I don’t remember signing any bond/contract regarding your use of exclamation points!!!!!

May 26th, 2009 · 118 comments

Writes Toni in Wales: “I found these fightin’ words taped to one housemate’s cupboard. We’ve had some things go missing in the house, so I sympathise with their frustration. But the funniest part of this note, I think, is that this housemate had previously called a house meeting to complain about the other housemates’ infrequent and only slightly passive-aggressive notes. She considered them to be lowering the tone of the household, and demanded that any issues be raised in person (fair enough) — but then posted this doozy with no warning. The 30 exclamation points are a nice touch, though.”

exclamation points? i'll give you exclamation points.

related: What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · roommates · stealing · Wales


118 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Spike Nesmith

    I wish someone would take her “!” key. Jeese.

    May 26, 2009 at 10:04 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   ClearlyDemented

      Obviously, she has no other form of punctuation and puts an exclamation at the end to substitute for any missing commas, etc.

      May 26, 2009 at 10:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   you suck at craigslist

    Maybe the eleventy million exclamation marks were her way of raising the tone of the house? Like, to a shout?

    May 26, 2009 at 10:11 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   TheOldSchool

      What can brown do for you now?????????????????????????????????????

      May 27, 2009 at 3:26 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Lorelie

    I love the trailing God Forbid – which translates as “I am completely impotent and incapable of action but I will bluster and hope someone pays attention.” Oh wait, I forgot the exclamation points.

    May 26, 2009 at 10:13 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Beanster bang

      i don’t even know what that sentence means. (sentence? fragment? inquiry?)

      May 26, 2009 at 10:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   TheOldSchool

      I’m guessing that this lady is upset because her brown cup is missing.

      Oh no! I just had a sad thought. What if someone accidentally broke it. I pray that’s not the case.

      Please…. Please…. Please…. Let her get her brown cup back.

      May 27, 2009 at 3:17 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   KatieMB

      She seems to lose her train of thought, but then keeping track of how many exclamation points she’s using is very distracting.

      May 27, 2009 at 5:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Melissa

      I don’t think the brown mug is missing, I think she’s trying to end the note on a positive. She just forgot the comma. As in:

      May, I have my brown mug back!!!!!!!! Remember how we were both so upset and freaking out about it??????? We needn’t freak out anymore!!!!!!!!!!

      May 27, 2009 at 11:12 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   ClearlyDemented

    I think the way to make people not have access to your things is to make them, um, not accessible.

    May 26, 2009 at 10:15 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Canthz_B bang

      Gigglebrax fail!!!!!

      Nothing to see here folks!!!!!!!

      Move along in an orderly fashion!!!!!

      May 26, 2009 at 10:25 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   WillBraden bang

    this is, in many ways, the quintessential Passive-Aggressive Note.

    it starts of with an address which is really an accusation, then goes on to barely comprehensible sarcasm, segues into a vague threat (completely with endless exclamation marks), and then tops it all off at the end with a reveal of the mind-blowingly important object that started this whole thing off: a brown mug.

    all it’s missing is about 10 spelling errors, and this could be an example text for PANs everywhere.

    May 26, 2009 at 10:23 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   WillBraden bang

      starts “of”? ugh…

      May 26, 2009 at 11:23 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Lady J J

      I think you’ve hit on something. The ‘passive aggressive fill-in-the-blank note’ for when you are irked but don’t have time to properly vent. The rest of us can play MadLibs with it.

      May 27, 2009 at 8:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Brunogirl

      PAN Madlibs

      _________ ( )
      Proper noun

      It has come to my
      _____________ that you have
      noun
      _______
      verb
      ________( ) This is
      noun
      __________
      adverb
      ____________ and must stop
      adjective
      immediately or else I will
      ________( )
      verb
      You see( )
      __________ is just not
      verb
      ________ in
      adjective
      _________
      adjective
      ________ ( )
      noun
      Therefore( ) I will have no
      ________ but to
      noun
      ________ in retaliation( )
      verb
      Now( ) I’m a reasonable sort( ) so if you will just
      __________ the
      verb
      ___________, all will be
      noun
      forgiven( ) I’m sure you didn’t mean it( )

      Have a
      ___________
      adjective
      ____________( )
      noun

      ( ) = fill in random punctuation

      I apologize for the wonkiness, but the text editor would not let me line up two blanks on one line.

      May 27, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    Also, please return my bowl with the clown face on the bottom inside!!!!!!!

    I can’t eat my porridge without Brownie the Clownie!!!!!!!!!!

    May 26, 2009 at 10:26 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Lorelie

      When I was a kid, I had a mug with a kitten on the handle and a fish at the bottom inside. I miss that mug.

      Someone who’s fond of accessing my things must have taken it!!!!!!!!!!!

      May 27, 2009 at 10:11 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   ClearlyDemented

    Anyone else think it’s worth it for the submitter to go mug shopping in order to reply, ‘You may have your brown mug back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ at 3:00 a.m.?

    May 26, 2009 at 10:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Bunnee

      I think the submitter should go in the cabinet and take all the other mugs out of there and just leave the brown mug in there, all by its lonesome.

      May 27, 2009 at 9:20 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Beanster bang

    Trudy goes to her cupboard for a nice mug of tomato soup and cannot spot her mug nor her Campbells. Her heart sinks, but as she is daddy’s little angel and daddy is a guilt-ridden workaholic who loves nothing more than buying Trudy everything she wants before she knows she wants it, Trudy is unfamiliar with the feeling. Confused, Trudy mistakes her disappointment for near-prophetic rage. She marches to her room. She “expresses” herself the best way she knows how. Since she cannot upspeak in type, she replaces the girlish tendency with exclamation points. She remembers learning about “voice” in English class and decides that writing as she would speak is the most effective way to convey her raw emotions. “Print”, she clicks with all the force her manicured fingers can summon. Blinded by her hatred she does not read her opus, but affixes it to her cupboard with her gum and rushes to the nearest club to dance away her sorrows.

    May 26, 2009 at 10:31 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Strudel

      EPIC response.

      Although, I can be quite mean in the morning if my favorite cup is no where to be found.

      Don’t mess with me and my coffee in the morning.

      But then, it is usually in the sink dirty… do you think she looked down?

      May 30, 2009 at 11:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Snobahr

      Yeah, if I can’t find my mostly-untippable white mug with the red bird on it, I have to resort to my travel mug (which can tip over easily). I get irritated if my white mug is not easily found in the morning. Thankfully for everyone else in the house, the placement of my mug is entirely on my shoulders, so 99.995% of the time, it’s my own damned fault for it not being where it should be.

      Ours is a brown-mug-free household.

      May 30, 2009 at 11:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   R.M.

    God forbid she learn syntax.

    May 26, 2009 at 10:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Syntax is the price you pay for doing bad things.

      May 27, 2009 at 10:58 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Mark bang

      ?SYNTAX ERROR
      READY.

      May 27, 2009 at 11:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   krewe

    Since when is not remembering something considered a first *or* last warning?

    May 26, 2009 at 10:39 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    I think she went to the well once too often.

    May 26, 2009 at 10:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Dixie

      TOTAL agreement! I was really surprised that I read as far down the list as I did before seeing someone comment on the wells.

      Jun 3, 2009 at 3:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Funny, she doesn’t write as if she attended Brown University.
    I guess standards have fallen even at Ivy League schools!

    May 26, 2009 at 10:51 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   racerx2233

    Give her brown mug back with a brown bomb in it artistically shaped into an exclamation point!!!!!!!

    May 26, 2009 at 11:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   oi bang

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I don’t remember signing any bond/contract listen to anyone’s yelling.
    May I have my hearing back?
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    May 26, 2009 at 11:22 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Resident Grammarian esq bang

    She must have been really angry!!!!!!!!!
    She went all Yoda at the end of that note!!!!!!!
    I hope the “things” she is jibbering about are not just that brown mug!!!!!!!!

    May 26, 2009 at 11:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   oi bang

    bvahhahah! oh wrong thread

    May 26, 2009 at 11:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Craniac

    Well, when she started off with “to whoever,” you could tell this message was going to be substandard in every way. I mean, anyone who doesn’t know it should start “to whomever”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    May 26, 2009 at 11:51 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   BrookeDiz bang

    “May I have my brown mug back!!!!!!!!!”

    Sounds like a racial attack incident to me.

    May 26, 2009 at 11:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Canthz_B bang

      Or, someone is very dissatisfied with his plastic surgeon.

      Mr. Jackson, care to respond?

      *i can’t wait to hear what he says folks! we have the makings of a real thriller on our hands!*

      May 27, 2009 at 2:16 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   casual observer

      Ouch! Michael Richards? Meet Chris Rock!!

      May 27, 2009 at 2:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   claw71 bang

      No. Racist would be:

      Has anybody seen the beaner mug my kike ex-boss gave me for my 10 year anniversary? I’m pretty sure some spook made off with it. He probably sold to some mick who will use it for getting hammered.

      I guess it’s OK, because it was made by chinks anyway. And the handle was cracked, probably because the wop stock boy cracked it.

      White power!

      May 27, 2009 at 12:43 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Peta

    What I love about this is imagining it being said in a Welsh accent – gold.

    Also, there’s no telling people off for passive aggressive notes in sharehouses – it’s inevitable

    May 27, 2009 at 1:09 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Bernd das Brot bang

    Trust me, you really don’t want that brown mug back.

    May 27, 2009 at 2:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Mark bang

      one girl one mug

      (dammit, Mishee at 25 got there before me)

      May 27, 2009 at 10:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   susan

    this may be one of the best notes I have ever read in my entire life.

    May 27, 2009 at 2:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Bernd das Brot bang

      this may be one of the best comments I have ever read in my entire life.

      May 27, 2009 at 2:11 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Canthz_B bang

      This may be one of the best masturbation sessions I’ve ever h—was that the send button?! :oops:

      May 27, 2009 at 2:41 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   TheOldSchool

      This may be one of the brownest missing cups I have ever read about.

      May 27, 2009 at 3:24 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   WillBraden bang

      the comment I’m currently writing is the “brown mug” of PAN comments…

      and I want it back, motherfuckers!

      May 27, 2009 at 3:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   KatieMB

    *Well* I doubt she’s got an exclamation point to spare.

    May 27, 2009 at 5:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Beanster bang

      well do you have a question mark!

      May 27, 2009 at 10:25 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Diane

      I love you (period)
      Do you love me (question mark)
      Please please (Exclamation point)
      I wanna hold you (in parentheses)

      This song always pops into my head when I read notes like this.

      May 28, 2009 at 9:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   thrall38

    I think the only missing feature is clip art of a brown mug.

    May 27, 2009 at 7:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Where is the smiley face and the little pink penis?

      May 27, 2009 at 11:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   matt

    The last line should really have question marks.

    Just sayin’.

    May 27, 2009 at 7:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Mishee™ bang

    What nobody realizes is that the mug wasn’t actually brown.

    Its the cup she used to film a video with her best friend.

    Its just brown now.

    May 27, 2009 at 8:17 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   vgen

      Looks like a prequel, 1girlBrownMug.

      May 27, 2009 at 9:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   mamason bang

      How do you film a video with a cup? :-?

      May 27, 2009 at 11:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   Mishee™ bang

      mama, the cup didn’t actually film it.

      It was a costar.

      May 27, 2009 at 11:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   MagPie bang

      Thanks for explaining that. I’m sitting here with my thumb up my butt thinking that the cup was like one of those nanny cam things.

      May 27, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   Mishee™ bang

      *makes sure magpie has an actual thumb up her butt*

      May 27, 2009 at 1:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.6   MagPie bang

      *wishing it was Mishee™ ‘s thumb up her butt*

      May 27, 2009 at 1:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.7   Snippy

      ♫ Ooooh, wishing you were here

      May 27, 2009 at 1:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Joe bang

    Doesn’t the author want attention from the thief? If we give attention to the thief, we’re only giving her what she wants, and encouraging her to continue. That’s what my mama always said.

    May 27, 2009 at 8:25 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Woman on the Verge

    WELL I AM FOND OF YOUR THINGS, FOND OF YOUR BROWN MUB AND ESPECIALLY FOND OF TROUBLE – BUT NOT NEARLY AS FOND AS YOU ARE OF YOUR EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    May 27, 2009 at 8:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   GhostWriter bang

    Those lead-in “WEEEELLLL…“s remind me of “Heartbreak Hotel”

    Weeellll, I don’t remember,
    signin’ any bond,
    or con-truh-act with anyone,
    to have access to my things…

    well it’sa my first and last,
    well it’sa my first and last,
    my first and last warning,
    God Forbid!!!!!!!!!

    May 27, 2009 at 9:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Eric

      *takes 2 highlighters and pounds out 3 triples and a quarter*

      … in an annoyingly disruptive to concentration kind of way

      May 27, 2009 at 4:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Lady J J

    “THIS IS MY FIRST AND LAST WARNING!!!!”

    Who is she warning, her roommates or herself?

    What is that adage…for each finger you point there are 3 pointing back at you.

    May 27, 2009 at 9:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   andipandi

      poof, you’re a goon!

      May 27, 2009 at 9:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   claw71 bang

    There was something we used to say when we were kids. What was it again? Something like OOOOH!

    May 27, 2009 at 9:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   claw71 bang

    What if the person isn’t fond of taking her things? What if the person taking her things actually signed a bond or contract, if you will, that requires them to periodically swipe this roommate’s things and deliver them, lets say for example, to the landlord in exchange for his continued oblivion to the fact that the tenants of this flat did not pay the full deposit when they signed the lease? What if GOD, doesn’t forbid it at all? What if GOD is comanding this person to take her things? GOD asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. GOD put Job through the wringer just to prove a point. Maybe this another test. But you didn’t consider that possibility.

    Just because you haven’t signed a contract authorizing the removal of your things doesn’t mean that somebody else is not obligated to do it. Show a little fucking respect and get the whole story before you get all high and mighty.

    May 27, 2009 at 9:25 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Eric

      Those people lived in such a simpler time. These days if you said the burning bush atop the mysterious mountain told you the rules of humanity you’ll be thrown in the nuthouse. Back then you got to be a ruling, enlightened by “god” individual.

      *sigh* if only

      … at least my “god” taught me how to type through a straight jacket when he said the aliens would spare me when they destroy the solar system. Oh, and they just beamed up a brown mug for my collection!!!!!!!!!

      AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      May 27, 2009 at 4:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Mark bang

      Eric, your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

      May 27, 2009 at 5:05 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   emily

      God told my husband’s ex-wife to divorce him. No kidding.

      May 28, 2009 at 5:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      Woah. God is a cock blocker? Who knew?
      Meh Worked out pretty well for you emily.

      May 28, 2009 at 5:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Evil Homer

    You know, I don’t recall ever experiencing such strong feelings about a piece of crockery. I feel somewhat bereft.

    Although if loving a mug that much induces such abuse of exclamation marks then perhaps I should be careful what I wish for.

    May 27, 2009 at 9:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Kristin

    Well, obviously her caps lock key is stuck, too. Or should I have said “WELL OBVIOUSLY HER CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK TOO!!!!!!!!” :)

    May 27, 2009 at 10:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   mamason bang

    God forbid this woman ever have children if this is her best effort at scolding. Her eggs are already laughing at her.

    May 27, 2009 at 11:30 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   mamason bang

    Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
    Little brown mug, don’t I love thee!
    Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
    Little brown mug, don’t I love thee!

    May 27, 2009 at 11:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   park rose

    Mug slingers at the O.K. Corral, a.k.a. High Dudgeon at the O.K. Corral

    Will Kane vs Frank Miller: “If you are fond of trouble, you just continue, and God forbid. May the best punctuation mark win.”

    May 27, 2009 at 12:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   aaa

    NO YOU MAY NOT HAVE YOUR BROWN MUG BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S NOT A QUESTION UNLESS YOU USE A QUESTION MARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR THIRTY, IN YOUR CASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    May 27, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   claw71 bang

    BILLY MAYS HERE!!!!

    ARE YOU TIRED OF ROOMMATES TAKING YOUR THINGS!!!!

    ARE YOU TOO BUSY TO TALK TO THEM DIRECTLY!!!!!

    DO YOU WANT TO PUT IT ALL IN A NOTE BUT COME TO FIND YOU JUST DON’T HAVE THE PUNCTUATION!!!!!

    THE EXCLAMAPEN IS FOR YOU!!!!!

    JUST SHAKE IT OVER YOUR WEAK, EASY-TO-IGNORE NOTE AND EXCLAMATION MARKS APPEAR INSTANTLY!!!!

    MAKE THAT LETTER TO THE EDITOR REALLY POP!!!!

    TELL MOM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL!!!!

    DISCOURAGE SALESMEN WHO KNOCK!!!!!

    THE EXCLAMAPEN IS FOR REAL!!!

    YOU CAN EVEN SEND YOUR TAXES IN WITH IT!!!! DON’T LET THE IRS TAKE ANOTHER PENNY WITHOUT MAKING THEM FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT IT!!!!!

    THE EXCALAMAPEN CAN BE YOURS FOR ONLY 19.95!!!!!

    BUT!!!!

    IF YOU CALL NOW!!!!

    WE’LL THROW IN THE POCKET CAPS-IZER!!!!

    IF YOU’VE EVER WANTED TO YELL ON PAPER, THE CAPS-IZER IS FOR YOU!!!!!

    FEEL THE WRATH!!!! IT JUMPS OFF THE PAGE!!!!

    BUT WAIT!!!

    THERE’S MORE!!!!

    IF YOU CALL RIGHT NOW!!! WE’LL IN CLUDE TWO EXCLAMAPENS!!!!!

    AND THE INSTANT SPELL CHECKER!!!!!

    THAT’S TWO EXCLAMAPENS, A CAPS-IZER AND THE INSTANT SPELL CHECKER!!!!!

    ALL FOR JUST 19.95!!!1

    YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO TALK LIKE ME, BUT WITH THIS DEAL YOU SURE AS HELL CAN WRITE LIKE ME!!!!

    May 27, 2009 at 12:32 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   anglophile bang

      You’re gonna love my exclamation marks.

      May 27, 2009 at 12:40 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.2   park rose

      Mistress of the understatment. Beautiful, ‘glo. My exclamation marks are silent, too.

      May 27, 2009 at 12:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.3   claw71 bang

      Someday very soon Billy Mays and Vince Offer are going to square off in a cage match staged by Ron Popeil who will almost certainly set it and forget it.

      May 27, 2009 at 12:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.4   Mishee™ bang

      Don’t let Tony Little in the cage!

      Its just not fair if you let people on performance enhancing drugs and balls the size of raisins in the fight…

      May 27, 2009 at 1:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.5   Snippy

      I’ll bet that Vince keeps a stiff upper lip.

      May 27, 2009 at 1:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.6   claw71 bang

      If your hooker’s name is Hanna you might want to make sure her last name isn’t Lecter.

      May 27, 2009 at 5:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #38.7   amy d bang

      Hanna Ball Lecter

      May 27, 2009 at 5:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   chelsey

    PANs, I need help! How should I write a NON-PA note to a very heavy footed upstairs neighbor? Though it is a concrete building, and I’ve never heard noise from the 3 previous tenants, this neighbor rattles the window panes, tinkles the chandelier, and makes the lights flicker with his stompin’. If this is the wrong place to seek help, where do I go?

    May 27, 2009 at 2:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   anglophile bang

      Do you really think that if you write a note, your neighbor is suddenly going to change the way he walks, just because it is disturbing you, chelsey?

      I feel for you, but if you think you could possibly word a note in such a way that you would get actual results, then this is indeed the right place for you to get help. Just read some of these notes and see what people think about them. ;)

      May 27, 2009 at 2:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   amy d bang

      Also, I think many would argue that it is impossible to write a note that does not read as P/A to the receiver.

      May 27, 2009 at 2:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.3   claw71 bang

      I wouldn’t mind tinkling your chandelier, Chelsey, and I bet you wouldn’t mind either.

      May 27, 2009 at 2:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.4   aaa

      “To the fatass upstairs:

      You must be a fucking minotaur because the only thing that can make as much noise as you do has to weigh at least a ton and have hooves. I don’t appreciate your giant ass fucking with my lights and chandelier. Lose some weight and put on those little shoes that seeing eye horses wear. You ass.

      Love,
      chelsey”

      May 27, 2009 at 3:59 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.5   TheOldSchool

      Chelsey,

      If you’re going to be entertaining claw, you can protect your crystals by sheathing them in lubed, ribbed condoms, and adding frozen peas as buffers.

      (I’d like to thank the other thumb fairy for the assistance. Today was so easy!)

      May 27, 2009 at 4:05 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.6   claw71 bang

      Seriously, Chelsey, I think the one thing that we have learned on this site is that leaving a note should be your last course of action lest that note end up here where you would likely be lampooned by the more disrespectful commenteers.

      You might want to go upstairs with a six pack of respectable beer and introduce yourself. Then state your problem directly. You’d think that bribery wouldn’t be necessary but it goes a long way.

      If that doesn’t work, you might want to speak to the building manager or landlord. Let them know that this is unacceptable and you insist on some sort of resolution.

      Beyond that you have no choice but to get nasty. Wade might suggest kidnapping your neighbor’s kid sister, duct taping her to a steel chair in an abandoned warehouse and letting fire ants gnaw on her flesh, but that could push your neighbor over the edge. That plan could back fire, especially if he hates his kid sister. Perhaps she put the kibosh on their nude “wrestling” sessions and got him sent to “boarding” school.

      Nope, you have to keep your focus direct. Check and see if your neighbor has a key hidden on his door jamb. If you find it make a copy and slip into his apartment when he’s away. Wait in a closet for him to come home and, when the stomping begins, pop out and shoot him in the knee caps with a shotgun. Use buckshot, Chelsey, don’t fuck around with flesh wounds. Put a real hurt on this cocksucker.

      If you can’t break in figure out where he goes and wait for the right moment. Slash his Achilles tendons with a razor. Both of them. Severed completely. This might take the spring out of his step for a while.

      If all else fails, wait for your lease to expire, find a new place and move out. Then, with that extra copy of the key you never turned in, sneak back into the building in the wee hours of the morning. Disable the sprinkler system (the valve will be in the utility room in the basement, bypass the fire alarm and block the emergency exits. Then soak all of the key flashpoints with kerosene and set the building on fire. Burn them. Burn them all. But whatever you do, never resort to a passive-aggressive note, at least not until you’ve been locked away.

      May 27, 2009 at 4:56 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.7   KatieMB

      “…lest that note end up here where you would likely be lampooned by the more disrespectful commenteers.”

      Um, you mean all of us coz… that’s what we do in these parts.

      May 27, 2009 at 5:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.8   oi!

      pfft! whew! reading first paragraph I thought Claw is going all logical, rational and helpful on us. Can you imagine that? Let me tell ya, that shit would be nasty, do you hear? NASTY!!!!!!
      p. s. don’t mind exclamation points and yelling It’s just this note. this comment pertains to 39.6

      May 27, 2009 at 5:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.9   Bernd das Brot bang

      Chelsey, Billy Mays can help you (see #38).

      May 27, 2009 at 10:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.10   Chelsey

      Thanks for all of the responses — I’ve learned a lot today. I ended up writing a note anyway. The terrorists have won. Maybe the upstairs tenant will post the note here. Maybe I’ll write him another note asking him to post my note here!!!!!

      May 28, 2009 at 1:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   GhostWriter bang

    This is exactly the right place for you to go! You need help with a note, right? Well this place is infested with the very “help” you are seeking.

    What about this?

    THIS HAS NEVER BEFORE BEEN AN ISSUE…
    …but recently I’ve noticed that your colossal footsteps are reverberating the very fouindation of our building. If you hold neither regard nor concern for my chandelier and/or electrical connections, consider the real possibility of this whole building crashing to the ground via 9/11.
    SAFETY FIRST!!!!!!!

    May 27, 2009 at 3:59 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   KatieMB

      That’s right, don’t let the terrorists win!

      May 27, 2009 at 5:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Consultant Calamities

    NOT ENOUGH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!

    May 27, 2009 at 4:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   SuperMe

    There really are 30 exclamation points. I thought that was an exaggeration, so I counted them.

    Now I’m sad that I wasted moments of my life because I didn’t trust the submitter. *sigh*

    May 27, 2009 at 4:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   César

    I just realized writing with no caps is equally as annoying as writing in all caps.

    May 27, 2009 at 4:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   claw71 bang

      i don’t know about that. lowercase letters have an understated charm to them. I DON’T TEND TO ASSOCIATE CAPS WITH YELLING, but i do find caps much harder to read. i don’t like when people eschew punctuation when they exclusively use lowercase and i don’t groove on the use of symbols and textisms but lowercase is cool. i rather like the idea that uppercase letters might someday be rendered moot.

      May 27, 2009 at 5:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   oi!

    Do you guys know each set of exclamation point has hidden meaning in it? Let’s see what each set means:
    ….Taking my things!!!!: Even though I have such a bad taste, people steal my stuff? unbelievable!
    …last warning….: As if I am capable of carrying out a warning!!
    …god forbid!!!: I doubt that as I have not gone to church since last, I don’t know, century?
    ….cup back!!!: I can’t believe that they stole the dirtiest piece of all the crockery I have!!!

    May 27, 2009 at 6:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   Mishee™ bang

      I didn’t know you spoke barcode, oi! :)

      May 27, 2009 at 6:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.2   oi!

      I’d like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you’re not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You’re a plague and we are the cure.
      I am one of them. I bet you did not know that either!

      May 27, 2009 at 7:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.3   Bernd das Brot bang

      But I know Kung Fu.

      May 27, 2009 at 10:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   oi!

    “i don’t remember signing any bond/contract…..”
    What about an agreement/covenant?
    If you are gonna cover your basis with possible synonyms then at least you can be thorough.

    May 27, 2009 at 6:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   TheOldSchool

      Oi,

      She easily could have also been party to some sort of:

      alliance, arrangement, bargain, bond, commission, commitment, compact, concession, concordat, convention, conveyance, deal, deed, deposition, document, endowment, engagement, entente, guarantee, franchise, grant, handshake, indenture, liability, license, mise, obligation, pact, paper, patent, permit, pledge, promise, proof, settlement, stipulation, transaction, treaty, or understanding.

      I’m just sayin’.

      May 27, 2009 at 8:12 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.2   .

      CAN I HELP YOU HELP YOURSELF!!!!!!!
      GOD FORBID IT AFTER THE BLUE MUG WAS PRIED FROM MY GRANDMOTHER’S DEAD HANDS
      OH AND MAY I HAVE THE BROWN MUG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

      May 27, 2009 at 9:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.3   park rose

      Oi, Nobody can do battle with T.o.S’ mighty and unwieldy thesaurus, not even Bunnee and her merry band of minions. . .

      …addicts, adherents, admirers, advocates, apostles, attendants, backers, believers, bootlickers, buffs, clients, cohorts, companions, converts, copycats, devotees, disciples, fans, fanciers, freaks*, habitués, hanger-onnerers*, helpers, imitators, lackies*, members, minions (redundant), parasites, participants, partisans, patrons, promoters, proselytes, protégés, pupils, representatives, satellites, secretaries, servants, sidekicks, stooges*, supporters, sycophants, toadies*, vassals, votaries, worshippers, zealots.

      Do you know how much time it took to pluralise all those nouns?

      May 28, 2009 at 5:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.4   oi!

      well I learned my lesson!
      Note to self: whenever urge for writing synonyms comes over simply rememeber there is big scary thesaurus hidden in TOS’s mind. ;)

      May 28, 2009 at 11:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #46   Cordelia bang

    I can just picture the MS Word paperclip popping up to help her type this out.

    “It looks like you’re writing a note! Would you like to:
    -Ignore basic grammar
    -Communicate one side of an imaginary conversation
    -OVEREMPHASIZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! everything you write
    -Start WWIII over a brown mug you bought 4 years ago for $2?
    -All of the above

    May 28, 2009 at 1:42 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   park rose

    I think the whole note should be read in the voice of the robot from “Lost in Space”, accompanied with frenzied robot gestures.

    “Warning, Will Robinson!!!! Warning ,Will Robinson!!!! First and last and final warning, Will Robinson!!!! Mayday, Mayday, Mayday!!!!”.

    The quick brown mug, of course, never to be pieced back together again, was knocked over by the flailing arms of the bubble headed booby.

    May 28, 2009 at 8:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Nom

    That mug was fucking delicious.

    May 31, 2009 at 10:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   tomrollock

    For extra giggles, read aloud in a Welsh accent.

    Jun 4, 2009 at 4:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Missing Lunch

    Have a sinking feeling of what the mystery thief might do in the ‘brown mug’ before giving it back.

    Jun 29, 2009 at 10:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   why can’t you act professional? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] related: i don’t recall signing any bond/contact regarding your use of exclamation points!!! [...]

    Dec 9, 2009 at 9:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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