Okay, now you’re just screwing with me

August 5th, 2009 · 129 comments

This is one of those notes I’ve spent far too long puzzling over. The frustratingly random capitalization, the misuse of/missing punctuation, the center justification, and of course, THE BOX. WHY THE BOX?

Who Broke the 8th commandment. My 2 Baby Ruth Candy Bars are missing

Sir/ma’am, I will gladly supply you with as many Baby Ruths as you can stuff down your gullet if you can reconstruct the thought process that led to this note.

related: and yet…the pink flowers?

FILED UNDER: candy · God · irregular capitalization · New York · office · stealing · WTF? · You call that punctuation?


129 responses so far ↓

  • #1   aaa

    Who failed English? Numerous English skills are missing.

    If you would have asked, I would have taught you grammar.

    Aug 5, 2009 at 11:13 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   snee bang

      it’s really not as good without the box.

      Aug 5, 2009 at 11:25 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   dorkahontas bang

      Puzzling. Random capitalization, bass-ackwards punctuation…and yet they did type “would have” instead of “would of”.

      Aug 5, 2009 at 11:31 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   aaa

      Yeah, I’m disappointed too. But I’m a Satan-worshiping cannibal heathen, so I’m not allowed to have boxes.

      Aug 5, 2009 at 11:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Canthz_B bang

      Cannibals.

      So you really believe in transmogrification, huh?

      Enjoy that wafer with wine chaser!

      Hey, if you put the wafer into the wine, like marshmallows in hot cocoa, do you get a Bloody Jesus?

      Why, you can have your Savior and eat him too!
      But I’ll stick to cake.

      Aug 5, 2009 at 11:44 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   aaa

      Naw, I just like enjoying the taste of human flesh while listening to black metal. I find Scandinavians are especially tasty while listening to this music. I like to have a theme going, y’know?

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   bean

      I believe it’s actually transubstantiation.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:23 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Canthz_B bang

      I believe it’s actually a sick notion no matter what you choose to call it.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:26 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   bean

      but if you’re gonna take it out and fuck with it, you might wanna actually know its name. Not judging, it just helps the awkward silence when it comes back for child support.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:30 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   Canthz_B bang

      The terms are both used, depending upon the faith.

      “In many Christian churches, the doctrine holding that the bread and wine of the Eucharist are transformed into the body and blood of Jesus”

      Note the use of the word “many” in this definition of “transubstantiation”, not the use of the word “all”.

      The term I used was used in my church growing up.

      Semantics…hardly ever a black and white thing, but I don’t recall saying that your term was invalid. In fact, I agree that it is a valid term…it doesn’t invalidate mine.

      Whatever they used to describe it in your church is fine with me.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   Canthz_B bang

      ROTFLOL…in fact, thinking back on my local school district, Sunday School was probably the only place I would have ever encountered the word “transmogrify”!! Hahahaha! :-D

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   park rose

      1.2
      Dorkahontas, they were so pleased with their use of ‘would have’ that they doubled up on it, as aaa points out at 1, I think.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.12   bean

      You know why I like you CB? You’re always ready to go tit for tat.

      transmogrification is shape shifting. transubstantiation is the complete encompassing of the eucharist with the spirit of christ, thereby becoming the body.

      I don’t know what sunday school you went to, but I don’t know of a single christian church that believe the eucharist actually changes shape. The Church of the Holy Werewolf? But I do know of churches that do not believe christ is actually in the bread, but the sacrament is an act of community within christ, etc etc. Meaning that MANY christian religions, but not all, believe in the transubstantiation.

      alright, Im out. I’ll dust off this soapbox in another six months or so; however long it takes to get my bf off WoW .L)

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:41 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.13   Canthz_B bang

      You don’t know me very well.
      I’m not always willing to go tit for tat.

      You have your view on the matter, and I have mine.

      Enjoy your doctrine.

      As for me, putting down your Sunday School is not the way I roll.

      It wouldn’t be very Christian of me.

      You see, while I no longer am a practitoner, I still believe in the values I learned.

      Remember that stuff about tolerance? Just because you don’t know of something, does not mean it does not exist.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.14   bean

      dammit! now Im a liar!

      I remember you better than you remember me, obviously. This thing is full of your pedanticisms for christ’s sake.

      btw, Im an atheist, don’t need to act christian. Fourteen years strong! I just studied religions. so enjoy being wrong, I was just trying to help. don’t know why. Im going to hell anyway!

      tolerance? of ignorance. nope, doesn’t ring a bell

      tea for two
      and two for tea
      tit for tat
      just you and me

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:07 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.15   Canthz_B bang

      Okay! LOL

      Have one on me! :-D

      Of course, none of what you said takes away the fact that I faithfully related the teachings that were given me, nor does it remove the fact that you don’t know all teachings.

      A little humility would do you a world of good.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:24 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.16   bean

      OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN!

      no more yea for more edit time! :P lol 5 seconds of sunshine, that’s all you gave me! alright. ill take it! tah

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:28 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.17   Canthz_B bang

      It’s been a pleasure! ;-)

      Would it be wrong of me to say, “Long time, no see, flightless bird.”?

      If not, we miss you! :-)

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.18   Canthz_B bang

      Just for the sake of bean’s faith in my tit for tat spirit:

      “Most Christians, even those who deny that there is any real change in the elements used, recognize a special presence of Christ in this rite (The Eucharist), though they differ about exactly how, where, and when Christ is present. Roman Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy teach that the consecrated elements truly become the body and blood of Jesus Christ. Transubstantiation is the metaphysical explanation given by Roman Catholics as to how this transformation occurs. Lutherans believe that the body and blood of Jesus are present “in, with and under” the forms of bread and wine, a concept known as the sacramental union. The Reformed churches, following the teachings of John Calvin, believe in a spiritual (or “pneumatic”) real presence of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit and received by faith. Anglicans adhere to a range of views although the Anglican church officially teaches the real presence. Some Christians reject the concept of the real presence, believing that the Eucharist is only a memorial of the death of Christ.

      Not that it matters to either of us non-believers either way, but “truly become the body and blood of Jesus Christ” = cannibalism if you believe that happens.

      The Lutheran interpretation, and those of other groups, above is markedly different from the Roman Catholic belief in transubstantiation.

      So, as I said…it all depends upon what you have been taught to believe.

      I’m not saying anyone is wrong…just that there happen to be differing views about basically the same concept.
      My only assertion was that we do not all use the same terminology, we are not all Roman Catholics…or even all Christians, for that matter.
      So sue me.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 4:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.19   GhostWriter bang

      If Sunday School is the only place you ever encountered the word “transmogrify”…then you aren’t keeping up on your Bill Watterson.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 10:48 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.20   amy d bang

      Also, Marvin the Martian from Buggs Bunny.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 11:17 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.21   Neeners

      I’m confused now, has a Baby Ruth replaced the body of Christ or not? If so yummy, I’m converted. Maybe Coke can replace the blood of Christ. Coke is it!

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:01 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.22   Geek Goddess

      You make Baby Ruth Jesus cry, comparing him to a candy bar.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.23   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I believe the accepted substitution for the blood of Christ in the south is Mountain Dew.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 4:06 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.24   bean

      one handed clap for CB!

      He sure can make a point; now if only he could stick to the topic of an argument.

      btw, what sect of christianity are Calvin and Hobbes?

      /my humility knows no bounds

      Aug 6, 2009 at 4:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.25   Canthz_B bang

      LOL, GW, I meant when I was a child…. too many years to think about before this particular Calvin came along! LOL

      Oldsters like me only go to that page of the paper for the crosswords! ROTFL

      Aug 7, 2009 at 1:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.26   Canthz_B bang

      Sorry about that, bean, but I did not try to change the topic, merely show that differing terminology is acceptable to explain a complicated point from differing points of view in a similar belief system.

      Which was my point all along…that your word was no more valid than mine because we are seeing this from different starting points.

      Can we get back to telling jokes now?

      Aug 7, 2009 at 1:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.27   bean

      I thought theology was a joke?

      I’ll tell ya what’s not a joke, instrument suicide pacts! Two snare drums and a cymbal run off a cliff, badum cha!

      no?

      /Ghost Writer, totally missed that 1.19. touche.

      Aug 7, 2009 at 2:13 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.28   Canthz_B bang

      That, we can agree upon!

      Cheers!

      Aug 7, 2009 at 2:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Spike Nesmith

    Isn’t the 7th commandment, “thou shalt use proper punctuation”?

    It bloody well should be.

    Aug 5, 2009 at 11:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   aaa

      I thought the ninth one was “Thou shalt not eat crappy candy bars like Baby Ruth.”

      Aug 5, 2009 at 11:27 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Canthz_B bang

    Did someone have to swear they had her permission to get her candy bar?

    Aug 5, 2009 at 11:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    If I’d have asked, you’d have given! Ha!

    I’ve seen how you treat the homeless dude in front of the building!

    Aug 5, 2009 at 11:31 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    It never ceases to amaze me that the people who get so pissed off about their pilfered sweets, are the ones who profess most loudly that they’d gladly give them away.

    Can’t they just pretend that they did something selfless and donated their candy to a diabetic in crisis?

    Aug 5, 2009 at 11:36 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Michelle S.

      “Can’t they just pretend that they did something selfless and donated their candy to a diabetic in crisis?”

      No, because the anonymity of that type of transaction does not allow the owner of the sweets to graciously condescend to the fortunate recipient while bathing in the smug glow of their openly charitable gesture.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:17 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   C.S. Harmonikah

      Yeah, I’m calling shenanigans on the generosity. Every PA note about food theft always says “I would have shared if you asked”

      Bullshit. It would have gone like this.
      “Steve. Can i have a candy bar?”
      “No. Fuck you. Buy your own candy bar cheap ass.”
      *under breath* “I should have just stolen the damn candy”

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:14 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Silhouette

    Before things get too complicated, let it be known that, to quote wikipedia, “Various religions parse the commandments differently.” The prohibition of stealing is the 8th commandment for some, the 7th for others.

    We thank you for your time and return you to your regularly scheduled snarking.

    Aug 5, 2009 at 11:37 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Canthz_B bang

      But, isn’t there only one “true religion”? 8-O

      Aug 5, 2009 at 11:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   endless questions

    Dumbass shouldn’t have been hoarding candy.

    She (and I KNOW it’s a woman) probably would have given them one, but then would’ve posted a note about how “OTHER PEOPLE should Get Their OWN candy To bring” or something.

    Aug 5, 2009 at 11:41 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Canthz_B bang

      With a shelf-life conservatively estimated at 82,000 years, Baby Ruth bars are tailor made for hoarding.

      Aug 5, 2009 at 11:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   aaa

      Twinkies are better for hoarding. They’re nuclear radiation-proof.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:19 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   derailer

      True story, my friend’s car caught fire on the shoulder of the highway… When we went to the garage he’d had it towed to to see if anything was salvageable, we found the interior completely incinerated. There were two oblong black lumps on the back-seat mat, which when examined were still golden cake with fluffy white cream under a thin layer of ash and crisped plastic wrap. Freakin’ CDs were melted into the carpet fiber inches away.
      Yeah, if the Nukes ever pop off, it’s all cockroaches and Twinkies for Mother Earth.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:32 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   C.S. Harmonikah

      That’s why if i survive the downfall of society i’m taking my family to the twinkie factory in Natick and starting a new society.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:21 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   T imo® bang

      Beware of Randy Newman!

      C.S. comin’ Lookin at the tree. Now looking at Randy and walking away…

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:24 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Silhouette

    The box is there to highlight its angelic willingness to share. It’s like a halo for its words

    Aug 5, 2009 at 11:48 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Andy

    I find the comments on these notes just as, if not more, entertaining than the notes themselves.

    Aug 5, 2009 at 11:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Canthz_B bang

      Most of them.

      Aug 5, 2009 at 11:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   thatjessicagirl bang

      Except that one…

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:51 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Andy

      Hi, welcome to PA.com.

      You must be new here.

      And quit the identity theft!

      Aug 6, 2009 at 11:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   fluffy8u

      Actually it’s PAN.com, but I don’t want to be the corrector, so I won’t mention it.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Mark bang

      Um, it’s actually http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com. But I also won’t correct or mention it. :P

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Somebody should mention it, I keep getting lost.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   T imo® bang

      Which way to the Roman Forum?

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Chibigodzilla

    As far as the box, I bet that it was a powerpoint template.

    As far as the content, I love that the author took the time to write “would have” (rather than “would of” or “woudda”) even though “had” would have been more grammatically accurate.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 12:02 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Canthz_B bang

      Really? Straight honest here, I’m not the best at grammar, so sometimes I ask these just to know better.

      I would have thought: “If he/she had come to me.” but “If you would have come to me.”

      I’d be happy to see other insights on this.
      Learn something new each day, I always (sometimes) say!

      Thanks.

      Oh, think I see…you’re saying not to have used the “would” at all. Makes sense now. :-)

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Scott K

      In this case, it should have been “If you had asked, I would have given…”

      In your example, “If you would have come to me” actually makes even less sense.

      If [things had been different] then [something else -would have- happened.] The “would” is conditional, not past-tense.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   ryanmalloy

      “If you had come to me, I would have shared.”
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conditional_sentences#Hypothetical_.28counterfactual.29_conditions

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   Canthz_B bang

      I’m really confused now.
      So if “would” is not past tense,
      Can I respond to a question with: “I would have come to your party last Saturday, but I was busy.”?
      Or should I properly say “I’d have come….”? Isn’t the “d” in the contraction short for “would”?

      I’ll never get it.

      Now you see why I was better at math!

      Thanks for trying to help me though.
      Much appreciated. :-)

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   bean

      would is a form of will, a conditional form. The if is what makes the clause conditional, requiring you to use would, and not will.

      It carries no real tense.

      (ie I would go but I don’t think I can make it – future-like, but just conditional)

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   park rose

      The third conditional commandment:
      Thou shalt not use the modal (would) in the phrase where ‘if’ appears.
      Misuse results in a beating about the head with a chalky duster or two, but you should be able to avoid Hell with a few Hail Marys.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   Canthz_B bang

      So what do I do with “He would do it, if it were in his best interest.” and “He would have done it, if it had been in his best interest.”

      Both have “if”s????

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.8   Canthz_B bang

      Kilroy was here. ;-)

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.9   bean

      ?

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.10   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Kilroy was here too. (I think we just gave away our age.)

      Aug 6, 2009 at 11:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.11   Mark bang

      I am fairly young, but I know exactly what “Kilroy was here” is. Independent of bad Styx songs, even!

      Aug 6, 2009 at 11:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.12   fluffy8u

      Kilroy?! I’m young but I know who he is. When I was little, my brother used to force to the ground and draw Kilroy on my back with a Sharpie. Completely rude. And Mama’s right. You just aged yourselves.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.13   Meh bang

      Ohh those lower middle class wage slaves and their hypercorrect grammar. I guess Labov was right.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 6:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.14   MAMARILLA2 bang

      So true. you see I feel the need to correct Fluffy (10.13) I don’t believe I have aged myself, merely gave a clue as to how old I might be..I really do not have the technology to physically add years to my person…pedantic, yes. Lower middle-class, most definitely.

      Aug 9, 2009 at 11:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    Maybe the box is to show that it’s an obscure biblical quote.

    He is a loving God, if one will just come unto Him.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 12:03 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   bean

      he’s more loving when you cum onto him.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:26 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   bean

    bitch, jesus told them to steal your candy bars. fifth deadly sin and all; two wrongs make a right when the jesus says it does.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 12:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Bunnee

      Oh, Lord Jeebus help me!

      Aug 6, 2009 at 11:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   thatjessicagirl bang

    I’ll tell you why the box: it’s the box where she places all the lies. It doesn’t break the seventh (?) commandment if you put it in a box. Everyone knows that.

    If you had asked her (yes, “her”) she would have stabbed you in the eyeball.

    Little known fact: If you’re on your period and someone tries to steal your chocolate, it is considered “self defense” to stab the thief in the eyeball.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 12:45 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   bean

      I’d say you had a pretty damn good insanity plea going for ya if nothing else.

      I know I do…

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   THX SANDRA

      IT puts the commandments in the box
      or else it gets little shocks.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Julia

    It seems the latest trend in PAN writing is claiming you’d have given something to someone (as long as they asked) after they’ve taken it, when clearly, you would have done no such thing if they’d actually asked.

    I mean come on. If I have two candy bars and someone asks for one, I’m going to tell them to go to hell. What commandment does THAT break?

    Aug 6, 2009 at 1:15 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   thatjessicagirl bang

      Actually… I think you’re in the clear there! In fact… THEY go to hell for coveting your candy bar!

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:44 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Canthz_B bang

      Aww, now we’re into the seven deadly sins!

      Part of “Gluttony” is withholding food from the needy.

      I like throw it as far as I can, the neediest will get it first, and it makes for lively gaming.
      My money’s always on the shopping cart lady. She looks old, but she’s pretty spry!

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:50 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Mark bang

      Oh no… I know what you want… You coveteth my ice cream bar!

      “Come on now…”

      No you don’t! You can’t take it from me now! I’ve had this ice cream bar since I was a child… People… Always trying to take it from me… Why don’t they leave me ALONE?!!!

      Aug 6, 2009 at 10:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   TheOldSchool

    The eighth commandment, according to the catholic and lutheran churches is: “thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”

    I don’t know how it relates to this twat-faced gentleman’s missing Baby Ruth bars, but I do think it is one of the more problematic commandments.

    For starters, wh0 qualifies as a neighbor? All Canadians? People who live on your street? Everyone in your cluster of cubicles? The gentleman in the peepshow booth next to yours?

    Then, when it says “bear false witness,” does that include gossiping about someone?

    Most gossip is based on stories one has heard from someone about another person.
    It is never spread solely by the witness alone.

    (Two caveats: (1) An obsessive/compulsive who is quite reasonably hellbent on settling some old scores. (2) A c-list celebutard desperate for any kind of publicity whatsoever.)

    So spreading gossip is wrong.

    What if it’s true?

    Mostly true?

    I’m also troubled by the word, “shalt.”

    Methinks it to be not only archaic and antiquated, but also, I daresay, cuntish and twee.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 3:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Eternally Distracted

    Really not sure what’s more confusing … The note or the comments! I am getting dizzy reading it all ;0)

    Aug 6, 2009 at 4:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   A

    If it is true that she will give up her food on request, there must be a soup-kitchen queue surrounding the office building.

    Somehow I suspect that when someone asked her for change her actual response was “get a job.”

    Aug 6, 2009 at 5:24 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   K

    I like how the note-leaver believes this is important enough to be stuck over the pre-existing laminated note with the yellow background, which likely contains more food etiquette rules/suggestions, hopefully better formatted.

    Now nobody’s going to remember to clean out the fridge on Friday, all because someone cleaned Miss 8th Commandment out of candy. Let the resulting mold be forever on her conscience!

    Aug 6, 2009 at 6:32 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Wade bang

    The note writer is certain of the identity of the culprit: the first baseman.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 6:44 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   anglophile bang

      On second thought, never mind.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 7:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Wade bang

      Isn’t that the short stop? :D

      Aug 6, 2009 at 7:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Canthz_B bang

      I dunno…THIRD BASE!!

      Aug 6, 2009 at 8:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   T imo®

      Who’s on first?

      Aug 6, 2009 at 9:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   GhostWriter bang

      Naturally.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 10:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   MAMARILLA2 bang

      He’s pitching.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 11:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.7   T imo® bang

      Who’s pitching?

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.8   MAMARILLA2 bang

      :oops: Who’s on first.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.9   fluffy8u

      Why

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.10   fluffy8u

      Costello: The left fielder’s name?

      Abbott: Why.

      Costello: Because!

      Abbott: Oh, he’s centerfield.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.11   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I don’t give a damn.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.12   T imo® bang

      Batting clean up.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.13   KatieMB

      That’s some bat.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.14   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I’m a baaddd Rilla.

      Aug 8, 2009 at 9:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.15   Canthz_B bang

      Lou, I got a job today as a loafer at the bread company.

      Really, Abbott? They pay you to loaf?!

      Yes, I come from a long line of loafers.

      Can you get me a job loafing?

      Naw, you have to belong to the loafer’s union.

      There’s a union for loafers?

      Certainly, Boy! Why do you think we’re paid so well?

      And to think that I’ve been loafing all this time and getting nothing for it!

      Aug 11, 2009 at 2:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   anglophile bang

    Not only did I steal your Baby Ruths, I’ve also been coveting your ass for months.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 7:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Pob

    If the note writer was going to hand the bar over anyway, shouldn’t they be thanking the thief for saving them a bit of time and redundant questioning?

    Aug 6, 2009 at 8:22 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   harmonicpies

    Missing Baby Ruths? Did she think to check the pool first?

    Aug 6, 2009 at 8:43 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   GhostWriter bang

    Despite all the religious bantering, nobody has yet pointed out the obvious.

    Moses broke the 8th commandment (along with the rest of them) in Exodus 32:19.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 10:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   T imo® bang

      “All right, I want to know who dropped the deuce in the Red Sea!? Oops forget it. It was just a Baby Ruth. ”
      - Moses

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Wade bang

    “If you would have asked, I would have given it to you” sounds less like an offer and more like a Dalek threat.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 11:04 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      EXTERMINATE!

      Aug 6, 2009 at 11:06 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Mark bang

      Just go upstairs. Then you’re safe.

      (unless it levels the building, of course.)

      Aug 6, 2009 at 11:14 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Use the sonic screwdriver to seal the door and head for the Tardis.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 11:57 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   uglydoll bang

      You haven’t been keeping up with your Dr Who!

      Damn Daleks can levitate up stairs now.

      Nowhere is safe! Not even behind the sofa… :s

      Aug 7, 2009 at 6:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   robyn

    Keep your Baby Ruth In your Desk, away From the thieves!

    Aug 6, 2009 at 11:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Neeners

    I will gladly pay you Tuesday for two candy bars stolen today.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 11:57 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   mamason bang

    “If you would have asked, I would have given to you.”

    My motto all through high school…

    and college…

    and my 30′s.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 12:13 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   clumber

      … so past tense, eh. Right then. Off to throw myself in the ocean now that all hope is lost.

      Aug 11, 2009 at 3:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Spiffy

    … for whither thou goest, I will go. and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy candy bar my candy bar…

    Aug 6, 2009 at 12:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      ..For whatever thou puttest into the office refridgerator or leaveth on your desk, shall become worthy and ready for us all to avail ourselves of without thy blessing, for ever and ever…

      Aug 6, 2009 at 12:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   T imo® bang

      Verily for he that dost partake of the Holy Candy Bar of Antioch shall offer praise and silly danceth offerings to the Lord.
      And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats. Amen.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:27 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   T imo® bang

    Well it was a Baby Ruth, the most sensuous of the snack bars.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 1:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      But is it the most senuous of all snacks?

      Aug 6, 2009 at 1:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   T imo® bang

      No it isn’t. Some say that the peach is the most sensuous of the snacks. The soft fuzz the firm smooth curve of the cleft in the fruit, the abundant juice spilling over your lips.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      I can eat a peach for hours..

      Aug 6, 2009 at 2:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   T imo® bang

      Plena mujer, carne, manzana, luna caliente,
      espeso olor de las algas, barro y luz en mascarada,
      ¿qué secreto se abre a través de su claridad columnas?
      ¿Qué antigua noche el hombre hace un contacto con sus sentidos?

      Oh, el amor es un viaje con el agua y las estrellas,
      ahogamiento con el aire y las tormentas de harina;
      el amor es un choque de relámpagos,
      dos órganos por una tenue miel.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   MAMARILLA2 bang

      ♫ Soy un hombre muy honorado
      Y me gusta lo mejor
      De mujers no me falta
      Ni el dinero ni el amor..

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   Garwood B. Jones

    Who broke the 8th commandment?

    Yes, not the pronoun, but rather a co-worker with the unlikely name of ‘Who’ broke the 8th commandment.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 3:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Mark bang

      Well that’s just great, Garwood. We’ve been out here six seconds and you’ve already managed to blow the routine.

      *storms off, muttering* Sexless freak.

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:13 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   mamason bang

    Those Baby Ruth candy bars were my baby’s chocolate-covered peanuts, caramel, and nougat for the day!

    Aug 6, 2009 at 3:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Geek Goddess

      Those Baby Ruth candy bars were my babies

      Aug 6, 2009 at 3:54 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Neeners

    There seems to be a theme on these religious fanatic PAN’s. They always say “If you would have asked, I would have given it to you”.

    I cry bullshit on all the sanctimony. If those hypocrites really meant that, they would not have to make a big deal out of it in the first place and realize the BR candy temptation was as great as the temptation of Christ and mere mortals can’t stand up to that kind of rigorous testing.

    If that were the

    Aug 6, 2009 at 7:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   C.S. Harmonikah

    I thought the 8th commandment was “Thou shalt not let teh gays marry”

    In my defense, i did attend a southern baptist church as a child.

    Aug 6, 2009 at 7:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Orel, you know you’re not supposed to think when it comes to God and faith.

      Aug 7, 2009 at 10:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     

Comments are Closed