Nutranot-so-sweet

July 27th, 2009 · 196 comments

Writes Emily in Austin: “In the notewriter’s defense, this machine has also given me regular Coke when I have pressed ‘Coke Zero’ on many an occasion,  so when I saw this note, I thought I had figured it out. If I wanted Coke Zero, I just had to push the button for regular Coke. (I did…and it gave me regular Coke. Bitch!”) Meanwhile, on top of the machine was a can of Diet Coke and a can of Coke Zero with a note saying: ‘NOT Coke!’ After I took the picture, of course I took that Coke Zero and drank it.”

To: Coke Machine Person

Diet Coke just can’t get no love…certainly not in Williamsburg, Virginia, as Grace from D.C. discovered.

Repent, Coke Guy, Repent!

related: the real thing

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · Coke · Diet Coke · pleasantries as afterthought · vending machine drama · you're like so going to hell


196 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Denagh

    Oh yes REPENT!! and first..for the first time ever. =)

    Jul 27, 2009 at 9:49 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   snee

      repent from that whole ‘first’ thing.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:09 am   rating: 56  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Canthz_B bang

      It’s obvious you were never first in your class, so why not be first in your lack of it?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:13 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Denagh

      Harsh you very NOT pa ppl..shit you are all living and breathing this site, and someone else says first and you get your little clique asses in a wad? Get over it.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 2:37 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Canthz_B bang

      I suppose it’s remotely possible that you did not see that you are asked NOT to post a stupid “first” comment before you posted. I say “stupid” because, as comment number one, it’s self-evident that it’s first. Redundancy, and all that.
      But the request is there. Maybe you’re just not good at reading and following instructions.
      As for living and breathing this site, you seemed pretty excited about posting the first comment. What were you living and breathing at the time?

      Hell, you’ve been around here for a while and you should have known you’d catch a little shit for posting a “first” comment. Get over it.

      That felt fucking delicious, by the way! ;-)

      Jul 28, 2009 at 2:57 am   rating: 56  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   aaa

      Jesus Fucking Delicious H Christ! When will people repent and open their hearts to the Truth of Not Taking Anything on PAN Seriously? God damn!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:05 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   anglophile bang

      Oh, I hope never, aaa. I love the serious commentators the best. I live for the days someone tells me I need to get a Real Life, it just makes my week. Expecially if they spend hours and hours arguing back when they are called out. Those ones fill me with joy.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:10 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   aaa

      Yeah, I do have to admit that the Serious Commenters are pretty amusing. It’s just beyond fucking baffling when anyone takes anything seriously on the internet. The struggle between laughing and headdesking is an intense one.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:10 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Kelly

      Anglophile, I hope that you never, ever, ever get a real life!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:18 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   park rose bang

      ‘Glo, you’ve got a high class stalker here.
      Long may you reign, Kelly. That is, after ‘glo has ceased reigning (God forbid).

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   T imo® bang

      Lift up your hearts to never having a real life and being overly serious.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   anglophile bang

      No need to worry about that unlikely possibility, Kelly.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.12   oi bang

      I don’t have life either. Currently I am homelss. I reek of old granny smell. as me being high class jewish old granny evrybody in this world is beneath me. don’t stoop john. you don’t wear red, you dark bitch. My daughter won’t marry a wealthy man and give me a roof in this old age. fuck her. My husband married a slutty 23 years old and he lives on caribbean island with her. He could not got it up when he was 20. I should be after his money not that blonde whore. All my old friends do not like me. They don’t even pretend they like me. PAN is my only home.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.13   LindaRichmann

      Ach dear your husband is a dog, FEH! He deserves to get worse than fleas. That Altecocke petsuleh will have it turning green and falling off after laying with that gunsel. Bubbeleh take it from me you are better off at least your daughter calls you.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:14 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.14   anglophile bang

      Maybe you could look into joining a mahjong club at your local coffeehouse, oi.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:41 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.15   Meh bang

      Last in the #1 post thread! and my word of the day lasted like a week! Look at me!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.16   Geek Goddess

      Congratulations, Meh!

      Jul 29, 2009 at 1:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.17   D / DM

      Y’know… I come back to PAN with good intentions and this thread is what I get. I need Advil now.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 7:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Jorge Barnes

    I agree. Nutrasweet/saccarine/aspartame all blow and trick your stomach that it has sugary-rich liquid to digest, thus fucking up your metabolism. Bitch.

    Jul 27, 2009 at 9:53 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   supresmooth

      Nutrasweet is just a brand label for aspartame. Of course, artificial sweeteners are just as tricky as HFCS and equally fuck your shit up.

      Jul 27, 2009 at 10:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   kookaburra

      That’s why I only drink Mexican Coke. Mmmmm, real sugar.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:16 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   T imo® bang

      MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM I wish they had machines that only dispensed Mexican bottled sodas. Sugar cane-y goodness!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   MAMARILLA2 bang

      You mean we could get Tamarindo soda?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Meesh

      I like Mexican coke too, but I have to buy them one at a time. Otherwise they all hang around the pantry whistling at Mrs. Butterworth.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:46 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   Dr. Bologna bang

      My local movie theater installed a Mexican coke fountain a few months back. Three weeks later, all the coke fountains were mexican and the sprite was starting to worry.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:57 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   Phalange

      I prefer Colombian coke, but whatever.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:33 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   T imo® bang

      That Mrs. Butterworth has a serious buhdunkadonk. Giggity!

      Mmmm horchata.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.9   Snippy

      Whore chatter.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.10   Nick

      Apple Soda is the best. I love that more and more Mexicans are coming to this country and bringing their delicious soda with them.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 2:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.11   Bunnee

      Don’t you mean Manzana? (Although, this, too, is made by Coke. They’re everywhere!)

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.12   D / DM

      @Jorge,
      I agree. And when I press the Cherry Coke button, I WANT to have a sludgy sugar-death of an afternoon. If I was subjected to Diet Coke in such a moment of weakness, I don’t know what I’d do.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 7:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Sara

    I like how the second note is placed right above the picture of the guy getting crushed by the soda machine. (LOL)

    Jul 27, 2009 at 10:13 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   snee

      if someone actually gets crushed by the coke machine, should we call dr. pepper?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:14 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   T imo® bang

      Then call his Lawyer Mr. Pibb esq.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:17 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Geek Goddess

    Coke people scare me.

    Jul 27, 2009 at 10:14 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Joyful

    Since when has a Coke ever been “much needed”?

    Jul 27, 2009 at 10:15 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Michelle S.

      As an ex-Coca-cola addict, I can say without reservation that I have “much needed” a Coke fix on countless occasions. Especially while working in an industry with frequent deadlines and all-nighters.

      BTW, I’m also an ex-smoker, and I have never “much needed” cigarettes like I have Cokes.

      The stuff is like heroin in a shiny red can for chrisakes.

      Jul 27, 2009 at 11:26 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Meh bang

      In my case, I usually start itching then get a bad case of the sniffles. If it gets bad enough, nosebleeds start.

      Jul 27, 2009 at 11:28 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Meesh

      That just means you’re not doing enough of it.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   KatieMB

      Exactly. Now don’t disturb me while I finish off this refridge 12-pack…

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Kelly

    I used to be possessed by a soda-machine demon. We would switch around the cans so that everyone who wanted Coke got Diet Coke, everyone who wanted Diet Coke got Sprite, and everyone who wanted Surge got punched in the crotch. Good times, good times.

    Jul 27, 2009 at 10:15 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Debineezer

      Yep, eternal damnation for you:)

      Jul 27, 2009 at 10:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Kelly

      That’s funny, that’s what that bus full of nuns said right before… well, I’ll save that story for another time.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   snee bang

      i’m looking forward to that story. i bet claw’s in it, right?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:25 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Kelly

      How could you tell? He was wearing one of those V masks…

      I think I’ve said too much.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:33 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   marx

      Aw man! When’s the statute of limitations up? I want GIFs!!!1

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Snippy

      “Bring out The GIFs.”

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   mamason bang

      Never look a gif horse in the mouth!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 5:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   not me!

      When I was 16 I worked in a grocery store. We had a blast switching the labels between cat food and tuna, deviled ham (same size as Fancy Feast at that time), etc.

      I will surely go to hell also. Although I don’t know if that’s as bad as depriving someone of their coca cola fix…

      Jul 28, 2009 at 6:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   Neeners

      Is that why my sandwich smells like catfood?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.10   green mamba

      we switched it up so you got beer. no matter what button you pushed, you got a nice cold refreshing beer. mmm, beer.

      Jul 30, 2009 at 3:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   supresmooth

    I once pressed the Wild Cherry Pepsi button on the secret, hidden, only-Pepsi-machine-left-on-this-stupied-Coke-sponsored-campus and received a regular Pepsi instead.

    It only happened the one time and I’ve probably purchased a couple dozen WCPs from that machine, but the flavor was devastating for that one day.

    Jul 27, 2009 at 10:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   G

      …paging “George P. Burdell”…Mr. Burdell, please come to the PAN counter.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   fluffy8u

    I want a real coke?

    Jul 27, 2009 at 11:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Snippy

      No, you don’t?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Meh bang

    I wonder which circle of hell is reserved for soda frauds. Probably the same one for false prophets.

    Jul 27, 2009 at 11:30 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   snee

      third circle, first spot on the left.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:11 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Meh bang

      Next to the loud speakers? Aww man. My head is going to hurt tomorrow.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:27 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Snippy

      Procrastinator.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Neeners

      Nutrasweet is the antichrist’s weapon of choice!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Silhouette

    The second one is somewhat the opposite of a passive-aggressive note, with their false politeness. The *anger* in this one is so tongue-in-cheek that it comes across as friendly teasing.

    Jul 27, 2009 at 11:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Susannie

      Surely, false politeness is teh best kind of PA :) ‘Killing you softly with false politeness’ could be a song!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   RigaToni

    At the risk of getting myself a day in the Unitard….

    That Coke Zero was fucking delicious.

    Jul 27, 2009 at 11:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   claw71 bang

      You’re not even worthy of the unitard because Coke Zero is most certainly not. You will be shunned until you post something worthwhile.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:58 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Geek Goddess

      Alright, guys, you do know that there is no actual Candy Mountain unitard, right?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:32 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   not me!

      Shun!! Shun, Charlie! Shun!!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 6:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Snippy

      Charlie Shun? Wasn’t he married for a while to Denise Ruchards until they got duvorced and then she broke up the marriage of Heather Lucklear and Ruchie Sumbora, the Bun Juvi guitarist?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    Rocking can cause death?

    What am I going to do with this new swivel/rocker?
    Hmm, I haven’t had my mother-in-law over in a while…

    Jul 28, 2009 at 12:03 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Canthz_B bang

      And tipping can only cause death if you tip under 15% to a server with a piss-poor, entitled attitude.
      You can never be sure when those people will snap!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:29 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Meh bang

      I think it was more of a Jimi Hendrix/John Bonham reference.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    If down to my last 75¢ I’d invest in a lottery ticket, not a soft drink.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 12:05 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   KatieMB

      I’d like to know where he’s getting a Coke for 75 cents!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:45 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   fluffy8u

      I do all my grocery shopping at WinCo Foods. Everything there is incredibly cheap (an avocado for $1?!), so after I get done with my purchases I reward my frugal self with an ice cold Coca-Cola priced at just 5o cents a can!

      Also, I believe Wal-Mart has vending machines where soda is 75 cents.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   KatieMB

      That explains it – never to Walmart do I go.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 6:14 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   anglophile bang

      My grocery store has its own brand of soda in a machine for 25¢ a can. The black cherry and cream are pretty good.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 7:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   KatieMB

      But it’s not Diet Coke…

      ;)

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   Canthz_B bang

      Katie, I was so anti-Walmart…before I needed like everything for a new apartment and went to Walmart.
      Of course, I go late at night and wear a disguise…

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:28 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   Meh bang

      Wal-Mart is awesome. The entertainment value alone is worth it, and then there are the savings. Ohh Wal-Mart, with your three wolves shirt, Dale Earnhardt Jr. jacket, levi jeans combo outfit for $2.99, you complete me.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:31 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   T imo® bang

      Soda at work is $1.35 !
      WTF isn’t it normal to set the price in increments of .25?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.9   anglophile bang

      It’s the Colombian dime cartel, T imo. The long arm of Cartagena is long indeed.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:35 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.10   Neeners

      13.4 – I love the names of the pseudo sodas. Instead of Dr. Pepper you get Dr. Thunder for .50

      It almost tastes the same but you can still tell your getting substandard soda. I just try to tell myself if I’m good maybe tomorrow I’ll get a real soda.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Matthew

    Hilarious. Check out the notes that have been left in regards to the vending machine at where I work ;) http://www.flickr.com/photos/suomynona/sets/72157609039497242/

    Jul 28, 2009 at 12:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      I’m not going to look. There is a proper way to get notes posted on PAN.

      The other reason is that “at where I work ” gave me an eye ache.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:19 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   fluffy8u

      I was going to look, but then I read CB’s comment. How do you think we get notes to make fun of on here? The Passive Aggressive Fairy?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:28 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Geek Goddess

      I looked. I am surprised that Matthew can even manage to type anything at all with the tsunami-sized twitch he must have after working there. Dustin is probably all that is standing between him and a complete breakdown.

      And PAF to you too, Fluffy!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:35 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Canthz_B bang

      Damn! Now the secret is out about the PA Fairy. :-(

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   marx

      Well, now that it’s all out in the open, she did make that unitard look reeeeally good…

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   snee bang

      she?

      uh uh.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 4:06 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   anglophile bang

      Matthew, would you mind sending me a private message telling me where you work? I’m planning a trip to Seattle soon and would like to know where not to stay.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:11 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.8   Matthew

      Stay away from the 5 worst rated hotels and you’ll be fine. If you’re going to go super cheap, then stay at the 8th Ave Inn. They have A/C. Otherwise, be smart and do what Shatner says.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.9   Kookaburra

      Ha ha, my paying job is as a night auditor in a hotel… I feel for Dustin.

      But I gotta say, the first time my check is late/bounces I’m outta there.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:57 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.10   Bunnee

      GG, I looked, too. That hotel is a shithole! I especially like the note about the hooker arriving and when to start charging for 2 people. Hint: when you hear the screams coming from behind the paper-thin walls, you know they’re not reading that Bible!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:34 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Jo Ann v. bang

    That could be me !
    Well, I have my own stock at home, but I could totally write that since I am such a junkie !

    Jul 28, 2009 at 12:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   KatieMB

      Yep, Diet Coke junkie here! I had a vending machine mishap once. Once.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:51 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   T imo® bang

      That machine was never found again.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   KatieMB

      You know me so well, mi amore.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   T imo® bang

      Femme Fatale mio desidero essere parte di tutti i vostri crimini di passione.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Infadele. How many womens you say that to.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   KatieMB

      Mi amore – passion is no crime.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 2:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   T imo® bang

      Ma dolce bambina non possiamo andare d’accordo tutti? :wink: :twisted:

      Jul 28, 2009 at 2:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.8   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Il bugiardo, lo ha persino ha pensato ai bambini.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 2:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.9   T imo® bang

      Aieeeee! Lei mi ha pugnalato nel cuore. Senza di te non voglio vivere.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 2:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.10   oi bang

      mommmmmmmy!! They are practicing black magic, talking in tongues and killing dolls.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 2:45 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.11   MAMARILLA2 bang

      oh Timo, come potrei accendere senza qualcuno forte e muscolare quanto voi per tenerlo.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 2:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.12   T imo® bang

      Facciamo l’amore nel crepuscolo mio bel fiore notturno.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.13   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Sì, naturalmente, il mio soltanto amore. Come potrei pensare mai tali cose diaboliche alla vostra lealtà.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.14   Not Wade® bang

      Dimenticate che ora il mio amore. Indicare in modo dolci baci a che il vino si vergogna di essere sulle nostre labbra.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.15   MAMARILLA2 bang

      DAMN! *gasp,wheeze*

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.16   Not Wade® bang

      :grin:

      Jul 28, 2009 at 4:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.17   Meh bang

      Mama mia! pizza pie-a! meatball-a! frapachino!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.18   fluffy8u bang

      que?

      aaand that’s all I know.

      Jul 29, 2009 at 4:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    Not being a big fan of rat droppings, I don’t use vending machines that dispense cans.
    I prefer the bottle. *hic*

    Jul 28, 2009 at 1:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   fluffy8u

    @ the whole “not Coke” sign: Um, yes, those cans are Cokes. They’re just different variations of Coke produced by the Coke company. So actually, you sound pretty stupid. You don’t here me going up to an oak tree and saying “Hey, everybody! This is not a tree! No tree here!” do you? No. So shut up, drink your coke, and be grateful you have money to spend on cokes because there are some people in this country who don’t even have the money to buy cokes. Ingrate.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 1:26 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Canthz_B bang

      I was nearly run over by a big, red, Coca-Cola truck the other day.
      Imagine my poor mother’s shame if the authorities had to inform her that I was a victim of Coke!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:32 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   GK bang

      I didn’t have money to buy coke, but then I stole some from my grandmother. Problem solved.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:52 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   fluffy8u

      Earlier this morning, as I was making my way to class, I realized my comment was probably too angry to be taken as a joke. Sorry. I think it might have been the “ingrate” and the “people in this country blah blah blah” bit.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 5:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   Neeners

      Yea or cigarettes!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    Eternal damnation for putting soda cans in the wrong slot?
    I really need to read Exodus and Deuteronomy again!

    Jul 28, 2009 at 1:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   claw71 bang

      It’s in Leviticus. Right next to the stuff about gays burning in hell. Have you ever read that book? I think Leviticus was one insecure cocksucker. He was pretty bent out of shape over disrespectful kids, gays diet coke and the whole pop vs. soda debate. I also heard he preferred Fiddle Faddle to Cracker Jack. I guess he ate a sticker once.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:04 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   anglophile bang

      OK, now, Fiddle Faddle is way better than Cracker Jack. For one thing, toffee is better than caramel. For another thing, Fiddle Faddle popcorn is bigger and fluffier than Cracker Jack, and is stuck together in bigger clumps. For a third thing, Fiddle Faddle doesn’t tempt you with the hope that you will get a temporary tattoo or one of those little pictures that move when you tilt them only to crush your dreams with a crappy-ass miniature baseball card again and again.

      Down with Cracker Jack!

      The peanuts are always stale, besides.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:15 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Canthz_B bang

      As if you can find a peanut in Fiddle Faddle! Good luck!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   anglophile bang

      There’s at least three in every box!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:26 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Mark bang

      Crunch N Munch FTW!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:45 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I’m kinda partial to Screaming Yellow Zonkers.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   Geek Goddess

      *pictures MAMARILLA2 screaming, “Yellow Zonkers!”*

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.8   snee bang

      poppycock!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 4:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.9   Not Wade® bang

      ♥ snee

      Jul 28, 2009 at 4:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.10   Snippy

      Ay, poppycock!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 4:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Reibear

    One time my ex-roommate bought a pack of mini-coke zeros. I remembered that I used to love drinking coca cola, so I asked her very nicely for one, and she said yes! It tasted horrible, and I regretted it. But then again, I decided to buy myself a bottle of normal coca cola, and it also tasted bad! :{

    Jul 28, 2009 at 5:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   anglophile bang

      Look, I’m not feeling sorry for you. You obviously went on some holier-than-thou diet where you eschewed normal food like Coke, Doritos and Oreos. Of course they are all gross if you don’t keep your tastebuds in submission. Everything comes with a price, man.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:00 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   KatieMB

      Glo’s on a roll today, and I LIKE IT!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   mamason bang

      Yes and it’s a delicious, fresh out of the oven yeast roll.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 5:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Geek Goddess

      Would she like a coke to wash it down?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 6:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   oi!

      that’s what she said

      Jul 28, 2009 at 7:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   fantasy bang

    Well, could you imagine the hell, uproar and eternal damnation back in 1903 when they took the actual Coke *as in coca-cocaine* out of the mix?

    There is a special place in Hell that awaits those that took it upon themselves, I think it may be in the inner circle of Hell. It has something to do with trying to make the world a “better” place, Ha!

    It is Harmony Hell.

    Yeah, go ahead and try to teach the world to sing! You will go to Hell, I hear no one sings in Hell.

    *I’d like to buy the world a Coke*

    The world was singing along just fine before 1903.

    It has not been “The Real Thing” ever,ever again, so sad.

    Now, it truly is, Coke Zero.

    ……….and Baby Jesus cried.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 6:54 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Canthz_B bang

      Changing the formula of Coca-Cola is un-American.
      A guy can’t even remove the paint from his own car anymore!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   claw71 bang

      All of this is true. The cocaine is gone. They took it out long before I had a chance to enjoy it. And you can’t strip paint anymore. Of course the new artificial sweeteners are making good on one long debunked urban legend: a Coke Zero douche will terminate an unwanted pregnancy.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   claw71 bang

    Some of the newer machines are a little tricky. Once you crack those bad boys open it’s easy to lose track of which slot is actuated by which button. I wouldn’t go so far as to call the vending machine guy evil for stocking Diet Coke in the Cherry Coke slot. Accidents happen and you can usually find somebody willing to buy the unwanted Coca Cola product from you so that you can roll the dice on another button.

    Now if you end up with Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pibb, that’s just heinous. Although I will give the makers of Dr. Pepper some credit: there is no difference between their regular and diet versions. They both taste like prune-infused crow shit.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 8:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Canthz_B bang

      Oh, I’m not stepping on Mr. Pibb’s toes again. That day will forever live in my memory!

      Mr. Pibb is the greatest thing since sliced bread!
      There, you folks happy now?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   claw71 bang

      Fuck Mr. Pibb. If you’re going to cost me a buck and taste like the chemical solution they put in the tanks of port-a-potties then we need to be on a first name basis. I don’t care if your cousin got his degree and insists on being called a doctor, you’re just a can of fucking pop. (That’s right, bitches, I said pop. I grew up in Cleveland, so sue me.) So stop being all high falutin’ and tell me your name.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:08 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   anglophile bang

      It’s Melvin. Melvin Pibb.

      Are you happy now?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:20 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   T imo® bang

      Melvin Throatwarbler Mangrove Pibb III

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:33 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.5   anglophile bang

      You’re a very silly man, T imo.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.6   park rose bang

      imho.

      cute with it though ;)

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Esquire.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.8   T imo® bang

      I see your cute and raise you this.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.9   park rose bang

      Damn! I thought it was going to be a link to your kilt.
      You know, I raise your kilt and see you’re rising cutely, or acutely, all things considered (especially yours ;) ).

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.10   Mark bang

      Kevin Phillips BONG

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.11   NewMoon bang

      Did someone say “kilt?”

      Wakes up suddenly, I’ll have a coke!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.12   oi bang

      huh! I never thought I would agree with Claw. He got my feelings for dr. pepper verbatim.
      Just thought of it makes me sick.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.13   claw71 bang

      oi, a lot of people say those very words. That’s how it starts. First you say I never thought I’d agree with claw… then the next thing you know you’re tracking me down on facebook and trying to seduce me with pictures of your kids at the waterpark. Wet, slippery kids in ill-fitting swimwear. Teeth chattering and boogers slowly bubbling from their nostrils–but they won’t admit they’re cold, will they? Not as long as the Super Slide’s open.

      That’s how it’s been for everybody.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:17 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.14   oi bang

      look Claw I haven’t got time for poor black guy. And if you try to seduce me by disgusting me…
      well you are a charmer if you got a Ferrari GTO.
      and you want jewish granny to make your boring life exciting and worth living.
      call me.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.15   KatieMB

      Alls I need is an ice cold Diet Coke…. and seduction complete!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   situational lefty

    It would have been really messed up if they had pressed the Coke Zero button and gotten a Crystal Pepsi instead.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 9:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   park rose bang

      Or crystal menthe.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   T imo® bang

      Or the Green fairy.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   NewMoon bang

      Creme de Men.

      Wakes up suddenly, I’ll have a coke!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Winon

    For those of us who literally cannot have Nutrasweet/aspartame (well, unless I want a mind-blowing migraine for a whole day), it truly could be dangerous, and not just a “oh, I was looking forward to a Cherry Coke” type of thing. Sigh.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 10:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   GhostWriter bang

      A Coke Zero will give you a mind-blowing migraine for a whole day? I may try it this weekend, in place of the ‘shrooms.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   anglophile bang

      As a former sufferer of mind-blowing migraines, I felt some solidarity with you, Winon, but then you went and called it “dangerous”. Because (a) migraines suck, and are terrible, but they are not life-threatening, and (b) if you get a diet Coke when you wanted a Cherry Coke, no one’s forcing you to drink it. Take some personal responsibility.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 10:56 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   aaa

      Migraines can so be dangerous. Unless you’re telling me you’ve never had the overwhelming desire to set everything (your head included) on fire whilst in the grips of a Badass Migraine. :O

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   KatieMB

      Oh yeah, I’ve had an overwhelming desire to set everything on fire, but then I finally got thru the line at Walmart, sucked down my Diet Coke and all was right with the world again.

      Did I mention? Never to Walmart do I go.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.5   Canthz_B bang

      You can lead a migraine sufferer to Diet Coke, but he’s asking for it if he drinks.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 7:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   GhostWriter bang

    One time I pushed the button for an Orange Fanta, and a can of Freon came out.

    It was actually a better deal.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 10:18 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   GhostWriter bang

    If you drink your Coke fast, you’ll feel the Rush…

    There is unrest in the breakroom
    There is trouble with the drinks
    For the people want Coke Classic
    But the cooler plays high jinx

    There’s trouble with the sodas
    they’re dispensing not quite right
    Just say you want to choose a Pepsi
    Well, you might get Diet Sprite
    But if you really want Coke Zero
    Then you’ll have to play the game
    Pick a number- push the button
    The product never is the same.

    There is trouble in the breakroom
    Where a somber note’s displayed
    As the author screams ‘Oppression!’
    When she gets a Minutemaid.

    So the drinkers tipped it over
    And absconded with the drinks
    ‘Them folks were just too greedy
    Wonder if they’ll give ‘em back?’
    Now there’s no more Coke dispenser
    For they pulled it from the hall
    And the throngs of thirsty people
    Buy fridgepaks, one and all.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 11:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Meesh

      Yay Rush!

      Jul 29, 2009 at 9:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   aaa

    The only beverage worth drinking that’s produced by the Coca-Cola Company is Mello Yello, and that’s woefully underrated. That shit’s fucking magical.

    So, um, I guess these heathens should repent and turn their back on Coke and Not Coke and accept the One True Beverage into their hearts. I guess.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 11:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   park rose bang

      Dame Edna Beverage -I think is the One True Beverage we should accept into our gladioli- lined hearts.
      aaa are you suggesting we should all be drinking Vegemite shakes?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   aaa

      That beverage is a False Beverage and must be Struck Down with the force of the One True Beverage!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      The Carbonati have been secretly working toward the end days of One True Beverage..They have their minions strategically placed.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:41 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   Mark bang

      fnord

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   T imo® bang

      Verily I say unto you there will come a day when a great battle shall be waged between the one true beverage and the anti-beverage. The ice cubes shall be cast before ye and those that walk upright in true refreshment shall be quenched.
      amen

      Jul 28, 2009 at 11:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   KatieMB

      I look forward to the … ah … quenching.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   claw71 bang

    As the only black man on this board I have to voice my displeasure with the fact that a brotha can’t find a damn Faygo machine up in here. I want some Red Pop, motha fucka! And where the grape, bitch? If you can’t give me some Red Pop you can at least hook me up with some grape. Racists! I’m calling Al Sharpton.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 12:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   oi bang

      As the only Jewish 80 yrs old granny on this board I have to voice my displeasure too. I want coconut and mango infused green tea snapple from this machine.
      and what’s that big dirty dark man doing here making my aura unkosher. shoosh. be away.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:26 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   T imo® bang

      They have orange crush in here and Fanta grape. Then those are in the machine in the back of the building by the janitor’s closets.
      Curtis Sliwa wants to talk about the wrongness of this on Larry King but what does he know?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 12:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   Kelly

      I bought a Faygo red pop at Sheetz the other day. I was broke and it was cheap.

      No point to that story, it was just the first time I’d ever tried Faygo, so it seemed coincidental to read about it here a couple of days later.

      I should really just not post this comment, as it’s unbelievably boring.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 1:25 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   situational lefty

      They put Red Pop in baby bottles here in Michigan.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 5:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.5   Canthz_B bang

      That’s Ripple, not Red Pop.
      It helps baby sleep through the night…and the day…and grammar school…

      Jul 28, 2009 at 7:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.6   Canthz_B bang

      claw, you missed da memo. We’ins goes scrate to da Prezdent now!
      Right on, Brotha Gates!!

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   robyn

    {raises hand} can I have the diet coke?

    Jul 28, 2009 at 2:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   asdf

    asdfasdf

    Jul 28, 2009 at 2:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   qwerty bang

      qwertyqwerty

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   Not Wade® bang

      Poiuypoiuy?

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   Mark bang

      aoeuidhtns

      Ha! I out-geeked Geek Goddess! :D

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:19 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   Geek Goddess

      dvorak

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   Geek Goddess

      It’s really not all that hard to do, Mark.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 6:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.6   Snippy

      …and neither is the goddess. ;)

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.7   park rose bang

      In your dreams, I’d say, ole Snip.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 8:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.8   not me!

      lkjhgfdsa

      wow, that sounds dirty

      Jul 28, 2009 at 9:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Hamwallet

    Damn tasty.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 3:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   oi bang

      Your use of thesaurus won’t save you from punishment. ok? you’ll still have to wear a florescent orange leotard.

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Geek Goddess

      *florescent orange not original color to garment, but caused by complex chemical reaction between certain unidentified stains and the synthetic fabric

      Jul 28, 2009 at 3:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Lily

    75 cents for a soda?! Where is this magical place? Soda where I’m from is at the least $1.75 from a machine.

    Dang.

    Jul 28, 2009 at 4:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   James

    I can actually relate to the second note. If I want some HFCS Cherry goodness and I end up getting a cancerous shit-tasting beverage instead, I’m liable to make some heads roll.

    Jul 29, 2009 at 4:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Beth

    It took our office three months of nagging to get the Coke guy to put the Sprite ($1.25) and the water ($2.00) in their correct spots. Co-workers were getting really pissy about spending the extra $.75 for their sugar high, and about still getting water when they hit the Sprite button after each re-stock. I understand things like that happen all over our campus.

    Maybe it’s time to switch the contract to Pepsi.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 8:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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