Why can’t you act professional?

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June 8th, 2009 · 146 comments

Writes Aimee in Sellersburg, Indiana: “My former boss used to leave these kind of notes posted on our work bulletin board constantly. It was a really boring job, so these little rays of sunshine made coming to work worth it.”

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · crazy boss · ellipses-crazed · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Indiana · now that's management · sad face · You call that punctuation?

146 responses so far ↓

#1 Mishee™

From the looks of the names on that “Staff Who Needs New Pictures” list, I’d say Aimee works in a brothel?

(With the exception of Rupert… but he is just probably a fluffer…)

Jun 8, 2009 at 6:02 pm rating: 19

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- #1.1 TheOldSchool
  
  Fluffing used to be Matt’s job, until Rupert walked all over him.
  
  Now Matt’s posted at the door.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 8:16 pm rating: 8
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#2 WillBraden

12 periods, 9 question marks and 23 exclamation points? do we have a new record????!?!!!?!?!?!!?!????…………….?

Jun 8, 2009 at 6:04 pm rating: 28

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#3 oi!

I am not happy about how she spells her name. aimee?
I am pretty sure she is not ambitious.

Jun 8, 2009 at 6:06 pm rating: 13

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- #3.1 Devika
  
  I think Aimee is the French version of Amy. “Kristie” on the other hand…that’s just excessive.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 10:46 am rating: 1
- #3.2 aaa
  
  What, should we be encouraging the French people, now? Really…
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 10:49 am rating: 3
- #3.3 Mishee™
  
  I figured it was aimee cause like I said earlier she works in a brothel.
  
  Just like when you are being trained for something, you are a “trainee”, this girl is getting aimed at, hence, she is an “aimee”
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 10:52 am rating: 29
- #3.4 oi!
  
  I thumbed you for that one Mishee. That’s what (kinda) I was trying to say.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 11:38 am rating: 1
- #3.5 tadpole
  
  Yup, Aimee is a French name. It means “beloved”.
  
  aaa, the French don’t need your encouragements, nor anyone else’s. They tend to consider that whenevereveryone else disagrees (or, in some cases, pour xenophobic shit on their collective head since t hey’re the only ethnic group left that you can bash without consequences), they must be doing something right. And in some cases, it verifies.
  
  Aug 9, 2009 at 7:59 pm rating: 0
- #3.6 mylene
  
  Aimée means Loved in french.
  
  Aug 12, 2009 at 10:34 pm rating: 0
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#4 anglophile

Gee, I can’t imagine why the staff can’t act professional.

Adjectives used as adverbs make me

Jun 8, 2009 at 6:09 pm rating: 32

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- #4.1 park rose
  
  How about nouns as verbs? I think they can be kind of sexy.
  
  I’m having visions of Basil Brush and his mighty tail, actually. And the New York Times. But it might be too early in the thread to get surreal.
  
  Adjectives used as adverbs can be real good, but I feel your pain ♥
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 6:31 pm rating: 11
- #4.2 Woman on the Verge
  
  It is NEVER to early to get surreal.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 6:45 pm rating: 7
- #4.3 Mark
  
  Yes, and the running dungeon tastes purple!
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 6:54 pm rating: 6
- #4.4 TheOldSchool
  
  Purple is a pilled-up leper fleeing the ganga din of a bong-fueled, electric knives party.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 8:44 pm rating: 4
- #4.5 mamason
  
  Purple is a fruit.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 12:27 am rating: 6
- #4.6 TheOldSchool
  
  But Purple is not the ONLY fruit.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 1:20 am rating: 5
- #4.7 park rose
  
  Black is the color
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 1:21 am rating: 4
- #4.8 TheOldSchool
  
  Actually, black is the ONLY color that doesn’t reflect light from any part of the visible rectum.
  
  Spend enough time with mandrills and you’ll understand what I mean.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 1:41 am rating: 9
- #4.9 Heather
  
  Purple, because ice cream has no bones.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 9:49 am rating: 6
- #4.10 MAMARILLA2
  
  Crayons taste like purple *awk*.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 10:40 am rating: 3
- #4.11 aaa
  
  Hey now, no awkwarding the Crayolas…
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 10:50 am rating: 4
- #4.12 oi
  
  purple is new blue. It sounds like ultrasonic boom but bats can’t hear it.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 12:09 pm rating: 2
- #4.13 you suck at craigslist
  
  Adjectivitizing weirds language.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 8:08 pm rating: 3
- #4.14 you suck at craigslist
  
  Also, thumbs up to Mamarilla2 for the Greg the Bunny reference.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 8:09 pm rating: 1
- #4.15 anglophile
  
  Aw, now you went and made my ears bleed, you suck!
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 8:11 pm rating: 3
- #4.16 Snippy
  
  His stage name was Cat Stevens before he changed it to YouSuck.
  
  No argument on the ear bleeding, however.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 8:30 pm rating: 2
- #4.17 park rose
  
  Also, 4.14, thumbs up for TOS for the Jeanette Winterson reference.
  
  Oh, and the Nina Simone (4.17) .
  
  And the Mandrills.
  
  Though I have a feeling that nothing compares to Greg the Bunny.
  
  Jun 10, 2009 at 5:58 am rating: 1
- #4.18 oi!
  
  this is not fair, people get thumbs up for some obscure(ok may be not) american show/movie reference. There is no value for being original.
  nobody says life is not fair alright?
  
  Jun 17, 2009 at 7:03 pm rating: 0
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#5 tk.

“Professional… you keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.”

Jun 8, 2009 at 6:17 pm rating: 66

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- #5.1 fluffy8u
  
  Doesn’t it mean ‘characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, esp. having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis?’
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 3:11 am rating: 5
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#6 dinalily

I really want to see those notes in the computer! Other locations tattled to Jeff about them, they must be good! Or did they tattle about not having update pictures?

Jun 8, 2009 at 6:18 pm rating: 7

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#7 Woman on the Verge

I’m still struggling with the meaning of “Don’t put notes on other staff members in the computer!!!!” Are these people posting notes on each other while standing in computers? Are they posting notes on other staff’s members? Are they avatars in a video game of The Office?

Jun 8, 2009 at 6:19 pm rating: 19

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- #7.1 park rose
  
  You know how you asked your folks if the people in the television were real, but just kind of miniature? Well, this is the Internet version.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 6:24 pm rating: 6
- #7.2 Geek Goddess
  
  WotV, you just copy and paste.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 7:20 pm rating: 3
- #7.3 clumber
  
  How embarrassing.. I thought all she had to do was press her lips together and blow…
  
  And me too, Verge, me too… I have read it at least a dozen times, even tried restructuring the ‘sentence” and I still have no idea what the Pro is talking about and what I am no longer supposed to do…
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 3:24 am rating: 1
- #7.4 Joe
  
  I think the other staff members are the cast of ReBoot.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 9:13 am rating: 1
- #7.5 NotClever
  
  I’m probably ruining the joke here, but after a few seconds I realized it must be some sort of employee database?
  
  I’m guessing someone tagged a bunch of people with goofy descriptions or something and someone at another office ratted them out, so of course Lora gets the heat.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 1:11 pm rating: 2
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#8 Woman on the Verge

LORA!!!!

POSTING NOTES ALL IN CAPS WITH EXCESSIVE PUNCTUATION……. RUN ON SENTENCES…… AND FROWNY FACED SIGNATURES IN LOOPY HANDWRITING IS NOT PROFESSIONAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PROFESSIONAL – YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

Jun 8, 2009 at 6:20 pm rating: 34

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- #8.1 oi!
  
  Nope she is doing right. I agree she is not PAN perfect(no pink penises/hearts, no xxoo, no rainbow text) but she is not doing wrong!
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 6:24 pm rating: 5
- #8.2 Woman on the Verge
  
  True, oi, she is doing PAN right, but professional? I don’t think so.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 6:31 pm rating: 8
- #8.3 park rose
  
  Loran Order… she needs a heady or heavy dose of decorum.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 6:33 pm rating: 5
- #8.4 oi
  
  oh I forgot you are not suppose to be sarcastic all the time!
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 7:27 pm rating: 5
- #8.5 Canthz_B
  
  Loopy handwriting reveals a Loopy Lora.
  
  I don’t think I’ve ever cared how my boss felt about anything.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 7:36 pm rating: 8
- #8.6 Mishee™
  
  I don’t know CB. I’ve done extensive research on handwriting analysis.
  
  I’d say her handwriting resembles the script of a serial killer.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 7:47 pm rating: 7
- #8.7 oi!
  
  so the first letter is L? Am I the only one who read it rosa?
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 7:57 pm rating: 6
- #8.8 G
  
  Oh, man, now it’s like one of those optical illusions where you can see both depending on how you’re focusing.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 8:04 pm rating: 7
- #8.9 TheOldSchool
  
  I thought it was Hora.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 8:22 pm rating: 3
- #8.10 Neeners
  
  Did she also really need to sign it? I am sure they could have guessed who wrote the note.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 9:49 pm rating: 3
- #8.11 TheOldSchool
  
  Think again, Neeners. The boys from the lab just confirmed what I’d suspected all along. Hora idn’t write the note.
  
  Now, everyone else (and I do mean EVERYONE) is a suspect.
  
  There’s something very fishy going on at this little bunny ranch, and I aim to get to the bottom of it.
  
  Aimee, if you’re reading this, do not leave Sellersburg until I’ve patted you down and done a thorough cavity search.
  
  This is getting serious.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 1:27 am rating: 2
- #8.12 TheOldSchool
  
  I guess I should have said, “and GIVEN YOU a thorough cavity search.”
  
  Lord knows I’m giving myself a cavity search. I’m not a suspect.
  
  (Am I?)
  
  Sure I was there on official business, conducting simultaneous interviews with Brooke K and Vicky. Once or twice, Emily may have joined us … in the investigation. Killing three birds with two stones kind of thing. The chief will understand.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 1:35 am rating: 1
- #8.13 TheOldSchool
  
  If nobody objects, I’m no longer calling her “Just Hora,” I’m calling her “Our Hora.”
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 1:51 am rating: 1
- #8.14 TheOldSchool
  
  P.S., when I said “this is getting serious,” I wasn’t referring to you, Sirius.
  
  But I do have some questions for you. (Just to rule you out as a suspect, of course.)
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 1:55 am rating: 1
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#9 Woman on the Verge

“HOW DO YOU THINK I FELT WHEN JEFF CONFRONTED ME…” Gee, I don’t know, Lora. Let me think. All caps, redundant exclamation points, a frown – oh, and the statement that you are not happy – I’m going to guess …. stupid?

Jun 8, 2009 at 6:36 pm rating: 29

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- #9.1 Sirius¤
  
  and just a tiny bit aroused.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 6:45 pm rating: 41
- #9.2 park rose
  
  when he confronted me with his tattle-tail…
  
  I’ve got the feeling that Jeff wears a plastic mac rather than uses one.
  
  He enjoys exposing members and his staff to his stuff and his staff.
  
  As an aside, in Japan, staff and stuff may as well be the same word. There is no recognition of its role as an uncountable noun, either. Every stuffs will have a meeting today at 1pm…
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 6:56 pm rating: 2
- #9.3 TheOldSchool
  
  I’ll bet she felt as soft as a cum-drenched Sham-wow.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 8:23 pm rating: 7
- #9.4 fluffy8u
  
  You can use a Sham-wow for that?!?
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 3:04 am rating: 3
- #9.5 clumber
  
  Well of course you can! You know the Germans always make good stuff!
  
  All we can say is : SHAM wow!
  
  (Huh… that’s the first time I noticed that it is calling itself a sham. Why hello there snake, I didn’t see you there…)
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 3:29 am rating: 6
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#10 Wade

If the staff members are in the computer, how do you put notes on them?

Jun 8, 2009 at 6:46 pm rating: 12

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- #10.1 BurstingAtTheSeams
  
  Perhaps the staff members are working in an older office with deprecated equipment. For example, this guy is just asking to have a note left on him.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 8:04 pm rating: 4
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#11 Mishee™

Yes Lora, just like Mike explained to Cindy in a heartwarming episode…

Nobody likes a tattle tale.

Jun 8, 2009 at 6:48 pm rating: 5

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- #11.1 clumber
  
  OW! My Nose!
  
  Nor do they like a well-aimed pigskin… But give ‘em some tittle & tale and they’ll cook you breakfast in the morning.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 3:30 am rating: 3
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#12 Sirius¤

Oh, but I CAN act professional, Lora. I can also act like your happiness means two shits to me. I can even act like I’m staying at this boring job for any reason other than to get enough money to buy bullets and go Post Office on your frowny ass.

Jun 8, 2009 at 7:07 pm rating: 7

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#13 The Rev. Ug

Lora goes old-school with the emoticon. Nice.

Jun 8, 2009 at 8:06 pm rating: 3

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#14 se

I can’t imagine that putting my staff or my member in the computer could be at all pleasant.

Jun 8, 2009 at 8:16 pm rating: 15

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- #14.1 anglophile
  
  You just need a computer with the right kind of port, se.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 8:30 pm rating: 12
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#15 TheOldSchool

Sellersburg?

That’s just a rock’s toss from Whoretown.

Jun 8, 2009 at 8:19 pm rating: 5

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- #15.1 Mark
  
  Also very close to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook!
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 12:24 pm rating: 3
- #15.2 Mishee™
  
  I hear Shelbyville is also in the vicinity.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 12:26 pm rating: 2
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#16 Neeners

BOSS -

DO NOT WRITE COMPUTER NOTES INVOLVING ALL THE WORKERS IN THIS OFFICE!!!!!!

AND IF YOU ARE LISTED BELOW, WE THINK YOU SHOULD SHOVE THE PICTURES UP YOUR ASS AND GET A LIFE…….

HOW DO YOU THINK WE ALL FELT WHEN YOU CONFRONTED US WITH A GROUP MEMO IN ALL CAPS AND USED THE WORDS “TATTLE TALED” IN IT???????

WE’VE ALL LEFT AND TAKEN JOBS AT A MORE PROFESSIONAL LOCATION (JEFF’S).

WE ARE VERY HAPPY ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!

STAFF =-)

Lora

Jun 8, 2009 at 8:23 pm rating: 25

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#17 Consultant Calamities

What a bunch of children!!!!

Jun 8, 2009 at 8:32 pm rating: 1

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- #17.1 TheOldSchool
  
  CC,
  
  Saying that here is like shouting “Free Theatre Tickets!” to a convention hall filled with gay firemen.
  
  Remember, the first amendment is only an amendment; meaning it can be amended.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 1:47 am rating: 9
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#18 KD

looks like the picture thing is unrelated. And what DID the other locations say? Now I’m curious.

Jun 8, 2009 at 8:57 pm rating: 2

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- #18.1 ClickClack
  
  You mean you have a constant craving to know, Miss Chatelaine?
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 2:18 pm rating: 3
- #18.2 Sirius¤
  
  *races in, out of breath and looking around wildly*
  
  LESBIANS? What? Oh, nevermind.
  
  *races out*
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 2:34 pm rating: 3
- #18.3 ClickClack
  
  That was Howard Stern from Sirius-XM satellite radio, everyone! Let’s hear it for him!
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 2:39 pm rating: 2
- #18.4 Sirius¤
  
  Actually I was imagining Groucho, who was also rumored to have a fondness for the stronger weaker sex.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 3:19 pm rating: 1
- #18.5 Sirius¤
  
  *not that there’s anything wrong with that*
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 3:20 pm rating: 2
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#19 Quite Contrary

The frown as part of the signature is redundant. Dramatic, but redundant.

Jun 8, 2009 at 9:09 pm rating: 1

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- #19.1 Neeners
  
  It really drives home how truly upset Lora is.
  
  Jun 8, 2009 at 9:50 pm rating: 1
- #19.2 Woman on the Verge
  
  But if she was REALLY upset she would have used clipart.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 12:40 pm rating: 3
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#20 C

I can’t act professional because I don’t have a good agent.

Jun 8, 2009 at 9:27 pm rating: 12

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#21 Vlad the impaler

One good turn deserves another:

Why can’t you use adverbs correct????!!!!!!!!

Put Lora and THX Sandra in a room with a knife and keyboard missing the exclamation point and see who survives.

Jun 8, 2009 at 9:34 pm rating: 19

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- #21.1 fluffy8u
  
  Lora. No! Sandra! Lora…. yeah… Lora, because she also knows how to use a Sharpie. What does Sandra know how to use? Clip art? Can’t clip art an exclamation point, honey!
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 2:41 am rating: 2
- #21.2 anglophile
  
  Sure you can, aaa.
  
  It’s Rule 34(a). If it exists, there’s Clip Art for it.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 7:46 pm rating: 1
- #21.3 aaa
  
  Wait, how did I get involved? I suppose that it’s just time for is to be All About aaa instead of Mishee™ now.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 10:27 pm rating: 1
- #21.4 aaa
  
  P.S.
  
  If you can’t clipart an exclamation point, what the hell are those things sitting next to some commenters’ comments? ;D
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 10:29 pm rating: 1
- #21.5 zombieBlanco
  
  All About aaa? Is you drunk?
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 10:32 pm rating: 0
- #21.6 fluffy8u
  
  Okay, so I’m mistaken. You can clip art an exclamation point. There should be a joke here, but I can’t think of one. Feel free to supply one yourselves.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 10:51 pm rating: 0
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#22 aaa

Tattle taled, eh? Is it any wonder why those stereotypes about “hoosiers” keep surviving?

Jun 8, 2009 at 9:49 pm rating: 9

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#23 Hunka Chunka

I miss those notes. I wish I had them at night to keep me warm.

Jun 9, 2009 at 12:19 am rating: 3

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#24 kira

why don’t she write good?

Jun 9, 2009 at 12:29 am rating: 8

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- #24.1 fluffy8u
  
  “Me fail English? That’s Unpossible!”
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 2:32 am rating: 9
- #24.2 floof
  
  i could talk english real good……..!!!!!!!
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 2:47 pm rating: 1
- #24.3 lilmegz
  
  i only speak american
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 9:28 pm rating: 0
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#25 Lauren

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q60GQrARpN8
It’s not enough to act professional. You have to BE professional. Are you PROFESSIONAL?

It got stuck in my head, I might as well pass it on.

Jun 9, 2009 at 1:46 am rating: 1

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#26 TheOldSchool

I can easily see how all the trouble began at this Indiana brothel.

A “john” comes in and states he’d like Amanda to give him a bj.

He enters the darkened room, sheds his officer’s clothing, gets serviced, and then discovers that our Hora sent in Rupert, not Amanda.

Moral: Parents, don’t name your daughters Amanda. Mistakes get made.

Jun 9, 2009 at 2:09 am rating: 6

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- #26.1 TheOldSchool
  
  As for Hora, I just know that some people are going to read her name, and ask: “was the confusion related to the fast that she is hispanic?”
  
  The answer is an unqualified “No!”
  
  Rupert caused his panic, not Hora.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 2:14 am rating: 4
- #26.2 MAMARILLA2
  
  Que Hora?
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 12:12 pm rating: 2
- #26.3 TheOldSchool
  
  Dose annuities, si’il vous plait.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 3:02 pm rating: 0
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#27 fluffy8u

I am 63.2% sure she spelled “tattled taled” wrong. Or at least used the wrong past tense.

Jun 9, 2009 at 2:29 am rating: 2

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- #27.1 park rose
  
  I guess so, fluff. If it actually was a verb, maybe she should have written tattle-told. But then the present tense would be tattle-tell. Damn irregulars.
  
  However (dons linguist cap) most new verbs take a regular form (that is ‘ed’), and tattle-tale as a verb is a new verb, so she’s doin’ all right.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 3:15 am rating: 5
- #27.2 fluffy8u
  
  Curse you irregulaaarrrssss!!! *shakes fist*
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 3:26 am rating: 5
- #27.3 I was a child
  
  Tattled.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 7:09 am rating: 7
- #27.4 park rose
  
  True.
  Tattered.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 8:50 am rating: 1
- #27.5 MsDolfinn
  
  @ 27.2 I think they make a pill for that.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 9:56 am rating: 6
- #27.6 aaa
  
  Well, Jamie Lee Curtis does sell yogurt for it. Although I don’t know how much I trust it…
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 10:54 am rating: 5
- #27.7 Mishee™
  
  Maybe “tattle teller” for the past tense rose?
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 10:57 am rating: 1
- #27.8 NewMoon
  
  *puts on pedant robe*
  
  I think 27.3 is on the right track. One tattles, or one tattles a tale. Or, one may be a tatttletale. The past tense would be “tattled a tale”.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 11:12 am rating: 6
- #27.9 NewMoon
  
  Oh nevermind, “tattle” would not take an object. So, one wouldn’t tattle a tale.
  
  (okay, I will shut up now)
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 11:35 am rating: 2
- #27.10 oi
  
  with 27.3
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 11:35 am rating: 1
- #27.11 oi!
  
  yeah shut up now. I thought your earlier comment made sense so jumped on the wagon. now you come here contradicting yourself?
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 11:46 am rating: 1
- #27.12 park rose
  
  This is what I got from my quick and thorough (not) etymology search:
  Tattle:
  
  1481, “to stammer, prattle,” in Caxton’s translation of “Reynard the Fox,” probably from M.Flem. tatelen “to stutter,” parallel to M.Du., M.L.G., E.Fris. tateren “to chatter, babble,” possibly of imitative origin. The meaning “tell tales or secrets” is first recorded 1581. Sense influenced by tittle. Tattletale formed in Eng. 1888, probably patterned on telltale (1548).
  
  So tattle is the verb as said at 27.3. In a modern sense it would be tattle we would have to replace with tell – so told a tale is probably about as accurate as it might get in past, or to just cut out the ‘tale’ part as suggested in 27.3.
  
  I find it interesting that sense was probably influenced by tittle. Is this the thread with hot wax and nipples?
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 7:02 pm rating: 2
- #27.13 ClickClack
  
  Well, I’m certainly titillated.
  
  I suppose threading could be used as a depilatory method for furry nipples… but there I go, waxing nostalgic again. Even the fondest old mammaries do fade with time, you know.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 7:42 pm rating: 2
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#28 Canthz_B

Lora just needs to hire some professional actors.

Jun 9, 2009 at 9:17 am rating: 1

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- #28.1 MAMARILLA2
  
  Sam Raimi can direct.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 11:16 am rating: 2
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#29 Carrieknowseverything

I have no clue what that said, at all.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jun 9, 2009 at 12:03 pm rating: 1

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- #29.1 Woman on the Verge
  
  But Carrie – I thought you knew everything!
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 12:42 pm rating: 5
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#30 Zhopka

Wait, wait, why do we assume that Lora is a signature? Can you visualize someone typing up THAT kind of a note and then signing it softly by hand? Not unless they are bipolar, I think. Anyway, I say Lora is just another staff name “listed below”, added to the note after it was printed. And having to add one more person really broke this already-saddened boss’ heart. Thus the sad face and the disproportionate letters. Lora’s shortcomings were the last drops into the boss’ overflowing cup of professional patience. And s/he is not happy about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jun 9, 2009 at 12:13 pm rating: 6

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#31 Kalebarkab

I want to find good pop music. Help me please.

Jun 9, 2009 at 1:12 pm rating: 1

reply to this comment
- #31.1 Joe
  
  You’re intentionally listening to pop music? Oh, you need help alright.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 2:15 pm rating: 2
- #31.2 ClickClack
  
  Look inside the computer. There are notes on the staffs.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 2:16 pm rating: 16
- #31.3 Sirius¤
  
  @ClickClack
  
  Bravo! Encore!
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 2:31 pm rating: 2
- #31.4 park rose
  
  Note to Click Clack, you’re trebling me. You sure are sharp at this, I’d say a natural. Bassicaly, It’s leaving me all a little flat.
  
  Or, if we’re going to get meta and refer to another thread, I guess you’d say I’m floundering.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 7:08 pm rating: 6
- #31.5 ClickClack
  
  I don’t just work for scale, rose.
  Now sing me a tuna with sole, gill-friend!
  
  (Just don’t write me a roman à clef.)
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 7:38 pm rating: 4
- #31.6 anglophile
  
  Not this same old song again. It’s a real Golden Oldie.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 7:50 pm rating: 1
- #31.7 ClickClack
  
  Aw, come on, rose…. Walleye admit to recycling material, the shoal must go on! I’ll just try not to run aground on the choral riff.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 7:56 pm rating: 3
- #31.8 fluffy8u
  
  What do you call a fish with no eyes?
  
  Fsh!
  
  Jun 10, 2009 at 1:04 am rating: 1
- #31.9 park rose
  
  ‘glo, I am sure that you meant to ask CC to refrain from playing on that old time rock and rollmop music, the kind that soothes the sole, but then, I also know that when you choose your words they usually mean just what you choose them to mean — neither more nor less.
  
  He honoured your wishes, anyway, I coda not done better, apart from being able to tell the two of us apart. He is forgiven for that transgression because a man who can make a pun function triumvirately gets the thumb from me (look, I know, I know your opinion on nouns operating as adjectives/adverbs, incorrectly so, too, and such…it’s so much fun, though).
  
  Jun 11, 2009 at 4:06 am rating: 1
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#32 Kellye

Passive-aggressive office management is fucking delicious.

Doesn’t middle management get paid specifically NOT to pull nonconfrontational crap like this?

Jun 9, 2009 at 2:54 pm rating: 2

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- #32.1 claw71
  
  In my experience I think that middle management gets paid specifically TO pull non-confrontational crap like this. When I was in middle management I always got reprimanded by my superiors for being “undiplomatic” and when I’ve been forced to answer to middle management I was confounded by their inability to be direct and get to the core of the issue.
  
  In fact, in every corporate structure I’ve analyzed the most highly regarded middle managers are highly proficient at avoiding anything resembling a commitment. They always eschew direct confrontation in favor of addressing grievances with an entire group and even impose penalties, such as a more rigid dress code or the termination of flex time, upon everybody rather than take the individual who abuses those things to task.
  
  Nope. The secret to corporate success is to burrow yourself deep into the soft underbelly of middle management. Collect the trifling stock options they offer, grow your 401K, and kiss just enough ass to ensure that you’ll make every downsizing cut.
  
  Suspend your ideals, leave your back bone at home and don’t even dream about the days when you had balls. Talk in circles, stay on top of the latest buzzwords and regularly browse the business section at Borders for the latest books on motivation and selling power. Buy them. Read them. Make sure everybody sees you with them. And for god’s sake, don’t ever come up with an idea. Ideas get people noticed and people who get noticed are given responsibilities.
  
  Yeah, Jack Carson formerly of Trader Publishing Company, I am talking about you.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 3:29 pm rating: 10
- #32.2 Mike
  
  Ah yes. One person was making too many personal phone calls.
  Solution? Pass a new policy requiring every employee to audit all his/her phone calls each month and submit a check for personal calls for the amount exceeding $5.
  
  Jun 10, 2009 at 3:03 am rating: 0
- #32.3 Kellye
  
  “They always eschew direct confrontation in favor of addressing grievances with an entire group and even impose penalties, such as a more rigid dress code or the termination of flex time, upon everybody rather than take the individual who abuses those things to task.”
  
  This actually JUST happened to my office a few weeks ago. Our flex time was terminated because of one particular time-card-fraud-executing asshole who doesn’t work there anymore. So if Sphincter McSlackerson was fired, why the heck was the whole office punished? I still don’t get it.
  
  “Nope. The secret to corporate success is to burrow yourself deep into the soft underbelly of middle management. Collect the trifling stock options they offer, grow your 401K, and kiss just enough ass to ensure that you’ll make every downsizing cut.”
  
  Heartwarming. Nothing like bureaucracy to verify your faith in the inherent goodness of the human race.
  
  “Suspend your ideals, leave your back bone at home and don’t even dream about the days when you had balls. Talk in circles, stay on top of the latest buzzwords and regularly browse the business section at Borders for the latest books on motivation and selling power. Buy them. Read them. Make sure everybody sees you with them. And for god’s sake, don’t ever come up with an idea. Ideas get people noticed and people who get noticed are given responsibilities.”
  
  I’m not even supposed to be here today…
  
  Jun 10, 2009 at 12:56 pm rating: 0
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#33 claw71

I’m not a professional but I play one at work.

Jun 9, 2009 at 3:16 pm rating: 6

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#34 PT

“Lora”,

WHY CAN’T YOU SPELL YOU’RE NAME CORRECTLY?!?!?!?!?!????!!!!1

YOUR NOT A VERY HAPPY PERSON ARE YOU?!!!%$$@#!??!

p.s.

WE KNOW YOUR SHAGGING JEFF

(OMG!!!($@)#(#D)

Jun 9, 2009 at 4:07 pm rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #34.1 park rose
  
  Using adjectives as adverbs… ur doin it wrong…
  
  Everything else is fine. Carry on…
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 7:16 pm rating: 1
- #34.2 anglophile
  
  ahem, rose.
  
  there is the small matter of the homophone confusion.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 7:53 pm rating: 0
- #34.3 ClickClack
  
  They’re not confused; they were born that way.
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 7:57 pm rating: 8
- #34.4 park rose
  
  Glo,
  
  I think the homophone confusion was keeping within the spirit of the original note. Correctly using an adverb was not.
  
  CC, not that there’s anything wrong with that
  
  Jun 10, 2009 at 5:47 am rating: 1
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#35 Sarah

I work in what one would think was a very professional atmosphere, but looks can fool you. I was sitting at my desk this morning working diligently when one of my male coworkers farts in my cube and blocks me in so I can’t move. I am just glad no board members were around.

Jun 9, 2009 at 4:23 pm rating: 3

reply to this comment
- #35.1 Snippy
  
  Yeah, but are you bored when round members are glad?
  
  Jun 9, 2009 at 8:27 pm rating: 1
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#36 Snippy

Oops, gigglebrax fail (again).

I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jun 9, 2009 at 8:25 pm rating: 1

reply to this comment
#37 fluffy8u

I can’t act “professional” because I have Tourette’s Syndrome. POTATO! And I thank you for bringing up my disabilities! EMILY HAS HERPES!

Jun 9, 2009 at 11:51 pm rating: 4

reply to this comment
- #37.1 Kellye
  
  Herpes, the gift that keeps on giving.
  
  Jun 10, 2009 at 4:49 pm rating: 1
- #37.2 Mark
  
  Herpes herpes bo berpes
  
  Jun 10, 2009 at 5:00 pm rating: 1
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Presenting the new Mercedes-Benz No-Class (52)
- Brian H: In my state if someone is blocking or partially blocking your driveway you can have it towed.
- Jami: Beatus, I have so many I’m tempted to just make a YouTube video rant. People who can’t obey stop...
- Pkay: I believe that an asshat is equivalent to a douche canoe.
- Rachel: Booked means fined.
- Rachel: In Australia we call them assholes. What on earth is an asshat?

funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

Why can’t you act professional?

June 8th, 2009 · 146 comments

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