Writes Emily in Austin: “In the notewriter’s defense, this machine has also given me regular Coke when I have pressed ‘Coke Zero’ on many an occasion, so when I saw this note, I thought I had figured it out. If I wanted Coke Zero, I just had to push the button for regular Coke. (I did…and it gave me regular Coke. Bitch!”) Meanwhile, on top of the machine was a can of Diet Coke and a can of Coke Zero with a note saying: ‘NOT Coke!’ After I took the picture, of course I took that Coke Zero and drank it.”
Diet Coke just can’t get no love…certainly not in Williamsburg, Virginia, as Grace from D.C. discovered.
related: the real thing
196 responses so far ↓
#1
Denagh
Oh yes REPENT!! and first..for the first time ever. =)
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:49 pm rating: 11
#2
Jorge Barnes
I agree. Nutrasweet/saccarine/aspartame all blow and trick your stomach that it has sugary-rich liquid to digest, thus fucking up your metabolism. Bitch.
Jul 27, 2009 at 9:53 pm rating: 8
#3
Sara
I like how the second note is placed right above the picture of the guy getting crushed by the soda machine. (LOL)
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:13 pm rating: 15
#4
Geek Goddess
Coke people scare me.
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:14 pm rating: 6
#5
Joyful
Since when has a Coke ever been “much needed”?
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:15 pm rating: 9
#6
Kelly
I used to be possessed by a soda-machine demon. We would switch around the cans so that everyone who wanted Coke got Diet Coke, everyone who wanted Diet Coke got Sprite, and everyone who wanted Surge got punched in the crotch. Good times, good times.
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:15 pm rating: 28
#7
supresmooth
I once pressed the Wild Cherry Pepsi button on the secret, hidden, only-Pepsi-machine-left-on-this-stupied-Coke-sponsored-campus and received a regular Pepsi instead.
It only happened the one time and I’ve probably purchased a couple dozen WCPs from that machine, but the flavor was devastating for that one day.
Jul 27, 2009 at 10:39 pm rating: 2
#8
fluffy8u
I want a real coke?
Jul 27, 2009 at 11:10 pm rating: 0
#9
Meh
I wonder which circle of hell is reserved for soda frauds. Probably the same one for false prophets.
Jul 27, 2009 at 11:30 pm rating: 7
#10
Silhouette
The second one is somewhat the opposite of a passive-aggressive note, with their false politeness. The *anger* in this one is so tongue-in-cheek that it comes across as friendly teasing.
Jul 27, 2009 at 11:38 pm rating: 3
#11
RigaToni
At the risk of getting myself a day in the Unitard….
That Coke Zero was fucking delicious.
Jul 27, 2009 at 11:39 pm rating: 1
#12
Canthz_B
Rocking can cause death?
What am I going to do with this new swivel/rocker?
Hmm, I haven’t had my mother-in-law over in a while…
Jul 28, 2009 at 12:03 am rating: 7
#13
Canthz_B
If down to my last 75¢ I’d invest in a lottery ticket, not a soft drink.
Jul 28, 2009 at 12:05 am rating: 4
#14
Matthew
Hilarious. Check out the notes that have been left in regards to the vending machine at where I work
http://www.flickr.com/photos/suomynona/sets/72157609039497242/
Jul 28, 2009 at 12:08 am rating: 4
#15
Jo Ann v.
That could be me !
Well, I have my own stock at home, but I could totally write that since I am such a junkie !
Jul 28, 2009 at 12:41 am rating: 1
#16
Canthz_B
Not being a big fan of rat droppings, I don’t use vending machines that dispense cans.
I prefer the bottle. *hic*
Jul 28, 2009 at 1:23 am rating: 2
#17
fluffy8u
@ the whole “not Coke” sign: Um, yes, those cans are Cokes. They’re just different variations of Coke produced by the Coke company. So actually, you sound pretty stupid. You don’t here me going up to an oak tree and saying “Hey, everybody! This is not a tree! No tree here!” do you? No. So shut up, drink your coke, and be grateful you have money to spend on cokes because there are some people in this country who don’t even have the money to buy cokes. Ingrate.
Jul 28, 2009 at 1:26 am rating: 5
#18
Canthz_B
Eternal damnation for putting soda cans in the wrong slot?
I really need to read Exodus and Deuteronomy again!
Jul 28, 2009 at 1:51 am rating: 0
#19
Reibear
One time my ex-roommate bought a pack of mini-coke zeros. I remembered that I used to love drinking coca cola, so I asked her very nicely for one, and she said yes! It tasted horrible, and I regretted it. But then again, I decided to buy myself a bottle of normal coca cola, and it also tasted bad! :{
Jul 28, 2009 at 5:37 am rating: 1
#20
fantasy
Well, could you imagine the hell, uproar and eternal damnation back in 1903 when they took the actual Coke *as in coca-cocaine* out of the mix?
There is a special place in Hell that awaits those that took it upon themselves, I think it may be in the inner circle of Hell. It has something to do with trying to make the world a “better” place, Ha!
It is Harmony Hell.
Yeah, go ahead and try to teach the world to sing! You will go to Hell, I hear no one sings in Hell.
*I’d like to buy the world a Coke*
The world was singing along just fine before 1903.
It has not been “The Real Thing” ever,ever again, so sad.
Now, it truly is, Coke Zero.
……….and Baby Jesus cried.
Jul 28, 2009 at 6:54 am rating: 8
#21
claw71
Some of the newer machines are a little tricky. Once you crack those bad boys open it’s easy to lose track of which slot is actuated by which button. I wouldn’t go so far as to call the vending machine guy evil for stocking Diet Coke in the Cherry Coke slot. Accidents happen and you can usually find somebody willing to buy the unwanted Coca Cola product from you so that you can roll the dice on another button.
Now if you end up with Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pibb, that’s just heinous. Although I will give the makers of Dr. Pepper some credit: there is no difference between their regular and diet versions. They both taste like prune-infused crow shit.
Jul 28, 2009 at 8:49 am rating: 1
#22
situational lefty
It would have been really messed up if they had pressed the Coke Zero button and gotten a Crystal Pepsi instead.
Jul 28, 2009 at 9:52 am rating: 1
#23
Winon
For those of us who literally cannot have Nutrasweet/aspartame (well, unless I want a mind-blowing migraine for a whole day), it truly could be dangerous, and not just a “oh, I was looking forward to a Cherry Coke” type of thing. Sigh.
Jul 28, 2009 at 10:18 am rating: 0
#24
GhostWriter
One time I pushed the button for an Orange Fanta, and a can of Freon came out.
It was actually a better deal.
Jul 28, 2009 at 10:18 am rating: 12
#25
GhostWriter
If you drink your Coke fast, you’ll feel the Rush…
There is unrest in the breakroom
There is trouble with the drinks
For the people want Coke Classic
But the cooler plays high jinx
There’s trouble with the sodas
they’re dispensing not quite right
Just say you want to choose a Pepsi
Well, you might get Diet Sprite
But if you really want Coke Zero
Then you’ll have to play the game
Pick a number- push the button
The product never is the same.
There is trouble in the breakroom
Where a somber note’s displayed
As the author screams ‘Oppression!’
When she gets a Minutemaid.
So the drinkers tipped it over
And absconded with the drinks
‘Them folks were just too greedy
Wonder if they’ll give ‘em back?’
Now there’s no more Coke dispenser
For they pulled it from the hall
And the throngs of thirsty people
Buy fridgepaks, one and all.
Jul 28, 2009 at 11:00 am rating: 5
#26
aaa
The only beverage worth drinking that’s produced by the Coca-Cola Company is Mello Yello, and that’s woefully underrated. That shit’s fucking magical.
So, um, I guess these heathens should repent and turn their back on Coke and Not Coke and accept the One True Beverage into their hearts. I guess.
Jul 28, 2009 at 11:12 am rating: 3
#27
claw71
As the only black man on this board I have to voice my displeasure with the fact that a brotha can’t find a damn Faygo machine up in here. I want some Red Pop, motha fucka! And where the grape, bitch? If you can’t give me some Red Pop you can at least hook me up with some grape. Racists! I’m calling Al Sharpton.
Jul 28, 2009 at 12:16 pm rating: 1
#28
robyn
{raises hand} can I have the diet coke?
Jul 28, 2009 at 2:15 pm rating: 0
#29
asdf
asdfasdf
Jul 28, 2009 at 2:25 pm rating: 1
#30
Hamwallet
Damn tasty.
Jul 28, 2009 at 3:02 pm rating: 0
#31
Lily
75 cents for a soda?! Where is this magical place? Soda where I’m from is at the least $1.75 from a machine.
Dang.
Jul 28, 2009 at 4:21 pm rating: 0
#32
James
I can actually relate to the second note. If I want some HFCS Cherry goodness and I end up getting a cancerous shit-tasting beverage instead, I’m liable to make some heads roll.
Jul 29, 2009 at 4:30 pm rating: 0
#33
Beth
It took our office three months of nagging to get the Coke guy to put the Sprite ($1.25) and the water ($2.00) in their correct spots. Co-workers were getting really pissy about spending the extra $.75 for their sugar high, and about still getting water when they hit the Sprite button after each re-stock. I understand things like that happen all over our campus.
Maybe it’s time to switch the contract to Pepsi.
Aug 6, 2009 at 8:40 am rating: 1
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