Subtle on the nose, with an oddly cloying finish

June 24th, 2009 · 56 comments

Writes Devra in San Luis Obispo, California: “I’m visiting my parents in Napa, where they both work at wineries. They recently found out that I smoke cigarettes, and though I’m sure they disapprove, there has been little to no discussion on the matter. My mom wanted me to go with her to a tasting today, so she printed out directions from Google Maps with this note written on it. I found it waiting on my bedside table when I woke up.”

They don't like strong perfume or smoke odor in tasting room :) See you! Mom

related: And pull up your pants!

FILED UNDER: Moms & Dads · Mother-daughter notes · odor · smiley · smoking


56 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Julia

    Shouldn’t the address and phone # be censored? Or am I too sensitive?

    Jun 24, 2009 at 8:48 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   drybamboo

      seems to be the winery place. if anything, it’s free publicity for them.

      not sure about the phone number though.

      Jun 24, 2009 at 9:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   TheOldSchool

      Jenny,

      Your comment was, perhaps, a bit austere and monolithic, given the complexity and lushness of the mother’s silky yet opulent note.

      I wonder if the unctuousness you detected in the note is owing to a smokiness emanating closer to your own home with mental torrefaction being the end result.

      A mother’s note must always be forward, yet still contain grip — without those things, her words can seem: flabby, overly-ripe, simple, gravelly, sweet, thin, chalky, pissy, or velvety.

      Devra’s mother’s note, while not rating in the 90s, was certainly refined enough to leave this note critic with a pleasant mouth feel.

      Jun 25, 2009 at 2:03 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   amy d bang

    Mom’s ettitude about smoking clearly shines through this note.

    Jun 24, 2009 at 9:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   park rose

      Beat me to it. I was going to say, that’s Etude with attitude! ;)

      Jun 25, 2009 at 12:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Wade bang

    I like how mom softened her tone by scratching out “No” and replacing it with “They don’t like”.

    Keeping the aggressive with a nice veneer of passive.

    Jun 24, 2009 at 9:14 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   park rose

      Is that kind of like keeping the sofa pristine with a nice veneer of plastic?

      Jun 25, 2009 at 12:27 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   anglophile bang

    I like how she made a smiley face while writing in. It goes nicely with the way she changed the wording to make it absolutely clear that “they” are the ones who disapprove of the smoke.

    Ha, Wade. You type faster than me!

    Jun 24, 2009 at 9:16 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Joe bang

      Is the smiley face smoking some crazy-shaped pipe/bong? Rub it in.

      Jun 24, 2009 at 10:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   J

    I really don’t find this note too passive aggressive. Maybe the daughter is reading too much into it.

    Jun 24, 2009 at 9:19 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   zombieBlanco bang

      Dear J, (gracious intro, because your mom has manners )

      Please don’t feel bad (be ashamed, be very ashamed) that you didn’t read too much (are you a moron?) into my note (painstakingly written missive, you know I have arthritis, right?).

      love, (not really)
      Mom (the woman who has slaved all these years just so that you can treat her like (word mom would never use, because she has manners))

      Jun 24, 2009 at 10:02 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   AJ

      I agree, I don’t see what’s so passive aggressive about this note. It’s a wine tasting room, right? A lot of getting a full flavor of the wine is it’s aroma. So, duh, strong perfume and smoke odor aren’t acceptable at such an event.

      A lot of smokers don’t realize exactly how STRONG the odor is to non-smokers. :/

      I feel like it was nice of the mom to write that note, instead of the daughter get to the wine tasting and get asked to leave because she reeks of tobacco and/or perfume.

      Jun 24, 2009 at 10:36 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   zombieBlanco bang

      Dear AJ,

      Perhaps you could also regale us with your thoughts on leaving a tip ?

      thanks, zB

      Jun 24, 2009 at 11:33 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   park rose

      Et tu (de) AJ? (the ‘t’ is elided).

      Jun 25, 2009 at 1:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   park rose

      J: et tu brut? (I’m talking champagne, not fragrance, though maybe it’s why devra is ‘on the nose’).
      B: …nah, I’ll go for the merlot, Jules, thanks (sorry xs @ 12).

      Jun 25, 2009 at 1:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   Hmm

      Yeah, I didn’t see it either. It seems like a reasonable thing to warn a smoker about. What would be passive-aggressive is if the mom knew this and didn’t tell them them, resulting in them be refused admittance to the wine tasting.

      Jun 25, 2009 at 2:40 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   mamason bang

      As if!

      Jun 25, 2009 at 2:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.8   SuziG

      I gotta agree that it’s not all that passive aggressive. My boyfriends dad is a wine manager and whenever we go on a tour we are reminded of these basic rules.

      Jun 25, 2009 at 11:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.9   Michelle S.

      Seriously? You all don’t see what’s passive-aggressive about leaving a note for someone who is in the same house? Or the way the note is worded? (While I certainly don’t mind that you reek – I hardly noticed at all, those stuffy people at the winery might.) Pretty much can’t get more textbook than this. XD

      Jun 26, 2009 at 9:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.10   Michelle S.

      What I meant to add, but forgot: The fact that the note-writer has a valid point doesn’t mean it’s not passive-aggressive.

      Jun 26, 2009 at 9:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.11   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Anyone who has lived with a Martyr Mom know a PA note when they see one. This is just a small one.

      Jun 26, 2009 at 1:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Thanks!

    Ah, a mother’s guilt is beautiful!

    Jun 24, 2009 at 10:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   stickman

    In other words, take a shower and wash the smoke out of your hair before you embarrass me in public.
    See you !
    Mom

    Jun 24, 2009 at 10:14 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Derekp

    I think i’ve seen this somewhere before…but it’s not bad at all

    Jun 24, 2009 at 10:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   xs

    …time to switch to Chanel No. 5 Lites.

    Jun 24, 2009 at 11:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   xs

    even the “in” has a smiley face about it… so guilt-trippy.

    Jun 24, 2009 at 11:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   TheOldSchool

    Devra comes home smothered in cheap Rue St. Denis parfum and smoking Gitanes like she’s still hustling tricks in the Bois de Boulogne –
    so Mom’s big idea is to encourage her daughter to drink more wine. Brilliant.

    Jun 25, 2009 at 12:11 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   xs

    All right, I’ll quit smoking, but I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!

    Jun 25, 2009 at 12:16 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   SuperMe

    Obviously your mom was trying to say she hates your Designer Imposters perfume.

    Put down the Primo.

    Jun 25, 2009 at 12:56 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   aaa

    So, does Devra use nasty-ass, strong perfume to try to cover up her smoking stink or something?

    Jun 25, 2009 at 1:06 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   mamason bang

      I would think that “they” wouldn’t want any strong, nasty-ass odors either, butt then again, I’ve never been to a wine tasting.

      Jun 25, 2009 at 2:34 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   aaa

      Maybe the “strong perfume” is just a distractor, y’know, to keep the whole focus from being just “I hate that you stink like an ashtray! I can taste the air when you walk into the room and it tastes like cancer!” and to make Devra’s mom there seem like she’s not so complainy or whatever.

      Jun 25, 2009 at 7:58 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   mamason bang

    Dear Devra,

    You smell like butts and ass. The perfume’s not fooling anyone. I like it because I like you, however, they might not.
    (Like it or you, that is.)

    See ya! :-)

    Mom

    Jun 25, 2009 at 2:44 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   peonia

    why is this note posted on this website?

    1. daughter smokes.

    2. daughter and mother are going to a wine-tasting where smoking is not appreciated, and legitimately affects the wine-tasting.

    3. mother lets daughter know tactfully in the note not to smoke beforehand.

    methinks the lady doth protest too much.

    Jun 25, 2009 at 5:11 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Jessica

    So, we can thus translate this as

    “Please don’t turn up smelling like a brothel or like a cigar factory, love you!”

    Jun 25, 2009 at 6:57 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   claw71 bang

      I smell sex and Capris, here Hmmmm-mmmm
      Who’s that tasting in my winery mmmmm
      Who’s that smoking cheap cigarettes after ejaculation, momma this must be my Devra, dig it.

      Jun 25, 2009 at 9:39 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   katie

      Old school! Love it, claw.

      Jun 25, 2009 at 9:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   claw71 bang

    I suppose this note could be perceived as passive-aggressive but I wonder if mom is just trying to be subtle. Sweetheart, I love you but between the pack-and-a-half of Marlboro Reds, the unprotected sex and the Designer Imposters perfume you use instead of a proper shower, well dear, you stink.

    Jun 25, 2009 at 9:36 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   claw71 bang

    What’s really funny about this is that Devra happily identified herself. She’s telling all of her friends and co-workers that her note is on http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com. It’s her 15 minutes of fame, dammit, and she’s going to savor every second. Devra smokes, wears too much cheap perfume and is an embarassment to her hard working parents but she thinks we’re going to take her side because the cloud of cloying stench she wanders around in has finally driven her mom to the brink of a PA note.

    The thing of it is, six months from now, after we’ve all forgotten about this relatively weak offering, Devra’s nickname (The Sinky Diva) will still haunt her.

    Jun 25, 2009 at 9:45 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   GhostWriter bang

    I call Bullshit on Mom.

    A flowery scent followed by a smoky finish is the very hallmark of a fine Merlot. Devra’s palatable signature can only increase sales.

    Jun 25, 2009 at 10:56 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   missjessicabunny bang

      LOL, ahh yes… many a time I have wandered after a woman who smells like a bottle of merlot… However, the fear here is that the merlot has in fact, corked.

      Jun 25, 2009 at 11:23 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Miles

      No, if anyone orders Merlot, I’m leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!

      Jun 25, 2009 at 11:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   missjessicabunny bang

      Well you’re not drinking my White Zinfandel that’s for sure… ;)

      Jun 25, 2009 at 11:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   GhostWriter bang

    Which is worse, the seductive scent of a perfumed woman, the husky smoke of a tightly-rolled Cuban,

    …or the collective cottonmouth breath of a flock of freeloaders gulping shots of wine and spitting them into a pail?

    Jun 25, 2009 at 11:38 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   oi!

    I wonder what happened if I did not know that both father and mother work in winery or that she was visiting them in Napa or that they recently found out that she smokes? Earthquake you say?
    Her ass story is bigger than the note with the facts that are irrelevant.
    To people saying mom is not passive aggressive: she could have just asked on her face.

    Jun 25, 2009 at 12:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   mamason bang

      “she could have just asked on her face” 8-O

      *that gives me an idea* :twisted:

      Hey TOS, I want to ask you something on your face. :lol:

      Jun 25, 2009 at 3:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   mamason bang

      Talk about subtle on the nose, with an oddly cloying finish…

      Jun 25, 2009 at 3:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   park rose

      ♥ damn you are good ♥

      and by good, I mean wicked ;) .

      Jun 25, 2009 at 9:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   chris

    as a wine and spirits snob, i can actually understand the parents. most tasting rooms would ask you to leave if you reeked of cigarette smoke or the like. ruins the palate of those around you (and you, personally). obviously the parents didn’t care to mention smoking to their daughter before hand; i can see how they’d bring it up here as it would affect both them and the other people in the tasting room. It’d look bad for all. Granted: they should have told her this in person.

    Jun 25, 2009 at 1:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Beanster bang

      as a general, across the board snob, i understand where you are coming from, but still think i am better than you on the basis of nothing but my very existence. i wouldn’t have told her at all so that her lowliness and stench would have elevated my superiority to an even higher zenith. of course, i would have shot her snooty looks throughout the event and denied knowing her. i don’t dip to such levels or associate with such commoners. that is where we differ, and therein lies my advantage as a human being.

      Jun 25, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   jim

    those cigarrettes were fucking delicious.

    Jun 25, 2009 at 1:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Bernd das Brot bang

      Were they? I hope you ate all of them. How are you handling the seizures?

      Jun 25, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Grog

    I think it’s totally passive-aggressive, and totally hilarious! A couple of stinging comments about your (your wife’s?) perfume and smoking, strategically embedded in a flowery note surrounded by niceties!

    Jun 26, 2009 at 7:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   NOFXSUX

    I think this note puts the whine and cunt in wine country

    Jun 29, 2009 at 11:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   matry

    those inCLINEd to want to know the name of the winery can easily find it. the number is probably her mothers cell phone

    Jul 4, 2009 at 9:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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