Writes Stephanie in Lubbock, Texas: “One day at work, there were four or five of these bulletins posted above all bathroom trash cans, with an additional flyer posted in the ‘memos’ section on the bulletin board. There’s such rage in her bulletin, it’s like she personally found crap resting on a pile of paper towels.”
Meanwhile, our submitter in Pennsylvania explains: “There are only three of us who use this bathroom, so obviously one of the other two people had a problem with me not adequately spraying the sickly-sweet ‘odor masker’ that doesn’t do anything other than mix with the ambient scent in the restroom to make it smell even worse than it might otherwise.”
Adds our submitter: “Oh, also, this sign went up when I had only four days left working here. I have a pretty good idea how i’ll be ‘celebrating’ my last day.”
related: this!! is how!! you know!! we mean it!!
168 responses so far ↓
#1
Rowdy
I always spray when I shit.
Jul 15, 2009 at 9:50 am rating: 28
#2
j
I hate the smell of flowery poo. Even worse is melon poo. Just saying.
Jul 15, 2009 at 9:50 am rating: 31
#3
Delurker
I cannot stand the smell of flowery shit. Maybe I need to write my own PA note–”If shit and ‘Tropical Breeze’ was a good combination, you’d be wearing it as a perfume. . .oh, wait, you are.”
Jul 15, 2009 at 9:54 am rating: 41
#4
Party in my Pants
Light a match! I keep some in my purse. You never know. I don’t like to spray scented stuff then it smells like you ate a bouquet of flowers!!
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:03 am rating: 15
#5
QuarterRoy00
I’m confused….How much feces should we put in the container??????????????????????????????
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:04 am rating: 8
#6
stickman
Try to pair the scent with the food, much like wine pairing…
Ocean Breeze, if you ate Mexican food.
Baby Powder, if you ate Italian.
Oriential Flowers, if you ate Chinese.
Pine Tree, if you ate chili.
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:08 am rating: 37
#7
YasminLMT
I’m pretty sure if I found a turd nestled in the trashcan, my rage could not be contained in red fonts and exclamation points. I might actually have to burn the office down… not passive-aggressive enough, I guess.
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:14 am rating: 20
#8
bean
But guessing what you ate is my favorite game from Biodome!
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:16 am rating: 4
#9
QuarterRoy00
I suppose I better keep some scented spray by my bed for the occasional Boston Steeple Chase…
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:19 am rating: 2
#10
Quite Contrary
These take micromanagement to a completely unacceptable level.
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:21 am rating: 6
#11
Joe
Pam B.? HR?
I thought Pam got promoted to sales?
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:21 am rating: 15
#12
bibberly
Regarding the first one: what are you supposed to do with dirty diapers, then? Full of feces, but should definitely go in the trash can. Where I used to work, someone flushed a used diaper down the toilet, and it was a mess of epic proportions (not to mention the smell, since we were on the second floor with no windows). After that, we had a sign instructing visitors in no uncertain terms to put all diapers in the trash – kind of the opposite of this sign.
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:22 am rating: 8
#13
HorribleLicensePlates
You know if I could be guaranteed that many exclamation points on a memo I might shit in a trashcan or two. Ha!
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:25 am rating: 2
#14
amy d
But, putting poo in the trashcan eliminates the fecal mist spray!
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:30 am rating: 9
#15
Jeff
The first one isn’t passive-aggressive at all.
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:31 am rating: 1
#16
Rowdy
What happens if I shit directly in the bathroom trash can? Would I have to spray then?
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:31 am rating: 7
#17
amy d
*sniffs*
I don’t remember eating that.
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:31 am rating: 3
#18
oi!
The second one sounds like self righteous idiot, I mean who even tries to defense that odor?
And he knows that the note is addressed to him. That says something.
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:34 am rating: 5
#19
Priss
If they really wanted to kill the odor of someone else’s crap, they’d get some Poopourri. Otherwise, it’s sticking a bouquet in the manure pile. Shit with floral overtones is still shit.
May your last day be a triumph.
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:36 am rating: 12
#20
Woman on the Verge
So who the hell is shitting in the trashcan? That’s the really passive aggressive note… no words necessary!
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:37 am rating: 6
#21
anglophile
One word: Oust™.
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:45 am rating: 2
#22
John
If the bacteria are in the feces, then they’re not airborne, are they? Unless the feces is airborne as well.
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:45 am rating: 25
#23
Devika
My favorite singer Jo Carol Pierce is from Lubbock, TX! Go Stephanie! Also, Neutra-Air works wonders when it comes to that lingering poop stench.
Jul 15, 2009 at 10:59 am rating: 1
#24
RoxyBlue
Why? Why the trashcan? And why infront of my car in the parking lot when there are public toilets in the mall? (Complete with used toilet paper.) Who walks around with a roll of toilet paper? Weird.
Jul 15, 2009 at 11:31 am rating: 3
#25
T imo®
Flowery poo is no ones friend. A poo by any other name is still a poo and still smells as rank.
Jul 15, 2009 at 11:44 am rating: 3
#26
oi!
“…odor masker’ that doesn’t do anything other than mix with the ambient scent in the restroom to make it smell even worse than it might otherwise.”
Does the second submitter realizes that he just admitted:
a) He is the guilty of said odor and
b) He does not take care of the odor either.
This kind of people need to clear out the gene pool.
Jul 15, 2009 at 11:47 am rating: 5
#27
blue-eyes
How does Pam know people are leaving shit in the trashcans? Is she digging through them looking for something and just happens to stumble upon some shit? On a regular basis? Maybe Pam needs to keep her face out of trashcans.
Jul 15, 2009 at 11:48 am rating: 4
#28
NewMoon
At my office, there was a sign in the bathroom that said: “Please be sure toilet flushes COMPLETELY!”
I think there are some people who simply have a big interest in other people’s shit, and sometimes in controlling what they do with their shit. Shit happens and it stinks, move on, get a life.
Jul 15, 2009 at 12:15 pm rating: 10
#29
T imo®
Has no one posted the Bristol stool scale yet?
Jul 15, 2009 at 12:47 pm rating: 0
#30
Michael Jackson's Brain
I have one question for Pam B. at ext 30 and it is this……..
Who cut your hair?
Jul 15, 2009 at 12:58 pm rating: 0
#31
Meh
I didn’t know the Federal Environmental Conservation Enforcement System contained airborne bacteria. Kinda counterintuitive. Huh, learn something new everyday.
Jul 15, 2009 at 1:06 pm rating: 2
#32
aaa
What? Nobody’s used the ever-clichéd “That’s what she said!” in response to the second note yet?
Jul 15, 2009 at 1:07 pm rating: 1
#33
Pants Go Brown
This is my favourite part ……..’Feces is an airborne bacteria. And is a definite infection control hazard.’
Like just saying don’t put shit in the garbage can wouldn’t suffice.
Jul 15, 2009 at 1:12 pm rating: 4
#34
vivitop
Submitter: “oh, also, this sign went up when I had only four days left working here. i have a pretty good idea how i’ll be ‘celebrating’ my last day.”
If it was my last day, I would take a massive dump and I would “forget” to flush… Maybe I would forget to wash my hands too.
Jul 15, 2009 at 1:26 pm rating: 0
#35
Snippy
re: Note #1 – Great, now they’ll go back to leaving it in the shower again.
Jul 15, 2009 at 1:38 pm rating: 2
#36
claw71
Why am I less concerned about the feces in the trashcan than I am by the fact that HR seemed to notice? What the fuck, Pam? Seriously!
Jul 15, 2009 at 1:42 pm rating: 7
#37
aaa
Oh goody! I have another chance to spread the joy of the Battle Asses! X3
(I’ll give you $5 if you don’t make the pun.)
Jul 15, 2009 at 1:51 pm rating: 1
#38
crackjob
“Flowery poo” smell is offensive. What we need is an air freshener that smells like poo.
Jul 15, 2009 at 2:09 pm rating: 9
#39
T imo®
I wasn’t shitting in the sink! I thought it was a very high bidet.
Jul 15, 2009 at 2:41 pm rating: 2
#40
Mike M.
I once had a shit eating dog……he had to go!
Jul 15, 2009 at 3:04 pm rating: 0
#41
claw71
For some reason restroom notes always make me want to do the opposite of what they demand. In the first scenrio I would probably walk right into Pam’s office and crap on her desk calendar. Then I’d tack to the turd a published paper refuting her claim that feces contains airborne bacteria. It most assuredly does not. If that was the case farts would be harmful and every one of my coworkers, friends and family would have e-coli poisoning. Pam is a germ-o-phobe who is making up facts to support her irriational fears. Somebody needs to make her perform a rusty trombone to help her get over it. Trust me Pam, it’s for your own good.
As far as I’m concerned, referring to note two, public restrooms are supposed to stink every once in a while. That’s how it is. If you walk in after somebody bombed Hiroshima you can either grin and bear it or go out and give them a high five. Leave a note like that around me and I’ll do all of my business with the door open. Then I’ll sit there and intermittently spray the air freshener–not to mask the smell, but to take advantage of the propellant and be certain that the aroma of my personal accomplishment reaches every corner of the office. Garlicky greens, bitches. Want to leave another note?
Jul 15, 2009 at 3:17 pm rating: 4
#42
ss99352
It came from HR because in our litigious society no one else wants to get involved and “all directives must come with the Good HR stamp of approval.”
At our last contractor position, HR apparently had to issue memos asking people to please stop urinating into the drain holes in the bathroom floor–because some of them were actually doing just that. One employee was fired for defecating into a shaft of the facility that was under construction–much to the dismay of the poor guy who was in there cleaning up prior to the concrete needing to be poured the next day.
Jul 15, 2009 at 3:28 pm rating: 5
#43
Pants Go Brown
Attention HR, your dead at recess………
Jul 15, 2009 at 4:14 pm rating: 0
#44
globalnole
Americans should just be grateful that they do not use the traditional “german toilet”
http://asecular.com/~scott/misc/toilet.htm
Jul 15, 2009 at 4:45 pm rating: 0
#45
TP
Do you work overnights? ‘Cause if so, you could be the Midnight Bomber, what bombs at midnight – YEAH baby, YEAH!
Jul 15, 2009 at 6:18 pm rating: 1
#46
Angela
ewwwww!
Jul 15, 2009 at 6:37 pm rating: 0
#47
Neeners
Both poo offenders probably have voluntary encopresis. I say they both should really smear up the place and go out in style, especially Pennsylvania. Write their names on a wall or a favorite poem before saying hasta la vista to that stupid job. Let everyone know how you really feel. No one needs a reference that bad.
People who think their shit don’t stink are usually the ones complaining about other people’s shit stinking! It’s a bathroom people, an indoor room where people crap. Therefore sometimes it is normal for it to smell like shit not flowers.
Jul 15, 2009 at 7:39 pm rating: 0
#48
Jsmoke
“Shitter was full”
Jul 15, 2009 at 9:13 pm rating: 3
#49
Beatrix Kiddo
I just want to know what possible questions anyone could have regarding the no-feces directive. “Hi, Pam. Marge in Sales here — just wondering about the no-feces rule. Are we talking human or animal waste? Just wondering, kthxbai!”
Jul 15, 2009 at 11:11 pm rating: 2
#50
Rambling Daisy
The only thing the aromatic spray does is make it smell like someone “shit a rose garden.”
Jul 16, 2009 at 12:00 am rating: 0
#51
Canthz_B
This reminds me of childhood.
A Pooh Bear.
(If a Pooh Bear poohs in the Hundred Acre Wood and there’s no one there to smell it, does it still smell like shit?)
A skunk named Flower in Bambi.
I miss my diaper.
*pout*
Jul 16, 2009 at 12:54 am rating: 0
#52
Canthz_B
*
Jul 16, 2009 at 1:02 am rating: 1
#53
eeyore19
There was a note almost identical to this at a place I used to work at. The cleaning girl freaked out and posted a note in the bathroom complaining about people throwing their used toilet paper on the floor.
Jul 16, 2009 at 7:39 am rating: 0
#54
Party in my Pants
Note to Self: Call Pam in HR (x30) and ask her for her job description. My copy does not include “bathroom monitor.”
Jul 16, 2009 at 8:27 am rating: 0
#55
Ghostbuck
As my friend said upon exiting the bathroom and liberally spraying the floral air freshner: “I still wouldn’t go in there. Now it just smell like somebody took a dump in the flower garden.”
Jul 16, 2009 at 9:21 am rating: 1
#56
Winona
My boss at a former workplace hung the following sign in the very centrally-located restrooms:
“If a stinky is what you plan on, for God’s sake, leave the fan on!”
Jul 16, 2009 at 11:33 am rating: 0
#57
Bella
hilarious and the comment section is too!!
Jul 16, 2009 at 5:44 pm rating: 0
#58
Poop
About putting toilet paper down the toilet, it’s a cultural thing. There are places in the world where the people care very much about their hygiene, and they use trash bins for used toilet paper. The toilet is the receptacle for body waste, but not for paper.
Jul 19, 2009 at 1:09 am rating: 0
#59
Medic!
My partner and I have the task of cleaning the restrooms at the fire station we work at, and it can get pretty bad in there. There’s no air freshener anywhere in sight!
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:26 pm rating: 0
#60
Felicity
I’ll bet the person who wrote the first sign actually did find poo in the garbage can. I can imagine how angry I’d be if I were the custodian.
I can also imagine how the poo got there. Someone really, really had to poo, and all the stalls were full, and they said to themselves, “I’m going to detonate *right now*. I can either poo in my clothes, poo on the floor, poo in the sink, or…hey, a trash can. That’s the least disgusting option.”
Jul 27, 2009 at 6:09 pm rating: 0
#61
Andrew
I refuse to acknowledge any signs that completely ignore the rules of punctuation.
Aug 4, 2009 at 2:15 pm rating: 0
#62
natchie
If the the bacteria is airborne, then how can it be contained in the feces?
I’m so confused.
Aug 8, 2009 at 2:10 pm rating: 0
#63
Samanta
Actually, we were driving through Louisiana, and, as my mom was leaving a gas station restroom, she saw an elderly Mexican woman hitching up her skirt and hoisting herself on top of the trash can. Needless to say, she did not stick around for the show, but we can’t figure out any other reason WHY someone would do that.
Aug 26, 2009 at 1:55 am rating: 0
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