2009 at 9:28 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   The Riel One

      Ahhh. Nice. That sounds like it is explanation.

      May 13, 2009 at 9:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Wade bang

      Possession of mutated strain of H1N1 flu virus ✔

      Access to manufacturing process for CoverGirl Continuous Color Lipstick, Pink Chic 445 ✔

      Controlling interest in Evian, Aquafina and Deer Park ✔

      I love it when an evil plan comes together.

      May 13, 2009 at 9:46 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Mishee™ bang

      So wade, you are saying that anglophile wears pink lipstick?

      Huh.

      May 13, 2009 at 9:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   RoxyBlue

      What are they doing? Applying their lipstick with a spatula?

      This thread just made me clean the office water cooler. Happy to report no pink lipstick. whew….

      May 13, 2009 at 10:36 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   unholyghost2003 bang

      Ummm YEAH. If you get the lipstick thick enough you can give the impression of fuller lips without the expensive collagen injections.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:41 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   unholyghost2003 bang

      Roxy,
      all that means is that the person nuzzling your water cooler spout doesn’t wear lipstick.

      May 13, 2009 at 2:04 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   KatieMB

      This is why I drink Diet Coke.

      And no, I don’t share.

      May 13, 2009 at 2:20 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.8   Canthz_B bang

      Wait, full lips are good now?
      You people have got to make up your minds!! :mrgreen:

      May 13, 2009 at 4:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Mishee™ bang

    Who in the hell wears pink lipstick anymore anyways?

    When did we jump back to 1984? Did I miss it? Was I sleeping?

    May 13, 2009 at 9:33 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   amy d bang

      Pink lipstick goes perfectly with blue eye shadow, which never goes out of style.

      May 13, 2009 at 9:36 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Mishee™ bang

      Now that you mention that amy, I think I know who the water cooler bandit is…

      Mimi from Drew Carey Show.

      *shudder*

      May 13, 2009 at 9:38 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   CS harmonikah

      Also, how much is it caked on that anything in a 5 foot radius is getting stained by her face paint?

      It’s like sharing an office with Krusty the Clown.

      May 13, 2009 at 9:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   DearJane

      Why, just the other day we had to call the fire department to rescue our secretary who’s sky high bangs had gotten caught in the ceiling fan. They came just in time, one of her leg warmers had succumbed to the velocity of being whipped in a circle and whanged itself at the accountant, wrapping itself anaconda style around his neck.

      May 13, 2009 at 9:41 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   Mishee™ bang

      Hey, I wouldn’t mind sharing an office with Krusty.

      He has good cigars and better booze and he’s funny (sad funny) to boot.

      Jane – I have to know… did her slouch socks survive??

      May 13, 2009 at 9:41 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.6   CS harmonikah

      I dont know, i imagine the smell of Krusty’s clown paint mixing with the liquor oozing from his pores make an awkward smell.

      Trust me. Instead of Casual Fridays, we have “Binge-drink Halloween Fridays” at my office.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.7   Grimfool_Reluctant

      May I please fill out an application? References available upon request at Moe’s.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:11 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.8   Grimfool_Reluctant

      Oh, and I can only work on Fridays.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:12 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.9   Goldie

      I’d jump back to 1984 anytime, even if it means wearing pink lipstick and blue eye shadow. Think about it – I slept til 9 every morning, I went dancing every weekend, dated a different guy every month, and didn’t have teenage kids. It just doesn’t get any better than that.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:14 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.10   Mishee™ bang

      I was 4.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.11   unholyghost2003 bang

      Bah! 1984 … I was known to occasionally crap my pants, I was extremely chubby, and I drooled. No thanks, I’ll stay right here in 2009.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.12   Goldie

      UHG, wow, respect! I could never drink that much, even though I tried repeatedly throughout the 80s.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:21 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.13   Mishee™ bang

      Ghostie, I wouldn’t mind going back to 1999.

      But then again, don’t we all want to party like its 1999?

      May 13, 2009 at 10:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.14   Wade bang

      I was dreaming when I wrote this…

      May 13, 2009 at 10:38 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.15   CS harmonikah

      My office is my mothers basement.
      It pretty much consists of playing Duck Hunt on a Nintendo, in my underwear, collecting checks for “slipping on a wet floor” at K-Mart.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.16   much to my chagrin bang

      This couldn’t be 1984 because Big Brother would know if you were the one leaving pink lipstick on the water fountain.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:56 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.17   Grimfool_Reluctant

      11.15: May I please fill out an application? References available at Dewey Cheatum and Howe.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.18   Woman on the Verge bang

      1984? *throws up a little at the thought of being surrounded by mullets*

      May 13, 2009 at 11:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.19   claw71 bang

      When I feel nostalgic for the 80s I usually have my neighbor’s daughter feather her hair and wear leg warmers.

      May 13, 2009 at 11:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.20   Girl Friday

      I too would like to go back to 1984.

      I was in Mrs. Thompson’s Fourth Grade class, I slept til 9 every morning, I went dancing every weekend, dated a different guy every month, and didn’t have teenage kids.

      May 13, 2009 at 1:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.21   Tastelessandless

      re: 11.19 – Claw, I prefer to read that as saying that you (1) usually have your neighbor’s daughter, (2) feather her hair, and (3) wear leg warmers.

      Unless you usually halve your neighbor’s daughter, which seems less amusing — even if you’re wearing leg warmers.

      May 13, 2009 at 3:26 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.22   Brooser

      I can’t really say I share the 1984 sentiment. Something about Big Brother is just a little off-putting.

      But no, I’d totally go back to 1984. Oh wait, I didn’t exist then.

      =\

      May 13, 2009 at 3:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.23   Canthz_B bang

      I’ll take my 1984 job, with my 2009 pay. I had my last minimum wage ($3 and change/hr) , no real responsibility job back then.

      And, cigarettes were like a buck a pack!

      May 13, 2009 at 4:34 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.24   Joe bang

      1984? I thought we had to get back to 1985!

      (Jumping jigga-watts!)

      May 14, 2009 at 8:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.25   KatieMB

      Great Scott!

      May 14, 2009 at 6:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Bernd das Brot bang

    Would red or purple be OK?

    May 13, 2009 at 9:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Diane

      Josh works at the head offices for Hot Topic, in which case the only acceptable colors are black and dark red.

      May 13, 2009 at 2:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      Dang it Diane! Your Hot Topic reference is way more accessible than my Poppy Z Brite reference. (Though yours doesn’t do the gender confusion double duty)

      May 13, 2009 at 2:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Diane

      Sorry, Ghost. I assumed Poppy Z Brite was a color of lipstick. Google has educated me on just how wrong I am. I really didn’t mean to steal your thunder.

      May 13, 2009 at 3:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      No need to say you are sorry for making the same joke in a funnier/better way. :D

      I am kicking myself for not thinking of Hot Topic and about an hour after I made the joke I thought “oooh. Maybe PZB is too obscure a reference”

      May 13, 2009 at 3:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Mishee™ bang

      Where I live some of the more common colors are in the brown area…

      but that’s what happens when you are surrounded by spics…

      Remember Friends! Keep Sharpies Away From Mexicans!!

      May 13, 2009 at 3:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   DearJane

      Unholy, I don’t think your reference was so obscure…. I still have a literary crush on Christian from Lost Souls…

      May 13, 2009 at 3:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   unholyghost2003 bang

      hee hee Thanks DearJane

      May 13, 2009 at 4:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   agatha christie

      Oooh, Mishee, I remember seeing those Latina girls on Jerry Springer a decade ago and thinking they were batshit crazy. Their pale pink lipstick with brown lip liner only serves to complete the package.

      May 13, 2009 at 7:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   KatieMB

      I never got that lip liner thing down. Guess I shoulda watched more Jerry Springer!

      May 13, 2009 at 7:52 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   MeToo

    *cowers in the corner and wipes lips shamefully*

    May 13, 2009 at 9:55 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Grimfool_Reluctant

    “You know who you are.”

    Really? Does anyone truly know who they are? The human race has spent several centuries in a quest for the exploration of self, all to no avail, and in today’s troubled and techno-tuned age, the goal of self-discovery seems ever and ever father away. Do we, collectively, know who we are? Do I, individually, know who I am?

    That’s a question I ask myself as I apply pink lipstick to my anus and then wash it off using the office water cooler. I think I’m beginning to find myself, but I’m still a long way from knowing who I am.

    May 13, 2009 at 10:03 am   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   MeToo

      I know there’s a “felching” joke in there somewhere….

      May 13, 2009 at 10:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Goldie

      GF_R, I commend you on your self-search and hope your troubled soul finds the answers it craves. As a quick solution, I recommend asking your coworkers who they think you are. From what you tell us about the watercooler, I’m sure they will have a comment or two that will contribute nicely to your knowledge of self.

      May 13, 2009 at 10:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Mishee™ bang

      Ahhh, I love the word “feltch”. My brother told me once when I was 15 that it was the worst thing you could call a man… the male version of the C word, if you will…

      I only use it on special occasions… like Christmas, and Arbor Day…

      May 13, 2009 at 10:51 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Bunnee

      Funny, I always thought it meant something about stealing…

      *frantically Googles “feltch”*

      Oh. Wow. :shock: I guess TOS was telling the truth. Nevermind.

      May 13, 2009 at 11:09 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   Woman on the Verge bang

      Um… that’s filch, Bunnee…

      May 13, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   Mishee™ bang

      Yes Bunnee, WotV is right…

      …And remember, Fletch is just a guy who writes a column under the name Jane Doe…

      Now just don’t get those three mixed up…

      May 13, 2009 at 2:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   Bunnee

      So, the correct usage would be something like this: “I filched a fulcrum from that dirty felcher, Fletch.” ;)

      May 13, 2009 at 2:10 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.8   Mishee™ bang

      By jove, she’s got it!

      May 13, 2009 at 2:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.9   Diane

      GFR, at least you wouldn’t have to apply directly before telling someone to kiss your ass. You must have been a Boy Scout- always prepared!

      May 13, 2009 at 2:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.10   KatieMB

      Grim – your post is insightful and thought provoking, demonstrating your ability to look at yourself and your life deeper than the average person…

      but I have just one thing to say to you:

      I may not know who I am, but I know who you are.

      And where you live.

      May 13, 2009 at 7:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.11   T to the O

      You will get pink eye from that.

      May 13, 2009 at 8:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   DearJane

    At least they’re pink stains and not brown stains. Nothing ruins your thirst like someone using the water cooler for a mid-morning enema…

    May 13, 2009 at 10:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   dsnacks

    The lipstick was…well let’s just say – “pink” ;)

    May 13, 2009 at 11:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   rosmerta

    In related news, check out this office fridge that was definitely in need of a PAN.

    May 13, 2009 at 11:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      I was going to tease you for spamming but HOLY BIOHAZARD BATMAN!
      I love how it was just the SMELL that was making people sick (if it had been down to a dangerous mix of chemicals the person cleaning it would have been sick too despite her stuffy nose)

      May 13, 2009 at 11:35 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Diane

      OMG, so glad that we have a regular fridge-cleaning rotation that is actually used….

      May 13, 2009 at 2:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Brooser

      I think it’s funny how the person cleaning it was one of the only people who was completely unaffected. Something tells me she had been planning this all along… like someone with a gas mask who pumps a place full of tear gas.

      May 13, 2009 at 4:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   claw71 bang

    I hate to correct you but that’s not lipstick. Give it a taste. Go on, just a little lick. See what I mean? Yeah, it is cinnamon. Doc Johnson’s Hot Spicy Cinnamon Anal Lube, to be precise. Well they call it Joy Jelly these days, but I bought a big case of the stuff from a warehouse in Canada a few years ago. Why is it on the spigot? Well, you try wrapping your anus around that spout without a little lube.

    May 13, 2009 at 11:40 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   claw71 bang

    Ladies and gentlemen: Ice T!

    Yo ez, let’s do this.

    I am a csr talkin’
    water cooler stalkin’
    cross-dressing homo
    with your boyfriend gawkin’
    livin’ life for the weekend
    thong panties I choose
    hanging out with republicans because they buy booze

    my balls are blue cuz the blood
    is cut by the bender
    and the way it’s rubbin’
    makes my taint feel tender

    A girl in Boston, who’s really a guy
    Just say “Hi”

    Color

    You don’t know me, fool
    Post a note for me, cool
    I don’t need all your bitchin
    note writing quippin
    when I get thirsty I just stick my lips in
    My shade is violet, but violet on white
    looks kind if pink if you squint just right
    It’s my color, it’s on me, it’s my color ya’ll
    when I’m wearing my color my lips are their all
    So get mad when I’m thirsty, because I don’t use a cup
    but I don’t like to do dishes because my nails are buffed
    My herpes ain’t back
    the meds are on track
    don’t throw a big fit because a fit is whack
    Why does it have to be, such mass insanity
    then some punk leaves a note cause he’s mad it me?
    give me a break, it’s just a little lip gloss
    grab a paper towel and wipe the smear off.

    color.

    May 13, 2009 at 12:00 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   CecilyPigeon bang

      Nobody blot, nobody get hurt.

      May 13, 2009 at 12:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   MeToo

      Wow, is that an Eazy-E reference??

      May 13, 2009 at 12:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   CecilyPigeon bang

      Fa sheezy.

      May 13, 2009 at 1:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   ryanmalloy

    There is a second meaning to the note:

    “Please refrain from removing our “pink” lipstick from the water cooler. I can’t believe you did that. It took us ages to apply it.”

    May 13, 2009 at 12:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Christine

    Well at least apparently every body else “knows who you are!”
    Unless of course the whole office is full of pink-lipped faucet-suckers.

    May 13, 2009 at 12:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   CS harmonikah

      And which office isn’t.

      May 13, 2009 at 12:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Mishee™ bang

      This isn’t Cheers ya know.

      Not everybody knows your name…

      May 13, 2009 at 1:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   Bunnee

      “Pink-lipped faucet suckers” sounds like a species of exotic bird.

      *in a low, whispery, British accent
      “Here we see the pink-lipped faucet sucker feeding her young. She ever so slowly trains them, as they grow, to suck on faucets for their sustenance. Hence, their nests are always next to outdoor spigots.”

      May 13, 2009 at 4:12 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   MeToo

      I like it for an insult. Kinda like “yellow-bellied cowards” but for office floozies.

      May 13, 2009 at 4:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   nick

    Did anybody mention that calcium deposits look pink? Maybe it’s not lipstick…

    May 13, 2009 at 12:37 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   anglophile bang

      You beat me to it, nick. I have encountered the pink mineral build-up from time to time. And when I was a housekeeper in high school, I had to constantly assure my boss I was NOT using toilet bowl cleaner to clean the brass sinks in the wet bar. :roll:

      May 13, 2009 at 2:01 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Canthz_B bang

      9834 :-)

      I plussed you, nick

      May 13, 2009 at 4:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   nick

      Thank you very much!

      May 13, 2009 at 10:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Diane

    Considerate office workers leave the lipstick for the next user.

    May 13, 2009 at 2:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   secondsout bang

    This was almost the same PAN as a one from quite a long time ago, placed by the Office of Water Remember.

    I’m still proud of my “Rime of the Ancient Mariner” spoof.

    May 13, 2009 at 2:55 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      WOW good memory S’out!

      May 13, 2009 at 3:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Mishee™ bang

      I remembered the post.

      Just did’t have the time or inclination to look it up.

      So nyah!

      :D

      May 13, 2009 at 3:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   secondsout bang

      I remember spending a bit of time on that “Rime” spoof, and by the time I posted it, the PANGoddess had already posted a new note, so nobody read it. Woe is me.

      May 13, 2009 at 3:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      I say REPOST … most of it still makes sense for this note just change the “Office of Water Remember” line.

      May 13, 2009 at 3:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   Canthz_B bang

      I agree! Re-post that work of art!!!

      BRILLIANT!!!!!

      May 13, 2009 at 4:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.6   anglophile bang

      I went back and plussed it, 2nds. Poetry is always appreciated. :D

      May 13, 2009 at 5:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   aaa

    The whole “You know who you are!” thing always reminds me of that episode of King of the Hill where Peggy has to sub for sex ed. “You don’t know who I am, but I know where you live!”

    May 13, 2009 at 6:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   KatieMB

      I just said that to Grim…dang it, I’m unoriginal…again!

      May 13, 2009 at 8:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   ere

    josh’s office has a different, but equally gross, problem.

    That substance is more likely to be mold than pink lipstick.

    Think of the type that you may have seen it lurking in mildew-y bathrooms.

    May 13, 2009 at 9:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   TheOldSchool

    It’s all too obvious what has happened.

    The office has been infested with tiny parasites called phorid flies.

    They’ve attacked the workers, biting them in such a way that their phorid larva gets slipped surreptiously into the workers’ heads.

    When the larva begins to hatch inside their skulls, the workers’ lips turn bright pink, and they get thirsty. After a few days, the larva begins eating their brains, eventually turning them into walking zombies.

    In a month or so, their heads will fall off.

    It’s sad, but that’s capitalism! (I’m surprised no one has mentioned this.)

    May 13, 2009 at 9:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   park rose

      Eventually, the larvae completely devour the ant’s brain, causing it to do nothing but wander aimlessly for approximately two weeks.[2] After about two[3] to four[2] weeks, they cause the ant’s head to fall off by releasing an enzyme that dissolves the membrane attaching the ant’s head to its body. The fly pupates in the detached head capsule, requiring a further two weeks before emerging.

      The things you learn! ‘Flying’ in the face of conventional wisdom, PAN’s turning out to be most educational of forums. One day felching, the next day phorid flies. One day sucking bodily fluids through a straw, the next day through a spigot. Maybe raiseyourglass was actually referring to this post. I’m glad I haven’t seen the things you’ve seen, TOS.

      However, I hear the Japanese and Haitian capitalists are doing something similar, only they’re using fugu (blowfish, puffer fish, call it what you will). The process is nowhere near as gruesome nor spectacular, in that the workers’ heads remain attached to their shoulders, but the unsanitary pink salivary build-up that the drooling (or should I say pooling?) zombies coat the drinking foundation with remains the same.

      May 14, 2009 at 3:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   park rose bang

      News of a phorid love affair, started at the water cooler, will always spread like a virus, set the office gossips’ tongues a-wagging, and go to their heads.

      It’s nearly always guaranteed to end in a gooey tepid mess.

      May 17, 2009 at 4:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Pademelon

    Ok, I couldn’t figure out how you would end up with a water cooler nozzle covered with lipstick (though I still am enjoying the image of office workers lining up at the water cooler to crouch down and drink like hamsters) so I was going back and forth between guessing is was a water fountain or a sink tap. The spout meaning either would be gross enough.

    The explanation that it IS a water cooler and that women are putting enough lipstick on to facilitate bottle to cooler transference is absolutely revolting. If it was my office, I would be all over employees for that. I’m not normally a germaphobe or a hand sanitizer fanatic but you people who attempt to fill your water bottles without touching the nozzle are braver than I. I’d be using alcohol wipes to wipe down the nozzle and then I’d try to match the color(s) (if they are wearing that much, it shouldn’t be hard) and would leave the used wipes on the offenders desks. I wouldn’t care if I guessed wrong, I’d tell them if they don’t like it then they can do their part in calling the offenders on it.

    I love my lip gloss and my chapstick but there is no excuse for that sort of disrespectful behavior. It’s hard enough to maintain moral working in an office without having to worry about transferring lipstick from multiple women with obviously low hygenic standards every time you want some water! Anyone who would leave lipstick on an office water cooler repeatedly clearly has a substandard level of care for themselves, since the sight of other women’s lipstick on the spout doesn’t stop them from jamming their own bottle up there, or others. Blech.

    May 13, 2009 at 10:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   raiseyourglass

    NEWS FLASH:
    Thats not pink lipstick, it’s MOLD! Your dead on #26. Now wouldn’t you rather it be lipstick?

    May 13, 2009 at 11:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   park rose

      ere ere? how’s it feel to be a corpse? (wonders if this comment will be relevant after the twenty minute edit window has closed).

      There’s no point in asking him. He’s lost to us already.

      May 14, 2009 at 12:09 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   mamason bang

    ♪ The administrative assistant went to the water spout,

    “Pink” was the shade to make a pretty pout.

    Out came the lipstick and made a messy stain.

    And the administrative assistant was sure to do it again. ♫

    May 14, 2009 at 1:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   TheOldSchool

      If she keeps it up, she’ll be an executive assistant lickety-split.

      May 14, 2009 at 1:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   park rose

      There will be no need to chop off her head if the phorid flies do their job. Such flagrant use of the office’s paper cutter (commonly called the guillotine in Australia) can not, and should not, be economically rationalised.

      As for any other reading of the above comment, I’ll leave it to the nursery rhyme analysts and the cunning linguists (oh, an old joke, but just like a parasite creeping into your brain [yes, yes, there's life in the dead gay horse yet] I only riff on other people’s posts).

      May 14, 2009 at 3:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   park rose

      *Not that there’s anything wrong with that.*
      If you don’t believe me, just ask Divine Brown.

      May 14, 2009 at 3:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   froudedude

    Ha This is great because it is more than likely NOT lipstick but pink slime mold

    May 15, 2009 at 8:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Newsbunny

    Kids, kids, kids. In Massachusetts, it is not a water COOLER.

    It is a BUBBLER. Properly pronounced — BUBBLA.

    Yours most sincerely,

    A Red Sox fan living in NYC.

    May 17, 2009 at 8:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   cim

    I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what this means…

    May 17, 2009 at 4:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   paying through the spout

    [...] related: so…the water cooler’s hosting rainbow parties again? [...]

    May 26, 2009 at 9:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Lauren

    That pink is actually probably a type of mildew/mold that develops pretty commonly on water spouts. How any dickant could think it was lipstick is beyond me.

    Jun 5, 2009 at 4:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   mys

    it’s not lipstick

    it is a common bacteria that forms around sinks, spouts, and other places that have water and hand contact often.

    http://edenprairieweblogs.org/scottneal/post/1338/

    imagine how many people get blamed for this, simply for wearing lipstick.

    Jun 9, 2009 at 6:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Missing Lunch

    Now THAT’s an oral fixation.

    Jun 29, 2009 at 10:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Pomp and Circumvent | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] needs a water cooler? Nothing fosters “community” like shared networked printers! Need [...]

    Mar 25, 2010 at 10:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   Hard times with hard water | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] So those yellow stains in the tub? Yeah, not urine. Just evidence of a bathtub in need of some serious scrubbing. (And those pink stains on the water cooler? Probably not lipstick.) [...]

    Aug 8, 2010 at 7:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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