Entries from July 2009

The Kronic—what?—kles of Keith

July 30th, 2009 · 151 Comments

One lazy Sunday, when our anonymous submitter in Minneapolis spotted this bit of graphity on a wooden bridge at a park, “At first I thought it was sweet in a sad kind of way,” he says. But then he kept finding more — “on benches, picnic tables, even trees, and they got progressively more insane.”

And yet, as many questions as these notes raise, I’m sure we can all agree that whatever Keith’s wife did, IT HAD TO BE DONE.

The Keith Kronikles

The Keith Kronikles

The Keith Kronikles

The Keith Kronikles

Here, Keith’s wife really shows off her flair for language (which we got a brief glimpse of in her earlier “hot dog” opus.)

The Keith Kronikles

The Keith Kronikles

Then, evidently quite pleased with herself, Keith’s wife gives herself an encore on another bench.

The Keith Kronikles

related: to have and to hold

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · drugs · ex drama · heart · Minneapolis/St. Paul · money · WTF?

But a mother’s love is the best gift of all…right?

July 29th, 2009 · 116 Comments

Andrea in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin says her friend McKenna woke up on her 19th birthday to find this note on the counter from Mom.

(You can tell it’s heartfelt because of the underlining.)

McKenna, Happy birthday! Please shovel the front sidewalk. Thank you. I went to Madison

related: when a card just won’t do

Tags: birthday · Moms & Dads · Wisconsin

Don’t blame us

July 28th, 2009 · 158 Comments

Exhibit a) Spotted at a laundromat in Silver Lake by Jessica in Los Angeles…

Don't BLAME Us If there aren't any paper towels!!! We do our best to have a clean well run Laundromat for you to do your laundry. But, someone is: STEALING PAPER TOWELS. Taking a bunch of towels off the dispenser and taking them home. Can you believe it???? So, if there aren't towels when you need one, now you know why. Thank you.

Exhibit b) From Ronnie’s Diner, also in LA.., by Valerie:

No dogs on the patio. Thanks to the crazy lady that called the health department. Mean people suck.

Exhibit c) From Barnacle Bill’s in Sarasota, Florida:

We regret not being able to provide these products: MILLER LITE, HEINEKEN, AMSTEL LITE, COORS LITE, FOSTERS, SAM ADAMS due to extremely poor customer service by J.J. Taylor.

Exhibit d) From, as Miranda explains, ” the local ‘community thrift store’ in Dahlonega, Georgia, where everything is donated, and all the people who work there…are volunteers. Raising the prices to compensate for the volunteers’ efforts? Makes TONS of sense to me!”
Due to shoppers not willing to put things they look at back as they found them the price is being increased due to the time spent by volunteers trying to organize room

But (because the decision had to be made) I would say that this  final note — spotted by Rusty at a B&B in Newfoundland — is my absolute favorite.

LAUNDRY IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE. SORRY Due to Circumstances, the Decision HAD TO BE MADE.

related: When you can’t blame the dog

Tags: "customer service" · CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · excessive underlining · high on highlighter · laundry · passive voice · public shaming

Nutranot-so-sweet

July 27th, 2009 · 196 Comments

Writes Emily in Austin: “In the notewriter’s defense, this machine has also given me regular Coke when I have pressed ‘Coke Zero’ on many an occasion,  so when I saw this note, I thought I had figured it out. If I wanted Coke Zero, I just had to push the button for regular Coke. (I did…and it gave me regular Coke. Bitch!”) Meanwhile, on top of the machine was a can of Diet Coke and a can of Coke Zero with a note saying: ‘NOT Coke!’ After I took the picture, of course I took that Coke Zero and drank it.”

To: Coke Machine Person

Diet Coke just can’t get no love…certainly not in Williamsburg, Virginia, as Grace from D.C. discovered.

Repent, Coke Guy, Repent!

related: the real thing

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Coke · Diet Coke · pleasantries as afterthought · vending machine drama · you're like so going to hell

Love, Dad

July 26th, 2009 · 105 Comments

While returning a long-lost battery charger, Kaitlin’s Dad echoes the sentiments of parents with adult children everywhere.

Love, Dad
Meanwhile, Sarah in Greenville, S.C. shows the downside of giving in to parents’ nagging for unfettered access.

busted!

related: why you should not be facebook friends with your parents

Tags: CAPS LOCK · Facebook · Moms & Dads · San Francisco · signed with love · South Carolina

More crooked chiropractors

July 23rd, 2009 · 109 Comments

My favorite part of this landlord-chiropractor dispute in Brooklyn is the (professionally printed?) “tenant snuck out over the weekend” sign. How long has this landlord had that one in reserve?

TENANT SNUCK OUT OVER WEEKEND

Meanwhile, Dan in Dallas received this direct-mail don’t from a doc he’s dubbed “Dmitri the chiropractor.”

spinal manipulation

related: spinal manipulation

Tags: Brooklyn · Dallas/Fort Worth · landlords and property managers · message to all intended for one

Can you hear me now, biotch?

July 22nd, 2009 · 161 Comments

Our anonymous submitter — a college student in Michigan — “borrowed” this note under the pretense of reading it to empathize with the recipient. “While the note itself is straight up aggressive,” she says, “I do know that it has followed months of passive-aggressiveness.” And most of these complaints, she says, are totally legit. “I’ve been in the adjoining room while she’s in the bathroom and it’s pretty offensive.”

I can hear everything.

related: Your new best friend

Tags: college life · hygiene · Michigan · noise · roommates · that's disgusting

Get your “nozzle” off my “hose”

July 20th, 2009 · 128 Comments

“We’ve had trouble with our downstairs neighbors since we moved in,” says Sara in Madison. “Well, really just one of them, a woman in her fifties.” This neighbor’s most recent dose of crazy appeared in the mailbox Sara shares with her roommate (“Little Buddy,” in crazy lady-speak).

We'd be glad to stop if we knew what the hell you were talking about.

I kinda prefer this note without any explanation whatsoever, but if you’re still craving more, Sara explains…sort of. “I had, in fact, bought and put a nozzle on the outside hose so I could spray down an animal cage. We do not, needless to say, have parties in the laundry room.  In fact, we’ve never had a party, ever, because we’re too afraid of her.”

related: sheena is a paintballer

Tags: CAPS LOCK · crazypants · neighbors · noise · old folks · Wisconsin

A lunch thief with serious balls

July 19th, 2009 · 124 Comments

Kim in Canberra says this A3-sized missive was posted in numerous locations on all four floors of her building. Of this numbered list, I’d say #3 is what puts it over the top.

On a related note:  Did you know the word “avocado” comes from the Aztec word for testicle? (Thanks, Wikipedia!)

Dear Avocado-stealer, I hope you enjoyed my avocado, the one I left (4th floor) for my lunch yesterday (Tuesday 13th May). Beyond my frustration not to find my lunch, I would like to say this: 1. I work hard to buy my food, I put effort in going to the shop to select it, why don't you? 2. If you are a

related: Who moved my cheese?

extra credit: Someone is stealing avocados, and guac cops are on the case [nytimes.com]

Tags: Australia · Canberra · college life · martyr complex · office fridge · stealing · TL;DR

Thanks for not asking

July 16th, 2009 · 140 Comments

Let me stop you right there. Before you say anything else, have you consulted this sign, as spotted on the door of a souvenir shop by Angie in Seattle?

No, we do not have change for the meter. Thanks for not asking

Or this one, as seen by Meghann outside a bar in San Francisco?

NO, I DON'T HAVE AN EXTRA CIGARETTE!

Well, then your questions will certainly be answered by my personal favorite, spotted by Jessie at a sandwich shop in Charlottesville, Virginia:

YES, WE WASH OUR LEMONS!!! NO, THERE ARE NO PRESCRIPTION DRUGS IN OUR FILTERED WATER!!!

related: Listing in NOW Magazine’s adult classifieds? $70. Revenge?

Tags: "customer service" · Charlottesville · exclamation-point happy!!!! · San Francisco · Seattle · thanks (but not really) · Virginia