Today’s post is dedicated to the dirty minds in the department of double entendres. (Hey there, commenters!)
The first note, as spotted by Dana in San Francisco, needs no further introduction.
Next up: Michelle in Orlando says this note was posted on the employee mailboxes at the theme park where she works. “Our uniforms include a vest made of wool,” Michelle explains, “and when the vests get wet they smell (fittingly) like wet animal.”
related: covering all the bases
112 responses so far ↓
#1
not gen anything
I’m guessing Katie smells like wet animal.
Aug 31, 2009 at 9:58 pm rating: +1
#2
Heavenly
Beaver mustard is disgusting. It’s the worst mustard ever. And I love mustard.
Aug 31, 2009 at 10:02 pm rating: +2
#3
aaa
Katie hits the nail on the head in her postscript, so why bother to write the long-ass note?
…
Never mind. I’ve been here long enough to know better than to ask that question.
Aug 31, 2009 at 10:06 pm rating: +2
#4
aaa
Beaver mustard looks lame and probably overpriced.
http://www.beavertonfoods.com/beaver.php
Aug 31, 2009 at 10:09 pm rating: +1
#5
Thanks!
Your beaver smells like vest mustard!
Aug 31, 2009 at 10:10 pm rating: +11
#6
50FtQueenie
I feel for the Beaver; I’m a fan of Beaver Mustard as well. (Geez, there’s no way to discuss this topic without sounding dirty. Oh well…)
Aug 31, 2009 at 10:18 pm rating: +2
#7
adnoxious
make the vest out of beavers… Mr. Burns style. totally waterproof.
See my vest! See my vest!
adnoxious.blogspot.com
Aug 31, 2009 at 10:21 pm rating: +5
#8
Joe
Why the fuck is there an accent over that ‘V’ in the first note?
Aug 31, 2009 at 10:22 pm rating: 0
#9
Mel K
Besides stealing her beaver mustard, what else would make her cry?
I cannot imagine how much fun it would be to work with someone who cried over a bad sandwich. Actually, it could be a lot of fun..
Aug 31, 2009 at 10:36 pm rating: +3
#10
JetJackson
I never had Beaver valley mustard before….
But I have NOW!!!
Bwah hah hah haaaa!!!
Aug 31, 2009 at 10:40 pm rating: +5
#11
Neeners
She should be happy she no longer has any beaver mustard. Most people have to see a doctor to get rid of that stuff.
Aug 31, 2009 at 10:50 pm rating: +21
#12
Phil McAvity
Beaver mustard: worst home remedy ever.
Aug 31, 2009 at 10:52 pm rating: +3
#13
Canthz_B
Give a gal a jar of beaver mustard, and she can eat for a week.
Give a gal a yeast infection, and she can make her own beaver mustard!
Aug 31, 2009 at 11:06 pm rating: +8
#14
Canthz_B
The employee who stole the beaver mustard should be discharged immediately!
Aug 31, 2009 at 11:10 pm rating: +23
#15
Canthz_B
It had to be “akward” to confess that she’d bought an umbrella so cheap that it would probably break in a rain storm.
What a dumb “bass”.
Aug 31, 2009 at 11:13 pm rating: +1
#16
shepp
obligatory “that beaver mustard was fucking delicious!” comment
Aug 31, 2009 at 11:17 pm rating: +3
#17
Laura
Where’s the double meaning in beaver mustard? I don’t see any – OHHHHHH
EWW EWW EWW EWWWWW
Aug 31, 2009 at 11:20 pm rating: +2
#18
leftfoot
whoever stole my wet beaver is going to smell like mustard..
what?
Aug 31, 2009 at 11:32 pm rating: +1
#19
Mel K
What kind of theme park makes you wear a wool vest in summer time?
The heat must be getting to her. I think that she is a very confused ‘lil beaver.
First she thanks the thief for stealing her cheap ass umbrella and then she gets angry and wishes it to break.
Doesn’t sound like good working conditions to me.
Aug 31, 2009 at 11:33 pm rating: +5
#20
Phil McAvity
Dear Katie,
Here’s your cheap broken umbrella back. Lucky I took it to test on a dry day — what if mine had broken in the rain and I didn’t have a functioning backup? Could you live with yourself?
Kisses,
The Umbrella Thief.
Aug 31, 2009 at 11:51 pm rating: +12
#21
Canthz_B
We all know Goofy stole the umbrella. With a nose like his, he can’t afford to have that vest of his become smelly.
Sep 1, 2009 at 12:11 am rating: +2
#22
felix
“if you’ve had beaver deli mustard…”
Of course they have. They had yours, fool.
Sep 1, 2009 at 12:45 am rating: +23
#23
Bayolet
The first one is great! “I even cried, you bloody thief” LOL!
Sep 1, 2009 at 2:26 am rating: 0
#24
Watchtower
Katie is a trollup.
She comes off as high and mighty during her rant, but the smiley and heart tell a different story. I think she secretly likes the idea of being smelly and humiliated in the rain and this note is just a polite way of saying thank you to the umbrella snatcher.
Sep 1, 2009 at 8:48 am rating: +3
#25
GhostWriter
You’ve smelt my vest.
Now try these socks.
Sep 1, 2009 at 9:06 am rating: +1
#26
GhostWriter
Few may realize that the odd glyph written in the 5th line of the first note, is actually a symbol for the ancient rune of Castorus Mammilia Animatorus; dead beaver resurrection.
Clever girl- I wouldn’t be spreading any of that mustard on my sandwich.
Sep 1, 2009 at 9:30 am rating: +3
#27
QuarterRoy00
I don’t understand why Miss Umbrella-less thinks that the thief would suddenly have 2 umbrellas. If the umbrella was the thief’s, why have another one? To protect from flying beaver mustard perhaps?
Sep 1, 2009 at 10:05 am rating: +3
#28
shwonline
You’ll find the Beaver Mustard on the shelf next to the Pearl Jam.
Sep 1, 2009 at 11:19 am rating: +9
#29
jaywalke
Was the beaver mustard snatched directly from the fridge?
Sep 1, 2009 at 11:23 am rating: +9
#30
bowloftoast
I understand Katie’s inclusion of the heart and smiley in her ‘akward’ note, but what is that third item to the right? A snowman’s arm?
Sep 1, 2009 at 11:37 am rating: +7
#31
elle
Beaver *snerk*
Sep 1, 2009 at 11:39 am rating: +1
#32
ihatethieves
Seriously though, what kind of shitheel do you need to be to steal from your co-workers?
Because of this site, I am now informed that workplace thievery is rampant.
Sep 1, 2009 at 12:13 pm rating: +1
#33
farcical aquatic ceremony
What I want to know is: once the Beaver’s been trampin’ it up all around town, would you really want it back? I know I wouldn’t dive right into a Beaver that had been returned to me by the (morally) unclean fellow who stole it in the first place. Just sayin’.
Sep 1, 2009 at 1:27 pm rating: 0
#34
Rachet
All these comments and not even one “beaver mustard for my wiener”.
Sep 1, 2009 at 2:47 pm rating: +8
#35
shwonline
Beaver must eat, therefore beaver mustard.
Sep 1, 2009 at 4:17 pm rating: +3
#36
mamason
Beaver mustard=worst lube ever!
Sep 1, 2009 at 5:11 pm rating: +3
#37
Car RamRod
The term beaver mustard reminds me of a scene from ‘Me, Myself & Irene’. “A little extra cheese on the taco? We’ve got a full-on fallopian fungus…”
Sep 1, 2009 at 6:13 pm rating: +1
#38
Car RamRod
Walking out of work with 2 umbrellas on a sunny day wouldn’t be nearly as awkward as exposing yourself to the entire workplace as a whiny simpleton.
Sep 1, 2009 at 6:25 pm rating: 0
#39
TheOldSchool
“Pardon me. Do you have a grey Beaver?”
Sep 1, 2009 at 8:00 pm rating: +2
#40
Canthz_B
I always wondered what business Theodore Cleaver got into.
Now I know he’s in condiment production.
Sep 1, 2009 at 8:36 pm rating: +2
#41
Evinus
The umbrella one. so ‘effing amazing. I couldn’t stop laughing.
Sep 1, 2009 at 11:02 pm rating: +1
#42
kujo1185
to all those calling Katie a cry baby or whatever,
listen assholes I know this theme park is in FL and the rain showers usually last for several hours and they are miniature hurricanes almost with the wind and force of the storm. the walk from the employee parking to the actual work locations is about 15-20 minutes on a good day.. so no umbrella in that to sit soaking wet in your car on the way home and have your clothes smell is gross and it’s amazing that people are so righteous to say things like it’s just an umbrella.. we all know if your shit was taken that you purchased and would like to have in the future not just for work i am sure you would be pissed when its someone who works right next to you..
Sep 3, 2009 at 12:32 pm rating: 0
#43
Dan
Smells like Teen Spirit, that.
Sep 4, 2009 at 10:28 am rating: +1
#44
Emilie
I am sorry, but I have to say it. Beaver ‘brand’ mustard is the best thing out there. I would be a little sad too, although it looks like she had their deli mustard which is boring.
Problem is, it costs, like, $2.00 so GET OVER IT.
Sep 10, 2009 at 3:39 pm rating: 0
#45
Emilie
I am sorry, but I have to say it. Beaver ‘brand’ mustard is the best thing out there. None better. If you have not experienced their mustard- made in BEAVERton, Oregon (The Beaver state), then you should. I would be a little sad too, although it looks like she had their deli mustard which is boring.
Problem is, it costs, like, $2.00 so GET OVER IT.
Sep 10, 2009 at 3:41 pm rating: 0
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