Entries from May 2009
Writes our submitter in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia: “A local candidate for county commissioner claimed that he was going to run the county like he runs his businesses.” (You know: straight talk, no bullshit, that kind of thing.)
So, if you were a Jefferson County voter, what would be your take on the guy based on this sign, from the dumpster area at one of his rental properties? Destined for law-making, right?
related: What is about dog shit that pushes Brooklynites over the edge?
Tags: fuck fuckity fuck fuck · garbage · landlords and property managers · West Virginia
Our anonymous submitter found this on his keyboard at work one morning. His sheepish explanation? “I guess I really get into the music on my iPod…”
Admittedly, the note-writer has a point — that shit is annoying, yo! — but the contrarian in me still thinks the rest of the office needs to chip in and get our submitter a set of these.
related: Suck on this!
Tags: Arizona · music · noise · office · Scottsdale
Writes Chris in Riverside, California: “My friend Eric essentially has a LAN center in his garage. Cigarettes and energy drinks are the diet of choice and we (usually 5 to 7 people lanning there at any given time) piss on his fence so we don’t flush the toilet too many times over the evening. He woke up one morning with this note from his mother.”
I’d say Eric got off pretty easy, no?
related: WoW, indeed
Tags: actually totally reasonable · California · Moms & Dads · piss · smoking · toilet
Simone in Austin says a coworker at her office invited several people over to a house for a game night, and helpfully distributed hand-drawn maps to help people find their way. Later that day, she found of those hand-outs back on her desk, along with the following bit of anonymous feedback. What a peach!
related: Silent protest
extra credit: The Hand-drawn Maps Association
Tags: CAPS LOCK · just an asshole · office · unsolicited feedback
So, I pretty much have a policy of not posting notes submitted by the people who wrote them. I made an exception for this one because I think the really passive-aggressive part of the story is the behavior that inspired it. You might disagree. Nonetheless — on to the backstory, from an anonymous dad in Cary, North Carolina:
My daughter attends a friend’s house for child care two days a week. For the past few days, the lady watching her has been checking my daughter’s clothing tags and telling her she needs to wear “the size of her age.” (“Since you’re 4 years old, you need to wear size 4,” etc.) This person has never said anything to me or her mother — just the child.
This was making my daughter worry unnecessarily about her clothes, so I decided to step in. When I asked my daughter if she had her tags checked that day, she said yes — but we’ve never had another incident of tag-checking since.
related: you’re toast
Tags: Moms & Dads · MYOB · North Carolina
I’m having a hard time deciding who in this group of geniuses most deserves a smack in the head first. To make it easier, I’m going to tell myself that Krystal is using some new kind of ironic dialect of homophone-swapping slang. And Jennalyn…well, her name is Jennalyn, and therefore I think it’s safe to assume she’s gotten the short end of the stick so far in life, so she gets a pass. But the other three?
P.S. Notice the date! (tear)
related: Reason #784 why you should never list your relationship status in your facebook profile
Tags: breakup · ex drama · Facebook · kids today · oh no you didn't
Spotted above the office “water cooler” by “Josh” in Boston…
related: And all the pieces matter
Tags: Boston · office · unnecessary "quotation marks" · water · you know who you are
D in Sunderland, Mass. received a piece of her previous manager’s mail several months after he was fired.
“I felt it was only right to contact him about a membership directory for an organization with which he was heavily involved,” she says. “I was genuinely shocked to receive his reply, especially considering how careful he was to never put anything in print that could possibly damage his reputation as ‘an internationally published poet.’”
Hi [redacted], Your NEIBA Membership directory arrived at the store today. (I got your email from the listing.) Would you like to come pick it up, or should I recycle it. John says you are working on a play. I hope it comes out well. Please let me know if it is performed in the area – I would like to see it. Have a great day!
Please recycle the directory. A copy of the directory was mailed to me at my home address. Also, please do not contact me again. You are certainly not my friend, my colleague, or even an old acquaintance. Thank you for refraining from making any further contact with me.
related: awkward cake
Tags: e-mail · Massachusetts · thanks (but not really)
Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence:
1. Assuming the thief who stole your bike is schooled in Italian neorealism; appealing to said thief’s desire to be one of the cool kids.
2. Feigning empathy for said thief.
3. Chiding said thief for his stupidity via a barely legible run-on sentence without double-checking “you’re” grammar first.
(Grazie mille to Nadia in Melbourne, Chris in Amsterdam, and Tom in London for submitting!)
related: No, Daddy, I asked for a Wii!
Tags: Amsterdam · Australia · bicycle · London · Melbourne · public shaming · stealing · your/you're
Writes our anonymous submitter: “I’m the oldest of four girls, none of whom are living at home. In fact, we’re all currently living in different states. My mom resents the fact that we don’t want to spend the rest of our lives living under her roof. On Mother’s Day she screened my call, then mass-texted all four of us this gem. Happy Mother’s day, Mom!!”
Meanwhile, Stephen in Spain thought he was being considerate by waiting until later in the day to call, given the six-hour time difference. Next year, he’ll know to wake his Mom up at 4 a.m. to show her JUST HOW MUCH HE CARES!
related: Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have
Tags: e-mail · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · Mother's Day · text message