At a recent wedding that Allison in Ealeigh, N.C. attended, the bride asked that, instead of signing a guestbook, wedding guests write their wishes for the couple on fabric squares that would later be made into a memory quilt. When allison saw this one sitting on top, she couldn’t resist snapping a photo.
related: taboo, the game of unsolicited douchebaggery
85 responses so far ↓
#1
C
“Technically, yes…but my anus has taken quite the beating!”
Jun 28, 2009 at 9:15 pm rating: +195
#2
Listy
OMG amazing
Jun 28, 2009 at 9:15 pm rating: +1
#3
mamason
Hope springs eternal!
Jun 28, 2009 at 9:16 pm rating: +3
#4
Spike Nesmith
Is it possible that this is some sort of private joke between the couples that the poster’s not privvy to?
Jun 28, 2009 at 9:17 pm rating: +3
#5
zombieBlanco
Dear Newlyweds,
Only one of us can hope you saved yourself for your wedding night, the other hopes you used protection.
love,
Jennifer and John
Jun 28, 2009 at 9:44 pm rating: +32
#6
Woman on the Verge
Dear Newlyweds,
One can only hope you saved yourself for your wedding night… because the other one of us knows you didn’t.
love,
Jennifer and John
Jun 28, 2009 at 9:50 pm rating: +71
#7
xs
can i get the Hallmark card version of this?
Jun 28, 2009 at 10:01 pm rating: +24
#8
Sue Do Nim
Dear John and Jennifer,
Thanks for adding a square to our wedding night toilet paper. We saved the proof of my virginity on it. What a memory.
The Blushing Bride
Jun 28, 2009 at 10:29 pm rating: +50
#9
G
Jennifer and John,
One can only hope you’re not saying that because you’re envious of the potential marital purity. We were particularly shocked to hear about John’s previous work as a for-hire transvestite. We understand why you would hope no one else had to experience that.
Jun 28, 2009 at 11:28 pm rating: +27
#10
Canaduck
Wow.
Some people never miss a chance to proselytize, do they?
I can imagine John & Jennifer at the grocery store.
Cashier: Did find everything okay?
John: Well, I didn’t find condoms–but that’s good, because birth control is against the will of God.
Cashier: Um, okay. Have a nice day.
Jennifer: We WILL, because WE saved ourselves for marriage. Have you?
Cashier: …please leave.
Jun 28, 2009 at 11:41 pm rating: +53
#11
AuntyBron
Dear John and Jennifer,
Don’t be shy – tell us what you really think.
Jun 28, 2009 at 11:44 pm rating: +11
#12
Cordelia
Dear Jennifer and John,
Thanks for proving my father right when he said an open bar would only lead to embarrassing memories of my wedding day.
-The Blushing Bride
Jun 28, 2009 at 11:53 pm rating: +34
#13
trish
I only hope that’s some kind of an inside joke. That’s just beyond PA, and into rude! Who wants to see that on their wedding quilt?
Jun 29, 2009 at 12:09 am rating: +3
#14
Vlad the impaler
One can only hope that God doesn’t punish John and Kate for being insufferable twat wizards.
Jun 29, 2009 at 12:52 am rating: +10
#15
oi
This is fake.
Jun 29, 2009 at 1:19 am rating: 0
#16
Jocelyn
My first time here, and how right it feels to finally have found a spot where all of my mom’s emails belong.
I’m tending to think this quilt square message is some deep sh** giving amongst friends. I was knocked up when I got married, and everyone knew it…and I could totally have seen some of my pals writing this.
Jun 29, 2009 at 1:20 am rating: +11
#17
stringyhair
This honesty is only found when the bride’s father springs for an open bar.
Jun 29, 2009 at 2:32 am rating: +9
#18
Canthz_B
That’s just silly…who gets Baptized on their wedding night?
Jun 29, 2009 at 2:39 am rating: +10
#19
leftfoot
Why yes, we have! But the amount of semen in my stomach began to worried my doctor.. Isn’t my hair just gorgeous?
Jun 29, 2009 at 5:08 am rating: +3
#20
Hawkeye
One can only hope that John was an ex-boyfriend that never got laid by Allison.
Jun 29, 2009 at 8:49 am rating: +2
#21
ClearlyDemented
Knowing that it would be too uncomfortable for the bride and groom to bring up in conversation, the desperate best man planted a silent wedge between the couple and their best friends in which to slide himself in and prevent his inevitable lonliness.
Jun 29, 2009 at 9:23 am rating: +3
#22
claw71
Save what for the wedding night? 20 years worth of sexual insecurity and a pesky little hymen that will likely result in blood-stained sheets? No thanks. Give me a dirty little slut who knows what she likes and will do what she doesn’t just because it’s easier to play along.
Jun 29, 2009 at 9:37 am rating: +9
#23
HorribleLicensePlates
I think some people lose all control of themselves when it comes to weddings. Especially in the manners department.
Jun 29, 2009 at 9:50 am rating: +5
#24
N/A
Most of the people I know didn’t even do the deed on their wedding night, including the one couple that actually did wait till they married. I know we didn’t, who has the energy after a long wedding day?
Jun 29, 2009 at 12:52 pm rating: +11
#25
Nix
Nope, your mom took care of that a while ago, but thanks for playing!
Jun 29, 2009 at 12:53 pm rating: +9
#26
aaa
One can only hope the happy couple’s sex life isn’t as crappy as your’s is, Jennifer and John. :c
Jun 29, 2009 at 2:15 pm rating: +3
#27
Tab
I just have to jump in and tell a story; I have a friend that yes, technically had sex before marriage, but her husband was the only person she had ever been with. At their wedding, her dress was very non-traditional (cocktail length and covered in layers of white and off-white lace). She was in the receiving line when her brother in law’s girlfriend leaned in and said, “I can’t believe you had the nerve to wear white.”
My friend’s husband refused to believe she said it, but then we discovered that you can HEAR her saying it on the wedding tape. The thing that shocked me was that the woman who said it is not exactly known for having a “reserved” nature.
Jun 29, 2009 at 5:25 pm rating: +9
#28
the Librarian
Wow. Regardless of Jennifer and John’s douchebaggery, that’s gonna be one fucking ugly quilt.
Jun 29, 2009 at 10:38 pm rating: +12
#29
me1st
That wedding cake was fucking delicious!
Jun 30, 2009 at 8:29 am rating: +1
#30
jason
Best thing to do now is make the quilt and include that square in it. Then display the quilt to everyone-send them pictures if you have to. The two losers will be shamed by your whole extended circle of friends, even if they don’t feel embarrassed or guilty. Plus, you’re throwing the righteousness back in their faces by publicly demonstrating that you don’t even give a goddamn if they judge you for having sex. They only win if you demonstrate shame.
Jul 31, 2009 at 2:32 pm rating: +1
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