…but I hope it was good

June 18th, 2009 · 164 comments

…because there’s no measure of self-worth more important than the public acknowledgment that you were, in fact, born.

related: but…but…i didn’t forget!

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FILED UNDER: birthday · facebook · frenemies

164 responses so far ↓

#1 Krystyn

I am so glad I found this site!! I love coming here and laughing my ass off. ‘Specially to people’s facebook updates!!

Jun 18, 2009 at 11:20 am rating: +8

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#2 CS harmonikah

I never acknowledge anyone’s birthday on Facebook. It reminds you of everyone’s birthday, so it doesnt feel genuine.

Jun 18, 2009 at 11:20 am rating: +18

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- #2.1 TheOldSchool
  
  Well said, CS.
  
  Whenever people wish me a happy birthday, I immediately question their motives.
  
  Why are they wishing me a happy birthay?
  
  And … why now?
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 12:01 pm rating: +8
- #2.2 park rose
  
  Hey ToS,
  Happy Birthday.
  Why now?
  Why not?
  
  Imagine, if He were alive, and some say He is, the conundrum Jesus would face every time someone wished Him Happy Birthday.
  He’d have to tactfully ascertain whether they were Russian Orthodox, or one of the others, or whether they were just pagans pretending it was His birthday so they could keep their heathen holidays and celebrations. I mean, if your birthday falls on a few days, you have to check out who is genuine, and who isn’t. He’d also do best to check that the person offering him felicitations wasn’t named Pontius.
  I think that your suspicions are warranted, not that I think you’re the messiah, you’re just a very naughty boy
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 4:45 pm rating: +8
- #2.3 TheOldSchool
  
  I’ll bet Jesus would get the most cross at the “Good Friday” well-wishers.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 9:38 pm rating: +11
- #2.4 Canthz_B
  
  You just know TGIF is not where he’d celebrate Good Friday!!
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 9:46 pm rating: +1
- #2.5 MAMARILLA2
  
  Yes, you nailed it.
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 2:54 pm rating: +6
- #2.6 TheOldSchool
  
  I think the bible needs a rewrite. We’ll stick with the basic outline: yeah, he still get nailed to cross on Friday — that part works.
  
  (Syd Field says drama is: 1)put your man up a tree, 2) throw rocks at him, 3) get him down.)
  
  O.K., we’ve got our young hunk up the tree. Now let’s have a roman orgy at his feet to taunt him. I don’t known if rocks were around in biblical times; if so, let’s throw them at him.
  
  Sunday comes. Jesus has been so turned on by the orgy, that the blood surging throughout his body has turned him into a human hard-on, a la
  “Hulk,” or one of those body-builder steroid dudes. “The Crucifixator: Resurrection Day.”
  
  Laid-back slacker super hero with a motley band of totally gay, yet still oddly nerdy, disciples take names and kick ass in J-town.
  
  (I’m thinking: Robert Downey Jr. as JC. Ben Stiller as Peter. David Cross as Paul. Sarah Silverman as Mary. And let’s see if we can get George Lucas to create a satanic “Puff the Magic Dragon.” The dragon enters only after JC and company think they’ve already won.)
  
  Who has studio connections? Let’s get this joint rolling.
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 3:48 pm rating: +6
- #2.7 pry
  
  you don’t know if rocks were around? well they were, although they were called stones. where do you think we get all the “he who is without sin shall cast the first stone” bullshit?
  
  Jun 21, 2009 at 1:01 pm rating: 0
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#3 CS harmonikah

It actually makes sense in the 2nd one. Dogs and wild bear-cat creatures are generally not friends.

Facebook is definitely providing some of the harshest exhibitions of passive aggressiveness.

Jun 18, 2009 at 11:24 am rating: +27

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- #3.1 unfortunate names
  
  agreed! besides the occasional note-wars on here, the facebook posts are my favorite.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 8:31 pm rating: +5
- #3.2 geeklygirly
  
  VERY thinly related trivia: The song “Hound Dog” was originally recorded by Big Mama Thornton, and Rufus Thomas Jr. recorded an “answer” to her song, sung to the same tune, called “Bear Cat”. So even in the musical world, hound dogs and bear cats have long been enemies.
  
  Factoid brought to you by Sun Studios in Memphis and http://reverendfrost.blogspot.com/2005/02/hound-dog.html
  
  … I’m boring. Sorry.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 4:52 am rating: +3
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#4 kt

social networking has killed real life interaction

Jun 18, 2009 at 11:47 am rating: +3

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- #4.1 Sirius¤
  
  No, social networking has brought real life interaction into the public colloseum for our endless amusement. Yay!
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 12:05 pm rating: +50
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#5 Woman on the Verge

If you read between the lines, Mark’s post actually says, “To all of you who forgot my birthday – Fuck you.”

Jun 18, 2009 at 11:54 am rating: +21

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- #5.1 Sirius¤
  
  “Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. Fuck you to everyone who didn’t. I wish you could have been there so I could fuck you in person.”
  
  *Is it (Facebook) Friday already? Tell the boss I’m going home*
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 12:01 pm rating: +23
- #5.2 Woman on the Verge
  
  I’m thinking that last sentence should read: I wish you could have been there so I could fuck you up in person.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 12:10 pm rating: +5
- #5.3 Sirius¤
  
  I don’t know; everyone deals with aloof friends in their own way. (Fuck ‘em!) It seems obvious to me what activity Jennifer feels has “dwindled into nothingness”. Clearly Mark has found someone else to blow out his candle.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 12:34 pm rating: +10
- #5.4 Joe
  
  @5.1: This is the third thing to happen this Thursday that usually happens to me on Fridays. I think I’m going to go mad.
  
  The other two things:
  - I usually go out for lunch on Friday with coworkers, but we had a farewell lunch at a Mongolian Grill for an employee leaving the company.
  - The HR folks usually remind us to fill out our time sheets on Friday, but they did it today, instead.
  
  I think the universe is conspiring to tell me not to go to work tomorrow.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 2:38 pm rating: +12
- #5.5 BrookeDiz
  
  Joe,
  
  It sounds as if your workplace will be locked up tighter than a drum Friday morning. Enjoy the generous unemployment checks!
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:17 pm rating: +5
- #5.6 park rose
  
  Sirius @ 5.3 . I think there is another reason why the friendship between Mark and Jennifer has dwindled. Mickey/Mark can’t quite put his finger upon it any longer, and this is Jennifer’s way of telling him so.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 11:44 pm rating: +5
- #5.7 TheOldSchool
  
  Firiuf,
  
  I have a loof friend. He’ll fuck anything on two legf.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 12:01 am rating: +4
- #5.8 oi
  
  f*** dead gay horse is giving me a finger
  (you are welcome Rose )
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 12:10 am rating: +5
- #5.9 park rose
  
  I gave you the finger, oi! or my thumb, at least. ♥
  
  ToS, loofahmahfao… but not literally, cos’ that might hurt. Somewhat.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 1:30 am rating: +3
- #5.10 geeklygirly
  
  Joe, you should definitely call in sick today. Sick of WORK! *rim-shot*
  
  Facebook Jennifer: nice job of pretending to give a shit that you forgot your friend/ex-friend/ex-fuck-buddy’s birthday!
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 4:56 am rating: +3
- #5.11 oi!
  
  *loves it when rose gives her finger or should I say thumps her *
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 7:10 pm rating: +1
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#6 auraline

Kudos for the fb icon cover ups! Nothing says passive-aggressive like a rainbow heart with snark!

Jun 18, 2009 at 11:57 am rating: +8

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#7 ABF

Ahahahahaha. I love facebook updates here. Passive aggression on the internet is the best.

Jun 18, 2009 at 12:06 pm rating: +4

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- #7.1 fluffy8u
  
  Nah, best on paper, becuase then people might do clip art or smily faces. They’re more creative on paper. On facebook, it’s just… there. I will give you that there is more of a subject variety on FB, not just the usual “who stole my hotpocket” (but those are always my personal favorites).
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:29 pm rating: +4
- #7.2 ryanmalloy
  
  Face it, fluffy, the post war is over!
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 4:58 pm rating: +1
- #7.3 fluffy8u
  
  *degected “oh”*
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 5:15 pm rating: 0
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#8 T imo®

At least we have your death-day to look forward to…hopefully sooner than later.

Jun 18, 2009 at 12:08 pm rating: +12

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- #8.1 monstrosity
  
  I read that in MoJoJoJo’s voice and it made me very happy, even though it wasn’t very redundant.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:19 pm rating: +3
- #8.2 T imo®
  
  We look forward to your death-day which is to say the time, within 24 hours which will mark you expiration, or a date in the future that we will celebrate no longer having you here. Probably with a devils food cake. Mwahahahahahahahahaha!
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 5:55 pm rating: +16
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#9 Flaboy2425

Well, Jenifer, that’s the way life is. You win a some. You lose some. If your friendship has “dwindled into nothingness,” deal with it. I doubt it dwindled all by itself. Saying that you are angry about it doesn’t help. It is like the person who, when offered a cigarette, instead of just saying, “No, thanks.” tacks on the unnecessary, “I don’t smoke.” If makes you sound “holier than thou.”

Jun 18, 2009 at 12:08 pm rating: +15

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- #9.1 fluffy8u
  
  Also, it takes two to tango. I find than if a friendship fails, maybe it’s not just the other person’s fault. A phone can not only recieve calls, it can also make out going ones as well. Pick up the phone! Ask Mark to go to lunch! With just a little bit of effort, you too can keep your relationships alive!
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:41 pm rating: +6
- #9.2 Sirius¤
  
  Now, go take on the day!
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:54 pm rating: +8
- #9.3 GK
  
  If someone has somehow found themselves under the impression I’m a smoker, you bet your ass I’m gonna correct them. Otherwise they might just think I’m refusing one this time around, but hey, we can be deathstick-buddies some other time! And I sure as hell don’t stick a “thanks” on my “no”.
  
  The prospect of someone looking down on me for saying it appears to have no effect. Possibly because I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of me, as a rule. Now stick that in your pipe and smoke it! (no pun intended)
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 2:53 am rating: +10
- #9.4 park rose
  
  Stick that in your juicer and extract it!
  
  Or stick that in the nest of comment #9 and extrapolate…(or revolve)…you can extrapolate anything you want…
  
  any takers?
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 5:19 am rating: +4
- #9.5 GhostWriter
  
  Weave that into your birdnested commentary and see who lays the first egg.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 9:52 am rating: +8
- #9.6 Flaboy2425
  
  Well GK, that just makes you come across as either the south end of a northbound horse or the north end of a southbound horse. Take your pick.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 10:18 am rating: +5
- #9.7 I Suck
  
  As if your comment makes you seem any other way.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 12:13 pm rating: 0
- #9.8 Canthz_B
  
  Wow, GK. For someone who doesn’t care what people think of you, you explain yourself a great deal.
  
  If someone offers you a ride, do you get defensive and “correct them” by saying “No! I drive!”? Or do you save that holier than thou attitude for people with habits/pleasures you don’t happen to like?
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 10:20 pm rating: +2
- #9.9 audie
  
  @9.6 dig a pony.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 10:27 pm rating: 0
- #9.10 TheOldSchool
  
  Must every note degenerate into sad tales about innocent men getting bucked off shetland ponies?
  
  I thought we’d gotten past that.
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 1:05 am rating: +1
- #9.11 MAMARILLA2
  
  Tos, we could have each note degenerate into a lurid tale of a busty lady getting…off a Clydesdale.
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 3:05 pm rating: +3
- #9.12 TheOldSchool
  
  Lady Bud-iva?
  
  Does anybody here have Anheuser-Busch connections? Let’s get this new Budweiser ad campaign rolling.
  
  Maybe we’ll have a global contest for who will be crowned Lady Bud-iva.
  
  The assholes as Miller will be pooping their pants. What can they counter with? “Catherine the Tastes Great?”
  
  Please! The King of Beers vs the Beers of Queens! Bring it on.
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 3:56 pm rating: +2
- #9.13 park rose
  
  Rilla – we could call it Ride a Cockhorse to Banbury Cross.
  
  Then it would incorporate both the pitches at 2.6, and possibly at 9.11, and pass the censors, and, according to Wikipedia, might be historically accurate.
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 8:14 pm rating: +1
- #9.14 GK
  
  Canthz_B, what is the Internet — and this site! — for if not for sneering at people I don’t know?! You’re undermining the fundamentals of reality here!
  
  And, no I don’t drive, and yes, I do save the attitude for people who try to foist habits onto me I hate. Surely that’s one of the best times to give attitude? Apart from when somebody’s Wrong On The Internet, of course. I think that one’s got the top spot for life.
  
  Jun 22, 2009 at 3:17 am rating: +2
- #9.15 Canthz_B
  
  And we care because?
  
  Fact is, most smokers are very courteous to non-smokers and will:
  1) Ask: “Is it OK if I smoke?”
  B) Move away from non-smokers, or
  iii) Wait until they are in an appropriate space to light up.
  
  Non-smokers are much more likely to be intolerant pricks.
  
  *dutifully blows smoke in GK’s general direction*
  
  Jun 22, 2009 at 8:27 am rating: +3
- #9.16 GK
  
  I don’t recall asking anyone to care what I thought. And the smokers in your area are obviously a lot less assholish than the ones around here, so congrats on that. Also also, my original comment was on my thoughts about people asking me to smoke, which is kinda a different matter altogether. But I love discussing your issue! Let’s have a conference
  
  Jun 22, 2009 at 9:23 am rating: +1
- #9.17 hairjunkie
  
  Forgive me for going back to the original topic here, but if Jennifer was so angry that their friendship had dwindled, why was she still his Facebook friend and why did she think she needed to take the time to tell him that their friendship had dwindled and she was angry about it?
  
  Jun 24, 2009 at 9:26 pm rating: +1
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#10 T imo®

Dear Mark,
Just because you celebrate the day your narcoleptic prostitute mom hatched your mongoloid seed doesn’t mean the rest of us do. Please quit being the Jehovah Witness of birthday wishing and keep them to yourself.

signed,
Emily and Jennifer

Jun 18, 2009 at 12:11 pm rating: +6

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- #10.1 Joe
  
  I’m confused. I thought Jehovah’s Witnesses didn’t celebrate birthdays. Will Mark’s congregation see his Facebook page and excommunicate him?
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 12:53 pm rating: +17
- #10.2 park rose
  
  Excommunicate. Nice one. That’s what ‘block this sender’, or whatever the equivalent on f/b is, is all about, right?
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 10:40 pm rating: +4
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#11 stickman

Happy Fucking Birthday! Now you better remember mine!

Jun 18, 2009 at 12:16 pm rating: +3

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#12 leftfoot

Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like a good, old-fashioned guilt trip.

Jun 18, 2009 at 12:19 pm rating: +8

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- #12.1 TheOldSchool
  
  What about big tits?
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 1:29 am rating: +6
- #12.2 T imo®
  
  Well okay but those are just going to look really weird on you.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 12:16 pm rating: +7
- #12.3 TheOldSchool
  
  T,
  
  Not THAT weird.
  
  Not if I wear heels.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 9:32 pm rating: +3
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#13 crackjob

Crackjob likes this.

Jun 18, 2009 at 12:26 pm rating: +7

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- #13.1 hairjunkie
  
  Crackjob doesn’t feel that PAN is “Facebook-like” enough!
  
  Jun 24, 2009 at 9:27 pm rating: +1
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#14 StopVoldemort

Facebook is basically the epitome of passive-aggressiveness. Just by adding some of the applications (Friend Facts…), you commit yourself to endless question-answering to earn “silver”… so you can figure out who said that you weren’t a loyal friend!
Passive-aggressiveness that no one will know about but you. Thank you, Facebook.

Jun 18, 2009 at 12:30 pm rating: +2

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- #14.1 CS harmonikah
  
  I’ve seen facebook quiz’s “how much do you know about *name*”. I can’t imagine the vanity of making a questionnaire about myself to judge how much my friends know about me.
  
  I prefer to assume i dont know/care about them, and they feel the same.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 1:22 pm rating: +11
- #14.2 mamason
  
  “I prefer to assume i dont know/care about them, and they feel the same”
  
  And this is how you feel about your friends?
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 3:39 pm rating: +13
- #14.3 CS harmonikah
  
  Yeah. perhaps it’s complete apathy.
  
  But even the people i enjoy being around and consider close friends, I dont care what “their favorite movie is, or how many countries they’ve visited or any of that shit that is in “friend quizzes”. And i do really think/hope they’d feel the same way.
  
  so……you want to be friends?
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:21 pm rating: +4
- #14.4 GK
  
  It sounds like a pretty low-effort relationship, so sure, why not. Is there any actual communication involved? And do we have to remember your birthday?
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 2:56 am rating: +8
- #14.5 geeklygirly
  
  I’m convinced that most Facebook “apps” are designed to give people new and creative ways to be passive-aggressive to their friends (and “friends”). Except the “bumper sticker” app, which is just awesome.
  
  And yes, you can “quote” me on that.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 5:00 am rating: +2
- #14.6 Diane
  
  I’d make one that said “Congratulations, you bastard! You forgot my birthday!”
  
  Jun 21, 2009 at 8:36 pm rating: 0
- #14.7 hairjunkie
  
  I made one of those “how well do you know me” quizzes to prove that nobody (not even my husband or mother) knows me!
  
  It worked!
  
  Jun 24, 2009 at 9:31 pm rating: 0
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#15 NotClever

So, can we call foul on people that screencap their own witty replies to Facebook updates? Maybe I’m just too used to Reddit.

Jun 18, 2009 at 12:52 pm rating: +2

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#16 oi

huh! why are you people hating on these guys? They are not at all childish for wanting their b’day to be remembered.
My birthday is the biggest fucking deal in the whole wide world. alright? I share it only with 140 thousand people.
Poverty, crime and other problems of the world are mundane stuff. My birthday on the other hand is celebration of MY precious presence in this world. Even if my own mother does not remember it I am THE most important man in the world. I am the axis of the earth’s rotation.

Jun 18, 2009 at 1:09 pm rating: +19

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- #16.1 zombieBlanco
  
  *axis of the earth’s rotation*
  
  Moving at the speed of gravity and clad only in the unitard and a cape made of post-its and duct tape, oi is a true PAN SuperHero.
  
  zB ♥s oi
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 1:28 pm rating: +13
- #16.2 G
  
  That cape made of post-its and duct tape sounds like a terrific Halloween costume.
  
  This being PAN, I feel an urge to tack on something like “I just wish I had some reason to wear a Halloween costume. Now you’ve made me think about how alone I am. Look how depressed you made me.”
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:12 pm rating: +4
- #16.3 oi!
  
  oi ♥s zB
  and oi ♥s her new costume. feels she has superpower to conquer this world.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:21 pm rating: +3
- #16.4 fluffy8u
  
  Be sure to wear youre underpants on the outside of your tights. That’s how all the cool superheros do it.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:58 pm rating: +3
- #16.5 oi!
  
  but lady gaga doesn’t! oh I see you said cool and not slutty.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 7:10 pm rating: +3
- #16.6 Woman on the Verge
  
  And here we thought it was all about Mishee…
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 7:30 am rating: +3
- #16.7 hairjunkie
  
  Yes… Happy Birthday, oi!!
  
  Jun 24, 2009 at 9:34 pm rating: 0
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#17 claw71

I didn’t wish you a happy birthday because, as a matter of principal, I take issue with the concept of celebrating the day you slithered out of your mother’s slimy, stretched and stinking vagina. Seriously, asswipe, what did YOU do to deserve recognition for that accomplishment? Maybe I’ll send your mom a card for carrying your useless ass around for 9 months, but you get nothing from me.

Jun 18, 2009 at 1:14 pm rating: +17

reply to this comment
- #17.1 oi!
  
  did you send a card to your mom, on your own birthday, Claw?
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 1:18 pm rating: +9
- #17.2 oi!
  
  What I did?
  don’t you think in your own words slithering out of my mom’s vagina amouns to something?
  At least my mom thought it did. She went around the whole block showing me off after my birth. and she updated every hour of my birth on the twitter too. And she never ever let any stranger to look at me without washing their eyes first! I am so precious and you can’t remember my b’day at least?
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 1:25 pm rating: +8
- #17.3 ryanmalloy
  
  @claw: “as a matter of principal”
  Would that be Principal Skinner?
  
  just asking…
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 1:44 pm rating: +8
- #17.4 oi!
  
  ok all the mistakes are corrected here.
  
  What did I do?
  don’t you think in your own words slithering out of my mom’s vagina amounts to something?
  At least my mom thought it did. She went around the block showing me off after my birth. she also updated every minute of my birth on the twitter. And she never ever lets any strangers look at me without washing their eyes first! I am so precious and you can’t remember my b’day at the least?
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 3:02 pm rating: +3
- #17.5 geeklygirly
  
  oi, does she give them hand sanitizer with which to wash their eyes before gazing upon you?
  
  I must admit, it’s really a burning question…
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 5:03 am rating: +4
- #17.6 oi!
  
  yep she invited coworkers over and offered stale potato chips too.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 12:21 pm rating: +1
- #17.7 NewMoon
  
  “slimy, stretched and stinking vagina. Seriously, asswipe”
  
  Either orifice.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 6:41 pm rating: +2
- #17.8 Snippy
  
  It’s not an either/orifice question.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 6:56 pm rating: +7
- #17.9 TheOldSchool
  
  Is it a “which orifice” question?
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 4:00 pm rating: +2
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#18 oi!

nevermind

Jun 18, 2009 at 1:23 pm rating: +3

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#19 CS harmonikah

Dear every person i went to high school with:

If we did not speak in high school, and have had nothing to do with each other for the last decade, Pleeeease do not try to “friend” me. We are not friends, if we were we’d have each other’s phone number/email address/ etc

Thanks

CS

Jun 18, 2009 at 1:25 pm rating: +25

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- #19.1 N/A
  
  Ditto only subsitute “random people I talk to on the internet.” If I really click with someone and I might hang with them in real life fine but I’ve had requests from people who openly hate me on some forums but think I want to be their facebook friend. Sure you think I’m scum and have told me I’m going to hell on more than one occasion, let me just give you access to pictures of my children and my home address.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:04 pm rating: +4
- #19.2 fluffy8u
  
  Okay, thanks, N/A! Also if you could give your your social security number and your mother’s maiden name, that would be lovely.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 5:03 pm rating: +6
- #19.3 geeklygirly
  
  fluffy, I knew those Nigerian scams were proliferating like bunnies on the interwebs, but I didn’t realize that the bunnies were actually proliferating them!
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 5:05 am rating: +3
- #19.4 N/A
  
  Sure, it’s 555-55-5555
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 9:59 am rating: +1
- #19.5 NewMoon
  
  Dear every person I went to high school with:
  
  If we have not spoken/written in 30 years do not ask what I have been up to.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 6:37 pm rating: 0
- #19.6 fluffy8u
  
  Bah, all Nigerian scams are performed by bunnies. That’s how they get you. ‘Cause they’re cute. Who can resist a cute bunny?
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 8:04 pm rating: 0
- #19.7 Bunnee
  
  Well, I know some people think I’m cute, but that’s not how I work a scam. Let’s just say that I don’t have Easter egg duty ever again!! Mwuhahahaha!
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 8:21 pm rating: +1
- #19.8 park rose
  
  Fluffy, at 19.6, You’re absolutely right. Glenn Close certainly couldn’t.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 8:36 pm rating: +2
- #19.9 Sabine
  
  So, are you ignoring my friend request or did you just delete it? I can send another if you did.
  
  Jun 21, 2009 at 12:43 am rating: +1
- #19.10 TheOldSchool
  
  No. It’s weird. My computer just eats stuff from certain people. I don’t know why.
  
  (Someone told me it’s called a “glitch.”)
  
  Jun 21, 2009 at 1:20 am rating: +2
- #19.11 fluffy8u
  
  No, Sab. It mysteriously deleted itself.
  
  Jun 21, 2009 at 1:26 am rating: 0
- #19.12 clumber
  
  Team ‘Dear Every Person I went to high school with ….’ Yeah that.
  
  Shorter version…
  ♥♥♥♥♥CS Harmonnnnamumble♥♥♥♥♥
  Hey, can we call you Mouth Organ for short?
  
  Jun 22, 2009 at 2:26 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#20 xs

this is the way the friendship ends, not with a bang but a dwindle-
into nothingness.

Jun 18, 2009 at 1:42 pm rating: +19

reply to this comment
- #20.1 Joe
  
  Some say the friendship will end in fire,
  Some say in ice-cold PA notes.
  
  (Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Kudos!)
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 1:55 pm rating: +9
- #20.2 HappyNat
  
  Old friendships never die, they just fade away.
  
  Unless your are a miserable person like Jennifer and then they end because everyone runs away from your self pity party screaming and the further they get away from you the more their life improves.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:07 pm rating: +2
- #20.3 park rose
  
  MacArthur imitates frost imitates eliot ?
  
  not too sure about the MacArthur.
  
  nice.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 10:47 pm rating: +5
- #20.4 Sirius¤
  
  Hey, at least you were able to suss out Frost. I was ready to guess Foreigner lyrics.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 12:07 am rating: +4
- #20.5 TheOldSchool
  
  For a second, I thought you weren’t being facetious, Sirius.
  
  As if foreigners can even speak English.*
  
  *It’s all that mumbo-jumbo, isn’t it? It’s so crazy, it’s looney. When will these outsiders get with the program?
  
  Sometimes, you just have to laugh. What else can you do? Grin? What would that accomplish? Very little, I’m sorry to say. Silly old twats.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 1:38 am rating: +3
- #20.6 park rose
  
  Sirius, I think Foreigner might fit with the concept a whole lot better than Frost. After all…after shivering over the dwindling that is nothingness for a while, they do then state
  you’re willing to sacrifice our love. It’s a song which expresses Jennifer’s sentiments perfectly, I’d say.
  Fire and Ice is a good response to the Wasteland, though. Okay… think I’ll meander away now.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 2:15 am rating: +3
- #20.7 Joe
  
  There is a place where the friendship ends
  And before the hate begins,
  And there the ice forms cold and white,
  And there the rage burns crimson bright,
  And there the mocking-bird rests from his flight
  To cool in the frenemy wind.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 9:37 am rating: +13
- #20.8 T imo®
  
  That. Well that right there is fucking awesome!
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 12:19 pm rating: +2
- #20.9 NewMoon
  
  It feels like the first time.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 6:29 pm rating: +1
- #20.10 Snippy
  
  ♫ I wanna know what love is…
  I want you to blow me ♫
  
  P.S. It’s urgent.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 6:59 pm rating: +3
- #20.11 NewMoon
  
  Down on love.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 7:18 pm rating: 0
- #20.12 TheOldSchool
  
  “When we met last night, he was so fascinated by everything I said, but … this morning … his interest seems to have diminished greatly.”
  
  Jun 21, 2009 at 1:30 am rating: 0
add to this thread
#21 N/A

Somehow my birthday always winds up eclipsed by another event. On my 18th b’day I was at a leaving party for a friend who was moving away. On my 21st my FIL insisted on taking me to a restaurant that I really hate because he thinks it’s the best place ever. I turn 30 on Sunday and I’m spending Saturday at a party for another friend that turns 30 on Friday. Oh yeah, and it’s father’s day too.

Jun 18, 2009 at 4:07 pm rating: +3

reply to this comment
- #21.1 BrookeDiz
  
  Happy Birthday, N/A!! Happy birthday!! Oh goody! It’s your birthday! I’m so glad you were born!! *doing happy dance* Have a wonderful Sunday!! You are the BEST!! Happy birthday, N/A!! Happy BIRTHDAY!!
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 4:24 pm rating: +2
- #21.2 fluffy8u
  
  Ya know…. I once had a friend who had a birthday on a very important day too. All day, she complained to me that nobody was remembering her birthday. I also, had forgotten about her birthday, but with a good excuse. I was worried about another closer friend whose parents where working in the World Trade Center, wondering if they were okay, hoping that my dear friend had not just become an orphan.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 5:15 pm rating: +4
- #21.3 GK
  
  If it wasn’t a closer friend, I’d be on Team Birthday. So what if some building somewhere got blown up (or down as the case may be)? But I’ll let you off.
  
  Maybe there’s a deeper explanation. I bet her friends had gotten her a skyscraper-shaped birthday cake, and then they were too embarrassed to bring it up. Lighting the candles would have been an awkward moment.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 3:09 am rating: +13
- #21.4 N/A
  
  It’s a sucky day to have a birthday, that’s for sure. My son’s b’day is 9/11 too and I actually had one woman tell me how sad it was that he’d never have a b’day party because it’s inappropriate to celebrate anything that day. OK, it’s bad taste to celebrate on the actual day something like that happens and maybe even the first anniversary but leaving it as a day of mourning forever? If we did that every time something bad happened we’d never have a happy day.
  
  I really don’t care about my b’day so it doesn’t bother me. I just find it amusing that there always seems to be something else going on and it’s not like I’m a party person, going out every day or even every month. My mother on the other hand was most annoyed that I went out. Apparently good kids stay home with their families on their 18th birthdays. Odd since I was under the impression that they all went out to the pub and bought their first legal drink.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 10:12 am rating: +9
add to this thread
#22 GhostWriter

Mark’s birthday is today?

Maybe he’s really Paul McCartney masquerading as Mark.

…and that makes Heather Mills our “Jennifer”.

I just know that puppy is Ringo.

I smell a Beatles parody song coming up…

Jun 18, 2009 at 4:21 pm rating: +5

reply to this comment
- #22.1 T imo®
  
  ♫ So it’s your birthday
  And you’re not having fun
  Another year over
  And a new one just begun
  And so put it on facebook
  and tell everyone
  The near and the dear one
  The old and the young
  
  Thanks for the birthday
  see you next Year
  I’ll have another party
  Without Jennifear ♪
  
  Okay so it is a Lennon song…
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 6:11 pm rating: +8
- #22.2 fluffy8u
  
  Meh, same thing.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 8:06 pm rating: +1
- #22.3 geeklygirly
  
  Timo, how about:
  
  You say it’s your birthday
  well whoop-de-fuckin’-do, yeah
  you say it’s your birthday
  they tell me it’s true, yeah
  I guess it’s your birthday
  happy birthday or whatever
  
  I couldn’t make it to your party party
  I’m sure it was a really awesome party
  sorry I had to miss your party party
  
  Did you get drunk and dance? (Birthday!)
  Did you take off your pants? (Birthday!)
  Did you puke in the plants? (PlaaaaaaaANTS!)
  
  You say it’s your birthday
  I don’t care like I should, yeah
  you say it’s your birthday
  I hope it’s been good, yeah
  I know it’s your birthday!
  Happy goddamn birthday to ya!!!
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 5:22 am rating: +14
- #22.4 park rose
  
  applauds gg (and thumbs her)!
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 5:48 am rating: +2
- #22.5 Snippy
  
  ♫ Thumbing in the way she moves…. ♫
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 7:05 pm rating: +5
- #22.6 geeklygirly
  
  ♫ Thumbing is the way she woos me… ?
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 7:54 pm rating: +1
- #22.7 park rose
  
  ♫ Attracts me like no other ~~plumber~~ thumber… ♫
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 7:54 pm rating: +1
- #22.8 oi!
  
  ♫ Like a moth to a flame… ♫
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 8:02 pm rating: +1
- #22.9 TheOldSchool
  
  I’ve never seen a flaming moth, but then I realized that’s probably what butterflies really are.
  
  Does anyone here have Pixar/Disney/Dreamworks animation connections?
  
  I’m visualizing a tale that turns the ugly duckling story on its head — the outre moth. The ultimate gay coming out/coming of age story. If we hurry we can get a voice-over by Ian McKellan.
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 4:06 pm rating: +3
add to this thread
#23 xs

even worse was the facebook gift she got him, a cupcake with the words “i hate you Mark” written in icing. (limited edition! only 10,000 left!)

Jun 18, 2009 at 4:27 pm rating: +4

reply to this comment
#24 fluffy8u

“I wish you could have been there…”

Where? At your birth?! Sorry, but I have no intention of seeing your trailer trash mother give birth to you in a Wal-Mart.

Jun 18, 2009 at 5:22 pm rating: +4

reply to this comment
- #24.1 T imo®
  
  I’ll have you know it was at Talladega!
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 6:14 pm rating: +3
- #24.2 fluffy8u
  
  Same thing.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 10:21 pm rating: +2
add to this thread
#25 TP

Everytime you post something from Facebook it reminds me why I don’t have an account there.

I almost want to get on there just so I can leave people PA notes.

Jun 18, 2009 at 6:25 pm rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #25.1 oi!
  
  cuz rite thing to do is go on facebook and demand attention from the people who don’t care about birthdays and what kinda movie you like.
  
  Jun 18, 2009 at 7:19 pm rating: +2
add to this thread
#26 Eccentric_Lady

You do know what they say don’t you? Growing older is mandatory, but Growing UP is optional!

Jun 18, 2009 at 10:02 pm rating: +4

reply to this comment
#27 Jinx

It seems, ironically, the older people get the more they care about their shitty birthdays and feel the whole world should party and bow before. Maybe it’s because they know they’re not so slowly inching their way to death?

I love how you could give a kid an empty box and a kazoo and it’s a good birthday. You don’t have to wish me a happy birthday, but if you happen to have a kazoo, it’s mine! XP

Jun 19, 2009 at 12:38 am rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #27.1 TheOldSchool
  
  Jinx,
  
  So true. My grandfather worked in the city.
  
  Everyday, for 45 years, something would fall off of a building and hit him on the head. Everyone told him if he didn’t quit working in the city, he would die.
  
  He did die.
  
  From cigarettes.*
  
  Now you know the rest of the story.
  
  * (The packs were heavier back then, I reckon.)
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 1:23 am rating: +6
- #27.2 park rose
  
  Actually, I disagree, Jinx.
  Not only do you need a kazoo, but you need a washboard, a gut bass, and a kalamazoo, and you gotta have rhythm to be able to dance while you double on the kazoo.
  
  In addition, you need a friend called Rooster, one called Blinky and one called Poorboy. I’m figuring that your real-life name is Willy.
  
  Of course you need the box. You’ve got to put the nickels in something.
  That’s what you need to keep kids happy, and what’s more, if you hear this little mix, even the oldies just gotta smile. As for the fate of said old timers… well, I’ll let you all just read the sad story above mine.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 1:55 am rating: +6
- #27.3 geeklygirly
  
  What’s a kalamazoo, exactly? A didgeridoo made in Wisconsin? An instrument that moos and cheers for the Packers?
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 5:26 am rating: +6
- #27.4 park rose
  
  You know what, gg? I asked myself that exact same question.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 5:46 am rating: +5
- #27.5 geeklygirly
  
  Crap! I didn’t remember until after the editing time ran out that Kalamazoo is in Michigan, not Wisconsin. So let me rephrase that:
  
  What’s a Kalamazoo, exactly? A didgeridoo made in Michigan? An instrument that roots for the Wolverines and builds unpopular cars?
  
  (Even though my mom is from Illinois and I have family in Michigan, I have always had trouble keeping Michigan and Wisconsin straight in my head, for some reason. Apologies to my north-midwestern neighbors.)
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 6:18 am rating: +5
- #27.6 GhostWriter
  
  Branded items aren’t always made in their namesake places. For example, all tuxedos are not made in Tennessee.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 9:45 am rating: +5
- #27.7 T imo®
  
  Oh Chumley is going to be soooo pissed!
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 12:26 pm rating: +3
- #27.8 clumber
  
  If anyone also needs a dog named Boo, I gotcha’ covered.
  
  Jun 22, 2009 at 2:29 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#28 Liz

I changed the date of birth on Facebook when my b-day came around and then back again to avoid looking like an ego.

Jun 19, 2009 at 12:46 am rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #28.1 park rose
  
  Off topic, but kind of reminds me of Mrs Hobson’s Choice by Alma Denny:
  
  What shall a woman
  Do with her ego
  Faced with the choice
  That it go or he go?
  
  I often dye my feathers black to avoid looking like an egret. So I hear where you’re coming from, Liz. When I get tired of looking like an ibis (and they come in all shades, including scarlet) I bleach them back to white, or the closest shade.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 2:04 am rating: +8
- #28.2 geeklygirly
  
  Wow… that seems like a lot of work to do to deny that you have a birthday just like everybody else. I mean, I guess you do avoid looking like an “ego” since no one is unduly inconvenienced by the knowledge of your birthday(?). But then people start spreading rumors about you having sprung fully formed from your father’s forehead, and the next thing you know they’re building you temples in Greece… the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it’s worth, to me!
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 5:27 am rating: +6
- #28.3 geeklygirly
  
  Oh, hey, that reminds me, my birthday is one month from today! Better start passive-aggressively reminding my friends now, so they can start passive-aggressively planning to be “busy” on the night of the party!
  
  Ah, I kid, I kid. If any of my friends actually did that…
  
  I’D CUT A BITCH.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 5:33 am rating: +5
- #28.4 N/A
  
  I used to have a fake birthdate on my Bebo account just because I don’t like putting my real birthdate on registration stuff on the internet. This was before I realized it was going to email all my friends and remind them of my birthday. You can tell which friends really know you then. I got a mix of ‘happy birthday’ messages and confused emails from people who didn’t think that was right.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 10:16 am rating: +3
add to this thread
#29 Quite Contrary

Jennifer who?

-Mark

Jun 19, 2009 at 12:48 am rating: +2

reply to this comment
- #29.1 park rose
  
  Jennifer who, questions mark.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 2:06 am rating: +11
- #29.2 geeklygirly
  
  Jennifer, who questions Mark and his apparent need to incessantly publicize his birthday.
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 6:22 am rating: +3
- #29.3 GhostWriter
  
  Jennifer, who questions negative Mark?
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 9:40 am rating: +4
- #29.4 park rose
  
  – ?
  
  or
  ? – ? (?)
  
  Jun 19, 2009 at 8:01 pm rating: +3
- #29.5 T imo®
  
  ?-?(?)
  ψ L = 1/2(1-γ5) ψ
  φ = υ
  ψ / γ5 – ?/ υ = !
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 3:53 pm rating: +6
- #29.6 park rose
  
  Timo, you’ve gone beyond my esoteric…though I’m sure others can read you
  
  You get my thumb, regardless, cos’ I’m kind of generous like that
  
  (I wasn’t sure what would happen if I threw mark into parentheses, but now I know).
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 5:51 pm rating: +1
add to this thread
#30 Canthz_B

I’ll start wishing happy birthdays when babies are born laughing and episiotomies are the stuff of distant memories.

Jun 19, 2009 at 10:33 pm rating: +1

reply to this comment
- #30.1 aaa
  
  See, that’s why you wish their mom a happy birthday.
  
  Although my ‘rents still get me crap for my birthday. And I’m not one to pass up free crap. XD
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 12:48 am rating: +2
- #30.2 Canthz_B
  
  Yeah, wish mom a happy birth-day, she was happy you were finally out…but poor dad has had his delusions shattered.
  He thought he was all that…until he saw your head come out of there!
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 11:52 am rating: 0
- #30.3 TheOldSchool
  
  “Episiotomy: The Angriest Inch”
  
  When heaven and hell were finally reunited, it wasn’t quite the shangrila that the lab-coat boys envisioned.
  
  Nice slice of life vignette. Nothing more. Let’s just send it to Hugh Laurie and see if his crew can wrap an episode around it.
  
  Jun 20, 2009 at 4:24 pm rating: +3
add to this thread
#31 aaa

‘Cuz, y’know, it totally makes sense to have somebody as your friend on the various social networking sites when they’re not actually your friend. Yeah!

Jun 20, 2009 at 12:47 am rating: +2

reply to this comment

If you could summarize BYU culture in one note… (79)
- JMonkey78: Yes a staple, like weird underoos, strange mission trips, strict rules, and multiple wives. Am I missing...
- JMonkey78: Those damn Baptist. They use too much water going around baptizing people. They are the cause of this...
It’s all about communication. And toilet paper. (88)
- Seanette: Assuming BF is not physically impaired, Team Mom.
- oi: “Seemingly innocent, but actually bursting with sarcasm comment “
- park rose: Put the cookies, down, Max, and back away from the computer. They’re creepers and sleepers,...

painfully polite and hilariously hostile writings from shared spaces the world over

…but I hope it was good

June 18th, 2009 · 164 comments

164 responses so far ↓

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