Writes Toni in Wales: “I found these fightin’ words taped to one housemate’s cupboard. We’ve had some things go missing in the house, so I sympathise with their frustration. But the funniest part of this note, I think, is that this housemate had previously called a house meeting to complain about the other housemates’ infrequent and only slightly passive-aggressive notes. She considered them to be lowering the tone of the household, and demanded that any issues be raised in person (fair enough) — but then posted this doozy with no warning. The 30 exclamation points are a nice touch, though.”
related: What would Jesus do for a Klondike bar?
118 responses so far ↓
#1
Spike Nesmith
I wish someone would take her “!” key. Jeese.
May 26, 2009 at 10:04 pm rating: +16
#2
you suck at craigslist
Maybe the eleventy million exclamation marks were her way of raising the tone of the house? Like, to a shout?
May 26, 2009 at 10:11 pm rating: +16
#3
Lorelie
I love the trailing God Forbid – which translates as “I am completely impotent and incapable of action but I will bluster and hope someone pays attention.” Oh wait, I forgot the exclamation points.
May 26, 2009 at 10:13 pm rating: +12
#4
ClearlyDemented
I think the way to make people not have access to your things is to make them, um, not accessible.
May 26, 2009 at 10:15 pm rating: +23
#5
WillBraden
this is, in many ways, the quintessential Passive-Aggressive Note.
it starts of with an address which is really an accusation, then goes on to barely comprehensible sarcasm, segues into a vague threat (completely with endless exclamation marks), and then tops it all off at the end with a reveal of the mind-blowingly important object that started this whole thing off: a brown mug.
all it’s missing is about 10 spelling errors, and this could be an example text for PANs everywhere.
May 26, 2009 at 10:23 pm rating: +42
#6
Canthz_B
Also, please return my bowl with the clown face on the bottom inside!!!!!!!
I can’t eat my porridge without Brownie the Clownie!!!!!!!!!!
May 26, 2009 at 10:26 pm rating: +19
#7
ClearlyDemented
Anyone else think it’s worth it for the submitter to go mug shopping in order to reply, ‘You may have your brown mug back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ at 3:00 a.m.?
May 26, 2009 at 10:31 pm rating: +3
#8
Beanster
Trudy goes to her cupboard for a nice mug of tomato soup and cannot spot her mug nor her Campbells. Her heart sinks, but as she is daddy’s little angel and daddy is a guilt-ridden workaholic who loves nothing more than buying Trudy everything she wants before she knows she wants it, Trudy is unfamiliar with the feeling. Confused, Trudy mistakes her disappointment for near-prophetic rage. She marches to her room. She “expresses” herself the best way she knows how. Since she cannot upspeak in type, she replaces the girlish tendency with exclamation points. She remembers learning about “voice” in English class and decides that writing as she would speak is the most effective way to convey her raw emotions. “Print”, she clicks with all the force her manicured fingers can summon. Blinded by her hatred she does not read her opus, but affixes it to her cupboard with her gum and rushes to the nearest club to dance away her sorrows.
May 26, 2009 at 10:31 pm rating: +32
#9
R.M.
God forbid she learn syntax.
May 26, 2009 at 10:36 pm rating: +6
#10
krewe
Since when is not remembering something considered a first *or* last warning?
May 26, 2009 at 10:39 pm rating: +6
#11
Canthz_B
I think she went to the well once too often.
May 26, 2009 at 10:48 pm rating: +5
#12
Canthz_B
Funny, she doesn’t write as if she attended Brown University.
I guess standards have fallen even at Ivy League schools!
May 26, 2009 at 10:51 pm rating: +16
#13
racerx2233
Give her brown mug back with a brown bomb in it artistically shaped into an exclamation point!!!!!!!
May 26, 2009 at 11:17 pm rating: +2
#14
oi
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t remember signing any bond/contract listen to anyone’s yelling.
May I have my hearing back?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 26, 2009 at 11:22 pm rating: +11
#15
Resident Grammarian esq
She must have been really angry!!!!!!!!!
She went all Yoda at the end of that note!!!!!!!
I hope the “things” she is jibbering about are not just that brown mug!!!!!!!!
May 26, 2009 at 11:34 pm rating: +3
#16
oi
bvahhahah! oh wrong thread
May 26, 2009 at 11:49 pm rating: +2
#17
Craniac
Well, when she started off with “to whoever,” you could tell this message was going to be substandard in every way. I mean, anyone who doesn’t know it should start “to whomever”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 26, 2009 at 11:51 pm rating: +7
#18
BrookeDiz
“May I have my brown mug back!!!!!!!!!”
Sounds like a racial attack incident to me.
May 26, 2009 at 11:52 pm rating: +3
#19
Peta
What I love about this is imagining it being said in a Welsh accent – gold.
Also, there’s no telling people off for passive aggressive notes in sharehouses – it’s inevitable
May 27, 2009 at 1:09 am rating: +3
#20
Bernd das Brot
Trust me, you really don’t want that brown mug back.
May 27, 2009 at 2:03 am rating: +4
#21
susan
this may be one of the best notes I have ever read in my entire life.
May 27, 2009 at 2:05 am rating: +1
#22
KatieMB
*Well* I doubt she’s got an exclamation point to spare.
May 27, 2009 at 5:40 am rating: +1
#23
thrall38
I think the only missing feature is clip art of a brown mug.
May 27, 2009 at 7:40 am rating: +2
#24
matt
The last line should really have question marks.
Just sayin’.
May 27, 2009 at 7:50 am rating: +2
#25
Mishee™
What nobody realizes is that the mug wasn’t actually brown.
Its the cup she used to film a video with her best friend.
Its just brown now.
May 27, 2009 at 8:17 am rating: +10
#26
Joe
Doesn’t the author want attention from the thief? If we give attention to the thief, we’re only giving her what she wants, and encouraging her to continue. That’s what my mama always said.
May 27, 2009 at 8:25 am rating: +4
#27
Woman on the Verge
WELL I AM FOND OF YOUR THINGS, FOND OF YOUR BROWN MUB AND ESPECIALLY FOND OF TROUBLE – BUT NOT NEARLY AS FOND AS YOU ARE OF YOUR EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 27, 2009 at 8:25 am rating: +5
#28
GhostWriter
Those lead-in “WEEEELLLL…“s remind me of “Heartbreak Hotel”
Weeellll, I don’t remember,
signin’ any bond,
or con-truh-act with anyone,
to have access to my things…
well it’sa my first and last,
well it’sa my first and last,
my first and last warning,
God Forbid!!!!!!!!!
May 27, 2009 at 9:05 am rating: +3
#29
Lady J J
“THIS IS MY FIRST AND LAST WARNING!!!!”
Who is she warning, her roommates or herself?
What is that adage…for each finger you point there are 3 pointing back at you.
May 27, 2009 at 9:12 am rating: +3
#30
claw71
There was something we used to say when we were kids. What was it again? Something like OOOOH!
May 27, 2009 at 9:16 am rating: +2
#31
claw71
What if the person isn’t fond of taking her things? What if the person taking her things actually signed a bond or contract, if you will, that requires them to periodically swipe this roommate’s things and deliver them, lets say for example, to the landlord in exchange for his continued oblivion to the fact that the tenants of this flat did not pay the full deposit when they signed the lease? What if GOD, doesn’t forbid it at all? What if GOD is comanding this person to take her things? GOD asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. GOD put Job through the wringer just to prove a point. Maybe this another test. But you didn’t consider that possibility.
Just because you haven’t signed a contract authorizing the removal of your things doesn’t mean that somebody else is not obligated to do it. Show a little fucking respect and get the whole story before you get all high and mighty.
May 27, 2009 at 9:25 am rating: +15
#32
Evil Homer
You know, I don’t recall ever experiencing such strong feelings about a piece of crockery. I feel somewhat bereft.
Although if loving a mug that much induces such abuse of exclamation marks then perhaps I should be careful what I wish for.
May 27, 2009 at 9:37 am rating: +5
#33
Kristin
Well, obviously her caps lock key is stuck, too. Or should I have said “WELL OBVIOUSLY HER CAPS LOCK KEY IS STUCK TOO!!!!!!!!”
May 27, 2009 at 10:23 am rating: +2
#34
mamason
God forbid this woman ever have children if this is her best effort at scolding. Her eggs are already laughing at her.
May 27, 2009 at 11:30 am rating: +12
#35
mamason
♫ Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown mug, don’t I love thee!
Ha, ha, ha, you and me,
Little brown mug, don’t I love thee!
May 27, 2009 at 11:54 am rating: +3
#36
park rose
Mug slingers at the O.K. Corral, a.k.a. High Dudgeon at the O.K. Corral
Will Kane vs Frank Miller: “If you are fond of trouble, you just continue, and God forbid. May the best punctuation mark win.”
May 27, 2009 at 12:28 pm rating: +5
#37
aaa
NO YOU MAY NOT HAVE YOUR BROWN MUG BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S NOT A QUESTION UNLESS YOU USE A QUESTION MARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR THIRTY, IN YOUR CASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 27, 2009 at 12:29 pm rating: +4
#38
claw71
BILLY MAYS HERE!!!!
ARE YOU TIRED OF ROOMMATES TAKING YOUR THINGS!!!!
ARE YOU TOO BUSY TO TALK TO THEM DIRECTLY!!!!!
DO YOU WANT TO PUT IT ALL IN A NOTE BUT COME TO FIND YOU JUST DON’T HAVE THE PUNCTUATION!!!!!
THE EXCLAMAPEN IS FOR YOU!!!!!
JUST SHAKE IT OVER YOUR WEAK, EASY-TO-IGNORE NOTE AND EXCLAMATION MARKS APPEAR INSTANTLY!!!!
MAKE THAT LETTER TO THE EDITOR REALLY POP!!!!
TELL MOM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL!!!!
DISCOURAGE SALESMEN WHO KNOCK!!!!!
THE EXCLAMAPEN IS FOR REAL!!!
YOU CAN EVEN SEND YOUR TAXES IN WITH IT!!!! DON’T LET THE IRS TAKE ANOTHER PENNY WITHOUT MAKING THEM FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT IT!!!!!
THE EXCALAMAPEN CAN BE YOURS FOR ONLY 19.95!!!!!
BUT!!!!
IF YOU CALL NOW!!!!
WE’LL THROW IN THE POCKET CAPS-IZER!!!!
IF YOU’VE EVER WANTED TO YELL ON PAPER, THE CAPS-IZER IS FOR YOU!!!!!
FEEL THE WRATH!!!! IT JUMPS OFF THE PAGE!!!!
BUT WAIT!!!
THERE’S MORE!!!!
IF YOU CALL RIGHT NOW!!! WE’LL IN CLUDE TWO EXCLAMAPENS!!!!!
AND THE INSTANT SPELL CHECKER!!!!!
THAT’S TWO EXCLAMAPENS, A CAPS-IZER AND THE INSTANT SPELL CHECKER!!!!!
ALL FOR JUST 19.95!!!1
YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO TALK LIKE ME, BUT WITH THIS DEAL YOU SURE AS HELL CAN WRITE LIKE ME!!!!
May 27, 2009 at 12:32 pm rating: +40
#39
chelsey
PANs, I need help! How should I write a NON-PA note to a very heavy footed upstairs neighbor? Though it is a concrete building, and I’ve never heard noise from the 3 previous tenants, this neighbor rattles the window panes, tinkles the chandelier, and makes the lights flicker with his stompin’. If this is the wrong place to seek help, where do I go?
May 27, 2009 at 2:01 pm rating: +1
#40
GhostWriter
This is exactly the right place for you to go! You need help with a note, right? Well this place is infested with the very “help” you are seeking.
What about this?
“THIS HAS NEVER BEFORE BEEN AN ISSUE…
…but recently I’ve noticed that your colossal footsteps are reverberating the very fouindation of our building. If you hold neither regard nor concern for my chandelier and/or electrical connections, consider the real possibility of this whole building crashing to the ground via 9/11.
SAFETY FIRST!!!!!!!“
May 27, 2009 at 3:59 pm rating: +6
#41
Consultant Calamities
NOT ENOUGH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!
May 27, 2009 at 4:15 pm rating: +2
#42
SuperMe
There really are 30 exclamation points. I thought that was an exaggeration, so I counted them.
Now I’m sad that I wasted moments of my life because I didn’t trust the submitter. *sigh*
May 27, 2009 at 4:48 pm rating: +2
#43
César
I just realized writing with no caps is equally as annoying as writing in all caps.
May 27, 2009 at 4:59 pm rating: +1
#44
oi!
Do you guys know each set of exclamation point has hidden meaning in it? Let’s see what each set means:
….Taking my things!!!!: Even though I have such a bad taste, people steal my stuff? unbelievable!
…last warning….: As if I am capable of carrying out a warning!!
…god forbid!!!: I doubt that as I have not gone to church since last, I don’t know, century?
….cup back!!!: I can’t believe that they stole the dirtiest piece of all the crockery I have!!!
May 27, 2009 at 6:44 pm rating: +3
#45
oi!
“i don’t remember signing any bond/contract…..”
What about an agreement/covenant?
If you are gonna cover your basis with possible synonyms then at least you can be thorough.
May 27, 2009 at 6:52 pm rating: +4
#46
Cordelia
I can just picture the MS Word paperclip popping up to help her type this out.
“It looks like you’re writing a note! Would you like to:
-Ignore basic grammar
-Communicate one side of an imaginary conversation
-OVEREMPHASIZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! everything you write
-Start WWIII over a brown mug you bought 4 years ago for $2?
-All of the above
May 28, 2009 at 1:42 am rating: +11
#47
park rose
I think the whole note should be read in the voice of the robot from “Lost in Space”, accompanied with frenzied robot gestures.
“Warning, Will Robinson!!!! Warning ,Will Robinson!!!! First and last and final warning, Will Robinson!!!! Mayday, Mayday, Mayday!!!!”.
The quick brown mug, of course, never to be pieced back together again, was knocked over by the flailing arms of the bubble headed booby.
May 28, 2009 at 8:47 am rating: +3
#48
Nom
That mug was fucking delicious.
May 31, 2009 at 10:42 pm rating: 0
#49
tomrollock
For extra giggles, read aloud in a Welsh accent.
Jun 4, 2009 at 4:24 am rating: 0
#50
Missing Lunch
Have a sinking feeling of what the mystery thief might do in the ‘brown mug’ before giving it back.
Jun 29, 2009 at 10:23 am rating: 0
#51 why can’t you act professional? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: i don’t recall signing any bond/contact regarding your use of exclamation points!!! [...]
Dec 9, 2009 at 9:24 pm rating: 0
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