shortly after the birth of her new nephew (a.k.a “gee-gee-boo”, liz in waltham, mass. received this note (channeling grandmothers everywhere) from the precocious 7-year-old daughter of her other sister. writes liz: “i love that she is simultaneously trying to guilt trip me into having a kid while not-so-subtly hinting that baby g should move up to the boston area.”
meanwhile, an eight-year-old in san marcos, california is also finding a good use for those “friendly letter” skills he learned in school.
related: p.p.s. do you really have a belly like a bowl full of jelly?
87 responses so far ↓
#1
eddy
I don’t quite understand the first one…but I like the cut of Matt’s jib in the second one!
Aug 3, 2009 at 8:47 pm rating: +23
#2
Spike Nesmith
His curly Gs are hypnotising me. I feel an overwhelming desire to go and watch Ben 10 and listen to the Black Eye Peas now.
Aug 3, 2009 at 8:52 pm rating: +3
#3
famous_lizzy
I like to think that Hailey is channeling Liz’s mother. Maybe Grandma put Hailey up to writing the note, promising fun times if more cousins showed up.
At least someone got something out of those letter writing lessons. Although I’m a little disappointed the date and salutation don’t exactly meet up. I give it a B.
Aug 3, 2009 at 8:53 pm rating: +4
#4
Feh
I don’t know Matt, but I can already tell that I would hate that whiney, scapegoating little bastard.
Aug 3, 2009 at 9:03 pm rating: +5
#5
leftfoot
when a 7 year old starts demanding that i have a baby, that’s when I stop calling my family.
Aug 3, 2009 at 9:05 pm rating: +47
#6
leftfoot
matt in 30 years:
Dear Chloe,
NICE GOING GIVING ME HERPES EARLIER!!!
Sincerely,
Matt
Aug 3, 2009 at 9:06 pm rating: +44
#7
lightspeed
gee gee boo? Seriously?
Aug 3, 2009 at 9:23 pm rating: +14
#8
situational lefty
Hailey,
You are a great niece. But being witness to your precocious little antics and Gee Gee Boo’s crying bouts that stretch for hours at a time has rendered me mentally, if not physically sterile. I would really like to not have someone like you around for the next 18 years.
Love, Aunt Liz
Aug 3, 2009 at 9:25 pm rating: +42
#9
Wade
July 27, 2009
Dean Chloe: Well, well, well. Looks like somebody forgot there’s a rule against passing notes in class!
Matt: What a tool.
Dean Chloe: I didn’t get that, son, what was that?
Matt: Uh, I said, “What a shame that a few bad apples have to spoil a good time for everyone by breaking the rules.”
Dean Chloe: Put a sock in it, boy, or else you’ll be outta here like shit through a goose.
Aug 3, 2009 at 9:41 pm rating: +6
#10
The Grammarphile
Ha! Matt gets an A+ in Sarcasm For Beginners.
Aug 3, 2009 at 10:11 pm rating: +25
#11
Julia
Yeah Chloe, it’s all your fault. I only put the toad in Susie’s backpack, but you’re the one who opened your BIG MOUTH!
Aug 3, 2009 at 10:27 pm rating: +4
#12
aaa
So, are we to assume that Hailey’s Aunts that do have Babies trump Aunts that not have Babies? If that’s the case, then it may mean that Hailey’s only trying to raise Liz’s status in the Hierarchy of Hailey’s Aunts. What a thoughtful gesture.
Aug 3, 2009 at 10:31 pm rating: +7
#13
mamason
All caps from Matt. He really was mad!
Aug 3, 2009 at 10:39 pm rating: +5
#14
Comment
Matt’s my boy. Look at all those exclamation marks! and the “sincerely” is a nice touch. He’s going to be a real dick in the office someday.
Aug 3, 2009 at 11:00 pm rating: +31
#15
junkbox
Good show Matt.
And yes he is a scapegoating little bastard.
Say Hi to your Mom for me.
Aug 3, 2009 at 11:06 pm rating: +4
#16
Sailor
Fuck me sideways
Aug 3, 2009 at 11:31 pm rating: 0
#17
aaa
“But me and you wish you had a baby like Gee Gee boo.”
Of course you want a baby, Liz. All uterused humans want to have a baby. You just haven’t opened your mind to this internal biological truth yet. It’s kinda sad that a seven-year-old has figured this out before you have. Get with the program and get reproducing!
Aug 3, 2009 at 11:36 pm rating: +14
#18
aaa
On the plus side, Matt’s spelling and grammar in this note are impeccable. Not bad for an eight-year-old, especially when there are so many PANs (supposedly) written by adults with completely fucked up English.
Aug 3, 2009 at 11:43 pm rating: +23
#19
Brown
Are you a professional journalist? You write very well.
Aug 3, 2009 at 11:51 pm rating: +1
#20
Geek Goddess
Dear, PANians
GIGGLEBRAX FAIL!!!!!!
Sincerely, Geek
Aug 4, 2009 at 12:27 am rating: +6
#21
fluffy8u
“But me and you wish you had a baby like Gee Gee Boo.”
‘You and me’ kid, ‘you and me.’ Put other people first, it’s polite. However, in this sentence, it should read “I know that you, like me, wish you had a baby like Gee Gee Boo.” There. Now doesn’t that sound better?
Aug 4, 2009 at 1:05 am rating: +2
#22
fluffy8u
Matt, you must be really stressed. Don’t push down on your pencil so hard.
And in The Art of the Personal Letter: A Guide to Connecting Through the Written Word, it’s stated that one should never write on lined paper or in pencil. You should also try fleshing out the letter more, ask Chloe how her invisible friend is doing or share your sympathies over her broken Barbie with her. A little sugar will go a long way with the ladies, Matt. Remember that.
Aug 4, 2009 at 1:16 am rating: +14
#23
Brittany
OMG! The second note made my whole day!
Aug 4, 2009 at 1:21 am rating: +3
#24
mere
i’m more impressed with matt’s penmanship. he has better handwriting than most. i’m sure chloe will ruin that as well.
Aug 4, 2009 at 9:49 am rating: +3
#25
GhostWriter
Isn’t it obvious?
Hailey is goading Liz into kidnapping Gee Gee boo.
Aug 4, 2009 at 10:04 am rating: +9
#26
Canaduck
Both of these letters remind me why I love children, but really REALLY don’t want any of my own.
Aug 4, 2009 at 5:31 pm rating: +7
#27
Gee Gee boo
waaaaaah!
Aug 4, 2009 at 5:56 pm rating: +4
#28
Canthz_B
It’s taken Matt eight years to figure out that girls tattle?
Time for a little developmental testing!
Aug 4, 2009 at 7:59 pm rating: 0
#29
Canthz_B
Wow, kids today write PA notes. In my day Chloe would have had her books pushed out of her arms and been punched in the shoulder!
Zero tolerance has been Hell on the love-tap.
Aug 4, 2009 at 8:07 pm rating: +2
#30
Delurker
As an 8th grade English teacher, all I can say is Matt is my hero. I wish he hadn’t put the comma after the “Dear,” but that could be beaten out of him in time. Sadly, that letter is far better constructed than the letters written by my students with the directions on the overhead and me breathing down their necks “NO, DON’T PUT THE COMMA THERE!” sigh
Aug 4, 2009 at 8:48 pm rating: +6
#31
Gaby
I like how Matt curls his G’s. That kid’s got style.
Aug 5, 2009 at 5:18 am rating: +2
#32
Scribbles the Monkey
Usually when people salute with “sincerely,” they don’t really mean it. In Matt’s case, though, I believe that was a very honest closing.
Aug 6, 2009 at 12:19 pm rating: 0
#33
Sincerely, Matt
I’ll just keep putting exclamation marks after the word “EARLIER” until I run of room on that line. That will show her just how mad I am!
Aug 7, 2009 at 7:33 pm rating: 0
#34
G Specialst
Clearly, Matt has malformed the letter “G” to subtly represent the number “6″. It’s no coincidence that the letter “G” shows up three times, ergo 666, which is Matt’s way of telling Chloe that she is actually Satan.
Aug 7, 2009 at 8:02 pm rating: 0
#35
Minerva
Funny, when I was a kid my favorite aunt was the one without a baby. I thought her life was way cooler than the married-with-children ones.
I am proud to say, I grew up to be just like her. Someone should tell Hailey when she gets a little older that having kids should be a choice and not an obligation.
Aug 8, 2009 at 2:45 pm rating: +4
#36
Joanna
chloe – oh no you didn’t.
Aug 11, 2009 at 9:21 pm rating: 0
#37
allison
it’s adorable how matt is using this letter to figure out how to write capital G’s…
Aug 23, 2009 at 12:08 am rating: 0
#38 takashi murakami meets lilly pulitzer meets “no cuts, no buts, no coconuts”
[...] related: startin’ young [...]
Sep 22, 2009 at 9:01 am rating: 0
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