Not a match

May 27th, 2009 · 246 comments

If you’re looking for a few “free tips” about online dating, our anonymous submitter could give you a few.

not a match

not a match

related: Really though — carnations?

FILED UNDER: just not that into you · most popular notes of 2009 · online dating


246 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Spike Nesmith

    “a free tip”? The inference being that, after the meet, all further tips will be charged?

    Wow – he’s one needy douchebag.

    May 27, 2009 at 11:48 pm   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Andy

      NO.

      As in, “Just the tip, just a little bit, just to see how it feels.”

      In time you’ll get the whole salami. Because as you know, playing “hard to get” “gets me hard”.

      May 28, 2009 at 11:36 am   rating: 62  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   mamason bang

      Dad?

      May 28, 2009 at 11:49 am   rating: 63  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Canthz_B bang

    Reply: Are you looking for a match, or a bonfire, My Dear?

    May 27, 2009 at 11:57 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I’m thinking he’s got a small flame.

      May 28, 2009 at 11:30 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   unfortunate names

      that sputters out a bit too early

      May 28, 2009 at 8:54 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      And is hard to light.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Woody Wizzwell

    He’s got a pissy attitude!

    May 27, 2009 at 11:59 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Canthz_B bang

      No they don’t.

      And I’m not talking about attitudes.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:21 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   foreverSunset

    This screams, “Someone please talk to me.” Guy must think he’s some catch if he expects everyone who visits his profile to write him an email. King of online dating I’m sure…

    And the guy doesn’t seem to take a hint either. There’s this nice passive thing called ignoring you. I guess there’s always time for passive aggressiveness. ;)

    May 28, 2009 at 12:01 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   ClearlyDemented

    Here’s a tip for you…
    She’s just not that into you.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:02 am   rating: 128  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   oi bang

      here is tip for you, even if you pretend that you are cool dude(whom everybody should send an email) you still come out as needy.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:24 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   fluffy8u

      Nonsense! ClearlyDemented, this gentlemen is clearly the exception, not the rule.

      May 28, 2009 at 4:02 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    WTF do you mean you had a nice time, goodnight?
    I took you to a nice restaurant for this first date, and now you don’t want to put out?!

    May 28, 2009 at 12:04 am   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   TheOldSchool

      Part of the art of being a man is knowing when not to be too much of a gentleman.

      I forget the other part.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:50 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Canthz_B bang

      The other part is about not leaving hair and fiber evidence, TOS. :-P

      May 28, 2009 at 2:00 am   rating: 56  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   TheOldSchool

      Well played, CB. You discreetly left “bodily fluids*” off the list.

      *AKA: a “calling card.”

      May 28, 2009 at 2:27 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   TheOldSchool

      You know what they say: “A secretion is the better part of valor.”

      May 28, 2009 at 2:32 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Canthz_B bang

      I told you a while back, I flush my condoms.
      But hair and fiber is a real bitch!
      Merry Maids is never on time with the vacuum!

      May 28, 2009 at 3:11 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Alien8

      Heh-heh . You said Butt hair!

      May 28, 2009 at 6:48 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   BurstingAtTheSeams

    I love the “hey there” opening of the second email.

    It sounds so warm and friendly, and then, bang!

    May 28, 2009 at 12:11 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   TheOldSchool

      It’s a bit surprising that a charmer like him is even resorting to Match.com.

      Maybe his features are displeasing to the eye.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:40 am   rating: 53  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Canthz_B bang

      Or to the stomach.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:48 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Diane

      It’s possible he’s resorting to online dating because of an embarrassing personal hygiene issue- these emails stink so much, I can’t imagine he smells better in real life!

      May 28, 2009 at 8:53 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   QuarterRoy00 bang

      Or to the vagina

      May 28, 2009 at 9:00 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   ClearlyDemented

    I don’t know if you know this, but I don’t start conversations with narcissistic pricks.

    DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!

    May 28, 2009 at 12:11 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    Here’s a free tip: Be a crazed stalker after you meet, not before you meet.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:12 am   rating: 180  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   tee9zee

    Jeez , I wish there was a photo and an email. This guy sounds perfect for me.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:16 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    Why is he sending messages to these women?
    Match.com is supposed to match you up with people who are a lot like you.

    Why would he want to date an asshole?
    Or, maybe he just wants to talk shop with the best in the biz!

    May 28, 2009 at 12:19 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Sarah McDee

      Actually, that’s eHarmony. Match.com shows you any weirdo within specified radius.

      May 29, 2009 at 2:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Nathan

    While I’m sure this guy is an actual asshole, there is something to be said for being a bit of a jerk to attract women.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:24 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   oi bang

      jerk

      May 28, 2009 at 12:32 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   ClearlyDemented

      Personally, I like a man who assumes I don’t know how to navigate through the interwebs and tells me things I already know.

      My most recent love, let’s call him Blocked-Out-Face, first caught my eye when he explained to me how Twitter works (” I don’t know if you know this, but you have to keep it under 140 characters.”)
      Although my heart truly melted when he searched my history (“Looks like you looked at a video of a dog roller skating yesterday”), I didn’t know it was love until he emailed me a list of acceptable topics to discuss during our first date. Turns out, it’s rude to ask someone why their hair’s so greasy.

      He taught me so much.

      *single tear*

      May 28, 2009 at 1:26 am   rating: 118  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   unholyghost2003 bang

      Nathan? have you noticed that how much of a jerk you were to attract the girl is in direct proportion to how crazy said girl is?

      Someday you will grow tired of replacing your tires because they were slashed and the kinky/mildly frightening sex and you will stop being a jerk to pick up women. Your buddies will wonder why they haven’t had to take you out for shots because some crazy bitch set fire to your cat or went through your pictures and blacked out the eyes of all your female friends and relatives. Everyone will be happier Nathan … especially your cat.

      May 28, 2009 at 11:22 am   rating: 54  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   claw71 bang

      Slash my tires!
      Burn my cat!

      Just keep laying me out with that freaky sex.

      May 28, 2009 at 11:43 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   mew

      yeah, Nate, I don’t know where you boys came up with the jerk theory, or what kind of chick it actually works on, but that crap doesn’t fly with me, or any of the gorgeous, intelligent women I know! so, good luck with that :)

      May 28, 2009 at 12:22 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   Fresca

      …if you want to attract women who like jerks.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:22 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Welcome to Arkansas.

      May 28, 2009 at 4:29 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   lilmegz

      This guy doesn’t seem like a jerk to me, just a needy little man and that doesn’t fly with me.

      May 28, 2009 at 6:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   TheOldSchool

      jerk (n.)
      1935, “a tedious and ineffectual person who is forced to masturbate for sexual relief because his personality is so rancid he can’t even make contacts on match.com”

      Amer.Eng. carnival slang, perhaps from jerkwater town (1878), where a steam locomotive crew had to take on boiler water from a trough or a creek because there was no water tank.

      May 28, 2009 at 8:42 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   leftfoot

    I’d be scared of him if I ran into him at a bar. He seems like the “no doesn’t mean no” type.

    Terrifying.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:26 am   rating: 60  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   anglophile bang

      Seriously. Internet dating has its advantages. Imagine what he’d expect if you let him buy you a drink!

      May 28, 2009 at 6:44 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   fluffy8u

      Oh, man… the “Psycho” theme song is playing in my head.

      May 28, 2009 at 4:08 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   raiseyourglass

      Wow, can you say stalker vibe?

      May 28, 2009 at 11:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Meredith

    Paging John Page Fitzgerald…

    May 28, 2009 at 12:29 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Phalange

      Please, I bet this guy isn’t even in MENSA. I wonder how much he can bench press/squat/leg press???

      May 28, 2009 at 8:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   John Fitzgerald Page

      What the hell do you want?? I’m leaving for the gym in 26 MINUTES!!

      May 30, 2009 at 10:04 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Canthz_B bang

    These are just notes to women who viewed him and didn’t write him.

    Imagine the creepy missives he’s sending out the women he’s viewing during his proactive search!

    WOW! Great tits!! I’d like to spend the night with the three of you!
    If you have any, could you send me some nude pix?
    Maybe we can have coffee some time.
    I look forward to your immediate reply.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:31 am   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Canthz_B bang

      I’m STILL WAITING!!
      Oh, I get it. You’re playing hard to get!!

      Well, SCREW YOU!!! I’VE HAD BETTER “WOMEN” IN FUCKING PRISON!!!

      May 28, 2009 at 12:55 am   rating: 63  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   racerx2233

    This is just too sad to even comment on…………

    May 28, 2009 at 12:31 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   cheeky

      Yet you still felt the need to do so.

      Which is good, otherwise 30-year-old man would’ve contacted you:

      “Looks like you checked out this PAN about me but didn’t bother to comment. I am shocked”

      May 28, 2009 at 6:14 am   rating: 93  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   TheOldSchool

    Ebay has paypal.

    Match.com needs an easy-to-use Restraining Order service.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:32 am   rating: 70  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Canthz_B bang

      A “Quick Lame Lead”?

      May 28, 2009 at 12:41 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Luxe

    Dad?

    May 28, 2009 at 12:37 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   krewe

    Actually playing hard to get with this guy would be like soaking yourself in kerosene and sitting in the woods during forest fire season.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:40 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Canthz_B bang

      I don’t think that would stop him.
      He probably has a pair of asbestos underpants for just such an occasion.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:43 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Freddie

    Ooh, this one’s a keeper.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:41 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   octavius

      You mean this one needs a keeper, as in zoo or institution.

      May 28, 2009 at 5:07 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   raiseyourglass

      Keeper? Doesn’t sound like the type you could get rid of.

      May 28, 2009 at 11:11 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   TheOldSchool

    Clearly, the problem with this guy’s replies is that he isn’t using ALL CAPS and lots of exclamation points.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:47 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Brunogirl

      I think what is really missing is perfect capitalization and punctuation. Everyone knows that we women are blinded by proper grammar, and that it can serve as camoflauge for otherwise blindingly obvious issues.

      If only he had capitalized that first “hey”, and used quotation marks properly. Now we’ll never know if a match would have been made.

      May 28, 2009 at 8:54 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    This is a clear example of a woman who got an A in ” A Woman’s Intuition 101″.

    May 28, 2009 at 1:02 am   rating: 55  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   mike

    Hahahaha. Long time reader, first time poster.

    This is the funniest one yet.

    May 28, 2009 at 1:53 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   SARAH

      nah, there were funnier…

      May 28, 2009 at 2:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   Canthz_B bang

      So was your comment! I’m glad you like it, mike.

      May 28, 2009 at 2:03 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   TheOldSchool

      Mike, what was it about this post that made you decide to comment?

      Have you had trouble at Match.com?

      Have you had a few too many drinks? Wife’s out of town … and, well, let’s be honest … you’ve always been a little bit bi-curious.

      Or did you just think: “Fuck it. My life couldn’t possibly get any worse….”

      If you’re like most dentists, the answer is all of the above.

      May 28, 2009 at 2:50 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   Canthz_B bang

      Commiseration is the better part of valor?

      Nicely done, TOS!

      May 28, 2009 at 3:15 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.5   fluffy8u

      Um… I’m number… 3 in TOS’s list. Yup. Just 3. And part of two. (You know me–always drunk, never funny)

      May 28, 2009 at 4:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Mary

    I just had a guy pull this at plentyoffish.com. “You added me as a favorite but didn’t write to me!” I did not reply, but seriously, “favorite” is like a bookmark to say “this one seems to still have his teeth and didn’t mention Nascar in his profile.” It’s just a way to find people I’ve deemed probably dateable…

    May 28, 2009 at 2:06 am   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   TheOldSchool

      I had the same thing happen at Stand-Offish.com.

      Aloof bastards!

      May 28, 2009 at 2:53 am   rating: 44  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   park rose

      @25, I know there’s a Moby Dick joke in there somewhere.

      May 28, 2009 at 4:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   wicked opinion

      Isn’t it funny how guys always have a Backup Fuck (you know, the girl you call at 3 am when the bars didn’t work out for you) but they get so pissy and offended when you keep them on standby for more than a day?

      May 29, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   Anonymous Public

      I like how you mention you’re online dating coolly as if it’s cool and then badmouth someone else.

      You’re a dumb bitch obviously. Enjoy being alone

      May 29, 2009 at 2:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   Sirius¤ bang

      Looks like Anonymous Public (@24.4 & 49.2) has something in common with our anonymous Match.com douche; i.e., nobody showing interest in matching up with them.

      I think the problem, AP, is that you took the Match.com user instructions too literally. When they helpfully suggest that you just “be yourself”, what they mean is “be yourself if you’re not a raging asspanda; if you happen to be an asspanda, pretending to be someone other than yourself may get you better results”

      Anonymous Public ::: Ass Panda
      — conicidence? I think not!

      May 30, 2009 at 11:04 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.6   Canthz_B bang

      Aw, AP, don’t despair. There’s someone out there for you.
      You won’t die cold and alone (probably).
      Sure you may be cold and alone now, but I’m sure that you clean up nicely.
      Now grab a shower, iron those clothes and put on a happy face!

      May 31, 2009 at 5:44 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.7   Anonymous Public

      uh, I’ve never online dated and I have a boyfriend (I’m a female). I just hate seeing other women do stupid shit like the commenter above.

      Jesus, get some context, idiots.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 10:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.8   unholyghost2003 bang

      Wait, because you had so much context when you called a woman a “dumb bitch”? You had/have no idea what the fuck you are talking about.

      What “stupid shit” did she do? Are you saying online dating is “stupid shit”? Rejecting people she isn’t attracted to is “stupid shit”? Not just being thankful that a man might love her is “stupid shit”?

      The implication of what you have said is that women who choose to meet potential dates through internet dating services have no right to be at all discriminating about who they date.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 10:16 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.9   Canthz_B bang

      AP, I find it best not to comment about things I know nothing about. Boyfriends aren’t husbands (they are just guys you are currently fucking), so cold and alone is still a possibility for you…especially with that potty mouth of yours.
      You say you’ve never tried on-line dating…so, how do I put this nicely…shut the fuck up about it already!
      You know not what you speak!!

      Bookmarking is simply saying “you look interesting, and I don’t want to forget
      to get back to you when I have more time.”

      Bitching about someone bookmarking you, but not writing you right away, is bad form and shows a character flaw.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 10:44 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.10   Anonymous Public

      uh, there can be no mistaking that Cathz 1. did as a fact seem to put this guy down for messaging her cuz she did indeed favorite him (without ofcourse, explaining to him why) and then proceeded to not respond to his message like she’s such hot shit and he MUST be a dumbass for messaging her after her seemingly illogical move. THAT, especially the bragging, makes her a dumb bitch, case closed.

      Yes, i could end up alone and whatever, i’d be ok with it. I’ve been alone before. i love when I love, not because i need to love.

      I’m starting to think most everyone else involved in this convo is retarded too.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 2:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.11   Anonymous Public

      also the “Jesus, get some context, idiots” was related to your follow up comments, not the original. you know, the ones in which you in most unoriginal fashion assumed i’m single and lonely bla bla bla. Jeez, cant a girl just hate when other women are illogical,inconsistent , and un-accountadable without being “bitter and lonely” ? What, do we all have to be loyal to our own stupidity like a union? Yeah, no thanks.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 2:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.12   unholyghost2003 bang

      Since there was NOTHING illogical or inconsistent about her behavior (YOU have made grand assumptions about what certain behaviors mean while having no experience with the social sphere they sprang from … a less dramatic equivalent of calling someone an asshole for yelling at ‘the nice Iranian fellow who gave him a thumbs up’)

      When it was pointed out that Bookmarkng or Favoriting doesn’t have the meaning you ascribed to it you continued to call the OP insulting names and insulted everyone who responded to you. Apparently you ARE loyal to your own stupidity in addition to a deep devotion to a weird misogyny.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 3:26 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.13   Sirius¤ bang

      Well, AP, when you put it like that, it makes perfect sense:

      1) If Mary bookmarks someone, she is obligated to inform them of her reasons for doing so

      2) Mary should reply to every message she gets and not be such hot shit

      3) Everyone except you is retarded, even the ones who can spell & capitalize and bla bla bla case closed!

      Obviously you’re a supremely cool woman and not bitter. Enjoy being publicly anonymous.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 3:27 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.14   Anonymous Public

      @ Sirius,

      yes to 1, no to 2 (that’s not what I was saying).

      3. yes, my grammar has been poor thus far. i’m busy. deal with it.

      i am bitter, but about stupidity, not lonliness as I was accused of being. I have no qualms about admitting to that.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 3:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.15   unholyghost2003 bang

      AP
      NO to #1 …. You DO NOT contact people to explain WHY you bookmarked them. To write someone to explain that is NOT the social standard.

      Holy SHIT are you stupid! No wonder you are bitter about your stupidity.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 3:42 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.16   Anonymous Public

      that SHOULD be the social standard. If you’re going to bookmark them, have the decency to say hello.

      how am I stupid for thinking that should be a rule?

      Jun 1, 2009 at 3:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.17   Anonymous Public

      also “Holy SHIT are you stupid! No wonder you are bitter about your stupidity.” NOT clever.

      Holy SHIT are you pathetic for being afraid to talk to someone that you’re comfortable lurking.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 3:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.18   unholyghost2003 bang

      You are stupid because you are insulting people for not following social standards that exist only in your head.
      It doesn’t matter that you think explaining WHY you bookmarked a profile SHOULD be the social standard. It ISN’T the social standard and insulting people because they don’t follow the social rules as decided by YOU AND YOU ALONE is moronic in ways that defy description.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 3:51 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.19   Mark bang

      AP, you fail.

      That is all.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:03 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.20   unholyghost2003 bang

      What on earth do you think I am afraid of? And how can I, a happily married woman, be a fag?

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:04 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.21   Snippy

      Wow, AP, you’re a real prize. :roll:

      You actually believe that people who use a dating/matching Web service are obligated to tell others, “I have bookmarked you for future reference, but don’t contact me unless I contact you; I just wanted to be able to take another look at your profile when I have more time”? Seriously?!?

      You’re almost adorably stupid — but not quite. That’s probably why I don’t like you.

      Unlike you, I have used online dating sites for the past couple of years, and met my current girlfriend and a previous one that way. There is no requirement that obligates people to provide a reason for why they have bookmarked others, or for later deleting the bookmarks either.

      Do you also think that a woman must explain herself to some guy who she might have made eye contact with at a social event? After all, he might be certain that your looking at him meant you wanted to sleep with him. Thus you think it is your responsibility to make sure that he doesn’t get the wrong idea, right? You are about as bright as a bag of rocks, but they have the edge on ya.

      Oh, and way to go on the “fag” insults. It is reassuring to know that you’re insensitive, as well as being just as big a dumb shit as we suspected earlier. Please refrain from reproducing. The rest of the gene pool thanks you.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:16 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.22   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Really , the illogical, inconsistant and unaccountable women are the ones who fall for asspandas that try to rule thier lives and make them feel small and useless, not the stronger,self-assured women who don’t need to respond to every muscle flex a man makes.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:18 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.23   Anonymous Public

      @ Mark-

      the whole “fail” thing is extremely 1. computer geek and 2. already passed its point on the trend bell curve.

      @unholy ghost- uh, anyone, regardless or marital status or sex can be a fag. holy SHIT you’re stupid…

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.24   Anonymous Public

      @ snippy-

      you must be a loser for using a dating site and i imagine your girflriend is fat and ugly.

      there is a huge difference between eye contact in public and lurking a profile (hint: you bookmark someone without saying hi, you’re the creep).

      finally, if you’re an intelligent and sexy woman, you know how to leverage attention without being either too “slutty” or too cold about it.

      I’m thinking, again, that this crowd is so far inferior to me that i should just keep my mouth shut as you clearly don’t understand anything.

      god, fucking internet people…

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.25   Mishee™ bang

      ghostie, maybe he was calling you a cigarette?

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:25 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.26   Anonymous Public

      also Snippy,

      yes, it’s NOT unreasonable for someone to pagemark someone and send a quick note “hey i liked what i saw, am quite busy, maybe we can chat sometime” I guess you dont know much about tact either?

      TROGLADYTE!

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.27   Anonymous Public

      also Snippy,

      yes, it’s NOT unreasonable for someone to pagemark someone and send a quick note “hey i liked what i saw, am quite busy, maybe we can chat sometime” I guess you dont know much about tact either?

      TROGLODYTE!

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.28   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Doesn’t like the internet posters here and yet…she keeps responding. in duplicate.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:29 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.29   Snippy

      LOL :lol:

      Rave on, Anonymous Pinhead, you demented little moron. Really, the rest of the populace desperately need to hear your pronouncements of what is and isn’t proper, so that we can study and learn from such a superior being.

      Bwah-hah-hah-ha!

      Thanks for these moments of levity to help me cope with the news that I, and all others who use on-line dating sites to meet new people, are fat & ugly losers. {sniffle} :cry:
      It was so helpful of you to enlighten us.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:30 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.30   unholyghost2003 bang

      Oh THANKS Snippy! Now I have a serious earworm. It is a crazy feeling

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.31   oi!

      hear hear people! New book of rules and regulations on online dating by AP. It’s on discount today only. Don’t miss out your chance to get this incredibly stupid hilarious material. you can not underestimate the value even though AP does not have first hand experience because that is what that makes it funny.
      oh yeah If you are not impressed yet she also has thrown some pretty big name calling in it. Don’t you guys know If you start name calling that proves you right!
      We are truly grateful that you decided to talk to us even though we are totally inferior than you but we would be more if you would follow your own advise and shut up.
      on unrelated note so is it wrong to be gay?

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:37 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.32   unholyghost2003 bang

      No oi! I should have included “Not that there is anything wrong with that”

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:42 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.33   Sirius¤ bang

      AP, that voice you hear is your coach in the corner. He’s telling you to stay down until the nice man counts to 10.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:43 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.34   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I was told when I was younger that being gay and lighthearted was part of being a christian…

      Jun 1, 2009 at 4:43 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.35   Anonymous Public

      @ Sirius, ahaha you must be joking. I’ve thoroughly trounced the collective asses of you guys in this one.

      the problem and part you aren’t understanding, is the fact that even if you think you win, you’re all losers regardless, so I still win.

      go me.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 5:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.36   oi!

      oh this one is easy.
      If I call the front sit first, I get to sit on it.
      go me.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 5:17 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.37   Sirius¤ bang

      Remember, oi!, winning an argument on the internet is like coming in first at the Special Olympics. You get a shiny medal, and nobody laughs when you pee in your pants.

      Wait, is that how it goes?

      Jun 1, 2009 at 5:24 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.38   anglophile bang

      Finally! Someone out there who tells it like it is! I’ve been waiting so long to find someone who calls it like she sees it, mostly because no one else will admit to seeing that pink elephant hiding in the corner over there.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 5:25 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.39   Anonymous Public

      @ anglophile-

      thanks! I’m glad to see another Alpha on here. I’m sure you’re far too charming and beautiful to need either internet dating or those low-lifes.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 5:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.40   anglophile bang

      You just don’t know how true those words are, AP!

      In fact, I’m pretty sure these low-lifes aren’t worth any more pearls of wisdom which fall from our lips!

      You want to meet somewhere for a drink?

      Jun 1, 2009 at 5:33 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.41   Anonymous Public

      @ Anglophile,

      no need, but thanks.

      Hey you know what, everyone here can hate me all you want but I’m just playing the role of the Anonymous Public here and wherever there’s a dumbass named Canthz bragging about rejecting a guy on her ONLINE DATING profile because she called his attention then ignored him, causing him to write a reasonable “what gives?” message that she could further judge and brag about, there’s an Anonymous Public waiting, saying what everyone else is thinking but not saying to be nice- and reminding her that she isn’t as hot shit as she thinks she is.

      and i do it because I’m tough enough, i can take it, and the world deserves better than to let this kind of thing slide by as acceptable behavior for anyone.

      The Anonymous Public rests.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 5:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.42   anglophile bang

      Oh, wait.

      This is a Canthz_B troll? Wow.

      I did not see that coming.

      But I enjoyed every bit of it nonetheless.

      :lol:

      Jun 1, 2009 at 5:47 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.43   oi!

      now I am seriously crept out. no more internet fights.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 5:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.44   Anonymous Public

      @ anglophile,

      Now i’m confused. I rarely if ever comment, but Canthz’s comment just really needed to be smacked down.

      Do you not like him/her or something? I figured you were being sarcastic on the drink comment because you probably didnt mean kudos to me (and so I semi-sarcastically assumed it was to me and thanked you) but now I don’t quite know what you mean- does this Canthz say a lot of stupid things? is he/she known for most likely-unqualified arrogance?

      Jun 1, 2009 at 5:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.45   anglophile bang

      You mean you only became confused at this point, AP?

      That surprises me greatly.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 6:08 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.46   Anonymous Public

      yeah, I’ve been pretty assured on this one up to this point: Canthz and anyone who backed her has proven themselves to be both savvy internet daters and also completely lame.

      You may have complimented my work-there’d be good reason for it- or you may not have. I suppose what I’m confused about it is you seem to mix good reasoning, sincerity, and sarcasm together so I’m now not sure what you mean as oviously there’s no tone of voice on here or non-verbal gestures. Essentially, we’re now in a litmus-test situation for you. Go with the popular team (popular on here) or go with the right team. Your call.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 6:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.47   ClearlyDemented

      AP, just because you have an opinion, that doesn’t make it the right one. And I don’t think you can call others geeks (in the same sentence as bell curve, no less) when your posts scream pocket protector and electrically taped-up spectacles. I’ve never online dated and I don’t have any problem with the submitter’s actions, especially since there’s no indication that she bookmarked him. (Seems like you may know a little more about Match.com than you’re willing to admit.) He says she looked at his profile. Now, this may be hard for you to understand, but you are allowed to look at something on the internet without having anything to say. How about starting now?

      Jun 1, 2009 at 6:23 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.48   Snippy

      You should really stop eating beans, AP. You’ve been an obnoxious spewing bag of gas for over 3 hours now.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 6:27 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.49   oi!

      May the force be with you!

      Jun 1, 2009 at 6:29 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.50   Anonymous Public

      @ Snippy-

      shut the fuck up. you’re a nothing man and you know it. The world is eating you alive daily.

      @Clearly Demented.

      On this one, I’m going to have to say that my opinion is not an opinion, it is a fact of social justice. All those opposed are wrong, all those in support or morally correct, there can be no discourse or dialogue on this.

      Yes, I know i scream pocket protector but I’m more like a female Bruce Wayne/Batman combo. extremely attractive, very troubled, and nearly obsessed with social justice. As far as match goes, never been, but the explanations of other summarized the situation clearly.

      @ Anglophile, your blog reminds me of one I used to write. Despite my harsh appearance here, in this current role (I play many), we are much alike.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 6:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.51   anglophile bang

      I have no doubt of that, AP. Why, I myself have been known to be completely wrong on the Internet once or twice, so we have that in common right off the bat!

      Jun 1, 2009 at 6:43 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.52   Snippy

      Oooh, an ignorant, self-inflated half-wit has called me bad names. Whatever shall I do? :razz:

      Yeah, I’m “a nothing man” (whatever the hell that means), and the world is chewing me up and spitting me out. Uh-huh… whatever. :roll:

      Your parents didn’t happen to grow up together in the same town, same neighborhood, same house, with the same parents, did they? I’m just wondering because that might explain a lot about your intellectual shortcomings. The raging ego, however, well, you get full credit for nurturing that yourself.

      P.S. – Sorry about the earworm, UHG.

      Jun 1, 2009 at 6:50 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.53   Honeybutter bang

      How did Canthz_B get blamed for this note??

      Jun 1, 2009 at 7:07 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.54   Mark bang

      Didn’t you know, Cantz is an ugly Polish chick that is a total slut on the “freaky sex” message boards? Everyone has had cybersex with her!

      Jun 1, 2009 at 7:13 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.55   Canthz_B bang

      Whoa!! What caused this train wreck?

      Oh, the usual cause…a dingbat was on the tracks!

      Where did this chick Canthz brag about rejecting some guy online again?

      Someone was in the medicine cabinet today! ROTFLMMFAO!!!

      Jun 2, 2009 at 12:37 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.56   Vashti

      Seeing this display of misplaced rage was stunning.

      AP raged, spittle dripping from her lips, at Canthz, and all the while she was mad about what Mary did on a dating site?

      AP, often people who don’t have paid memberships at a dating site will browse profiles and bookmark the interesting ones.
      They CANNOT write to them because you need to subscribe to the service (most people don’t like getting free winks or flirts).

      They intend to contact these people when the get a subscription.

      Now do you understand how internet dating works and why, if you have no experience with something, you should learn to listen rather than talk so much?

      You should apologize to these people.

      Jun 2, 2009 at 9:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.57   Canthz_B bang

      Vashti, do you expect that apology from Tom Joad, Bruce Wayne or Scarlet O’Hara?

      Jun 2, 2009 at 10:10 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.58   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Ap, while you are raging, include spics, wops,and micks. we need love too.

      Jun 4, 2009 at 1:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.59   Mark bang

      You forgot Poland!

      Jun 4, 2009 at 1:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.60   Beanster bang

      don’t forget wogs and chinks and jundis

      Jun 4, 2009 at 1:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.61   Canthz_B bang

      What? A Brotha can’t get no hate now?

      Damned discrimination!

      Jun 5, 2009 at 1:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   eep

    Wow, that’s creepy.

    May 28, 2009 at 2:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   BrookeDiz bang

    What’s with the “Active Within 24 hours” bit? I thought Viagra started working much faster than that.

    May 28, 2009 at 2:59 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   marx

      As you see here, his other meds take a bit longer to kick in.

      May 28, 2009 at 5:08 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   marx

    Free tip because after paying like a sucka for online dating that’s the best he could afford. Expect origami roses at best and a mysterious “bathroom break” at dinner from which he never returns.

    May 28, 2009 at 5:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   aaa

      Roses are way too hard to fold. Expect cranes and boxes with lids, at best.

      May 28, 2009 at 7:21 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Diane

      If he really wanted to impress, he’d go with a samurai hat made from yesterday’s newspaper. Plus, it’s eco-friendly! Bonus points, I think.

      May 28, 2009 at 8:58 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   Brunogirl

      It’s a brooch, it’s a hat, it’s a pterodactyl…

      May 28, 2009 at 9:08 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   Mishee™ bang

      …And Brunogirl with the Airplane! reference FTW!

      May 28, 2009 at 9:11 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.5   Beanster bang

      well, diane, he is an associate professor of samurai sword skills. he would only have asked you on a second date, though if you liked and understood the nuances of jamming

      May 28, 2009 at 11:19 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.6   Brunogirl

      Oh great, now I have a mental image of John Belushi running Samurai Dating Service…

      May 28, 2009 at 12:22 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.7   Diane

      Ugh, only an associate professor? Let’s hope he never contacts me again. (I have standards….)

      May 28, 2009 at 8:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   thrall38

    Here’s a free tip for you: Run, don’t walk, to the nearest police station.

    May 28, 2009 at 6:04 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   aaa

    I wanna see this guy’s profile; he has the perfect combination of entitled dick and lonely loser that makes Why women Hate Men- so fun, so I’m hoping his profile’s the same. Although there’s always the possibility that this dude appears normal at first but then turns to monkey when he attempts communication his mouth…

    May 28, 2009 at 7:20 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   aaa

      Um, wow, that sentence is really awkwardly worded. I ar teh fayul for trying to comment first thing in the morning… :c

      May 28, 2009 at 3:26 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Woman on the Verge bang

    hey,

    I received your two emails. Here’s a free tip: If a woman checks out your profile and finds that you are an asshat and leaves no message she doesn’t want to hear from you. If she is then accosted by you via 2 emails and still doesn’t respond she REALLY doesn’t want to hear from you. If you continue to contact her she will post your picture on the known sex offender web sites.

    Have a great day!

    May 28, 2009 at 8:11 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   KatieMB

    Whaaaaaaaat???? She hasn’t already replied with a wedding date, reception site and baby names? What is she waiting for??!!

    May 28, 2009 at 8:21 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Resident Grammarian esq bang

      Well she IS playing hard to get. The lack of baby names probably takes it too far though.

      May 28, 2009 at 9:22 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Gunderson105

    I always give a lady a free tip at the end of the first date. Its like a tease for when I go balls-deep after the second one.

    May 28, 2009 at 8:39 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   claw71 bang

    I’d love to see if this guy’s list of hobbies includes clubbing homeless people, brushing up against school girls and setting cats on fire, you know, because I’m always looking to start up another bromance.

    May 28, 2009 at 8:43 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   fluffy8u

      Nah, he enjoys crushing beer cans on his forehead, watchin’ Larry the Cable Guy in his trailer, his own “special time,” and leaving his Christmas lights all year.

      May 28, 2009 at 5:08 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   Mishee™ bang

    This looks like the preamble of a submission from http://www.psychoticlettersfrommen.com.

    May 28, 2009 at 8:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   aaa

      Ah, Weasel’s blogs certainly are magic, aren’t they?

      May 28, 2009 at 3:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Consultant Calamities

    Desperate, anyone?

    May 28, 2009 at 8:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   fluffy8u

      As Desperate as a Housewife.

      May 28, 2009 at 5:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   cheeky

    “You should play hard to get after we meet”

    Yeah, ’cause all those women who actually agreed to meet this freak and never got back in touch with him afterwards are just playing hard to get…

    May 28, 2009 at 8:47 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Brunogirl

    Imagine the PAN’s he must send the staff.

    hey,

    I noticed that you have allowed me to view the people who have been checking me out. While this is a useful feature, I’ve noticed that the numbers don’t correlate to that actual emails I’ve received. Since most girls I meet are just playing hard to get, this means that I need to put on a better chase to show my interest.

    I find it really distressing that Match.com doesn’t automatically include phone number/address information for those people who are checking me out. This way, I can show them my interest more directly. After all, isn’t this site about my happiness? Why else would you have this feature? I’m seriously considering ending my membership over this.

    Here’s a tip: don’t offer a feature unless it truly benefits your subscribers.

    God’s gift to women

    May 28, 2009 at 9:02 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   QuarterRoy00 bang

    That’s a deal breaker ladies!

    May 28, 2009 at 9:03 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   claw71 bang

    It’s a shame that we can’t see this guy’s picture. I’d love to confirm my suspicions that this guy has a mullet an is wearing a T-shirt informing us that mustache rides are, as we had hoped, free

    May 28, 2009 at 9:03 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Canthz_B bang

      *decides it’s time to toss the “Official Bikini Inspector” T-shirt*

      May 28, 2009 at 9:19 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.2   MeToo

      Wait…are mustache rides really free?

      Damn.

      May 28, 2009 at 11:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.3   claw71 bang

      Ass, gas or grass…
      nobody rides for free.

      May 28, 2009 at 11:18 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.4   Phalange

      Actually, if we’re gonna play t-shirt roulette, I’d put my money on either “FBI-Female Body Inspector” or “This isn’t a beer belly, it’s a fuel tank for a sex machine!”.

      Basically it’s a sure bet that it’ll be some variety of t-shirt that you can buy in those shitty boardwalk souvenier shops.

      May 28, 2009 at 3:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #39.5   fluffy8u

      It could be be “Beer Is Proof That God Loves Us.”

      May 28, 2009 at 5:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   nerdy

    Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Danger!

    May 28, 2009 at 9:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   J0sie bang

    I’m playing extremely hard to get by not having a match.com account and just reading about him on PAN instead. I must be driving him nuts!

    May 28, 2009 at 9:12 am   rating: 61  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   Kimberly

    This guy perhaps? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acERZQIAjUk

    May 28, 2009 at 9:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Beanster bang

      Oh my Freaking Lord!

      I am from the Toronto area and that guy tried to add me on Facebook and messaged me repeatedly. HA

      May 28, 2009 at 11:30 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   Brunogirl

      You should have just told him you were into playing games and on medication for your anxiety/personality disorder.

      Apparently that’s all it takes to get him to delete your number. ;)

      They say opposites attract.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.3   Beanster bang

      i think i may. im sure i can still find him in the archives. if only i had known back then what i know now! (i won’t lie, i did once check out his profile and not send an email. i guess subconsciously i was playing hard to get.)

      May 28, 2009 at 12:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.4   aaa

      Dude, all humans should check this douche’s website. (Nice popup there, you cuntsnail.)

      http://www.dimitrithelover.com/

      God, this guy is a real douche-fucker.

      P.S. This kid’s site is really poorly designed and has very shitty animations. For fuck’s sake, man.

      May 28, 2009 at 3:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.5   Mishee™ bang

      aaa, some people don’t have the option to go to sites likes that! Their work’s internet blocking says, “You are not allowed to access this site. Reason: Sexual Predator”

      You have to share the love with everyone:

      Before entering Dimitri The Lover’s controversial web site please note that his extremely popular TORONTO REAL MEN meetings are often SOLD OUT!!! To be guaranteed a seat for June 10, 2009, go to the TORONTO REAL MEN tab in this web site and REGISTER IMMEDIATELY. Cost to register on line is just $29 versus $40 cash at the door. Meetings include dinner and refreshments! Dimitri The Lover loses money hosting these meetings. Instead, he offers them as a community service to horny Toronto men that want to learn the secret to quickly seducing cold, uptight, sexually repressed local sluts.

      ROFLMAO!!

      May 28, 2009 at 4:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.6   aaa

      Ah, very true, Mishee. But I’m young and entitled and therefore too lazy to actually transcribe the whole deal.

      May 28, 2009 at 4:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.7   Mishee™ bang

      I thought you kids these days knew all about Copy & Paste….

      *shrugs*

      May 28, 2009 at 4:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.8   aaa

      P.S.

      This dude actually is a sexual predator. Turns out he was stripped of his medical license for sexually assaulting his female patients. :/

      May 28, 2009 at 4:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.9   aaa

      Like I said, kids these days are too lazy. ;D

      May 28, 2009 at 4:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.10   unholyghost2003 bang

      The was a whole episode of Criminal Minds based around a guy like that …

      May 28, 2009 at 4:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.11   aaa

      Evidently he has a Wikipedia article…

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_N._Sears

      May 28, 2009 at 4:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   amy d bang

    Browsing someone’s profile, deciding they are not for you and subsequently ignoring their emails is not playing hard to get, it’s not playing at all.

    May 28, 2009 at 10:36 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   claw71 bang

      I’d browse your profile, amy_d, I’d browse it hard.

      May 28, 2009 at 11:14 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.2   amy d bang

      Oh Claw, I’d love for you to browse my profile, as long as you promise to peruse it more thoroughly a little later.

      I love the way you insert an underscore into my name! I’ve never felt an underscore as big as yours, baby.

      May 28, 2009 at 11:25 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.3   J0sie bang

      Oh what I’d give for a good perusing. I can’t get a guy to peruse more thoroughly ever. After they’re done browsing they just fall asleep!

      May 28, 2009 at 12:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      But after they’re done browsing they never call.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.5   Brunogirl

      I’d just like to get the right guy to thumb through my archives.

      No strings. :P

      May 28, 2009 at 12:39 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.6   Mark bang

      You have been duly thumbed by me.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      After he clicks on your profile, will he respect you in the morning?

      May 28, 2009 at 1:04 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.8   Brunogirl

      Anybody who clicks on my profile is unlikely to respect me afterwards. :P

      May 28, 2009 at 2:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   Commentator

    I did not say “hi” because in browsing your profile, I found that you are a 30 year old man living in your mom’s garage, and you and your friends have a disgusting habit of peeing on the fence instead of walking all that distance to the bathroom.

    Have a good search for a suitable mate. She’s out there (gag).

    May 28, 2009 at 11:08 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      She is out there and she is a 9th level Mage with a body odor problem and stretch pants.

      May 28, 2009 at 11:58 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.2   Brunogirl

      Named Fred…

      Hotchick69 at home…

      May 28, 2009 at 12:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.3   zebra

      Awesome comment!!!

      May 28, 2009 at 12:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.4   fluffy8u

      Sigh, once again… as Mishee pointed out, “It’s a carriage house!”

      May 28, 2009 at 5:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.5   unholyghost2003 bang

      is that your lucky R2 in your pocket?

      May 28, 2009 at 6:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.6   Mishee™ bang

      fluffy, thank you for noticing me.

      I feel validated.

      May 28, 2009 at 6:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.7   fluffy8u

      The good jokes always deserve to be repeated. ;)

      May 28, 2009 at 7:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   aloria

    This is precisely why I gave up on online dating long ago, and why I want to slap all my married friends* who insist it’s the holy grail of meeting people.

    *that all met their spouses in HS or College, of course.

    May 28, 2009 at 11:09 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   easy button

      You could always date their spouses.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:07 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.2   Phalange

      I don’t think I’ve ever heard an online dating success story, unless you count those stupid e-harmony commercials.

      Maybe it’s because match.com is filled with so many hideous creatures that if you formed an army with them you’d be more than capable of attacking Gondor.

      May 28, 2009 at 3:14 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.3   Brunogirl

      Are you suggesting that he looks like an Uruk-hai?

      In that case, I think we know why his profile pic was blanked out.

      I can see it now:

      I just love kids and puppies call me and we’ll get together for coffee.

      May 28, 2009 at 4:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.4   Canthz_B bang

      I met my wife on-line.
      We were very happy.
      It works if you work it right.

      Now this guy?
      On-Line dating, he’s doing it rong!

      May 28, 2009 at 9:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.5   VentureSister

      Dude, if I found a guy that looked like the actor who plays that Uruk-Hai… Well, let’s just say I’d not only let him peruse my profile, I would let him defrag my hard drive if he wanted.

      May 28, 2009 at 9:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #46   claw71 bang

    Dating is complicated enough and when you combine it with the obfuscating powers of the internet it’s a wonder people connect at all. The games people play…

    That’s why I don’t play games. I don’t waste time with the computer. Not when it comes to love. I do things the old fashioned way. When I’m attracted to a woman I follow her, study her habits and become familiar with her routines. I take note of the people she talks to and determine important things about her, like when she’s most likely to be alone and how long it would take her friends and family to raise the alarm if she disappeared.

    After careful consideration I arrive at a decision. Is this the one? If so, I move forward and arrange for a meeting. I know where she’ll be and when she’ll be there and I’m certain that she won’t think twice about the panel van parked on the street next to that boarded up storefront.

    Ether is so cumbersome and the initial struggle can draw attention. I prefer a taser. I just have to get close enough ensure a clean connection between the terminals and her body, but over the weeks I will have practiced this to test her awareness. She’s not perceptive.

    It happens fast. A quick zapping sound and perhaps a startled yip from her. She falls to the ground, dazed and temporarily paralyzed. Grabbing her up and forcing her into the van is easy. Another healthy 35,000 volts ensures that she won’t be kicking and screaming for a few minutes. Plenty of time to pull into a dark alley and tie her up.

    Over the next several days, I will woo her. She will realize that I am in control and she will do as she is told. I will earn her trust by removing the sutures that hold her lips together. Maybe she’ll be hungry and I’ll feed her a hearty stew. A hearty stew made from her precious cat. That way she will know that her love and affection must never be divided. Then she will call her friends and family to tell them she is happy, healthy and in love. She’ll convince them of this or they will be eliminated. Nobody will stand between us. Ever.

    That’s love. Perhaps it won’t last. Like the others before her she might force me to hurt her. And then she’ll be gone. Perhaps tied to a concrete block at the bottom of Sandusky Bay, a few holes punched into her torso to vent gasses as her body slowly decays in the murky waters of Lake Erie. Maybe pieces of her will be scattered throughout Cuyahoga National Park, gnawed beyond recognition by coyotes and opportunistic raccoons. It seems that lasting love always eludes me, but I’m a romantic. I’ll keep trying.

    May 28, 2009 at 11:13 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #46.1   Brunogirl

      I love it when a man goes after what he wants and doesn’t take no for an answer.

      *flutter*

      Call me :)

      May 28, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.2   Lady JJ

      OMG!

      May 28, 2009 at 12:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.3   Phalange

      Damn, you make Buffalo Bill look like an amateur. You don’t even give them lotion.

      May 28, 2009 at 3:17 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #46.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      There’s been a white panel van across the street from my workplace now for three days…I think I’m officially paranoid.

      May 28, 2009 at 4:21 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #47   Nikki

    OMG. Wonder why you’re single?

    Try this, creeper, I looked at your profile, found it creepy and decided that I didn’t want any contact with you. Then you contacted me and confirmed my theory that you are, indeed, an obnoxious freak. Here’s a free tip for you: stop being a freak.

    May 28, 2009 at 11:39 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #47.1   claw71 bang

      Nikki,

      I right clicked on your name while pressing the alt and f7 keys. That gave me access to your ISP and by hacking their database with a simple SQL-based array I was able to find your address and phone number.

      Apparently you get off work at 5:00. I’ll be waiting. Did you want to dine in tonight or go out?

      May 28, 2009 at 11:50 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #48   Kristin

    Pushy and needy – just the kind of guy I’m looking to meet!

    May 28, 2009 at 12:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Charlene

    Wow. this makes me wish I’d saved an interchange from this one guy on OKCUPID. I was going through a phase where I said, “thanks but no” to guys who wrote me I wasn’t interested in. Most took it graciously, but one guy thought, because i had taken the time to write him back, that i WAS interested. Yup. She says no but she means yes. when I stupidly wrote back to clarify that indeed I did mean NO he took that extra bit of attention as a sign that in fact I was saying I didn’t want a relationship, but A FUCK BUDDY AFFAIR. wow.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #49.1   durian

      I understand, Charlene. Once you’ve been to paradise, why would you want to go again?

      May 28, 2009 at 2:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #49.2   Anonymous Public

      you shoulda done it….not like you were taken or anything

      May 29, 2009 at 3:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #50   mew

    This totally reminds me of some dude that was trying to get me to talk to him on MySpace…he was Italian and I guess that made him think he had a lock on the romance department? He sent me a message, telling me I was “bella” and he’d really like to meet me, etc. I ignored him, and get a message the next day saying” I know you read my message, I can see it was opened, so why didn’t you write me back? I think you’re bella!” yeah, whatev dude, feeling’s not mutual, take a hint!

    May 28, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   claw71 bang

      Guys aren’t good at taking hints. By not responding he thought you were hinting that he should be more forward. If you really want to brush a guy off you have to be direct and do it in away that doesn’t fracture our egos.

      Try to work these into your rejection:

      I only date guys with Hep C. I don’t want to ruin another life.

      I won’t start dating until after the baby is born.

      I only date black guys.

      Are you familiar with the term “cuckold”?

      I’d love to go out with you but only until my husband gets out of prison.

      Ever since I was gang raped by those HIV positive bikers I’ve been a lesbian.

      I’m mormon.

      Another great way to send guys running is to talk to them a little bit. Tell them that you love how controlling your mom is and how you can’t wait to have babies. Lots and lots of babies. One after the other. Tell him about your wedding plans and how you just want to be a stay at home mom so you never miss a breast feeding. Tell him that everytime you have sex you imagine how great it would feel to have a baby coming out down there.

      If that doesn’t work, go out on one date. Have him take off his pants and just laugh. Laugh hysterically and ask him if you can post a pic of his sorry little penis on Flikr so your friends can see.

      May 28, 2009 at 12:50 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.2   mew

      thanks Claw, I’ll def try some of these next time :)

      May 28, 2009 at 1:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.3   mamason bang

      Just work in “def” and “whatev” into the conversation whenev you can. That will def work. ;-)

      May 28, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.4   park rose

      You’ve locked it in, Mama. I guess you’re Italian, no? I think you’re bella, and you know it (that I think you’re bella, that is) ;)

      May 28, 2009 at 2:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.5   Brunogirl

      Or – you can talk insessantly about your updating habits for your wedding planning album ala Monica Gellar. That should scare any heterosexual male away.

      Bringing out hideous wallpaper swatches for potential apartment decor options is also a sure hit. Carry them in your pocket and it’ll just work even better on a date.

      “Oh wait, I know it’s just our first date, but I’ve always wanted my kitchen to have this wallpaper; what do you think?”

      *whips out a red/magenta rose patterned wallpaper swatch from 1968* :)

      *crickets*

      ;)

      May 28, 2009 at 2:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.6   mew

      lol, mamason, unfortunately, I can’t bring myself to talk like that, I would cringe…I type that way bc I’m lazy :) p.s. u should c the way I text!

      May 28, 2009 at 3:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.7   Diane

      Maybe he thinks you’re that chick from the Twilight series. To test, you can just tell him “bite me”, then see what happens.

      May 28, 2009 at 8:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #50.8   turtlesarefancy

      omg… was the Italian guy’s name John??? Same here girlfriend – same here!

      Jun 5, 2009 at 3:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #51   oi!

    I don’t understand, why women do not like me! They say women love intelligent, sensitive man but who also takes charge. I am complete package baby! I know how match.com works (smart, right?), I am offended if somebody does not contact me(sensitive, ain’t I?) and I give them free tips about how to date a man(I am always in control, sweety!). What more can women possibly wish for in a guy?
    I know they are bunch of hypocrites. They pretend they want a nice guy but actually they love assholes only. I hate them, I hate them all!
    oooh this one is howt! I bet she would not be crazy like others and will be grateful to have perfect guy like me.

    May 28, 2009 at 12:40 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   Susan

    Is it just me, or is everyone else tempted to sign up to match.com just to get more of this kind of thing? Hilarious! I too would love to see his profile.

    May 28, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #52.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I’m afraid he might see that I viewed his profile and start harrassing me to date him.

      May 28, 2009 at 3:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #53   Tamara

    Have you guys seen this?

    http://www.torontorealmen.com

    May 28, 2009 at 4:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #53.1   aaa

      Check #42. Not that site specifically, but the same douche.

      May 28, 2009 at 4:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #54   Joeygirl

    psycho.

    May 28, 2009 at 9:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   ctw1966

    That is WAY creepy.

    May 29, 2009 at 2:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   CanadianDot

    I’m assuming he’s the guy that then decides that you two are going to get married, and he’ll be allowed to chain you to the stove when he goes to work, to make sure you never leave him.

    May 29, 2009 at 12:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Army of DOuche-ness

    yeah, I wouldnt do online dating cuz I’d be a neurotic freak like this. Gotta keep things in person where I can see em.

    May 29, 2009 at 12:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #57.1   Anonymous Public

      I appreciate your ability to admit that

      Jun 1, 2009 at 3:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #58   Livvie

    Wow. That’s just hugely special and self absorbed. I wonder if he even understands how the internet works.

    May 29, 2009 at 10:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   katie

    Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.

    May 30, 2009 at 9:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   The Commish

    He doesn’t come off as much “needy” as he does “creepy” with mother issues. Sounds like a typical woman hater who ends up beating his mate.

    Jun 1, 2009 at 3:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #60.1   calamitious by proxy

      I suspect that he starts with the beating and moves on to sharp implements at the second “date”.

      Jun 2, 2009 at 4:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #60.2   Anonymous Public

      Completely over-reacting.

      You’re also dumb bitches.

      The AP

      Jun 4, 2009 at 11:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #60.3   Beanster bang

      hi friend. several new notes to pollute. don’t you relate to those?

      Jun 4, 2009 at 12:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #60.4   Anonymous Public

      I “pollute” nothing. I bring the hand of justice when it goes un-checked.

      the other notes, especially the one with Twitter, are self-serving and need no comment.

      Jun 4, 2009 at 1:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #60.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      In other words, you can’t think of any thing to say..No shame in that.

      Jun 4, 2009 at 1:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #60.6   Sirius¤ bang

      As are your comments.

      Oops

      Jun 4, 2009 at 1:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #61   Anonymous Public

    @ mamarilla-

    Nice LCD humour. You should probably take my lead as an example…

    Jun 4, 2009 at 1:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   princess norrain bang

    this guy sounds like the bunch of losers i encountered on the plenty of fish website; they all think they’re god’s gift to women.

    plenty of fish should change it’s name to plenty of freaks, btw…

    Jun 5, 2009 at 12:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #63   calyx

    Wow, ANOTHER male with entitlement issues towards women! Not a big step towards thinking no means yes for sex as well as dating!

    They learn it in the cradle. Women don’t think and exist independently of men in their world view.

    Jun 5, 2009 at 12:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #63.1   Anonymous Public

      I’m a woman, retard.

      Jun 5, 2009 at 11:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #64   turtlesarefancy

    I’m about 99.9% sure I dated this guy for a while. Total needy psycho. Doesn’t take breakups well either. Sad, sad dude.

    Jun 5, 2009 at 3:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #65   textbook dmitri

    [...] related: not a match [...]

    Aug 12, 2009 at 10:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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