Entries from May 2009

Your are welcome to our home

May 22nd, 2009 · 156 Comments

Writes Linda in Austin, Texas: “This note popped up a few months ago on my downstairs neighbor’s door, but I didn’t take a look at it until now.” But how much longer will it be before she garners an invite from this gracious host?

your are welcome to our home

related: why you don’t want to go to b-school, in two words

Tags: Austin · CAPS LOCK · neighbors · spelling and grammar police

XOXO, Your landlord

May 20th, 2009 · 210 Comments

Writes our submitter in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia: “A local candidate for county commissioner claimed that he was going to run the county like he runs his businesses.” (You know: straight talk, no bullshit, that kind of thing.)

So, if you were a Jefferson County voter, what would be your take on the guy based on this sign, from the dumpster area at one of his rental properties? Destined for law-making, right?

To my renters: Put your fucking trash out on Mondays only! Your Landlord

related: What is about dog shit that pushes Brooklynites over the edge?

Tags: fuck fuckity fuck fuck · garbage · landlords and property managers · West Virginia

Tap tap revenge

May 19th, 2009 · 158 Comments

Our anonymous submitter found this on his keyboard at work one morning. His sheepish explanation? “I guess I really get into the music on my iPod…”

Admittedly, the note-writer has a point — that shit is annoying, yo! — but the contrarian in me still thinks the rest of the office needs to chip in and get our submitter a set of these.

Please stop tapping your pencil and or pen on your desk....It is annoyingly disruptive to concentration...

related: Suck on this!

Tags: Arizona · music · noise · office · Scottsdale

If she were really passive-aggressive, she’d get the fence secretly electrified

May 18th, 2009 · 170 Comments

Writes Chris in Riverside, California: “My friend Eric essentially has a LAN center in his garage. Cigarettes and energy drinks are the diet of choice and we (usually 5 to 7 people lanning there at any given time) piss on his fence so we don’t flush the toilet too many times over the evening. He woke up one morning with this note from his mother.”

I’d say Eric got off pretty easy, no?

ERIC - PICK UP THE CIGARETTE BUTTS! NOW & do not piss on the fence! That is so Disrespectful to me & this house! What the hell Eric! There is a bathroom right thru the door! USE IT.

related: WoW, indeed

Tags: actually totally reasonable · California · Moms & Dads · piss · smoking · toilet

Taboo: the game of unspeakable douchebaggery

May 17th, 2009 · 254 Comments

Simone in Austin says a coworker at her office invited several people over to a house for a game night, and helpfully distributed hand-drawn maps to help people find their way. Later that day, she found of those hand-outs back on her desk, along with the following bit of anonymous feedback. What a peach!

What is this? Haven't you heard of MapQuest?

related: Silent protest

extra credit: The Hand-drawn Maps Association

Tags: CAPS LOCK · just an asshole · office · unsolicited feedback

Is your babysitter trying to get in your kid’s pants?

May 15th, 2009 · 337 Comments

So, I pretty much have a policy of not posting notes submitted by the people who wrote them. I made an exception for this one because I think the really passive-aggressive part of the story is the behavior that inspired it. You might disagree. Nonetheless — on to the backstory, from an anonymous dad in Cary, North Carolina:

My daughter attends a friend’s house for child care two days a week.  For the past few days, the lady watching her has been checking my daughter’s clothing tags and telling her she needs to wear “the size of her age.” (“Since you’re 4 years old, you need to wear size 4,” etc.)  This person has never said anything to me or her mother — just the child.

This was making my daughter worry unnecessarily about her clothes, so I decided to step in. When I asked my daughter if she had her tags checked that day, she said yes — but we’ve never had another incident of tag-checking since.

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

related: you’re toast

Tags: Moms & Dads · MYOB · North Carolina

Perfect for each other

May 14th, 2009 · 204 Comments

I’m having a hard time deciding who in this group of geniuses most deserves a smack in the head first. To make it easier, I’m going to tell myself that Krystal is using some new kind of ironic dialect of homophone-swapping slang. And Jennalyn…well, her name is Jennalyn, and therefore I think it’s safe to assume she’s gotten the short end of the stick so far in life, so she gets a pass. But the other three?

you guys are great together

P.S. Notice the date! (tear)

related: Reason #784 why you should never list your relationship status in your facebook profile

Tags: breakup · ex drama · Facebook · kids today · oh no you didn't

So…the water cooler’s hosting rainbow parties again?

May 13th, 2009 · 155 Comments

Spotted above the office “water cooler” by “Josh” in Boston…

I can't believe the amount of 'pink' lipstick that was removed from the water spout. Please be more considerate of others. You know who you are!

related: And all the pieces matter

Tags: Boston · office · unnecessary "quotation marks" · water · you know who you are

No good deed…

May 12th, 2009 · 300 Comments

D in Sunderland, Mass. received a piece of her previous manager’s mail several months after he was fired.

“I felt it was only right to contact him about a membership directory for an organization with which he was heavily involved,” she says. “I was genuinely shocked to receive his reply, especially considering how careful he was to never put anything in print that could possibly damage his reputation as ‘an internationally published poet.’”

Hi [redacted], Your NEIBA Membership directory arrived at the store today. (I got your email from the listing. Would you like to come pick it up, or should I recycle it. John says you are working on a play. I hope it comes out well. Please let me know if it is performed in the area - I would like to see it. Have a great day!

Hi [redacted], Your NEIBA Membership directory arrived at the store today. (I got your email from the listing.) Would you like to come pick it up, or should I recycle it. John says you are working on a play. I hope it comes out well. Please let me know if it is performed in the area – I would like to see it. Have a great day!

no good deed...

Please recycle the directory. A copy of the directory was mailed to me at my home address. Also, please do not contact me again. You are certainly not my friend, my colleague, or even an old acquaintance. Thank you for refraining from making any further contact with me.

related: awkward cake

Tags: e-mail · Massachusetts · thanks (but not really)

Ladri di biciclette

May 11th, 2009 · 194 Comments

Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence:

1. Assuming the thief who stole your bike is schooled in Italian neorealism; appealing to said thief’s desire to be one of the cool kids.

This is not post-war Italy. Stealing bikes is not cool.

2. Feigning empathy for said thief.

Dear bike thief, I am very sorry that circumstances in your life led you to need to steal my bike. I hope that taking it had helped you to get your life back on track. Good luck. Love, a friend [response] Thanks, chap! Don't worry - doing fine, the bike is terrific, hello from me mates. Later, bicycle thief

3. Chiding said thief for his stupidity via a barely legible run-on sentence without double-checking “you’re” grammar first.

STUPID BIKE THIEF YOUR [sic] RUBBISH NOW NOW ONE CAN USE THE BIKE SHAME ON YOU TRYING TO STEAL

(Grazie mille to Nadia in Melbourne, Chris in Amsterdam, and Tom in London for submitting!)

related: No, Daddy, I asked for a Wii!

Tags: Amsterdam · Australia · bicycle · London · Melbourne · public shaming · stealing · your/you're