Entries from August 2009
Today’s post is dedicated to the dirty minds in the department of double entendres. (Hey there, commenters!)
The first note, as spotted by Dana in San Francisco, needs no further introduction.
Next up: Michelle in Orlando says this note was posted on the employee mailboxes at the theme park where she works. “Our uniforms include a vest made of wool,” Michelle explains, “and when the vests get wet they smell (fittingly) like wet animal.”
related: covering all the bases
Tags: double-entendre alert · heart · office · p.s. · sad face · smiley · stealing · thanks (but not really)
Writes Marni in Brooklyn: “We tried this restaurant back when they first opened. The food was pretty bad, it took forever to arrive, and I believe our waitress quit or was fired (either way, there was some yelling) during our meal.
“Many gimmicks involving morning coffee were attempted, but the signage made the food look really unappealing, the type of cuisine was unclear, and there are so many restaurants in Park Slope that if you can’t stand out for good reasons, you’re just not going to succeed. Trying to make the neighborhood feel guilty about it ain’t gonna work.”
Of course, that doesn’t mean they won’t try!
Another small business CLOSED FOR GOOD, as spotted by the ulterior epicure in Lawrence, Kansas:
And by Erich in London, Ontario:
And in Tyler, Texas:
related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s
Tags: guilt trip · restaurant · retail hell · thanks (but not really)
This restroom sign from Baton Rouge, Louisiana manages to combine variations on two of the genre’s most irritating cliches — the rhyme that must be flushed and the clip art that must be stopped…with some additional ridiculous floral clip art thrown in for good measure.
And yet, somehow, this note manages to offend me even more. I don’t think I’ll look at cupcakes the same way again.
related: the “your mother doesn’t work here” of the hospitality industry
extra credit: “it’s your birthday and we do give a shit”
Tags: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · exclamation-point happy!!!! · spelling and grammar police · toilet
Seriously, how much do you want to _____ this guy in the _____ right now? (you fill in the blank)
Next year, I think this guy and this girl should collaborate on a gigantic fucking birthday pity party.
related: you know, I’m getting input here that is relatively hostile
extra credit: Facebook is for narcissists
Tags: birthday · Facebook · guilt trip · just not that into you · most popular notes of 2009
Based on this Valentine — found by Matthew at his share house in London — I am citing Jane with a serious “misuse of mixtape” violation. (And “by the way,” talk about burying the lead!)
Jane, minxes like you are what keep the Seth Cohen/Landry Clarks of the world pining away for the unattainable Summer Roberts/Tyra Collettes of the world instead of making a go of it with the smart, punky, emotionally available girl with cute glasses who is so clearly the better choice. I reserve judgment on Gareth only because this note was found abandoned in a share house he no longer lives in, rather than being pressed into a scrapbook somewhere. Let’s hope he’s moved on from his infatuation with this unemployed little cock-tease.
related: Textbook Dmitri
Tags: burying the lead · have a nice day · heart · mean girls · signed with love
Sarah in San Francisco convinced her friend Tim to take a photo of this note, the third in a series of progressively sterner notes that has appeared in his office restroom.
Writes Sarah: “I am a fan of, inter alia, the fact that the author ‘buries the lead’ in the p.s. in the middle; the phrase ‘do not leave with the toilet paper,’ as if it’s something you pick up at a bar and take home before the beer goggles wear off; the statement that toilet paper ‘belongs to the public,’ like the state’s natural resources; and of course, the threat to make the perpetrator pay…and more.”
Meanwhile, this note from Jen in Richmond, B.C. is both more specific and more puzzling.
I mean, subbing paper towels for TP, I understand…you gotta do what you gotta do when your rations run out. But drying your hands with toilet paper? Really, comrades?
related: five approaches to TP maintenance
Tags: not-so-veiled threats · p.s. · stealing · toilet paper
K, so, we’ve all seen a million notes like this…
(Check out that sad little orphan S!)
…but it actually takes a real mother to poke a hole in that logic.
related: Your mother doesn’t work here. Or here. Or here.
Tags: Moms & Dads · p.s. · signed with love · smiley · Your mother doesn't... · your/you're
This note, from Michelle in Denver, displays the remarkable lengths that some people will go to avoid confrontation.
“This bright-green gem wasn’t the only priceless thing visible,” Michelle says. “On the cubicle wall closest to the refrigerators was a camera…and it was actually connected to the computer and recording a live feed. This is why you don’t steal from the fridge when you work for a multimedia corporation!”
related: ABP on the V8
Tags: Denver · food · have a nice day · message to all intended for one · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · smiley
Are you enjoying the last few weeks of swimmin’ pool season, kids? Tom in Fayetteville, Arkansas was…until he saw the 11th commandment posted nearby.
And if that doesn’t make you want to suit up and dive in…
related: Maybe “no teenagers” would have been simpler
Tags: swimming pool · that's unsanitary
Alexandra in Renton, Washington received this invitation from a former supervisor at a hospital. “Rumors had been circulating that she and another supervisor had a personality clash, and then recently an e-mail was distributed indicating that her position had been terminated.”
The invitation gets off to a roaring start with the mention of “12 years, the first ten of them terrific,” and the “come hear all about it” seems to portend some seriously juicy trash-talking. Says Alexandra: “I wouldn’t miss this party for the world.”
related: You were warned never to push Carrie to the limits
Tags: farewell letter · fired · fun with malapropisms · Washington state