Happy reinforcing gender stereotypes day!

June 21st, 2009 · 113 comments

Writes Jim in Colorado: “When I attempt to cook, I typically use way too many pots, pans and utensils and sometimes tend to skip instructions. (I actually made hard-boiled eggs and set the smoke detectors off.) Anyway, the other night I made cheeseburger pie and forgot to precook the meat. I woke up the next morning and found this on the refrigerator.” </laugh track> Oh, dad!

FOOD DAD IS ALLOWED TO COOK: Hot dogs, hamburgers, grilled cheese, nuggets, pre-bagged meals, fast food, BBQ or grill, Mac + cheese, Deli stuff. FOOD DAD IS NOT ALLOWED TO COOK: Anything that requires more than 3 ingredients

related: No reading required, kids

FOOD DAD IS ALLOWED TO COOK: Hot dogs, hamburgers, grilled cheese, nuggets, pre-bagged meals, fast food, BBQ or grill, Mac + cheese, Deli stuff. FOOD DAD IS NOT ALLOWED TO COOK: Anything that requires more than 3 ingredients

FILED UNDER: food · kitchen · Moms & Dads


113 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Nicole

    Rude! I love my dad’s cooking!

    Jun 21, 2009 at 12:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Beth

      I love my dad’s cooking, too.

      But he knows how to cook.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Joe bang

      In this case, it sounds like the rules are needed for everyone’s safety.

      Team “No Food Poisoning.”

      Jun 21, 2009 at 2:49 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Mike Hawke

      Also for Team“No Food Poisoning”

      But, I can cook and have the reviews that say so. Dad’s can be Top Chefs. It is good to recognize your limitations though.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 3:34 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   TheOldSchool

      People say, “a watched pot never boils.”

      Wrong. Four minutes and eleven seconds.

      (And I stared at it the entire time.)

      Don’t believe me? Take the challenge. I’m sure you’ll find it to be as fun and interesting as I did.

      All you need is a pot, some water, and a stove top. Don’t forget to turn it on.

      (I was particularly fascinated by the little bubbles at the beginning of the boiling process. They’re so miniscule and cute!)

      I wonder if it happens every time? I’m going to try it again!

      Jun 21, 2009 at 6:04 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   fluffy8u

      Team “No Food Poisoning,” but it’s kind of moot in my house because my father never cooked anything (including hamburgers) well enough. I don’t know how many times I was keeled over the toilet as a kid because of food poisoning. Yet my mother always made me eat when he made something because “it’s the polite thing to do.” Suddenly barfing up food is polite. Go figure.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 7:58 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Saysh bang

      *snort* T.O.S.

      That is SUCH a Data thing to do.. LOL He did that in an episode, you know… And no, I am way too lazy to go look up the title of that particular ST:TNG episode Timescape

      Jun 21, 2009 at 8:39 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   TheOldSchool

      Saysh,

      What or who is Data; ST:TNG; and Timescape?

      If this is some trap to try to get me to watch pornographic videos, I’m not going to fall for it again.

      (I had to call the doctor!)

      Jun 21, 2009 at 10:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Saysh bang

      HAHAHAHHHA

      Sure, TOS…. I KNOW you didn’t call the doctor.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 11:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   TheOldSchool

      You’re right.

      I called a night nurse. ( Thank goodness for the advertisements in the back pages of alternative weeklies.) I could have died!

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:41 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   ClickClack bang

      @1.6 – Saysh, do not — I repeat, do not — snort TOS.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 1:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   Saysh bang

      CC–

      I couldn’t figure out why I had such intense burning in my sinuses.. thank you for telling me… too late. :-P

      Jun 22, 2009 at 2:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.12   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Really, snorting TOS can cause hallucinations and delusion of grandure as well as verbal diarhrea. It can manifest itself with symptoms of obtuse knowledge and is given to interjecting at a moments notice.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 2:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.13   ClickClack bang

      Sorry I couldn’t warn you sooner, Saysh. I’m afraid you’re in for it now. When talking about TOS, people aren’t referring to his laugh when they use the word “infectious.”

      And Mamarilla is right about TOS, too. He’ll “interject” himself as often as you’ll let him — perhaps even prematurely.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 2:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.14   park rose

      He can interject me any time ;)

      (except when I tell him not to…)

      (or when mama’s around…)

      (level playing field and all, or not).

      Jun 22, 2009 at 9:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.15   TheOldSchool

      Saysh: put a little dab of my dribbled essence on a Q-tip and then lightly swab around the interjected area.

      This will soothe any lingering yearning and burning sensations you might feel after I first entered your assorted orifices.

      CC: It’s not the premature interjections that trigger these sensations. It’s the mature and post mature ones.

      Mamarilla2: Don’t buy the grandure. It doesn’t fertilize any better than ordinary manure.

      Rose: With you, the moment is always right, and I’m always ready. I’m suited up and ready to play!

      Jun 22, 2009 at 10:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   leftfoot

    Did you know that hard boiled eggs will explode if you forget that you’re boiling them and all the water evaporates, burning the shells to the bottom of the pan? I didn’t until last week.

    Jun 21, 2009 at 1:08 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Beth

      My husband had a similar adventure but didn’t get as far as putting the eggs in. He discovered that if you’re using a glass pot and forget you’re boiling water, the pot will eventually melt to the burner.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 1:36 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   G

      When I was a kid, my mom discovered that eggs explode in the microwave. She was a pretty decent cook, so I have no idea why she was microwaving an egg. That’s a huge mess, too.

      Another huge mess is microwaving marshmallow cream with the lid on. She did that too. Maybe she needed a list like the one above, specifying: “Things Mom is allowed to microwave.”

      Jun 21, 2009 at 2:03 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   fucking delicious bang

      My husband did that once… only he forgot he was boiling eggs and went for a walk. The eggs eventually catch fire and burn with copious plumes of black smoke.

      Which smells… well, like eggs on fire.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 2:23 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   fucking delicious bang

      So please add “Anything that mustn’t be abandoned” to the list.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 2:25 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   NewMoon

      ~Eggs on fire, my love for you brought only misery~
      (Thank you, Gram Parsons)

      Jun 21, 2009 at 9:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   whatyouarenot bang

      spaghetti doesn’t explode. it crackles, then bursts into flames.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 10:33 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   TheOldSchool

      Sadly, the slender spaghetti noodles are also perfectly formed torpedoes that can fire out of your nostrils if you hapen to find yourself vomiting all over your girlfriend’s mother’s white carpet.

      This usually only happensif if you have been drinking a lot and inadvertantly put too many psilocybin mushrooms in the sauce.

      If it DOES happen to you, resist the urge to use your nostrils as a weapon. A carefully aimed al dente spaghetti noodle, fired from short range at an optimum trajectory can and has dislodged eyeballs from their sockets.

      And, believe me, when you’re trippin’, I’m sorry, but THAT is just too weird. The person’s bloody orb is dangling down their cheek, and everyone is staring at you, like it’s your fault.

      “Awkward.”

      Jun 21, 2009 at 11:05 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   fluffy8u

      Car keys are a lot like spaghetti then. Peeps explode though. Stick tooth picks in them and you can have a jousting tournament!

      Jun 21, 2009 at 11:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.9   The Lion

      My mother discovered that you should not try to microwave an potato for a half an hour – they catch on fire.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.10   Beanster bang

      tubes of mascara explode in the microwave, coating the whole appliance in a thin layer of black… well.. mascara.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.11   Thanks!

      At my house, I need a list of “things not to be left on the stovetop.” I have a nasty habit of using the top as a counter as we have a small kitchen and then I will turn on the burner with a bowl or something on top, then noxious fumes and black smoke fill the house.

      Maybe I should wear the unitard :(

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.12   Matt

      My God, my dad would try microwaving eggs all the time. No matter how many times I would try to teach him how to do it correctly he would still just dump the carton in there. I also recall him putting ketchup packets in the microwave on many separate occasions, my mom threw those out.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 8:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.13   Beth

      Turkey bacon will also flame up in the microwave. One of the few things that still smells good micro-charred.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 9:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.14   RigaToni

      CDs (or probably DVDs also) create an awesome laser show for a few seconds, when microwaved.

      Don’t ask how I know. *cough*It was a college dorm shared kitchen and we didn’t own the microwaves or care*cough*

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.15   agatha christie

      RT, we used to put old AOL CDs in the microwave to make coasters.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.16   RigaToni

      AOL CDs were the only ones college students could afford to microwave.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   famous_lizzy

    But, if he can only use three ingredients, then how is he supposed to make cheeseburger pie again? Now that I know it exists, I can’t live in a world without it.

    Jun 21, 2009 at 1:28 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   canadian deadhead

      FL – Here you are…I’d hate for any of your cravings to go unsatisifed ;-)

      http://www.pillsbury.com

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   clumber

      FOR THE LOVE OF HEAVEN AND ALL THAT IS GOOD – NO!!!!!

      Cheeseburger or hamburger pie is delicious – but mark my words, you will learn the meaning of DEADLY HEARTBURN even if you have never had heartburn in your entire life. My beloved genius sister sent us a recipe one evening, and we tried it. It was ____ delicious 4reals.

      But… late that very night… an evil was awakened… an evil that kept both my spouse and I home from work SICK. For 2 DAYS!! I have never had pain like that – not even from food poisoning. I would have preferred death.

      So run. Run for your life from the cheeseburger pie, even if you do remember to precook the hamburger first.

      >– A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT –<

      Jun 22, 2009 at 2:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Jim (The Canuck One)

    He and the misses should quietly cash in the kid’s education fund and plan that around the world cruise they’ve always wanted.

    And as for spending money, well, they better get out there and find work. Lindsey Lohan got a job early and look at her.

    Jun 21, 2009 at 1:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   MAMARILLA2 bang

    Ungrateful whippersnappers..I remember when all we had to cook was ROCKS , and we were glad to get them.

    Jun 21, 2009 at 1:31 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   TheOldSchool

      At least you had a stove to heat them on.

      We were forced to just suck on them cold.

      If anyone complained, we were reminded how lucky we were. Lots of kids don’t have ANY rocks to suck.

      Then, one day, Grandpa was arrested.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 5:52 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   fluffy8u

      I don’t believe you Mama, next you are going to be telling us that you had to walk to school five miles, barefoot, in the snow, uphill, both ways.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 10:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   TheOldSchool

      fluf: What she’s describing is an actual place.

      Some people choose to call this spot: “reality.”

      I prefer its proper name: “Big Nipple Mountain.”

      Jun 21, 2009 at 10:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   fluffy8u

      What happened to “Lake Titicaca?”

      Jun 21, 2009 at 11:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   TheOldSchool

      Soon as the Animaniacs sang that song about it, the place was soon overrun with American families.

      We had to move the colony. Too many Lookie-Loos.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    Jim, you’ve lost all claim to “man of the house” status when your kids figure out what a dope you are.

    Jun 21, 2009 at 1:41 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   TheOldSchool

      CB, if they are truly Jim’s kids, they might never figure it out. That’s the beauty of heredity.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:51 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Joe bang

    Dad’s allowed to cook fast food? I thought that came precooked.

    Maybe he works at McDonald’s or something? No wonder that food is such crap.

    Jun 21, 2009 at 2:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I think he works at Denny’s, at least the last time I ate there it seemed like it.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 4:14 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   TheOldSchool

      Dad slow-cooks the fast food to “normalize” it.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   pilgrimchick

    If I were him, I’d feel a whole lot worse about that. On the other hand, it does mean that in the future, any meal requiring three or more ingredients gets cooked for him by someone else. Bonus.

    Jun 21, 2009 at 3:02 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   park rose

      Precisely. I think it is Jim’s cunning plan. I wonder what the beds he attempts to make look like, and the laundry he attempts to do…

      Though, so saying, there are bad cooks, and I’ve burnt a meal to sludge by not paying attention before. Oh, and my made bed looks as if it is a computer-page constantly refreshing itself (sheets falling off, blankets askew, and no, I haven’t been getting up or down to anything ;) ), but I’m the only one who has to lie in it.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 3:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Bet they have got a whole bunch of pink tighty whiteys and socks.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 4:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   TheOldSchool

      I’ll bet Jim likes wearing women’s panties.

      (But not bras. To him, THAT would be crossing the line.)

      Message to Jim: No, my friend, that line was already crossed on a summer evening long ago, when you let “Steve Brown fool around.”

      Jun 22, 2009 at 1:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   ClickClack bang

      @8.1 – rose, don’t be so sure. Others in your bed might be lying.
      I’m just sayin’… :roll:

      Jun 22, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   park rose

      I thought we’d moved on from this pillar talk, CC. Oh, and cos’ I’m in a poetry mood, Dorothy Parker?

      By the time you swear you’re his,
      Shivering and sighing,
      And he vows his passion is
      Infinite, undying -
      Lady, make a note of this:
      One of you is lying.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 9:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Mike Hawke

    In Soviet Russia food… Ah nevermind.

    Jun 21, 2009 at 3:37 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   mamason bang

      I love soup.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 5:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   hairjunkie bang

      I love the Soup Nazi!

      Jun 24, 2009 at 8:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   canadian deadhead

    My wife (an Anglican priest possessed of infinite patience) once said of me: “He’s an Old Testament cook – every night he brings us burnt offerings.” So Jim – I totally sympathize with you – I’m restricted to 5 ingredients as along as two of ‘em are salt and pepper ;-)

    Jun 21, 2009 at 4:07 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   park rose bang

      canadian deadhead, I really like your comment and story, but I want to Omenize your statement:
      My wife (an Anglican priest possessed of infinite patience) to:
      **My wife, An Anglican priest possessed…, or (as I just know that ToS and Claw might find more than one meaning to that statement):
      **My wife, a possessed Anglican priest…

      Different movie, but my mental slide-show now jumps to the Exorcist and images of your wife waiting for your burnt (and once virginal when alive?) offerings by the stove, her head revolving 360° , constantly. Not that Linda Blair was a priest, but she was possessed, and there obviously was a priest in the movie. It ties into the note, too, because the gentle reek of sulphur must permeate the room once eggs have been burnt and exploded. (Maybe Jim is possessed, too?).
      I think your work here is now done, or will be, once Lot’s wife gets worked into the mix. When Sir Mix-a-Lot arrives (rap music is the new devil’s music), all will live happily ever after, or descend to the most appropriate level of the inferno.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 4:26 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      I love you, rose.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 9:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Saysh bang

      I know WOTV, she’s my hero too!

      Jun 21, 2009 at 11:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   canadian deadhead

      Well PR, that post of yours left me kinda speechless (until I had a beer or 2, that is), and now I’m stuck with the image of Linda Blair’s head doing a 360 because she’s trying to avoid my food (and yeah, if i’m cooking, there’s a better than even chance that there’s a reek of sulphur going on) …..
      Seconds, anyone?

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   T imo® bang

      OH PR Rap is not the devils music. I love Sir Mix A Lot’s “Baby got Back Bacon!”

      Jun 22, 2009 at 2:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   MAMARILLA2 bang

      The devils music was Chicago and Bread.

      Mmmm, bacon…

      Jun 22, 2009 at 2:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Bunnee

    They must have dug through Dad’s stuff to find the shard of the magnet used to hang up the note. Ouch!

    Jun 21, 2009 at 4:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   fluffy8u

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY N/A!!!!!

    (P.S. I’m not a stalker, in the last note, you mentioned that Sunday (I assumed today) is your birthday)

    Jun 21, 2009 at 8:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   N/A

      Yeah, someone is paying attention to me! Thanks fluffy, you just made my day in a sad and pathetic, no real friends kinda way ;-)

      Jun 21, 2009 at 9:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   zombieBlanco bang

      Are you intimating that friends made on the internet aren’t ‘real’? Damn, that hurts…

      ♥ Happy Birthday N/A!!!

      Jun 21, 2009 at 9:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   N/A

      Well this whole site might just be a set up, maybe you’re all just various personalities cooked up by shrinks to test my responses. Maybe there’s a whole think tank devoted to making up all these notes just to draw me in.

      OK, so it’s not likely but I’m willing to bet you’re not really a zombie. I read an article in the weekly world news once about how to raise a zombie and frankly the average American is way too lazy to follow all those steps.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 8:47 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   zombieBlanco bang

                the average American is too lazy

      N/A: world weekly news never lies, but teh internets is global! According to the better business bureau, raising zombies is a cottage industry in most third-world countries.*

      *tries to draw attention away from PAN think tank

      Jun 22, 2009 at 10:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   T imo® bang

      You would think that it would catch on more in the US.
      European men have known for decades that zombie girls make the best girlfriends. Unfortunately American men spend more time chasing the unrealistic goal on an android girlfriend. :roll:

      Jun 22, 2009 at 11:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   MAMARILLA2 bang

      It takes a village to raise a zombie.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 11:31 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   T imo® bang

      Briefly I thought you wrote it takes a village to roast a zombie! :shock:

      babies yes, zombies no.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 11:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Roast baby …. with string beans..

      Jun 22, 2009 at 11:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   T imo® bang

      Mmmmm yes with a nice summery salad of seasonal fruit.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 11:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.10   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Get in ma belly!

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.11   Beanster bang

      mamarilla, you called?

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.12   T imo® bang

      ah yer a wee tasty bit of a baby.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.13   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Ah baby, the other other white meat.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.14   T imo® bang

      Baby. It’s what’s for dinner!

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.15   hairjunkie bang

      with bacon!

      unless you keep kosher, that is

      Jun 24, 2009 at 9:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   brendan

    Can i ask what a Cheeseburger Pie is?

    Jun 21, 2009 at 8:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Saysh bang

      Yes, you can.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 8:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   fluffy8u

      Will we tell you?

      No, we will not.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 10:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   TheOldSchool

      Brendan,

      If you keep hangin’ with the girls you hang out with, you’ll find out soon enough.

      You’re in for a “rude awakening.”

      Jun 21, 2009 at 11:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   fluffy8u

      That makes brendan sad because he was hoping for a “polite awakening.”

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   GhostWriter bang

      Isn’t a Cheeseburger Pie more like a Happy Ending?
      …or am I thinking of an Eggroll in Duck Sauce?

      Jun 22, 2009 at 10:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   canadian deadhead

      Brendan, see #3.1 For the polite version, that is…

      Jun 22, 2009 at 1:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   xs

    DON’T COOK THE GRILL, JIMMY!!!!!!!!

    Jun 21, 2009 at 8:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   T imo® bang

      OR LOSE THAT NUMBER RICKY!!!!!!!

      Jun 22, 2009 at 11:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Well it is the only one he owns…He might use it if he feels better.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 2:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   jadefirefly

    When I was a kid, we had this odd flat glass disk that was supposed to go into a pot of water before you boiled it, to prevent the pot from boiling over. Glass in pot; macaroni in pot; contents of pan into colander. Rinse with cold water….

    My mother made the next batch of macaroni. And we never did buy a replacement disk.

    Both my parents probably despair of their daughters cooking skills, or lack thereof. My sister does best with sandwiches and mac n cheese. I’m not much better. :/ My dad, on the other hand, bakes like nobody’s business.

    And we’ve never once gotten food poisoning!

    Jun 21, 2009 at 8:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Because food ‘poisoning ‘ comes from the products being used after they are safe…Unsanitary conditions, not lack of talent in the kitchen make for the actual poisoning. If you are getting food poisoning from the food, look into how long that food was left out getting warm and bacteria filled before it was half cooked and served to you.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 10:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Lamah

    If it has more than three ingredients, it isn’t worth cooking anyway. Team too lazy to cook!

    Jun 21, 2009 at 8:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   fluffy8u

      Hey, I’m a member of that Team!!

      In the Team Too Lazy to Cook’s Cook Book the most valued recipe is the PBnJ.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 10:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   zombieBlanco bang

      brains!*

      *pg 9 of TTLTCCB, directly after the instructions on pg 8: how to get food from a machine using only quarters.

      Jun 21, 2009 at 11:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   stickman

      My cook book contains only pizza coupons!

      Jun 22, 2009 at 12:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   team magnet shard

    Jim: you should consider yourself lucky you are not completely banned from the kitchen and don’t you dare use more than one pot or pan!

    Jun 22, 2009 at 12:24 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   thrall38

    Speaking of reinforcing gender stereotypes… I sent my husband outside to grill duck breasts for a dinner party. A while later he came running in for a wine glass (!) full of water to extinguish the 6 foot ball of flame that the duck fat had become. Luckily “cooler” heads prevailed and the fire was extinguished. Did you know that duck fat can spontaneously reignite once you’ve taken it away form the heat source and put it all on a plate??? Go Team Soggy Duck Bacon.

    Jun 22, 2009 at 6:50 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   GhostWriter bang

      Do I know about spontaneously igniting duck fat? Why yes- I’ve watched more than my share of Warner Bros. cartoons.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 10:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   TheOldSchool

      Thrall, you’re not seriously buying your husband’s cockamamie alibi are you?

      Let me get this straight. He was outside, where no one could see him, with a hot, moist, tantalizing mound of duckfat — which was sitting on a plate far away from him, of course!

      And then, all of a sudden, poof, the duck fat turns into a ball of fire?

      No zipper-related rubbing against the picnic table resulting in a friction-induced spark?

      And your husband just panicked — not out of embarrassment — but because he’s panicky?

      Interesting. He’s a lucky man.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 1:19 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Eric

      Was the duck authorized from the management?
      If not, then your husband forgot to tear off it’s fucking arm and stuff it up it’s fucking ass.

      Jun 22, 2009 at 4:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   thrall38

      oh, dearie me. was that why the duck was soggy?

      Jun 22, 2009 at 6:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   GhostWriter bang

    So, cooking up some charcoal, sulfur and potassium nitrate is OK? Technically, they are all edible in small quantities.

    Jun 22, 2009 at 10:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   GhostWriter bang

    Nuggets! Just plain Nuggets!

    It’s illegal to call them a type of meat.

    Jun 22, 2009 at 10:10 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   ryanmalloy

      that is why Kentucky Fried Chicken became KFC (those beings cannot be called chickens…)

      Jun 22, 2009 at 1:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   GhostWriter bang

    Cheeseburger pie is actually more nutritious if you don’t pre-cook the hamburger.

    Team Healthy Dad Diet

    Jun 22, 2009 at 10:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Winona

    Conversely, a female friend of mine is now banned from grilling since she set theirs on fire.

    Jun 22, 2009 at 11:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Stacy

    Dad should tell the kids to cook for their own damn selves. If it was Mom, point out he’s breaking gender stereotypes but, if she wants to be oppressed, she can do all the cooking for now on.

    Jun 22, 2009 at 10:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   la

    I’m not allowed to make popcorn anymore after a very unfortunate incident involving a pressure cooker and an 18-inch hole in the ceiling…

    Jun 23, 2009 at 9:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   rinn

    did anyone else notice that the note is contradictory? macaroni and cheese has more than three ingredients in it…

    Jun 24, 2009 at 11:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   TheOldSchool

      rinn,

      Redo the numbers on your calculator. I get three exactly: 1. Maca 2. Roni, and 3. Cheese.

      (Your calculator’s batteries might have leaked Chinese acid into its hard drive. I hope you kept the receipt.)

      Jun 25, 2009 at 12:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   “Really, Honey. Take your time!” | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

    [...] Happy reinforcing gender stereotypes day! [...]

    Apr 9, 2010 at 12:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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