As always, Facebook users are keepin’ it classy.
related: Tant pis, mon amie
extra credit: STFU, Marrieds
FILED UNDER: California · Facebook · frenemies · mean girls · most popular notes of 2009 · sad face · smiley · weddings and bridezillas
I hate people who complain in their status updates. (This will, of course, be my new status update)
Jul 11, 2009 at 7:26 pm rating: 66
I hate people who complain about complaining, at least the hated person has a reason to be complaining.
(self hatred, obviously)
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:16 pm rating: 19
what the hell are you supposed to say in your status?
Jul 14, 2009 at 7:55 pm rating: 8
Beanster is amused at how many people think she would want to drive two hours to listen to your sister sing and watch you live out your pathetic princess fantasies while putting your doomed-to-fail marriage in twenty-five thousand dollars worth of debt.
Jul 11, 2009 at 7:32 pm rating: 149
Twenty five thousand?? Man they got off CHEAP!!!
Jul 12, 2009 at 1:49 am rating: 4
I think this might be the funniest piece of observational comedy ever written. Like, in the history of ever.
Jul 13, 2009 at 11:15 pm rating: 2
(Beanster is feeling super complimented.)
Jul 13, 2009 at 11:53 pm rating: 0
July 6th seems like a weird day to get married anyway.
Jul 11, 2009 at 7:33 pm rating: 3
Trust me, it’s an even weirder day to be born on.
Jul 11, 2009 at 11:00 pm rating: 7
If you are still updating your facebook life every five minutes, you’re not mature enough to get married. Can I get an amen?
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:08 pm rating: 175
Amen! (in the form of thumb)
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:22 pm rating: 8
bhagavan no lakh lakh suker!
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:31 pm rating: 3
“_____ is about to consummate my marriage. I’ll be back in a minute or two to tell you all about it.”
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:41 pm rating: 129
CB, you are discovering twitteR!
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:46 pm rating: 7
“_______ is still thinking of England.”
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:56 pm rating: 40
Even worse than complaining updates are these…
“Getting breakfast, going to shower, get some coffee, and then go to the store.”
If you can’t entertain me, don’t update.
Jul 11, 2009 at 9:17 pm rating: 58
Even more puzzling are the people who find this sort of thing remotely interesting. Takes all the fun out of stalking when all you have to do is follow twitter.
Jul 11, 2009 at 9:26 pm rating: 18
My favorite are the quotes from songs that are supposed to be all meaningful and reflective of their lives and shit, but it’s just fucking ridiculous (and occasionally hilarious) because they’re still just complaining in their status.
Jul 12, 2009 at 12:15 am rating: 36
The very worst are those vaguely cryptic status updates that are designed to elicit sympathetic queries and lots of attention.
However, the worst becomes the best when no one bothers to respond with the desired clucks and head-pats.
Jul 12, 2009 at 12:37 am rating: 66
When sympathy eliciting is going on….sad stories and what-not, I like to just click the “Like” button.
I think that might make me a jerk. Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop.
Jul 12, 2009 at 12:45 am rating: 58
My post-wedding status update is going to be “______ is about to deflower her husband, brb.”
(On second thought, my dad and his mom and several other “grownups” and socially conservative friends are also on Facebook so that might not be the best idea.)
Jul 12, 2009 at 2:00 pm rating: 22
Amen to the 12th power.
Too tacky especially about the cost per head of each guest. Was daddy footing the bill by second mortgaging the house or were they starting the marriage off in massive debt? What better way to say “I love your American Express honey….I mean you dear forever.”
Jul 12, 2009 at 4:26 pm rating: 18
This obnoxious girl I’m FB friends with once updated with something like “my life is so rotten.. i should just die and everyone will be so happy i have nothing to live for” or some crap, and her mom replied with, “OMG what’s wrong??? are you okay?? I’m here for you!!” and she goes, “lol its a NIN lyric haha silly”. UGGGH So obnoxious.
Jul 13, 2009 at 11:45 am rating: 16
Michelle, you have just given me the biggest damn booster shot for never, ever wanting a social networking log on.
I want to punch your obnoxious FB friend square in the nosebridge over, and over, and over, and over…..
Jul 13, 2009 at 5:57 pm rating: 7
Isn’t listening to Nine Inch Nails a danger sign in itself?
Seriously, kids, if your song lyrics are indistinguishable from a suicide note, that may be a sign that you’re doin’ it wrong.
Jul 15, 2009 at 6:27 am rating: 13
That last guy knows what happened.
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:19 pm rating: 22
Maybe it was the former groom to be?
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:34 pm rating: 7
Nah, it was his secret girlfriend.
Or his mother.
Jul 11, 2009 at 10:22 pm rating: 7
I was thinking it was either the groom or bride as well because of the heart and broken heart over the pictures. Or maybe it’s a mother-in-law.
Jul 12, 2009 at 4:58 am rating: 1
my first thought would be that it’s the (former) bride to be’s best girlfriend…bc I know how that’s how me and my best friend would respond if one of us was marrying a douchebag and called it off!
Jul 12, 2009 at 7:47 pm rating: 2
It’s okay, I hate weddings. Put me down for the divorce proceedings though. Love is boring, but the dirty laundry you’ll air at your divorce is can’t miss entertainment!
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:31 pm rating: 40
You know what’s even better? Divorce Sales. When someone gets divorced, they’ll put their ex-spouse’s crap on the front lawn and sell it. Sometimes, if you get someone really bitter you can get a good deal, like a band new Wii for $20! That’s how my brother got his.
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:39 pm rating: 51
Power tools go really cheap too!
Jul 12, 2009 at 4:27 pm rating: 9
If my soon-to-be ex-husband ever tried to sell my power tools cheap, he would live to regret it.
Jul 12, 2009 at 5:50 pm rating: 14
Woman on the Verge
WotV is disappointed that today seems to be Facebook Saturday…. What happened to Facebook Friday? Is this a passive aggressive attempt to confuse me?
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:52 pm rating: 7
Woman on the Verge
WotV is happy that those two broke up. God forbid they had a chance to reproduce…
Jul 11, 2009 at 8:54 pm rating: 6
ya, because there’s no way they are getting a baby gift from me. i wasn’t invited to their public conception.
Jul 11, 2009 at 9:03 pm rating: 26
I wouldn’t want an invite. They’re probably uggos. Who wants to see uggos conceive?
Jul 12, 2009 at 12:40 am rating: 0
Timo is not amused with facebook sunday or the thought of sloped headed mouthbreathers mating. The possibility that their mongie spawn will be a hydrocephalus, lobster handed freak is good news for the county fair promoters though.
Jul 12, 2009 at 1:35 pm rating: 4
KatieMB is not amused. The End.
Jul 12, 2009 at 8:29 pm rating: 2
ok so she added these people to her facebook… posted every 5 minutes about her wedding… then acted like her ‘friends’ were idiots for expecting an invite…
I mean, hell, I’m not gonna invite everyone on my list either but I won’t treat them like garbage for asking.
Jul 11, 2009 at 9:05 pm rating: 46
It seems that you haven’t fully embraced the concept second-tier internet friends. All the cool kids these days invite random strangers who happen to be in their network. Don’t you want to be a cool kid?
Jul 12, 2009 at 12:25 am rating: 7
She should base her guest list on who has sent her the most Apps on the Face. Those are the people who really care.
Jul 12, 2009 at 10:22 am rating: 30
It’s good that FB has improved their privacy settings, but dumb as hell that they made them so complicated and didn’t make any good tutorials (that I know of). I have my “friends” sorted into several different lists, each of which has access to different things, but most people still aren’t aware you can do this. If care little enough for another person that you only speak to them once a year, why would you let them see all your status updates?
Jul 12, 2009 at 2:04 pm rating: 6
um, I don’t think these postings were all from the same person, but rather, a sampling of status updates related to weddings.
Jul 12, 2009 at 7:51 pm rating: 4
I’ll give you an “App of the Face” mamarilla.
I’ll “App” you good…
Jul 13, 2009 at 9:10 am rating: 1
I bet the first one is going to be a bridezilla.
Jul 11, 2009 at 9:18 pm rating: 7
Strike “going to be”.
Jul 12, 2009 at 1:43 pm rating: 11
See… this is exactly why I never want to get married. My best friend, the most complacent girl in the world, turned into a monster before her wedding. I’m pretty much a bitch. I’d probably kill myself a wedding planner or bridesmaid.
Jul 11, 2009 at 10:03 pm rating: 39
OMG! Don’t kill yourself! Who’d update your FB status?!?!?
Jul 12, 2009 at 8:31 pm rating: 17
This is yet more evidence that too much personal information is shared on Facebook.
Jul 11, 2009 at 11:41 pm rating: 3
What? You mean that people really don’t want to hear about the size and consistency of my last bowel movement? :O
Jul 12, 2009 at 12:12 am rating: 9
(Which means aaa has been making trouser chili)
Jul 12, 2009 at 12:51 am rating: 2
Better than Trouser Truffles.
Jul 12, 2009 at 5:06 am rating: 2
Jul 12, 2009 at 8:05 am rating: 0
Guess who’s on their period.
Jul 12, 2009 at 11:38 pm rating: 4
Is gunder trolling for vampires?
Jul 13, 2009 at 12:08 am rating: 1
I sneezed and blew a pixel onto the post
Jul 13, 2009 at 9:16 am rating: 3
Who are these 10-watt bulbs that keep using white-out and magic marker on their computer screens, that’s what I want to know.
Jul 12, 2009 at 8:07 am rating: 19
This is likely my second comment on this site ever, but I just had to say; what a bunch of self-centered cunts.
Jul 12, 2009 at 9:20 am rating: 2
Rather interesting. Has few times re-read for this purpose to remember. Thanks for interesting article. Waiting for trackback
Jul 12, 2009 at 11:55 am rating: 1
I may have a preposition or two that may interest you as well, perhaps a conjunction?
Jul 12, 2009 at 1:43 pm rating: 15
My hovercraft is full of eels.
Jul 12, 2009 at 2:54 pm rating: 22
It is good to be a Hamster.
Jul 12, 2009 at 3:18 pm rating: 8
Conjunction Junction, what’s your function?
Jul 13, 2009 at 12:11 am rating: 3
Someone set us up the bomb!
Jul 13, 2009 at 9:43 am rating: 5
All your comment are belong to us!
Track-back flap-jack sad-sack butt-crack knick-knack paddywhack…
Jul 13, 2009 at 7:25 pm rating: 2
What you say?!?
Jul 13, 2009 at 7:29 pm rating: 2
♫ Hit the road, Mac
and don’cha come back
no more, no more,
no more, no more! ♫
Jul 13, 2009 at 7:59 pm rating: 2
Is the “Waiting for trackback” bit meant to be a sample passive-aggressive note? It reminds me of the “do they teach thank-you notes in school” from the other day.
Jul 15, 2009 at 6:21 am rating: 2
Before the days of FB, I had a friend of a friend tell someone that she registered at Hudson’s (now Macy’s) for her wedding, but she also created a registry at Target “for her friends who were poor”. She also informed said person that she was just going to return the gifts from Target and use the money at Hudson’s for any leftover items on her registry.
I’m sure if FB had existed back then this somehow would have ended up in a status update.
Jul 12, 2009 at 1:50 pm rating: 23
Wow, what a snobby bitch. Even if she wanted her table settings and bedsheets from a high-end store, surely she could have thought of some useful things from a regular department store that her friends could have gotten. Pity all her “poor” friends who probably spent hours picking out gifts at Target.
Jul 12, 2009 at 2:07 pm rating: 17
The British Bride
Wow, dignity really is sparse in the world of facebook wedding drama!
Jul 12, 2009 at 4:50 pm rating: 4
Party in my Pants
Luckily the wedding was called off before the Bridezilla could fully develop!!
Jul 13, 2009 at 8:13 am rating: 1
Great, now the Pro-Bridezilla crowd will parade about waving photos of aborted Bridezilla fetuses.
Jul 13, 2009 at 8:53 am rating: 9
“It’s our wedding, it’s our right.”
Jul 13, 2009 at 11:55 am rating: 4
Obviously the gender of the facebook poster is identified in a few of these but I can’t help but wonder if the last one was lifted from a dude’s page. Can you imagine a guy getting all melodramatic about his wedding?
And I had the best cummerbund picked out…it took me forever to find it and now **SOB** I’ll never get to wear it. Booo hoooo hoooo.
Jul 13, 2009 at 8:46 am rating: 8
Yeah, yeah, just get those goddamn cans off of my car! I’ve got cruisin’ to do now that I’m free of that Harpie!
Jul 13, 2009 at 9:11 am rating: 8
You know what? I don’t think these statuses should be included in funny passive-aggressive notes. All these statuses were like, “people who weren’t invited should buzz off.” If there are people on your facebook that weren’t invited to your wedding, then you should shut the heck up about your wedding on facebook.
Jul 13, 2009 at 9:07 am rating: 4
Aw, Katie, you poor dear. If we were Facebook friends, I would totally invite you to my wedding.
Jul 13, 2009 at 9:17 am rating: 6
Best facebook status I ever saw was from a pregnant 17-year-old (name changed, and it probably had more spelling errors):
“Sarah just realized she is going to have a baby… a real baby… the kind that are fragile and stuff… ohh shit!”
Jul 13, 2009 at 7:14 pm rating: 19
… you should follow our #owt’s on Twitter…
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:13 am rating: 0
I’m actually more offended by the people who reply saying, “Oh you didn’t invite me” than the first girl. The first girl is definitely obnoxious and rude, and I would never say that out loud, let alone in a forum where hundreds of people can read it – but honestly, I can speak from experience when I say it is staggering how many people feel entitled to an invite (or even worse, feel that you should accomodate them at every move when it comes to the wedding). It is incredibly rude to assume you’re going to be invited (just as it’s incredibly rude for the bride/groom to expect gifts), and even worse to actually comment on it on facebook! Weddings are expensive, and tough decisions need to be made about how many guests you can afford and/or fit in your venue (in my case, the space is really the issue – I’m not cheaping out, I just can’t pack people in like sardines). Not everyone can invite 300 people, and feeling hurt that you weren’t invited is one thing – throwing it back in the couple’s face to make them feel like crap is quite another.
Jul 15, 2009 at 12:39 pm rating: 6
I love the person who wrote “finally.” I’m sure the groom-to-be was a major douche.
Jul 15, 2009 at 2:17 pm rating: 5
What say you, Emily Post? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] related: facebook wedding drama [...]
Dec 1, 2009 at 11:10 pm rating: 0
— The Beast Among Us
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Carnivores: keep being awesome!
actually totally reasonable
a little patronizing
clip art catastrophe
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landlords and property managers
Moms & Dads
more aggressive than passive
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signed with love
spelling and grammar police
thanks (but not really)
unnecessary "quotation marks"
You call that punctuation?