Entries from June 2009

I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

June 30th, 2009 · 223 Comments

This martyr alert spotted by Randy on the breakroom fridge of his office in Chico, California…

thanks a HELL of a lot for using almost ALL of my new half & half!! Now I, who gets up at 3 am to be here by 4:45 and drives almost 45 minutes w/o coffee, won't get ANY

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: California · coffee · martyr complex · milk · office fridge · thanks (but not really)

Repestect yourself

June 29th, 2009 · 159 Comments

Presenting the winner of the creative spelling (and spacing) of the year award, spotted by Rob in the recently-painted elevator of his Brooklyn apartment building. It has a lovely lyric quality to it, no?

If you like to do graphity, dont do it. Pull your pants down and graphity your ass. Repestect this building and if you dont repect it do it in your own building. This is not Prospect Park. This building is being recorded 24/7 and if your taped, you will go to jail. Do not right back on this paper knock on Apt 2B if you don't like this message. -Management

related: Your are welcome to our home

Tags: bizarro spacing · Brooklyn · CAPS LOCK · elevator · graffiti · landlords and property managers · most popular notes of 2009 · now that's management · runaway run-on sentences · spelling and grammar police · the po-po · your/you're

One can only hope you won’t be giving the wedding toast

June 28th, 2009 · 85 Comments

At a recent wedding that Allison in Ealeigh, N.C. attended, the bride asked that, instead of signing a guestbook, wedding guests write their wishes for the couple on fabric squares that would later be made into a memory quilt. When Allison saw this one sitting on top, she couldn’t resist snapping a photo.

One can only hope you saved yourself for your wedding night

related: Taboo, the game of unsolicited douchebaggery

Tags: love & marriage · North Carolina · sex sex sex · unsolicited feedback

And those Cheetos were my baby’s yellow dye #6

June 26th, 2009 · 90 Comments

This all-staff e-mail is like a fetus-sized version of one of my favorite self-righteous masterpieces. (How this one got buried in my inbox for so long, I have no idea.)

It comes to us courtesy of Jennifer in Chapel Hill, N.C., who notes: “In this instance, ‘local users,’ is everyone in our corporate HQ — including the president, vice presidents, directors, legal counsel, etc., who don’t typically utilize the refrigerator in the staff break room.”

You are welcome!

related: It must have been a pretty big bite

extra credit: STFU, Parents

 

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Moms & Dads · North Carolina · office · office fridge · preggers · runaway run-on sentences · stealing · yogurt

Make an effing wish

June 25th, 2009 · 93 Comments

Rachel spotted this on a frat house fridge in Champaign, Illinois, adding: “Said fridge was indeed revolting.”

I wish Babler would clean the f*cking fridge!

Meanwhile, Helen swiped this from an equally revolting frat house in Vancouver. Adds Helen: “The reason why it is so ripped up is because a frat boy saw me steal the note and we fought for it for a while.”

NO DUDES ON THE POLE - You will break it and hurt and embarrass yourself

related: How hazing rituals are born

Tags: Canada · cleaning · college life · fratboys · fridge · roommates · Vancouver

Subtle on the nose, with an oddly cloying finish

June 24th, 2009 · 56 Comments

Writes Devra in San Luis Obispo, California: “I’m visiting my parents in Napa, where they both work at wineries. They recently found out that I smoke cigarettes, and though I’m sure they disapprove, there has been little to no discussion on the matter. My mom wanted me to go with her to a tasting today, so she printed out directions from Google Maps with this note written on it. I found it waiting on my bedside table when I woke up.”

They don't like strong perfume or smoke odor in tasting room :) See you! Mom

related: And pull up your pants!

Tags: Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes · odor · smiley · smoking

When Internet memes go wrong IRL

June 24th, 2009 · 115 Comments

Spotted by Ressa’s brother during his travels through America…

(This is one of those where the passive-aggressive part isn’t the note itself.)

Please do you not put anything on my cat anymore! Shadow is a little black short-haired cat. Someone keeps tying green plastic around his neck! He will only remove it later! We have put several collars on Shadow, but he loses them. And I do not want him to get caught on something and not be able to get himself free. Shadow lives at 14 Darrell Place. He's really friendly and won't hurt you, so please be nice to him! Thanks

related: Passive-allergic

extra credit: stuffonmycat.com

Tags: actually totally reasonable · cats · neighbors · New York

Consider this!!!

June 23rd, 2009 · 121 Comments

Evan in San Diego spotted this bilingual warning in a local thrift shop. “I particularly enjoy the vaguely racist implication of the Spanish translation,” Evan adds. “It’s the only sign in the store (among dozens) that’s en espanol.”

Si te robas algo de esta tienda, es lo mismo que robar de alguien que esta infectado con SIDA. Fijate!!! Stealing from this shop is the same as stealing from people with AIDS. Consider this!!!

related: When nature calls

 

Si te robas algo de esta tienda, es lo mismo que robar de alguien que esta infectado con SIDA. Fijate!!! Stealing from this shop is the same as stealing from people with AIDS. Consider this!!!

Tags: Espanol · guilt trip · oh no you didn't · questionable logic · retail hell · San Diego · stealing

Soyf*ckers Anonymous

June 22nd, 2009 · 358 Comments

Spotted by our anonymous (and uninvolved) submitter on the office bulletin board at a “super mega corp” in Columbus, Ohio…where apparently a vegan “safe space” is, um, kind of in order (sob).

Vegan? Vegan, vegetarian or vegan-curious?  Casual, non-judgemental support & opportunities to connect!  Monthly meetups within the community.  JOIN NOW! The Columbus Vegan Meetup Group  Carnivore? Chances are you don't need some wimpy support group. Keep being AWESOME!

related: P.S. bacon is life

extra credit: Passive-aggressive vegan grocery cashier, a day in the life [McSweeneys]

P.S. Like this post? See more like this by following @panotes on Twitter, on Facebook, or via RSS!

Tags: clip art catastrophe · Columbus · food · most popular notes of 2009 · office · smartass

Happy reinforcing gender stereotypes day!

June 21st, 2009 · 113 Comments

Writes Jim in Colorado: “When I attempt to cook, I typically use way too many pots, pans and utensils and sometimes tend to skip instructions. (I actually made hard-boiled eggs and set the smoke detectors off.) Anyway, the other night I made cheeseburger pie and forgot to precook the meat. I woke up the next morning and found this on the refrigerator.” </laugh track> Oh, dad!

FOOD DAD IS ALLOWED TO COOK: Hot dogs, hamburgers, grilled cheese, nuggets, pre-bagged meals, fast food, BBQ or grill, Mac + cheese, Deli stuff. FOOD DAD IS NOT ALLOWED TO COOK: Anything that requires more than 3 ingredients

related: No reading required, kids

FOOD DAD IS ALLOWED TO COOK: Hot dogs, hamburgers, grilled cheese, nuggets, pre-bagged meals, fast food, BBQ or grill, Mac + cheese, Deli stuff. FOOD DAD IS NOT ALLOWED TO COOK: Anything that requires more than 3 ingredients

Tags: food · kitchen · Moms & Dads