Frig you, ya big goof

August 19th, 2009 · 126 comments

This note, from Michelle in Denver, displays the remarkable lengths that some people will go to avoid confrontation.

“This bright-green gem wasn’t the only priceless thing visible,” Michelle says. “On the cubicle wall closest to the refrigerators was a camera…and it was actually connected to the computer and recording a live feed. This is why you don’t steal from the fridge when you work for a multimedia corporation!”

To the person who help themselves to my entire carton of eggs. I saw what you did and I know who you are. I sit 10 steps from the frig [sic] ya big good. The jig is up pal But hang on. Today is your lucky day. I'm not going to say a word to anyone. But moving forward if so much as a grape goes missing from either refrigerator, then I'm going to HR. Have a nice day :)

related: ABP on the V8

FILED UNDER: Denver · food · have a nice day · message to all intended for one · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · smiley


126 responses so far ↓

  • #1   TheShoeGirl

    HAHA! I love when scolding notes come with spelling mistakes!

    Aug 19, 2009 at 8:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   T imo® bang

      I like it when they are lime green with smiley faces for an extra helping of P-A. I was missing multiples of exclamation marks and underlining though.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 10:02 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   -B.

      Me too! It makes people look like such ideots! :)
      [Ooooops, I put this in the wrong place. Thank goodness I didn't tack it to a frig!]

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   officegal

    haha I love the inclusion of business-speak with the use of “moving forward”.

    Yes, I work for a big company as well. And surprisingly, there are NO notes tacked up *anywhere* in our office space that I have found. SUCH a disappointment!

    Aug 19, 2009 at 8:47 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   apedant bang

      I hate that phrase, it is number 2 in my all-time list of bullshit that makes me ignore what someone is saying.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 5:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   lolli

      What’s #1 on your list?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 9:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   TheOldSchool bang

      If I were “the big goof” who was being addressed in “To the person who help themselves,” memo, one of my personalities would sue the memo writer for slander.

      She’s publicly accusing us of having either a multiple personality disorder or schizophrenia.

      Which is it? We want to know. Don’t we? Never mind.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Maas

      To be fair, when randomly weighing in on the Gates arrest, Obama did say something about how somebody shouldn’t be arrested when “they are in their house”, so if we can’t look to our president for tips on sounding not illiterate, where’s this change we can believe in?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 11:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Canthz_B bang

      To be fair, at least President Obama used a commonly used erroneous phrasing.
      He also often uses “a” instead of “an” too often for my taste, but he’s still a day’s journey by train ahead of Dubya in speaking ability.

      That’s not only a change I can believe in, but also one I appreciate.

      And really, arresting a man for being rude to a police officer?
      Can you say “abuse of power”? Can you say “Free Speech”?
      So much for a man’s home being his castle.

      Aug 21, 2009 at 12:15 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   ashmeadow

      That phrasing isn’t actually erroneous anymore. It has recently become grammatically acceptable to use the 3rd person plural pronoun instead of indicating a gender.

      I was actually disappointed in Prof. Gates’s conduct. Any black man knows that talking to a back to the police is gonna get the Prof. beat, especially when such a Prof. starts in on that police’s mama. So much for change.

      Aug 21, 2009 at 3:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   GK bang

      I mostly just ignored that phase of “singular they is unacceptable”, so as far as I’m concerned it was never erroneous in the first place. But at least now any person can use it as much as they like without some passing nerd throwing a hissy fit at them. Huzzah!

      Aug 21, 2009 at 7:00 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.8   Canthz_B bang

      I’m proud of Prof. Gates’ conduct. He showed that the time of feeling intimidated by a uniform has passed!

      What I’m not proud of is that his arrest was a couple of weeks before the story went national, and only then were the charges dropped.

      Aug 23, 2009 at 7:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   jc

    Those eggs were……..that’s right, FUCKING DELICIOUS!

    Aug 19, 2009 at 8:49 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   tinkerbell2

      No, that is not right. That is so wrong they need a new word for ‘wrong’. Go away.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 6:02 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Rowdy bang

      This joke is… FUCKING TIRED! and needs to be put to bed.

      Night night and sweet dreams. xx

      Aug 20, 2009 at 7:13 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   GhostWriter bang

      Common punishment for this transgression is to wear The Unitard for a full day. No matter what jc tells you, it’s not fun.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 8:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Anon

      Im too ashamed with myself to give my real name, but…
      I still giggle every time at this joke.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:14 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   D Smith

      Good day, Mr jc!

      I must say that I appreciate your pleasant joke. Especially the well thought out and delicate punchline.

      Please continue entertaining us. You are doing it in the best of ways.

      I want you to know that I pressed the button which seems to symbolize a thumb pointing towards the sky. You very well deserve it and I hope that other people also encourage you to continue writing short and brilliant texts.

      Bless you!

      With warm regards
      D. Smith

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   oi!

      ahem, anon is ashemed to give his real name? as in made up name speacially for this site?
      It takes the multiple personality disorder to the whole new level.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Fancy that…A site devoted to a personality disorder…What will they think of next.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Someone

    I wonder if the eggs were raw…

    Aug 19, 2009 at 8:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Anniee451

      I was wondering how one cooks eggs in an office myself. And if they were hard boiled everyone knows they are fair game – who eats a dozen hard boiled eggs?

      Aug 19, 2009 at 9:25 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   jc

      Cool Hand Luke could eat 12 BEFORE breakfast.

      Aug 19, 2009 at 9:48 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Flaboy2425

      The note writer only said carton of eggs. It may have been one of those 18 egg cartons or even a 24 count. My questions are why were they in the office fridge instead of home? Were they planning an office raw egg toss party?

      Aug 19, 2009 at 10:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   C.S. Harmonikah

      Maybe they have really interesting meetings.
      If a really bad idea is suggested the person gets egged.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:24 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Canthz_B bang

      I wonder if it’s possible that, like at my job, their break room has a range and several microwave ovens?

      Naw, the note was written by Rocky Balboa!

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:40 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   clumber

      @ #4.2 jc
      ERROR: Already Voted.
      ERROR: Already Voted.
      ERROR: Already Voted.
      ERROR: Already Voted.
      ERROR: Already Voted.
      ERROR: Already Voted.

      Damn.

      Well I thumb you once.. fool on… wait… Anyhaw, You hereby are Intertube Hero of the Day. Please don’t do naughty things to/with/by the tiara, we have to award it to the next winner tomorrow.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 5:11 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      It be easy to cook eggs with a microwave: ye fill yer coffee cup half full with water, break yer egg in it, and microwave the bastard to preference. The outcome be a poached egg, yeah.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 11:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   Maas

      I’m pretty sure you could cook an egg (in shell) with a lighter and a stand made out of paperclips.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 11:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   kt

    the frig? is that like the brig of the ship?

    Aug 19, 2009 at 8:50 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   park rose

      It’s the insane frigging frig jig gig.
      Every time a grape goes missing, you move forward another step.
      When the grape gets put back you move back two steps.
      When an egg gets stolen from the fridge on the left you grab your partner and do the dosey-do; when it gets stolen from the fridge on the right you do the hornpipe.
      Experts do in fact dance it in the brig of a frigate, on only on brigs, depending upon their disposition and your definition.
      Me hearties.

      Aug 19, 2009 at 9:01 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Geek Goddess

      Somebody please take that (fourth) bottle away from pr. Oh, and get her away from the keyboard.

      Aug 19, 2009 at 9:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Anniee451

      For some reason frig is one of my pet peeves. So is refrigerator with a “d”. Moving forward, I love the idea of park rose’s dance, though.

      Thatisall.

      Aug 19, 2009 at 9:24 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   park rose bang

      GG, you are casting aspersions. It is 10.33 am where I hail from, so, no bottles in sight, or on site. The keyboard, though, should in fact be taken to the brig and put under lock and key.

      You know, you can push a good idea to far, but I think at the end of this jig, when the thief is in fact opening either one fridge or the other, a rousing chorus of “the gig’s up/the jig’s up, ya big goof/joof” and mad flailing of hands in the air should also be called for. Then some River Dancing.

      Thanks, Anniee, and GG I have nothing but respect for your quick and fiery wit, and this is how I get repaid? :cry: Congratulations on Word, too (*she said in her best congenital manner. Yes. I was born with a clef palate. So what?* ) :) .

      Aug 19, 2009 at 9:41 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Flaboy2425

      KT, you take me back to the Navy version of Bell Bottom Trousers,Coats of Navy Blue –”frigging in the rigging.”

      Aug 19, 2009 at 10:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   jaywalke

      In my naive and doe-eyed experience, frig is another word for fingering. It has to be hard to get work done if you sit 10 feet away.

      Conjugation, anyone?
      I frig
      you frig
      he/she/it frigs
      we frig
      they frig
      all y’all frig

      Aug 20, 2009 at 7:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   oi!

      a rousing chorus of “the gig’s up/the jig’s up, ya big goof/joof” and mad flailing of hands in the air should also be called for.
      I pictured that and oh boy, did I laugh.
      oh yeah the said lady had a clown make up on.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 8:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.8   Watchtower bang

      Jaywalke,

      I always thought that it was a substitute for the f-word.

      I learned something today.
      Never stop learning, ’cause knowledge is power!!

      Aug 20, 2009 at 9:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.9   T imo® bang

      And knowing is half the battle!

      Aug 20, 2009 at 10:13 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.10   TheOldSchool bang

      I’d like to know who drank half of this friggin’ bottle….

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.11   T imo® bang

      Was it iggy pop?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 2:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.12   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Mayhap it was j-pop.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 3:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.13   Geek Goddess

      Oh, Rose, I would need the entire case to get through the first steps of that. It never crossed my mind that there are people who could manage to choreograph the entire thing stone cold sober, let alone by 10:33 am.

      I still think the keyboard should be locked up, even if only to protect it from all the gigging, frigging, jigging and egging going on exuberantly around it.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 3:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.14   park rose

      Stranger minds than mine lurk on the Interwebs, geek, and only one typo too! The lurching rose would probably submit an entry with a few more ;)

      ‘rilla and timo: Iggy pop and J-pop is of course jiggy pop.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 8:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   felina

    Maybe they could barter. Trade food for grammar lessons?

    Aug 19, 2009 at 9:03 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Michael

    Every workplace could use a little blackmail.

    Aug 19, 2009 at 9:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Snippy

      …except for that shopping mall where Gary Coleman worked as a security guard.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   -B.

      I believe the preferred nomenclature is African-American mail. :)

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:49 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   david

    #7… isn’t that what affirmative action is all about?

    Aug 19, 2009 at 9:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   aaa bang

      “reply to this comment”… Isn’t that what gigglebraxing is all about?

      Aug 19, 2009 at 11:20 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Canthz_B bang

      No, that’s not what affirmative action is all about.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:45 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Johnny

    I would have added “BTW… one of those eggs was a year old… you didn’t eat them all, did you?”

    Aug 19, 2009 at 9:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   QuarterRoy00 bang

    I didn’t know Sarah Palin found a new job so quickly, or that she even knew how to type for that matter…

    Aug 19, 2009 at 9:59 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Yea but can she see Russia from her office window?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:52 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   park rose

      That’s what the eggs are for. One of those Ruskies wanders by and they’ll get what for. Same goes for any Elks in the vicinity.

      She’s got her foreign policy, defence policy and environmental policy all worked out.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 8:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Fragrant Liar

    Yikes! A lot of effort to prove a point. But I do like his/her style.

    Aug 19, 2009 at 10:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   situational lefty

    What the frig do you do with a dozen eggs in an office? Were they training for their next fight?

    Aug 19, 2009 at 10:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   kp

      Sometimes a twelve egg omelette is all I need to get me through the day.

      Aug 19, 2009 at 11:34 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   aaa bang

      Well, usually I throw them into empty elevators or put them in the microwave for ten minutes, but that’s just me.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   ClearlyDemented

    To whomever got me pregnant.

    I know who you are, but I want to make sure you do. It’s your lucky day! I won’t sue you for sexual harassment if you just remind me who you are…er, own up to your responsibilities.

    You betcha!

    Sally in accounting (6 cubicles down from the condom machine)

    Aug 19, 2009 at 10:20 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Canthz_B bang

      Well, Sally, you shouldn’t have left your eggs in the office ‘frig’ where I could at them so easily.

      Have you seen where I left my turkey baster?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:51 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Snippy

      Inglourious Baster

      (Injurious Baster?)

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   GK bang

      That movie sounds really tedious.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   C.S. Harmonikah

    “The jig is up pal”
    Is it a multimedia corporation or a 1930′s detective agency?

    Aug 19, 2009 at 10:55 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      The note probably should include a “Why, I oughtta poke you right in the nose, Mack!” if that’s true.

      The nose-poke was the primary conflict resolution method at one time!

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Watchtower bang

      And all this time I thought it was the nose-pick…

      Nothing quiets down a depression-era rube like internasal assault.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 9:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   T imo® bang

      ” at first I thought it was that dame from accounting with the great pair of get-away-sticks and a way of moving that left me cross eyed and speechless. When she spoke I could tell from her accent that she was most likely from the Peoples Republic of Sexy. Well her I would share my eggs with and a quiet booth at the Chez’ Lounge downtown too! But no dice. It was that palooka 10 cubicles over that had motel windows for eyes, each with a vacancy sign in them.”

      Aug 20, 2009 at 10:21 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Bunnee

      ++++++++

      Timo, you’re the best. (bats eyes demurely and straightens seam in stockings).

      Aug 20, 2009 at 10:44 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   T imo® bang

      Thanks Doll, you’re the cat’s meow as well.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 11:00 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   shwonline bang

    “I’m going to HR” clearly means “I’m going to Heroically Retaliate!”. Or “I’m going to HuRl.”

    Aug 19, 2009 at 11:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   marx

      She’s going to Harry Reid? Have him send a strongly worded letter? Sounds a bit out of character for him.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Canthz_B bang

      It means Have Relations.
      Bad boys turn her on, but you have to be careful how you word things in the workplace.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 2:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   anglophile bang

      Hunt Rabbits?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 9:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   T imo® bang

      Harass Rhinos?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 10:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   oi bang

      Hide Raisins?
      (a grape goes missing)

      Aug 20, 2009 at 10:27 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   T imo® bang

      Hurricane Research?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 10:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   Watchtower

      Hug Raccoons?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 10:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.8   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Hurry Rabbi.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 11:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.9   T imo® bang

      Hump Ravioli?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 11:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.10   Bunnee bang

      Horde Rastafarians?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 11:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.11   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Handle reformists.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 11:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.12   farcical aquatic ceremony

      Harangue Recidivists

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.13   T imo® bang

      Hoary Ringlets

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.14   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Hardened renegades.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.15   Beanster bang

      Heimlich Revenue

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.16   Bananas

      Harbor Refugees

      O.o That’s who the eggs were supposed to be for…

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:05 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.17   Mark bang

      Hirsute Romanians.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.18   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Helpfully regressive.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.19   oi bang

      Heisa rooster

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.20   Phalange

      Hurried rimjobs?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 1:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.21   MAMARILLA2 bang

      That’s not good for some…

      Hardy rucksacks.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 2:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.22   T imo® bang

      Hottentot Revival?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 2:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.23   Geek Goddess

      Heist-proof refrigerators?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 3:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.24   T imo® bang

      Hoist Ramekins?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 3:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.25   MAMARILLA2 bang

      Horrendous reproductions.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 3:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.26   meh

      Erroneous nurses eat Emerald Nuts.

      Aug 21, 2009 at 2:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.27   Canthz_B bang

      Have Ravioli.

      Aug 23, 2009 at 7:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   aaa bang

    Ten bucks that the egg thief changed their plans from egging the boss’ car to egging the note-writer’s car.

    Aug 19, 2009 at 11:22 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   verdilith

    so, the person sits 10 steps from the “frig” and saw the person take the eggs – maybe I’m missing something, but what’s wrong with saying, “excuse me, those are my eggs” or similar?

    Aug 20, 2009 at 6:57 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Watchtower bang

      Were they faberge eggs?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 9:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Snippy

      Not if they were lowercase.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   lownote

      I was just wondering the same thing.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 3:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   Geek Goddess

      But that wouldn’t be very passive-aggressive, though.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 3:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   HorribleLicensePlates

    Do people not realize the lengths you can achieve by just sitting down and talking things out? I think this is how wars start.

    Aug 20, 2009 at 8:42 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   oi bang

    I may use cheesy phrase like jig is up pal, ya big goof like you are puppet from one of my shows. I may post bright green PANs on the “frig” threating you to tell on you to mommy if you steal as much as a grape. I may record your activities around “frig” and watch you picking your nose, or scratching your butt, or slut tina and her boss making out in kitchen whenever I please.
    but all this is for your moral health, ya big goof and of course I want you to have a nice day. :scarybigsmiley: don’t scratch your butt though.

    Aug 20, 2009 at 9:21 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   GhostWriter bang

    That big goof has become the office Renegade

    No don’tcha
    help yourself to my eggs,
    ‘cuz I saw you from the hall
    Your theft
    has put an end to my omelet
    but I’m so hungry for more

    Obama
    knows how hard we all have it,
    bringing lunches from my home
    I’m gonna turn you in to HR
    no you don’t have very long…

    The jig is up, the news is out
    I sit ten steps from thee
    I’ll shut my mouth, I’ll zip my lip
    but, should a grape vanish,
    nevermore I’ll hold my tongue,
    I’ll report you to someone
    You’re a wanted man.

    Aug 20, 2009 at 9:23 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   anglophile bang

    The Big Goof was a member of a small group of company insurgents dedicated to preventing management’s latest idiotic idea in team-building exercises. Thanks to him, there will be no egg and spoon relay at 2 o’clock, and thanks to The Dope, who was assigned to steal the oranges from the third-floor fridge, no one will have to participate in the hideous pass-the-orange-with-your-chin game. Unfortunately, the cadre could come up with no plan to stop the three-legged race, as stealing all the duct tape in the office seemed unfeasible, and the sudden warm spell made icing down the parking lot impossible.

    Aug 20, 2009 at 9:44 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Watchtower

      Good for the insurgents.
      Pass the orange is one of the worst games ever. Too many memories of nervous neck-sweat.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 10:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   GhostWriter bang

      Well then, you are going to think “pass-the-olive” is even worse. No fair using your neck.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 10:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   farcical aquatic ceremony

      Nervous Neck Sweat would be a GREAT name for a band.*

      (props to Dave Barry :)

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:10 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Sheepish bang

    Nobody ever uses the lime green paper in my office. It’s nice to see it is being used somewhere.

    Aug 20, 2009 at 10:06 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   T imo® bang

    Big Goof and The Holding Company never took off and in his later years he was reduced to stealing office supplies and other peoples food.

    Aug 20, 2009 at 10:25 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Rachet

    I think I’d be a little embarrassed to admit to HR that I was keeping an entire carton of eggs in the office refrigerator to begin with.

    Aug 20, 2009 at 10:40 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Deanna

    I think the overly large smiley at the end might be my favorite part.

    Aug 20, 2009 at 10:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Bob Loblaw

    Who ever stole those eggs was a fucking chicken….

    Bwahahahahaahahahahahahahahhaaaaa

    Aug 20, 2009 at 10:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   GhostWriter bang

      …do you mean, bwawkbawkbawkbawkbukeeEE?

      Aug 20, 2009 at 11:05 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Bunnee bang

      I don’t know, Bob. I bet he was a hard- boiled criminal. He knows how to scramble the signals on the video camera until the signals are fried. He has managed to poach just about everything from the office refrigerator. No, sir. I only want to be on the sunny side of that criminal.

      ;)

      Aug 20, 2009 at 11:53 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   MAMARILLA2 bang

      They try not to make it over easy to pilfer from the office refrigerator.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   farcical aquatic ceremony

      I’m just bedeviled by the thought that the poster plans to count all grapes on each bunch of grapes both upon their placement into the frig (*shudder*) and upon their removal from it. Perhaps the poster’s pickled.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 12:19 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Elodie

    This is a great website, sometimes I can be a leeetle passive aggressive, so it’s perfect for me to laugh at myself and get on with life. :P

    Slim Girl Diary

    Aug 20, 2009 at 11:32 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   BrookeDiz

      “Slim Girl Diary” ?

      Oh, yeah – I’m fer sure gonna click on THAT link.

      And, er…, when I DID, what did I find?

      A big essay on the merits of enemas! Beware, PANs. Elodie is one of THOSE slim girls.

      Aug 20, 2009 at 4:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   GK bang

      She should have the right to be proud of her “thinspiration“! Don’t hate her because she’s beautiful!

      (’cause she ain’t)

      Aug 21, 2009 at 7:05 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Zoe Right

    What the hell is a Frig? He can hook up a camera but can’t figure out how to use spellcheck?

    Aug 20, 2009 at 11:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Abounding Air bang

    Homosexual roosters?

    Aug 20, 2009 at 4:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Geek Goddess

    Of course, this whole thing is a bluff. They would have known who the egg-thief was if they had been at their desk the way they were supposed to be. However, they had slipped out for an unauthorized 3 hour break and missed the whole thing. Admitting to this would lose them a whole lot more than a dozen eggs. Thus, the note posted as a clever ploy to convince HR that they really were doing their job. You know, the one they are paid to do. Who knows, perhaps tomorrow a green note will be posted telling them that they are fired.

    Aug 20, 2009 at 9:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Chinchillazilla bang

    My roommate who left a PAN on Facebook after she moved out (“Brooke is happy to finally have a nice clean frig again”) must have gotten a summer job.

    Valedictorian my ass.

    (Can you tell I still really hate her?)

    Aug 21, 2009 at 10:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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