Our anonymous submitter — a college student in Michigan — “borrowed” this note under the pretense of reading it to empathize with the recipient. “While the note itself is straight up aggressive,” she says, “I do know that it has followed months of passive-aggressiveness.” And most of these complaints, she says, are totally legit. “I’ve been in the adjoining room while she’s in the bathroom and it’s pretty offensive.”
related: Your new best friend
161 responses so far ↓
#1
mamason
Mom?
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:11 am rating: 27
#2
fluffy8u
Hmm… this sounds like my house. Are we sure that this note is from Michigan?
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:20 am rating: 2
#3
oi
so your point is???
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:22 am rating: 8
#4
fluffy8u
God knows what your doing in that bathroom too!
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:22 am rating: 1
#5
fluffy8u
There are 12 I’s/my’s in that note.
Self-centered much?
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:24 am rating: 9
#6
Me
I can conclude that you need to leave your room more often.
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:25 am rating: 64
#7
oi
Great! but I never thought you were deaf.
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:25 am rating: 11
#8
M.E.
I was unaware you could hear someone shaving.
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:28 am rating: 25
#9
Canthz_B
Surprise!
I can hear you doing all of the above, except shaving your legs (when did you buy the Miracle Ear™?), even as I listen to you waste potable water in a futile attempt to mask your bodily functions.
My advice? Save up and move to a place with thicker walls.
In the meantime, eat more fiber…it’ll tighten up your bowel movements and cut down on the noise. You sound like you’re practicing the trombone in there!
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:42 am rating: 42
#10
Zoe Right
It’s called a bathroom- don’t listen- play the radio, go for a walk, get a life….
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:44 am rating: 28
#11
lolsuz
My bf is hypersensitive about anyone overhearing him do his business, but he knows that’s HIS deal and doesn’t expect me or anyone else to be the same way. There are times, though, when even I want to have a “cover sound” in the bathroom.
It really pissed me OFF to hear water running for however long it takes for him to use the bathroom, though. It’s such a horrible waste of water… it was bothering me more to hear it than it would bother him to not run it. He actually agreed that it’s wasteful and we put a small radio in the bathroom. Turn it to static and viola- white noise.
I wish every bathroom had a second switch installed in switchplate, for a white noise generator.
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:48 am rating: 27
#12
orcagirl
Peering through the little hole I drilled in the wall, I can see everything that happens in your apartment.
Do not touch the towels. They are precisely placed, within the seven-inch by 11-inch space evident by the dotted line on the shelf.
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:54 am rating: 38
#13
zenvelo
finally, a note that’s pissed off for someone cleaning the bathroom! next time ASK to clean the bathroom!
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:58 am rating: 7
#14
Lea
At least she cleans the bathroom, and I doubt your world crumbles when your towel is moved a few inches. You keep the water running because you are considerate? Way to go green!
You need to get:
out of the room
headphones
a life
Jul 22, 2009 at 1:19 am rating: 12
#15
Canthz_B
This note is making me paranoid!
Jul 22, 2009 at 1:20 am rating: 3
#16
C.S. Harmonikah
Seems a little oversensitive. Thats how apartments usually are. There are thin walls and you have no privacy. Complaining about someone blowing their nose feels petty. Turn a tv on in the background and chill.
I used to have to hear my roommate bang bar-skanks 2-3 nights a week. I’m pretty sure at this point someone blowing their nose or pooping wont bother me.
Jul 22, 2009 at 1:27 am rating: 18
#17
Canthz_B
She should really be happy it was the kitchen sponge. The offending roomie could have misread spermicide as germicide…now that’s a note I’d like to see!
Jul 22, 2009 at 1:28 am rating: 3
#18
Flippy
Her “g”s are giving me a boner.
Jul 22, 2009 at 1:33 am rating: 5
#19
ShanBus
This is exactly what two people in my former apartment did: yelling into the phone or to people in the next room whenever they were in the bathroom which shared a very thin wall with my room.
But even though it made me want to punch a hole through the wall and grab the phone or eyelash curler or whatever out of the person’s hand and smack them with it, when I couldn’t take it anymore I would actually open the door, interrupt the screaming and ask them politely, in so many words, to STFU.
Jul 22, 2009 at 1:38 am rating: 7
#20
Susannie
…I can hear undead people….
Jul 22, 2009 at 2:35 am rating: 9
#21
Canthz_B
I know you can always hear me, so why are you always here?
Jul 22, 2009 at 2:47 am rating: 2
#22
Canthz_B
See, this is why I do not support Big Brothers and Big Sisters of America!
What’s that? That’s not who Orwell was talking about?
Never mind.
Jul 22, 2009 at 2:58 am rating: 6
#23
Michelle S.
I can hear it too… it’s the beating of her hideous heart!
Jul 22, 2009 at 3:02 am rating: 34
#24
marx
Hey Peter man, check out channel 9, check out this chick!
Jul 22, 2009 at 3:08 am rating: 10
#25
Carol
Gosh! You and your friend are sooo PWESSIOUS!
Jul 22, 2009 at 5:59 am rating: 2
#26
pegolas
I can hear you tense up every time I make a sound.
I can hear you sitting there, waiting for me to shave my legs and gargle.
I can hear you waiting, waiting, waiting for the phone to ring.
I can hear you staring aimlessly out the window
I can hear you never, ever once, getting laid.
I can hear every sound of your pathetic little life.
Jul 22, 2009 at 7:03 am rating: 36
#27
Wade
I wonder if the note writer is a fan of Theodore Geisel.
I kept waiting for a line about Thing 1 and Thing 2.
Jul 22, 2009 at 7:19 am rating: 7
#28
aaa
Is this what prompted Sting to write “Every Breath You Take”?
Jul 22, 2009 at 8:28 am rating: 8
#29
jenny h
This note inspired the Dashboard Confessional song, “Your hair is everywhere/screaming infidelities (which I can hear over my running water).”
Jul 22, 2009 at 9:30 am rating: 3
#30
Dave
It might be time to move, because if blowing her nose is offensive even mildly noisey sex is just going to put her over the edge.
Jul 22, 2009 at 9:34 am rating: 2
#31
GhostWriter
College Dorm chummery always pulls me back to the days of Roxy Music (but let’s give the revamped 10,000 Maniacs their due; this is an ethereal cover for the singalong link…)
I can hear ev’rything
That you do in the shower
Shaving legs in the sink
That is why I run water
I hear when you sneeze
… hopefully gagging
When you sit on the pot
I notice the gurgling
More of this – can’t stand any
more of this – taken plenty
more of this – shampoo’s empty…
It was odd that you thought
there was no way of hearing
your voice through the walls
Who can say what’s the reason?
Your hair’s ev’rywhere
Maybe you’ll clean up
with a sponge for a dish
Hey- not without asking!
More of this – towels are moving
more of this – you’ll keep doing
more of this – I’m assuming…
Jul 22, 2009 at 10:03 am rating: 8
#32
claw71
Yes, but can you smell everything?
Jul 22, 2009 at 10:05 am rating: 5
#33
Plain_Speaking
Wow, hearing someone shave. Just make sure you put the glass back in the kitchen once you remove it from the wall.
Jul 22, 2009 at 10:30 am rating: 6
#34
claw71
When I’m in the bathroom I like to perform a mock sports cast of the events in my best Marv Albert voice:
He leans forward, sphincter relaxed and YES! The first shit is good. Is that corn? When did he have corn?
(clark kellog): Yeah Marv, it’s corn. I think he had some black bean and corn salsa on Monday.
And he’s back in position. OH! This one seems to be hanging up a bit. Three second violation! That’s gonna cost him.
(clark): You’ve got to get those shits off quick in this league, Marv.
It looks like he’s finished. Not quite what he expected but still a remarkable effort. OH NO! Somebody didn’t replace the Toilet paper roll. This is not good.
(clark): He should have checked before he went in. You’ve got to have toilet paper in this league, Marv.
Wait! What’s he doing? YES! He’s fashioned a squeegie out of the cardboard roll. Amazing. He seems to be getting a pretty good wipe.
(clark): But he’s only going to get two passes out of that Marv, that’s not going to be enough. Not in this league, Marv.
It looks like he’s going to settle for a mild case of mud butt today. YES! he’s pulling up his pants. He’s flsuhing!
(clark): But he’s flushing that cardboard from the roll! That’s going to back up the plumbing…
And the toilet is backing up. He’s reaching for the plunger…YES! It went down. Slowly, but it’s going down. What an Amazing turn of events we’ve seen here.
(clark) I wouldn’t be surprised to see a floater at this point Marv. Or at least a few kernels of corn.
RE-jected! The toilet just blocked his second shit!
(clark): He should have thrown that cardboard in the wastebasket. You can’t be flushing cardboard in this league, Marv.
This is Un-BEEE-lievable! It looks like he’s not washing his hands. YES! He’s walked right past the sink. Somebody’s going to get e coli poisoning! That’s not going to make the commissioner happy.
(clark): *BARF*
Jul 22, 2009 at 10:32 am rating: 38
#35
Kellye
This obsessive snipe hears her roommate shaving? What is she, a fucking cocker spaniel?
And in related news, a running faucet uses about 2.2 gallons of water a minute, so if she runs the faucet for a hypothetical fifteen minutes while she’s in the bathroom (long enough to shit, shave, and gargle) she just wasted approximately 33 gallons of potable water.
Congratulations, you unsustainable asshat.
Jul 22, 2009 at 10:34 am rating: 17
#36
Party in my Pants
The writer is obviously standing with his ear to the wall. Pretty creepy!
Jul 22, 2009 at 10:34 am rating: 1
#37
scattywah
Yo, note writer: you live with someone. WAHHHHH. get over it.
The dish sponge thing is definitely out of line, but i hate it when people take out their bitterness about having a roommate on the roommate.
Jul 22, 2009 at 11:23 am rating: 4
#38
Booster
There’s a nice cadence to this note. It reminds me of a linkin park song.
Jul 22, 2009 at 12:20 pm rating: 1
#39
ryanmalloy
I can hear you take a dump in the shower.
Jul 22, 2009 at 1:32 pm rating: 7
#40
Gerald Ford
So to sum up. *ahem
Die you shedding wolverine harpie!
Die a horrible electrocution death.
Die and be cast into a flaming pit of constant mumblers.
Jul 22, 2009 at 1:41 pm rating: 8
#41
T.U.M.
I hear the cottonwoods whispering low,
Tammy, Tammy’s blowing her nose.
The ole hootie owl hootie-hoos to me, too.
Tammy, Tammy’s using the loo!
Jul 22, 2009 at 4:28 pm rating: 7
#42
claw71
Did you ever take a shit and one of the turds clings to an ass hair? It’s swinging around back there like Tarzan…Turdzan!. You shake your ass and flex your cheeks but that turd won’t let go. Before you know it you’re grunting and stomping around. The toilet’s shaking back and forth but that turd just keeps swinging. Smacking into your butt cheeks leaving poopy footprints all over your ass, smearing up on the seat and everything. Man I hate those swinging turds. Oh yeah, go ahead and try to make a toilet paper glove and pull it off. Just as you reach for it the TP falls off and you grab that turd with your bare hands. Shit all up under your nails.
Jul 22, 2009 at 4:38 pm rating: 7
#43
Kate
So here is the thing.
I have this medical condition which means that food and liquid I eat and drink become urine and faeces.
This means that at a number of time through out the day I need to use something called a toilet to rid myself of the urine and faeces. I understand that this can cause noises that can be disgusting.
Please understand that this is a rare condition that I cannot help. I understand that people who do not find the need to expel waste matter, like yourself, can find this difficult to live with. I can only apologise for this situation.
Jul 22, 2009 at 4:52 pm rating: 28
#44
MRG
Did anyone else think that the way the submitter got the note was passive-aggressive? I mean, pretending to be sympathetic just so she could get her hands on the note and show the world. I think that’s the definition of passive-aggressive!
Jul 22, 2009 at 6:12 pm rating: 8
#45
park rose
gigglebrax fail
Jul 22, 2009 at 7:03 pm rating: 1
#46
gamergf
God? God’s your roommate? What a stalker, that God dude.
Jul 22, 2009 at 7:21 pm rating: 3
#47
Michelle S.
In a way, I felt some sympathy for the note-writer. The note was obnoxious, but I get the feeling she has SPD, which is something I suffer from as well. Imagine how it feels to sit with someone eating, for instance, and the delicate smacking/crunching noises they make while enjoying their food are like a jackhammer on your skull – you just want to scream “STOP CHEWING ASSHOLE!!” at people. Anyway. Yeah, I know. ;D
Jul 23, 2009 at 10:29 am rating: 6
#48
Juliet
Obviously running water doesn’t help if she can hear her blowing her nose in the shower!
Jul 23, 2009 at 4:04 pm rating: 2
#49
bobby
That is some CRAZY right there. However I still maintain that a note cannot be aggressive because it is a note. The fact that it is a note is what makes the aggression passive. Instead of confronting you aggressively, she is skirting around confronting you and using a note.
I had a roommate once who we told, “Just tell us what you want us to do, we will understand, you don’t need to write a note,” and she responded something to the effect of, “I write a note so I can control what I’m saying without screaming in your face over how angry you make me.” Crazy.
Jul 24, 2009 at 1:57 pm rating: 1
#50
DC
This was sort of poetic, actually. It could work on Poetry Slam Open Mike Nite at the local coffee house. I’ve actually lived on the other side of a bathroom in a place with thin walls and no amount of water-running would have helped THAT situation.
Jul 27, 2009 at 6:05 am rating: 0
#51
Beth
I’m going to print this note off and put it in our bathroom. Because nothing ruins “the mood” like hearing your roommates peeing.
Also will add a line about flushing used tampons instead of letting them sit in the bowl. And about flushing bowel movements.
I have nasty roommates.
Aug 6, 2009 at 8:28 am rating: 0
#52
Sdanektir
Woohoo! Hope they heal quickly! Aside from the fact that they haven’t healed yet, how do you feel about the job this go around?
Aug 6, 2009 at 2:09 pm rating: 0
#53
blondinkaya
This is an excellent review.
Sep 25, 2009 at 10:47 pm rating: 0
#54 p.s. you’re not invited to my birthday party, either!
[...] related: i can hear everything [...]
Oct 16, 2009 at 12:13 pm rating: 0
#55
pony girl
I think Santa needs a vacation.
Oct 16, 2009 at 7:51 pm rating: 0
#56
Brett Bretterson
Hm, I wonder if she goes to the same college I do. We have a rather annoying suite system in the dorms where neighbors share a bathroom. The bathroom has two doors, neither of which can be locked and neither of which muffles any noise whatsoever. Always great when the neighbors drink themselves sick and spend an hour puking in there…
Apr 7, 2010 at 12:38 am rating: 0
Comments are Closed