I’m having a hard time deciding who in this group of geniuses most deserves a smack in the head first. To make it easier, I’m going to tell myself that Krystal is using some new kind of ironic dialect of homophone-swapping slang. And Jennalyn…well, her name is Jennalyn, and therefore I think it’s safe to assume she’s gotten the short end of the stick so far in life, so she gets a pass. But the other three?

P.S. Notice the date! (tear)

related: reason #784 why you should never list your relationship status in your facebook profile

Spotted above the office “water cooler” by “Josh” in Boston…

related: and all the pieces matter

D in Sunderland, Mass. received a piece of her previous manager’s mail several months after he was fired. “I felt it was only right to contact him about a membership directory for an organization with which he was heavily involved,” she says. “I was genuinely shocked to receive his reply, especially considering how careful he was to never put anything in print that could possibly damage his reputation as ‘an internationally published poet.’”

related: awkward cake

Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence:

1. Assuming the thief who stole your bike is schooled in Italian neorealism; appealing to said thief’s desire to be one of the cool kids.

2. Feigning empathy for said thief.

3. Chiding said thief for his stupidity via a barely legible run-on sentence without double-checking “you’re” grammar first.

(Grazie mille to Nadia in Melbourne, Chris in Amsterdam, and Tom in London for submitting!)

related: No, Daddy, I asked for a Wii!

Writes our anonymous submitter: “I’m the oldest of four girls, none of whom are living at home. In fact, we’re all currently living in different states. My mom resents the fact that we don’t want to spend the rest of our lives living under her roof. On Mother’s Day she screened my call, then mass-texted all four of us this gem. Happy Mother’s day, Mom!!”

Meanwhile, Stephen in Spain thought he was being considerate by waiting until later in the day to call, given the six-hour time difference. Next year, he’ll know to wake his Mom up at 4 a.m. to show her JUST HOW MUCH HE CARES!

related: Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have