Startin’ young

August 3rd, 2009 · 87 comments

Shortly after the birth of her new nephew (a.k.a “Gee-Gee-Boo”), Liz in Waltham, Mass. received this note (channeling grandmothers everywhere) from the precocious 7-year-old daughter of her other sister. Writes Liz: “I love that she is simultaneously trying to guilt trip me into having a kid while not-so-subtly hinting that Baby G should move up to the Boston area.”

Liz you are the Best aunt that does not have a baby.

Meanwhile, an eight-year-old in San Marcos, California is also finding a good use for those “friendly letter” skills he learned in school.

Dear Chloe, NICE GOING GETTING ME IN TROUBLE EARLIER!!!!!!!! Sincerely, Matt

related: P.P.S. do you really have a belly like a bowl full of jelly?

FILED UNDER: family · guilt trip · kids · signed with love


87 responses so far ↓

  • #1   eddy

    I don’t quite understand the first one…but I like the cut of Matt’s jib in the second one!

    Aug 3, 2009 at 8:47 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   mamason bang

      Perv.

      Aug 3, 2009 at 10:47 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   zebra

      Then you’re lucky… wait until you are older and don’t have children! Then you’ll learn EVERYONE pressures you to have them, whether you want them or not! (As if its any of their business!!!)

      Aug 4, 2009 at 9:19 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   zonkey bang

      zebra,
      you got it good,
      you don’t know how good you got it,
      you got it easy,
      you don’t know when you got it good.

      Try being a zonkey *sigh*
      Sarah had more chance of conceiving than I.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 9:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   stephizzal

      zebra, i hear ya.

      i think the thing that bothers me most is how righteous they get over it. whereas i personally think there’s something quite morally wrong about encouraging people who don’t want children to have them… i mean i know its not the same, but you wouldn’t tell someone to adopt a dog if they really didn’t want to…and a baby is about a thousand times more work… just sayin’

      Aug 4, 2009 at 1:13 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   park rose

      a.k.a. zonkey

      Sorry, stephizzal,

      It was an attempt at being a bit tongue in cheek, what with the Nik Kershaw lyrics and all . It obviously didn’t come across that way. I’d be the last person to be encouraging women to have kids if they didn’t want to have them.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 7:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   anglophile bang

      *wonders when park rose is going to hurry up and have that baby already*

      You’re not getting any younger, you know!

      Aug 4, 2009 at 8:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   park rose bang

      Don’t you speak to me in that tone of voice, young lady. I’m old enough to be your barren, spinster, crazy cat lady, great aunt. Respect where respect is due!

      Oh, and don’t think you’re getting any if you keep your insolence up. Bah. Kids today.

      And, back on topic, how’s that uterus of yours going? Fallopian tubes still popping eggs out monthly?

      Aug 4, 2009 at 8:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   anglophile bang

      My fallopian tubes are none of your business, and only the lowest of the low would rub in the fact that I’m a barren, spinster, crazy cat lady aunt.

      Now, please excuse me, I have to wash my decorative handtowels.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 8:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   dorkahontas bang

      Two things:
      1. park rose: seeing those Nik Kershaw lyrics made me giggle. I’d totally forgotten about that song!
      B. The rose and anglophile exchange reminded me an awful lot of my sister. She’s asked me if I can feel my ovaries withering away, if I ever wonder who’s going to take care of me when I get old…heifer seems to be obsessed with my girly parts. My response: no, but I can totally see me giving her a superduper atomic wedgie and duct taping the waistband of her ‘roos to her forehead.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 9:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Spike Nesmith

    His curly Gs are hypnotising me. I feel an overwhelming desire to go and watch Ben 10 and listen to the Black Eye Peas now.

    Aug 3, 2009 at 8:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   famous_lizzy

    I like to think that Hailey is channeling Liz’s mother. Maybe Grandma put Hailey up to writing the note, promising fun times if more cousins showed up.

    At least someone got something out of those letter writing lessons. Although I’m a little disappointed the date and salutation don’t exactly meet up. I give it a B.

    Aug 3, 2009 at 8:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   TheOldSchool

      Dear Hailey,

      The next time you want to tell me to “get fucked,” just come out and say it.

      Liz

      Aug 4, 2009 at 12:56 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   zebra

      I’m sure it was both of them to be honest. People have a way of ganging up on those who don’t follow the mainstream crowd. Or, even if they do, if they don’t follow on society’s timeline and not their own!

      Aug 4, 2009 at 9:25 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   C.S. Harmonikah

      I like that the “best aunt that does not have a baby” passive aggressively deems her the least favorite aunt.
      It’s like “dude, you are my best friend…in town…that i work with….with a beard…..named Dave.”

      Aug 4, 2009 at 11:06 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   BeardedDave

      Screw you, C.S. Screw you.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 9:13 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   TheOtherBeardedDave bang

      Hey, at least you are his best friend…in town…that he works with….with a beard…..named Dave.

      Where does that leave me?

      Screw you both!

      Aug 4, 2009 at 9:38 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   as of two weeks ago, clean-shaven dave bang

      And me? I guess you only like the beardy-weirdies.

      Screw the three of yah!

      Aug 4, 2009 at 9:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   dorkahontas bang

      “Best aunt that does not have a baby” is a little like, “hey, your hair looks really good in the front!”

      Aug 4, 2009 at 9:56 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Feh

    I don’t know Matt, but I can already tell that I would hate that whiney, scapegoating little bastard.

    Aug 3, 2009 at 9:03 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   TheOldSchool

      1. Pinpoint his school’s location.

      2. Fly in 30 or 40 of PAN’s strongest brawlers to be there at the closing bell.

      3. Then teach the little note-passing wise ass a lesson.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 1:07 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   TheOldSchool

      Make it 40 or 50 brawlers, just to be on the safe side.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 1:10 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   leftfoot

    when a 7 year old starts demanding that i have a baby, that’s when I stop calling my family.

    Aug 3, 2009 at 9:05 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   leftfoot

    matt in 30 years:

    Dear Chloe,

    NICE GOING GIVING ME HERPES EARLIER!!!

    Sincerely,
    Matt

    Aug 3, 2009 at 9:06 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   sKate

      Well that’s a little uncomfortable considering Matt and Chloe are brother and sister… I guess a little more back story would have helped. ;)

      Aug 3, 2009 at 11:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   R.M.

      More like Matt in ten years.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 12:13 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   notolaf

      You’ve got your comma in the wrong place to be Matt.

      Aug 7, 2009 at 3:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   lightspeed

    gee gee boo? Seriously?

    Aug 3, 2009 at 9:23 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Maas

      Plenty of people named Gee Gee Boo have accomplished impressive things, like… Gee Gee Boo the Great of… Um… Liechtenstein?

      Aug 3, 2009 at 11:26 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   situational lefty

    Hailey,

    You are a great niece. But being witness to your precocious little antics and Gee Gee Boo’s crying bouts that stretch for hours at a time has rendered me mentally, if not physically sterile. I would really like to not have someone like you around for the next 18 years.

    Love, Aunt Liz

    Aug 3, 2009 at 9:25 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   park rose

      As a great-niece, surely Aunt Liz is beyond the age of reproduction anyway?

      *just being deliberately obtuse*

      Aug 4, 2009 at 2:44 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   situational lefty

      Better than being deliberately acute… :)

      Aug 4, 2009 at 11:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   T imo® bang

      Once on safari in Africa I shot a Hypotenuse!

      Aug 4, 2009 at 4:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Wade bang

    July 27, 2009

    Dean Chloe: Well, well, well. Looks like somebody forgot there’s a rule against passing notes in class!

    Matt: What a tool.

    Dean Chloe: I didn’t get that, son, what was that?

    Matt: Uh, I said, “What a shame that a few bad apples have to spoil a good time for everyone by breaking the rules.”

    Dean Chloe: Put a sock in it, boy, or else you’ll be outta here like shit through a goose.

    Aug 3, 2009 at 9:41 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   The Grammarphile

    Ha! Matt gets an A+ in Sarcasm For Beginners.

    Aug 3, 2009 at 10:11 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Julia

    Yeah Chloe, it’s all your fault. I only put the toad in Susie’s backpack, but you’re the one who opened your BIG MOUTH!

    Aug 3, 2009 at 10:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   aaa

    So, are we to assume that Hailey’s Aunts that do have Babies trump Aunts that not have Babies? If that’s the case, then it may mean that Hailey’s only trying to raise Liz’s status in the Hierarchy of Hailey’s Aunts. What a thoughtful gesture.

    Aug 3, 2009 at 10:31 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   mamason bang

    All caps from Matt. He really was mad!

    Aug 3, 2009 at 10:39 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   RandyinReno

      Ah, but his salutation and closing are the proper mix of upper case and lower case.

      He may be mad, but he knows his elements of style.

      Aug 3, 2009 at 10:48 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   C.S. Harmonikah

      All caps and exclamation mark abuse.
      So young, and he already embodies everything i hate.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 11:01 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   T imo® bang

      Has a PAN style book been published?

      Kerry I hear opportunity knocking for a sequel!

      Aug 4, 2009 at 4:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Comment

    Matt’s my boy. Look at all those exclamation marks! and the “sincerely” is a nice touch. He’s going to be a real dick in the office someday.

    Aug 3, 2009 at 11:00 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   junkbox bang

    Good show Matt.
    And yes he is a scapegoating little bastard.

    Say Hi to your Mom for me.

    Aug 3, 2009 at 11:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Sailor

    Fuck me sideways

    Aug 3, 2009 at 11:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   aaa

      No thanks. Everybody knows that sailors all have VD.

      Aug 3, 2009 at 11:37 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   T imo® bang

      Dirty buggers a girl in every port and any old port in a storm…

      Aug 4, 2009 at 4:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   aaa

    “But me and you wish you had a baby like Gee Gee boo.”

    Of course you want a baby, Liz. All uterused humans want to have a baby. You just haven’t opened your mind to this internal biological truth yet. It’s kinda sad that a seven-year-old has figured this out before you have. Get with the program and get reproducing!

    Aug 3, 2009 at 11:36 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   aaa

    On the plus side, Matt’s spelling and grammar in this note are impeccable. Not bad for an eight-year-old, especially when there are so many PANs (supposedly) written by adults with completely fucked up English.

    Aug 3, 2009 at 11:43 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   junkbox bang

      it’s the SoCal schooling system that’s really to be commended here.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 12:04 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   jadefirefly

      My thoughts exactly. I know adults who can’t spell “sincerely”.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 2:24 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   KatieMB

      I know adults who can’t spell “you”. U know what I mean?

      Aug 4, 2009 at 6:23 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   park rose bang

      I no adultz… I tarzan!!!

      U Jane.

      (I beat chest, yodel like Austrian mountaineer in Sound of Music ).

      Aug 4, 2009 at 8:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Brown

    Are you a professional journalist? You write very well.

    Aug 3, 2009 at 11:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   aaa

      I bet you say that to all the bloggers.

      Aug 3, 2009 at 11:59 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Geek Goddess

      Dear, Brown

      NO I AM NOT. I AM IN GRADE THREE!!!!!!

      Sincerely, Matt

      Aug 4, 2009 at 12:29 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   zonkey bang

      I tarzan and zonkey…but I write well.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 9:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Geek Goddess

    Dear, PANians

    GIGGLEBRAX FAIL!!!!!!

    Sincerely, Geek

    Aug 4, 2009 at 12:27 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   park rose

      Dear Geek,

      NICE GOING CONFUSING ME AND GIGGLE-BRAX FAILING EARLIER, LAST THREAD AND THE THREAD BEFORE.

      Sincerely, rose.

      P.S. This is getting to be a worrisome habit, Geek.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 1:51 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   fluffy8u

      At least she’s doing it in style.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 2:12 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   fluffy8u

    “But me and you wish you had a baby like Gee Gee Boo.”

    ‘You and me’ kid, ‘you and me.’ Put other people first, it’s polite. However, in this sentence, it should read “I know that you, like me, wish you had a baby like Gee Gee Boo.” There. Now doesn’t that sound better?

    Aug 4, 2009 at 1:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   not me!

      Maybe it was a subconcious tribute to that song from the 70s: Me and You and a Dog Named Boo. Maybe grandma (or whoever put hailey up to this) had it playing in the background.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 6:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Snippy

      Good enough for me and Bobby McGee Gee Boo.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 8:20 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   Geek Goddess

      How do we know that they aren’t just claiming the dog, Gee Gee Boo, is their baby in order to take him onto the patio with them at Ronnie’s. Hey, don’t blame me!

      Aug 4, 2009 at 8:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   park rose bang

      Beware crazy ladies.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 8:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      He looks so cute in the little blue bonnet and booties.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   fluffy8u

    Matt, you must be really stressed. Don’t push down on your pencil so hard.

    And in The Art of the Personal Letter: A Guide to Connecting Through the Written Word, it’s stated that one should never write on lined paper or in pencil. You should also try fleshing out the letter more, ask Chloe how her invisible friend is doing or share your sympathies over her broken Barbie with her. A little sugar will go a long way with the ladies, Matt. Remember that.

    Aug 4, 2009 at 1:16 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Brittany

    OMG! The second note made my whole day!

    Aug 4, 2009 at 1:21 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   mamason bang

      Awww… slow week?

      Aug 4, 2009 at 3:19 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   TheOldSchool

      Mama, we can safely assume she’s having a slow day. That much is clear.

      I wouldn’t assume anything about the week, because today could just seem slow in comparison to the fast-paced, thrill-a-second revelry that took place on Sunday before extending into Monday.

      Brittany’s “OMG!” opening indicates to me that she may have just “come-to” after having been passed out for 12 hours or so. Her thighs are probably bruised and she’s either showering, or on her way to the drug store for some no-baby-insurance.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 4:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   mere bang

    i’m more impressed with matt’s penmanship. he has better handwriting than most. i’m sure chloe will ruin that as well.

    Aug 4, 2009 at 9:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   GhostWriter bang

    Isn’t it obvious?

    Hailey is goading Liz into kidnapping Gee Gee boo.

    Aug 4, 2009 at 10:04 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   kelli

      That’s exactly what I thought. Hailey isn’t happy with Gee Gee Boo and is trying to get aunt Liz to make him go away.

      Aug 4, 2009 at 2:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Canaduck

    Both of these letters remind me why I love children, but really REALLY don’t want any of my own.

    Aug 4, 2009 at 5:31 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Gee Gee boo

    waaaaaah!

    Aug 4, 2009 at 5:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Canthz_B bang

    It’s taken Matt eight years to figure out that girls tattle?
    Time for a little developmental testing!

    Aug 4, 2009 at 7:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Canthz_B bang

    Wow, kids today write PA notes. In my day Chloe would have had her books pushed out of her arms and been punched in the shoulder!
    Zero tolerance has been Hell on the love-tap.

    Aug 4, 2009 at 8:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Delurker

    As an 8th grade English teacher, all I can say is Matt is my hero. I wish he hadn’t put the comma after the “Dear,” but that could be beaten out of him in time. Sadly, that letter is far better constructed than the letters written by my students with the directions on the overhead and me breathing down their necks “NO, DON’T PUT THE COMMA THERE!” sigh

    Aug 4, 2009 at 8:48 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Gaby

    I like how Matt curls his G’s. That kid’s got style.

    Aug 5, 2009 at 5:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Scribbles the Monkey

    Usually when people salute with “sincerely,” they don’t really mean it. In Matt’s case, though, I believe that was a very honest closing.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 12:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Sincerely, Matt

    I’ll just keep putting exclamation marks after the word “EARLIER” until I run of room on that line. That will show her just how mad I am!

    Aug 7, 2009 at 7:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   G Specialst

    Clearly, Matt has malformed the letter “G” to subtly represent the number “6″. It’s no coincidence that the letter “G” shows up three times, ergo 666, which is Matt’s way of telling Chloe that she is actually Satan.

    Aug 7, 2009 at 8:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   G Specialst

      Apparently, I am too stupid to accurately count the number of malformed letter “G”s. There are, indeed, four of them. Perhaps Chloe is Super Satan, a.k.a. “6666″.

      Aug 7, 2009 at 9:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   Minerva

    Funny, when I was a kid my favorite aunt was the one without a baby. I thought her life was way cooler than the married-with-children ones.

    I am proud to say, I grew up to be just like her. Someone should tell Hailey when she gets a little older that having kids should be a choice and not an obligation.

    Aug 8, 2009 at 2:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   Joanna

    chloe – oh no you didn’t.

    Aug 11, 2009 at 9:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   allison

    it’s adorable how matt is using this letter to figure out how to write capital G’s…

    Aug 23, 2009 at 12:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   takashi murakami meets lilly pulitzer meets “no cuts, no buts, no coconuts”

    [...] related: startin’ young [...]

    Sep 22, 2009 at 9:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

Comments are Closed