There’s a guilt trip…
and then there’s a guilt trip.
related: Your hamster died? Well, I can top that.
blowing smoke
May 28th, 2009 · 341 comments
FILED UNDER: guilt trip · new york · nice stationery · oakland · odor · thanks (but not really)
There’s a guilt trip…
and then there’s a guilt trip.
related: Your hamster died? Well, I can top that.
FILED UNDER: guilt trip · new york · nice stationery · oakland · odor · thanks (but not really)
341 responses so far ↓
#1
Canthz_B
No barbecuing because of 9-11?
It looks like the terrorists have won.
We can’t have the 4th of July cookout anymore.
May 28, 2009 at 9:52 pm rating: +126
#2
ABF
wow. once you mention 9/11 it’s all over. If anyone BBQs after that note, they’re a huge douchebag.
May 28, 2009 at 9:56 pm rating: +31
#3
unholyghost2003
Ummm What is the FDNY going to do? Probably nothing … Grilling is not generally illegal … even in NYC.
May 28, 2009 at 9:57 pm rating: +17
#4
Canthz_B
Yep, cooking over coals produces carcinogenic smoke.
That’s what killed the cavemen off!
May 28, 2009 at 9:58 pm rating: +12
#5
Summer
The best part about that top note is the Hello Kitty stationary. It says “I’m really a nice, sweet person. Really. Even though I just accused you of giving me cancer!”
May 28, 2009 at 10:02 pm rating: +45
#6
anglophile
Damn. Now I have an urge to take up smoking. Right under the neighbor’s bedroom window.
May 28, 2009 at 10:09 pm rating: +3
#7
Summer (A Different Summer)
Yes, the Hello Kitty paper is *fabulous*.
I like how the second note insults the barbequer – “this is the BIG city”, not some small town where cooking outside is ok…
May 28, 2009 at 10:17 pm rating: +16
#8
Canthz_B
I’ll bet that before 9-11, the note writer happily grilled summer evenings away without a care in the world about the old guy on the block with emphysema, or the kids with asthma.
Now, flush with cash from our Patriotic Pity-Party Payment Plan, he wants us all to accommodate him for life.
May 28, 2009 at 10:35 pm rating: +27
#9
leftfoot
well.. at least they aren’t complaining about cooking deal animals… I guess.
May 28, 2009 at 10:38 pm rating: +5
#10
raiseyourglass
Neither one would have bitched if you offered them to partake in the food.
Just curious is there a smoking ban in New York like there is in Illinois?
May 28, 2009 at 10:43 pm rating: +3
#11
Commentator
From: the barbecuer
To: my dear neighbors
No, you were NOT invited. Get over it.
P.S. it was yummy
May 28, 2009 at 10:45 pm rating: +26
#12
oi!
The FDNY will be contacted.
Hah! Passive voice in PAN. It’s almost like orgasm.
May 28, 2009 at 10:54 pm rating: +16
#13
oi!
Get this: FDNY can’t breathe either. hmm never knew that. Ah! wisdom of PAN
May 28, 2009 at 10:56 pm rating: +6
#14
WWJD
WWFDNYD?
WWHKD?
May 28, 2009 at 11:01 pm rating: +1
#15
stickman
WWFDNYD? They probably would throw a couple of steaks on the grill. Firefighters love fire!
What is WWHKD??
May 28, 2009 at 11:08 pm rating: +1
#16
oi!
The second note writer makes first note writer look like a saint.
May 28, 2009 at 11:36 pm rating: +9
#17
oi!
The second note is power note: guilt trip, condescension, direct order and threat all in a single note that too in a third person and passive voice. I believe to write a perfect PAN is true form of an art.
May 28, 2009 at 11:40 pm rating: +11
#18
foreverSunset
Hey neighbors, how about you close your windows, get air conditioning, and mind your own damn business? Thanks!
May 29, 2009 at 12:23 am rating: +5
#19
mamason
My neighbors called the fire department when I fired up the grill one beautiful late spring evening. It was on my patio and apparently against one fire code or another. 3 big, strapping, young firemen knocked on my door and said they had received a complaint and would have to extinguish the fire because I was in fact, breaking the law. With as much southern sugar as I could muster, I very innocently asked them what the penalty was. Would they all need to hose me down or what? I will never forget the looks on their faces. I didn’t get a ticket.
May 29, 2009 at 12:44 am rating: +39
#20
Sarah
My neighbor starts with phlegmy hacking as soon as my dad lights up his pipe in our backyard or starts up the grill. We live in a residential neighborhood.
He also smashed our taillight one time because he’s a psycho.
May 29, 2009 at 1:17 am rating: +7
#21
cee
BBQing isn’t allowed on the balconies of my condo building at all, I thought that was a common thing?
May 29, 2009 at 1:20 am rating: +3
#22
TheOldSchool
The folks who received the first note should send the note writer a barbecued Hello Kitty doll, along with a side of STFU salad.
May 29, 2009 at 1:46 am rating: +14
#23
Kookaburra
Ha ha, I’m a volunteer firefighter with a rural department. ALL FREAKIN’ MEMORIAL DAY we got call after call for “smoke in the area”. Gee, I wonder what people could possibly be doing on a patriotic holiday that would produce smoke?!
Fortunately, all of the cookouts we ended up crashing (we do have to investigate every complaint to make sure it’s not a real fire) were willing to share.
May 29, 2009 at 2:36 am rating: +27
#24
Belle
First guilt trip ever printed on Hello Kitty paper too! Wow….I love BBQ!
May 29, 2009 at 2:47 am rating: +3
#25
anglophile
WTFBBQ!!!1!!!111!111!!!eleventy-one!!!!
May 29, 2009 at 5:42 am rating: +8
#26
Joe
Hello Kitty stationery, 9/11 invocations, and cancer hyperbole aside, I’m with the notewriters. Here in Maryland, it’s illegal to barbecue within 10 feet of a building. I don’t know where the first note is from, but I checked NY, and the law is the same. (PDF link)
But even aside from the law, it’s unsafe. And it’s unbelievably rude to fill your neighbors’ apartments with smoke just so you can wrap your mouth around a good, thick bratwurst. (Really, you should just come over to my place instead.) Granted, I imagine the barbecuers were unaware, but that’s what the notes are for.
Team Call-the-Fire-Department!
May 29, 2009 at 8:30 am rating: +3
#27
claw71
That’s funny, I never figured Dick Cheney would be opposed to a little ‘cue.
May 29, 2009 at 8:41 am rating: +1
#28
claw71
That second note makes me wonder if New Yorkers are secretly grateful that the terrorists picked New York as a target. It’s the ultimate trump card in the game of oneupsmanship New Yorkers have always loved to play.
Yeah, traffic in LA is pretty bad but not as bad as traffic in Midtown was on 9-11. Fuhgetaboudit.
I remember that big earthquake. During the World Series, right? That must have been scary. Hey! You know what else was scary? 9-11! Now give me my fucking pity party.
May 29, 2009 at 9:15 am rating: +30
#29
gdad
One reason I don’t live anywhere near the city. I cook outside 4-5 times a week and the only thing I hear from my neighbor 1/4 mile away is “it sure smelt great last night”. We are also use to having fires by the pool on cooler New England summer nights. Saturday is planked Salmon and Shrimp cooked by the fire.I am wondering if the Hello Kity note paper is frightening to any one else here.
Team Burn Baby Burn
May 29, 2009 at 9:25 am rating: +9
#30
Mishee™
I like to smoke people out too.
Then we usually eat BBQ….
And Cheetos…
And ice cream…
And a Snickers bar…
May 29, 2009 at 9:31 am rating: +15
#31
Meesh
Smoke seeps through walls and closed windows? So do you think my mom knew I was smoking pot in my room, even though I exhaled through the paper towel roll stuffed with dryer sheets?
May 29, 2009 at 9:43 am rating: +5
#32
andipandi
team bbq. the city is filled with people doing things you may not like, get used to it.
May 29, 2009 at 9:55 am rating: +11
#33
T
I’m just amused by the PAN-writer’s logic that smoke is something allowable exclusively in the suburbs. People move here to the big city for the clean air, obviously.
May 29, 2009 at 10:05 am rating: +45
#34
Yum!
That BBQ’d Hello Kitty was fucking delicious!
May 29, 2009 at 10:29 am rating: +2
#35
GhostWriter
I will stop barbequing when:
• Apartment 9 buys a baby diaper sealer machine, so the hallway doesn’t reek of babyshit,
• Apartment 11 stops cooking with curry,
• Apartment 13 gets rid of at least three of those feral cats that rule the fire escape,
• Apartment 15 replaces that soggy, wretched doormat,
• Apartment 17 quits cooking microwave popcorn,
• Apartment 19 throws out those skater sneakers left by the front door…
…in short, I live with your stench, now- live with mine.
May 29, 2009 at 10:51 am rating: +31
#36
monstrosity
STOP BARBECUING YOUR KILLING ANTHONY GROSSO
THANK YOU TERRY
May 29, 2009 at 11:15 am rating: +14
#37
park rose
This is not the suburbs but a block of apt blogs in the big city. Oh, it’s all getting so meta.
May 29, 2009 at 11:29 am rating: +4
#38
FridrihLop
Good article, the advertisment is sold?
May 29, 2009 at 11:47 am rating: +1
#39
Mishee™
I just noticed the tags which states the Hello Kitty note is from Oakland.
Doesn’t this note writer realize the dangers of trying to separate an Oakland resident from his BBQ?
They should be expecting gunshots at their door any day now…
May 29, 2009 at 11:58 am rating: +3
#40
MAMARILLA2
Wait..You mean to say that they did not go out on the balcony and scream down to the offenders in stereotypical NY fashion.
May 29, 2009 at 12:04 pm rating: +2
#41
Jess727
Seriously? The barbeque? One freaking day? Maybe a few hours here and there – right?
I hope that a chain smoker moves in next door to these whiners. I lived next to a couple who chain smoked inside for a year and it was hellish. All my clothes smelled like smoke, not to mention my apartment! I also got pneumonia twice so that was cool too!
May 29, 2009 at 12:55 pm rating: 0
#42
tahall62
I just loved the 9/11 references.
“You’re either with us, or you’re with the barbequers.”
May 29, 2009 at 1:04 pm rating: +10
#43
MW
Dear Self-Appointed Hero,
No one told you to run into a smoke-filled burning building with no protection over your face. Your stupidity will not affect my lifestyle. Please read your lease.
Love,
Neighbor Who Can Breathe
May 29, 2009 at 1:41 pm rating: +4
#44
BlackKristos
Barbequers hate Freedom(TM).
May 29, 2009 at 1:54 pm rating: +4
#45
Cordelia
The barbecuers should put an oxygen mask in a big Omaha Steak box and leave it in front of the note writer’s door.
May 29, 2009 at 3:55 pm rating: +1
#46
largirl
Is 9-11 the new Goodwin’s Law?
May 29, 2009 at 5:32 pm rating: +6
#47
fluffy8u
The note writers are right, but for a different reason: BBQ smells are annoying if you’re sitting on the couch with a frozen dinner watching old “I Love Lucy” reruns while the smell of ribs, pulled pork, and barbecue chicken wafts up to your window… and your stomach longs for a plate of all that and baked beans, burnt ends, and creamy potato salad, to sit outside and chat with friends, letting the nice cool breeze rush past you as you reach for another corn-on-the-cob and perhaps some of that deep red watermelon you have been eyein’…. oh… I loathe BBQers…
May 29, 2009 at 7:19 pm rating: +11