Writes Mike in Seattle: “I work in a large in-house call center for a giant of the aerospace industry. My office has 50 to 75 technical support folks, many of whom can be somewhat…less than hygienic. Following a rash of uncharacteristically hot days, this note showed up in the mens’ room, accompanied by a bottle of Axe.”
240 responses so far ↓
#1
eve
i love the smell of nerds!
Jun 5, 2009 at 9:37 am rating: +2
#2
Rachet
It wasn’t bad until the Top Gun picture and quote were added.
Then again, most body sprays smell terrible. They seem to make the B.O. smell even worse. I’d rather just ask the person to please go away from my office/cubicle/desk/etc. Or I’d immediately grab my phone and act like I’m super busy if they start towards my work area. (And pray the phone doesn’t actually ring while doing all this feigning-a-phone-call.)
Jun 5, 2009 at 9:50 am rating: +5
#3
CS harmonikah
It’s a nice effort but i don’t think it’s a good idea.I went to an art school and the halls were flooded with the smell of unwashed hippie covered in body spray. The combination of smells was horrible. It still haunts my dreams.
Jun 5, 2009 at 9:57 am rating: +23
#4
Joe
I would have thought complimentary body spray would be more positive, not tell the user that he stinks. But maybe I’ve heard one too many (i.e., one) beer nuts jokes.
Jun 5, 2009 at 9:57 am rating: +2
#5
park rose
Due to recent climate changes due to offering body sprays to anyone to use due to the workplace being odoriferously unpleasant due to climate changes, please use this axe if you would like to work towards a long term solution to the problem of climate change due to offering body sprays…
Jun 5, 2009 at 9:58 am rating: +10
#6
Bunnee
Thanks for your cooperation in making this a pleasant work place for everyone by smelling like a fourteen year old.
Jun 5, 2009 at 9:59 am rating: +29
#7
Bunnee
Why do I picture someone who looks like comic book dude from the Simpsons standing in a bathroom, looking at a can of body spray with scorn?
“Worst. Smell. Ever. “
Jun 5, 2009 at 10:02 am rating: +21
#8
CS harmonikah
I can’t help but imagine this in the form of a “Nick Burns, Your company’s Computer Guy” skit.
Jun 5, 2009 at 10:03 am rating: +2
#9
Josh
You can’t cover up BO with body spray, deodorant, etc. It then just smells like a combination of BO and body spray, which is worse than BO itself.
Jun 5, 2009 at 10:04 am rating: +6
#10
park rose
Mike works in a large sin-house call center.
I am offering a body.
Spray available to the public for anyone interested, in case they forgot to shower (you better be clean).
Thanks for your cooperation in helping me make this a pleasant work place for everyone!
Jun 5, 2009 at 10:04 am rating: +6
#11
Joe
Charlie: You were in a 4 hour status meeting with a non-hygiene?
Maverick: Yes ma’am.
Charlie: At what range?
Maverick: Um, about 2 meters.
Goose: It was actually about 1 and a half I think. It was 1 and a half, I’ve got a great Polaroid of it, and the stink lines are right there, must be 1 and a half.
Maverick: Was a nice picture.
Goose: Thanks.
Charlie: Eh lieutenant, what were you doing there?
Goose: Communicating.
Maverick: Communicating. Keeping up intra-office relations. You know, giving him the Axe!
Jun 5, 2009 at 10:12 am rating: +8
#12
Bernd das Brot
Due to a recent wave of diet changes, I am offering an air freshener available to the public, in case they use the microwave to heat up their home-made food. Please use generously. Thanks for your cooperation.
Slider, that food smell makes me nauseous!
Jun 5, 2009 at 10:13 am rating: +3
#13
Woman on the Verge
And the response?
Due to recent climate changes, I am offering free noseplugs available to the public if anyone is interested in case they forget to breathe through their mouths. If you continue to complain, I will also provide a gag which should solve both of our problems.
love,
Slider
Jun 5, 2009 at 10:27 am rating: +1
#14
Sarcastraphe
In a situation like this I am trying to think of alternatives to the passive aggressive note. I am not coming up with much. Maybe a squirt gun full of body spray and/or Febreeze?
Maybe a huge mounted fan on the bill of your hat blowing air away from you.
Probably your best bet is to constantly be chewing gum and get that circular air thing going, where you breathe out through your mouth and in through your nose, like morticians do?
Jun 5, 2009 at 10:33 am rating: +5
#15
aaa
The Axe stench is way more offensive than any ass-laden body odor a human can produce. There is no nerd stench that can match the power of sweaty, stupid, teenage boys.
Jun 5, 2009 at 10:44 am rating: +12
#16
aaa
On the related note of nerd stench, try being inundated with dissected shark stench. Having that oily, fishy, plastic-death aroma cling to you for hours afterwards is just awesome.
Jun 5, 2009 at 10:45 am rating: +4
#17
claw71
Sorry, but I’m more of a Bod Man.
Jun 5, 2009 at 11:15 am rating: +3
#18
GhostWriter
Yeah, I asked for the “complimentary body spray.” I won’t fall for that again.
Some huge gorilla started spraying me down with a firehose- it’s a Madhouse; A MADHOUSE!!”
…then they put it on YouTube.
Jun 5, 2009 at 11:21 am rating: +5
#19
shoegirl
Every morning I come to work, I have a really nice air freshener which I spray around a 6 foot vicinity of the colleague who pollutes the atmosphere. If it goes on, having complained to him 5 times, and colelagues to HR/management at least as many, I’ll just move desk.
Jun 5, 2009 at 11:34 am rating: +2
#20
claw71
More then the can of Axe, the decision to feature a Top Gun reference really works against the author of this note. I’m not going to lie: I thought Top Gun was pretty fucking awesome the first time I saw it, back in 1986. Then I watched it again and realized, even at the age of 15, that the plot was thin, the acting was overwrought and the sweaty beach volleyball scene was overtly homoerotic. Also, Kelly McGillis? Not nearly hot enough to warrant suffering through the love scenes. The best part of the whole movie? Anthony Edwards dies. Too bad Meg Ryan didn’t go with him.
I’m guilty of deriving initial enjoyment from lots of things I later realized were totally lame. Vanilla Ice, for example. Ice Ice baby was the jam until I actually took notice of the lyrics and realized what putz Robbie Van Winnkle was. I never bought the album.
We’re more than 20 years removed from when Top Gun came out. It’s one of those 80s things that makes people from the 80s look really stupid, like leg warmers and white people wearing those Africa pendants. Top Gun was so bad that I actually liked it when Anthony Edwards died on ER. Scientology and placenta eating are only half the reason I loathe Tom Cruise. Top Gun is the other half.
We all know this. Those of us from the 80s accept the fact that we were lame, if only for a fleeting moment. But this Axe-toting nimrod thinks enough of Top Gun to cite a scene and a quote on his note. I had completely forgotten that scene, and almost forgotten that I had ever watched Top Gun, then this asshole had to come along and dredge up all those memories.
Team BO all the way!
Jun 5, 2009 at 11:37 am rating: +16
#21
Jall-apeno
Well, after waiting for ‘my mojo to load’, I found that Axe body sprays will induce rampant babe stampedes, libido hysteria, and stimulate the clothing-removal section of the female brain – who knew? As a bonus, the handy-dandy shape of the bottle will comfortably fit in my hand just like certain female body parts. Awesome. Which of those effects wouldn’t fire up a techno-geek?
Alternatively, there was a mention of ‘recent climate change’ so said note writer could simply be a believer of anthropogenic global warming and is attempting to lure his co-workers out of energy consuming hot showers and back to the much more comfortable medieval period when body odors were covered up with perfumes.
Jun 5, 2009 at 11:53 am rating: +6
#22
Mishee™
Just one more reason am I glad as ever that I am no longer a resident of the Pacific Northwest!!
Jun 5, 2009 at 12:02 pm rating: +5
#23
Eric
We’re in the big leagues, getting our turn to bat, as long as we live, it’s you and me baby, there ain’t nothi…..
Man, that’s the title font of The Jeffersons, man you really need help!
Jun 5, 2009 at 1:31 pm rating: +1
#24
TheOldSchool
Surely, I’m not the only one to detect the subtle yet tart undertones of homoeroticism wafting mischievously throughout this message.
Subsitute the AXE underarm deodorant for Astroglide, KY, or Liquid Silk.
The only thing missing is a photo of Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer from Top Gun.
Jun 5, 2009 at 4:04 pm rating: +2
#25
TheOldSchool
Click Clack,
Welcome back.
I won’t ask where you’ve been, because I assume that you were taking care of some highly embarrassing personal business.
I can’t say I’m surprised by your report 24.2. The sexual tension has been building inside her for several months now. She’s done a fairly admirable job of keeping the door closed on the chaos that was taking place downstairs. (I can’t even begin to grasp how difficult that must have been.)
Who ever said, “When it rains, it pours,” was kinda smart, but kinda stupid.
Sometimes it pours, but sometimes it sprinkles. Sometimes it’s just a fine drizzle. And what about a gentle spring rain? Has this fucker ever been outside? Does he live in a bubble like that kid? Yeah, “when it rains, it pours,” except when it doesn’t.
Anyway, if you see her later, tell her that I said, “Hey.”
She’ll ask if that was all I said.
Just nod and shrug.
She’ll give you a baffled look.
That’s when you “all of a sudden” remember this part.
Tell her that I looked you straight in the eye and uttered the following: “Listen, Click Clack, if she thinks she’s going to swoop into my life and get me to take down the Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, or Christian Bale posters from my bedroom, she’d better THINK AGAIN.”
(This all pertains to something I choose to call “the territorial imperative.” I have no idea what it means, but it sounds good, so I call it that.)
Has the swelling gone down?
Jun 5, 2009 at 6:05 pm rating: +3
#26
TTMS
I might print out a copy of this and put it up at my work. Then take a photo of it and submit it here. How postmodern.
Jun 5, 2009 at 6:26 pm rating: +3
#27
anglophile
Everyone in the office wondered what Wayne was up to, working all those extra hours after everyone else went home. Any time anyone approached his workspace, he would quickly slide a raft of papers covered in complicated formulas under his technical support manuals. Peculiar odors emanated from him. He was seen pushing a cart filled with lab glassware, bunsen burners and pipettes into a deserted storage closet. One day they heard a muffled explosion, and Wayne emerged with his eyebrows singed off. His co-workers began to tease him, calling him Dr. Honeydew and The Mad Scientist. But Wayne didn’t care, for he had finally done it. He had concocted the substance he had longed for ever since Monica Whitford had laughed at him when he asked her to dance at the seventh grade Sock Hop. The substance which would make him his fortune. When sprayed liberally on the male body, it not only imparted a manly, sexy odor, but it also bestowed confidence. For the cologne was created of a chemical which, when sprayed through a specialized nozzle, approximated a human voice. Each time he sprayed himself, Wayne took heart to hear his cologne saying “smelling good, tiger” and “who’s the babe magnet now?”
Yes, Wayne had created complimentary body spray.
Jun 5, 2009 at 6:40 pm rating: +11
#28
yuck
Honestly? Axe smells far, far worse than BO, and that takes some doing. The Axe effect is not that women will gleefully rip their clothing off and attack you in a wild frenzy of lust, but that they will gag and or/projectile vomit at your approach. I don’t think that either of these things will help improve the office atmosphere.
Jun 5, 2009 at 7:04 pm rating: +1
#29
fluffy8u
You know, I could picture that guy who runs the local dungeon club posting this sign. Some of those girls. Whew.
Jun 5, 2009 at 7:09 pm rating: +1
#30
TheOldSchool
Am I the only one here who often has erotic dreams involving German Chancellor Angela Merkel?
Jun 5, 2009 at 7:29 pm rating: +2
#31
Canthz_B
Axe has a vile scent, but what would you expect from a French body spray?
What? You thought they smelled that way naturally?
Jun 5, 2009 at 10:52 pm rating: +1
#32
agatha christie
I once knew a guy who would often come into work unshowered (after some major bender the previous night) and douse himself in Axe. He called it the Mexican Shower.
::shrugs::
Jun 6, 2009 at 11:47 am rating: +1
#33
Flaboy2425
I prefer body odor to Axe.
Jun 6, 2009 at 11:51 am rating: +1
#34
TheOldSchool
Fact: the cattle population of the planet is approximately 1 billion.
Fact: A cow eats 40 pounds of food, and drinks the equivalent amount of a bathtub full of water each day.
Fact: Of the 15 endangered species if slugs in the world, 14 of them are found in the United States.
Fact: There are only two words that aren’t allowed on British TV: “motherfucker” and “cunt.” You can say “mother” and “fucker,” but not together.
Question:What about “mumfucker,” “a mother I’d like to fuck,” “a fucker of mothers” or, the ever popular: “just an ordinary lad having his filthy way with his own mum?”
Cunt? C’mon now guv, this is just bollacks, isn’y it?
Jun 6, 2009 at 4:37 pm rating: 0
#35
Randal
I find body odour strangely soothing and sexy.
Jun 6, 2009 at 10:21 pm rating: +1
#36
Randal
Canadian, actually.
Jun 7, 2009 at 12:44 am rating: +1
#37
Canthz_B
It’s really no Secret that they should Ban Axe.
It won’t make you as Suave as Robert Mitchum by any Degree.
There must be a better way to find the Right Guard against B.O. in this increasingly Arrid, Extra Dry world.
Jun 7, 2009 at 12:51 am rating: +5
#38
Reid
…It’s COMPLEMENTARY when it comes with something and COMPLIMENTARY when it does well to you. This needs to be said!
edit: Oh I’ve doubleposted. Please delete this one since it’s the one I did wrong.
Jun 7, 2009 at 7:46 pm rating: 0
#39
Reid
…It’s COMPLEMENTARY when it comes with something and COMPLIMENTARY when it speaks well of you. This needs to be said!
Jun 7, 2009 at 7:46 pm rating: 0
#40
Jinx
Has a feeling this spray smells, and feels, like burning.
Jun 8, 2009 at 2:22 pm rating: 0
#41
BobTheSmeller
Good lord, nothing smells worse than axe, even bad BO is better. If I have a choice of asphyxiating due to someones cologne versus inhaling body honor, I will choose body odor any day. Then again, this guyw as reasonably nice. Except, he should have left a bar of caffeine soap instead.
Jul 8, 2009 at 10:51 pm rating: 0
Leave a Comment