While returning a long-lost battery charger, Kaitlin’s Dad echoes the sentiments of parents with adult children everywhere.
Meanwhile, Sarah in Greenville, S.C. shows the downside of giving in to parents’ nagging for unfettered access.
related: why you should not be facebook friends with your parents
FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · Facebook · Moms & Dads · San Francisco · signed with love · South Carolina
To Sarah in Greenville:
Dumbass! I know you know better than to friend your parents on Facebook! Everybody knows that they’re even worse than the second tier friends who always feel left out because they know that they aren’t invited to your “first tier friend” activities!
Jul 26, 2009 at 10:51 pm rating: 14
PS: what the fuck are those tattoos? They look like Death hacked up some previously gurgitated swallows.
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:14 pm rating: 37
I thought they might’ve been weird artsy flowers. :O
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:18 pm rating: 3
I think the tattoos are the love and affection she never received as a child, now manifested as art on her calves used to attract less than perfect mates in black lit rooms.
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:24 pm rating: 39
I think tattoos are a reflection of where one is in life at a specific time.
I still think a journal or diary is a better place to document such things, but to each his/her own.
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:25 am rating: 10
The tattoos remind me of one of my childhood horrors.
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:28 am rating: 2
My childhood horrors included Zoobilee Zoo. But then again, I am just a wee whippersnapper.
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:38 am rating: 5
My childhood horrors involve being forced to watch that homoerotic, bad acid trip, H R Pufnstuf with Jimmy and his “magical flute” Freddy. My sister loved that shit so I had to “share” and let her watch one of her dopey shows every saturday morning.
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:21 am rating: 3
Timo, even as a child, by watching that show, I somehow knew what psychodelic drugs must feel like.
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:26 am rating: 4
Marty Croft, bringing Timothy Leary to the under 10 crowd!
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:46 am rating: 1
Wow, zB @1.1, I always figured the Grim Reaper was probably a spitter.
Oh, and T imo, you’re thinking of Sid and Marty Krofft.
Jul 27, 2009 at 3:01 pm rating: 1
#1.4 “tattoos are a reflection of where one is in life at a specific time.”
That special time when I waded in leech infested swamp water with bats frisking about my hair.
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:02 pm rating: 3
At least, Dan/Dano/Dad/Dand still loves her…
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:13 pm rating: 8
“Book em Dano!”
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:06 am rating: 5
Just the tats, ma’am.
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:32 am rating: 4
You dirty tats!
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:47 am rating: 3
Next day when Dad signs on Facebook for his daily checkup: “Sarah only shares certain information with everyone. To learn more about Sarah, add her as a friend.”
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:18 pm rating: 28
Nagging dads. That’s a switch. My dad and I chat for about 20 minutes on the phone two or three times a year and we’re good. It’s mom who seems to crave the hourly updates on my stunningly boring day.
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:21 pm rating: 3
To be honest, if I put something out my vagina, I would want at least monthly updates too. Maybe not hourly lik eyou surmise but more than quarterly like a sperm donor would.
Not so much to ask you know..
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:25 pm rating: 38
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:29 pm rating: 35
To be honest, I’ve put several things out my vagina …
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:47 pm rating: 14
Well now that was just uncalled for.
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:01 am rating: 13
I thought monthly vaginal discharge was a healthy thing.
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:28 am rating: 9
It beats the alternative.
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:59 am rating: 9
Probably calls more often too.
Jul 27, 2009 at 5:52 am rating: 9
“Heeellloo Aunt Flo I thought that was you.”
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:24 am rating: 7
Why reply w/ a whiny “DAD!” when with one simple click you can remove the comment and no one will be the wiser?
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:22 pm rating: 14
Because it’s Facebook. What better place to show the world your angst and drama than Facebook? And don’t say Myspace. Obviously Sarah in Greenville is too much of a classy-ass college student to waste her time on that high school website.
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:37 pm rating: 14
I felt it was more of an “Oh, shit!” DAD! than a teen-ager style eyeroll DAD!
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:12 pm rating: 1
uh first name, last initial and city are probably enough to invite stalkers…
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:30 pm rating: 1
She’s the one that chose to not be anonymous. Using your full name, location, and photos of your face on Facebook is far more likely to invite e-stalkers to become meatspace stalkers.
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:47 pm rating: 5
So are those soccer moms who put the little stick figures on their rear windows with their kids name under them. The only way they can be stupider is when they put the “my kid is on the honor roll at Blah Blah I Suck Elementary” sticker on the bumper. It’s like, hey! guess who the pedophiles are picking from school tomorrow? Your kid!
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:49 pm rating: 16
I dunno about that. claw says that the dumb kids are much easier to lure into his van…
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:52 am rating: 11
Jett, stalker is our middle name. Be afraid.
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:00 am rating: 2
Oooo…. Mishee, you’re being referenced. Sue for royalties!
Jul 27, 2009 at 2:08 am rating: 0
They begged me to sign up for Facebook. Begged me! ‘We know you won’t have friends your age on there’, they said, ‘but you will have us for friends.’
A week or so later, shocked that they were no longer my only Facebook friends, they questioned me on who my other friends were. ‘How did you meet them? Where do you know them from? Do I know any of the people they know?’
Almost as bad as the questions I had to answer the time I wanted to borrow my daughter’s car for a Friday evening out.
Jul 26, 2009 at 11:42 pm rating: 27
The bitch wouldn’t share her Malibu Barbie pink corvette with you!? How can she be so ungrateful?
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:05 am rating: 8
They think that we belong on CB radio—breaker, breaker, one-nine!
There’s a Smokey near exit 147, slow your roll, Baby!
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:40 am rating: 3
“Okay, you can borrow the car this once Dad, but be back before eleven and don’t spill anything on the seats!”
Jul 27, 2009 at 3:18 am rating: 8
Actually, T imo® , it was the red Barbie® Ferrari. That makes it all the more painful.
Jul 27, 2009 at 6:52 pm rating: 2
My dad tried me with that. I sent him a card, snail mail, that said:
You know, you could call, too.
Your daughter who emails you 2-3 times a week with life updates but only gets “funny” forwards from you.
(I wish he would send it in, yet I’m not sure I want to tell him that this site exists. He doesn’t need help.)
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:05 am rating: 17
The “funny” e-mail forwards- ugh! .
Jul 28, 2009 at 2:21 pm rating: 0
parents and facebook do not mix.
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:18 am rating: 2
Sure parents mix. You haven’t met your half-brother yet?! LOL
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:36 am rating: 6
They mix better than parents, red wine, a move rental from a ‘novelty’ store named ‘The Plain Brown Bag’, and a shared wall. You know you’re in for a long night there.
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:36 pm rating: 1
As the father of two daughters in their early twenties, I’d rather see tattoos on their calves online than labial piercings, so this ain’t really as bad as it could have been!
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:31 am rating: 16
I wouldn’t even want to know if one of my daughters got a labial piercing, let alone see it.
Jul 27, 2009 at 11:41 am rating: 2
I understand that my daughter in law has a nipple pierce but I don’t believe that I will ever have the desire to find out.
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:03 pm rating: 1
So … never wore shorts or a skirt around your parents?
If they’re new tats, never planning to wear shorts or a skirt around your parents?
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:36 am rating: 4
even in the summer?
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:44 am rating: 1
much to my chagrin
I like how the first letter of every word in Dan/Dad’s note is capitalized, and he went for all caps in the signature.
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:41 am rating: 1
Except for the letters that aren’t, I agree completely.
Jul 27, 2009 at 12:44 am rating: 6
much to my chagrin
Whoops. Now that I look again, I see there are several capital letters in the middle of words, too. Poor Dan/Dad was so overcome with grief at his neglect that he couldn’t make up his mind.
Sorry for my mistake, I’m a little drunk.
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:16 am rating: 6
A little drunk is a nice place to be. Rest assured, you’re not drinking alone this night! *hic*
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:27 am rating: 2
I have a nice glass of chardonnay next to my bottle of tequila, which is hiding behind my bottle of rum. I passed “little drunk” hours ago.
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:55 am rating: 4
Ah, but will ‘Little Drunk’ send you monthly updates?
Jul 27, 2009 at 2:14 am rating: 7
It will if I wake up next to a strange guy, having no clue what happened.
Jul 27, 2009 at 3:03 am rating: 4
I’m strange and leave no clues…haven’t be caught yet!!
Jul 27, 2009 at 8:42 am rating: 4
Lucy Van Pelt
I didn’t want to be friends with my Dad on Facebook. I deliberately didn’t friend him. But after a while he worked out how to friend me, and I had to accept it, or risk offending him. Now my Facebook is Safe For Parents – and duller for it.
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:03 am rating: 2
Just friend Pig Pen and dad will soon go away.
Besides, all dad can post is mwawk-wawk-wawk-mwawk-wawk, so who cares?
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:11 am rating: 9
Believe me, it was dull before you added your father.
Jul 27, 2009 at 6:16 am rating: 3
Dull as dishwater.
Dull as dishwater blonde hair.
Dull as the dishwater tasting Belgian beer I’m drinking at the moment.
Don’t let them fool you, folks. A straw’s a straw by any other name.
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:02 am rating: 3
much to my chagrin
Love Dad. Not love, Dad. Love Dad. Love him!
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:20 am rating: 8
Or what? He’ll try to cook me something that has more than three ingredients?
Jul 27, 2009 at 2:06 am rating: 6
Oh, let’s lighten the thread up a bit, and because my tan has got the better of my gential… Was (Not Was) .
Yes, Fluffy, I know it’s not part of your 19 year old word of the day scoring life, however considering the number of jobs and experiences you have had in that time, you can make something of it. Even with three ingredients.
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:01 am rating: 2
19? … I’m 23… that makes me sad I come off as a teenager.
…And comments like that are probably why I sound teenagerish.
Jul 27, 2009 at 3:15 pm rating: 1
I believe somewhere sometime you declared you were 19. but not more then 6 months ago. Unless your famous grandma has something to do with your birth certificate …..
♫ Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke Niggaz ♫
I have been suspecting for quite sometime you are somebody else. # 14.3 kinda puts the finger on your identity.
Jul 27, 2009 at 4:56 pm rating: 4
Sometimes I think I might be somebody else.
Jul 27, 2009 at 6:54 pm rating: 1
GG, I don’t think it…another part of me does.
Sorry, fluff, maybe it was your sister.
I put an emoticon up there to further (attempt to) lighten things up.
Jul 27, 2009 at 7:09 pm rating: 0
I am Nelson Mandela.
Jul 27, 2009 at 7:20 pm rating: 2
Maybe I’m really 19. Or maybe I’m actually a 42 year old man with glaucoma and a dirty mind, sitting in my trailer while the meat sack I call my wife nags me into oblivion about doing something with my life and, to escape it all, I hop onto to PAN just to mess with you all with fake stories of jobs I never had, people I never met, and things that never happened. But you’ll never know because the internet is a wondrous thing. Mwahahaha!!
Nah, I’m just joshin’ you. I’m a 23 year old writer who lives at home, occasionally attends morning classes at the local college, has no boyfriend, and drinks life away.
Jul 27, 2009 at 11:19 pm rating: 1
No longer can Kaitlin use the excuse “my phone is dead”…
Jul 27, 2009 at 2:33 am rating: 1
or “I’m out of minutes”…
Jul 27, 2009 at 3:30 am rating: 1
or “I’m out of minutes”….
Jul 27, 2009 at 3:32 am rating: 19
That’s the most passive-aggresive single little dot I’ve ever seen. I’m impressed, fluffy!
Jul 28, 2009 at 10:07 am rating: 1
Is the lack of achievements in your life really an excuse to ignore your parents. Surely you can be ashamed of your low life, but your parents STILL love you….
Jul 27, 2009 at 3:13 am rating: 1
Like my father loves me..2 min.(exactly) phone calls, Christmas and Birthday checks with no note or card, and still hasn’t been to my home.
When he said he was thinking about getting a laptop and going online, I DIDN’T change his view that it probably would cost extra to reach the States. (He spends 6 months in Mexico). I would never put my parents on my Friends list on anything.
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:21 am rating: 2
Look what we finally found! It was in the drawer with your mom’s vibrator!
She hasn’t been in there for quite some time, if you get my drift.
Jul 27, 2009 at 8:53 am rating: 3
Some tats are really cool. Unfortunately for Sarah these aren’t. Posting them on facebook is a very obvious “look at me” act which is also not very cool. Sarah, you are a douche.
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:04 am rating: 15
If I may borrow an insult from WWE wrestler Johnny Nitro (now wrestling as John Morrison) directed at fellow wrestler CM Punk.
It looks like Sarah got her tattoos out of a coloring book. *ZING!*
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:11 am rating: 2
Now there’s an identity.
She should have a douche-bag tattoo strategically placed!
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:11 am rating: 1
Looks like someone is so lame they use jokes from WWE wrestlers. *ZING!*
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:38 am rating: 2
I’m not lame, I’ve just got a slight limp! D:
By the way, maybe taking that stick out of your anus would improve your slight limp. ;D
(Should I add another *ZING!*, or would that be too smartass?)
Jul 27, 2009 at 11:14 am rating: 3
At least wait until the stick has finished — even if your ass will smart.
Jul 27, 2009 at 3:09 pm rating: 1
My step-son wanted to tattoo his mom’s name on his arm after she died. I asked, “Why? Are you afraid you’re going to forget it?”
He opted for a scorpion…as if he’d forget his zodiac sign.
I just can’t figure these kids out, so I’ve stopped trying.
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:07 am rating: 2
At least he didn’t want to get a corset piercing.
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:22 am rating: 3
Daddy! I’m trying to be rebellious. You are ruining it!!
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:09 pm rating: 3
Hmm… rebellion… rebellion… rebellion… GOT IT! Indistinguishable flower-birds on my calves! Then, put a photo on facebook to be even more of an anti-conformist! BRILLIANT!
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:49 pm rating: 5
Those tats are not rebellion, they’re just bad taste.
Jul 27, 2009 at 1:58 pm rating: 8
Rebellious would be taking off that promise keeper ring and giving up that sweet vag for once. Not that I’m minding the anal, but nothing shows dad who’s in charge like a broken hymen.
Jul 27, 2009 at 3:12 pm rating: 3
and the ensuing pregnancy.
Jul 27, 2009 at 3:16 pm rating: 4
but will the ensuing progeny contact her at least once a month?
Jul 27, 2009 at 4:17 pm rating: 3
Who forgets that their parents are their friends on Facebook?
Jul 27, 2009 at 2:10 pm rating: 2
Somehow, I don’t think there was any forgetting involved. I mean, what’s a better passive aggressive way to tell your ‘rents that they’re not number one in your life than to give them the same access to your life that you give your second-tier friends?
Jul 27, 2009 at 2:50 pm rating: 4
I don’t even add my friends as friends on facebook.
Jul 27, 2009 at 3:08 pm rating: 0
That’s nothing to brag about considering the number of friends you have. *ahem*
Jul 27, 2009 at 4:12 pm rating: 2
Not to change the subject but what’s with the Olympic rings at the bottom of the first note? Just struck me as random. . .
Jul 27, 2009 at 4:25 pm rating: 0
Nah, he’s seen the tattoos. This is just the first time he saw that she owned a *mirror.* They’re Amish, you know.
Facebook-using, cellphone-owning, tattoo-getting Amish. Okay, fine, my theory may have some holes.
Jul 27, 2009 at 4:41 pm rating: 2
It’s called Rumspringa
Jul 27, 2009 at 7:01 pm rating: 1
IF my parents could figure out facebook I wouldnt add them. I did add my aunt and uncle, but they’re normal people, unline my parents.
Jul 28, 2009 at 1:54 pm rating: 0
Blech, those tattoos are hideous.
Jul 28, 2009 at 3:54 pm rating: 1
Really? You can tell that from a low-resolution copy of a screenshot of a low-resolution copy of a digital photo taken at an awkward angle? The best tattoo in the world would look bad under those conditions.
Nov 17, 2009 at 4:38 pm rating: 1
Steve in Denver
Aug 10, 2009 at 11:09 pm rating: 0
thanks for the geography lesson, dad!
[...] related: love, dad [...]
Nov 2, 2009 at 9:25 pm rating: 0
— The Beast Among Us
2011: The Top Notes of the Year
2010: The Funniest Notes of the Year
2009: The Best Notes of the Year
2008: Your Favorite Notes of the Year
Carnivores: keep being awesome!
actually totally reasonable
a little patronizing
clip art catastrophe
flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens
landlords and property managers
Moms & Dads
more aggressive than passive
most popular notes of 2010
most popular notes of 2011
most popular notes of 2012
most popular notes of 2013
now that's management
sex sex sex
signed with love
spelling and grammar police
thanks (but not really)
unnecessary "quotation marks"
You call that punctuation?