Get your “nozzle” off my “hose”

July 20th, 2009 · 128 comments

“We’ve had trouble with our downstairs neighbors since we moved in,” says Sara in Madison. “Well, really just one of them, a woman in her fifties.” This neighbor’s most recent dose of crazy appeared in the mailbox Sara shares with her roommate (“Little Buddy,” in crazy lady-speak).

We'd be glad to stop if we knew what the hell you were talking about.

I kinda prefer this note without any explanation whatsoever, but if you’re still craving more, Sara explains…sort of. “I had, in fact, bought and put a nozzle on the outside hose so I could spray down an animal cage. We do not, needless to say, have parties in the laundry room.  In fact, we’ve never had a party, ever, because we’re too afraid of her.”

related: sheena is a paintballer

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · crazypants · neighbors · noise · old folks · Wisconsin


128 responses so far ↓

  • #1   T imo® bang

    It uses fabric softener or it gets the hose!

    Jul 20, 2009 at 10:00 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   RunBarbara bang

      it puts the nozzle on the hose or else it gets the lawsuit again.

      Jul 20, 2009 at 10:32 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Geek Goddess

      Silly RB, it takes the nozzle OFF the hose, or else it gets the lawsuit again.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 4:47 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Prof

    Gilligan is her roommate???

    Jul 20, 2009 at 10:00 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   T imo® bang

      The professor can make anything out of a coconut!

      Jul 20, 2009 at 10:03 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   fluffy8u

      except a ride off that stupid island.

      Jul 20, 2009 at 11:30 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Two beautiful single women, the rest of the guys are dorky looking, He’s not gonna try that hard to get off the island.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 9:45 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   famine

      Besides, they could have left with the Harlem Globetrotters if they really wanted to.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 3:14 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   fluffy8u

      Not unless he was a masochist.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 11:55 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   anglophile bang

    It always amazes me how differing people’s outlooks can be. If it had been my hose, I’d be thinking, all right, new nozzle!

    Jul 20, 2009 at 10:10 pm   rating: 129  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Kelly

      What you describe is what psychologists like to call the “normal person outlook.” Note that the NPO is distinctly different from the “paranoid schizophrenic outlook,” the “guilt-tripping mother outlook,” the “Sarah Palin is brilliant outlook,” the “crazy old lady downstairs outlook,” to name a few.

      Congratulations, you’re a normal human being.

      Jul 20, 2009 at 10:58 pm   rating: 68  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   anglophile bang

      Wow, Kelly, thanks! That’s the first time anyone’s ever said that to me! :D

      Jul 20, 2009 at 11:05 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Kelly

      No problem, ‘glo. Now if you could just knit me a few cats, we’ll be totally square.

      No comments from the peanut gallery about the dual appropriateness of my word choice.

      Jul 20, 2009 at 11:26 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   farcical aquatic ceremony involving 'taking care of' Caroline...

      yep, ‘glo, I’ll bet Sara was thinking something like: “I’m appreciative of whatever kind impulse led someone in the building to leave a hose hooked up out here. In return, I will leave the nozzle on the hose for others to use!” Silly girl.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 10:27 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Girl Friday

    I’m confused. Maybe bullet points would have helped get the varying messages across.

    Jul 20, 2009 at 10:20 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   anglophile bang

      Also, more highlighting.

      Jul 20, 2009 at 10:21 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Girl Friday

      But there would have to be more underlines first. That’s the important part of the note – I can tell because they’re highlighted.

      Jul 20, 2009 at 10:25 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Rowdy bang

      I’ve never seen a P.A.N. with so much anger, yet so few exclamation marks. Very disappointing.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 5:23 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      And no pink penii.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 9:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   apedant bang

      It’s all in one colour, how am I meant to spot the really important bits?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 4:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Woman on the Verge bang

    Hey, a new nozzle and potty parties? I think I’m jealous…

    Jul 20, 2009 at 10:29 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   elijah

    its not enough to just underline to emphasize a point. highlighting the underline is also needed.

    Jul 20, 2009 at 10:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   RunBarbara bang

    If you imagine that “Little Buddy” is crazy old lady speak for a “vibrator” then this note takes on a whole new twist….

    Jul 20, 2009 at 10:31 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Kelly

      Geez RunBarbara… what else would you call your vibrator?

      (I call one of mine “Peter.” Guess what kind it is?)

      Jul 20, 2009 at 11:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   RunBarbara bang

      i call mine the girthquake.

      Jul 20, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Kelly

      I’m going to quash my desire to say anything about hotdogs and hallways, or javelins and volcanoes, or Q-tips and the Grand Canyon…

      Jul 20, 2009 at 11:24 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   RunBarbara bang

      i guess someone lied to you.

      im as tight as a new glove. just ask your mom.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:19 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   annaliesa bang

      great, now I have to come up with names for my toys… I’m thinking “the happymaker”.

      I’m not a crazy old lady (yet) but I kinda like “my little buddy” for one of mine. It denotes a sort of affectionate appreciation for the tireless efforts that it puts out.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 1:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Canthz_B bang

      I’m OK with Sara calling her appliance a nozzle, but I think I’ll stay away from what she calls an animal cage…especially if she needs to spray it down with a garden hose.
      No wonder the Miracle Gro hose attachment smells like vinegar.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 2:27 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      eeeewwwwww.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 2:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   sir_wolf

    okay, I sugggest that you remove the nozzel and then barring finding a MORE appropriate place to put it , hold a HUGE party in the laundry/bath with it as the centerpiece

    Jul 20, 2009 at 10:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   bonz

      as long as there is a bonfire in a garbage can involved ;]

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   The Grammarphile

    Bitches and hose, bitches and hose… ;)

    Jul 20, 2009 at 10:49 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Tobias

    Apparently these parties make her sick, which tells me she needs to quit sneaking into the laundry to drink.

    Jul 20, 2009 at 11:12 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Comment

    It’s so bitchy you can’t even be mad at her for it. I love it. If Sara was afraid of her before hand I wouldn’t be now. It’s like the day my dad got mad at me and told me if I didn’t do what I was told (at 25) then he’d call the cops and have my car towed due to a week late registration. That’s all you got? Seriously?

    Jul 20, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Meh bang

    Crazy cat lady downstairs, & lack of any buddies whatsoever,

    Get that note of MY door. As if capitalizing, underlining, and highlighting the word my wasn’t enough, I’ll add more redundancies. It’s MY door. The door is MINE. I own MY door.

    NO MORE CAT DRESS UP/SACRIFICE PARTIES in the laundry room during the witching hour/the equinox.

    Sick is what I become from them and they. I promise forced exorcism and ensuing psychotherapy!!!

    Jul 20, 2009 at 11:14 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   fluffy8u

    My sister and I often hold parties in the laundry room. We grab all of our laundry, wash it, throw it carlessly on the table and then the Good Ol’ Fashion Folding Party begins!!! Wooo! For the ocassion, I even break out my folding board! It makes all the shirts folded in the same tight little square! Watch out! This party happens every Saturday afternoon!! WOOO!!

    Jul 20, 2009 at 11:42 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Michelle S.

      Woo I’m having a laundry room party this weekend. You’re all invited. I also invite you to bring an avocado so we can make dip. And if it’s not too far out of your way, pick up some half and half.

      Jul 20, 2009 at 11:53 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Meh bang

      Your pefect little square folded shirts sicken me!! Lawsuits are not threats, they are promises!!

      Jul 20, 2009 at 11:56 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   fluffy8u

      I’m sorry! I just like the smell of clean and neatly folded clothes! Besides, it’s not like I’m addicted, I can stop anytime I want to.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 2:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   N/A

      We’d rather you don’t fluffy…

      Jul 21, 2009 at 7:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   anglophile bang

      fluffy, you don’t need a folding board to nicely fold your t-shirts.

      This nice lady shows you how.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 9:21 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   claw71 bang

      I usually drape my shirts over my rock hard penis and let them air dry.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 9:39 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   GK bang

      Those perfect little square-folded shirts were delicious, if slightly salty.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 1:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   Sabine

      Thanks, 13.5! I’ve been obsessively folding tee shirts with the pinch method taught by the lovely lady in your link for the last tweny minutes. It was almost as helpful as the link to the chart of stool types posted last week.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 8:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.9   fluffy8u

      Wow…. the Japanese are so amazing…. I can’t wait till Saturday! I’ll be the hit of the party!

      Jul 21, 2009 at 8:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.10   GK bang

      This site is so informational! *folds shirt, hesitatingly at first, but becoming surer and more confident as he completes the manoeuvre* I feel smarter already!

      Jul 22, 2009 at 2:13 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Cupcake Murphy

    How have I lived this long without finding this blog? Ok I have to read the whole thing now. Found you from a link to a link and after reading just this first post I am hooked and reminded of a landlord I had in the late 80s who harangued my sister and I for putting 2 strands of spaghetti down the drain saying we caused the pipes to burst. Now I live in fear of pasta.

    Jul 20, 2009 at 11:51 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   fluffy8u

      Actually, you’re not supposed to put pastas/doughs/flour down the pipes. Apparently it turns to a glue-like substance. So says my mom. But she also says that ice cream for breakfast is okay because it contains milk.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 2:56 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Party in my Pants

      @Cupcake How many hours of reading and laughing out loud have you already lost to PAN?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 7:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Mark bang

      fluffy8u,
      “Eggs! Eggs are in chocolate cake. And milk! Oh, goodie! And wheat! That’s nutritious!”

      Jul 21, 2009 at 11:04 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Dad is good, Dad is great. For breakfast we get chocolate cake.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:18 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   mamason bang

      I like lemon harangue pie.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 6:33 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   fluffy8u

      Pie is her favorite because “it’s got fruit.” That means it’s the healthiest.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 9:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   AuntyBron

      Actually, fruit pies were originally eaten for breakfast.

      Yet another kernal of knowledge packed inside my tiny little brain

      Jul 23, 2009 at 1:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   bonz

    Wondering what how the charges for the lawsuit would be outlined? hmmmm….

    Jul 21, 2009 at 12:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   GK bang

      Look, bring your own funny, don’t drop your idea for a joke and hope somebody else fills it in for you!

      Jul 21, 2009 at 3:21 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   bonz

      Hey GK …bite me ;]

      Jul 21, 2009 at 5:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   GK bang

      Sure thing; is the jugular vein OK for you?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 5:38 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   bonz

      …Wow -is that the penalty for posting something not to GK’s liking? ….or is that just what your into?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 9:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   GK bang

      A little from column A, a little from column B!

      Jul 21, 2009 at 9:39 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I don’t care what they say…Vampires do not sparkle.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 9:52 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   GK bang

      And now, for Mamarilla2′s personal amusement, I sparkle with lovely rectitude!

      Jul 21, 2009 at 9:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.8   bonz

      Little of both, eh? Well alright -now I know ….Does this mean I can expect a smart ass comment on all my future posts …at least until my newbie status expires? ;]

      Jul 21, 2009 at 11:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.9   Meh bang

      Yeah! This laundry party is BYOJ.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.10   T imo® bang

      Bring Your Own Jew?

      Buy Yemeni Ox Jowls?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:49 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.11   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Bring your own Joke.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 1:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.12   mamason bang

      hehehehe… GK said rectitude!

      Jul 21, 2009 at 6:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.13   park rose

      I know, it reminds me of that great poem:

      In my crafty and sullen arse.

      Straight down the line.
      Kind of fitting for a laundry/bath party, don’t you think?
      I think rectors attend parties like that regularly.

      Then it would be with my crafty and your sullied arse…probably… but what do I know?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 6:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   annaliesa

    If it were me I would buy my own hose to use with my own nozzle and take hers off when she ‘forgets’ it on the common-use not hers water spout and roll it up neatly on her doorstep with a note that says; “you left YOUR hose on the spout that is NOT YOURS. Please remember to clean up after yourself so others can use the spout as well.”

    being anal retentive and sardonic has worked out quite nicely for me in my life so far. :P

    Jul 21, 2009 at 12:25 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   annaliesa

      I also think it is funny how neighbors can be passive aggresive when people like me are stupid/brazen enough to knock on their door and call them on their shit just because its fun.

      I had a crotchety old lady living below me who complained about everything. One time I was moving around the kitchen table and chairs to mop my kitchen floor (at 3 in the afternoon on a saturday mind you) and she came up to my door and told me “you know youre not being cute.”
      I pressed for more explanation and she said: “moving all your furniture around, youre not being cute. Its knocking antiques off my shelves.”
      I looked her straight in the face and said “my fiance just left me so I have to clean this apartment all by myself. If you want to help me I’d love it, otherwise I have to do what I have to do.”
      When I saw her coming home from work later that week I thought I’d make peace by offering her some artsy advice:
      “you might want to get some muesum tack for your antiques, its archival so it wont damage your things but holds them in place really well.”

      She never bothered me again. :)

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:36 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Lindarama

    Michelle, will you be stealing the avocado from one of your co-workers?

    Jul 21, 2009 at 12:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   AnonEMouse

      Lindarama,

      Will you be replying to the thread that Michelle is in?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 10:07 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Michelle S.

      Dear Lindarama,

      In the future, I would very much appreciate it if responses are posted in the correct thread. I work long hours, have a 50 minute commute (one way) which means I don’t really have time to go looking for comments that may or may not be addressed to me. As you can see, stray comments also tend to attract unwanted vermin (AnonEMice, etc), and that forces me to take precious time away from my family in order to address the issue. Please be more considerate of others. Have a nice day! :)

      Sincerely,

      Michelle

      Jul 21, 2009 at 10:04 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   I promise a lolsuit!

    Oh man. Look, she even busted out a semicolon. I’m just straight amazed. The no more parties bit reminds me of “no more little monkeys jumping on the bed.” Someone should theme this into a children’s book.

    Three little buddies nozzling the hose
    one fell off and oh gosh I can’t stop laughing at the “sarah and little buddy” part.

    Thx Sandra

    Jul 21, 2009 at 1:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   AuntyBron

      Three little buddies nozzling the hose
      One fell off and broke his nose.
      They held a party in the laundry or bath
      (I can’t tell which)
      Mind your own damn business you stupid old bitch.

      Jul 23, 2009 at 1:15 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Geek Goddess

    She is obviously in the habit of drinking out of the hose, but being elderly and having poor sight, didn’t notice the nozzle until she was in mid drink, being blasted into the next yard by the water pressure. Her arthritis prevented her from removing the nozzle, or even adjusting the spray. When she went to take her soaked clothes into the laundry room, she discovered a pair of panties forgotten in the corner. The only possible explanation for this was a drunken party the night before, with women removing their undergarments and forgetting where they had left them. The only people who would have behaved in such a licentious manner were the new people upstairs (the hussy!), partying hard.

    The little incident with the hose caused her to inhale some water as well as saturating her clothes in icy water, and with her emphysema, caused by years of cigarette smoking, she is at great risk of pneumonia. Her job as a waitress doesn’t provide her with medical coverage, and the tips aren’t enough for a decent financial cushion, so if she is off work (rather than coughing and spitting into the customers’ food) the only way she can survive is to sue.

    (no avocados were harmed in the writing of this explanation, although a few lapin cherries were eaten)

    Jul 21, 2009 at 1:23 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   annaliesa bang

      awesome! I love it!

      Jul 21, 2009 at 1:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   fluffy8u bang

      Why is it that there is always a pair of forgotten underwear in the laundry room? Is this the work of some phantom panty-leaver?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 3:03 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   GK bang

      Also she suspects there might have been some fecal mist in the water. Probably the work of Her Upstairs and her little buddy — again!

      Jul 21, 2009 at 3:24 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Beanster

      the forgotten underwear phenomenon was also prevalent in my dorm in highschool. however, since it was full of sixteen year old prudes, no one would claim it if it wasn’t white cotton, so we had a collection of lacy unmentionables tacked up on the bulletin board.

      looking back, this practice seems less prudish than exhibitionist.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 10:46 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   apedant bang

      Your school was clearly very like mine, Bean. After a pair of girl’s panties found in the bathroom of our (boy’s) boarding house sparked a massive panic among the staff of the girls boarding house next door, we all started buying girls pants and leaving them badly hidden all over the place. The girls beat us though with their “fake used condom in every bin” Monday morning, they even somehow got the bin in their housemistress’ kitchen.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 5:24 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    Laundry room/bath?

    I sure hope that washer is a top-loader!

    Jul 21, 2009 at 2:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   notolaf

    Old Lady Downstairs (and imaginary “husband”),
    GET YOUR HOSE OFF THE PUBLIC FAUCET! And stop cooking sauerkraut and fish! If I get sick from this, I promise a lawsuit.

    Jul 21, 2009 at 2:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Julia

    What’s up with the semicolon? This is probably the first PAN I’ve seen that’s used one. It seems to be used correctly, but I feel as though it should be a comma and that the word “if” should precede the first sentence.

    How does she get sick from these imaginary laundry parties anyway? Is she allergic to fabric softener?

    Notes like these are why I hate people in general. All of them are psychotic.

    Jul 21, 2009 at 4:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   mamason bang

      I’m not psychotic. :-|

      Stop staring at me! 8-O

      Jul 21, 2009 at 6:41 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   AuntyBron

      What? I’m not TOUCHING you.

      Jul 23, 2009 at 1:17 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Girls, don’t make me pull this thread over and come back there.

      Jul 25, 2009 at 12:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Julia

    The underlining of MY reminds me of the bike pump saga. MY BIKE PUMP, NOT YOURS. MY HOSE, NOT YOURS. MINE.

    NO SERIOUSLY, MINE.

    You getting this? MINE, I TELL YOU.

    Jul 21, 2009 at 4:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Party in my Pants

    I love laundry room / bath parties! Please invite me!

    Jul 21, 2009 at 7:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   thrall38 bang

    Our dorm had a party in the laundry room/basement – a bigger space than you might think. It was called VBTB (vaseline, black lights, twinkies & beer). Only have it every third year because it takes that long to clean up despite its being in the laundry room… Maybe the lady is channeling that kind of fun!

    Jul 21, 2009 at 8:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Beanster

      my dorm in high school also had parties in the bathroom. not the room with the toilets and sinks – no, it was just a room with a bath. i would never have guessed how many people fit into a bathtub. we made sailor hats.

      this is a true story.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 10:49 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   T imo® bang

      I don’t believe you. Please send pictures Beanster. :razz:

      Jul 21, 2009 at 11:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Didn’t you get enough pictures through the hole you drilled in the wall.?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:15 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   T imo® bang

      No because you won’t move outta the way!

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Where did you put the telephoto lens?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.6   T imo® bang

      That’s not the telephoto lens your grabbing! :shock:

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      :oops:

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   claw71 bang

    What’s a cranky neighbor lady supposed to think when the nozzle on the end of her hose is a purple 14 inch silicone dildo and the laundry room smells like Snuggle, sex and pierogi?

    Jul 21, 2009 at 9:37 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Kellye

    Um, water bottle hose prank say what?

    If it were me, I would just start inserting randomness into the hose. Carrots. Vibrators. Anal beads. etc…the possibilities are endless!

    And in somewhat-related news, that semicolon is epic. So saith the English major.

    Jul 21, 2009 at 10:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   GK bang

      Those would be “random items”, not “randomness”, which is abstract and can’t be inserted anywhere. Not that the rest of your sentences were exactly stellar, either. An English major, you say?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 10:47 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   Beanster

      english majors spell kelly like “Kelly”. oh wait, that’s just english speakers.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 10:50 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   GK bang

      Ooo, check out her website! 1984 quotes and “sheeple” abound! I never knew swine flu was a genetically-engineered bioweapon gone wrong… the things you learn!

      Jul 21, 2009 at 11:02 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   Kellye

      Hey, don’t judge me just because my parents were hippies. I’m damned lucky not to be Moonbeam or Rainstorm. My name is really spelled that way…

      GK – Only English majors are allowed to break grammatical rules. We’re just the shiznit like that.

      (Seriously though, don’t take the shot!)

      Jul 21, 2009 at 11:30 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.5   Beanster bang

      I think she should all begin arbitrarily assigning nicknames. You can be Blanket and I will be Moon Unit.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 11:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.6   T imo® bang

      Can I be Prince Paris Detroit?

      Jul 21, 2009 at 11:49 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.7   Beanster bang

      what else would you be? of course you can!

      Jul 21, 2009 at 11:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.8   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Kellye, it could have been really cool, like Lemonjello. (say it fast and all together now.)

      Jul 21, 2009 at 12:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.9   T imo® bang

      Limoncello!
      Drink!

      Jul 21, 2009 at 2:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.10   Kellye

      Could be worse. I could be named Jaegermeister.

      Or Bambi.

      (Sorry, Bambis of the world. Not my fault your mother wanted you to take your clothes off for a living…)

      Jul 21, 2009 at 2:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.11   T imo® bang

      Or named Smuckers! With a name like that you have better be good.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 3:28 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.12   Canthz_B bang

      I thought about naming my daughter Sara Lee…’cause nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee.
      Some people have a problem with her nozzle though.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 9:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   NoExit

    The Noozle! On the Hoose!
    10 Internet Points if you can identify…

    Jul 21, 2009 at 1:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Mark bang

      Um, Groundskeeper Willie, duh!

      Also:
      You get to drink from the FIRE HOSE!!!! *yaaaaaaay!!!*

      Jul 21, 2009 at 1:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   gamergf

      You win, NoExit. Took at least 28 comments to finally get what I was thinking as soon as I read the subject line.

      “The noodles? What noodles?” “The noozle on tha end o’ tha hoose!”

      Jul 21, 2009 at 2:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.3   NoExit

      What’s ironic is my last name is “McClure” and it’s so rare that a person says, “Oh, like Troy McClure! I know you from such films as…” I guess I just assume that the entire universe watches The Simpsons.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 3:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.4   Canthz_B bang

      It doesn’t.

      Jul 21, 2009 at 9:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Craniac

    Notice the old lady put her note in the victim’s mailbox. In the U.S., at least, that’s a federal offense. So call the postal inspectors, have her taken away. If she likes lawsuits, let her try to defend herself against a criminal charge.

    Jul 21, 2009 at 4:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   GK bang

      …It’s a crime there to put a letter to somebody in their letterbox? Why is it that everything I learn about that country makes me sad and confused?

      Jul 22, 2009 at 2:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   anglophile bang

      The mailbox is for the sole use of mail handled through the US Postal Service. Hand-delivered mail is a no-no.

      Not that it’s ever enforced.

      Jul 23, 2009 at 7:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Woman on the Verge bang

    Dear old lady downstairs,

    How long has it been since your nozzle was hosed?
    Come to our next water party!

    You own it!

    Sara and the Little Buddy

    Jul 21, 2009 at 4:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   mamason bang

    To the tune of
    http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Brooklyn-Tabernacle-Choir/This-Is-Your-House.html

    This is Your hose
    May I come and spray
    This is Your hose
    A hose without a sprayer
    Where the lost and the lonely
    Bring their nozzles and their cares
    This is Your hose
    This is Your hose
    Come and spray

    Jul 21, 2009 at 11:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   RoxyBlue

    “Party? That’s not a party. I’ll show you a party, old woman!”

    Then I’d invite over everyone I’d every met and have one hell of a house warming party! If she is going to complain she at least should have a legitimate reason.

    Jul 22, 2009 at 10:28 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   eli

    It’s illegal to threaten legal action if you don’t actually intend to do it. Idiot!

    Jul 23, 2009 at 7:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Stupid Sexy Flanders

    What an angry old ladyarino. diddly

    Jul 24, 2009 at 3:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Porgy Tirebiter bang

    Not one person has yet mention what for me is the most curious thing, the use of parentheses around “buddy.” I mean, not one (person) has mentioned it.

    Jul 24, 2009 at 1:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Shayner

    I personally think that laundry room parties are a total bore. Now public restrooms, that’s different. Ahhh yeahhhh….

    Jul 24, 2009 at 5:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   buy curtains. please.

    [...] related: get your “nozzle” off my “hose” [...]

    Oct 5, 2009 at 7:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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