Oh! Shit!

July 15th, 2009 · 168 comments

Writes Stephanie in Lubbock, Texas: “One day at work, there were four or five of these bulletins posted above all bathroom trash cans, with an additional flyer posted in the ‘memos’ section on the bulletin board. There’s such rage in her bulletin, it’s like she personally found crap resting on a pile of paper towels.”

DO NOT PUT ANY!!! FECES IN THIS CONTAINER!!!!!!

Meanwhile, our submitter in Pennsylvania explains: “There are only three of us who use this bathroom, so obviously one of the other two people had a problem with me not adequately spraying the sickly-sweet ‘odor masker’ that doesn’t do anything other than mix with the ambient scent in the restroom to make it smell even worse than it might otherwise.”

IF YOU SHIT!! THEN YOU SPRAY!!

Adds our submitter: “Oh, also, this sign went up when I had only four days left working here. I have a pretty good idea how i’ll be ‘celebrating’ my last day.”

related: this!! is how!! you know!! we mean it!!

FILED UNDER: bathroom · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office · Pennsylvania · shit · Texas


168 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Rowdy bang

    I always spray when I shit.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 9:50 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Lauren

      Do you happen to be the Mad Bomber?

      Jul 15, 2009 at 9:57 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   QuarterRoy00 bang

      I only spray after eating Mexican

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:03 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   amy d bang

      You need more fiber in your diet, Rowdy. Your screen name is very apt for your comment :D

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   T imo® bang

      That is top shelf sprayin’!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Oderus

      When you say that you always spray when you shit, are you referring to spraying shit or spraying air freshener? Personally, I prefer the former over the latter.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 12:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   fluffy8u

      Hey Rowdy, ya want an applause for spraying?

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Canthz_B bang

      Hey Rowdy, when I eat Mexican, she does the spraying! :-P

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   fluffy8u

      Who? Your mom? That’s gross, man.

      Jul 16, 2009 at 4:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   Canthz_B bang

      You can’t mean me. Either that, or you don’t know my background very well. :lol:
      No Mexican branches in this African-American family tree.

      Now your mom, on the other hand, sprays well on occasion!

      Tell her I’m still free next Monday, will ya? She’s due for a “tune-up”. ;-)

      Jul 16, 2009 at 4:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   Car RamRod bang

      This note makes me want to stop by the zoo, feed an elephant some curry, and bag up the results, then go to this place of business and jam it into one of these trash receptacles just to ruin that woman’s world.

      Jul 20, 2009 at 3:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   j

    I hate the smell of flowery poo. Even worse is melon poo. Just saying.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 9:50 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Girl Friday

      I loved it when they came out with the “Linen Fresh” scented spray -

      then it smells like someone shit in the sheets.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:54 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Erika

      My apartment manager is in love with Glade plug-ins. Once a lavender plug-in was polluting the building at the same time there was some sort of sewage problem on the first floor. Now, whenever I smell lavender, I associate it with the smell of shit.

      I used to really love lavender, God dammit.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:06 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Delurker

    I cannot stand the smell of flowery shit. Maybe I need to write my own PA note–”If shit and ‘Tropical Breeze’ was a good combination, you’d be wearing it as a perfume. . .oh, wait, you are.”

    Jul 15, 2009 at 9:54 am   rating: 41  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Party in my Pants

    Light a match! I keep some in my purse. You never know. I don’t like to spray scented stuff then it smells like you ate a bouquet of flowers!!

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:03 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   bean

      matches work so much better! I keep them in my desk because there’s always someone pooping …right before my lunch too.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Clumber

      Added bonus : Fire Alarm Evacuation! HooRAH!

      *Disclaimer, Clumber will not be at fault if it is not sunny and ger-gis! outside where you are. Glares from workaholic cow-orkers are at your own risk. Offer not available in Michigan. Misheegan, yeah ok. Your mileage may vary.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Snippy

      Aren’t they already having enough trouble related to evacuation?

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   KatieMB

      “Evacuation complete.”

      Jul 15, 2009 at 2:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Snippy

      No shit?

      Jul 15, 2009 at 2:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   KatieMB

      Sherlock!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 4:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   Snippy

      Alimentary, my dear… What’s on?”

      Jul 15, 2009 at 5:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Ah. the game is afoot…sorry that is just dog poo.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 6:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.9   Erika

      I always keep a candle on top of the tank at home. Works like a charm.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   QuarterRoy00 bang

    I’m confused….How much feces should we put in the container??????????????????????????????

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:04 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Flaboy2425

      No wonder I can never find an exclamation point when I need one. Writers of these notes seem to feel the more used the more emphatic the statement. Putting them in the middle of a sentence is totally wrong. Where do these people go to school and how do they hold down a job, especially if it has anything to do with written communication?

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:20 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   stickman

    Try to pair the scent with the food, much like wine pairing…
    Ocean Breeze, if you ate Mexican food.
    Baby Powder, if you ate Italian.
    Oriential Flowers, if you ate Chinese.
    Pine Tree, if you ate chili.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:08 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   fluffy8u

      It must have taken a long time of pooping and spraying to figure that out.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Canthz_B bang

      Isn’t Chili Mexican?

      I honestly don’t feel like googling it.

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   YasminLMT

    I’m pretty sure if I found a turd nestled in the trashcan, my rage could not be contained in red fonts and exclamation points. I might actually have to burn the office down… not passive-aggressive enough, I guess.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:14 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   bean

      I think it goes back to those cultural differences. It probably wasn’t a loaf, just the remnants from a cleaning.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   T imo® bang

      Oh god don’t start the “in some countries the plumbing is not strong enough to take Toilet paper so they put it in the trash” discussion again.
      Uh wait I just… oh shit!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:09 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   GK bang

      If you flush your toilet paper, that makes you a Western imperialist!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:20 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Or someone who doesn’t own a septic tank and well water.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 4:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   fluffy8u

      Toilet paper is wasteful anyways. I prefer to use the three seashells.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:55 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   bean

    But guessing what you ate is my favorite game from Biodome!

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   QuarterRoy00 bang

    I suppose I better keep some scented spray by my bed for the occasional Boston Steeple Chase…

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Quite Contrary

    These take micromanagement to a completely unacceptable level.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:21 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Joe bang

    Pam B.? HR?

    I thought Pam got promoted to sales?

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:21 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Shawn

      Guess Casey in Human Resources couldn’t hack it anymore.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:42 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   RunBarbara bang

      im high level HR, i don’t deal with poop. that’s for my interns to handle.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 12:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   vivitop

      Are the interns also in charge of handling the “big job”? The ones that the old plumbing can’t handle?

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   fluffy8u

      Are you kidding?! It’s probably the interns who made brownies in the bin!

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   bibberly

    Regarding the first one: what are you supposed to do with dirty diapers, then? Full of feces, but should definitely go in the trash can. Where I used to work, someone flushed a used diaper down the toilet, and it was a mess of epic proportions (not to mention the smell, since we were on the second floor with no windows). After that, we had a sign instructing visitors in no uncertain terms to put all diapers in the trash – kind of the opposite of this sign.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:22 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   mew

      How about putting your used diaper in a plastic bag and disposing of it at home? So no one else has to deal with your little one’s waste? It may be a bit of a pain, but you signed on for it, not the rest of the office…

      Jul 15, 2009 at 12:54 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      This is an office, right. So the diapers in question are not the small, baby variety. These would be the larger and subsequently more odiferous adult kind.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 4:47 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Canthz_B bang

      It all Depends®

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:11 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   HorribleLicensePlates

    You know if I could be guaranteed that many exclamation points on a memo I might shit in a trashcan or two. Ha!

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   amy d bang

    But, putting poo in the trashcan eliminates the fecal mist spray!

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:30 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Mark bang

      I bet the airborne bacteria still get on your toothbrush, though. Fecal mist or not.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   fluffy8u

      Not really airborne, it was more like direct contact. Using Pam’s toothbrush really helped when I was cleaning under the rim of the toilet. Thanks Pam!

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Jeff

    The first one isn’t passive-aggressive at all.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   farcical aquatic ceremony involving 'taking care of' Caroline...

      I agree. This would be a good entry on an excessive/incorrect/spazzy punctuation website, however.

      Also, what kind of questions might someone ask Pam about trashcan poop? What color was it? Do you have any suspects? …?

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Meh bang

      We have bits of a credit card……

      Inconclusive.

      Looks like there’s some wolf hair….

      Inconclusive.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:03 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Rowdy bang

    What happens if I shit directly in the bathroom trash can? Would I have to spray then?

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:31 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   amy d bang

    *sniffs*

    I don’t remember eating that.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Mark bang

      There’s always corn in there.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:41 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   oi!

      I know.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   oi!

    The second one sounds like self righteous idiot, I mean who even tries to defense that odor?
    And he knows that the note is addressed to him. That says something.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Priss

    If they really wanted to kill the odor of someone else’s crap, they’d get some Poopourri. Otherwise, it’s sticking a bouquet in the manure pile. Shit with floral overtones is still shit.

    May your last day be a triumph.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:36 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Woman on the Verge bang

    So who the hell is shitting in the trashcan? That’s the really passive aggressive note… no words necessary!

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:37 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   amy d bang

      Maybe someone who has to go so bad that they can’t make it to the toilet? Perhaps someone on the verge of a pooptastrophe?

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:50 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   anglophile bang

    One word: Oust™.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   amy d bang

      Oust, damned stink! Oust, I say!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:02 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Canthz_B bang

      amy_d goes Shakespeare on PAN!!!

      Inspiring shit! :-)

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   John

    If the bacteria are in the feces, then they’re not airborne, are they? Unless the feces is airborne as well.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:45 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Mark bang

      “Let’s crap in our hands and throw it at ‘em! Ya know, no matter how much you’re evolved, it’s still damn funny.”

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:48 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Party in my Pants

      That would definitely be airborne!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   secondsout bang

      Holy shit, Mark, did you just quote MST3K? The shitty Japanese remake of Planet of the Apes? You, sir, get a thumb up for that.

      The shitty Japanese remake is not to be mistaken with the musical revival, which was called “Stop the Planet of the Apes; I want to get off.”

      Jul 15, 2009 at 12:27 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   Mark bang

      Yes. Yes, I did. Thanks for the thumbies!

      ♫ I hate every ape I see, from Chimpan A to Chimpan Z, oh you’ll never make a monkey out of me! ♪

      “get off”

      Jul 15, 2009 at 12:47 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   Phalange

      Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius…Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius…Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius, oh oh, Dr. Zaius.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:11 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   agatha christie

      Oh my God, I was wrong. It was Earth, all along.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.7   lauren

      I was thinking that… Feces contains it’s own bacteria, or food bacteria, or gut bacteria… however which way you look at it, it’s not airborne…

      Jul 15, 2009 at 2:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.8   Canthz_B bang

      Anaerobic bacteria don’t generally float around the room, no.
      But if Pam’s the curious type and stuck a finger in to check the temperature, the better to gauge how long it was there and who may have been away from her desk at the time of deposit, she’d better scrub up pretty well afterwards.

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Devika

    My favorite singer Jo Carol Pierce is from Lubbock, TX! Go Stephanie! Also, Neutra-Air works wonders when it comes to that lingering poop stench.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 10:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   GK bang

      So, you’re suggesting that Jo might be behind the poop-in-the-bin escapade, or…?

      Having just searched out a picture, I think it wouldn’t surprise me. Those beady little eyes of hers; obviously up to no good. That’s the face of a mad bomber, if you ask me.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 11:05 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   RoxyBlue

    Why? Why the trashcan? And why infront of my car in the parking lot when there are public toilets in the mall? (Complete with used toilet paper.) Who walks around with a roll of toilet paper? Weird.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 11:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   zombieBlanco bang

      Who walks around with a roll of toilet paper?

            a) anyone who’s ever had a child

            b) anyone who’s ever lived outside of a city

            3) teenagers

      Jul 15, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   GK bang

      4) anyone who’s just been to the mall to purchase a roll of toilet paper

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:18 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   claw71 bang

      V) people with irriatable bowel symdrome, Crohn’s disease, or colostomies.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 3:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   Local Honey

      homeless people

      Jul 15, 2009 at 4:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   Canthz_B bang

      7) Door-to-door toilet paper salesmen.

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.6   fluffy8u

      VIII) Little old ladies
      IX) Campers

      Jul 16, 2009 at 1:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.7   monstrosity

      Anyone who’s ever needed to suddenly take a shit in a trash can.

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.8   Michelle S.

      or on the pavement in front of someone’s car

      Jul 16, 2009 at 9:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.9   Boniva

      Anyone who eats toilet paper. Tyra did a show on that…

      Jul 16, 2009 at 11:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.10   Canthz_B bang

      Anyone as full of shit as Tyra…or Rikki, or Maury…

      Jul 18, 2009 at 4:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   T imo® bang

    Flowery poo is no ones friend. A poo by any other name is still a poo and still smells as rank.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 11:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Saysh bang

      Annnnnnd….

      Timo goes Shakespeare on the main!!

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   oi!

    “…odor masker’ that doesn’t do anything other than mix with the ambient scent in the restroom to make it smell even worse than it might otherwise.”
    Does the second submitter realizes that he just admitted:
    a) He is the guilty of said odor and
    b) He does not take care of the odor either.

    This kind of people need to clear out the gene pool.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   GK bang

      I’m no doctor — damn you, Hippocrates — but I suspect there isn’t a specific gene for poop smell intensity.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 12:02 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   oi!

      sorry if I hit the raw nerve GK. :P
      What I meant was: he easily could have said that he found the note and shut up he did not need to admit that he was the culprit- hence stupid- needs to clear out the gene pool.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 12:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   T imo® bang

      Damn it Jim I am an ME not a Proctologist!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   GK bang

      People who think that stupidity can be removed from the gene pool need to get out of the gene pool!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   Snippy

      And don’t leave any stool in the pool.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:39 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   QuarterRoy00 bang

      Welcome to my “l”….

      Notice there is no “poo” in it….

      Lets keep it that way…

      Jul 15, 2009 at 2:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.7   T imo® bang

      Mmmmm BabyRuth!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 3:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.8   Canthz_B bang

      We may not be able to get stupid out of the gene pool, but thinning the herd a bit couldn’t hurt.

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:30 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   blue-eyes

    How does Pam know people are leaving shit in the trashcans? Is she digging through them looking for something and just happens to stumble upon some shit? On a regular basis? Maybe Pam needs to keep her face out of trashcans.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 11:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   NewMoon

    At my office, there was a sign in the bathroom that said: “Please be sure toilet flushes COMPLETELY!”
    I think there are some people who simply have a big interest in other people’s shit, and sometimes in controlling what they do with their shit. Shit happens and it stinks, move on, get a life.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 12:15 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Canthz_B bang

      I dunno. If you’ve ever walked in on someone else’s floater, you might feel differently.

      Team flush your droppings until the bowl is like you found it, nothing inside but water.

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   GK bang

      There is the problem of “submarines”, though. The ones that appear to have flushed away during the post-flush inspection step, but given a few seconds will silently sneak back from their lurking position at the base of the U-bend and resurface, bobbing threateningly.

      Jul 17, 2009 at 6:01 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   T imo® bang

    Has no one posted the Bristol stool scale yet?

    Jul 15, 2009 at 12:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Mark bang

      Now someone has.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 12:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   zombieBlanco bang

      Those canny Brits with their exact dimensions for the proper pub chair!

      …oh wait

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   aaa

      I posted the last one. It would’ve been improper of me to do it this go round. :O

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   Snippy

      Stool pigeon!

      ["Hot-cha-cha-cha!"]

      Jul 15, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   Canthz_B bang

      Now leave Sarah Palin’s kids out of this!

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Michael Jackson's Brain

    I have one question for Pam B. at ext 30 and it is this……..

    Who cut your hair?

    Jul 15, 2009 at 12:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Meh bang

    I didn’t know the Federal Environmental Conservation Enforcement System contained airborne bacteria. Kinda counterintuitive. Huh, learn something new everyday.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 1:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   aaa

    What? Nobody’s used the ever-clichéd “That’s what she said!” in response to the second note yet?

    Jul 15, 2009 at 1:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Pants Go Brown

    This is my favourite part ……..’Feces is an airborne bacteria. And is a definite infection control hazard.’

    Like just saying don’t put shit in the garbage can wouldn’t suffice.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 1:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Canthz_B bang

      It wouldn’t suffice.

      Pam has made this into a potential OSHA violation.
      The company could pay a substantial fine, and they could all lose their jobs if something isn’t done…stat!

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   vivitop

    Submitter: “oh, also, this sign went up when I had only four days left working here. i have a pretty good idea how i’ll be ‘celebrating’ my last day.”

    If it was my last day, I would take a massive dump and I would “forget” to flush… Maybe I would forget to wash my hands too.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 1:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Oh Really

      Just to cover your bases, you might want to toss your used toilet paper in the garbage can too. Go big or go home. Oh, wait, in this case, it would be go big AND go home.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 3:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Snippy

    re: Note #1 – Great, now they’ll go back to leaving it in the shower again.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   claw71 bang

    Why am I less concerned about the feces in the trashcan than I am by the fact that HR seemed to notice? What the fuck, Pam? Seriously!

    Jul 15, 2009 at 1:42 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   KatieMB

      They’ve recently extended Pam’s duties to include trash removal. Damn this economy!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 3:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #36.2   Canthz_B bang

      She’s really attached to Building Services, but considers herself a valuable human resource.

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #37   aaa

    Oh goody! I have another chance to spread the joy of the Battle Asses! X3

    (I’ll give you $5 if you don’t make the pun.)

    Jul 15, 2009 at 1:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   crackjob

    “Flowery poo” smell is offensive. What we need is an air freshener that smells like poo.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 2:09 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   claw71 bang

      Or a match.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 3:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #39   T imo® bang

    I wasn’t shitting in the sink! I thought it was a very high bidet.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 2:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   GK bang

      You don’t poop in those, either!

      Jul 17, 2009 at 5:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   Mike M.

    I once had a shit eating dog……he had to go!

    Jul 15, 2009 at 3:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   Snippy

      Now dump the shit eating grin.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 5:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #40.2   KatieMB

      In the garbage can or the toilet?

      Jul 15, 2009 at 9:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #41   claw71 bang

    For some reason restroom notes always make me want to do the opposite of what they demand. In the first scenrio I would probably walk right into Pam’s office and crap on her desk calendar. Then I’d tack to the turd a published paper refuting her claim that feces contains airborne bacteria. It most assuredly does not. If that was the case farts would be harmful and every one of my coworkers, friends and family would have e-coli poisoning. Pam is a germ-o-phobe who is making up facts to support her irriational fears. Somebody needs to make her perform a rusty trombone to help her get over it. Trust me Pam, it’s for your own good.

    As far as I’m concerned, referring to note two, public restrooms are supposed to stink every once in a while. That’s how it is. If you walk in after somebody bombed Hiroshima you can either grin and bear it or go out and give them a high five. Leave a note like that around me and I’ll do all of my business with the door open. Then I’ll sit there and intermittently spray the air freshener–not to mask the smell, but to take advantage of the propellant and be certain that the aroma of my personal accomplishment reaches every corner of the office. Garlicky greens, bitches. Want to leave another note?

    Jul 15, 2009 at 3:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #41.1   RunBarbara bang

      ….and you have the audacity to wonder why you aren’t welcome at my place for chili night anymore….

      Jul 15, 2009 at 3:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #41.2   T imo® bang

      I loved the cheap beer drinking and broccoli eating contest night!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 3:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #42   ss99352

    It came from HR because in our litigious society no one else wants to get involved and “all directives must come with the Good HR stamp of approval.”

    At our last contractor position, HR apparently had to issue memos asking people to please stop urinating into the drain holes in the bathroom floor–because some of them were actually doing just that. One employee was fired for defecating into a shaft of the facility that was under construction–much to the dismay of the poor guy who was in there cleaning up prior to the concrete needing to be poured the next day.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 3:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   claw71 bang

      Don’t blame a litigious society. I’m tired of hearing that crap. Companies write their own policies and all the menial crap gets delegated to HR. Then you have organizations like SHRM who charge huge membership fees and conspire to make HR more complicated than it is but that’s got everything to do with corporate structure and not tort reform.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 3:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   RunBarbara bang

      it’s so true.

      HR does not CREATE policies, HR interprets them and tries to find a way to take the directives of the powers that be and align in with state and federal requirements.

      trust me.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 4:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.3   oi!

      ………. be and align in with state and federal requirements.
      that can’t be true! State and federal requirements always contradict each other.
      Ask any contractor.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 4:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   Pants Go Brown

    Attention HR, your dead at recess………

    Jul 15, 2009 at 4:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   Snippy

      Are you asking her to bring out her dead at recess?

      Jul 15, 2009 at 5:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.2   MAMARILLA2 bang

      But I’m not dead yet.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 6:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.3   RunBarbara bang

      i feel fine!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 8:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.4   Sarah McDee

      I think I’ll go for a walk.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 10:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.5   Saysh bang

      I feel..happpeeeeeee

      Jul 16, 2009 at 12:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.6   Canthz_B bang

      You should kill her during Assembly.
      That way the whole school can watch.

      Jul 16, 2009 at 1:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   globalnole

    Americans should just be grateful that they do not use the traditional “german toilet”

    http://asecular.com/~scott/misc/toilet.htm

    Jul 15, 2009 at 4:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   claw71 bang

      As you look around the world there are a number of differences with toilets. This is nothing new. I do take issue with the author of the article to which this link directed me: splashing is a relative common occurrence with the standard North American toilet. It’s not a myth and it does not require an excessively large turd evacuated at high speeds. Much to the contrary.

      The splash, or as I like to call it: the sploosh, is the result of small, hard turds that drop from the anus on their own.

      Some turds float, some sink. The reasons for this are a mystery yet be be explained by science.

      Most sinking turds go down like the titanic, gradually taking on water and bobbing at the surface until they are fully saturated. Most of the denser turds are rather long and often break the surface of the water before they’ve been completely evacuated by the sphincter. These turds have resulted in rectal electrocution on newer toilets with electronic control valves. If you have one, check the wiring regularly.

      These big turds ease into the water like Navy seals, never making a splash. It’s poetry in motion.

      Most of the smaller dense turds are streamlined and, while they will make a nice plunking sound, like an Olympic diver they disturb a tiny amount of water creating a very minor splash.

      It’s those painful turds that feel like boulders but look like lima beans that cause the sploosh. They don’t cut the surface tension of the water, but shatter it like a fat man doing a cannonball. As the water closes back in on itself in an attempt to regain its surface tension, a spire or column of water rises up and launches a single drop upward. Upward into your gaping anus.

      The sensation is awful. It’s like being sodomized by an ice cube. An ice cube of toilet water. Water that you probably peed in and, more importantly, probably has residual material from other people’s activities suspended in it.

      I’m glad the writer of this article has never experienced this sensation. What a charmed life he must lead, but I’d happily poop on a platform and spend the rest of my days peeing from the seated position if I could erase my experiences with the dreaded sploosh.

      Especially that time it happened in a port-a-john at the Spice Girls concert.

      Jul 15, 2009 at 6:11 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.2   Canthz_B bang

      I’m so very glad that you dwell on these things so I don’t have to, claw.
      You’re the best kind of friend a man could have! :-)

      Jul 16, 2009 at 1:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #45   TP

    Do you work overnights? ‘Cause if so, you could be the Midnight Bomber, what bombs at midnight – YEAH baby, YEAH!

    Jul 15, 2009 at 6:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   Mark bang

      SPOOOOOON!!!!

      Jul 15, 2009 at 6:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #46   Angela

    ewwwww!

    Jul 15, 2009 at 6:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Neeners

    Both poo offenders probably have voluntary encopresis. I say they both should really smear up the place and go out in style, especially Pennsylvania. Write their names on a wall or a favorite poem before saying hasta la vista to that stupid job. Let everyone know how you really feel. No one needs a reference that bad.

    People who think their shit don’t stink are usually the ones complaining about other people’s shit stinking! It’s a bathroom people, an indoor room where people crap. Therefore sometimes it is normal for it to smell like shit not flowers.

    Jul 15, 2009 at 7:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   Jsmoke

    “Shitter was full”

    Jul 15, 2009 at 9:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #49   Beatrix Kiddo

    I just want to know what possible questions anyone could have regarding the no-feces directive. “Hi, Pam. Marge in Sales here — just wondering about the no-feces rule. Are we talking human or animal waste? Just wondering, kthxbai!”

    Jul 15, 2009 at 11:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Rambling Daisy

    The only thing the aromatic spray does is make it smell like someone “shit a rose garden.”

    Jul 16, 2009 at 12:00 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   Mushroom

      Yeah, I was going to comment about the old joke about the Avon lady who farted in a tall building’s elevator and so pulled out a can of spray she had in her bag… drunk guy gets on, after a few floors is sniffing around, and he comments, “smells like someone shit in a Christmas tree in here.”

      Jul 16, 2009 at 1:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #51   Canthz_B bang

    This reminds me of childhood.
    A Pooh Bear.
    (If a Pooh Bear poohs in the Hundred Acre Wood and there’s no one there to smell it, does it still smell like shit?)

    A skunk named Flower in Bambi.

    I miss my diaper.
    *pout*

    Jul 16, 2009 at 12:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   Canthz_B bang

    *

    Jul 16, 2009 at 1:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #53   eeyore19 bang

    There was a note almost identical to this at a place I used to work at. The cleaning girl freaked out and posted a note in the bathroom complaining about people throwing their used toilet paper on the floor.

    Jul 16, 2009 at 7:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #54   Party in my Pants

    Note to Self: Call Pam in HR (x30) and ask her for her job description. My copy does not include “bathroom monitor.”

    Jul 16, 2009 at 8:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #55   Ghostbuck

    As my friend said upon exiting the bathroom and liberally spraying the floral air freshner: “I still wouldn’t go in there. Now it just smell like somebody took a dump in the flower garden.”

    Jul 16, 2009 at 9:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #56   Winona

    My boss at a former workplace hung the following sign in the very centrally-located restrooms:
    “If a stinky is what you plan on, for God’s sake, leave the fan on!”

    Jul 16, 2009 at 11:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #57   Bella

    hilarious and the comment section is too!!

    Jul 16, 2009 at 5:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #58   Poop

    About putting toilet paper down the toilet, it’s a cultural thing. There are places in the world where the people care very much about their hygiene, and they use trash bins for used toilet paper. The toilet is the receptacle for body waste, but not for paper.

    Jul 19, 2009 at 1:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #59   Medic!

    My partner and I have the task of cleaning the restrooms at the fire station we work at, and it can get pretty bad in there. There’s no air freshener anywhere in sight!

    Jul 22, 2009 at 12:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #60   Felicity

    I’ll bet the person who wrote the first sign actually did find poo in the garbage can. I can imagine how angry I’d be if I were the custodian.

    I can also imagine how the poo got there. Someone really, really had to poo, and all the stalls were full, and they said to themselves, “I’m going to detonate *right now*. I can either poo in my clothes, poo on the floor, poo in the sink, or…hey, a trash can. That’s the least disgusting option.”

    Jul 27, 2009 at 6:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #61   Andrew

    I refuse to acknowledge any signs that completely ignore the rules of punctuation.

    Aug 4, 2009 at 2:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #62   natchie

    If the the bacteria is airborne, then how can it be contained in the feces?
    I’m so confused.

    Aug 8, 2009 at 2:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #62.1   irving washington

      Flying poop. It’s like commercial aviation. Nobody really knows how it gets off the ground and into the air.

      Richard Branson is bringing out VirginPoop next Tuesday, and it’s rumored his poop will contain 30% more flagella space.

      Aug 8, 2009 at 2:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #63   Samanta

    Actually, we were driving through Louisiana, and, as my mom was leaving a gas station restroom, she saw an elderly Mexican woman hitching up her skirt and hoisting herself on top of the trash can. Needless to say, she did not stick around for the show, but we can’t figure out any other reason WHY someone would do that.

    Aug 26, 2009 at 1:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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