That personalized “missing jelly jar” stationery finally comes in handy…

June 10th, 2009 · 132 comments

Extra P in Charlottesville, Virginia found this note in his office break room. He draws our attention to two sections in particular: “the ‘let there be closure’ line, which seems more appropriate for a break-up note, and the ‘mark an X if you threw it away’ part, which reminds me of grade school mash notes. Besides, what did our local kleptomaniac want with a jelly jar full of water, anyway?”

Missing jelly jar please return

related: Next time, go for the Fiji?

Missing jelly jar please return. The night before last I put a kelly jar on the dish rack full of water, to soak. It has a water tight lid. I know it doesn’t seem like something important, but I would like it back. If you have it, please bring it back. If you threw it away, please let me know so there can be closure. Thank you.

FILED UNDER: Charlottesville · office · stealing · Virginia


132 responses so far ↓

  • #1   eddy

    X

    Sorry ’bout that. I like throwing away jars full of water.

    Jun 10, 2009 at 11:40 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Katie

    Must have been some jar…

    Jun 10, 2009 at 11:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   park rose

      Well, whiskey is to the Irishman , is as water was to Jesus (?) [same end result, any way].

      Hell, they even made a song about it.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:27 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   racerx2233

      There’s whiskey in the jar’ O

      Team Thin Lizzy fucking rocks!

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   park rose

      I wasn’t going with Thin Lizzy, but not to worry, same song. Usually great, no matter who covers it.

      I think it should read I put a jelly jar on the dish rack full of water a clear liquid to because I’m a soak, and a bold deceiver.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Joe bang

      Missing jelly jar:
      please return

      Well, yes, it was an amazing jar. It was capable of reading and returning on its own.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 8:12 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   park rose bang

      But Joe, Jar gone.
      Notewriter doesn’t realise that the glassware can only read specialized journals dealing in fibre optics.

      There’s no hope.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 9:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   park rose

    It had a water tight lid. You’ve got your closure right there.

    Jun 10, 2009 at 11:52 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   TheOldSchool

      Wet AND tight?

      He should be offering a reward.

      Jun 10, 2009 at 11:58 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   park rose

      You talking about t-shirts again, TOS, and those less than salubrious competitions you attend and participate in? ;) Though man-boobs, moobs, don’t do it for all.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   TheOldSchool

      I was referring to the storage of liquids in air-tight containers. I haven’t seen t-shirts with that design motif, but now, I’ll be actively looking for one.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   park rose

      nothing to see… sorry.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   TheOldSchool

      You’re wrong, Rose. Only the jar is clear. The lid is visibly opaque.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   park rose

    Of course the ‘let there be closure’ line, seems more appropriate for a break-up note. She’s missing her jelly jar. What more do you expect? Heart is the lonely hunter…

    Jun 10, 2009 at 11:54 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   TheOldSchool

    Did the “Missing jelly jar

    please return”

    stationery come from Trader Joe’s?

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:02 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   park rose

      10 cent refund at your local supermarket.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:16 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   racerx2233

      oops

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   oi!

    title printed, note hand written. I wonder what happened in between?
    the night before last what? I mean she crossed out night so it must be something else.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   TheOldSchool

      oi,

      The note writer is a male. Who else would take the time to lovingly place the jar full of water in the dish rack?

      He’s so sweet and sentimental. Maybe we should pass his jar around and collect money to buy him one just like it.

      I’d be willing to personally take the firm tap in hand and tenderly fill it with water. And if there’s no tap available, I’ll fill it with the tears I’ll be crying until that jar is replaced.

      Why did I steal it anyway? I don’t know. Kicks, I guess. A bit a laugh. Bragging rights. Macho posturing. The lure of hitting the bigtime on eBay. I was just in one of those jar-stealing moods….

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:03 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   TheOldSchool

    Pardon me for being for being slightly squeamish, but am I the only one who finds it distastefully awkward that this missing jar note was sent by someone called “extra p”?

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:06 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   park rose

      The agony and the extrapy?
      or should that be
      The ecstacy and the extrapy?
      It might explain a lot.
      or am I way off beam?

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Upstater

      I think that’s what was in the jar.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 7:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   park rose

    I love this note.
    The night before last night
    She realises this is her opus. She notices the redundancy and strikes out the offending word. She realises that if her appeal to all the thieves of water-filled jelly jars out there is to be taken seriously, she better get the phrasing right. However, the jelly jar was not full of water, the dish rack was. Why couldn’t she have waited just one more night, committed one more night to thorough and careful proof-reading, before she exposed her note of lovelorn lost to the office break room? Then, and only then, might the world have sat up and paid attention to her plea, her entreaties. Then and only then might there have been a chance of the beloved jelly jar being found and returned.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:07 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   MissMelony

      i read it that she mixed up her nights… she first wrote “last night” then realized it was the night before last… and she didnt want to say ‘the night before last night”…hmmm

      Jun 11, 2009 at 5:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   park rose bang

      On re-reading, you’re probably right, MissM. The capital ‘L’ gives it away. Oh well, I’ll change her backstory to having a major in creative writing to having one in economics. I know someone mentioned this before, but further down the thread, too.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 10:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   oi!

    did she provide a pen too?
    If not her jelly jar will never ever rest in peace.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:13 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   TheOldSchool

      oi, I’ll bet that it is already “resting [soaking] in peace [extra p's pee].”

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   fluffy8u

      Oi, it could be resting in pieces.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 4:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   natewrites

    Lordy. Let’s not forget the upward handwriting. What. The. fuck. I guess it’s spunky. The “X” marks the spot, very covert!!

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   park rose

      I think we’ve pin-pointed the note-writer’s identity. His surname is Silver, his first name is Long. Yet more proof to back up my theory that it wasn’t water that was sealed in that jar.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   MissMelony

      why does it seem the board always wants to make the note writers men? If anything I would think the default would be women since we are pioneers in the PAN field

      Jun 11, 2009 at 11:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   BrookeDiz

      I’m only half way through the comments but the main thought I’m having is…

      park rose is in manic phase today.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   oi!

      yes Missmelony I back you up there. see# 6.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   walkinthepark

      Which she-pirate would you suggest, MM? And if you read through, I think there’s a mix of gender distribution in the comments on this note. On PAN generally speaking, there is an assumption that the note writers are female.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 2:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   MissMelony

      Well then we are in agreement… I just find it interesting when the gender changes as you read the comments… but hey to each his own “nobody’s perfect” …

      Jun 12, 2009 at 2:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   natewrites

    LOL. What about the uphill writing? What’s that all about. And the fill in the blank, that’s classic!

    Closure’s very important when in the grieving process of a jelly jar. It took me months to get over mine when it ran off.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   park rose

      With the dish and the spoon, right?

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:21 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   ClickClack bang

      Yes, rose, and while some thought Natewrites would be over the moon about no longer having the responsibility to keep his jar feeling fulfilled, he just sat there in stunned disbelief…. glassy-eyed. He couldn’t contain his grief, and nearly flipped his lid.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Sirius¤ bang

      At least the little dog got a laugh out of it.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   fluffy8u

      According to handwriting specialists, up hill writing, means content, even happiness.

      Perhaps the missing jar isn’t really a sad event. Perhaps it’s something like “Well, since you threw away my jar, would you mind cleaning my bathroom?” A lot of guilt trips could come from this. No wonder the writer is so content.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 4:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   racerx2233

    I am seeing her find the jar broken in the trash and she scoops it gingerly into an old cigar box lined with one of her favorite satin slips. She then buries it in the rose garden under a hand made grave marker which reads…

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:43 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   park rose

      Who put the jelly in the jelly jar?

      Sorry… my dopamine receptors are doing strange things…

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:34 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   ClickClack bang

      Don’t let TOS find out you’re in a receptive mood.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   plausibletheories bang

    I love that the note is updated every day, just so that everyone knows EXACTLY WHICH NIGHT the jam jar full of vodka was stolen/misplaced/trashed.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:48 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Sirius¤ bang

      That is a plausible theory: “If you threw it away, mark the X so I can stop worrying that someone will open it and find out I’ve been sneaking tater juice shots at lunch every day.”

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   TheOldSchool

    I don’t mean to sound cold, but I’d like the headline better if it read, “the polarized stationery finally comes in handy.”

    But maybe that’s just me. (All of my stationery is polarized.)

    Jun 11, 2009 at 1:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   park rose

      That’s just your manic magnetic personality at work, ToS.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   TheOldSchool

      Maybe that’s why I find you so attractive, Rose.

      OK, a neutron walks into a bar, asks the bartender the cost of a scotch and soda. Bartender takes a look at him and says: “For you, no charge.”

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:44 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Mark bang

      So this hydrogen atom walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and orders a beer. He says to the bartender, ‘I think I’ve lost an electron.’ The bartender says, ‘Are you sure?’ The electron says, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

      Jun 11, 2009 at 10:43 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   park rose

    What, with Virginia in this note, and a possible she-wolf in the last (the hula-skirt gave it away), I feel an Edward Albee play coming on…

    Jun 11, 2009 at 1:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   TheOldSchool

    “Hula’s Afraid of Virginia Lamu?”

    Jun 11, 2009 at 1:23 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   park rose

      Well, if Hula’s afraid, I’m sure that Hulu will pick it up.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 8:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   leftfoot

    uh…. duh…. ask the cleaning staff..

    usually they are informed to throw people’s shit away that’s left abandoned. If you didn’t want your stupid jar tossed, then you should have taken it home.

    silly bint.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 1:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   ClickClack bang

      It’s true that counting off your comment in French gives you quite a continental flair, but you omitted “twah….catruh.” If you count that way while dancing, you’ll soon be known as 2leftfoot.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   fluffy8u

      Or “duhleftfeet” but I think it’s spelled “deux.”

      Jun 11, 2009 at 5:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   ClickClack bang

      D’eaux!

      Jun 11, 2009 at 5:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   TheOldSchool

      Merde Sainte!

      Jun 11, 2009 at 6:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.5   fluffy8u

      Vive la révolution!! Wait, that’s not right.
      Vive la jarre de gelée!

      Jun 11, 2009 at 7:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Liz

    this has got to be one of my favorites! “Please let me know so there can be closure” — I’m going to use that one with my kids

    Jun 11, 2009 at 1:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   park rose

    Okay, I finally figured out where the line from 12.1 was coming from. LJS keeps the beat by thumping his peg leg on the wooden floor. Whether he actually has a peg leg is a moot point.

    LJS : Who stole the jelly from the jelly jar?
    rose stole the jelly from the jelly jar.
    rose: Who me?
    LJS: Yes, you!
    rose: Not me!/Couldn’t be!/Wasn’t me!
    LJS: Then who?
    rose : Mishee stole the jelly from the jelly jar.
    Mishee : Who me?
    rose & LJS : Yes, you!
    Mishee: Not me!/Couldn’t be!/Wasn’t me!
    rose & LJS: Then who?
    Mishee: Extra p stole the jelly from the jelly jar.
    Extra p : Who me?
    Mishee & rose & LJS : Yes, you.
    Extra p: Not me!/Couldn’t be!/Wasn’t me!
    Mishee & rose & LJS: Then who?…

    Look, I know it was a sealed Jelly Jar full of water that was stolen from the dish rack, but it just didn’t complement the rhyme scheme ;)

    Jun 11, 2009 at 5:33 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Okay, rose, thanks for the worst earworm ever!

      Jun 11, 2009 at 7:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   park rose

      It’s the gift that just keeps on giving, WotV :mrgreen:

      You could throw in some piratese as well. If you wished.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 8:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   oi!

      @rose: hee hee hee. I had to lol.This one fits best as she needs closure for jelly jar.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Geek Goddess

      Well, obviously it was full of water because someone stole the jelly from the jelly jar, and the water is there to preserve what is left of the evidence.

      *preserve*

      Jun 11, 2009 at 2:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   anglophile bang

    What’s really going on there was that the jar was in the embryonic stage of a Molotov Cocktail, filled with gas, not water, waiting for its dish-towel fuse. The notewriter is annoyed, because now she has to wait until she empties another jelly jar before she can burn the place down, and that’s going to take a while, because how many crumpets can one eat in a week?

    Jun 11, 2009 at 6:44 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   mamason bang

      25. *uuurrp* One can eat 25 crumpets in a week.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 2:42 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   fluffy8u

      She could make peanut butter and jellys for a day care center. Not only would that quicken the speed of using up the jelly, it would also be an act of service and charety. Now, itsn’t that a pleasent solution? :)

      Jun 11, 2009 at 5:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   ClickClack bang

      That’s what was in the jar of mystery before it disappeared: a pleasant solution.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 5:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Woman on the Verge bang

    Oedipus is mourning the loss of the jelly jar his mother had lovingly filled with breast milk for him. How can he possibly get his free refills now?

    Jun 11, 2009 at 6:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   ClickClack bang

      Why buy the cow jar….

      Jun 11, 2009 at 5:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Woman on the Verge bang

    Imagine the torment if someone puts an “O” on the line. Will spontaneous tic-tac-toe ruin the chances of closure?

    Jun 11, 2009 at 6:49 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   stickman

    meh

    Jun 11, 2009 at 7:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   aaa

      How cromulent of you.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 8:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   aaa

    This reminds me of A Christmas Story.

    Miss Shields: Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this, but he has refused to say who. But those who did it know their blame, and I’m sure that the guilt you feel is far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don’t you feel terrible? Don’t you feel remorse for what you have done? Well, that’s all I’m going to say about poor Flick.
    Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 8:03 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   aaa

    Don’t they always tell you not to leave your valuables in a place where people can get at them? Granted, I’m not sure how monetarily valuable a jelly jar is, but darnit, that jar sure meant a lot to whoever wrote that note!

    Jun 11, 2009 at 8:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   claw71 bang

    September 23, 2011

    “Well, doctor, I’ve been obsessed about collecting and locking away jelly jars ever since that really cool one with the water-tight lid was stolen from me.”

    Jun 11, 2009 at 8:59 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Canthz_B bang

    Typed opening and handwritten details?

    Must be a pretty severe case of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome!

    Jun 11, 2009 at 9:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   T to O bang

    When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
    With Jelly jars of water, Let it be.
    Though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they might see
    A jelly jar of water, Let it be.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 9:22 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   claw71 bang

    As a Gen-Xer I have come to hate the term “closure”. I understand the importance of resolving things but to me the 90s was the “closure” decade. It’s like everybody my age wanted a cookie. I don’t know why. I blame post-goth, grunge wannabes like Ethan Hawke and Winona Ryder. So much vying for validation while acting like they were too cool to care. A bunch of whimpering pansies we were.

    I suppose that’s what happens when your Grandparents start browbeating you with tales of how great they were. Surviving the Great Depression, fighting back the scourge of NAZI Germany, and then getting called right back into the Cold War. They were the ultimate patriots and they never let you forget it. Then Tom Brokaw had to come along and jerk them off with his tome, The Greatest Generation. Thanks a lot Tom, I can’t speak for everybody else but my Grandparents wore that shit like a badge. Read this book, claw71. Read it and understand. Understand that you owe us. You owe us everything. Now run to the store and get me a big box of Depends.

    At least they died before they sucked every bit of the zest for life out of me. They did a hell of a job convincing me that the world was going to end in THE YEAR 2000, which is why I never really felt the need to excel in my studies or worry about holding down a good job, but they kicked the bucket before I blew my brains out like Cobain. That’s why he did it, you know. He was a GOD but when he told his Grandmother she laughed in his face and told him he’d never be as good as Mel Torme. His parents were no better. Our generation wrote the book on Rock music, Curt. We don’t know why you’re wasting your time.

    Our parents didn’t help matters much. They managed to turn dodging the draft and smoking dope into some sort of revolution. Basically they partied for 10 years but to hear them tell it, they were in the trenches making the world a better place for our undeserving asses. We weren’t worthy and we never would be. Our Grandparents agreed.

    So Gen-X grew up feeling like crap and half-believing that we were all going to die in some horrific apocalyptic disaster in THE YEAR 2000. We were worthless and we’d never amount to anything.

    As we got older we pierced our faces, shoplifted stuff on Rodeo Drive and started our quest for something called “closure”. By the late 90s it was a fucking buzz word. If Starbucks didn’t give you skim milk you called their customer service line for “closure”. We fought with our parents at our grandparents funerals in hopes of reaching “closure”. If your roomie borrowed your socks you were forced to pout until he gave you “closure”.

    Now it’s 2009 and most of Generation X is staring down the barrel of the big FOUR OH. Some of us are already there. We’ve resigned ourselves to the fact that life is going to keep rolling whether we get “closure” or not, so most of us just plug along.

    We don’t try to make the younger generations feel bad even though it’s painfully obvious they’re a bunch of spoiled little punks who don’t know what it was like to live in an era before you could watch HULU or listen to MP3s on your phone. Back in our day, you had to listen to music on a portable CD player that would skip every time you moved. One second you’re jamming to If I could turn back time and the next Will Smith was Gettin Jiggy Widit. Phones where as big as shoe boxes, weighed as much as a cinder block and they gave you cancer instantly. All you got in return was a shitty phone call that got dropped before you could get any “closure.”

    Jun 11, 2009 at 9:46 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Eric

      dude. Either this is a Poe or a cry for a big get-the-fuck-over-it. I sincerely hope the former! (It’s funny, though, that’s for sure!)

      Jun 11, 2009 at 9:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   tahall62

      OK, alright already. I’ll give you your damned jelly jar back.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 10:34 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   aaa

      claw, don’t you know that us Gen Y folks are damn fucking glad we have all the bitchin things we have now. I remember a time when the only computer games I had were 2D and we didn’t even have cell phones or the internet. Us Gen Yers don’t need closure, we’re out to claim what’s rightfully ours. But now that we have all this bitchin technology, it’s our God-given right to have and maintain our level of technological comfort. Why shouldn’t I be able to text my buds from high school while listening to ironic songs on my iPod while also playing on my PS2 (I don’t have a PS3 yet, but I damn well fucking deserve one!) and chatting with man hoes via webcam. I mean, it’s my right as an American to get what I want, when I want, and how I want it. How else can I prove that I’m a beautiful and unique individual (more beautiful and unique than you can ever be) unless all my whims and desires are instantly fulfilled?

      Jun 11, 2009 at 10:41 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   oi!

      No I am the uniquest

      (just like everybody else)
      shut up you subconscious!

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   Sirius¤ bang

      Alicia @ #38 is on a uniquest.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.6   anglophile bang

      Right on, claw. Why, in our day, if you wanted to watch some guy streak across the football field again, you had to have had the presence of mind to have been taping the game on your VCR in the first place. Then you had to wait until the game was all the way over or you’d screw up taping the rest of it. Then you had to unwind it, starting and stopping about a million times until you got within 10 minutes of the big event to finally get a chance to see it again. We didn’t have these fancy-schmancy dvrs, with their pause-live-action capability, nor did we have youtube broadcasting it within 10 minutes of the event.

      We did have actual music videos on MTV, though, so that’s something.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.7   Sirius¤ bang

      As usual, Clawfucius is right. The term ‘closure’ has become a whiny demand, not for resolution but for reward. Any time you hear the extended family of a ‘victim’ saying that all they need is closure, what they really want is a large cash settlement and/or a book deal.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 2:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.8   TheOldSchool

      Claw,

      Surely, you’re not suggesting that Cobain was a better singer than Mel Torme?

      Mel was was of the greatest scat singers EVER.

      While I no longer listen to any music (because I feel it’s over-rated*), I am respectful of greatness, and Mr. Torme was truly one of the greatest.

      I agree with you on the word, “closure.” It sucks.

      I would add another word to the list of awful words: “clothier.”

      “Wellness,” too.

      * Other things that I “feel” are over-rated: art, religion, patriotism, money, literature, sex, shopping, films, masturbation, clothing, celibacy, television, nature, Trader Joe’s, and life itself.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 5:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Eric

    Perhaps the “put an x here” was to help keep it anonymous. Writing “yes” might give away who it was by virtue of handwriting…

    Jun 11, 2009 at 9:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   walkinthepark

      maybe the line represents the smelly armpit of an employee of an in-house call center for a giant of the aerospace industry somewhere in Seattle.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 7:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   jenny h

    I like the typed portion accompanied by the hand-written complaint, like the missing jelly jar has its own stationary in case of instances like these.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 10:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   park rose bang

      But if it did, then it wouldn’t be missing, surely.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 10:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   aaa

    Am I the only one wondering what was in that jelly jar before it was left to soak?

    Jun 11, 2009 at 10:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   ClickClack bang

      Yes.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 12:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   NewMoon

      Am I the only one wondering if it was a Flintstones jelly jar?

      Jun 11, 2009 at 2:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   Neeners

      It was a urine sample, she lost the container the doctors office gave her, a jelly jar was the next best thing.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 4:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   T.U.M.

    Obviously class warfare. Where I come from, a jelly jar is a dish. Some toffee-nosed middle-class nob probably thought it was only a transient container for storebought confitures, and buys his dishes empty in a department store or something.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 10:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   park rose bang

      glass warfare?

      Jun 11, 2009 at 11:29 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   GhostWriter bang

    If our notewriter would just open the breakroom refrigerator, he would see his jar being put to good use; preserving a cat’s head.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 11:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Neeners

    I love this note. It takes me back to elementary school and junior high days when we passed notes and made little ‘check off’ boxes for the receiver.

    The first line reminds me of that hand clapping game we used to play in grade school.

    ‘Not last night but the night before, twenty four robbers came knocking at my door, as I ran out, they ran in, ……. and stole my f$%ckin water tight jelly jar” Sorry couldn’t make it rhyme.

    In the case of the MIA jelly jar: For gods sake, someone please give this person closure will ya. It is hell not knowing if your jelly jar will be returned or if it is ok, or (sob) broken somewhere in a back alley.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   walkinthepark

      …and stole my f$%ckin water tight jelly jar” Sorry couldn’t make it rhyme.

      Just replace ‘jar’ with ‘tin’. Not accurate, but close enough for a rhyme.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 2:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   NewMoon

    Jordon?
    Did u take my jelly jar?
    Can we meet for coffee?
    love, Meg

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   fluffy8u

      Is Meg going to slip Jordon the arsinic?

      Jun 11, 2009 at 7:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   TheOldSchool

      No. She’ll grab the old lice.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 8:18 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.3   fluffy8u

      How classy! I bet she’ll take a trip down to Panama afterwards!

      Jun 11, 2009 at 10:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   oi!

    why she needs closure with jelly jar? I dont wanna go there. yesterday’s Equus/Pasiphae experience is traumatic enough.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   ClickClack bang

      Still ruminating over those, eh, oi?

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   oi!

      ROAR! Grrrrr!

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.3   Sirius¤ bang

      Eh, oi!

      Oh, sorry, I thought we were doing call-and-response.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   Alicia

    That jelly jar water was fucking delicious?

    Jun 11, 2009 at 12:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   fluffy8u

      No, being watered down jelly, it wasn’t that great.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 10:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   oi bang

    Missing jelly jar: please return.
    If she is asking missing jelly jar to come back she should be more expressive. She should let him know that he is being missed terribly and nobody will mention his disappearance if he returns.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 1:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Geek Goddess

    In reading quickly through the intro in order to get to the actual PAN, I misread it as “virginia found this note in his office break room”. I immediately blamed virginia’s parents for giving their son such a girlie name, and causing him to steal his co-workers’ cherished but otherwise valueless possessions. There is no closure for having grown up as a boy named ‘virginia’; why should there be closure for those with more gender-appropriate names?

    Jun 11, 2009 at 2:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   Kellye

      I totally made this mistake too. I was humming “A Boy Named Sue” the entire time I read the note.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 2:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.2   mamason bang

      I just found out that I can’t read and hum at the same time.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 2:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.3   Sirius¤ bang

      As it should be; when she is humming, she should concentrate on the ____ job at hand.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 3:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.4   TheOldSchool

      Hear, hear.

      No, wait.

      Here, here.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 8:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.5   fluffy8u

      Their, their, TOS.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 10:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   Kellye

    I want someone to scrawl NEVER!!! across this entire note.

    Then to tape a lovingly-clipped ransom note over it, saying that the jelly jar of water vodka will be returned in exchange for two million unmarked packets of Sweet & Low.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 2:18 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   fluffy8u

      Something similar happened to me at work. On my desk I had a little plastic shark tank with two plastic sharks (named Clam and Chowder, respectively). One day I went into work and low and behold–Clam was missing! A note was placed on my desk asking for 23 brown MnMs, 52 “bajillion” dollors, 4 Snicker bars, and a red stapeler. Instead I went to In’n'Out, got a doubledouble, sat it on my desk, left a note saying “If you don’t return Clam, you will be turned into ground beef and sold to a local fast food joint,” and left. I came back 5 minuets later, the burger was gone and Clam was returned! YAY!

      The moral of this lesson is that you will get your stuff returned faster if you make threats.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 11:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   Bradley

    Why was he soaking a jelly jar? What was he going to use it for? Why not do something normal like buy a damn food container? This passes the line into cheap-ass in my book, and I don’t like it. I probably would’ve thrown his jar away if I had been there too.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 2:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   mamason bang

      Listen up, y’all. Here in Virginia, Old Dominion, Mother of Presidents, Mother of States, a jelly jar is a must have for when you’re drinkin’ your sweet-tea. And if you’ve got one with a water tight lid, well then, you hold on to it. I can’t believe it was left unattended for any length of time.

      Jun 11, 2009 at 3:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   fluffy8u

      The Virginians all say, “Mmm… sweet-tea and boiled peanuts.”

      Jun 11, 2009 at 11:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   Patrick

    Cville Va, holla’.

    Let’s not stereotype all of Virginia based on this note. Charlottesville has as many whiny yuppies and dirty hippies as moonshine-swillin’ yokels.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 3:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   Sirius¤ bang

      “Let’s not stereotype…”

      First time here, Patrick?

      Jun 11, 2009 at 4:11 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.2   fluffy8u

      Ha ha ha!!! “Let’s not sterotype…” Ha ha ha!!! Oh, that cracks me up…

      Jun 11, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   a non-eMuss bang

    i have to say this must have been a jarring experience for all involved (sorry had to)

    Jun 11, 2009 at 4:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   ClickClack bang

    The bottler did it.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 5:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #46   hungrygrrl

    Oh god this sounds like something my ex roommate would have written. However, SHE didn’t have a job, just an unhealthy emotional attachment to meaningless “possessions” like Tupperware and candles. And jelly jars, I’m sure.

    Jun 11, 2009 at 9:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   sarah

    Dear OCD,
    I am sorry for throwing away your jar. But the truth of the matter is, it had to be done. Your note failed to mention the fact that you have at least 40 OTHER old jelly jars that I keep finding in various places around the kitchen.
    It is weird for many, many reasons.
    And before you ask, yes, I also threw out the pickle jars.

    Jun 13, 2009 at 1:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #47.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      And the 150 empty butter tubs with out lids.

      Jun 13, 2009 at 1:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #48   word association

    one man one cup. i wouldnt want it back.

    Jun 16, 2009 at 7:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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