I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

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I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

June 30th, 2009 · 223 comments

This martyr alert spotted by Randy on the breakroom fridge of his office in Chico, California…

related: hostile takeover

FILED UNDER: California · coffee · martyr complex · milk · office fridge · thanks (but not really)

223 responses so far ↓

#1 Moody

I’ve resisted the urge to shout “first,” but who will stop me from using an obscenity to describe how I imagine the half and half tastes?

Jun 30, 2009 at 10:24 pm rating: 6

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- #1.1 fluffy8u
  
  You could say “primary” or “number one” instead.
  
  Jun 30, 2009 at 11:35 pm rating: 3
- #1.2 RunBarbara
  
  ooooh….using an obscenity! you daredevil! i bet you also spell “shop” “shoppe” and enjoy putting quarters in parking meters that aren’t yours.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:05 am rating: 63
- #1.3 oi!
  
  RB deserves “thumbing”
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:10 am rating: 3
- #1.4 T imo®
  
  PRIME!
  Top o’ the morning to you guvenor. Have a right nice day eh.
  
  Oh I try to “thumb her whenever I can.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 9:35 am rating: 3
- #1.5 KatieMB
  
  Oh T imo…
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 5:11 pm rating: 0
- #1.6 RunBarbara
  
  fist>thumb, timo. we had this talk, remember?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:36 pm rating: 0
- #1.7 Snippy
  
  But aren’t we all tired of people racing to post their “Fist” comments?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:45 pm rating: 7
- #1.8 Snippy
  
  If the damned Edit function still worked, I would have been able to insert the missing exclamation point and italic code: “Fist!”
  
  Not that it would have helped much, but still…
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:49 pm rating: 1
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#2 damon8r

I hear it’s legal to have coffee makers at home these days…

Jun 30, 2009 at 10:29 pm rating: 59

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- #2.1 AuntyBron
  
  Dunno about that, D, we’re talking California here.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:10 am rating: 7
- #2.2 Joe
  
  But then you have to buy your own coffee, in addition to the half-and-half.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:01 am rating: 6
- #2.3 fluffy8u
  
  It’s not illegal, just an unspoken taboo. If you make your own coffee, bad things happen to you. Beware of the homemade coffee!!!!
  
  Also, it’s severely “uncool.”
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 5:24 pm rating: 0
- #2.4 lilmegz
  
  hey with an economy like ours in CA I say take it where you can get it. Team free office coffee. It’s to bad I’m out of work now though.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:50 pm rating: 2
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#3 Casemama

You know, she seems hostile enough without the coffee. Maybe someone was doing her a favor by drinking the half and half, therefore leaving the coffee undrinkable. Maybe they were trying to send a message along the lines of, “You’re a crazy freak. You don’t need coffee.”

Jun 30, 2009 at 10:32 pm rating: 12

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- #3.1 Casemama
  
  Ah, yes, and now I see the title of this post. Nevermind my redundancy.
  
  Jun 30, 2009 at 10:34 pm rating: 3
- #3.2 fluffy8u
  
  Yes, but you did a nice job of explaining it for people who don’t understand irony… not… that I’m included…. in that… group…
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 5:31 pm rating: 2
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#4 drybamboo

They SHOULD be thankful. Whoever took their half & half just made their coffee more potent and fat-free.

Jun 30, 2009 at 10:43 pm rating: 3

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- #4.1 AuntyBron
  
  Okay I get that someone used your half and half and maybe it’s just me but…
  1. If you really felt the need for coffee, wouldn’t you be willing to take it black?
  2. If you really felt the need for coffee, wouldn’t you stop and buy some along the way? You can’t swing a dead cat with out hitting a McDonalds, 7-11, etc. all of whom sell what they claim is coffee.
  3. If you really felt the need for coffee, wouldn’t you make some at home and put it in a sippy-cup to take with you?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:15 am rating: 16
- #4.2 RunBarbara
  
  im always willing to take it black.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:20 am rating: 25
- #4.3 Big Scott
  
  Oh rea….
  
  Nah, can’t do it…
  
  Too easy, even for me.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:44 am rating: 3
- #4.4 Sarah McDee
  
  Are you calling RB easy?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 2:06 am rating: 2
- #4.5 T imo®
  
  …there is something there on your cheek honey… um yeah right there. okay you got it.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 9:37 am rating: 2
- #4.6 wicked opinion
  
  Run Barbara you are my hero
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 10:51 am rating: 1
- #4.7 Mishee™
  
  wicked, you need to just back off.
  
  That bitch is mine and everyone knows it!
  
  I’m even planning to have the controversial surgery like Robert Downey, Jr’s character in Tropic Thunder had just so that she likes me even more…
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 10:58 am rating: 0
- #4.8 wicked opinion
  
  oh mishee you silly i don’t want run barbara – i want to BE run barbara!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:14 am rating: 2
- #4.9 RunBarbara
  
  there can be only one….
  
  (much to mishee’s mom’s dismay)
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 10:46 pm rating: 0
- #4.10 THX SANDRA
  
  Casey down in human resources ALWAYS has extra half and half in her mini-fridge. I suspect shes been taking it from my potlucks.
  
  And before anyone gives me any more crap
  my first name is Thx.
  THANKS,
  THX SANDRA.
  
  Jul 3, 2009 at 2:57 pm rating: 3
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#5 zombieBlanco

It’s pretty easy to see why noncaffeinated early-riser isn’t getting any!!

Jun 30, 2009 at 10:44 pm rating: 32

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#6 R.M.

I Just wonder what time they go to bed to be getting up at 3:00. That would kill their social life, no wonder they are angry, coffee is their only friend.

Jun 30, 2009 at 10:48 pm rating: 9

reply to this comment
- #6.1 AuntyBron
  
  Somehow I don’t think the hours he/she keeps are the only reason for the lack of social life. Just sayin’.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:06 am rating: 6
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#7 Sirius¤

Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o’clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues.

We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.

Jun 30, 2009 at 10:52 pm rating: 42

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- #7.1 zombieBlanco
  
  Wimp
  
  Jun 30, 2009 at 10:54 pm rating: 5
- #7.2 zombieBlanco
  
  I had to get up in the morning, at ten o’clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twentynine
  hours a day down mill and pay mill owner for
  permission to come to work, and when we got home, our dad would kill us and dance
  about on our graves, singing Hallelujah!
  
  Jun 30, 2009 at 11:07 pm rating: 18
- #7.3 Sirius¤
  
  Luxury!
  
  Jun 30, 2009 at 11:10 pm rating: 7
- #7.4 RunBarbara
  
  oh, you two princesses had it easy!
  
  my grandmother died giving birth to my mother, who was dying while she gave birth to me! i was adopted by an armadillo with two wooden legs and a martha washington wig who put me to work in the ham factory.
  
  the only sleep i got was when i passed out from the pain of my ribs breaking while i carried the pigs to die while they looked me right in the eyes and pleaded with me, via ESP, to spare their little pink bellies.
  
  then i had to monitor the kitten boxing in the evenings while Grandma Armadillo took lye showers five feet away. if there wasn’t enough blood by the time she finished, well…you can guess what i had to do with the kittens.
  
  ps- also, im Sisyphus.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:01 am rating: 26
- #7.5 AuntyBron
  
  What – you didn’t have to walk both ways, too?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:17 am rating: 4
- #7.6 apedant
  
  But you try tellin’ the young kids of today that and they won’t believe you.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:27 pm rating: 2
- #7.7 Snippy
  
  Watch it, Mishee, RB says she has sisyphus.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:44 pm rating: 8
- #7.8 MAMARILLA2
  
  I had a rock.
  
  Jul 5, 2009 at 4:39 pm rating: 3
- #7.9 Saysh
  
  ‘Rilla.. now THAT was the best UNDER statement I have ever heard.
  
  *applauds madly*
  
  Jul 5, 2009 at 5:02 pm rating: 2
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#8 jessi

sheeesh, they’re acting like none was left! “almost all.”

Jun 30, 2009 at 10:56 pm rating: 8

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- #8.1 AuntyBron
  
  For true, Jess. Unless they’re talking about the little tubs you pick up at the Stop n Rob, there should be enough for a cuppa.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:09 am rating: 5
- #8.2 MAMARILLA2
  
  Thats the point…Buy a bigger container. Or use someone else’s milk that I’m sure is stored in a small baby-bottle shaped container…
  
  Jul 3, 2009 at 12:15 pm rating: 2
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#9 David

I am caught up on that bizarre “of, ” like a serial killer’s.

Jun 30, 2009 at 10:58 pm rating: 3

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#10 Brooser

My question is, why the hell would anyone wake up at 3:00 to go to work? I understand if it’s a night/early morning shift or whatever, but at an office?

Maybe what they need is less coffee and more sleep.

Jun 30, 2009 at 10:58 pm rating: 4

reply to this comment
- #10.1 CS harmonikah
  
  Even if the writer had to be at work at 4:45 (because so many job shifts begin on 15 min intervals) and with a 45 min drive. They are still getting ready for an hour.
  Cut down on the shower time and make/pick up a coffee before work.
  The repeat part of “lather, rinse, repeat” is just a suggestion..
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:29 am rating: 5
- #10.2 CS harmonikah
  
  Now i just picture that episode of Seinfeld where Kramer is trying to learn how to cut his shower time down to less than an hour.
  
  Maybe the writer could make his coffee in the shower.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:31 am rating: 4
- #10.3 Geek Goddess
  
  We don’t really know for sure that they drive for 45 minutes. All we know is that they drive for 45 minutes without caffeine. Perhaps they are stopping 45 minutes into the drive and getting coffee somewhere. Or they have coffee before they leave, but the caffeine has left their system by the time they are only 45 minutes away from the office. We need the full story here.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:13 am rating: 3
- #10.4 Sirius¤
  
  The coffee I drink before I leave has left my system 45 minutes into the commute. Fortunately, I have Sham-Wow seat covers.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:28 am rating: 14
- #10.5 CS harmonikah
  
  It could be a 3 hour drive but there are only coffee shops every 45 minutes on the drive. But then if they wake-up at 3 to make a 3hour drive to get to work at 4:45, i’m less interested now in the coffee and more in the whole “manipulating the fabric of the space-time continuum” thing.
  
  … sorry for rambling. I haven’t had my morning coffee because someone drink all of my half & half.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:34 am rating: 6
- #10.6 KatieMB
  
  …. and it was yummy! Thanks!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 3:07 pm rating: 2
- #10.7 clumber
  
  CS MouthOrgan: Time Zones. S/He lives in Iowa and commutes to Chico.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 5:48 pm rating: 2
- #10.8 CS harmonikah
  
  Well played, my friend, well played.
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 10:10 am rating: 1
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#11 you suck at craigslist

‘Cause, you know, it’s absolutely impossible to make coffee at home.

Wait, if someone uses 3/4 of the 1/2 & 1/2, how much would be left? 3/16ths?

Jun 30, 2009 at 11:03 pm rating: 11

reply to this comment
- #11.1 Sirius¤
  
  Simple.
  
  Just let x = the initial amount of 1/2 & 1/2.
  Let y = the amount taken by some heartless bastard in the office.
  Let I = someone who voluntarily gets up at 3 am and then bitches about it.
  Therefore, 3/4x=y and ∞ = how much Sirius hates algebra.
  
  Jun 30, 2009 at 11:54 pm rating: 18
- #11.2 AuntyBron
  
  Actually the answer is 1/4.
  
  1/2 and 1/2 equals 1.0
  1 .0 minus 3/4 equals 1/4
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:20 am rating: 4
- #11.3 ryanmalloy
  
  another math challenge:
  
  Someone has to start work at 4:45. The way to work takes 45 minutes (almost).
  
  a) When do they have to leave home?
  b) If they get up at 3:00, will they have enough time to prepare and drink a cup of coffee before leaving?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:38 am rating: 10
- #11.4 park rose
  
  I love sirius and I love algebra, but I, who love[s] sirius and who love[s] algebra, understand neither.
  
  I, who gets up at 3 sounds right, but I’ve got a funny feeling…
  
  I – who the fuck gets ups at 3? – won’t get any (coffee).
  
  Relative clauses…gotta love them… especially the ones between consenting adults.
  
  Ready to be dressed down (probably something similar to this has been posted below – sorry, if that’s the case).
  
  Oh, AuntyBron, don’t be all fractious there, though I like me a fraction almost as much as some algebra. Not that I understand either.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:44 am rating: 3
- #11.5 T imo®
  
  Relative clauses reminds me of the time the neighbors uncles both showed up at christmas time dressed up as santa. They wound up drunkenly duking it out until the local rcmp shot them off the roof.
  Ah christmas memories are the best.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 9:44 am rating: 16
- #11.6 park rose
  
  Got it figured, too. Sleep, it’s the best. I, (a person) who gets up early…
  
  Reminds me of an old song that no-one may know:
  
  I, who went searching for a po’boy,
  though they are seldom sold,
  have squandered long distances for a pocketful of grumbles, such are premises
  All limes and zest, still a man hears what he wants to hear
  And disregards the rest, hmmmm
  
  Couldn’t work coffee or much sense into it, but if anyone else is up to it?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 5:31 pm rating: 7
- #11.7 Geek Goddess
  
  When I left my home and family, to be at work by 4:45
  Creamer finished off by strangers
  Commuting to the railway station, no coffee served
  Writing notes, seeking out a few more quarters, where the decaf people go
  Looking for the places only coffee drinkers know
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 5:55 pm rating: 8
- #11.8 NewMoon
  
  I am just a poor gal and my coffee needs are strong
  I’ve abandoned my good humor for a thimblefull of half and half, that’s all I ask
  Oh yes it’s true, this gal needs what she oh so needs
  And disregards the rest, hmmmm
  
  When I left my home and my family, I needed some more coffee
  In the company of strangers
  In the fridge where I left it, cool, ah so cool
  Looking low, looking high, for some half and half, as haggard people do
  Looking for that sweet relief that only they would know
  
  Li la li…
  
  Asking only for some half and half, I come lookin for a swig but I get no comfort
  Just the leavins from the whores up on the 7th floor
  I know its you! There were times when I was so hard up
  I took some from up there
  
  Li la li…
  
  In the breakroom there stand I, a worker, and a slacker at my best
  And I carry the reminder of every moocher in the place that took my stuff took my stuff
  til I cried out in my anger and my shame
  I am leaving, I am leaving, but fuck yes I still remain
  Fuck yes I still remain
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:29 pm rating: 8
- #11.9 AuntyBron
  
  Passive Aggressive Paul and Artie – I’m in heaven. Sigh
  
  Jul 3, 2009 at 11:45 pm rating: 2
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#12 Laurel

Well… Sucks to be you?

There’s really no way to take this back, why bother unless it happens all the time?

Jun 30, 2009 at 11:06 pm rating: 2

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#13 leftfoot

Oh jeez. In the time it took them to write the note, they could have just put some milk in the coffee and bought some later. I’ve run out before, too. It’s not the end of the friggin world (and why I keep powdered on hand for emergencies).

Jun 30, 2009 at 11:12 pm rating: 2

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- #13.1 RunBarbara
  
  powdered milk smells like poor people.
  
  i dont like poor people.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:08 am rating: 25
- #13.2 NewMoon
  
  I love the smell of poor people in the morning. Smells like…. victory
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:44 pm rating: 3
- #13.3 Snippy
  
  Or is that “Viceroys”?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:50 pm rating: 4
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#14 Beanster

“6/11, 4:50 am”

I can’t decide if this is a reference to the show 24

may eleventh, four fifty am

or an allusion to 9/11 to make her lack of coffee all the more grave

Jun 30, 2009 at 11:15 pm rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #14.1 leftfoot
  
  that would be June 11, Beanster
  
  Jun 30, 2009 at 11:17 pm rating: 1
- #14.2 Beanster
  
  i know. damn no edit. i tried to put in fake html too but it ate them. comment fail
  
  {jack bauer} the following events take place on june eleventh, between four am and five am {/jack bauer}
  
  Jun 30, 2009 at 11:26 pm rating: 2
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#15 ClearlyDemented

Anyone who writes ‘and’ as a three with a line through it deserves to have all their dairy products stolen, completely. She got off easy if you ask me.

Jun 30, 2009 at 11:25 pm rating: 6

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- #15.1 Beanster
  
  that’s right. everyone knows the hand written symbol for “and” is a plus sign with south and west connected.
  
  (west) +
  ——(south)
  
  verbal descriptions aren’t my thing
  
  Jun 30, 2009 at 11:33 pm rating: 3
- #15.2 oi!
  
  Little boys who eavesdrop deserve to know the truth, and the truth is usually devastating.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:09 am rating: 3
- #15.3 GK
  
  Give me ampersands or give me death!
  
  Jul 7, 2009 at 2:49 am rating: 4
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#16 bsr

I need caffiene at 3 a.m,!!!

Jun 30, 2009 at 11:31 pm rating: 1

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- #16.1 ryanmalloy
  
  you need a dictionary
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:56 am rating: 24
- #16.2 fluffy8u
  
  and a grammar book
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 5:59 pm rating: 1
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#17 ClearlyDemented

If I worked in this office, I would absolutely have to dump the half & half every night before I left.

Jun 30, 2009 at 11:32 pm rating: 12

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- #17.1 tinkerbell2
  
  dump IN the half and half?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:01 am rating: 2
- #17.2 T imo®
  
  Half and half now with added protein!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 9:46 am rating: 3
- #17.3 fluffy8u
  
  Interesting… I would have poured Vodka into her precious half & half.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:03 pm rating: 1
- #17.4 Snippy
  
  How would you have known which half was hers?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:05 pm rating: 3
- #17.5 fluffy8u
  
  Ho… good point…
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:18 pm rating: 2
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#18 kp

Half & Half is a requirment for coffee? I cry weakness.

Jun 30, 2009 at 11:35 pm rating: 13

reply to this comment
- #18.1 Snippy
  
  Yes, crying is a sign of weakness.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:46 pm rating: 4
- #18.2 KatieMB
  
  Wipe your tears, Snippy-do.
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 6:06 pm rating: 2
- #18.3 Snippy
  
  Snippy dew.
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 6:13 pm rating: 2
- #18.4 KatieMB
  
  Don’t cry over mispelled dew…
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 6:21 pm rating: 2
- #18.5 park rose
  
  mis-spilt?
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 6:51 pm rating: 2
- #18.6 Snippy
  
  Don’t you mean Miss Spelt, the Brisbane baker?
  
  I tried posting this earlier with a helpful hypertext link, but my comment vanished into the digital void (which curiously takes us back to “the Shocker” on the “yours goddamn truly” thread).
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 7:41 pm rating: 0
- #18.7 KatieMB
  
  You promised to never speak of her again and yet, you have broken that promise.
  
  I believe flowers or a cup of coffee with half and half are in order.
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 8:04 pm rating: 0
- #18.8 Snippy
  
  Yeah, but I was half baked at the time. Let’s put her sticky buns behind us. May I offer you some coffee with a strong bouquet?
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 8:09 pm rating: 0
- #18.9 KatieMB
  
  When you reference a strong bouquet, I do hope you mean…
  
  *smiles*
  
  Yes, I see we are on the same page.
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 8:45 pm rating: 0
- #18.10 park rose
  
  @18.6
  Miss Pelt? Come now, said the beaver to the eel.
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 9:53 pm rating: 2
- #18.11 ClickClack
  
  Ooh, rose, you sly minx!
  
  Jul 3, 2009 at 2:55 am rating: 2
- #18.12 park rose
  
  Sorry to be the proverbial spoke in, and, the third wheel, but snippy, @ 18.6, there ain’t no point in crying over spilt spelt.
  
  Jul 3, 2009 at 7:19 am rating: 2
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#19 Matt

Maybe if she stopped drinking coffee she could afford a home closer to her work.

Jun 30, 2009 at 11:59 pm rating: 6

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#20 Zsa

I used to go to work at 5am and could make it a full 2 hours without coffee OR whining. and believe me, I did the jig of joy when 2pm came and I could leave!

Jul 1, 2009 at 12:29 am rating: 3

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#21 Kou

Oh no, a whole FORTY FIVE MINUTES? Oh no wait, ALMOST forty five minutes? That poor, poor soul. That just must be the longest commute anyone has ever had, and it must just make it impossible to brew their own coffee at home. Bless their little heart.

Jul 1, 2009 at 12:42 am rating: 8

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#22 marisa

woahhh i live in chico

Jul 1, 2009 at 12:48 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #22.1 oi!
  
  you kidding right?! I thought only two persons live in Chico. writer and submitter.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:14 am rating: 0
- #22.2 AuntyBron
  
  I’m pretty sure if the writer lived in Chico it wouldn’t take even 5 minutes to commute to work, much less almost 45.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:24 am rating: 2
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#23 RunBarbara

If I left a cunty note like that on the fridge, I wouldn’t get any, either!

Jul 1, 2009 at 12:54 am rating: 0

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#24 Luxor

So… buy (or “borrow” from nearest cafe) the individual serving half/halfs (like mini-moo’s) and just bring what you need for yourself each day @ work. Hide them in your purse/briefcase/backpack/totoro lunch box.

Jul 1, 2009 at 1:16 am rating: 0

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- #24.1 fluffy8u
  
  She could totally use the five finger discount.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:09 pm rating: 0
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#25 Michelle S.

Dear half & half thief: That was breast half & half!

Jul 1, 2009 at 1:21 am rating: 17

reply to this comment
- #25.1 AuntyBron
  
  — that was my baby’s calcium for the day!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:24 am rating: 37
- #25.2 Bunnee
  
  …and the coffee was my baby’s caffeine for the day!!! (darn you, Aunty, you beat me to it!!)
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 3:13 pm rating: 4
- #25.3 Geek Goddess
  
  …and the carton was my baby’s fiber for the day!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 5:57 pm rating: 3
- #25.4 Snippy
  
  Maybe a dingo ate your baby food.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:28 pm rating: 5
- #25.5 se
  
  may a dingo eat your baby
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 9:16 pm rating: 3
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#26 Feh

A note like that deserves “You’re welcome!” scrawled on the side, followed by a little heart.

Jul 1, 2009 at 2:09 am rating: 14

reply to this comment
- #26.1 T imo®
  
  and pink penii!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 9:48 am rating: 1
- #26.2 GK
  
  Why would you ever think that was the plural?
  
  Jul 7, 2009 at 2:52 am rating: 2
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#27 AnonEMouse

Dear Caffeine Freak,

That half + half was fucking delicious.

Jul 1, 2009 at 2:29 am rating: 8

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#28 Tracy

6/11 NEVAR FORGET

Jul 1, 2009 at 3:08 am rating: 15

reply to this comment
- #28.1 park rose
  
  Let’s not go so far.
  6/11 half-heartedly nevar forget (that’s why it’s in lower case).
  Let’s remembar what we’re not forgetting here.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:50 am rating: 4
- #28.2 anglophile
  
  So, drawing on my maths lesson from Sirius¤ above, 6/11 is 2/3 of 9/11?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 9:22 am rating: 11
- #28.3 park rose
  
  Okay then, lets go two-thirds of the way, baby.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 5:34 pm rating: 2
add to this thread
#29 Carol

Thieves are arse holes.

Jul 1, 2009 at 5:25 am rating: 3

reply to this comment
- #29.1 tinkerbell2
  
  Carol, are you the note-writer?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:03 am rating: 4
- #29.2 Carol
  
  *chuckle*, no.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:01 am rating: 2
add to this thread
#30 Susannie

The glass of half and half is certainly not half full!

Jul 1, 2009 at 6:11 am rating: 4

reply to this comment
#31 Nobody

I want to know what office in Chico is open so early that workers would need to get there by 5am. The only thing I can think of is, well, a coffee shop?

Jul 1, 2009 at 6:37 am rating: 11

reply to this comment
- #31.1 clumber
  
  bahahahah! Ok, i am now officially designating that this PAN is from a coffee shop.
  
  No, of course I don’t have ANY authority, so what.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 5:55 pm rating: 1
- #31.2 Maffs
  
  Actually…I think I know where this came from…and if I’m right…it’s a local tv station.
  
  Jul 9, 2009 at 4:46 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#32 stickman

The office opens at 8. The writer leaves early to avoid traffic.

Jul 1, 2009 at 7:15 am rating: 2

reply to this comment
#33 CS harmonikah

I may catch shit for this, but….

I feel like any condiments that are in the office kitchen, and dont have a name written on them, are up for grabs. Cream, milk, sugar, ketchup, fancy dijon mustard, whatever.

Jul 1, 2009 at 8:36 am rating: 9

reply to this comment
- #33.1 Holiday Djinn
  
  Of course, because you never buy them yourself.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 9:18 am rating: 4
- #33.2 CS harmonikah
  
  meh. Anyone is allowed to write their name on their precious $2.00 mustard. Or their special milk because they cant use the office cream.
  
  But milk expires, and that is wasteful. I steal it for all the starving children in somalia. I’m not saying i’m like Jesus or Ghandi, but i kinda am.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:16 am rating: 6
- #33.3 Holiday Djinn
  
  At least steal from your company rather than your fellow co-workers. That is all I am asking. Well, unless you are stealing from that uppity pregnant bitch who writes notes like, “That was my baby’s calcium”. You can totally steal from her ass. She deserves it because she acts entitled because she spreads her legs and got knocked up.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 2:24 pm rating: 3
- #33.4 KatieMB
  
  While I don’t condone stealing from the office fridge (unless of course, it’s an unopened can of Diet Coke…) , we all just know that putting something in the office fridge is basically saying, “TAKE ME!” To expect your precious half and half to still be there is just damned unrealistic. If it’s that important to you, keep your half and half in a locked cooler, handcuffed to you at all times.
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 6:19 pm rating: 1
add to this thread
#34 anglophile

I have to start work at 5 am two days a week. I have a half-hour commute. The first thing I did when I took the job was go off the caffeine, because I figured I did not want to mess around in the morning making coffee just to be awake enough to drive in.

I have two methods for staying awake without caffeine: one is to get up at 3 am, eat breakfast, get ready for work, and then take a 15 minute nap before driving in. The other is to get up 15 minutes before I have to leave, make a mad dash to get ready and rely on the adrenaline rush to get me there. The first method works better.

Jul 1, 2009 at 9:28 am rating: 8

reply to this comment
- #34.1 claw71
  
  Getting up early really cuts into my morning monkey spanking. I still get to work on time but my shirt is usually glued to my belly by the time I get there.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 10:48 am rating: 8
- #34.2 Snippy
  
  “Good morning, claw, I’m glad you’re he–
  God damn you, is that my half & half all over your shirt?!?”
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:12 pm rating: 3
- #34.3 NewMoon
  
  Or are you just happy to see me?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:35 pm rating: 3
add to this thread
#35 americantrotter

I am sure to be destroyed for this………..

At what point do you stop being funny and start becoming insensitive? I mean I know it’s lame to post the note and the emotion behind it is pretty crazy, but someone did steal someone else’s item.

What a fun world to live in. Stealing is ok, but note writers need be MOCKED on the internets.

Jul 1, 2009 at 9:36 am rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #35.1 anglophile
  
  Look, americantrotter. No, stealing is not ok. Yes, we would all be pissed if someone at our work stole our half-and-half, thus making it impossible for us to enjoy our much-anticipated cup of coffee.
  
  What makes it funny and mock-worthy is the writing and posting of such a note, because passive-aggressive notes never do any good, and frequently make things worse.
  
  Use your imagination for a second. If you were the sort of person who would use almost all of someone else’s half-and-half, what do you suppose your reaction would be on seeing this note? I can tell you this: it wouldn’t be to run out to the store and buy the notewriter a new quart of half-and-half. It would, no doubt, make you determined to use up the next container of half-and-half the writer brings in. That’s if you even realize it’s addressed to you at all. Most likely you would be the type of person who never even stops to think that someone would be upset by you drinking the half-and-half, and so therefore, you aren’t even aware you’ve just been scolded.
  
  All writers of p/a notes are living in a fantasy world akin to that world we lived in as children when our parents yelled at us and then we fantasized about running away or even possibly contracting a rare disease and dying. They’d be sorry then! But most people grow out of this stage and realize it is almost impossible to guilt people into feeling repentant. Those who don’t grow out of it write notes like this, expecting some sort of satisfaction they are never going to get, and we mock them.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 10:09 am rating: 30
- #35.2 claw71
  
  I’m not a fan of stealing but as far as I’m concerned when you put something in a communal refigerator you’re taking your chances. Especially with luxury items like half and half that are supposed to sit there for an inordinate length of time. It’s one thing to keep a day’s worth of stuff in there but when you start loading up for the week shit’s going to go missing.
  
  The note writer probably didn’t put her name on the half and half leading others to assume it was community creamer. I assume that she didn’t put her name on the container because she didn’t put it on this note either.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 10:28 am rating: 4
- #35.3 claw71
  
  I should clarify: I’m not a fan of stealing when it happens to me but if I’m the one doing the stealing it’s all good in the ‘hood.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 10:33 am rating: 5
- #35.4 DearJane
  
  We used to have a community creamer, but he got arrested and we haven’t seen him since.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:00 am rating: 24
- #35.5 CS harmonikah
  
  Stealing is ok, note writers are ok. But people who type in all caps need be MOCKED on the internet.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:27 am rating: 6
- #35.6 amy d
  
  At what point do I stop being funny and become insensitive? Why, never! I just become insensitively funny.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 1:36 pm rating: 6
- #35.7 KatieMB
  
  @ #34.4 DearJane.
  
  I miss him.
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 6:27 pm rating: 1
- #35.8 MAMARILLA2
  
  Stealing is bad, mmmkkkay.
  
  Jul 3, 2009 at 12:29 pm rating: 3
- #35.9 GK
  
  americantrotter must be new here, if he thinks the posts preceding his are the most insensitive thing ever posted on this site. Why, we haven’t had so much as a single remark from Claw about his age preferences!
  
  Jul 7, 2009 at 2:57 am rating: 3
add to this thread
#36 cam

I feel his pain, but I bet he regretted raging so much when he woke up a bit. I do that with comments on this site all the time, someone should ban me.. please…

Jul 1, 2009 at 9:37 am rating: 1

reply to this comment
#37 Junebug

Won’t get any? Why bring his sex life into this?

Jul 1, 2009 at 9:50 am rating: 4

reply to this comment
#38 claw71

I’m just wondering, does the note writer commute uphill? Both ways?

Jul 1, 2009 at 10:29 am rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #38.1 fluffy8u
  
  In the snow!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:49 pm rating: 1
- #38.2 Mishee
  
  Barefoot!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:57 pm rating: 1
- #38.3 fluffy8u
  
  With a boil on her foot!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:38 pm rating: 1
add to this thread
#39 wicked opinion

Dear americantrotter,
Just like Walmart, Internet is NOT plural.
Just a little FYI for ya’
You’re welcome.

Jul 1, 2009 at 10:42 am rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #39.1 claw71
  
  Dear wicked opinion:
  
  Just like facebook, passiveaggressivenotes.com offers a reply feature. (see I used it)
  Just a little FYI for you.
  
  You’re welcome.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 10:45 am rating: 11
- #39.2 americantrotter
  
  It was a joke. A lame joke, but a joke none the less.
  
  WOW in fact. I just realized how bad that post was. Telling someone off for using humor. The term internets is funny because people get it wrong so often. Then I get schooled by the dork police.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 10:59 am rating: 3
- #39.3 kawfee67
  
  Dear Wicked opinion,
  People who feel the need to correct other peoples grammar…SUCK.
  
  Just a little FYI for you.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:04 am rating: 3
- #39.4 oi!
  
  When you can’t resist mocking someone for their mistakes but you do it wrong and somebody else call it out to you for that then you should just stfu. Dignity my man dignity.
  look at 22.1 and 22.2
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 12:00 pm rating: 0
- #39.5 oi!
  
  Name at soyf*ckers on the other hand believes in beating dead oh, I am sorry decayed horse until the end of the world.
  Rose where are you?
  Dead gay grey horse is calling you.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 12:04 pm rating: 3
- #39.6 kp
  
  Kerry-Bush debate on October 8, 2004 changed the plurality of The Internets forever.
  
  It was a television event as important as the moon landing.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 3:40 pm rating: 3
- #39.7 Sirius¤
  
  Step 1: Everyone start talking like George Bush.
  
  Step 2: ?????
  
  Step 3: Profit!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 3:44 pm rating: 6
- #39.8 park rose
  
  Oi @38.1, I wasn’t going to flog it, but I can’t resist. It would be Dodecahedra, the long-dead gay decayed grey horse, no? Decagonaly trotting the diseased decathlon of the decade in December (12 times, or maybe 24).
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:42 pm rating: 2
add to this thread
#40 wicked opinion

You really shouldn’t take the note writer’s side on this website…it can only end badly. Trust me.

Jul 1, 2009 at 10:43 am rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #40.1 Geek Goddess
  
  Sometimes it is worse to take the submitter’s side, though.
  
  Just sayin’
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:09 am rating: 2
- #40.2 fluffy8u
  
  because usually the submitter did the deed?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:57 pm rating: 2
- #40.3 GK
  
  Taking any side other than Team Mockery is usually a good way to end up looking silly.
  
  Jul 7, 2009 at 2:59 am rating: 5
add to this thread
#41 wicked opinion

Every time I come onto this site I get my ass handed to me….*sigh…it hurts so good. And I happen to be very proud of my affiliation with the dork police, thank you. We have jackets and everything.

Jul 1, 2009 at 11:34 am rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #41.1 DearJane
  
  Does it feel weird having your ass handed to you? How do you sit after that? What if someone handed your ass to someone else? What if they didn’t want to give it back?!?! *eek!*
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 12:17 pm rating: 2
- #41.2 Geek Goddess
  
  What if somebody handed somebody else’s ass to you? Would you be able to sit even better? Could you hand it on to yet somebody else?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:01 pm rating: 2
- #41.3 Snippy
  
  “Is… THIS your ass?” *applause*
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:14 pm rating: 4
- #41.4 park rose
  
  After Snippy’s comment that ass, or parts close to it, has now got the clap. Maybe it should join Sisyphus.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:19 pm rating: 3
- #41.5 ClickClack
  
  I suspect that ass actually got the clap from a tainted member.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:26 pm rating: 3
- #41.6 park rose
  
  Sorry, my bad. On reflection (that is, after reading CC’s comment) maybe it should join Sirius¤.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:58 pm rating: 2
add to this thread
#42 wicked opinion

I give you all some credit…my ass is HUGE!

Jul 1, 2009 at 11:35 am rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #42.1 CS harmonikah
  
  so is your stubborn disregard for the reply button.
  4 wrongs don’t make a right.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 12:19 pm rating: 15
- #42.2 clumber
  
  Well thank heavens – the economic tsunami/recession/depression/bullshit must be finally OVER! Wicket is offering all of us credit!
  
  ’bout damn time, too. We really need to re-fence our yard. What is your %-age rate?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:01 pm rating: 2
- #42.3 shel
  
  So in my recent absence did we decide that gigglebrax was too complicated a word and we were sick of explaining what it meant I was eagerly awaiting the “Gigglebrax Fail!” And of course the threat of the unitard when someone mentioned that FD line….
  Is this some attempt to be more outsider friendly? Cause as an outsider, it made me feel like i belonged once I knew some of the secret lingo… and I just want to belong somewhere… *sniff sniff
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:34 pm rating: 3
- #42.4 ClickClack
  
  Things will seem better after you’ve ditched that cocaine habit.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:36 pm rating: 6
- #42.5 anglophile
  
  Don’t fret, shel, the next in-joke is just around the corner, and this time you’ll feel even cooler because you’ll see it be born. It’s a magical moment.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:05 pm rating: 3
add to this thread
#43 Wayne D.

I used to have a problem like this in college at the dorm fridge. Just dye it green. Solves it pretty quickly.

Jul 1, 2009 at 12:39 pm rating: 8

reply to this comment
- #43.1 fluffy8u
  
  So simple!! Yet so brilliant! Wow… do you know how much food I could have kept from being stolen?!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:07 pm rating: 2
add to this thread
#44 xs

If Disgruntled Diana rises at 3am and drives at 60mph to be at Chico at 4:45, and a tank truck full of half and half leaves Chico at 4:15 at 60mph timed to explode like a beached whale when they cross, when is the earliest DD can have coffee?

Jul 1, 2009 at 12:53 pm rating: 7

reply to this comment
- #44.1 clumber
  
  Finally, some algebra I can get behind! wait, who took my bra! Dammit Al….
  
  Shouldn’t there be a train leaving Chicago too? And what are the prevailing winds? African? European? Laden?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:03 pm rating: 5
- #44.2 park rose
  
  (Crosby? Stills? Nash?) Young?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:02 pm rating: 2
add to this thread
#45 Joseph

just drink it black and stop whining…baby.

Jul 1, 2009 at 1:10 pm rating: 5

reply to this comment
#46 Matt

Um, some of us have managed to travel to get to work at 5 am and have never had a cup of coffee to drink. Oh look, I made it through the day, I must be using witchcraft.

Jul 1, 2009 at 4:26 pm rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #46.1 Bcteagirl
  
  Apparently the writer of this particular ditty prefers Bitchcraft ©.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 4:58 pm rating: 2
- #46.2 fluffy8u
  
  Wow, Matt! I use witchcraft too! I prefer the Skyy flavor, but …. I’m starting.. to think we’re not tal..king.. about… alcohol… again…
  heh, heh… uh… this is awkward… don’t mind me!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:19 pm rating: 1
- #46.3 GK
  
  Burn the witch!
  
  Jul 7, 2009 at 3:06 am rating: 2
add to this thread
#47 Farcical Aquatic Ceremony

hey everyone! thought I’d make my enjoyment of this site official by signing up & joining in : )

how did the thief use up “most” of a container of half ‘n’ half at one time, is what I’m wondering…

the note-writer be be sorry when she finds out that the thief took the stuff in order to make her a cup of rich, creamy (half ‘n’ half-y) chocolate mousse…

Jul 1, 2009 at 5:06 pm rating: 1

reply to this comment
- #47.1 Sirius¤
  
  Welcome. Love the name!
  
  (But you can’t expect to wield Supreme Executive Power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!)
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 5:59 pm rating: 4
- #47.2 clumber
  
  I didn’t vote for ‘im
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:04 pm rating: 4
- #47.3 Mark
  
  “moistened bint”
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:40 pm rating: 1
- #47.4 anglophile
  
  I thought we were an autonomous collective.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:54 pm rating: 1
- #47.5 Dennis
  
  We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:22 pm rating: 1
- #47.6 Beanster
  
  ‘elp! ‘elp! I’m being repressed!!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:23 pm rating: 2
- #47.7 fluffy8u
  
  Clumber, you don’t vote for kings.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:14 pm rating: 1
- #47.8 Sirius¤
  
  bloody peasant!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:18 pm rating: 1
- #47.9 fluffy8u
  
  Somehow it’s not surprising that everybody here knows Monty Python.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 8:40 pm rating: 1
- #47.10 NewMoon
  
  Yes it is so surprising.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 9:02 pm rating: 1
- #47.11 ryanmalloy
  
  Our weapon is surprise…surprise and fear… Our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency…. Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope…. Our *four*…no… Amongst our weapons…. Amongst our weaponry…are such diverse elements as fear, surprise….
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 1:24 am rating: 4
add to this thread
#48 Mishee

“Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I’m being repressed!”

Jul 1, 2009 at 6:44 pm rating: 2

reply to this comment
- #48.1 Mishee
  
  (should’ve been 46.4)
  
  AHHHHHH! KERRY! HEISA IS BEING MEAN!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 6:45 pm rating: 1
- #48.2 Beanster
  
  darn you mishee – your nesting fail caused me to be redundant!
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:24 pm rating: 1
add to this thread
#49 ClickClack

To Half & Half — not.

Jul 1, 2009 at 7:07 pm rating: 7

reply to this comment
- #49.1 park rose
  
  Having trouble with tying your tie, CC? Or is it wrestling holds that ail you?
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:12 pm rating: 3
- #49.2 ClickClack
  
  The Half Nelson: “Ha– “
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 7:27 pm rating: 3
add to this thread
#50 fluffy8u

Off topic moment: I’m not getting the “edit” option anymore, is it just my sad excuse for a computer/internet or is it a new thing for PAN?

Jul 1, 2009 at 10:07 pm rating: 1

reply to this comment
- #50.1 zombieBlanco
  
  fluffy8u-
  
  You are not alone! It’s been missing since eerac upgraded the site a couple nights ago. It’s like being in the stone age.
  
  zB
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 10:14 pm rating: 2
- #50.2 GK
  
  How can we be expected to live like this?! In this squalor?! A world without comment editing… it’s madness!
  
  Jul 7, 2009 at 3:08 am rating: 2
add to this thread
#51 StuffUnemployedPeopleLike.com

I don’t have a job, therefore I don’t need coffee in the morning. But when I did have a job, and on the occasions I would drink coffee, I drank it black. So that note writer outta STFU.

Jul 1, 2009 at 10:40 pm rating: 1

reply to this comment
- #51.1 oi
  
  yeees! That is the best reason I read in this forum why she should stfu.
  I work and I work five days a week, very hard. so you should stfu.
  
  Jul 1, 2009 at 11:00 pm rating: 1
add to this thread
#52 psh

this is the most passive-aggressive thing ever…

http://www.ihateyounatalie.com/?id=1678835

Jul 1, 2009 at 11:00 pm rating: 1

reply to this comment
- #52.1 OnFt
  
  Low. I also hear people can be prosecuted for this sort of thing.
  Of course, this clearly won’t help him.
  Prehaps I’ll get him some half & half, as a consilatory gift.
  
  Jul 2, 2009 at 6:05 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#53 Maffs

DUDE….I actually KNOW who left this note. I used to work there and would recognize her handwriting anywhere…

She’s a massive b, for sure.

Jul 9, 2009 at 1:46 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
- #53.1 claw71
  
  Anybody can claim to know who wrote the note. I think all of us have tried to do that at one time or another. I once had most of the regulars on this site believing that I was once in a drag queen chorus line with Anthony Grosso.
  
  If you want to impress us, we’ll need verification. Pictures, additional notes….specific details that would substantiate this claim.
  
  We’ll also need your credit card number and your home address.
  
  Jul 9, 2009 at 1:56 pm rating: 1
- #53.2 se
  
  what, now you’re trying to convince people that you’re not a drag queen? You posted pictures and copies of playbills on your MiSpace page.
  
  Jul 9, 2009 at 2:14 pm rating: 0
- #53.3 claw71
  
  But Anthony Grosso wasn’t the guy dressed up as Liza Minelli….that was actually Liza Minelli.
  
  Jul 9, 2009 at 2:19 pm rating: 0
- #53.4 Maffs
  
  I would love to prove to you that I know which member of the Chico Local News Station left this note…but I am long gone from that station and that city. I also know that the note writer in question, who should be there earlier to read their scripts, strolls in at 4:45 just in time to do make up and walk to the set before the show airs live at 5:30am.
  
  And the submitter, one of my favorite Master Control Operators.
  
  Jul 9, 2009 at 4:54 pm rating: 0
add to this thread
#54 Unitard

I will proudly wear the unitard in support of the “fucking delicious!” campaign!

That half and half was FUCKING DELICIOUS!

Jul 15, 2009 at 3:16 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#55 Nathan Lawrence

I like the 4:50 AM in the corner. A nice sort of “pity me” touch.

Jul 31, 2009 at 3:17 pm rating: 0

reply to this comment
#56 Coffee, mate? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com — funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

[...] I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine Share0mail it! This post is favorited by 0 registered [...]

Apr 7, 2010 at 1:45 pm rating: 0

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funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

June 30th, 2009 · 223 comments

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